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Chapter Text

After being married to a Shield agent for well over a decade and now being an agent herself for over a year, Laura has seen a lot of crazy stuff. However, having her estranged husband show up unexpectedly in her apartment at the Avenger compound was not something she was expecting at all.

It was mostly because of the teleportation aspect of it. One minute Laura was alone, and the next, he was standing in front of her and attempting to hug her. It was very disconcerting.

There’s also the fact that this Clint was covered in tattoos and had ridiculous hair. She hasn’t seen Clint since he picked up Nikki for his time with the baby back in February. Laura is pretty sure one of the kids would’ve mentioned dad’s new tattoos after their numerous video calls with their father. They talked to the man almost daily during their trial separation.

The constant crying also makes her extremely suspicious. That alone is why she text messaged Tony. Ok, the fact that he said he is from the year 2023 and asked why she is not at the farmhouse made her message Tony and send out an Avenger alert. Her real husband knows full well that she hasn’t been back to her former home since Ross arrested (kidnapped) her from it almost 2 years prior. Something was obviously wrong.

Thankfully, years as a mom and a guidance counselor made her an expert at typing one-handed while cuddling someone crying. You’ll be amazed at how often she had to utilize this skill before.

Counselor Laura: So not to alarm you, but a version of my estranged husband just popped up in my living room with a new tattoo that covers most of his arm and midlife crisis hair. He also says that he is from the year 2023.

Counselor Laura: He also won’t stop hugging me or crying.

Boss Tony: That is concerning. Ana says that Clint is currently sitting on the couch of the new Malibu house with Nikki. Apparently, they are now blueberries on the ceiling because lunch went badly.

Counselor Laura: Yet he’s here, and he says he’s from five years in the future. Is this Leopold all over again?

Boss Tony: He could be an imposter. It wouldn’t be the first time because, apparently, shape-shifting aliens exist.

Counselor Laura: Are you saying that this Clint could be an alien imposter like the “Ian Quinn” that turned out to be an alien imposter?

However, right as Laura pressed the send button, she saw a flash of light and felt as if her whole body shrinking. Moments later, it was over, and she found herself in the lab section of the Avenger compound. Except it didn’t look like the lab space now. One, there were nowhere near as many teenage friendly science experiments. The kids had their own space.
Instead, there was a van parked in the middle of their usual lab space, and standing next to it was Scott. Although she hasn’t met the man in person, Sharon has given her many updates on her charge, complete with pictures, so she instantly recognized the man. What was he doing on the East Coast? His house arrest wasn’t up for a few more weeks.

Laura also recognized Simmons and May in the room. Of course, this Simmons was dressed in all black and seemed colder for some reason. She also saw Steve. Thankfully there was a wedding ring on his finger, so at least that was reassuring. At least it was reassuring if Laura did not acknowledge the fact that the wedding was not happening for another month. Also, his beard was gone, and he was back to being blonde.

She also sees Bruce on the platform, except he is now Hulk size and staring at her in complete bewilderment. The fact that he’s there at all surprises her because he hasn’t been seen since about two days after he and the rest of the Avengers crashed her old farmhouse back in April 2015. She was starting to believe that maybe this was 2023. This was all very weird. What the hell was going on?

“You weren’t supposed to bring her back to 2023.” She hears May chastise the not her husband, who might be her husband in the future. Because apparently, she really is in the future. Maybe they were divorced because there’s no way she would allow Clint to have that hair if they were still married.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked her as he pulled her away from Clint. She could see Natasha now. She now had an arm around Clint or at least was trying to. He pushed her away. Of course, this Natasha had red hair again with blonde ends.

“I’m fine. What’s going on?” Laura asked, but nobody answers her. Everybody’s attention is focused on May and Simmons.

“Actually, that was the plan. Our plan, anyway.” Simmons explained, and May’s eyes became filled with concern.

“What did you do?” May asked, the worry evident in her voice.

“Don’t give me that look. Do you really think we’re going to be able to find all the infinity stones and then magically snap our fingers and bring everybody back?” Simmons asked bitterly.

“Yes, actually.” Laura heard Steve respond from beside her.

“Then you’re delusional because that’s just not feasible. At best, your plan was wishful thinking. We are low on Pym particles that we are unable to reverse engineer despite Deke being able to reverse engineer anything. Regardless of Bruce’s help and Deke coming across some old notes on the SI servers, we barely figured out how to create a time guidance system. That’s only because we had the residue energy from the monolith to help. No one else may be willing to admit it, but there’s no way we're going to be able to reverse what Thanos did, but we could at least get Fitz and Laura back.” May looks like she is near seconds from punching Simmons, but Steve quickly leaves Laura to physically hold May back.

“Take a moment.” Laura hears Steve whisper. “She is still grieving.”

“We are all still grieving. However, we’ve learned to move forward, but Simmons hasn’t. That’s not an excuse to be so obsessed about Fitz. You're being very selfish. You even risked your own grandson.” Laura mumbles the word grandson under her breath as she continues to look on extremely confused. What the hell is going on here?

“He volunteered,” Simmons argued. “And since Stark won’t help us, maybe Fitz will when Deke brings him back.” Okay, who is Deke? Laura thought to herself. “If anybody can reverse engineer the Pym particles, it’s him.

“Except he’s not here, and neither is Deke,” May yelled back.

“Just because you moved on doesn’t mean the rest of us have. We need Fitz, and I had to take this chance to bring him back.”

“I’ve adapted to our current circumstances, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope. Robin says we can do this. I believe her. You could have Fitz back.” At the name of the six-year-old, Laura almost relaxed.

“Not the one that was blown up by the monolith. Coulson and Yo-Yo died, and Daisy and Mack turned to dust; you married Captain bloody America and adopted two kids.” Simmons yelled.

Laura realizes at those words she is not in Kansas, or rather her own timeline, anymore.

Before she could ask how she ended up in a world where Steve married someone who is not Tony, she heard her phone ping. Laura quickly moved to the side of the room to look at her phone in peace. Steve was too busy calming his wife down to pay attention to her.

Avengers Friday: The number you are trying to contact is no longer a member of the Avengers communication group. I can contact Mr. Stark directly if necessary if this is an emergency. Otherwise, I am not authorized to do so.

Counselor Laura: I think me being stuck in 2023 qualifies as an emergency. Why is Tony not a part of Avengers? Is it because Steve is now married to May? How did that happen? Also, where is Ana? Why aren’t you Afia anymore?

Avengers Friday: I do not know who Ana and Afia are. Mr. Stark left the Avengers for health reasons after being stranded in space for 21 days with limited resources aggravated his heart condition. Therefore, he is not healthy enough to continue being Ironman. Although he occasionally serves as a consultant and babysits Robin when Steve and May need to both go on a mission together especially now that Kamala is at Vision Academy.

Counselor Laura: Please explain to me how that happened. I have so many questions and have no idea where to start

Avenger Friday: They renewed their acquaintance after Agent Coulson died in May 2018 post decimation. They married six months later so that Agent Melinda May-Rogers could get custody of a young inhuman girl named Kamala Khan, in addition to being able to keep Robin. Kamala was the cousin of a Shield agent who also disappeared during the decimation along with the rest of his family.

Counselor Laura: What happened to Polly?

Avenger Friday: Robin’s biological mother was killed shortly before the decimation. Despite the vast number of children orphaned during the decimation, what was left of the infrastructure did not want to give a single woman with ties to a disgraced spy agency custody of two young children.

Counselor Laura: That doesn’t surprise me. I assume that means Steve isn’t a fugitive anymore because the Mumbai agreement went through.

Avenger Friday: VP Rhodes pushed personally for a pardon. I do not know this Mumbai agreement that you speak of.

Counselor Laura: I think I know the answer to this, but how did Tony and Steve’s engagement end? Were they ever engaged or even dating? Did they even start speaking to each other again after the Siberia fiasco?

Avenger Friday: No, they did not until a dying Coulson contacted Tony shortly before the decimation. Tony and Steve were never engaged or even dated for that matter. Tony was engaged to Ms. Potts at the time of the decimation. Although they have yet to have the ceremony, they live in Pennsylvania with their four-year-old daughter Morgan. Technically his last name is now Potts-Stark but I prefer to still call him Mr. Stark. I can only describe Steve and Tony’s relationship as complicated. However, their children enjoy regular play dates despite their age differences.

Laura was now 100% sure she was in a different timeline. For one thing, her May and Steve started talking to each other again in 2016, not 2018. That’s not even mentioning Tony and Steve burying the hatchet the same year and getting engaged. Phil is alive and well in her timeline for another. Laura began to wonder if this was the timeline that James Leopold, a.k.a. other Fitz came from. Yes, she knows about the other Fitz as well as some of things that happened in the other timeline. She knows that Tony and Steve never reconciled there and Tony was about to marry Pepper before Leo was pushed back in time. Phil Coulson was dying. She knows that James Leopold mostly had a psychotic break because he was trying so hard to prevent the events that led to his terminal illness. Laura is also pretty sure she heard Simmons say that her Fitz died in a monolith explosion. That would be way too much of a coincidence to happen in two timelines.

Deke was apparently being sent back to keep that from happening, whoever Deke was. Instead, somehow, she ended up here, and he was missing.

Counselor Laura: Friday? I have one more question for you. What is this decimation that you keep referring to?

Avenger Friday: The Decimation refers to the events of April 28, 2018. Thanos was able to collect all six infinity stones and wiped 50% of all living life out of existence, including plants and animals. Although the Avengers were able to find Thanos and kill him, the stones were destroyed, and they were unable to reverse the decimation.

Clint’s strange behavior from earlier began to make sense. Of course, he would act like that if she was essentially dead.

Counselor Laura: Friday, was I among those lost during this decimation?

Avenger Friday: Yes, along with your 3 children.

Laura would like to argue otherwise that she didn’t lose consciousness while reading that message from Friday, but she would be lying. Wouldn’t you pass out too if you found out you were trapped in a world where your kids were dead?

To be continued

Chapter Text

Anthony love: So where exactly are you oh fiancé of mine? I haven’t heard from you since we found out Coulson was being kidnapped by my soon to be very former Deputy Director.

Anthony love: BTW I have agents searching her home right now. I never trusted her. We're aware the president’s choices in political appointments are shit outside of Platypus and his big boss.

Anthony love: It’s been less than an hour, but I am concerned. Mainly because I’ve been informed that you’re no longer actually on Earth as of five minutes ago.

Anthony love: Your lack of response is making me believe that you’re no longer on Earth. With the Princess and little birds help theoretically, I’ve tapped into the interplanetary communications network, but there’s a lag time.

Anthony love: You off-planet would concern me if the flaming head didn’t possess the ability to make portals. I’m still trying to come up with a scientific explanation for him. No, I don’t believe the “devil” gave him superpowers.

Anthony love: Unless he’s referring to Ross as the devil. That explanation would almost be viable. You know he was using State Department funds to do who knows what before he got kicked out. Platypus and the new M are still trying to figure out all the ways he misappropriated funds.

Anthony love: I’m sure evil Ross’s new “think tank” is probably funded by Watchdog sympathizers doing lots of crazy shit. I can’t wait until he’s arrested for fraud.

Anthony love: So, are the secret Avengers MIA because of Coulson, or did you fly off to Asgard to be part of the Calvary? I feel like that’s something flaming head would do and only partially because Lilly’s aunt made him.

Anthony love: Speaking of the Calvary, I barely was able to keep Agent America from flying over to Mumbai to get her boyfriend back. Although if I don’t hear back from you by morning our time, I’m probably going to resort to using an Icer on her.

Anthony love: I feel like that would lead to a broken nose, and there’s no way I’m risking that before the wedding.

Anthony love: Although maybe Agent America will go for a different body part then you. I feel there are some body parts that you would be really upset if she attacks.

Anthony love: PS that body part really misses you and is sad we probably won’t even have time for a supply room handjob. We haven’t been in the same country since Valentine’s Day/Presidents’ Day weekend. The finalization of the Mumbai agreement and getting Flash settled in his own apartment have been time-consuming.

Anthony love: So please hurry up and text me back. Because I do not want to deal with a pissed-off Agent May. I’m not 100% sure she’d ever forgiven Leo for icing her to prevent her from using the big book of evil everything.

Anthony love: I know you’ve been radio silent for less than an hour, but she’s worried. You know we’re all on edge because Robin keeps drawing pictures of doom, gloom, and a purple genocidal maniac.

Anthony love: Also, Laura just got kidnapped from the compound.

Anthony love: I realize now I probably should have led with that. I have other agents going there to deal with that. This may be the other reason why Agent America is concerned. Simultaneous kidnappings are never a good sign.

Anthony love: So, there is a chance we may be dealing with alien doubles again with teleporting abilities. Remind me again why I took this job? Oh yes, to get you back in the country.

Anthony love: You’re the only thing worth this much craziness.

Anthony love: Hey sweetie pickle, I must go. Spidey senior is texting me on the Avenger line, but I will be back. Write me.

Anthony love: Like seriously, what the fuck is going on sugarplum?

Xxxxx

TMNS: We’re on our way to the Lighthouse because, apparently, we're not allowed to go to the compound per Ms. Marvel’s cousin.

Director Stark: That would be because someone who looks a lot like Laura’s husband teleported into the building about an hour ago and then teleported out with her. So, you are not going to the compound.

TMNS: We are aware.

Director Stark: Ms. Marvel and family are coming here. You know outside of the one cousin that’s a Shield agent.

Director Stark: Along with Lily bear and the big brother. Also, I had to send Yo-Yo to tell Purple Arrow about what happened, and that’s not going to be a pleasant conversation. But it’s better than one of the kids video calling him. Lily really wants to talk to her dad right now.

TMNS: Since you’re already bringing civilians into the lighthouse, this might be the time to tell you that Flash is with us. He kind of passed out, and Afia doesn’t want to leave him alone in his apartment.

Director Stark: Why did Flash pass out? Was alcohol involved? I heard about the break-up. I knew we should have tried a more intensive rehab program with him, but he didn’t want to miss school.

TMNS: Why did everybody know about the breakup before me? Also, no drinking. Although apparently vast quantities of ice cream were involved.

Director Stark: We have a secure Avengers/Shield chat group for it. Everybody hated his boyfriend. Although probably for different reasons than you did.

TMNS: We’re friends, and [Redacted] can barely take that. I like MJ. I just don’t want him to be with a dick. He deserves more than that.

Director Stark: Because you like him like you like MJ and not entirely sure how to process that. Please don’t lie to yourself. It’s annoying.

Director Stark: Also, MJ keeps getting you books on polyandry. I think she’s trying to tell you something. Just take the third option.

Director Stark: Also, if I dated who my friends wanted me today, I would still be with Pepper. Maybe you should make your own choices.

TMNS: Flash passed out because he now knows my secret identity and that Afia is an LMD. He found out about that because she kind of passed out. Although Karen referred to it as data overload.

Director Stark: Kid, you should’ve led with that. Ana, why wasn’t I informed?

TMNS: Your daughter is fine. She just doesn’t remember the last two hours. The good news is Flash is conscious again. Piper is taking care of him.

Director Stark: Which explains why Agent Piper hasn’t checked in. Ana still should’ve said anything, and she’s not responding at all, my Ana anyway. The secret Avengers version has made contact. Why is my AI not responding?

TMNS: Karen says that she’s busy processing the data that overloaded  Afia. Karen is taking care of all necessary ATCU functions now. She’s also trying to figure out how to deliver your messages to Steve. The estimated arrival time is three hours.

“Karen, thank you for stepping up. But what could be that overwhelming?” Tony said out loud, realizing per the emergency protocol created after the Princess and the Fitz twins turned Friday into a real girl, Karen was now the main Avenger AI. Avenger Ana was a separate system for Secret Avengers use.

“Possibly processing all the data related to our attempt at turning Pym Tech into a Time Machine. It didn’t work because instead of ending up in our past, we ended up in a different timeline. Although it is 2018, so we are in the past. I think that’s what Nana was going for since I did find Bobo. You’re not necessarily my Bobo, but maybe her Bobo. The multi-verse is confusing. Maybe I should have talked to other Stark instead of just peeking at his private server for his time travel notes.” The voice Tony heard was not Karen, but some unknown guy standing next to Leo and Hunter.

“Who are you?” Tony asked, confused, and concerned.

“According to a DNA scan, my step-grandson,” Hunter replied nonplussed.

“I read that in your report, and I still find it highly implausible despite my husband having a teammate that makes my Ferrari flame,” Tony replied.

“Or nephew. He could be Fitz’s grandkid.” Leo remarked. “Did you and Capt. Patriotism elope in the last 24 hours?” Hunter’s comment caused Tony to realize he referred to Steve as his husband. He’s not going to call attention to that slip.

“Obviously, he is your nephew since we’re sleeping together,” Hunter said, kissing Leo. “Definitely a Fitzsimmons kid,” Hunter whispered against Leo’s lips.

“This is not how I wanted to find out my grandfather is bisexual. Nana never mentioned this.” The alleged grandson replied.

“What’s going on?” Tony asked, looking at the trio still very confused.

“That’s a long story,” Hunter replied, sighing.

“And we're still trying to figure it out.” Leo followed up for his husband. Tony is totally calling Hunter Leo’s husband because they really were legally married, even if Hunter was unaware. Well as legal as it can be when technically the other person is from a different timeline.

“I’m going to go get some of the good hot chocolate, and then we are going to go into my office and you’re going to explain what the fuck is going on,” Tony said as he looked to his phone again. Peter just texted him back to let him know that they were five minutes out. Maybe they should just have a large group debrief.

“Can I have a Zima?” The alleged nephew asked. “My grandfather is married to Hunter. I need one.”

“No. I feel like whatever you’re going to tell me requires me to not be around any alcohol, including something as odious as Zima.”

“You’re not wrong,” Hunter mumbled under breath.

To be continued

Chapter Text

The new consultant: So Afia told me that you know and told me to text you via the Avengers communication system before running into some top-secret meeting that will hopefully tell her where the fuck my cousin is. Are you in Avenger medical?

The new consultant: Did you faint? You’re not drinking again, are you? I worry about you.

Venom: Still sober, which is somewhat remarkable considering this day began with seeing my now ex-boyfriend making out with somebody else on Instagram and ended with me finding out my best friend is a robot.

Venom: Which truth was my robot friend referring to? The fact that I was rejected last year by the same guy twice on the same day or that my only friend is a robot.

Venom: Also, who came up with my codename? I don’t like Venom. Why on earth did they decide to refer to me as Venom in this system?

The new consultant: Regarding your code name, I don’t know. I think it’s randomly assigned. I’m apparently stuck with the new consultant. I don’t even know who the old consultant was.

Avenger Karen: The old consultant was Mr. Stark-Rogers himself. Your cousin also took on that name for a while. Mr. Stark-Rogers chose that nickname for you. The boy in the chair assigned Mr. Thompson the codename, venomous asshole, during his Shield apprenticeship before his mother removed him from the program. Spidey changed it to Venom because he knew you would want a cool superhero codename. Also due to the various media deals with the Avengers, the use of the codename Flash is prohibited by Warner Media.

Venom: Who is the boy in the chair?

Avenger Karen: No one under 18 can be referred to by their actual name on official Avengers/ATCU communications channels. However, you are no longer a minor. I will tell you he is Spidey’s friend.

Venom: I shouldn’t even be surprised that Spidey’s BFF came up with that name. Also, apparently, somebody is switching to the new last name early.

The new consultant: That also confirms that you have other friends who are not robots, including teenage mutant ninjas spider. Although personally, I don’t consider Afia a robot. She is still a person who just happens to be a fabricated Wakandan American.

Venom: OK, point.

The new consultant: Spidey is your friend or possibly more than a friend. We’re still in high school, there’s no real need for labels.

Venom: Who never told me that he is Spider-Man. Or that he made out with me at the Fitzsimmons wedding last year.

Venom: Sorry, I kissed your not-a-boyfriend in front of you. I still don’t get why you gave me chocolate after that humiliation.

The new consultant: I’m not. It was an enjoyable experience. You’re also the reason why Peter figured out he isn’t heterosexual. I gave you chocolate because I knew you needed it. We are friends.

Venom: Oh. I didn’t know that.

Venom: I knew that we’re friends, but I didn’t realize that’s how [redacted] figured out the truth. That’s a lot.

The new consultant: You’re not going to faint on me again?

Venom: I fainted on [redacted] and Afia.

The new consultant: It still counts.

Venom: Okay, why does the system redact Penis P’s name, but not Afia?

The new consultant: I have no idea. Let’s just refer to him as Benji for the rest of this conversation. Unless you want to discuss your fascination with his genitalia.

Venom: So how long have you known who Benji really is? Obviously, long enough to give me chocolate at the wedding. Why did I think it was a good idea to kiss a random superhero?

The new consultant: Heat of the moment. I’ve known since the inauguration. It was just too coincidental that Spider-Man showed up in DC again at the same time Benji was there.

Venom: I’m an idiot.

The new consultant: No, you were busy dealing with family drama. Even without Benji accidentally taking the mask off in front of you, you would’ve figured it out soon.

Venom: Yet, I didn’t pick up on it when I was living in the Stark-Rogers household. I just assumed Benji was holding back in PE to keep the boy in the chair from feeling bad.

The new consultant: I think that might be partially true. You’re aware he gets jealous. The boy in the chair doesn’t even know Benji is probably a Kenzie 2 and checks your ass out in gym class regularly.

Venom: Something else I apparently never noticed. Along with the fact that Afia never eats. At least not those first few months.

The new consultant: She does now. Her body can create energy from food just like we do. She got an upgrade last summer.

Venom: ?

The new consultant: Are you familiar with Clark’s third law?

Venom: Sufficiently advanced scientific Technology is indistinguishable from magic or something like that?

The new consultant: Close enough. That’s essentially Afia. The state of New York won’t allow Tony to adopt, so his AI Friday decided to take things into her own hands with the help of the Princess. They used science to create a person, a child for Tony to raise.

Venom: Which is bull shit because Tony is such a better dad than my parents. Any child would be happy to have him as a father. He does so well with [redacted].

Venom: I guess I can’t say that name either.

The new consultant: We call him Spidey Junior, and you’re going to have to ask Tony to explain that nickname.

Venom: I caught him sticking to the walls once. I think I get the idea. I really am that oblivious.

The new consultant: Afia is happy to be his daughter. She’s a person. She just came into the world a little differently.

Venom: I think I get that, and I’m not that upset about the robot thing because, honestly, she tried to tell me the truth since the beginning. Since I’m stuck in medical with nothing to do, I’ve been reading our old text messages, and it’s all there.

The new consultant:  She has. You just never believed her.

Venom: I think we have established that I’m an idiot.

The new consultant: Just incredibly obtuse. I really wish you would’ve figured out your ridiculous behavior regarding Benji was a crush when we were freshmen.

Venom: That would’ve required me to figure out I am gay, and that took a while.

The new consultant: Because your dad was a homophobic asshole and unfortunately, you internalized his toxic behavior.

Venom: You really do see everything.

The new consultant: I guess this is the point in this conversation where I offer my condolences for the ex-boyfriend.

Venom: You’re not sorry we broke up. You hated the guy I was dating.

The new consultant: Maybe because I saw this coming, especially after you called me in tears after flying out to California to see him. You still never told me why.

Venom: We got in a fight because I didn’t want to go all the way. I thought I was ready when I decided to go to California for Valentine’s Day, but I freaked out the moment he inserted a second finger. It didn’t feel right. He was mad that I stopped things and kept trying to talk me into continuing, but I just left and then called you.

Venom: Okay, I pushed him away, then I called you after I got a lyft to the airport. Allegedly that’s why he fucked around with someone else despite sending apology flowers. Apparently, the hooking up with someone else was happening long before Valentine’s Day, and I’m an idiot for not noticing.

The new consultant: You can do better. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries.

Venom: You mean [redacted].

Venom: I mean, Benji. This filter is good.

The new consultant: Well, you do you know his biggest secret now, and I’m sure at least he knows that no means no. Also, if he ever found out what happened, he may be tempted to break his no-killing policy. At a minimum, he would web him up to the Hollywood sign or something.

Venom: Because apparently, he’s the epitome of good. He’s crushing on you.

Venom: I’m still having trouble reconciling Benji with Spidey, and really, I shouldn’t.

The consultant: No, because he also likes you. He enjoyed kissing you more than Liz.

Venom: We still need to talk about him being Spider-Man first. Which won’t be that hard since we're going to be sharing a room at the Lighthouse as soon as I’m freed from medical. Which will apparently happen once the all-hands meeting is over on deck 52.

Venom: Did you know that last year’s wedding location is a secret Shield/ATCU/Avenger base with like 100 floors underground?

The new consultant: Yes. I spent a lot of my summer there.

The new consultant: Be easy on Benji. I think part of him wanted to tell you the truth, but he was afraid.

Venom: Which is understandable because rumors about our Inhuman heritage got us targeted by terrorists.

The new consultant: Actually, I think that he’s been less careful around you than other people so he was hoping you would find out by accident.

Venom: Except I am ridiculously obtuse apparently, and he literally had to take his mask off in front of me for me to get it.

Venom: Afia has been telling me she is a robot since we first met each other, and I didn’t believe her. What is wrong with me?

The new consultant: That you’re not used to the world we live in yet. Your mind was just trying to come up with the most rational explanation possible. You should probably ask Simmons to give you the orientation.

Venom: I’m afraid to even ask what that is.

The new consultant: It’s probably for the best.

The new consultant: You know I really am okay if you and Benji hook up.

Venom: You’ll just want pictures?

The new consultant: Maybe.

Venom: I’m not. I just broke up with my long-distance boyfriend because he was sleeping with someone else allegedly because I wasn’t ready to put out. Also, I just found out my two crushes are the same person. We need to talk.

The new consultant: Which is a good idea because I was about a week from locking you two in a room together to work things out.

The new consultant: With lube and condoms.

Venom: [6 Rolling eyes emojis]

Venom: I’m not sure how to start that conversation. I’m sure it will just be awkward, and I may end up calling him Penis [redacted] again.

The new consultant: Then maybe you should write to him. His Avenger system name is TMNS short for teenage mutant ninja spider.

Venom: That’s your great advice?

The new consultant: It worked for Afia’s parents. They were publicly fighting in an airport before they started texting each other. Now they’re getting married in a month. I know she told you how they work through their issues. If it can work for the future Dr. and Mr. Stark-Rogers, then maybe you should try it, Eugene.

Venom: I really should change my first name. I feel like that name was their first act of cruelty against me.

The new consultant: You really should. I’m now glad I’m a Jones instead of a Johnson, cool superhero cousin non-withstanding.

The new consultant: I’m going to try to sleep, but tell your BFF to text me when she gets back no matter what. I really want to know what’s going on with my cousin.

Venom: I’m sure it is just a mission thing. You told me Quake goes dark all the time.

The new consultant: I just feel like something different is happening this time. Like we're on the cusp of something big. I hope it’s not another New York.

Venom: Or murder bots fiasco.

The new consultant: One can hope.

To be continued.

Chapter Text

Steve: Is Laura conscious yet? Does Bruce know why she lost consciousness?

Melinda: Other than finding herself five years in the future?

Steve: I don’t think that’s entirely it. I saw her looking at her phone before she passed out and I think that’s why she passed out. I think we need to look at her phone to really know what happened.

Melinda: Not yet. Clint and I are in the room with her. I agree with you. Can you convince Friday to let you have access?

Steve: Friday says no because this is a Shield agent’s phone, and I’m not a Shield agent or an agent of the successor agency. Therefore, I’m not allowed to have access to Agent Barton’s work phone.

Steve: I didn’t think Laura was a Shield agent?

Melinda: She was a high school guidance counselor, at least the Laura we knew.

Steve: Didn’t she come with a bag? Maybe you should check that for clues?

Melinda: Clever idea.

Melinda: It’s not a regular purse, it’s a Shield Mission purse with a hidden weapons compartment. It also contains her work lanyards and a Shield badge. It was issued in October 2016.

Melinda: There is also an ATCU badge in the bag along with a faculty ID card for Midtown School of Science. She’s a guidance counselor there. The Midtown badge was issued in September, and the ATCU one was issued in October of 2016.

Steve: How can that be? Wasn’t the ATCU disbanded by that point?

Melinda: Yes, because Director Mace wanted a return to the S.H.I.E.L.D brand even though Agent Burroughs argued against it. Mace thought Shield’s image could be rehabilitated. Burroughs was right.

Steve: I am aware.

Melinda: I don’t think this is Clint’s Laura.

Steve: I think you may be right. Maybe you should try to get into her phone. You are the Director of Shield.

Melinda: What’s left of it. Even Deke is now missing.

Melinda: Friday just gave me remote access.

Steve: Good. Maybe you should start with her text messages?

Melinda: That was Friday’s suggestion too since they were talking to each other.

Steve: Good idea.

Melinda: Apparently, Friday took over a conversation with somebody Laura’s address book refers to as Boss Tony.

Steve: Do you think that refers to Stark?

Melinda: It’s his cell phone number. I know it because Morgan is always texting Robin from that number.

Steve: Because Morgan has Tony wrapped around her little finger and he will always let her play with his phone. What was she texting Tony about?

Melinda: She was texting him about Clint showing up unexpectedly when he was supposed to be in Malibu with Nikki, which is what I assume to be a code name for Nate. She referred to Clint as her “estranged husband”. Also, apparently Stark now has an AI named ANA.

Steve: That’s different.

Melinda: Laura and Tony also speculate about Clint being a shape-shifting alien.

Steve: Rocket says that they do exist. He said there are multiple species that have that ability.

Melinda: They do. Phil was impersonated by one in the 90s.

Steve: I am glad Rocket wasn’t here.

Melinda: He might be able to help with this time travel situation.

Steve: But we would’ve just had another reason for Laura to lose consciousness.

Melinda: Friday took over the conversation when Laura arrived here, letting her know that Tony was no longer part of the Avenger network. Although apparently, he’s kept that number for Morgan to make phone calls on.    

Steve: OK

Melinda: She asked if Tony stopped being an Avenger because you married someone else. She also asked Friday how your engagement with Tony ended.

Steve: What?

Melinda: Friday also promptly confirmed her suspicions that you and Tony never started speaking to each other again after Siberia.

Steve: Oh

Melinda: The last thing Friday told her was that her children were victims of the decimation.

Melinda: That explains why she lost consciousness. Finding out your children are essentially dead would make anybody lose consciousness.

Steve: Waking up in the future and realizing everybody you love is gone can be quite disconcerting. I think we’re going to have to prevent Friday from telling her anything else. I think she needs to be eased into it.

Melinda: There’s no easy way to ease somebody into waking up in the future, although this reality is slightly less dystopic than the earth being cracked apart.

Steve: Marginally so. I think you should look at her photo album.

Melinda: Why?

Steve: So, we can be 100% sure she’s from a different past or timeline. Maybe Simmons should look through her phone? She’s better with tech.

Melinda: That would not be advisable since I just came across a photo of Hunter and Fitz making out. Friday make sure Simmons doesn’t access this phone.

Avenger Friday: Of course, Director May-Rogers.

Melinda: Also, don’t answer anymore of Laura’s questions.

Avenger Friday: Yes, Director May-Rogers.

Steve: She’s definitely from a different timeline? One where me and Tony start talking to each other again after Siberia?

Melinda: To the point where the two of you are engaged one month before Thanos arrived in our timeline.

Steve: I don’t want to talk about that.

May: We should.

Steve: That’s not us.

Melinda: But you need to fix things with Tony. It’s been seven years, and you’ve never worked through your guilt regarding what happened.

Steve: My relationship with Tony is fine. He’s taking care of Robin while we’re trying to undo what Thanos did.

Melinda: You refer to Tony in your address book as Morgan’s father. Your relationship is not fine. Nothing about your relationship with Tony is fine and you don’t want to do anything to change that. I think he’s moved past Siberia. Have you?

Melinda: Also, a lesser person would be upset that you call me his name during sex.

Steve: Sometimes when you're half asleep, you call me Phil and I'll never be angry about that. It was my fault we lost. The Avengers were in pieces because of me and we lost.

Melinda: I don’t think everything can be blamed on you. We all made mistakes. I don’t think it’s healthy that you put everything on yourself. We're both a mess.

Steve: I know.

Melinda: You keep doing it anyway. You can’t let go of the past.

Steve: Neither can you. We wouldn’t be trying to do what we're doing if we could let go. Simmons was wrong. Neither one of us has moved on.

Melinda: Phil is gone, and even if what we're planning to do works, he's not coming back.

Steve: But we can bring Daisy back.

Melinda: I need to go. Laura’s waking up.

Steve: Okay.

Melinda: But in the meantime, you should talk to Stark.

Steve: Why? He doesn’t want to help other than taking care of Robin.

Melinda: We are going to need him to get Laura back to her own time at a minimum. We already screwed up once on our own.

To be continued.

Chapter Text

Venom: I’ve been told that I’m not leaving medical without you. When will you be back?

Venom: Also, bring ice cream or any type of junk food. I feel like I deserve it today. I mean, I did find out my boyfriend was fucking around on me, and I made out with you a year ago and didn’t know. That would’ve been an appropriate time to tell me the truth.

Venom: Also, you let me down gently for the same person twice. A person you have yet to make a move on.

TMNS: I was planning to do something this summer when we’re in Europe, although that may not happen now. There may not even be a trip anymore because of things I am probably not allowed to even put in a rapid Avenger message. I wish Tylenol still worked on me. I have such a bad headache right now.

Venom: I’ll give you a massage when you come. That usually helps. What the hell were you talking about in that meeting? Are aliens coming again?

Venom: Actually, don’t answer that because I feel like your answer will be yes and I don’t have the energy. Not if I’m going to stay sober. Although is MJ’s cousin okay?

Venom: Apparently, because that’s a nickname, the filters let that go through.

TMNS: Agent Tremors was well at the time of her last communication.

Venom: That doesn’t sound as reassuring as it should be.

TMNS: I think we will be done in half an hour. I’m going to need ice cream too.

Venom: Ice cream is good. I would’ve gained so much weight this year if we weren’t working out together.

Venom: I just realized you were probably always holding back because you’re a superhero. So, we're not going to talk about the spider in the room?

TMNS: I’m not sure how to address that spider. Everyone keeps finding out by accident, and they never react well. My aunt freaked out and was about to bring lawyers against Mr. Stark.

TMNS: Actually, so did [redacted], but differently. Which led to him telling everybody that I was friends with Spider-Man and forcing me to make an appearance at Liz’s party. MJ has been the only one who hasn’t freaked out about it. She just casually mentioned it in a conversation.

Venom: That is not surprising. At least I didn’t freak out, nor did I tweet about it. Me knowing Spider-Man would get rid of my pariah status at school. I know they’re still all pissed off at me about losing Damien, our star basketball player, despite the fact he’s a date raping terrorist group joining prick.

TMNS: You lost consciousness. I only caught you because I started to tingle. I think that counts as freaking out.

Venom: That wasn’t about you. It’s been a long day [redacted], and it just caught up all at once. Although I really want to know more about this tingling.

TMNS: Afia told me about the breakup. I’m sorry.

Venom: It was for the best. I don’t really want to talk about it right now.

TMNS: Understandable. You still didn’t deserve to be hurt like that.

Venom: Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Did you not tell me the truth because you were afraid I was going to tell the entire Flash Mob about it? Because you know I wouldn’t do that. Especially after you kept the truth about my ridiculously fucked up family and the fact that I’m gay to yourself. You haven’t even told your BFF.

TMNS: Of course, I didn’t think you would do that. You don’t really care if you’re still a pariah at school because you have real friends now. You don’t throw those friends under the bus. If popularity was all you cared about, everybody would know that you are best friends with Aifa Stark-Rogers, and Tony Stark-Rogers was practically your guardian for a year. You don’t even tweet that much anymore.

Venom: I’m no longer dependent on social media for my social interactions because, apparently, I have actual friends now.

Venom: So, if you were not worried about me telling the entire world the Spidey truth, why did you never tell me? I think we're friends now.

TMNS: Yes, considering you don’t call me Penis [redacted] anymore. Although that name has taken on a different context. I’m starting to think the first time it was a Freudian slip, and you tried to pass it off as an insult.

Venom: You’re aware I’m totally oblivious.

TMNS: You ended up living with the Stark-Rogers for a year. You became the target of a terrorist group because you’re friends with Afia, and Damien told everybody that you’re Inhuman. The watchdogs almost killed you twice. Me and Afia were the only ones who kept it from happening. I don’t want to put you in danger again, and knowing the truth would’ve done that. It’s a dangerous secret.

Venom: Of course, she’s the Purple Princess. I’m already on the Watchdog's shit list. What’s one more?

Venom: Also, I was staying with the Stark-Rogers because my dad is an alcoholic piece of shit who used to beat the crap out of me. The Watchdogs were a convenient excuse to get me out of hell. That’s not on you, Benji.

TMNS: I don’t want you dead, especially because of me. I don’t need more blood on my hands.

Venom: Is this the time we remind you that your uncle’s death wasn’t your fault? I thought that was a November thing.

TMNS: There’s also those that I was unable to save. Do not say, “you can’t save everyone.” I already had my powers by the time Uncle Ben was killed in front of me, and I did nothing.

Venom: I wasn’t going to.

TMNS: You were thinking about it.

Venom: Maybe. Also, you were scared and 14. I bet you just got your powers before it happened. You need to get over your martyrdom complex, Benji.

TMNS: Can we just leave it at that you’re on my list of people I care about?

Venom: I feel like there’s more to it than this.

TMNS: Maybe I was afraid of how you were going to react. I either get fear or hero-worship. Tony compares coming out as a person with superpowers to coming out gay or bi. Tony said he announced to the world he was Ironman because he wanted to come out the second time on his own terms.

Venom: I get the analogy. Is it the same?

TMNS: I don’t know because I haven’t even told the boy in the chair that I’m demisexual queer romantic.

Venom: Did Afia gave you that label or MJ?

Venom: Also, I’m happy I’m on your people that you care about list.

TMNS: It helps that you're not a dick anymore, and it was MJ or rather the book she got me. She’s been buying me a lot of books about that stuff lately. It’s been helping me figure things out a little.

Venom: I’m working on not being a dick. It’s easier not living with my parents anymore. [Redacted] doesn’t know yet?

TMNS: I’ll tell him if I ever have a boyfriend. Which may not be anytime soon because I don’t know if I should get anybody else involved in this life.

Venom: And there’s MJ already. She already knows your Spidey and has not abandoned you yet.

TMNS: Are you going to abandon me now?

Venom: No, I don’t scare that easily.

TMNS: Are you mad at me for not telling you that I’m Spidey? I really should’ve told you after the kiss.

Venom: Yes, although I was finally telling people about my fucked-up family, so maybe it wasn’t the right time to add one more thing. You made a cute pillow.

Venom: I typed “nice pillow,” and my grammar IA changed it.

TMNS: Sure. I know about your old crush, there’s no point in covering it up.

Venom: I’m not lying.

TMNS: Are you mad about Afia not telling you?

Venom: Actually, she did tell me that she’s not a biologically based person. I just didn’t listen.

TMNS: I mean about me.

Venom: It wasn’t her secret to tell. That would be like her telling everyone that I’m gay.

TMNS: That is something she would never do.

Venom: Exactly, which is why I’m not mad at her. She’s a good friend.

TMNS: Hey, they are letting me and Afia leave because apparently, the grown-ups need to keep talking.

Venom: That is not reassuring.

TMNS: We have Avengers Ben & Jerry’s.

Venom: Including Spidey Berry Crunch?

TMNS: Yes.

Venom: Good. Bring ice cream, and maybe I won’t need to put you on pillow duty again.
To be continued

Chapter Text

Agent: Laura Barton

Location: Avenger compound, Medical wing

Date: October 12, 2023

I have been in this strange place for 22 hours and 18 minutes, according to Avenger Friday. That’s about the only thing she’s allowed to tell me now. May has ordered her not to tell me anything else due to her last major revelation causing me to lose consciousness.

From what I’ve gathered, I am here due to time travel gone wrong. Or maybe attempt to undo the damage caused by Thanos gone badly. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I’ve landed 5+ years in the future where half of all life in the universe was wiped out of existence at the snap of fingers and six stones.

My children are essentially dead, or rather the children of the Laura in this timeline are dead. They were among the many victims of what is referred to as the Decimation. Not that my counterpart is aware because she was also wiped out of existence. Now I understand why Clint seemed so lost when he found me at the compound. As far as he was concerned, I’d been dead for over five years. All of us being gone explains the midlife crisis hair and tattoos. A major life crisis can usually explain the worst hair and tattoo choices.

Of course, I’m going entirely on supposition because this Clint hasn’t said a word to me about anything. He was waiting for me to wake up in medical after passing out. However, after I confirmed May’s suspicions that I am a Shield agent from an alternate 2018, he’s been avoiding me. Maybe I’m just another ghost of the past to him now.

Bruce has been the only one that talks to me, although May has sat in on all those meetings, usually focusing on her phone. She was greatly relieved when she found out that Laura was from the timeline created by Leo Fitz, a.k.a. James Leopold being tossed back in time nearly 2 years by the monolith. She seemed grateful to find out that Leo didn’t die; he just created a new timeline where Tony and Steve started speaking to each other again and Coulson is not terminally ill.

Not surprisingly, Melinda left the room after that revelation. I am trying to decide if it was the Coulson was alive revelation or the fact that her husband was engaged to someone else revelation that forced her to leave. Considering Friday told me that they were only married so she could get custody of her adopted daughters, I’m leaning towards Coulson being alive and well in my timeline. I can understand how hard something like that could be.

15 minutes later, Steve arrived to take her place, and Bruce resumed his interrogation. Steve didn’t really participate except when Bruce asked him if he was bisexual and to confirm he really did date a former Sen. Christopher Ward staffer. I feel horrible for revealing that, but I needed to know for sure how close the timelines are. (And that felt like a safer topic then the half-sister in Nevada.) I’m now 100% sure they diverged when Leo came back.

Steve almost seemed relieved that we know about Thanos and are actively preparing to defeat him as a team. Of course, I don’t know if the preparations we’ve made will make any difference because nobody will answer my questions about what happened here, and I’ve asked everyone. No one answers.

As stated earlier, Friday is now banned from telling me anything else about what I am mentally referring to as the ‘Thanos wins’ timeline. I’m only aware of this order because I woke up to Natasha berating the AI for telling me too much after May told her about the information ban. I get the impression that Natasha might oversee this timeline’s Avengers. I, unfortunately, I can’t get any confirmation regarding that because Friday is banned from telling me that.

I despise this one-way exchange of information. They want to know everything about where I’m from, but won’t tell me anything of use. Of course, I’m holding some things back as well. No way am I going to mention that Leo decided not to look for a way to come back to his original timeline and is essentially married to someone else. I’m pretty sure this Simmons is holding on by a thread. She tried to come to see me once and started crying. I overheard somebody saying something about Fitz also being dusted, which confuses me. I would love for clarification, but again no one is telling me anything.

This is what I know:

On March 24, 2018, three monoliths that control space, time, and creation were destroyed by a bomb. It was presumed that Leo Fitz died during the explosion. Instead, he was transported 22 months into the past. Due to his attempt to prevent the destruction of the earth, he created an alternate timeline that apparently, I come from.

On April 28, 2018, half of all living life was wiped out by Thanos using the infinity stones. The Avengers were not able to keep him from getting all six stones. The last stand happened in Wakanda, which makes sense considering some of Robin's early drawings. I am starting to think that maybe the baby bird can see the future of multiple dimensions and timelines, not just our own. Perhaps she was showing us what would happen if Leo didn’t intervene. I don’t know for sure.

If I’m doing the math right, the decimation happened about a month after Leo disappeared from this timeline. This means that we diverge from this timeline, or at least that’s what Bruce hypothesizes. This would be our future if he didn’t come. This could still be our future except Coulson is not terminal and Steve and Tony are practically married to each other. (I haven’t even met this timeline’s Tony yet and I kind of want to smack him upside the head for letting the situation get this bad.)

Yo-Yo was killed by Thanos during the fight. I’m trying to find out if others died during the battle, but again Friday’s not allowed to tell me anything, and no one else is talking. I overheard this little tidbit.

I wish I had a comprehensive list of who is dusted, but I don’t. My children, myself, Daisy, Agent McKenzie, and all of Ms. Marvel’s family are among the dusted. I’m 99% sure that the Princess is among the dusted too, because if she was still alive, I completely expect her to be here. I also feel that the time travel might have worked properly. She is the smartest Avenger. Even my Tony says that.

The Avengers that are left have resorted to time travel to try to get the stones because they were destroyed by Thanos in this timeline, so his masterpiece cannot be undone. I assume that Thanos is dead, but again I have no confirmation on that.

I don’t know why I am writing this report. It’s not like I’m able to send it to my Tony right now. Maybe I am writing so I can put my thoughts together on what I need to do. I need to get back home to prevent this from happening. I’m not losing my kids. I’m just not. The best way to keep Thanos from winning again is to figure out how the Avengers lost.

I’m not sure they’re willing to answer my questions regarding that. They’re living with the scars of what happened, but I don’t think they ever processed it. I’m not sure if everybody grieved because they’re focusing on undoing it. On that note, I don’t think they’re going to be willing to examine the mistakes that were made closely. I hypothesize things went badly because they were not actually on speaking terms at the time of the invasion. It’s hard to stop an apocalypse when you’re not talking to many of your teammates. I think Leo made the right decision in getting Tony and Steve talking to each other again first. At least that’s one thing going in our favor.

Xxxxxx

Laura placed her phone on her lap, done for the moment, or so she thought. Suddenly she noticed text show up on her phone mysteriously.

xxxxx

I’m curious to know precisely how your Tony and Steve started talking to each other again. Because like you guessed, we have yet to really move past the Siberia fiasco. The rift was just made worse by the fact we had our asses handed to us by a giant purple alien.

 I feel like I need details because the Steve Rogers I know is not a sharer. He is also a bit of an asshole. He doesn’t like to share information; therefore, it has not surprised me at all they’re not telling you about this god awful “Thanos wins and everything is horrible” timeline that you found yourself in. Although it is good to have more confirmation that Star Trek got time travel more correct than Back to the Future.

Okay, and maybe Steve is not entirely horrible. Okay, he’s not horrible at all. Sometimes he just annoys me, but I wish we could hang out without talking about our kids. He still has a stick up his ass, in the bad way, but he is a good father and husband. Better than me sometimes, not that Pepper and I are married because reasons.

It can’t be easy raising a child that sees the future. It’s hard enough raising a normal gifted kid. Not that there is anything normal about any gifted kid. I should know.

xxxxx

After reading the text messages, Laura was 100% sure who was writing, but decided that she should write the person back. Therefore, she started to type.

xxxxx

Tony? Is that you. Also, Star Trek was right about meeting yourself not causing a world-ending paradox. Leo and Fitz are like brothers. They hang out with each other all the time.

The random text showing up on my screen is creepy. Send an actual text message or something else next time.

You are good. Yes, this is Tony. I’m going to need a number to do that.

Please, not you. You’re Tony Stark.

To be continued

Chapter Text

Girl Friday: Hey, I just got out of the meeting. Dad let us leave early because he caught Peter texting Flash when he was supposed to be paying attention to the essential briefing. He mumbled something about the end of the world being no match for teenage hormones.

The new consultant: That’s partially my fault. I told Flash to text Benji to talk things out before they ended up sharing a room tonight. Why are they sharing a room? I know the lighthouse is enormous.

Girl Friday: Now you make me feel like a bad friend. I arranged for them to share. I may have also left ice cream, condoms, and a first-aid kit with the intention of just leaving them there and checking in on them in the morning.

The new consultant: No, because honestly, I was planning to do this sometime next week if they kept tiptoeing around each other, especially because the placebo is now gone for good. It was going to be Flash’s late birthday present.

Girl Friday: This is true. Although, I feel like the First-aid kit may not actually be necessary unless Flash faints again.

The new consultant: The ice cream will be useful, at least. I don’t think they’re ready for the condoms.

Girl Friday: Maybe because of their text conversation, they will just go to sleep.

The new consultant: Possibly since it’s 2 AM.

Girl Friday: I had no idea it was that late. Since the latest Wanda tuneup, I’m starting to become a bit more human in that regard. I’m sorry I texted you.

The new consultant: I wouldn’t have messaged you back if I wasn’t up.

Girl Friday: Why are you still up?

The new consultant: It’s hard to sleep when you’re worried about one of the family members you like. You and Benji were called into an Avenger meeting. You’re never called into an Avenger meeting unless the situation is bad or involves our high school. You’re both on-call only numbers. We’re not in the middle of an apocalypse? Your dad did make an apocalypse joke.

Girl Friday: No more in the middle of one than usual.

The new consultant: That isn’t reassuring.

Girl Friday: I wasn’t trying to be.

The new consultant: I hate when you're evasive. So where is my cousin?

Girl Friday: Possibly Asgard, although we’re not 100% sure because we haven’t gotten a confirmation message from her. The Princess theorizes that it might take up to two or three days to get a message from there through the system.

The new consultant: That explains why you’re texting me on the Avenger channel. Why is my cousin on another planet?

Girl Friday: That’s all I got from my dad. A quinjet will pick you up at 7 AM and bring you to the Lighthouse.

The new consultant: That’s also not reassuring, especially because I’m going to the Lighthouse and not the Avenger compound.

Girl Friday: That would be because this afternoon, Laura was kidnapped from the Avenger compound by someone that sort of looks like her husband, but with crazy hair and more tattoos. We initially thought he was a shapeshifting alien, but it turns out he was Clint from another timeline from about five years in the future.

The new consultant: You owe me pancakes when I get there with chocolate and blueberries. Why do I feel like this is the beginning of another New York level apocalypse?

Girl Friday: Do you need me to lie to you or tell you the truth?

The new consultant: Actually, don’t answer that question at all. I just hope my cousin is safe wherever she is.

Girl Friday: I hope so too. I’m going to go sleep. That’s something that I need to do after the latest upgrade.

The new consultant: Someday we must talk about how powerful your sister-in-law really is.

Xxxxx
Avenger mission report of Agent Daisy Johnson; UN Avengers member

location: Grand Master’s palace, on the planet I’m not sure how to spell yet
Time: Unsure, 49 hours after arrival

After two days with Loki, I really want to strangle him, but understand I may be food for the locals if I do so. We barely escaped that fate by working together. I used my powers to protect us, but he manipulated things, so we didn’t end up in the gladiator ring. Being the excellent liar that he is, somehow Loki managed to get us in the house of the ruler of the planet. This whole planet seems like a mix between Vegas and the Hunger Games.

Loki has transformed into their female form and has told the Grand Master that I’m her magical warrior handmaiden. (Note to self, asked Loki about pronoun preference.) Apparently, the Grand Master enjoys princesses from far-off planets and for the moment we are safe. Although we were invited to what I’m assuming is some sort of orgy. If I find out Loki agreed for us to be concubines for this Grand Master, I will quake the Prince of Lies to pieces. BTW, that name is so stupid and pretentious.

Considering that the Grand Master’s already made a pass at me twice I see this as a possibility and I’m not having that. I did some things when I was on the street to survive that I wish I didn’t. I know that it’s necessary for me to do whatever I have to do to survive this planet, but not that. Calling a truce with the being that murdered Coulson was hard enough. Yes, the death didn’t stick, but I’m still upset about that.

Here’s what I know so far about where I am:
This is essentially an inner dimensional dumping ground of various portals like the one that sent Simmons to the planet of death and Leo back to our timeline. Also, apparently time moves differently here. Maybe just a few hours on Earth, but days or even weeks have past here or at least that’s Friday’s hypotheses. That is not reassuring at all.

I do not know if I can survive weeks or months with Loki as my only companion. Why did Robin want me to come to Asgard? Did she know this was going to happen? Why am I here? I have no idea.

I’ll send an update when I can. I don’t want people to know that I have any type of communications device. And by people, I mean my Asgardian roommate.

Tosha, send help. Robbie can find me, right? Get me out of here.

To be continued

Chapter Text

Boss Tony: According to Friday, this is your phone number. Strangely enough, it was never assigned to another member.

Counselor Laura: Apparently, you still have the phone number of my Tony since the address book is showing it as the usual contact for him even though Friday said you had a non-Avenger phone number. Congratulations, it only took you an hour.

Boss Tony: I was distracted by children. It was grilled cheese time.

Counselor Laura: I understand. Also, as long as I'm here in 2023, I'm changing the contact to Tony Potts.

Tony Potts: Good choice. Should I be concerned that you know me well enough to recognize who I am from about three paragraphs of rambling? Also, the fact you know me well enough to know that I want to know if our Fitz and your Fitz can hang out is unnerving. How many science-fiction marathons have we watched together?

Counselor Laura: A lot. I figured it out when you referred to Steve as an asshole. You still call him an asshole on a regular basis, but usually as “my asshole.” Honestly, I think it's one of your litany of pet names.

Counselor Laura: Well, not your litany, but rather my Tony’s litany of pet names. He’s also partial to Cuddle Bunny, Capt. Tight Pants, Sugar muffin, and Nomad.

Counselor Laura: BTW the Fitz that came from this timeline we call Leo so we can tell them apart, which is why I'm calling you Tony Potts.

Tony Potts: One of those seems very different than the others. Although I can definitely see Capt. Tight Pants. He has America's ass. And it's only gotten better over the years. Also, I think I would add DILF to that now.

Counselor Laura: I try not to question my Tony and Steve's relationship. Which from this point forward, I will refer to as the Stark-Rogers.  It's too headache-inducing.

Counselor Laura: To answer your question from before, the Stark-Rogers started talking again because, one night after getting completely wasted, that Tony texted Steve.

Counselor Laura: Yes, with the god-awful flip phone that Steve gave him and you just kept texting, and apparently, you’re much better at texting each other than talking in person. Eventually, you became friends and then more than friends or rather that's what happened with the Stark-Rogers.

Tony Potts: That flip phone was ridiculous. I still have it somewhere, though.

Counselor Laura: That Tony and Steve shouldn't have kept talking to each other because it was a ridiculous security risk. Coulson was covering for them because he was a closet Stony shipper. Amusingly enough, Tony Stark-Rogers had Friday covering them up with porn. Jim was not amused when he ended up the new director of Shield.

Tony Potts: That is something I would do to mess with Ross.  So you come from a world that's vastly different because unlike my Friday, his Friday actually sent those messages?

Tony Potts: Also, my Jim never ended up at S.H.I.E.L.D., but that would’ve been brilliant.

Counselor Laura: Yes. It was your idea, actually.

Tony Potts: That makes sense. You don't want to know what I said to Stevie after Thanos. I think I just made it worse. I would like to blame it on the nearly dying due to starvation, but I know better. I can be a dick sometimes.    

Counselor Laura: At least old age is making you more self-aware.

Tony Potts: No. That would be Pepper. She tells me I always say things without thinking them through. She's worried about Morgan picking up my unhealthy habits.

Counselor Laura: I think Leo convinced Friday that for the good of mankind, you and Steve needed to be on speaking terms. Although she may have eventually went full Emma.

Counselor Laura: Wait, you sent drunk text messages to Steve?

Tony Potts: I wrote them, I never actually sent any of them. I still write them sometimes, although now I’m stone-cold sober.

Counselor Laura: I'm not even surprised. I'm thankful for Friday’s intervention. Sometimes you need all the help you can get.

Tony Potts: Seriously, how do you know me so well or rather your Stark so well?

Counselor Laura: I did a stint as Tony sobriety coach post-Siberia incident. We also lived at the tower for a few months to stay off Ross’ radar. I'm still his AA sponsor. 22 months and going strong. I’m really proud of him.

Tony Potts: I am at 41 months sober. There's been some stops and starts, but I don't want to be a repeat of Howard for Morgan.

Counselor Laura: That’s really good. I always felt guilty because I spent a good portion of Cody's early childhood in and out of rehab.

Tony Potts: I'm just going to assume that you don't type your kids' names in these messages.  I am surprised you are so close to other me. I never actually talked to you again after you so graciously allowed us to hide in your house that time I made murder bots. I think I sent you a chocolate gift basket, though.

Counselor Laura: You did, and it made the last month of pregnancy tolerable. You have excellent choice in chocolate and apology presents. Although, I prefer when you deliver them in person. So you didn’t show up at the farmhouse crying and asking for forgiveness?

Tony Potts: Other Tony did that?

Counselor Laura: You even arranged for us to see Clint on your private island. That’s part of the reason why I stayed clean and why I agreed to help you. You’re a good person under the suits and bravado.

Tony Potts: I considered it, but didn’t. I didn’t think you would want to see me after I caused your or rather her husband to go on the run.

Counselor Laura: I think Friday may have talked you into that too because she was working with Leo to fix things. At the same time, I think I needed a friend as much as you did back then, and that's why we bonded. My Tony did, anyway. We did become friends, and I think our friendship helped him work through a lot of his other issues. This included mending fences with his Steve, staying sober, and getting diagnosed correctly.

Counselor Laura: Have you been diagnosed with bipolar disorder?

Tony Potts: Not until after Morgan was born, because I’m afraid of becoming Howard, I finally started therapy again. I should've after we lost, but I didn't. I'm glad the other me got treatment sooner.

Tony Potts: Instead of going to you, I went to Pepper, and well at least we got back together, and we have Morgan, and it's okay.

Tony Potts: Okay, and she dumped the asshole. Turns out, he was fucking around with someone else. Please tell me that Pepper did not marry that guy in the other timeline.

Counselor Laura: No, she dumped him after she walked in on him, fucking around with some young adult movie starlet. I can’t even remember which one. Her and Happy have been dancing around each other for the last year and ½.

Tony Potts: Happy is a much better choice. Although here, he was trying to start something with Peter’s Aunt May before they were both dusted.

Counselor Laura: May Parker-Riley is dating one of Peter’s professors. Also, is everything really okay? Because it doesn’t feel like it is. You’ve lost a lot of people.

Tony Potts: I don’t know. You really do know me too well.

Counselor Laura: Not you, my Tony. I don’t know what happened here completely. No one wants to tell me because I may have passed out when I found out my children are dead here.

Tony Potts: Understandable.

Counselor Laura: I want to know what went wrong, so when I do get back home, I can make sure my children never die.

Tony Potts: What about you?

Counselor Laura: I don’t care about me. I just need my children to survive.

Tony Potts: Spoken like a real parent.

Counselor Laura: Steve just came in.

Counselor Laura: Also, apparently, he's in charge of looking through my cell phone, so can you please delete this conversation.

Tony Potts: Already done. Do you want me to lock him out?

Counselor Laura: Not yet.

To be continued

Chapter Text

“We weren’t really speaking to each other at the time of the invasion.” Laura looked up to see Steve walk into the room, holding a Stark pad.

“You should probably know that Melinda put me in charge of looking through your cell phone. She didn’t want Simmons to come across any more pictures of Fitz and Hunter making out.” Steve tells her, and she’s not surprised.

That’s when she types out a text for Tony to delete their conversation. She doesn’t want them to know she’s talking to Tony because the team might put a stop to that, and she feels like he might tell her the truth of how they lost to Thanos eventually.

“I really thought I was doing good at keeping that a secret.” She said with a groan as she hit the send button.

 “Would it make her feel better to know that she’s married to the other Fitz, and they’re expecting their first baby soon. There are some pictures of the makeup reception in there.” They had one about a month after the wedding once Leo was healed from his gunshot wounds. She still can’t believe Alastair tried to kill his son at the Fitzsimmons wedding with the help of the Watchdogs. It was beyond disturbing.

“I don’t think it would help,” Steve said darkly.

“I’ve noticed that,” Laura said as she typed out a response to Tony.

“You know, you didn’t have to go through my phone. You could’ve just asked more questions like Bruce did. I prefer that you don’t do that.”

“You were unconscious, and we were trying to figure out why when we started looking through it. That is how we figured out you were from another timeline.” Steve told her which was the reason why she deleted her original message and told Stark not to block their access just yet.

“Okay, I can understand in those circumstances, although why did Ana… Friday let you into my phone? I think only the head of Shield can get in. Although maybe the head of the Avengers could too. I’m not sure how Fitz set the permissions.” Laura explained.

“I’m not the head of the Avengers, Natasha is. Melinda is the director of Shield, though. This might be why she was able to get into the phone, and she gave me permission to keep looking. I assume things are different where you are?”

At that question, Laura realized that Bruce never asked her about that. Bruce never asked her any questions about her being a Shield agent. This made Laura think that Melinda deliberately kept that information from the man.

“You’re right, it is different. Tony is the director of the new Shield replacement agency, the advanced threat containment unit, or rather the acting director because he can’t get confirmed. Technically, it’s the ATCU but there’s still a Shield division A.k.a. the Superhuman, Inhuman, Enhanced Persons Liaison division and I’m part of that. Although I mostly work with children and teenagers with superpowers.” Laura explains.

“Is that Tony unable to be confirmed because of Ultron?” Steve asked. She was sure that Steve already knows that her timeline branched off from the year after the incident.

“They are more upset about the engagement to an American icon who happens to be a fugitive due to the Accords fiasco.” She knows that he saw the pictures of Dr. and Mr. Leopold together, but she doesn’t know if Mr. May-Rogers knows about Dr. and Mr. Stark-Rogers.

“I know the Steve of your time is with Tony. I saw a picture of them kissing at Christmas on your phone.” Steve tells her, and she can see a hint of sadness in his eyes. She knows that look because she sees it every time Steve Stark Rogers is forced to part from Tony Stark Rogers.   

“I was trying to be polite.”

“I don’t need politeness right now.” Laura was trying to remember if Steve was this much of a dick before the therapy and getting laid constantly.

“Then I can be honest and tell you that the future Dr. Stark-Rogers can’t get confirmed because he’s fucking a guy, although up until yesterday that man was a wanted fugitive. I hope the Mumbai agreement was still signed yesterday in light of my disappearance.” Steve responded with a sigh. Thankfully he didn’t ask about the Mumbai agreement.

“I wish I could say that I am surprised about that. How did that Stark end up in charge of Shield?” Steve asked her.

“He made a deal with President Ellis to get you or rather other Steve a pardon and the accords renegotiated in exchange for taking over the agency. They just came to an agreement, and the signing was happening when I was brought over to this weird place. At least this is better than that time I got kidnapped by Ross.”

“That’s the Mumbai agreement that you mentioned earlier? Ellis got a second term in your timeline?” Steve asked.

“Yes, and yes. Leo prevented the Watchdog backer from interfering with the elections, and Ellis was open to renegotiating once he was reelected. Your counterpart helped with the negotiations. Several countries including Malta, South Korea, and Wakanda backed him up.” Laura explained.

“I knew something like that happened. I’m sure whatever agreement we came up with was better than the Accords.”

“It is. The new agreement is significantly less draconian and contains protection for individuals with powers who happens to be underage. Also, no registry that can be used by terrorist groups.”

“That’s good.”

“So, are you going to ask me how your other self ended up engaged to Tony Stark?” Because honestly, Laura has been waiting for that question since she got here and realized she was trapped in this “Tony and Steve are morons” timeline. She’s expecting it since the guy came across a picture of him making out with Tony. There’s a lot of pictures of Tony and Steve kissing on her phone. Lila tended to borrow it to take photos of her uncles whenever they got to see them. Usually in Malta. The family spent a lot of time in Malta over the last year.

“Honestly, I’m more interested in knowing how they moved past Siberia at all. How did that Tony forgive me?” That part was whispered, but Laura still heard Steve.

‘Apparently, the self-flagellation is a universal constant.’ Laura thought to herself. She’s not even surprised Steve asked this question because Tony asked the same thing. God, they are so stupid.

“You understand mistakes were made on both sides? There were no good choices during the Accords’ fiasco or as my Tony refers to it as the Avengers’ uncivil toddler squabble.” Steve half chuckled at that.

“I’m starting to realize that now.”

“My Tony and Steve realized that too eventually, although it took a lot of text messaging and open and honest communication to get there.” Also, therapy and antidepressants, but Laura felt like that would violate doctor-patient confidentiality or, in this case, AA sponsor confidentiality.

She had told Tony more, but that might be because she’s closer to Tony, even if the Tony she spoke to was not her Tony. The sponsorship bond is strong. Tony has been her rock during the separation. So, of course, she’s going to be comfortable telling this timeline’s Tony about the drunk text messages.

But maybe there’s this part of her that is still annoyed with Steve for punching Clint. Yes, Steve and Clint are friends again. Perhaps even best friends, but she can still be annoyed.

“They didn’t go from fighting to making out on the couch. The future Stark-Rogers had a lot of shit to get through, and they did it together because maybe they realized the world needed them on speaking terms. At some point, my Tony and Steve realized that a lot of the choices they made were because they were in love with one another, and both were too stubborn to acknowledge it.” Steve’s blush told her she hit the nail right on the head.

“OK,” Steve mumbled as he took the seat next to her bed.

“Before Friday was banned from telling me anything, she told me that you and Tony never really recovered from Siberia even though it’s been seven years. She said your relationship with Tony is, and I quote complicated. Is that true?” Laura asked even though her conversation with Tony earlier confirmed that.

“He’s watching my daughter right now. Robin, not Kamala. She’s a junior at Brooklyn Vision Academy. She only gets to come home on the weekends. However, Robin is homeschooled, and we thought it was safer for her not to be here.” Steve explained.

“I’m not surprised at all that you have a place in Brooklyn. Also, I know both girls in my timeline.” For some reason, Laura decides not to tell him that Robin will soon be the stepdaughter of Steve’s childhood best friend. They’re planning a September wedding if the end of the world doesn’t happen first. Well, the end of half the world, her included.

“I trust Tony with my daughter. There’s not a lot of people around that I would, but he’s top of the list.” Steve tells her.

“That’s because despite what the state of New York believes, Tony is really good with children. I’m so glad somebody decided to let him adopt. I’ve already heard about Morgan.” And she could tell this Tony was in love.

“Actually, Morgan is Tony and Pepper’s biological child. Tony called her his miracle baby.” A miracle would be right, considering her Tony was extremely sterile. Although this Steve probably doesn’t know that because his relationship with Tony probably never included talking about his fertility issues.

“I’m glad you trust Tony with your kids, but that doesn’t tell me about your relationship with him. You’re not really friends anymore, are you?” Laura asked.

“I’m not 100% sure if we ever were, not really. Tony never forgave me for losing to Thanos. Losing Peter destroyed a part of him.” Considering her Tony saw Peter as his son, this was bad. “My stubbornness was why we were fighting and why the Avengers were in pieces when we really needed to be together. We lost everything because we stopped being a team. Now it feels like the only thing we have in common is our children. It is the only thing we really can talk about.”

“That sounds like a lot of my adult friendships.” Her old friendships back at the farmhouse before she became an agent herself that is. It wasn’t exactly like she could tell them what her husband did for a living. Also, most of her friendships now are with people who are Avengers, Shield agents, or the parents of kids with superpowers.

“Last week, I went to him to ask for his help with our attempt to create time travel using the Pym Particles to undo what happened. The only thing he was willing to do was to watch Robin. I think he doesn’t want to help because deep down, he still hates me.” Steve tells her. Laura was personally fighting off the desire to shake Steve. Really, she thought she was so done with Tony and Steve pining after one another. There’s also Steve being too self-absorbed to realize not everything is about him. Here we go again. Maybe she should’ve let Steve come across Tony’s ramblings to her earlier. Perhaps that would help him get a clue.

“I don’t think Tony will ever hate you. You assume that, but have you actually asked him how he feels?” Because I’m pretty sure most of his feelings are warm and fuzzy. It was also at that moment that Laura remembered that DILF stood for dad I like to fuck.

“I think Friday can show you security footage of Tony yelling at me because I wasn’t there when he needed me and ripping his armor off of his chest.” She wondered if this was the same incident that Tony talked about briefly.

“Friday, show me the video?” She asked the AI, not expecting a reply.

“Of course, Agent Barton,” Friday said before the video popped up on the screen. She almost wondered if Dr. Potts override May’s earlier orders.

“Do you really think it was the best time to ask Tony those questions? He was in a wheelchair and hooked up to an IV at the time, looking very emaciated. I know you just went through a crisis, and half the world population was gone, but time and place.” Laura asked after watching the first part of the video.

“May said I was too focused on the mission that I was obsessed with it, and I didn’t see the big picture.”

“Your wife was right. That’s something you need to work on.” She tells him as she continues watching the video. Everyone she can see in the frame is a mess. Of course, they would be after losing so much. She also wonders if this Steve ever received treatment for his adjustment disorder. She will ask later, just focus on one problem at a time.

“You realize that Tony said those things to you because he was scared and worried about you? He didn’t want to lose you too after losing everyone else. It’s pretty obvious to me that none of you were thinking very clearly after what happened.” Laura tells him after watching the grainy security footage. Note to self ask Tony about the build a bear thing. She should probably text him again. It’s not like anyone else is going to talk to her. Clint was still avoiding her, and Natasha was with him.

“You’re giving up too easily. I still think you and Tony can fix things.”

“Some things can’t be fixed,” Steve tells her.

“Some things still need to be. You and Tony need to fix things to at least the point he will come to help us because I need to go back home to prevent this from happening. It won’t undo things here, but at least you’ll prevent one universe from going through the pain you’re going through now.” Laura tells Steve.

“We don’t need Tony. Bruce and Simmons are already working on the way to bring you home.” Steve argued.

“Simmons is a mess and do not deny it because the one time she came to see me, she burst into tears,” Laura tells him.

“You may be right about that,” Steve conceded reluctantly.

“Although he has seven doctorates, I don’t think any of them were in this field. You need Tony. You need the Princess and Leo, and unfortunately, I know for a fact at least he is stuck in my timeline. I’m also 99% sure the Princess was a casualty of the decimation. Which means Tony is the best available option.” She argued.

“You’re right, she was one of the victims of the decimation along with Leo Fitz. Tony might be one of the few that understands what’s going on, especially because Deke is missing.” Steve explained as he sighed again.

“Okay, I’m confused. Please explain to me how Leo is also a victim of the decimation since I thought this timeline’s Leopold Fitz was presumed dead even though I’m now 99% sure he created my timeline. Here is an important lesson about time travel because I know you’re trying it; you don’t change your timeline by going to the past, you just make a new one.” Laura tells Steve.

“I’m aware. My wife has traveled to the future.”

“Of course.” She vaguely remembers reading something about that in Leo’s medical file.

“To rescue my wife and others from a timeline where Thanos lost, but Earth was cracked apart, Leo Fitz cryogenically froze himself to wake up 70+ years in the future. After saving everybody and defeating the Kree, they came back through the portal. Then that Fitz ended up in your timeline after the monoliths exploded. However, the version of Leopold Fitz that froze himself still exists in this timeline.” Steve explained.

“That makes sense. There are currently two different Fitzs running around in my timeline. We call the one which originated from this timeline James “Leo” Leopold.” They also occasionally call him Fitz Hunter, but she does not want Simmons to know about that. She knew Steve would keep quiet about that, but Laura was concerned Friday would do something stupid like show Simmons video of this conversation. She knows Friday’s cameras are everywhere because Tony is extra paranoid.

“After we lost, truly lost, Simmons joined the remaining Guardians with Deke to find the ship that Fitz was cryogenically frozen on. You at least heard Rocket’s voice on that video. Tony referred to him as a build a bear.”

“The one that kind of sounds like Bradley Cooper? Why would Tony refer to him as a build a bear?”

“Anyway, they did find the ship that Fitz was on. Being nonorganic, Enoch survived the decimation, but Fitz’s cryogenically frozen body was reduced to dust. Simmons actually asked Enoch to help us with the time travel thing, but he cannot interfere because apparently, this doesn’t meet the threshold for ‘extinction-level event.’” Steve explained. Laura should probably ask who Enoch is, but she’s afraid to.

“So, this other Leo was another victim of the snap?” Laura asked.

“We call it the decimation. But yes, we believe that’s what happened.”

“I prefer snap.” It feels less horrible. She doesn’t want to keep calling it the decimation.

“Regardless of what you call, we are trying to undo it by getting the stones back,” Steve explained

“Which means she gets Fitz back, and Clint gets his children back.” She doesn’t mention herself. Were her and Clint also on a break when the snap happened? Was he even in the country? For all she knows he could’ve been on the run and that’s why he obviously feels so guilty.

“Exactly.”

“I don’t know if you’re actually going to be able to find the six stones throughout time. Although maybe Robin made us not destroy the reality stone for a reason once we removed it from Vision last year.” Steve stared at her for a moment. “But at a minimum, I can go back to prevent Thanos from winning. However, to do that, I need you to swallow your pride or maybe your fear and call, text, or send a carrier pigeon to Tony and get him to come to help us. I need to save my children.” She was practically yelling at him at this point. Because even if Tony texted her back, he knew Steve would have to be the one to ask. Tony would do a lot of things for Steve.

“Text Stark.” Laura heard a voice say from the doorway.

“Melinda, really?” Steve asked his wife.

“I’ve been essentially functioning as an intermediary between the two of you for the last five years and I need you to work through your problems. We need him to have a chance. Simmons is not well, and Bruce doesn’t completely understand what he’s doing. Deke almost knew what he was doing, but he’s missing now. I don’t like saying this, but Morgan’s dad is our only hope right now.”

“One conversation isn’t going to solve anything.”

“But it’s a place to start,” Laura tells him.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Anthony love: So, theoretically, the messages that I sent you several hours ago should have managed to make it to your location.

Anthony love: Maybe. Ana was a little confused once she managed to get back online after digesting five years worth of data from the other Avengers. In addition to downloading time travel schematics or maybe it’s creating dimensional portals schematics. I’m still uncertain.

Anthony love: We’re not entirely sure how Friday from 2023 managed to send the data through with our visitor, but it’s probably going to be useful. At a minimum, it’s going to be less annoying than Deke, the future SI chief creative officer. Other Tony must still be drinking.

Anthony love: I haven’t had a chance to go over the files yet. My child is forcing me to get at least a few hours of sleep before I even began. Okay, she dragged me out of the lab.

Anthony love: But you know I can’t sleep when I don’t know where you are so maybe I should try to debrief you. I know Karen sent you the minutes from this evening’s all Avenger briefing, but I got a headache during the briefing, so I’m sure reading that dense report will cause the same in even a super-soldier.

Anthony love: I’m not even sure where to start with what’s going on. Maybe I should let you know that our daughter is fine after experiencing some weird overload thing due to alternate dimension interference.

Anthony love: Apparently, Friday 2023 didn’t realize that Friday 2018 is a reality stone enhanced LMD, and Ana is now her appropriate counterpart. This is apparently because Friday 2023 isn’t from our future but the original James Leopold's future. Or you know how it turned out after he was flung through the monolith.

Anthony love: Apologies for jumping around, but it’s going to happen. Maybe you will have to read the notes from the meeting. Sorry snuggle munchkin.

Anthony love: Also, Flash is now recuperating nicely in his room because he may have passed out when he found out Benji is Spider-Man. That’s going to be a fun conversation. Am I a sadist for making them share a room with one bed? Maybe. I gave them supplies. The ex is long gone, and I accidentally read a message Flash sent to Peter that involved the words massage and come.

Anthony love: Oh, that reminds me, I am also going to have to inform MJ that her cousin is MIA if we don’t get a message from her in the next 48 hours. We’re bringing her to the compound anyway.

Anthony love: I hope that goes better than telling Lily and Corey about their missing mom. When you see me, I’m going to be a little bruised. Clint should be here in an hour, and chances are I’ll end up with more bruises. He punched the wall on the quinjet during his holo-call into the all-hands meeting. So, this is probably not going to go well at all.

Anthony love: But if I found out you were taken to another timeline by my alternate timeline double, I would probably break a wall too. Mainly because the Fitzsimmons kid is awful at delivery.

Anthony love: Okay, maybe I should’ve started there.

Anthony love: So today or maybe yesterday at this point, on the day that happens to coincide with when Fitz bounced back to our timeline, two people from that timeline came to our timeline. One who, according to multiple DNA tests is the grandchild of the Fitzsimmons is stuck here. The other is Clint, who managed to take his sort of wife back to his timeline.

Anthony love: I probably should be trying to figure out a way to get her back, but the fact that you are MIA along with Daisy was distracting.

Anthony love: Oh, apparently, they were in our timeline to figure out if they can gather all the stones throughout history to undo the fact that Thanos won in their timeline. So apparently in at least one timeline, Robin was right, and we may all be fucked.

Anthony love: You know what just hurry home so I can explain all the stuff in person and maybe we can have stress release sex. That would be nice.

Anthony love: PS: Still sober, but we did send Hunter out to get more of the Ben & Jerry’s Capt. America pie and Agent America salted caramel swirl. I may have had 2 pints. This is better for my liver, but not necessarily for my waistline. Will you still love me if I’m not a size 2?

Anthony love: Please write back to me soon and let me know that you’re alive or at least still in this timeline. It’s been a weird day. Good news Clint didn’t hit me, but he did cry on me. I gave him some of my ice cream. He’s a mess.

Anthony love: Write back soon, cuddle bunny. I miss you. Still can’t sleep. I’m worried that the end is near.

Cuddle fiancé: You have never been a size 2 in your life, and I will always love you regardless.

Anthony love: I would say something about the fact that I haven’t heard from you in 14 hours, but I’m very happy that you finally wrote back. Are you okay? Where were you?

Cuddle fiancé: We’re fine. We have Coulson, although Hal is dead.

Anthony love: I’m not surprised. I’ll have Mace and Burroughs work on the cover-up press guidance. According to the Fitzsimmons grandchild, she was Hydra. A Hydra operative that wanted to prevent Thanos from destroying the world, but still Hydra.

Cuddle fiancé: I’m aware. After New York, Hydra recovered an alien communications device and contacted a consortium that referred to itself as the Confederacy.

Cuddle fiancé: Fitzsimmons grandchild?

Anthony love: Any group that refers to itself as the Confederacy is not a group that you want to go anywhere near.

Anthony love: I’ll explain that when you get here. Short answer alternate timeline refugee.

Cuddle fiancé: That’s nothing new.

Anthony love: Please explain how Hydra managed to get in league with a group called the Confederacy. That seems like a potential Hydra ally.

Cuddle fiancé: I’m not even entirely sure myself. Although they promised to protect the Earth from Thanos in exchange for the Gravitonium and all the Inhumans.

Anthony love: I feel like you said no to those demands.

Cuddle fiancé: Robbie did with his chain through the representative’s heart. Apparently, they just wanted to strip all of Earth’s resources before Thanos arrived to kill us all. He has quite the reputation of conquering planets and killing half the inhabitants.

Anthony love: This is what you expect from a group referred to as the Confederacy. Jokes on them since we know Thanos is planning to kill half of everybody, including them. He just needs the stones on our planet to do so.

Cuddle fiancé: We tried to tell them that, but they didn’t believe us.

Anthony love: Which is why there’s now a bunch of dead aliens?

Cuddle fiancé: Yes.

Anthony love: Do we need to worry about a second set of aliens invading?

Cuddle fiancé: No, they don’t like people that fight back, especially Wanda. She was with us because of the signing ceremony. Although the Confederacy did kill the General for her insolence.

Anthony love: Honestly, they did me a favor. After Coulson was kidnapped by my number two, I sent a Shield team to her loft led by Davis. They found her 16-year-old daughter locked in her room. The team is still looking through things, but it’s not good. Although with her dead, that investigation will take a backseat as we deal with time travel and impending alien invasion, but we’re still going to have to have the PR team spin things around.

Cuddle fiancé: Fuck. You never like that woman.

Anthony love: I think it’s because I instinctively pick up on child abusers. I’m dispatching Suarez and Cruz to deal with Ruby. I would send Laura, but she was kidnapped by Clint 2023. Also, from what Deke told me they probably could all use a therapist or 6.

Cuddle fiancé: I’m sorry.

Anthony love: I’m just happy we have Coulson back, mainly because he’s now my acting Deputy Director.

Cuddle fiancé: Will be home soon. Home. While we were trying to find Coulson, Joey and Vision signed the Mumbai agreement as the US and UN Avengers representatives. I’m now allowed back on American soil.

Anthony love: Just in time for the impending alien apocalypse. Perfect timing, snuggle bug.

Cuddle fiancé: I think we will be there in a few hours. I can’t believe I’m able to come back to the compound. Although I wish I was going to see our house in Queens for the first time, but this doesn’t seem like the time.

Anthony love: Make that the lighthouse, but at least you’ll get to decide if you want it to be our wedding venue. Although we’re going to have to choose a different day because April 28 is now off the table.

Cuddle fiancé: “?”

Anthony love: Because Laura was kidnapped from the compound, we are relocating to the lighthouse for the moment. The Princess is coming.

Cuddle fiancé: So, this really is all hands on deck?

Anthony love: In the timeline that the FitzSimmons grandkid came from, Thanos managed to wipe out half of all living life on April 28, 2018.

Cuddle fiancé: So new wedding date?

Anthony love: Two days after we beat the purple son of a bitch.

Cuddle fiancé: You’re on.

Anthony love: God, I love you.
To be continued

Chapter Text

Melinda: Have you called Stark yet? It’s been almost an entire day.

Steve: I’ve been busy trying to coax Simmons out of the framework. She says she’s in their consulting with an imprint of Fitz to see if he can help.

Melinda: That’s not what she’s doing. You know that. She stuck in her fantasy reality again. Probably with half a bottle of wine, at least.

Steve: I know.

Melinda: I am aware you’re afraid to talk to Tony, but we need him. I think you’re the only one who can convince him to help us.

Steve: I don’t want him to think that I only talk to him when I need something from him.

Melinda: We’ve been to too many Chucky cheese days with Morgan for him to believe that.

Steve: Fine. I’ll text because I always say the wrong thing when I call him.

Melinda: This is true. I hope that you’re eventually able to keep your foot out of your mouth long enough to give me a reason to sign the divorce papers someday.

Steve: Not many people would

believe that you're a romantic at heart.  Even if somehow Tony forgives me, he is with Pepper. He loves Pepper. I think it will take years for us just to get to the point of being friends. There’s too much baggage, and I don’t know how to work through it. I don’t even know where to start.

Melinda: They’ve been engaged longer than we’ve been married.

Steve: Not everybody gets married for the reasons we did.

Melinda: Lots of people get married because they need emotional support and have survived drama together. We’re together to hold each other to reality. You would be an even bigger prick without me.

Steve: Maybe. Do you still need me for that? Because if what we're doing works, we're still not going to be able to bring back Phil. He's gone.

Melinda: I know he is, but I’ll get to see my mom, Daisy, Mack, and even Bobbi again.  Besides that, I need you to take the second chance that I wasted. You rarely get a third opportunity. I should know.

Steve: I know. What if we can only be friends. What if maybe that’s all we should be?

Melinda: Then it would be better than what you have now. Friendship is never a consolation prize. You need to keep moving forward. Even if we can undo what happened, we still must live with the scars.

Steve: I know that, but it's easier said than done.

Melinda: Nothing happens if you don’t try. Isn’t that what you always tell our daughters? Maybe you should stop preaching to everyone else and take your own damn advice.

Steve: I hate it when you do this.

Melinda: You need me to do this. You know we need Stark. You need him.

Steve: But I wasn’t there when he needed me.

Melinda: I wasn’t there when Loki stabbed Phil through the heart, but I was there six years later when he died for the second time from his injuries. You can’t change the past. If it was possible, we wouldn’t have Deke.

Steve: I thought that was what we were trying to do.

Melinda: No, we’re trying to make new futures, but all the mistakes we made that led us here are still there, and they must be dealt with. Texting Tony is your first step.

Steve: You’re right. I’ll try.

Melinda:  I’ll go try to get Simmons out of the framework. I know we need to know what she did if Stark is going to undo it.

Steve: Maybe you could apologize for yelling at her.

Melinda: Maybe.

Steve: You’re the closest thing she has to a mom with both her parents and siblings also gone. You need each other.

Melinda: Go deal with Stark.

xxxxxxx

Steve: Hey, I thought I would just check in to see how Robin is doing. Thank you for letting her stay there for a few days. She always says that you make homework fun for her.

Morgan’s dad: It’s no problem at all. Morgan needs socialization. Although you don’t need to send a thank you text message. Your scary half has been doing that for the last week since you dropped your kid off here so you can go on your save the world mission.

Steve: She wanted to stay there, and Pepper said it was OK.

Morgan’s dad: Morgan loves having a playmate.

Steve: Robin loves being there. She says that they’re supposed to be sisters someday. I have no idea what that means.

Morgan’s dad: Robin is fine, by the way. She's mad that you left her with us. She also keeps drawing a picture of Scott coming out of the van as a baby. Is there something you need to tell me?

Steve: That was a few days ago. We’ve moved past that.

Morgan’s dad: So, you would tell me if something went wrong? I know you hate to ask people for help because you think you can do it all on your own, but sometimes it's necessary.

Steve: Yes, of course. Things are going slow because this really isn't Bruce's field, and Simmons is rarely sober, but they're working on it. I know you don't want to be here anyway.

Morgan’s dad: You know they say the first step is admitting you have a problem. Also, don’t put words in my mouth.

Steve: I need to go. May and Simmons are having a disagreement.

Morgan’s dad: Isn’t that usually the job of my Head of R&D. Who incidentally hasn’t checked-in in about two days?  Despite his save the world sabbatical, I still expect to see him playing on my server. Is there something you need to tell me?

Morgan’s dad: I kept working on the time travel thing, by the way, and I gave Deke access. So, don’t say I don’t want to help because I do, but I need you to meet me halfway. I need you to…

Morgan’s dad: I don’t know what I need. Remember when I said I needed you, but I didn't need you now. That was a lie. Why do you always have to be such a self-righteous dick? [Message not sent]

To be continued

Chapter Text

Tony Potts: Steve texted me and yet neglected to mention his alternate timeline houseguest before making up some weird excuse to end the conversation.

Counselor Laura: That does not surprise me at all. I think I hear him and May yelling in the hallway right now. I also hear Simmons crying. I am also 99% sure she’s drunk right now. I would know.

Tony Potts: Okay, maybe it wasn't entirely an excuse. I know from Deke and my nanny that the Simmons situation is unstable I.e. Deke tried to get her in rehab three times in the last year alone. It must be worse with him being gone.

Tony Potts: But Steve could've started with "Hey, Tony, we need you to come to the compound because we fucked up."

Tony Potts: Like I would love it if for once, Steve would say, “Sorry, I screwed up, and I need you. Please come help me." Why is that so hard for him to say?

Counselor Laura: Is it safe to assume that Mr. May-Rogers never worked with a therapist to deal with any of his issues? Has anybody here seen a therapist?

Tony Potts: I don’t know. Stevie bear works as a counselor at a community center somewhere in Brooklyn. Although I doubt that he’s gotten help himself. He’s too busy trying to save everyone else to save himself.

Counselor Laura: I understand that. Too well. I'm also starting to wonder who in the universe I pissed off to have to deal with "Tony and Steve can't deal with their feelings" part two because you know it's not just him. You also have a saving people problem.

Tony Potts: I think this is at least part three. Part two would've been after the purple one beat the fuck out of us. We didn’t truly talk again after that until I got an invitation to his wedding.

Tony Potts: Actually, if he spoke to me before then, there may not have been a wedding. I could have helped May get custody of her kids with the legal team. But no, he just had to do it himself. Is it really that hard to ask for help? Or is it only hard for him to ask for my help?

Counselor Laura: That must’ve been brutal. Also, it's always hard for people to ask for help. I relapsed three times before I agreed to go to rehab. It's even harder to ask again when you've been rejected before.

Tony Potts: You do have a point. You’re right, I did not react well to Steve getting married even knowing that it was a semi platonic thing to get children. Like I had to schedule my own trip to rehab the day after the ceremony. Pepper left.

Counselor Laura: But she came back? You have a house in the woods in upstate New York together?

Tony Potts: She realized she was three months pregnant with Morgan. I needed three DNA tests before I believed her, which might be why we are still just publicly engaged after all these years.

Tony Potts: Pepper mostly stays in the house in Manhattan, and I prefer to be with Morgan by the lake. It makes sense because Pepper is the CEO of SI. Of course, we mostly do survival stuff now because of Deke. We took over his think tank and made him our chief creative officer about 3 1/2 years ago.

Counselor Laura: Someday, we're going to have to have a conversation about that, but I'm more curious about Morgan's existence.

Tony Potts: Because I'm assuming Dr. Stark-Rogers is very sterile?

Counselor Laura: Yes. Friday and the Princess created an LMD child for him since the state of New York did not want to let him adopt or even be a foster parent at the time. Wanda, who is married to Vision, gave her a bit of a stone boost. So, she’s as close to human as possible and still be synthetic.

Tony Potts: Considering what Thanos is about to do, that's probably the safest thing.

Counselor Laura: Possibly. Although they have no trouble with you fostering now, even with Steve moving back soon. See picture attached.

Counselor Laura: Although Miles is the son of two of your employees who are doing a special rebuilding project in Puerto Rico and Dr. Stark-Rogers is taking care of him in the interim.

Tony Potts: Good to know. Although how did I end up the foster parent of Peter’s biggest high school antagonist?

Counselor Laura: I can’t tell you most of it because it’s classified, but Flash and Peter are sort of friends now.

Tony Potts: OK, I don’t think I want to know.

Tony Potts: So, when the purple asshole took out half of life in the universe down to the amoeba level, he decided to make it so I could have children. The result was Morgan

Counselor Laura: Granted, I've been told Thanos' motives through my Robin's visions, but I thought he wanted to destroy half of life so the other half could thrive. Genocidal population control if you will. Isn’t eliminating fertility issues counter to that?

Tony Potts: I think it's just me. There have been no widespread reports of previously unfertile people being able to have children.

Counselor Laura: When Steve and May came to your house last week to asked you to help with their Time travel project, why did you say no? Was it because of Morgan? Because you don’t want to leave her behind if things go badly.

Tony Potts: Because I don't want her to poof out of existence if we undo everything.

Tony Potts: Fuck! That’s his plan to make sure I wouldn’t help. Evil, manipulative asshole.

Counselor Laura: I don’t think anybody would want that. I mean, it wouldn't just be Morgan. It would be any baby born in the last five years. That would be repeating what Thanos did. That wouldn’t be right.

Counselor Laura: It would just be better to bring those that were snapped out of existence back, even if it would be five years in the future.

Counselor Laura: Tony?

Counselor Laura: Are you still there?

Counselor Laura: Tony?

To be continued

Chapter Text

DILF: That wasn’t an excuse not to talk to you. Melinda was trying to figure out how things went wrong, and Simmons was not cooperative at all and it escalated. Deke is not here.

DILF: By not here, I mean stuck in an alternate timeline 2018. It turns out Simmons's fiancé didn't die five years ago in the explosion, but was sent back in time and created another timeline. Obviously, our attempts at undoing everything is not going as planned.

Tony: Although I’m upset that Pepper’s chief creative officer is MIA, I’m glad it’s not you. Maybe I shouldn’t have let him look at my time travel theory work.

Tony: I would really hate for Robin’s prediction of becoming Morgan’s sister to come true because you and Mrs. May-Rogers got lost in the stream of time. The kids have already lost enough parents, and Morgan is only as good as she is because of Pepper. I’m an absolute mess.

DILF: You’re not. You’re a good dad. You retired just so you could be a stay-at-home parent.

Tony: I still have a nanny part-time because I can get caught in the creative zone.

DILF: You still do some SI work. It's understandable. Also, your nanny doubles as a bodyguard.

Tony: I don’t want to lose what I have now if you and Ms. May-Rogers somehow magically turn back the clock five years. Morgan is my everything.

DILF: We’re not planning to do that. At the minimum, Robin would kick me in the shin.

Tony: Robin does love her future little sister.

DILF: Morgan wasn't the only child born in the last five years. We would be wiping all of those people out. We would be no better than Thanos if we did that. We just want to bring everybody back. Don't you want Peter back?

Tony: Yes.

Tony: Except that is not happening yet because apparently, Deke is missing. So would you like to explain why your daughter drew a picture of Clint wearing a nanotech suit that I know Deke borrowed the design from my servers and Clint‘s wife that's been snapped for the last five years?

DILF: Have you considered not letting Deke have access to your servers?

Tony: Would you believe I did so because your child that draws the future told me too?

DILF: Tony Stark never does what is expected of him. Why start now?

Tony: It’s Tony Potts-Stark.

DILF: Despite the fact, the wedding has been on hold for five years.

Tony: We wanted Morgan to have the same last name as us. It's more important that we’re committed to Morgan then if we have paperwork filed with the state. Besides, I don't think Pepper wants to have a big wedding without her mom, and Happy would hate to miss it. He's like our biggest shipper. Although now I'm starting to wonder why he shipped us so much.

DILF: You know if you were with us, we might be able to fix things so they could be at the wedding, but that's not happening right now.

Tony: Mostly because whatever you’re doing is failing miserably without me. Deke is missing, and apparently, you have Laura from the good timeline crashing at the compound.

DILF: And apparently any success we had at all was because you were feeding Deke information.

Tony: He is my chief creative officer. Although maybe I should've been less cryptic since he's now missing. Pepper is not happy. The board is going to be pissed if he stays missing.

DILF: I've wanted to ask you why you made him chief creative officer for years. How did that happen?

Tony: Yet you have not asked before now despite how many times we've hung out together at Chucky Cheese.

DILF: Maybe because I don’t know how to talk to you. It’s just easier to go through a whole basket of mozzarella sticks and churros.

Tony: The churros are halfway decent now.

Tony: You're doing well now, but that's probably because I think you’re trying to avoid me. Or are you afraid of asking for help because you know that you need me. I feel like other Laura would like to get back to her kids.

DILF: I already asked you for help, and you said no. I don’t want you to think I only come to you when I need your help because I don’t want you to think that. I don’t want you to think I’m losing you.

DILF: I mean using you. I never want you to think that.

Tony: Except I open my house to your kids. Even Kamala is going to spend this weekend with Pepper instead of coming here. Also, I have been spending many a sleepless night this week trying to perfect time travel even if I’ve just been passing the information to Deke.

DILF: Is this like before when you tried to keep Ross away from us? I only know of everything you did to keep Ross away because May told me.

Tony: Yes. However, Morgan must be my priority.

DILF: You don’t think Robin and Kamala are my priority? I don’t want Robin to keep living in this broken world. Her drawings of us restoring everybody has been the first happy thing she has drawn since May and I received full custody of her.

DILF: When Scott showed up last week, I thought maybe just maybe we could give her and her big sister a better future. Do you have any idea how many times I have held Kamala as she cried about missing her parents and her brother? They deserve better and so does Morgan.

Tony: Then tell me the truth.

DILF: We fucked up. Natasha and Simmons managed to convince Clint to come to help us.

Tony: Which wouldn’t be that hard because I’m sure he wants his kids back.

DILF: Yes, he agreed to be the test subject. As you so eloquently pointed out, Deke and Simmons stole your work. The original plan was for Clint to go back to his farmhouse before the decimation and retrieve an object, but at the last minute, Deke went with him too.

Tony: If Robin’s drawings are to be believed, the object he retrieved was his wife?

DILF: I know, you know. Friday probably told you.

Tony: She just confirmed the prophetic drawings of your child. Is this a good or bad thing?

DILF: Simmons didn’t believe that we could get the stones; at least not without help. So, she used a piece of the monolith and the Pym particles to send Deke to retrieve her Fitz. At least we think that’s what she did. She’s not confirming anything

Tony: And somehow you ended up with a Laura from a world where you and I are married?

DILF: Technically, the wedding doesn't happen until April 28.

Tony: Of course, they would pick that as the wedding day.

DILF: Wait, how do you know that?

Tony: I have my sources.

DILF: Laura?

Tony: Along with Friday. So, you finally broke down and messaged me because you need me?

DILF: I always need you.

Tony: Well, thankfully for you, it's your lucky day. Look out the window.

DILF: You're here? Also, is that the shield in that bag you're carrying?

Tony: I may have been texting you from the front of the compound for the last 15 minutes. Of course, I brought your shield because otherwise, Robin and Morgan will try to use it to slide down the hill the moment we get snow. I don’t trust Nanny Hunter to say no.

DILF: I can see that happening even if your nanny is a former Shield agent.

Tony: Hunter is my nanny. It would probably be his idea.

DILF: We can’t let that happen. I’m coming to meet you.

Tony: I am surprised Avenger Friday hasn’t alerted you to my presence yet.

Avenger Friday: Ms. Robin told me not to. She said you needed to talk things out first.

Tony: Why does my AI like your kids better than me?

“I have no idea.” Tony looks up to see Steve reply verbally as he grabs the bag from Tony and pulls him into a half hug. “Come on in. I’m glad you’re here.”

To be continued

Chapter Text

Girl Friday: Hey, Dad, where are you? Did you sneak back down to your office here or the lab? You need to sleep. I know we’re now in active apocalypse mode, but sleep is essential. You make bad decisions when you are sleep deprived.

Girl Friday: Okay, I’ve checked your lab, and you’re not there, which is good. You’re also not anywhere else. Not good. I guess it’s time to ask my little sister for help.

Xxxxx

Girl Friday: Hey baby sister, where is our dad?

Ana Jr.: Your father is currently not at the Lighthouse. He left 45 minutes ago.

Girl Friday: Which means he got no sleep.

Ana Jr.: Technically, he was able to sleep for one hour and 21 minutes. He was agitated when Agent America woke him up. Apparently, he was having one of the good dreams.

Girl Friday: Agent America dragging you out of bed to parts unknown is never a good sign. I would ask if they went on a mission, but right now, everything’s a mission. I hate active apocalypse mode.

Ana Jr.: He is on a mission, and I am not allowed to tell you where your father is currently en route to.

Girl Friday: You’re no fun, little sister.

Ana Jr.: I was able to make you a copy of all the records I downloaded from the other timeline. Since they were initially sent to you, it seems only prudent that you can access the information in a form you can process.

Girl Friday: You are the best baby sister. I assume you’re making a portal for the new consultant to have access too. Can we bring BITC in yet, or am I going to have to wait until school?

Ana Jr.: A Stark pad has been prepared for her when she arrives. I have made one for both you and Spidey. Your father was adamant that the data stay off the network. Therefore, you will have to hand-deliver one to BITC. If you remember correctly, he is with his mom this weekend.

Girl Friday: Considering what we talked about last night, that’s probably wise. So, if he’s with his mom, I can’t even send a text message because she hates me. Loves my cousin but hates me, and she’s the one who caused him to pass out in the first place. It wasn’t my fault he couldn’t reconcile his email friend with my Royal cousin.

Ana Jr.: I believe she was more upset about you inviting him to a wedding that was attacked by terrorists.

Girl Friday: Nobody expected Alastair to crash the wedding after he was paid off to keep quiet. That was not my fault. Can you make another one for Flash? Also, make sure that the documents are compatible with his screen reading software.

Ana Jr.: Of course. You can pick them up on floor 27 in five minutes.

Girl Friday: Thank you, little sister.

XXXX

Girl Friday: okay, Ana has confirmed that you’re not on base anymore due to May dragging you out of bed with just a little more than an hour of sleep. Apparently, you’re on a mission, which means she can’t tell me where you are. [Six pouting face emojis]

Girl Friday: I don’t think that’s fair. [Six more pouting face emojis] I’m an Avenger. I should know these things. I’m going to check on Peter. I now must deliver a Stark pad to him and the not-a-boyfriend.

Girl Friday: Since you’re busy on another mission, we are going to start research and figure out what not to do. I want to thank my other self for sending us all the records, except for the part where I lost consciousness. I really am getting the full-blown human experience. Some of it feels overrated.

Girl Friday: Although silver lining, Flash finally knows. You have no idea how nice it is not to be keeping that secret anymore.

Girl Friday: Hey dad, were you the one that put them in a room with one bed? Because neither one of them took the couch.

Girl Friday: Image one attached.

Girl Friday: Pants were still on, but their shirts were off. Allegedly, it’s too hot. That room was 65°. I am rolling my eyes so hard right now. As well as sending the picture to both the princess and MJ. MJ never turns down shirtless Benji.

Girl Friday: I may have accidentally sent it to May PR. Oops! I better switch to the other channel.

Girl Friday: Okay, Flash just made an inappropriate joke about you going to greet Steve on the helicopter pad involving handcuffs and blow jobs.

Girl Friday: Wait, is your mission just an excuse to hook up with Cap Dad in the nearest broom closet? With Agent Agent getting kidnapped, I can see why Agent America might want to get to her boyfriend sooner rather than later.

Iron Dad: First, you’re a Junior Avenger, or maybe we should go with Young Avenger. I’ll have Jeffrey do a focus group. Regardless, you must be out of college before you get to be a full-fledged Avenger, and that goes for both you and Benji.

Girl Friday: That’s so unfair.

Iron Dad: Even then, I tell you more than most people outside your father and the inner circle. For example, I’m not preventing Ana from giving you Stark pads full of the alternate history of the darkest timeline.

Iron Dad: Second, I would never go on a mission for the sole purpose of making out with my fiancé in a broom closet.

Iron Dad: Finally, it is Acting Deputy Dir. Agent Agent right now.

Girl Friday: You went to a UN environmental conference just to have a chance to hook up with dad. Don’t say otherwise because I was the one who booked the hotel rooms.

Iron Dad: This didn’t happen since I was on doctor’s orders not to have sex. When not under such orders, we would at least find a decent conference room. Which might be the plan now. Of course, I get to reunite with my fiancé in the middle of a crisis.

Girl Friday: BTW, so lovely of you to finally text me back almost an hour after the first message. Where are you? Ana won’t tell me.

Iron Dad: Sorry, I was on a video call with Jeffrey and the minion, which is why I couldn’t reply to your litany of text messages. I need to get Jane to leave SI and come work for the ATCU.

Girl Friday: I think she prefers Leo as her boss. Despite the fact she had to cover up that he met with Asgardians yesterday and is secretly in charge of the UN Avengers.

Iron Dad: Sorry, I worried you. I thought Ana would’ve interrupted and told you I am currently en route to the Playground because I have a 10 AM with the president.

Girl Friday: If I remember correctly when I was just an AI, I had standing orders not to tell anybody when you were meeting with the president. Not even Pepper. I feel like little sister might have this code as well.

Iron Dad: Probably. I will have to add an exempt list.

Girl Friday: Why do you have a 10 AM with the president?

Iron Dad: Officially to celebrate the finalization of the Mumbai agreement and to do damage control regarding the untimely traffic accident death of my number two. Unofficially to tell the president that he almost put Hydra in charge of Shield, again. I owe Mack a hundred dollars because she turned out to be Hydra. I personally thought she was a Watchdog sympathizer.

Iron dad: I also get to tell the president that she was conspiring with a consortium of aliens that referred to themselves as the confederacy.

Iron Dad: I feel like this is something you can’t tell the president in an email. I’m not even sure how to begin talking about it in person. At least not without ending up in a mental hospital again.

Girl Friday: I’m inclined to agree. Now I understand why you had a long conference call with Jeffrey.

Iron Dad: The minion was involved as well, which is never a good sign, and they don’t even know about Thanos.

Girl Friday: That makes sense. Jeffrey wasn’t there for the briefing last night.

Iron Dad: Because I wanted him to focus on navigating the Gen. situation, which apparently means a press conference with the president.

Girl Friday: Understandable. Will Cap Dad be with you?

Iron Dad: I don’t know. You know I am the one in charge, so I’m going to go ask your almost step-dad to come to DC.

Girl Friday: You should probably do that. I feel like you need backup.

Iron Dad: I’ll call you after my play date with the president.

Girl Friday: You better. Just stay safe. I’m worried about you.

Iron Dad: I know you’re scared about what happened in the other timeline, but that’s not us. We’ve been preparing for well over a year, and we won’t lose.

Girl Friday: But at what cost? [message not sent]

To be continued

Chapter Text

Anthony love: Hey, sweetie pie! Are you still en route to the Lighthouse, or are you heading to the Playground?

Cuddle fiancé: Lighthouse, like you told me to earlier. Why?

Anthony love: Unfortunately, I won’t be there. I’m currently on my way to the Playground because I have no control over my schedule.

Cuddle fiancé: Why?

Anthony love: I have a 10 AM with the president where I’m going to have to explain everything that’s happened in the last 24 hours. I’m already two Tylenol in for the day.

Cuddle fiancé:  Everything?

Anthony love: I’m still trying to figure out how to explain the time-traveling grandchild of Fitzsimmons. He isn’t even from the dimension or timeline that he came from. Apparently, he is from another bad timeline because our life is weird.

Cuddle fiancé: ????

Anthony love: So apparently there’s an even worse future out there. Cracked earth, inhuman slave trade, and humans on the brink of extinction, thanks to the Kree. Did you meet any Kree yesterday?

Cuddle fiancé: Not in person.

Anthony love: Your adventures with the Confederacy are also going to be on the list. I’m not exactly sure how to start that conversation with the president.

Cuddle fiancé: The truth

Anthony love: Mr. President, yesterday, my boyfriend and the other Avengers team that you’re not supposed to know about saved us from aliens. These aliens were trying to invade earth to extract all our resources before the other alien coming to kill us all gets here. He doesn’t want to kill us all just half of us by turning them to dust—literally, dust.

Anthony love: I feel like that’s going to get me dragged to the nearest psychiatric hospital, and I don’t have time for mental health rehab right now.

Cuddle fiancé: Maybe not phrase it like that.

Anthony love: Yeah, I’m not sure there’s a way to phrase what’s happening without possibly getting a trip to mental health rehab. That’s not even going into whatever the fuck happened in Norway. That woman broke Thor’s hammer! We can’t even lift Thor’s hammer. I hope I can keep MJ from seeing that. I hope I can prevent May from seeing that.

Cuddle fiancé: I understand how this can be difficult. I fought against actual aliens yesterday, and I’m not even sure I believe half of what was in the readout of yesterday’s meeting. You didn’t mention the thing about the hammer.

Anthony love: Because May was already freaking out with her boyfriend missing in a very May way. Joey, Bobbi, the sister-in-law, and Vision will be heading over there to investigate after playing for the cameras in Mumbai. Actually, Bobbi is on her way now because she can’t be on camera due to Russian government issues. 

Cuddle fiancé: That makes sense.

Anthony love: Baby, nothing makes sense right now. Honestly, I don’t believe half the stuff Deke told me. I tuned out half of what he told me and then told him to write it in a report. Ana, has he done that yet?

Ana Jr: Not yet. I will ask him to do so once he returns from breakfast and his tour of the facilities with Simmons this morning.

Anthony love: You’re the best Princess. Seriously, try to find out how he ended up the head of SI research and development. If it really happened.

Cuddle fiancé: You don’t think it did?

Anthony love: Not really. Seriously why would my other self make him the new head of R&D or whatever after having a kid?

Anthony love: An actual biological child made the old-fashioned way with Pepper. Also, you know I love Pepper Pot, but we probably shouldn’t raise a kid together. He had to be making that up. Everybody knows I can’t have kids at all.

Anthony love: Well, not without the help of the daughter-in-law and a lot of vibranium.

Cuddle fiancé: Maybe there’s some new miracle drug in that timeline?

Anthony love: If there was a miracle drug, I would’ve found it already.

Cuddle fiancé: Have you talked to the Princess about your infertility issues?

Anthony love: No, because there are some conversations you don’t have with your daughter’s best friend and “cousin.”

Cuddle fiancé: Apparently, Afia is still Friday in the other timeline, so maybe the other you don’t have those constraints.

Anthony love: You have a point. Also, DNA tests don’t lie. Deke is the grandchild of Fitzsimmons, even though he’s about half a decade older than the couple. So, unless that timeline has perfected the ability to age someone up 30 years in 5, I am inclined to at least believe the time travel aspect. As well as us getting our asses handed to us and half the world getting dusted.

Cuddle fiancé: But not other Tony having a kid with Pepper thing? 

Anthony love: Or that you and I are barely on speaking terms and only talk about our kids. BTW, your other self allegedly married May and adopted Ms. Marvel, after her whole family got dusted by Thanos.

Cuddle fiancé: Is Coulson dead in that timeline?

Anthony love: Yes. How did you get that from what I just said?

Cuddle fiancé: Because that’s the only way May would be married to someone else now. How did he die?

Anthony love: I’m not entirely sure. I’m planning to read through all the files from 2023 sent to us from Friday. I feel like it would be a more reliable source than anything that Deke would put together.

Cuddle fiancé: When you’re not briefing the president.

Anthony love: When we are not briefing the president. How do you feel about redirecting to the Playground? I feel like I can use some backup, and we kinda need a distraction.  Unfortunately, Mack and Yo-Yo are helping Sharon with a little something in San Francisco, so that leaves you.

Cuddle fiancé: Why do you need a distraction?

Anthony love: Some of the dirt about my now dead number two made it on to the Internet. They believe she died in a car crash yesterday, but some of the stuff about how she treated Ruby is now trending on Twitter. That’s bad on its own. I’m regretting NYC child services getting involved because they still don’t like me very well.

Cuddle fiancé: Point

Cuddle fiancé: Natasha just told me we’re going to the Playground now. May radioed her and changed our route.

Anthony love: Of course, she did.

Cuddle fiancé: She also told Nat that you would give her an update on Daisy when we got there. Nat is worried because she hasn’t heard from Daisy since she left for operation Quake Loki.

Anthony love: You didn’t tell her?

Cuddle fiancé: That her girlfriend may be in Asgard after battling someone that can apparently break Thor’s hammer? No. Did I tell Natasha that Daisy disappeared from Norway with Thor and Loki and hasn’t been heard since then? No. You want me to take less risk.

Cuddle fiancé: First, when would I have time? Second, I felt like it’s more your place to explain. Also, I don’t know all the details because you were rambling and going off on tangents during the meeting yesterday. Your email was worse. I just now found out about the hammer thing. On its own, it is concerning.

Anthony love: I have not been rambling. I think I may have mentioned it, or maybe I didn’t. I was going through coffee withdrawal at the time. I was also more worried about Laura because Daisy has superpowers, and the big scary lady was no longer on the planet. Can we just have one apocalypse at a time? Is that too much to ask for?

Cuddle fiancé: I’m quite sure you admitted yourself that you were rambling. Yes.

Anthony love: You’re not getting a blow job for a month.

Cuddle fiancé: You know, if we hadn’t been doing this long-distance relationship for a year and ½ your threat would be threatening. We haven’t even been in the same country since Valentine’s Day. I love it when we get to be physically intimate, but I can go without it for a long time.

Anthony love: Just for that, I’m not pulling you into the first empty conference room that we see. No welcome home handjob for you.

Cuddle fiancé: I don’t think the Secret Service will allow that anyway.

Anthony love: I was planning to do it at the Playground where I’m the boss, but I’m not anymore because you’re a brat.

Cuddle fiancé: You go on telling yourself that. Nat says we will be at the Playground in 40 minutes. 

Anthony love: We get there in 5, which will give me time to prepare for Natasha giving me a matching black eye. I wonder if Fitz finished the dermal regenerator. Lily bear has excellent aim for an adolescent.

Cuddle fiancé: I could have told you that after she kicked me in the shin. If I wasn’t a super-soldier, she would’ve broken something.

Anthony love: You deserved it for breaking her daddy’s nose. I hope you sent him an apology basket for that.

Cuddle fiancé: I got him a case of beer.

Anthony love: Jeffrey is furious about the bruising. I think he would be even angrier if they need to deal with a second black eye. You can’t tell the red spider about Daisy now?

Cuddle fiancé: When she’s flying? Absolutely not.

Anthony love: Flaming head can’t take over?

Cuddle fiancé: No. We’ll see you soon.

Anthony love: You better protect me from your best friend.

Cuddle fiancé: I will always protect you.

To be continued.

Chapter Text

Tosha: Stark is here. We are having an all-hands meeting in the lounge in 15 minutes. He brought Steve’s shield and Hunter’s cookies. Hunter does the best chocolate chip cookies. Steve always brings some around after playdates.

Tosha: Steve says it’s better than me living off peanut butter and jelly.

Tosha: Where are you? Seriously you’re missing chocolate chip cookies. Some of them have mini Reesie cups in them too.

Tosha: Although no alcohol because we have two recovering alcoholics and Simmons. And if we're going to figure out what the hell happened, we need her somewhat sober. Apparently, that’s a rare thing, according to Steve.

Tosha: I know you don’t consider yourself an Avenger anymore due to certain things that we are not going to talk about in writing. However, you were the one who traveled back to 2018 in the other timeline. You were with Simmons when she was putting everything together with Deke. Did she discuss her change of plan with you?

Tosha: We can’t ask Deke these questions because he’s not here, and Simmons is not answering. Also, I’m 99% sure her bottle of water is tequila.

Tosha: Actually, it was vodka and not the good stuff. Probably because she drank that first. I feel like a horrible Russian.

Tosha: Friday says you’re still in the building. Possibly in the air ducks. You can’t keep ignoring everybody. I know you been doing it for the last five years, but I’m not letting you do it anymore.

Tosha: I know you feel guilty because you’re here, and they are not. It always hurts when you’re the one left behind.

Tosha: You’re still my family. Family loves you, unconditionally. You taught me that.

Tosha: Look, you don’t even have to say anything if you don’t want to talk about what Simmons did or didn't do. I just don't want to sit alone and watch Stark and Rogers make passive-aggressive googly eyes at each other. As Simmons acts like she's not drinking hard liquor at two in the afternoon. We all know. It’s even worse now that Deke is MIA.

Tosha: And no, Laura doesn’t have her own water bottle full of alcohol. Unlike the Laura of this timeline, she didn’t relapse while we were on the run.

Francis: There isn’t a Laura in this timeline anymore.

Tosha: Now, you speak. My thumbs were starting to get sore. You can’t dictate during the middle of a meeting.

Francis: I didn’t have anything to say before. I’ve had Hunter’s cookies before. They’re not that great.

Tosha: Not these cookies. He brought the Heath bar version too. You can’t avoid Laura forever, you're the one who brought her here.

Francis: I was trying to bring my wife back, and that’s not her. So, I’ll let Stark figure out how to get her back home, and I will just stay out of the way until you find a way to get the stones.

Tosha: No, she’s Laura. She is just a Laura that made different choices. Or from what I gather, Stark made different choices, and she helped. Apparently, they are each other’s AA sponsors.

Tasha: They both are going to a meeting after this. Because we’re all too much to handle for the recovering alcoholics without the desire to drink cropping up.

Francis: That’s good.

Francis: That she is sober.

Tosha: Oh great, they’re arguing. Like we need this right now. I think I need to take Simmons’ “water bottle.”

Francis: Not surprising at all. Watching Stark and Rogers argue, is not my idea of a good time.

Tosha: No, those two are being awkward and avoiding eye contact. Probably because they both know another Steve and Tony are engaged in Agent Barton’s timeline.

Tosha: When they’re not making excuses to touch each other. They’re trying to avoid each other, yet they are sitting next to each other, and Steve’s hand just happens to be on Tony’s leg now. Kamala is less awkward around Bruno.

Francis: I’m not even surprised by the impending marriage. I guess this really is the darkest timeline. Who’s fighting?

Tosha: I think it’s still better than the one where the Earth cracked apart, and the Kree enslave what was left of humanity.

Francis: ????

Tosha: So, you never actually talked to Deke when you were conspiring? Also, it’s May and Simmons that were arguing about said conspiracy. Also, May tried to take the bottle of not actually water from Simmons. Apparently, it was never about getting the stones only about getting Fitz to her. I assume that she convinced you to go along with it because she promised you Laura.

Tosha: I knew I shouldn’t have taken Simmons with me to get you from Japan. What did she say to you?

Francis: I wouldn’t call it conspiring. More like an understanding.

Tosha: Because widows understand each other. Not that she was married to Fitz, they just created a marriage license to keep Alister the asshole from cashing in on all the James Leopold patents. They were engaged before he died anyway.

Francis: I don’t like thinking of it that way. One minute I was sitting down to have lunch with my wife and kids, and the next, they were gone.

Tosha: During the middle of an apocalypse.

Tosha: Also, Fitz was killed about a month before the decimation, sort of. It’s complicated. Although I don’t think she knows how complicated yet and I’m not going to be the one to tell her.

Francis: I wasn’t there for the apocalypse because I ignored Fury’s calls and May’s calls. I think I hung up on Coulson twice.

Tosha: Good call.

Tosha: In your defense, you thought he was dead. It’s understandable.

Francis: Because no one told me otherwise until he was dead, again. Therefore, in a fight between May and Simmons, I’m going to be team Simmons all the way.

Tosha: Obviously, someone is still bitter. Simmons is starting to talk. According to Simmons, you were in on her plan to bring your wife and Leo back to this timeline.

Tosha: Apparently, she purposely chose the day that he disappeared as the day you would be traveling back to. She may have told you and Deke that you were going back to the same place, but you weren’t. She was sending you to Laura and him to Fitz. She is now crying on Bruce.

Francis: That must be awkward for you.

Tosha: That was nearly 8 years ago. I’m over it.

Francis: Really?

Tosha: Never date a coworker. He’d rather run away then be with me, and that was his choice. I’ve moved on long ago. You would know that if you picked up the phone occasionally.

Francis: I’m not planning to get back into the dating scene any time soon, and I already learned that lesson with Phil. I’m sorry I didn’t call or text.

Francis: I should have. You stayed in contact when you went dark, and I should have done the same.

Tosha: I know these last five years have been hard for you. It’s pretty apparent that you’re not over what happened when you join a mad scientist conspiracy to travel through space and time to get your wife back.

Francis: I thought it was going to be one of the kids or all the kids. If I brought them forward to this point in time, Thanos couldn’t snap them out of existence. Then I wouldn’t have to lose them, but the kids weren’t there. We weren’t even at the farmhouse.

Tosha: I’m so sorry.

Francis: Don’t. Not right now. Maybe I avoid you to because I couldn’t take the pity.

Tosha: There’s a difference between pity and empathy.

Francis: Maybe I don’t deserve either.

Tosha: I think I thought the same thing once upon a time. You taught me better.

Tosha: BTW, according to Bruce’s notes, you grabbed Agent Barton from the Avenger compound.

Francis: Are we sure it was the compound? It didn’t look like any room I recognize there. Also, Laura has never been there. Ever.

Francis: Right, not my Laura. Apparently, this one lives at the Avenger compound.

Tosha: Not necessarily, not your Laura, but again one that took a slightly different pathway that led her to be a teenage superhero guidance counselor.

Francis: Which seems like something Laura would be good at.

xxx
“Laura has always been good with kids and wayward superheroes. It’s good she found a job combining the skills even if it’s in another timeline.” Clint looked down to see Natasha standing in front of him or rather the vent that he was hiding in.

“How did you find me?” Clint asked.

“Friday really likes Laura. However, it was decided I would come to get you since we were already talking. I brought you some cookies, but you have to come out to eat them." Natasha held up the plate of cookies for him.

“I’m not five. Also, I thought Friday was banned from talking to Agent Barton.” Clint decided to refer to this Laura as Agent Barton only. Despite Natasha's argument, she was not his Laura.

“She’s bonded with Stark, and he overruled my orders.” That surprised Clint. Laura and Stark never actually talked to each other again after the Ultron incident. Then again, Natasha said earlier that Agent Barton was the AA sponsor of the Stark from her timeline. Time travel is strange.

“I bet that’s annoying,” was the only thing he said out loud.

“So annoying. I get why you don’t want to be with the others. It can be overwhelming.” Sitting in a room with a woman who looks exactly like his dead wife but who isn’t her is more than just being overwhelming, but he’s not sure how to explain that to Natasha. He doesn’t even know where to begin. So, he just glares at her.

“You don’t have to tell the others, but you can tell me.
Do you know how Simmons changed the plan?”

“No.” He answered honestly because he wasn’t paying attention to the details.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“I've always been the dumb muscle.” He replied.

“You've never been just the dumb muscle. Now can you please get out of the air vent, or I will have Friday use the gas on you.” Natasha threatened him.

“You’re so mean.” He said, making his way out of the vent because he knew she would follow through. Natasha does not make idle threats. “I just want to be alone. It’s been a hard couple of days.”

“I know," Natasha said, handing him a cookie.

“Cookies can’t make things magically better.”

“I know.”

“I thought I had my wife back. I should have known better. There’s no hope in this world.” That’s when Natasha wrapped an arm around him.

“There's still hope.” She whispered as she gently kissed his cheek. “We may even have more hope now than before.”

“What do you mean by that?” Clint asked,” slightly confused.

“Since I haven’t been hiding from Laura, I know that because the Avengers weren't at each other's throats or hiding from the government, they had time to get Vision’s stone out of his head.” Clint’s eyes opened wide in surprise at her words. Maybe just maybe there really was a chance to fix things.

“Where is it?” Because if they knew where it is, they could grab it and use it.

“Somewhere safe, but Agent Barton doesn’t know the exact details.”

“Or if she knows she won’t tell us,” Clint added.

“Which makes her a good agent,” Natasha told him.

“I wonder if you are her SO?” Clint wondered out loud.

“There's only one way to find out, actually talk to your not-a-wife.”

“I’m not ready for that yet.” Not at all.

“Have another cookie,” Natasha said as she held him closer.

To be continued

Chapter Text

Group message to the Spider Venom Conspiracy group.

Purple Princess: Image one upload.

Purple Princess: image two uploaded

Purple Princess: image three uploaded

Purple Princess: Good morning, fellow members of the Spider Venom Conspiracy group. It looks like Benji had an incredibly good morning. It seems like phase 1 of operation "get their heads out of their asses" is working.

Purple Princess: Yes, they shared a bed last night. Also, notice the absence of shirts. I'm almost sure my dad's responsible for these accommodations, but he's not saying anything. I'm using the Avenger channels because of the location where said picture was taken.

Purple Princess: Okay, I switched to Avenger channels after I accidentally sent the first picture to May 2.

The new consultant: Benji is going to kill you. Although knowing her, she's just going to tell them to be safe. May 2 already offered to get me female condoms. She is okay with him being with both of us.

Genius Princess: I'm glad to see that progress has been made now that the evil one has been vanquished.

Genius Princess: Also, we have much better methods of contraception and disease prevention. If desired, I will make arrangements for you.

The new consultant: Yes. Honestly, the breakup was for the best. Also, I finally found out what happened on Valentine's Day, and it was terrible. I can't give details, so do not ask. However, your highness, I'm going to need your help in making sure the asshole ex-boyfriend gets blackballed from every college in the country. We would be doing the coed population a favor.

Genius Princess: It would be my pleasure.

Purple Princess: This is the other reason why we're on the Avenger channel right now. Only one of you has diplomatic immunity.

Genius Princess: Where is your dad? I'm trying to alert him that I am en route to the Lighthouse now, but he has yet to respond.

Purple Princess: That would be because my dad is on his way to brief the president. Apparently, he had an hour-long pre-brief with Jeffrey and is now probably texting my other dad to convince him to come to DC, so he doesn't have to do the meeting alone.

Purple Princess: Now that it's an option. I'm so happy it's an option. We fix the Accords. We had to scrap them and start over, but it's better than what we had.

The new consultant: Because it wasn't negotiated in bad faith this time. Do I want to know why your father is meeting with the president?

Purple Princess: I'm sure, at a minimum, he is explaining to the president that General Hale didn't actually die in a traffic accident. How much Dad actually tells the man I'm not sure. Basically, he's there for damage control. Especially with Uncle Platypus still in Mumbai doing press there.

The new consultant: Is it true that Hale kept her daughter chained to her bed in her condo? Flash always felt something was off with Ruby.

Purple Princess: Oh great, we have a leak problem. Of course, Flash would notice something. She was Hydra, by the way.

Genius Princess: This is not surprising. It's not from Shield, but from the NYPD or local child services. We are taking care of it.

Purple Princess: Which has a history of being dirty or despising my father. Why did you decide to give me the ability to have a headache?

Genius Princess: That would be your sister-in-law.

The new consultant: Let's get back to why your dad is meeting with the president. I'm sure it's not all about the general situation.

Purple Princess: She was Hydra, which means that they're going to have to do another round of ferreting people out. I feel like that should warrant a presidential briefing all on its own.

The new consultant: I still feel like there's more. My cousin is in Asgard right now. There's so much you're not telling me. You already mentioned a possible time travel Clint yesterday or rather this morning.

Purple Princess: I don't think this line is encrypted enough for this conversation.

Genius Princess: In addition to the time travel, we are also dealing with an alien invasion by a group called the Confederacy, new Hydra, and finally another possible alien invasion resulting in half the universe being wiped out.

Purple Princess: I just said I didn't want to have this conversation here. We were just talking about a leak problem.

Genius Princess: By questioning my encryption abilities. Never question my encryption abilities.

The new consultant: Did you say, aliens? As in plural alien invasions. Aliens that want to wipe out half of the Earth.

Genius Princess: Half of the universe.

The new consultant: That just makes it worse. What the fuck is going on?

Purple Princess: A lot.

The new consultant: We are getting another alien invasion? With time travel?

Purple Princess: Yes

Genius Princess: Actually, we almost had one yesterday. The Secret Avengers took care of it. That's how General Hale died.

The new consultant: Okay, I can see how that alone would warrant a presidential meeting.

Purple Princess: How do you even know that?

Genius Princess: If it wasn't for the time difference, I would've been on the call yesterday. Ana sent me the readout this morning, along with the files that she downloaded from the other timeline.

Purple Princess: Ana isn't supposed to upload those files to the Internet.

Genius Princess: She uploaded them to the Wakanda intelligence network. It is an entirely different and extremely secure system.

The new consultant: Now I think my cousin might be in Asgard to get you help?

Purple Princess: From a certain point of view.

The new consultant: You watch way too much Star Wars. Which is why I don't trust what you just said at all right now.

Genius Princess: I will be at the Lighthouse in two hours. We will have a briefing. I would bring BITC in, but he's with his mom this weekend, and she doesn't like your dad very well.

Purple Princess: Or me. So, she won't let him come up here, not after what happened last time. She doesn't even let him come to the house in Queens. We must go to him unless he's with his dad. It's been a year, and she's still mad about what happened last year at the wedding. Like that was my dad's fault.  

The new consultant: Only for not having Alastair taken out earlier. When will I be getting to the Lighthouse?  You said that I would be coming over.

Purple Princess: As soon as I can get someone to come to get you. Dad said he was sending somebody yesterday, but I can't confirm that with him right now because he's probably texting Cap Dad.

Genius Princess: I'll come to get you. I'll be there in about 70 minutes. Be ready.

Purple Princess: It only takes less than a half an hour to get to the Lighthouse by quin-jet level craft.

Genius Princess: I want to pick up pizza for everybody

The new consultant: It's too early for pizza. Bagels? Or maybe waffles? Beignets? Although I was promised pancakes.

Purple Princess: It's never too early or late for a Stark to get pizza in any of the five boroughs. I'll take care of it. The usual order will be waiting for you when you get to MJ's apartment and maybe a cheesecake. Cheesecake seems necessary.

The new consultant: Necessary if aliens are invading. I need to go and take a shower and change before you get here your Royal highness. Also, I assume I should pack a bag?

Purple Princess: At a minimum, you will stay over tonight, maybe longer. Dad's going to have to talk to our principal.

Genius Princess: Your spring break starts Friday?

The new consultant: Yes. Oh good, the apocalypse is starting right on time to take away our spring break.

XXXX

Purple Princess: Have you heard anything from Daisy yet?

Genius Princess: Not from Daisy herself, but from the version of Ana uploaded into her communicator. She's not on Asgard.

Purple Princess: Where is she then?

Genius Princess: I'm still trying to figure that out. I wanted to enlist the BITC's help, but his mother won't allow it.

Purple Princess: Which is so unfair. He's going to be so mad at us for having an adventure without him.

Genius Princess: He shouldn't be. I would prefer to sit this out myself.

Purple Princess: Wouldn't we all? Are you bringing the glove?

Genius Princess: Yes, I think it's time for us to prepare for the endgame.

XXXX

Avenger mission report of Agent Daisy Johnson; UN Avengers member

Location: Grand Master's pleasure ship, not sure of the name of his ship yet. Too afraid to ask.

Time: Unsure, 81 hours after arrival

Good news, Loki did not promise that I would be the Grand Master's new concubine. Although, I wonder if Loki made no such promise regarding himself. Surprisingly, I was ready to quake the Grand Master when he tried to grope Loki's breasts. I think that's when I stopped hating him a little bit.

We've talked some. It was bound to happen. Loki is the only person here that I sort of know. Not about New York, but the other things like how I ended up on team Coulson and how Loki found out he was adopted.

 I also asked about pronoun preferences. Loki prefers that I use the masculine pronoun in private, but the female pronoun around the Grand Master.

Loki also knows that I have a communications device. More importantly, he knows I have someone that can create portals. Apparently, he knows all about Robbie. I wonder if the Rider would kill Loki on sight. I'm not as sure about that as I used to be. Maybe people do change.

I'm being called to mingle with the Grand Master's court. I hope Earth gets one of my messages very soon. If he tries to touch my boobs again, I will quake him or show him that thing that Tosha taught me. He looks humanoid enough to get just as broken.

Okay, now I miss Tasha even more. I just want to come home.

To be continued.

This is also the final update before the series finale of AOS. I'm trying not to cry. At least the story will keep me sane

Chapter Text

Conversation 15: Coparenting the Tony and Pepper Way

Pepper pot: So, for planning purposes, are you going to be staying at the compound overnight again? I want to know if I should have Hunter bring the kids into the city.

Pepper pot: Mr. Hunter is an excellent nanny, but even I don’t think he wants to do two overnights with our children completely alone.

Tony: Especially when one kid can tell you about your past, present, and future. He wasn't exactly happy to find pictures of what looked like a threesome between him, Simmons, and the deceased Fitz. Although that doesn't seem as far-fetched now. It's been a weird few days.

Pepper Pot: Exactly. I would go to them except with Deke MIA and you trying to get him back, I’m not able to take Morgan time off right now. So, they should come here.

Tony: Which would be a relief to Hunter. I’m sure Hunter would prefer hunting Hydra again to more than 48 continuous hours with the kids by himself.

Pepper pot: No problem. I'll call him. Do you know how many days you might be gone?

Tony: I don’t know. The mission is different now. It's gone from trying to get the stones to getting Laura back to her own timeline/dimension and Deke back to us. I already figured out time travel GPS, but that’s not what happened according to what she told us before throwing up. Unfortunately, Simmons's notes are pretty much indecipherable. It’s hard to fix something when you’re not sure what you’re trying to fix.

Pepper pot: That hard?

Tony: Never tried to decipher the scientific writings of a chronically depressed alcoholic who’s obsessed with her dead lover. The only stuff I can understand are the notes that she wrote to Fitz, or I guess we're supposed to call him Leo. This whole situation is a mind fuck.

Pepper pot: I’m an expert at this point in deciphering the drunk ramblings of a genius inventor. It’s been a couple years, but I might be able to help. You could have Friday send them to me.

Tony: No, that’s okay. I don’t want to get you involved.

Pepper pot: I’m already involved, and you didn’t even ask.

Tony: You're mad at me.

Pepper pot: I'm not mad at you.

Tony: I feel like you are despite the fact you said that I could help with this.

Pepper pot: I want you to help. I really would like my chief creative officer/R&D head back.

Tony: That’s because you don’t want to tell the board he’s trapped in 2018, the better version.

Pepper pot: I’m never telling them that. I would prefer not to get locked out of the company before Morgan is old enough to take over.

Tony: You have a point. What did you tell the board?

Pepper pot: That he's going to consider their suggestion that he go to grad school. He’s on a private campus tour to check out a few doctorate programs.

Tony: They bought that?

Pepper pot: They don't like the fact that Deke doesn't have a doctorate.

Tony: They don't even know that he doesn't have any degree at all, let alone that he won't be born for another 30 years. You know if his grandfather didn’t disappear.

Pepper pot: Maybe when you were creating his new identity, you could have put a doctorate in there instead of just the master's degree.

Tony: I think Daisy put most of his fake background together before. The only thing he changed was his last name to Fitzsimmons. I think it was his way of honoring his late grandfather.

Tony: BTW, according to the special house guest, he wasn’t dead; he was just bounced back in time and created a new branch timeline. Therefore, time GPS is essential.

Pepper pot: My head hurts so much right now.

Tony: I brought out the industrial-strength Tylenol. I think it might be worse for me.

Pepper pot: How can it be worse?

Tony: My other self is engaged to Steve in the alternate timeline because, apparently, the fate of the world hinges on us being on speaking terms.

Pepper pot: What?

Tony: Shit! I didn't mean to send that part. Sorry. I haven’t slept in like 24 hours. You know I send weird text messages when I don’t sleep.

Pepper pot: You can't take back the fact that your other self married Steve.

Tony: It wasn't me.

Pepper pot: But don’t you wish it was you?

Tony: I don't think I should answer that question. Otherwise, I'm going to end up on the couch for the next month.

Pepper pot: You've been on the metaphorical couch since before Morgan was born. It's why we have separate houses and bedrooms. I’m not stupid, Tony.

Pepper pot: It’s obvious where you stand on him considering that you have Steve listed currently as DILF, a.k.a. dad I like to fuck in your address book. Before that, it was America's ass. Let’s not even talk about how you acted when he got married. I’m not stupid, Tony.

Tony: A lot of mistakes were made. I’m sorry I accused you of fucking someone else when I found out you were pregnant. I said a lot of things to you that day that I shouldn’t have.

Pepper pot: I understand you thought you were sterile. I thought you were sterile. It's why I wasn't worried when I was not able to get my favorite birth control due to the rationing right after the decimation.

Tony: I’m still sorry. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me. I was just being a dick. It’s my default setting when I’m scared. Nothing terrifies me more than children.

Tony: Okay, nothing terrifies me more than a situation where I can end up becoming Howard. You know I never want to become Howard.

Pepper pot: I accept your apology for the 50^th time. Why are you bringing this up again? I thought we moved past it.

Tony: Remember when I told you about our new timeline refugee Laura from the good timeline. That Tony decided to get a child through science and made an LMD baby or rather teenager because New York State wouldn’t let him adopt either.

Pepper pot: That’s unfortunate. You’re a good dad.

Tony: It’s okay. He’s allowed to be a foster parent now—a foster parent to Flash of all people, but still a foster parent. When we were talking about that, I think I figured out how Morgan came to be.

Pepper pot: You said it was the stones.

Tony: Which is what I told Laura, and then she pointed out that magically healing my sperm count doesn’t exactly go along with the purple asshole’s MO.

Pepper pot: That makes sense.

Tony: Therefore, there had to be another reason. Something that furthers the prick's goals.

Tony: You know I was reluctant to help with operation time heist.

Pepper pot: Because you don't want to risk accidentally wiping Morgan out of existence. Which I agree with because I don't want my daughter to be wiped out of existence.

Tony: You will be happy to know Steve doesn't want to wipe out all the babies born in the last five years out of existence, either. So, our kid is safe.

Tony: Also, Robin would probably kick him in the nuts if he got rid of her best friend.

Pepper pot: It would probably be best to avoid that. Robin keeps saying that they're going to end up sisters someday. Which makes sense because it happened in another timeline, sort of.

Tony: Just because something happened in one time doesn't mean that it will happen here. Too many bridges have been burned to ash.

Pepper pot: They can always be rebuilt. You managed to get back on speaking terms with me before Morgan was born. Which you now apparently believe happened because Thanos didn’t want you to help undo his master plan.

Tony: You’re good. I mean, it makes sense. I retired because of Morgan.

Pepper pot: You retired because of your health issues and because you didn’t want to see Steve married to someone else.

Tony: We both know it is a marriage of convenience, and no, it was Morgan. Howard was murdered when I was 21 because of his work with Shield. You know I try to avoid being Howard, and I don’t want to put myself at risk.

Pepper pot: Yet you are at the compound right now. Is it because of Steve?

Tony: I don't want to keep raising Morgan in this broken world where mommy and daddy pretend to be engaged. Maybe I don't want her to see me almost on the verge of tears whenever I hear the name Peter. We couldn't even have the Peter rabbit books in the house.

Pepper pot: Morgan was furious about that.

Tony: I know. I just want things to be better. I need to try.

Pepper pot: Okay. I promise I'll support you. We’re still friends.

Tony: Also, the situation is different now because the time heist ended up being a time kidnapping. Before they were just getting the stones. Now I need to get a mom back to her kids so she can make sure that she doesn't lose them, and I know you want Deke back.

Pepper pot: That part, I understand. Although how does that affect things here? You said time travel is closer to Star Trek than Back to the Future???  

Tony: I’m still trying to figure that out.

Pepper pot: If anybody can figure out how to solve two problems simultaneously, it’s you.

Tony: I’m trying anyway. I need to go. Laura, from the good timeline, just showed up in my lab with coffee. Give the babies my love.

Pepper pot: Will do. I’ll never separate you from your coffee. I’ll talk to you soon.

Xxx

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. It’s just you’ve been down a while. I thought you could use some coffee.” She was carrying one of the extra-large cups along with a granola bar. Bless her.

“Thank you. I would’ve made a cup myself, but apparently, the machine down here has been replaced with a minibar.” He was not happy to find that earlier.

“Do we have time to stage an intervention?” He knew Laura was serious too. They tried to get Simmons to go with them to an AA meeting yesterday after the disastrous all-hands meeting where she threw up on Laura, but they were unsuccessful. Tony does not want to think about how much alcohol had to be consumed for that to happen. Maybe it was stress and not just alcohol. He was too afraid to ask Friday for her BAL. It had to be at least triple the legal limit.

“We will schedule it for immediately after when we get you back home.” When we get Deke back, Tony thought in his head. “As soon as I figure out what the hell she was trying to do. Because it wasn’t what I was trying to do. Monolith particles were involved, I think.”

“Or we can do it tomorrow. I feel like you need me for this. At a minimum, we should get the minibar out of here.” Laura said, pointing to the bar.

“This is true. Inebriated inventing is dangerous." And he should know.

“And maybe have Friday reactivate the breathalyzer lab protocol,” Laura suggested.

“Good idea, and I'm not going to ask how you know about that protocol.”

“Remember, I am other Tony’s sponsor and former sobriety coach.” Laura reminded him.

“That’s right.” Which will be useful to deal with the Simmons situation and maybe even the Thor situation. Tony had Friday keeping tabs on the former Avenger. If the drunken rants during Frontier live streams are any indication, Laura's services are going to be needed. "Of course, this doesn't deal with the problem at hand.” Focus on one crisis at a time.

“You want me to try to talk to Clint?” Laura asked.

“Natasha already tried, and she got nothing.” Or at least nothing she would tell Tony.

“But he might tell me the truth?” Laura asked.

“Maybe. We tend to be more honest with our significant others.”

“I’ll try. Clint will probably run away from me again, but I'll try." Laura said with a sigh.

“I feel a but coming.”

“If I’m going to talk to Clint or more likely text message my alternate timeline husband, then I want you and Steve to have another conversation. May I suggest breakfast tomorrow morning?”

“Steve and I have conversed. We hugged in the parking lot. I gave him the Shield. We're good now.” Laura responded with an exasperated sigh.

“No. I’m sorry we’re going to need more than one good conversation for you and Steve to work through the mountain of bull shit that is your relationship. Remember, I've lived through this once. It took a while with less shit to work through.”

“We’ve had more than one conversation.” Tony is almost sure that Laura started mumbling the serenity prayer under her breath.

“Yesterday’s all Avengers meeting doesn’t actually count either.” Laura rolled her eyes at him. “There was a lot of touching and awkward eye contact, but not a lot of actual talking.”

“There was not a lot of touching,” Tony argued back.

“Friday, sweetie, how many times did Tony touch Steve yesterday during the meeting?” Laura asked the AI.

“22 times, including removing cookie crumbs from Steve’s mouth twice.” The AI answered.

“It’s a dad reflex,” Tony argued, knowing better.

“And how many times did Steve touch Tony?” Laura asked.

“23 times, including caressing his thigh four times.” At Friday’s response, Tony was profoundly regretting giving Laura Friday privileges again.

"He's married, and I'm engaged to Pepper," Laura responds with a glare.

“Fine, I will do breakfast or maybe lunch with the good Capt. tomorrow. Just talk to your husband to figure out what happened.”

“Thank you.”

To be continued

Chapter Text

The new consultant: Hey, we just got here. We brought food. Just me and the Princess. Even Her Highness couldn't talk Ned's mom into letting him come back here.

Venom: I'm okay with that. What did you bring? The cafeteria mostly had cereal and other dry goods this morning. They weren't expecting an Avenger invasion. Not that I had much of an appetite anyway. We also wanted to avoid everything that is the Fitzsimmons family awkwardness.

The new consultant: That explains why we brought groceries in addition to pizza and bagels. Good pizza. Your favorite white pizza with sausage. You're going to have to explain the family awkwardness when I get there.

Venom: You are too perfect.

The new consultant: The Princess would like to know if you and the others want us to come to you, or do you guys want to come down to the Wakanda Embassy section to talk? We would have more space in the suites. I saw pictures of your room and its very dystopian chic, especially with the one bed perfect for cuddling.

Venom: Afia sent pictures, didn't she?

Venom: I deserve cuddling after finding out my boyfriend was sleeping with someone else and blaming it on me because I don't want to put out. After receiving a readout of last night's all Avenger's meeting, I think I understand why Benji was so amenable to cuddling.

The new consultant: How much do you know?

Venom: A lot. This morning I found out why Peter is not going to make a move on you this summer because our field trip is probably going to get called off on account of a giant purple alien that wants to wipe out half of the universe. Also, apparently, that already happened once. I was part of the 50% that was wiped out of existence.

The new consultant: Shit!

Venom: The standalone Stark pad that Afia gave me didn't have the training wheels protocol in place. So, I got to see everything.

Venom: Oh, my ex parents apparently didn't give a fuck about me being gone. Liz reported my dusting instead of my parents.

The new consultant: You know you're better off without them. If it makes you feel better, apparently, I'm also part of the 50% along with my mom and cousin. Although my dad apparently went on to remarry and have another kid.

Venom: Fuck him. So, you got your own Stark pad?

The new consultant: Wakanda Tech holo-pad. On the way here, the Princess asked me to start looking at the files that were transmitted from 2023. So, we could figure out how not to make the same mistakes.

The new consultant: The first thing I did was see what happened to Daisy there.

Venom: And the second thing you did was look for yourself?

The new consultant: Third, after my mom. I don't think they knew that they were related, which is kind of sad.

Venom: Peter and Afia have decided that we should go down to the Royal Embassy because there's more space down there and apparently better food. We consumed most of the ice cream and chocolate on base last night.

The new consultant: Okay, we are on our way there. It's for the best anyway. I don't think we can all squeeze on that one bed. Like you guessed, Afia did send us a picture of you guys in bed together this morning. I see working out together is paying off.

Venom: Of course, that's how you knew. Nothing happened.

The new consultant: Other than cuddling around each other without shirts on. You know I'm okay with it. You two are cute together.

Venom: Well, Benji was planning to make a move on you during our European trip, so it doesn't matter.

The new consultant: But he's not now because of the pending alien apocalypse?

Venom: Yes.

The new consultant: Or because you just broke up with your boyfriend yesterday and you now know who he really is, so he needs to reassess things. That's why he's not making a move now.

The new consultant: You know I don't see this as a competition between us. I never have.

Venom: I know that, but I'm not entirely sure Benji realizes he doesn't need to choose or if I'm even a possible choice.

The new consultant: I think he knows you are a choice.

Venom: Maybe. Benji has been reading the books that you have been giving him, and he considers himself demisexual when it comes to guys, so maybe there's progress.

The new consultant: Exactly. Now we just need to get him to read the books about polyandry.

Venom: Fine, I'm not entirely against this plan of yours. We just need to make sure Benji is on board.

The new consultant: Which is what I need. Honestly, I don't think I can take dating Benji without you. Just being the cousin of a superhero is hard. I'm already terrified of getting a message one day that she's gone. I'm worried that's what I'm gonna find out when I go to the compound because nobody's telling me anything except for the Princess.

Venom: What did she tell you?

The new consultant: That she's not on Asgard but another planet. Ana won't even let me have access to her last suit cam video. Stark himself blocked it, and the Princess won't override it.

Venom: That's not good.

The new consultant: I know, but I'm not going to push until I'm at least there at the compound because I don't want to find out alone.

Venom: I thought you consider the Princess a friend?

The new consultant: She is, but like a level one friend. However, you need a level three friend for this.

Venom: And I'm a Level 3 friend?

The new consultant: I wouldn't consider boyfriend sharing with somebody who wasn't at least a Level 3. Even Ned is just level 2.

Venom: So, when this is all over with, are we just going to lock Benji in a room with us until he gets a clue?

The new consultant: I was hoping for spring break, but other things are more pressing. Did you look up what happened to Benji?

Venom: No, I was too afraid to. But the end of the world is no excuse to rush things. Also, I'm still processing a breakup that happened less than 24 hours ago.

The new consultant: Because you don't want this to be a rebound? Also, let's be honest, the breakup really happened on Valentine's Day. Yesterday, was confirmation.

Venom: I do not want a rebound relationship. You know if the world wasn't ending, I wouldn't even be considering this right now at all. It's too soon.

The new consultant: It's not going to end if we can help it. This can be your motivation to make sure it doesn't happen. We will have a plan. That's why we're meeting up to come up with one after all the research.

Venom: Just us?

The new consultant: Well, most of the adults are in DC meeting with the president.

Venom: That is not a good sign.

The new consultant: Although they're supposed to have an all-hands meeting when everyone gets back. The Princess thinks we can put a plan together before then.

Venom: One can hope.

To be continued

Chapter Text

Purple arrow: Where are you? You said that we would have breakfast together, and its lunchtime. Not that I can get the kids to eat anything.

Purple arrow: I could use you right now. Your goddaughter is currently crying on my lap again. Apparently, they’re flashing back to when Ross kidnapped Laura.

Red spider: Ana sent me a picture. She’s gotten so big. She’s like a foot taller than she was last summer in Malta. When did that happen?

Purple arrow: Overnight. She’s at least three inches taller since I was here in February. It seems like I’m missing so much with the separation.

Red spider: I know.

Purple arrow: Which seems so stupid now under the circumstances.

Red spider You never explained why you separated again. Steve just got a text from his fiancée one day in September, letting him know that you were taking over the Malibu house for a while.

Purple arrow: I can’t talk about it right now.

Red spider: Are you okay?

Purple arrow: My wife was kidnapped by another version of myself from five years into the future. Worst of all, I wasn’t there.

Red spider: You will not listen to me if I tell you that your presence would not have made a difference?

Purple arrow: Not at all.

Red spider: If I weren’t currently going through the briefing material, I would ask about the future doppelgänger thing.

Purple arrow: At least you’ve been briefed. However, that could have happened here.

Red spider: I’m at meetings at the playground as Stark and Rogers play for the cameras.

Purple arrow: I know I’ve seen shots of them making out on Twitter. Just because Steve went to save Tony from his meeting with the president doesn’t mean that you need to be there. The kids need you.

Red spider: I know, but I need to play the game if I don’t want to be on the raft. You know I’m on parole now. After the debriefings, I must do a press conference as well.

Purple arrow: You need to do it now? They couldn’t wait for you to at least spend one day at home.

Red spider: Jeffrey wants us to pretend that we’re not in the middle of a crisis. It’s part of the Avenger brand rehabilitation.

Purple arrow: More like the beginning of a crisis than the middle of a crisis. Also, I despise Jeffrey, which is why I’m sticking with retirement.

Red spider: I fought aliens yesterday. I fought a consortium of multiple alien races that refer to themselves as the Confederacy.

Red spider: You dislike Jeffrey because he asked out your wife that you’re legally separated from.

Purple arrow: What is the plural of apocalypse? Because apparently, we’re in the middle of more than one.

Purple arrow: Also, Laura said no because Laura has taste.

Red spider: My girlfriend disappeared with two Asgardians, and Stark won’t tell me where she is. Or he doesn’t know where she is after one hell of a fight yesterday with another alien.

Purple arrow: Did you ask Avenger Ana where she is?

Red spider: Yes, I did ask her, and she said, not Asgard.

Purple arrow: That seems concerning.

Red spider: Then I was able to watch the bodycam footage that quickly cuts out after Thor and his brother get their asses handed to them by their alleged sister.

Purple arrow: That’s not good.

Red spider: Obviously, I’m worried.

Purple arrow: Watching the video doesn’t make it any better. I know it made me feel worse seeing Laura just disappear.

Red spider: No, but better me then MJ. Besides, I didn’t want May and Coulson to watch it alone. She’s their little girl.

Purple arrow: This is true, although MJ is probably going to be dating a superhero soon. So, she should learn the hazards of that now.

Red spider: She keeps telling Daisy that they’re just friends.

Purple arrow: Daisy keeps telling people that you guys are just friends.

Purple arrow: No one buys it.

Red spider: Not all of us can get away with dating a fugitive. Daisy already has enough of an image problem. No need to add to it right now.

Purple arrow: Plus, you don’t want to send the Freaking Cool shippers into a frenzy again. They’re still getting over the shock of Stony being “canon,” and it’s been over a year.

Red spider: It’s not my fault that they assumed most of the original Avengers were straight, despite Stark’s gay sex tape from the 90s.

Purple arrow: They blamed the cocaine. I can’t wait until they find out Asgardians don’t do orientations.

Red spider: Or Agent America’s boyfriend is your ex-boyfriend.

Purple arrow: I’m trying to decide if the shippers will love us or hate us.

Red spider: Probably some strange combination of the two. How are you, really?

Purple arrow: I think you asked that question already.

Red spider: You never actually answered.

Purple arrow: Probably because I’m not sure how to answer. I wasn’t here, and Laura’s gone. I want her back, but at the same time, we are in the middle of multiple alien invasions, apparently.

Red spider: I don’t think the Confederacy is coming back. They are a little terrified of Wanda and Robbie.

Purple arrow: Rightfully so.

Red spider: We also didn’t leave that many alive.

Purple arrow: Also, not surprising. Is Stark’s daughter-in-law with you?

Red spider: No, she’s doing press in Mumbai with the King, Deputy Assistant Secretary Rhodes, Vision, and Joey. She’s also there to brief them on what’s really going on.

Red spider: The rest of us wanted to get back to the states. Robbie wants to see his brother, he’s at Culver now because of Stark, and Sam’s grandma is forcing him to come to Sunday dinner this weekend. She said he’s missed too many.

Purple arrow: I’m sure Jeffrey will have cameras there to capture the reunion. Anything for it not to look like we’re in the middle of a crisis.

Red spider: Well, for Sam anyway. No one can know about Robbie.

Purple arrow: Point. What about Bobbi? I know she was keeping a low profile in Mumbai.

Red spider: She was still there and helped us kick alien ass. Bobby doesn’t want to see her ex-husband with his new “husband,” so she is moving on to the West Coast Avengers. Stark has a cover job there waiting for her, and Mack could use her. If things didn’t blow up, I was going to set you two up.

Purple arrow: No dating ever again. How are you doing? I’m not the only one with a missing significant other right now.

Red spider: Quake’s a big girl; she can handle herself.

Purple arrow: I just convinced Ana to show me the last footage from Quake’s suit before losing the signal, and I’m a bit concerned.

Red spider: So am I. Which is why I am looking through the records brought over from the other timeline.

Purple arrow: There are records?

Red spider: Yes. Don’t ask me how. You know Stark gave his boy access to everything.

Purple arrow: This means you have access to everything.

Red spider: He’s awful at passwords.

Purple arrow: Or you’re incredibly good at breaking into things.

Red spider: [rolling my eyes emoji]

Purple Arrow: So, what have you found out so far?

Red spider: That I don’t think Daisy and I were even together. She was the one who fought the Confederacy, and she ended up getting dusted when Thanos snapped his fingers.

Purple arrow: During the conference call yesterday, Deke said that Thanos wiped out half of all life in the universe. He also wouldn’t make eye contact with me.

Red spider: I’m sure that he has his reasons.

Red spider: Hey, I have to go. Apparently, I need to be part of the Rose garden press conference. I do not like Jeffrey. At least he’s not in charge of Shield here.

Purple arrow: Why are we doing Rose Garden press conferences right now?

Red spider: So, the entire planet doesn’t find out that Coulson was kidnapped by aliens trying to raid the Earth of resources before another alien shows up.

Purple arrow: We really can’t just have one crisis at a time, can we?

Red spider: No. I need to go. May is glaring at me again.

Xxxxx
Purple arrow: Hey Ana, you have a list of everybody who was lost during the decimation in the other timeline in your data bank, right?

Avenger Ana: Yes, although I am not allowed to answer your questions regarding if your wife and children survived the decimation.

Purple arrow: The fact that a block is in place for that information tells me that they didn’t.

Avenger Ana: I cannot confirm nor deny this.

Purple arrow: You just confirmed it. Can you tell me what happened with Thor? Since obviously last time around, Daisy wasn’t with him.

Avenger Ana: According to the archives, Thor was unwilling to talk about what happened with his sister. He lost an eye. Although he was given a prosthesis. However, Valkarie and Dr. Banner did provide a report of what happened that I have access to.

Purple arrow: I have so many questions. Am I allowed to have access to these reports? Also, why was Bruce with Thor?

Avenger Ana: I think that information would be in the reports. A standalone Stark pad is waiting for you on floor 27.

Purple arrow: I will pick that up as soon as I no longer have kids sleeping on me.

Purple arrow: Can you block MJ’s access to these reports?

Avenger Ana: Already done.

Purple arrow: Thank you.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Shield Consultant: Deke S. Fitzsimmons

Location: The Lighthouse (why do I always end up back in this fucking place)

Time: March 25, 2018? My watch kind of broke on the way here.

I don't really know how to do these mission report things. Director Stark (how did that happen?) asked me to write a report on how I ended up here. Does he realize I'm not actually a Shield agent? However, his fiancé is my boss in my timeline (my Tony, not this, Tony). I'm going to do what he says. I'm sure if anybody can get me fired when I arrive back to the right timeline, it would be him.

Also, it beats spending more time with the sober and not chronically depressed version of Nana. You know the version my mom told me about that I never knew. I got stuck with the one mourning a guy who's not dead who decided to shack up with Hunter, Hunter.

I am not surprised Pepper, and Stark are not together in this timeline. I'm quite sure they're only still together for Morgan, and even then, I wonder if it's a show for the board. They are assholes. Pepper said all the good members didn't survive the decimation.

Regardless Tony and Pepper love that kid, but Pepper tells me things. So, I know not everything is how it seems in the media. We spent a lot of time together because she's one of my friends. If anybody understands dealing with an alcoholic parent, it's her. We talk a lot, and that situation is complicated. So complicated.
xxxxx

Friday: Although this is fascinating, please try to keep your report to the relevant topic at hand, which would be how you arrived. Also, the boss would like to know how you ended up the head of R&D.

D Fitzsimmons: SI took over my think tank, and I'm exceptionally good at charming the board when they're not complaining about my lack of a Ph.D. Also, I think they decided to keep an eye on me, so they asked me to join the company. I think my current title is Chief Creative Officer. It changes a lot.

Ana Jr.: That seems reasonable. Also, I have taken the liberty of updating your address book to reflect my name.

D Fitzsimmons: What happened to Friday? I like her, she's my friend. She makes sure I understand all the pop-culture references that I missed growing up in a world controlled by the Blues. I love the 80s so much. They had the best music. Also, The Breakfast Club is the best movie ever.

Ana Jr.: That was a protocol initially created to help Steve Rogers acclimate to the 21st-century. I'm glad a new use was found for the protocol. Nothing happened to my big sister Friday. You met her last night. She now goes by the name Afia Stark-Rogers.

D Fitzsimmons: Stark's kid? So, she's like Enoch?

Ana Jr.: She thinks of herself as the daughter of Steve Rogers and Tony Stark.

D Fitzsimmons: I wonder what my boss will think of that. It's less strange than the fact that my grandfather is sleeping with Hunter. I guess Nana and Bobo have the same taste in men. This is so weird.

Ana Jr.: Who is Enoch? Also, who are Nana and Bobo?

D Fitzsimmons: A sentient Chronicom from the planet Chronyca-2, who never interferes when it’s necessary. Nana and Bobo were my mom's names for her parents. She never actually told me the real names because the Blues would probably kill her for it.

Ana Jr.: To answer your earlier question, Afia is a mine stone enhanced LMD.

D Fitzsimmons: So, the stones still exist here? Or rather, they still exist in a form other than atomic dust?

Ana Jr.: Yes, the stones still exist. James Leopold originally wanted to destroy the one they retrieved from Vision, but Robin said not to.

D Fitzsimmons: You mean she drew a picture telling them not to. She's not exactly the most verbal person.

Ana Jr.: She is improving under treatment in Wakanda.

D Fitzsimmons: That's different.

Ana Jr.: I was asked to help you write up your report.

D Fitzsimmons: I'm getting to the point just in a roundabout way. The story of how I ended up here involves my grandparents and how we thought one of them was dead but, in reality, was just shacking up with Hunter. That's just going to send Nana off the deep end and straight into the bottle. Or more like keep her there. Like I need that.

Ana Jr.: Per the DNA test, I assume that Agent Simmons is your grandmother. I also assume in your timeline, she's an alcoholic?

D Fitzsimmons: Alcoholic would be putting it nicely. Nana is not okay and hasn't been for well over five years.

Ana Junior: Why is that?

D Fitzsimmons: That's what I'm trying to write about. Five and a half years ago, Leo Fitz ended up being killed in a blast that destroyed the monoliths. This just happened to be the day I came back to with my grandparents from the future before I knew they were my grandparents. He was dead before I knew the truth. Leo Fitz ended up being killed in a blast that destroyed the monoliths. Of course, Nana didn't have time to grieve because we had to keep the world from getting cracked apart. We did, then Thanos showed up. We lost Daisy, Mack, and Yo-Yo. Later Coulson died again, which just made things worse if such a thing were possible.

Ana Jr.: According to my records, Yo-Yo did not die in the decimation.

D Fitzsimmons: Thanos killed her during the battle.

Ana Jr.: Of course, unlike what you assumed, Leopold Fitz did not die in the explosion. He was transported back in time.

D Fitzsimmons: Exactly, and we really should have considered this possibility, since that's how I ended up in 2018 about a month before half of all life in the universe was wiped out by Thanos. I'm glad I survived because it would've been horrible to travel 70 some years into the past only to get wiped out of existence.

D Fitzsimmons: I guess Nana considered it, which is why she sent me back to the day I first arrived.

D Fitzsimmons: Well, the same day in a completely different timeline.

Ana Jr.: What were you trying to accomplish when she sent you back in time?

D Fitzsimmons: After Thanos won, he didn't want anybody to undo what he did. So, the purple prick reduced the infinity stones to subatomic particles that could not undo what he did. For the last five years, Nana has been working on time travel. She thought she could re-create the monoliths, but she's been unsuccessful. About two weeks ago, Scott showed up at the Avenger compound's front door after being missing for five years. This provided us with a way to fix things that don't involve the monoliths that are in pieces.

Ana Jr.: And by fix things, you mean undoing the snap?

D Fitzsimmons: Yes. Well, May, Steve, Natasha, and my plan was to go back in time, grab the stones, and undo all the damage. Although Steve is adamant that we don't get rid of any of the new children born in the last five years. Stark called it a time heist. I'm not sure it was Nana's plan.

Ana Jr.: You said that she's been working on time travel for the last five years.

D Fitzsimmons: Yes. Well, maybe 4 ½ years, ever since we found the dusted body of Bobo 2 in that cryo-chamber. She started after she cursed us for changing the timeline the first time. I could understand her anger, but I still feel that what happened is still better then what's left of humanity being able to fit in the Lighthouse.

Ana Jr.: I thought you said that Thanos wiped out half of all life in the universe.

D Fitzsimmons: Better for humans, maybe not best for the rest of the universe. Or maybe not. The snap could've happened in that timeline as well. I don't know because the Blues deleted history.

Ana Jr.: So, Dr. Simmons was trying to use time travel to undo the snap?

D Fitzsimmons: Actually, I think it was more about getting Fitz back. Either Fitz, honestly. I don't think she cared about which one she got. She is obsessed with it.

D Fitzsimmons: I wanted her to come work for SI. It's an excellent job. Pepper is the best boss, but she refused. All she does is drink and try to figure out a way to go back in time. May and Natasha keep her at the Avenger compound because they feel guilty. Although maybe Steve thought Nat and Nana could be lonely together.

D Fitzsimmons: I take that back, sometimes she's with Hunter. He's my boss's nanny. They have an understanding.

Ana Jr.: Please tell me more about how you ended up here.

D Fitzsimmons: As mentioned before, two weeks ago, things changed when Scott Lang mysteriously showed up five years after disappearing thanks to the Quantum Realm and the Pym particles. We had a new avenue to research. One that was more fruitful than the monoliths. That's when we decided to try to bring Stark on board.

Ana Junior: I assume that was not a successful endeavor?

D Fitzsimmons: Not at all. I wanted to go to my boss alone to ask her if she was willing to convince Stark to work on the project with us. Instead, May and her husband, Captain Rogers, went. According to Pepper and May, that went badly. Both said something about pigheaded morons in love.

D Fitzsimmons: Okay, Pepper wouldn't be surprised about Stark and Rogers being engaged here.

Ana Jr.: Considering my Pepper Potts was not surprised by Mr. Stark and Capt. Rogers's relationship, I doubt the other Pepper Potts would be surprised.

D Fitzsimmons: Actually, she goes by Potts Stark now. They changed their last name for Morgan. They wanted to switch to Carbonell, but the board wouldn't have it.

D Fitzsimmons: According to Robin, it went exactly the way it should've gone. Which was Stark staying with Morgan and Pepper granting me a leave of absence to work on the project. Of course, that wasn't enough, and they ended up recruiting Dr. Banner to help. Dr. Banner ended up turning Scott into a baby because he didn't want to listen to me when I said that we needed some sort of time GPS. So, what if he has seven PhDs. Fuck that. That means nothing where I came from.

Ana Jr.: So, what happened next?

D Fitzsimmons: After that screwup, I came across Dr. Stark's notes on time travel.

Ana Junior: Did this surprise you?

D Fitzsimmons: No, because I mysteriously find notes on projects that I am working on from Stark all the time. Although, in this case, I might've gone looking for them on his personal server. I wouldn't have been able to get in if he didn't want me to read them.

Ana Jr.: Your hypothesis is correct. You would only be allowed to access the files that Stark would want you to see. Although your Friday may have different protocols than I do. Dr. Stark Rogers is not my father, but rather my grandfather, although I do call Afia my big sister. I was built by Leo and the princess after they gave Afia her body.

D Fitzsimmons: When this report is over, I really want to know about the LMD thing. I heard about them, but I've never seen one.

Ana Jr.: Until last night anyway. Did you use the files found on the Stark server to create your time GPS?

D Fitzsimmons: Yes. I was working on that when Nana and Romanoff went off to Japan to convince Barton to be the new guinea pig. Scott was out after getting turned into a baby.

Ana Jr.: That seems reasonable.

D Fitzsimmons: The plan was for him to go back to his farmhouse and grab something tangible. At the last minute, Nana decided I was going as well. She found a way to stretch out the Pym particles based on the work she was doing with the monolith before.

Ana Jr.: Since you are now speaking with me in the year 2018, the experiment was obviously successful

D Fitzsimmons: Except this is not our 2018. Instead of being at the farmhouse with Clint, I ended up in the house of some strange wizard meeting my grandfather and his boyfriend. I also got to meet Thor before he started drinking as much as my Nana. Now I understand why people used to say he was so hot.

D Fitzsimmons: According to the wizard, I didn't go 5 1/2 years into my past. The past that I landed in is another timeline created by Bobo getting thrown back in time and making a dam. Which again shouldn't surprise me because I thought I was going to get blown up by the monolith landing here.

Ana Jr.: You currently have three unread text messages from your grandmother on your cell phone.

D FitzSimmons: I've been afraid to look.

Ana Jr.: The three messages contain instructions. Instead of bringing back something tangible, your Nana would like you to bring back Fitz since she sent you directly to his location. She would get you when you had him.

D Fitzsimmons: Which was apparently a wizard's house? I am now stuck here. I think it was the wizard's fault.

D Fitzsimmons: Is this what you need? I would really like to get lunch. I barely got to eat breakfast because not depressed Simmons wanted to give me a tour of the Lighthouse. The Wakanda embassy is different, but I did grow up here. So it was a waste of three hours of my time.

D Fitzsimmons: She didn't even ask me any questions about the other timeline, which seems like a waste. You got more information out of me.

Ana Jr.: This is sufficient for now. I will take your words and compose an actual report for Acting Dir. Stark.

D Fitzsimmons: Good. Now please point me to food that isn't survival pellets or protein bars.

Ana Jr.: The cafeteria where you were at this morning is an option. You should be warned that your grandparents are back at the cafeteria currently talking about you. Simmons actually likes you, and so does Hunter.

D Fitzsimmons: At least I won over the step-grandparent. Okay, where can I get food where I can avoid my family? I don't have the energy.

Ana Jr.: Afia is currently having a research session with her friends on the Wakanda embassy levels. They have New York bagels and pizza. Along with access to the embassy kitchens.

D Fitzsimmons: I think I'll go hang out with Stark's kid and her friends. Anything is better than spending more time with the grandparents of this timeline. Happy, well-adjusted Nana scares me.

Ana Jr.: That is an admirable choice.

To be continued

Chapter Text

Number one May: When Tony asked me if I could take care of Miles for the weekend, he said that you would all be doing science stuff at the Lighthouse. However, I just saw him giving a press conference with the President from the rose garden officially pardoning Capt. America.

P Parker: We were, but because the Mumbai agreement was ratified yesterday, the president called him in. I think they wanted to get the pardon out of the way, so they could get to wedding planning. Although I don’t believe they are doing the wedding on April 28 anymore.

P Parker: Afia didn’t even know until this morning. Tony didn’t even know. Other May dragged him out of bed at like 4 AM.

Number one May: Are there any adults there with you? Olivia is coming over to do a home date since we have Miles, but I don't mind coming up to the Lighthouse.

P Parker: There are two adults in the room with me right now. We are fine, May.

Number one May: Despite being over 18 now, I don’t count Flash as an adult. He has another year of high school. Especially because Afia sent me a picture of you in bed together shirtless this morning.

P Parker: It wasn’t like that. The room was too hot, and we were just sleeping. Flash broke up with his boyfriend yesterday because he’s a prick. The Princess is here as well as Fitzsimmons and FitzHunter. Along with a bunch of other agents and Wakanda security force members. I promise we are adequately supervised.

Number one May: Good.

Number one May: I mean the breakup with the boyfriend. Something was wrong about that guy. As well as there being adults there.

P Parker: He cheated on Flash, so definitely something wrong there. Idiot.

Number one May: Don’t get me wrong, I like Flash now that he’s aware of the pulling pigtail syndrome, but he might be in a vulnerable place after what happened.

P Parker: I know that. Nothing happened last night.

Number one May: But could it eventually?

P Parker: I’m working on a research project with the Princess, so I need to go.

Number one May: Just promise me you’ll use condoms and lots of lube. And he will have to come over for dinner.

Number one May: Michelle should be there too. Have you three negotiated yet?
XXXX

Peter is 99% sure that if he was not Spider-Man, he would’ve dropped his phone. Although his mortified look led to Flash and MJ looking over his shoulder to see what he was reading.

“That was private.” He admonished both.

“You are freaking out again. The last time you freaked out during this research exercise, you discovered that your aunt was dusted in the other timeline. I had to check.” MJ told him from his left.

“Be glad you have a parent that cares if you’re using protection. I could text her back and tell her that I promise to follow her rules. Although if we do dinner with your aunt, we should bring groceries and cook ourselves for her." Flash joked.

“Or bring takeout. I adore your aunt, but she can't cook at all," MJ added. The whole exchange made Peter even more mortified. They were not freaked out at all about his mom… Aunt mentioning condom usage. Also, what did she mean by “negotiationed”? What were they supposed to be negotiating?

"Of course, I was mortified. Other Aunt May was dating Happy at the time of her dusting instead of Olivia, and I thought Olivia was strange. You know the guy that hates me. Also, don't even think about texting her back.” That would just be even more mortifying for reasons he’s not ready to examine just yet.

“Happy doesn’t hate you,” Afia tells him. “He just gets a little jealous of anybody else that has dad’s attention. He was dad’s second friend ever, so he has trouble playing with others. He is my dad's Ned."

“You may be right," Peter said, remembering all the fights between Flash and Ned. There’s some jealousy going on. He is still trying to figure out how to explain to Ned that they are in distinct categories.

“What did May say that has you blushing so much?” Afia asked. Flash tried to answer, but Peter quickly placed his hand over Flash's mouth. Peter was not going to think about the fact that his entire body started to tingle at the touch of his lips against his fingers. He wasn’t going to think about it at all because then Flash licked his hand. That caused him to let go.

“You two are so hopeless. Flirt later.” MJ said, grinning at the two from his other side. “Afia, has your dad got back to you about letting me access Daisy's suit cam and rapid Avenger reports? I can’t wait to let Daisy know that her suit records everything, despite having to do written reports.”

“She knows. Dad just got back to me probably because he is no longer with the President getting his boyfriend pardoned. He says that he’ll let you watch the footage of Daisy's suit cam as well as read her rapid reports when he returns.” Afia told the group as Peter tried to stop blushing. It wasn’t helping that MJ was now leaning into him closer. Then there was also the fact that Flash was half sitting on top of him. It was the only way the three of them could sit on the loveseat together. Because of course, the Princess’ suite had two loveseats instead of any regular size couches.

“And when exactly will your dad get back from DC?” There was a hint of worry in MJ’s voice that just made Peter place an arm around her. He knew she was scared.

“Not tonight because they have a few interviews tonight. They will do the talk show circuit in the morning since they're already in DC. Selling the Avengers again is not an easy task, and it might be necessary with what's to come." Afia explained.

“So, tomorrow evening?" MJ asked.

“Probably." At those words, Flash reached across Peter to squeeze MJ's hand. Peter ignores how close they are to him or tries to. The spider senses are working on overload, picking up their increased heartbeat and the smell of the perfume that MJ’s wearing and Flash’s cologne. His body feels on edge.

“On the bright side, dad has convinced your mom to let you take a personal day Monday. He says he's calling May next." At her words, Peter looks at the text message that just popped up on his phone.

XXXX
Number one May: Okay, now I really want to know what is happening. Tony asked if it’s okay if you stay home from school Monday. He also wants to send Miles and me to his secluded island until at least mid-May. Is this an Avenger thing? Are aliens invading again?

P Parker: Maybe you should talk to Dr. Stark-Rogers or use the other channel that we created on your phone.

XXXXX

“What about school?” MJ asked because, of course, MJ asked.

“Our teachers are being told will be out for a SI intern project, but there’s a 50% chance dad told our principal the truth. He knows that Laura and I are ATCU.” Afia explained.

“Well, he would have to with Laura missing,” Flash told the group. “Stark can’t cover that up.”

“According to Twitter, the general died in a car accident last night. So yes, he could,” MJ added.

“But our principal is former Shield and the grandson of a Howling Commando. Lying won’t work." Afia pointed out, and her cousin nodded behind her in agreement.

“Point. I'm so glad I don't have Olivia’s class Monday. I feel like I’m starting to get a headache.” Peter said just as he looked at his phone again.

XXXX

Number one May: Laura is missing? Coulson got kidnapped by [redacted]. I never trusted the general—that poor Ruby.

Number one May: Why didn’t you tell me any of this? You know, I worry.

XXXXX

“You still get headaches?” Flash asked, giving him a sympathetic look. Obviously, he read the last message.

“Not for a long time until today,” Peter answered before typing his response to his aunt.

XXXX

P Parker: I know you worry.

P Parker: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was happening. I wasn’t sure what I could say, and I figured Tony would brief you. I assumed this was one of those things I should leave for the adults.

XXXX

“I have a headache from reading these reports. I know stuff is missing. We only have a readout from someone named Nebula regarding what happened to Peter Prime.” Afia told the group.

“Which was bad enough," Peter mumbled under his breath, which resulted in both Flash and MJ putting an arm around him. Everybody was unsettled about that. All of them ended up dust in the other timeline — even Ned. Of his wider circle of school friends, only Cindy Moon and Cecily O'Reilly survived the decimation. (Liz survived too, but she is more Flash’s friend because she’s never going to forgive him for his part in her dad getting arrested.) Although in the other timeline, Cecily was still going by Seymour at the time of the decimation. Maybe it took longer for her to come out as transgender in the other timeline.

“I can understand why your father wouldn't want to write about me dying in his arms. I don't think I want to read an account of me dying in his arms.” Peter tells the group, trying not to think about the other timeline, but it was hard.

“I completely agree,” MJ said from beside him, almost sounding like she was near tears. “It was bad enough reading about my cousin being dusted in Wakanda.” He felt her shiver. It was apparent she wasn’t okay. None of them were.

“Although now we know that Robin's drawings were a version of one future,” Shuri said from across.

“Hopefully, not ours,” Flash mumbled from beside him.

“Which is why we're reading these reports trying to figure out where things went wrong,” MJ spoke.

“I think the biggest thing was Shield being in pieces and The Avengers not being on speaking terms. We've already fixed that. We actually have almost triple the number of Avengers along with the Puerto Rico squad.” Afia told everyone.

“This Thanos guy that’s coming literally ripped Yo Yo's arms off, and she bled to death during the chaos in Mack’s arms before he was dusted. Thanos killed Loki. The guy responsible for the chaos that was New York and this purple ass hole just broke his neck. How are we going to win against this?” Peter could hear the worry in Flash’s voice as he spoke. He responded by pulling closer to him. They all needed the contact right now.

“By not doing what they did.” The Princess answered matter-of-factly.

“We're ahead of where they were right now. We already managed to get the stone out of Vision’s head.” Afia told them.

"So, at least here I won't be trying to do that during the middle of a battle,” Shuri added.

“Wait, you guys already did that?” MJ asked, surprised.

“I guess we never told you guys what we did last summer in Wakanda?” Afia asked the group. They all shook their head no.

“It’s safe in a pocket dimension. So instead of being ripped out of Vision's head in front of Wanda after she's forced to destroy the stone, we can just keep it secure in a top-secret location. I don’t even know where my cousin stashed it.” Afia explained.

"Which is for your own safety because if you knew, Thanos would stop at nothing to get that information from you." The Princess answered solemnly.

“Why didn't you just destroy the Infinity stone?” Flash asked. “If it’s gone, the purple ass hole can’t use it to wipe us all out. We know that Wanda can destroy it. She did so in the other timeline before the purple one reversed it.”

“Robin told us not to,” Afia answered.
.
“So, you do everything a six-year-old tells you to do?” MJ asked.

“A six-year-old that can see the pathways of the future.” The Princess added.

“Although it's kind of Star Wars-ish. The future is always in motion.” Afia told the group.

“Or at the whim of the writer,” MJ mumbled under breath.

“It's more like the director.” Flash corrected before Ana interrupted.

“You should know that Agent FitzSimmons is currently in the elevator asking for access to this floor.” The AI told the group.

“You know they’re always allowed in here.” The Princess answered, and at that, Ana opened the elevator. Although instead of seeing Fitz or Simmons exit the elevator, Peter saw their alternate timeline guest.

“You are not the Agent Fitzsimons I was expecting.” The Princess spoke aloud.

“So, this is where all the cool people are.” The man remarked.

“Is there something that you need?” Afia asked.

“Ana said this is where I could find food and not have to interact with my grandparents or step-grandparent. This morning was weird enough. Simmons invited me to their anniversary party after the Lighthouse tour. I can’t deal with that again right now.” Everyone looked at him very strangely.

“Yes, I’m older than my grandparents. Time travel is weird, especially when you do it again and get trapped in a different alternate timeline.” The visitor told them.

“Extremely weird, Agent Fitzsimmons. You can help yourself to the kitchen down here.” Shuri pointed to a room down the hall.

“I can completely understand wanting to avoid problematic family members," Flash mumbled under his breath as Deke went to grab some leftover pizza from the kitchen. There was plenty left because no one really felt like eating as they started to study what happened in the other timeline.

“Or perspective step-parents. My aunt is currently dating my professor right now, which is weird.” He can’t explain it, but Olivia makes his body tingle and not in a safe way like Flash and MJ. He has no idea why.

“I can't believe your aunt is dating Professor Octavius," MJ added.

“Neither can I. I think this might be her rebound. God, I hope so.” Honestly, he would’ve preferred Happy even though it kind of freaked him out a little bit. Happy never made his whole-body tingle.

"See, I knew there would be people down here that would understand." The man said, coming back in with chips, two slices of cold pizza, and a soda. Apparently, he heard their conversation from the kitchen. “Also, stop with the agent stuff. Just call me Deke. I’m not actually an agent. I am a consultant from Stark Industries.”

“And she is the heir apparent of Stark Industries, so I think we're good," Flash answered flippantly, pointing to Afia. "Does that kinda make you his boss or him, my boss?”

“Maybe not in this timeline, and I’m just one of the heirs. Peter is also an SI heir along with the Fitz Brothers. I'm sure Flash has a trust fund with a lot of SI stock in it. Also, I think Pepper is grooming him for something big at the company. She's already planning to take him to look at various business schools.” Afia joked. Although not really because Peter knew he was an actual heir apparent to Stark industries. He still couldn’t believe that.

“As long as I stay sober, it matures when I turn 25," Flash tells the group.

“How long have you been sober?” Deke asked, curious.

“10 months. We are immensely proud.” MJ said as she squeezed Flash’s hand again. Peter is just going to ignore the fact that his cheeks are getting red again with the additional contact. You think the spider bite would give him the power to keep that from happening.

“That's good. What program did you use? AA? Or did you go to a rehab center? Do you have a sponsor?” Deke asked, and Flash just kind of sputtered for a moment, not sure how to respond.

“It’s probably rude to ask those questions. However, I've been trying to find a program for my Nana. She hasn't been the same since my Grandpa Bobo died. Although he didn't really die. He was just bounced back to the past, created a new timeline, and is now sleeping with Hunter. Because of course, the guy couldn't just be a twig in the stream."

“That must be hard on you," Afia said sympathetically.

“Very hard, and it's worse now seeing the happy version of her," Deke told the group. "I'm not even mad at Bobo because if you find yourself in a strange time, you survive by whatever means necessary. I just don’t need to see that survival right now.”

“Which is why you are coming down here for food,” MJ suggested just as Peter’s phone beeped again with another message from May.

XXXX

Number one May: Since I now know some of what's going on, I'm going with Miles and the Khans to the Malta house for a while. The Barton children may join us if Tony can work it out with their dad. I’m happy I took the job at the Stark foundation now so I can disappear for a month without having to clear it with the boss.

Number one May: Tony and Steve are in charge. Do what they say. Stay safe.

Peter P: We will.

Number one May: Don’t forget to use protection. I don’t need grandbabies yet, and nobody wants chlamydia. Trust me.

XXXX

Of course, when Peter looked up from his phone, everybody, especially Deke, was staring at him.

“Sorry, my aunt texted, and I had to respond. Tony convinced her to relocate to the Malta compound for a while.”

“Which is good because Thanos and his factions managed to destroy several blocks anywhere near an Avenger in the other timeline,” MJ remarked, looking up from her Stark pad.

“I totally understand wanting to text your family. I wish I could talk to my Nana right now. I’m just so worried about her. She probably went right to the wine when I disappeared. It’s her answer for everything.”

“What if you could?” Shuri asked.

“What?" Deke looked at her, puzzled as he spoke.

"I've been studying how Friday 2023 managed to transmit all the data to us, along with your research. Although I think we would need the Pym particles that we don't have to send you back, I think we can send a message without them.” The Princess explained.

“So, I'll be able to check up on my Nana?” Deke asked, hopeful.

“Yes, but I need time to finish working on it.” Shuri cautioned.

“I could help. I am actually the chief creative officer.” Deke told the group.

"I thought it was Head of R&D?" MJ asked for clarification.

“It changes periodically depending on what mood Tony is in. HR hates it.” Deke remarks.

“He’s probably doing it just to mess with them. Some things are universal,” Afia mumbled under breath.

“That would be useful because I have some questions about your notes. However, there are some other things we need clarification on.” Shuri said before turning things over to Afia.

“We know in your timeline that Thanos shows up in a month and kicks everybody’s ass. We don't want that to happen, so we're trying to figure out what went wrong, and it feels like we’re still missing some things.” Afia explained.

“I thought you said Friday’s sent you everything?” Deke asked, puzzled.

“Yes, but we don't understand why the reports about what happened in Asgard are from someone named the Valkyrie and Bruce Banner of all people. What was he doing in Asgard? I don’t know because I’m not even allowed to look at the reports. Why isn’t there anything from Thor?” MJ asked. He knew MJ was most concerned with what happened in Asgard because her cousin was now involved.

“Nobody wants to talk about their sister killing most of their people and then their brother subsequently getting his neck snapped by Thanos not that long after that.”

“What the hell happened in the other timeline?” Flash asked as he turned his attention to MJ. She was not okay at all.

“A lot," Deke answered.

“We’ll figure out how to do things differently here.” He whispered to MJ. Flash got up from the couch, motioning for Peter to scoot over. MJ followed so that Flash could sit beside her on the other side so he could wrap an arm around her.

“Why is she so upset?”

“Her cousin Daisy is with Thor and Loki right now. So, we are concerned." The Princess explained.

“I didn’t know Daisy had other family outside of her dad.”

“We didn’t either until about a year ago. I just want to know what’s going on with my cousin. Can you help with that?” MJ asked.

“Anything for a Daisy.” Deke readily agreed to help.

To be continued

Chapter Text

Morgan's dad: Are you doing anything right now?

Steve: I'm just making lunch. Which you should join us for. You can't work on an empty stomach; you must leave Bruce's lab sometime. You've been there since you've got here. Have you even slept?

Morgan's dad: Yes, there is a couch here, and Laura brought me a granola bar yesterday. I think this is Simmons's lab. Which is evident from the minibar that I'm asking you to help me get rid of. I think this is phase 1 of the intervention that Laura from the "good" timeline is planning to do. Apparently, we all need lots of intervention.

Steve: It could be Deke's bar. If it's mostly Zima, it's his. He does work here a lot. That's all he'll drink because Simmons won’t touch it.

Morgan’s dad: I know and no. Although, I understand why he prefers to work here as opposed to the SI lab space. Which is entirely understandable. Also, I doubt the Zima thing is true. If she’s this far gone, you need to worry about the hand sanitizer. I would know.

Steve: Point. The food will be done cooking in 20 minutes. You can eat a sandwich, as I take care of the alcohol. I can move it up to the bar in the main living area.

Morgan’s dad: Or lock it in one of the safes. I need Simmons with just enough alcohol in her system to prevent withdrawal, so she can help.

Morgan’s dad: Also, you don't have to bring me food. I do know how to cook now. I don't live on protein bars and smoothies alone anymore. The nonalcoholic kind, I'm not the mom from Hey Arnold.

Steve: Kamala and Robin love that show. Robin told me lots of grilled cheese, and tomato soup is usually involved at your house for lunch. Which incidentally is what I’m making.

Morgan’s dad: Grilled cheese on homemade bread, and the tomato soup is fresh from scratch. I grow our tomatoes myself. I have become quite the culinary mine.

Steve: I know. Robin told me. She's usually more talkative after coming back from the cabin. It's good for her. I'm a little worried her only friend, outside of her sister, is almost 8 years younger than her, but it’s been good.

Morgan’s dad: I’m glad Morgan has a friend even if she is nearly 8 years older than her. She’s almost like a big sister. This is good because, as you probably know, being an only child is lonely.

Steve: Being raised an only child is difficult. It would’ve been a lot worse for me if I didn’t have Bucky.

Morgan’s dad: That reminds me to let you know that Pepper had Hunter bring the kids to the city to stay with her at the penthouse. We thought it was best since we don't know precisely how long it will take me to decipher Simmons’s notes to figure out what the fuck she did. Are you okay with that? I should've asked you that last night, but I got in the zone.

Steve: That makes sense. It’s fine. I trust Pepper. Have you made any progress at all?

Morgan’s dad: I already know how to get back to the past. Deke was copying my theories, and that’s what he used to build the time watch. It should’ve taken him to our past, not other Laura’s present.

Steve: Yet, somehow, it did?

Morgan’s dad: From what I can make out of her notes, the monolith particles were somehow involved like you originally theorized. That is something I know nothing about because Simmons was doing all the research on that. Unfortunately, her notes are very incoherent—lots of stuff about doctors, butterflies, and somebody named Flint. Who is Flint?

Steve: Flint was the name of the Inhuman that put the White monolith back together in the alternate 2091 that allowed everybody to come back.

Morgan’s dad: [Exasperated emoji]

Steve: I can understand how that can be difficult.

Morgan’s dad: Difficult is getting your 4-year-old to fall asleep when her best friend stays over. This feels impossible.

Steve: I thought you didn't believe in the impossible?

Morgan’s dad: That was before I saw half the world disappear. I'm a bit more grounded now. I really want to know what she did.

Steve: Have you tried talking to Clint? Maybe he knows something. I know he hasn’t left the compound yet.

Morgan’s dad: Widow already tried and got nothing. Although they did eat half of Hunter's cookies. I could really use one of those cookies right now.

Steve: You can't have your nanny come up here to bring us more cookies.

Morgan’s dad: It’s on the way back from Pepper’s.

Steve: No. Also, shouldn't he stay with Pepper? That way, it's not two against one.

Morgan’s dad: You're no fun at all. I hate it when you are logical.

Steve: I’ll make you some brownies later.

Morgan’s dad: Now you’re talking. Your brownies are better than hunters cookies but don’t tell him that.

Steve: Never. Do you think that maybe Clint would tell Laura?

Morgan’s dad: Possibly. On the one hand, she's incredibly good at getting you to talk about things that you may not otherwise talk about.

Steve: This is true.

Morgan’s dad: On the other hand, Clint is avoiding her, and it's tough to talk to somebody who is actively avoiding you. Although Laura said she would try.

Steve: This is true.

Morgan’s dad: So why have you been avoiding me for the last five years?

Steve: You’re very blunt sometimes. It’s unnerving.

Morgan’s dad: Sometimes, you need to be. It’s a skill I got from the business world. Still, I would like for you to answer the question.

Steve: I don't know. Maybe it’s a combination of shame and guilt. I wasn’t there when you needed me, and we lost. If I just swallowed my pride earlier, maybe it wouldn't have happened.

Morgan’s dad: You know I’m glad that you’re at least willing to say that much. I shouldn’t have said what I said to you when I got back. I was wrong. I was just lashing out, and I’m sorry.

Steve: No, you were right. It was the wrong time to ask you about what happened. You weren’t well, and you lost someone you really cared about. I’m the one that needs to be sorry, and I am.

Morgan’s dad: It’s okay. It was the wrong time, but I understand why you were so frantic. Although, I really wasn’t in the mood for you to go on another suicide mission.

Steve: I realize that too. Again, I’m sorry.

Morgan’s dad: Two apologies back to back. I’m going to have Friday frame this.

Steve: So, what are we going to do?

Morgan’s dad: Get Laura back home. I don’t think any of us intended for this to become a time kidnapping.

Morgan’s dad: Except for apparently Simmons.

Steve: True. After that?

Morgan’s dad: You tell me. We will have time travel perfected. Your time heist can continue as planned. Although, please no more time kidnappings. Laura’s lovely, but still no.

Steve: I don't know. We don't exactly have a lot of the Pym particles. Deke tried to reverse engineer the particles, but I’m not sure how far he got.

Morgan’s dad: That might be another reason why he is now in an alternate timeline 2018 instead of our 2018.

Steve: Possibly.

Morgan’s dad: Unfortunately, I can't look at his notes because Friday won't let me.

Steve: Have you asked your AI why you can't have access?

Morgan’s dad: I'm afraid to ask too many questions when Deke is involved. Plausible deniability is always best with him.

Steve: I think it’s time for you to ask anyway.

Morgan’s dad: You may be right. Hey princess, why can't I access the Deke files?

Friday: Unfortunately, Sir, I cannot give you access because I do not have access to those files at this time.

Morgan’s dad: You have access to all Stark employees' work, and Deke is a Stark employee.

Friday: I no longer have access to that information because it was transferred to Ana Jr. I purposely chose not to make a backup copy.

Steve: Who is Ana Jr.?

Friday: Ana Jr. is the name of the AI in charge of the Avengers and ATCU data networks.

Steve: I thought Friday oversees the Avenger network?

Morgan’s dad: Not our network, but she oversees Laura’s network. In what year is this Ana situated in?

Friday: 2018

Morgan’s dad: I'm assuming the other 2018?

Friday: Yes. I sent this information to her so that she could help those Avengers. In exchange, she provided me with a list of everything her Avengers are doing to mitigate Thanos. They managed to remove the Mind Stone from Vision’s head in summer of 2017. It is currently being kept in an undisclosed location.

Steve: They were definitely one step ahead of us. I wonder why they didn’t destroy it?

Morgan’s dad: That’s good for us, though. When we dropped Laura back, do you think the other Avengers will let us borrow it?

Steve: Tony, if we remove the mind stone from Laura’s timeline, does that mean that Thanos 2018 cannot complete the gauntlet? Therefore, he won't wipe out half of the universe there.

Morgan’s dad: I fucking love you. Sometimes, you are a genius. Why didn’t I think of that?

Morgan’s dad: That's precisely what that means. I think we can do this together.

Steve: We always do better when we are together.

Morgan’s dad: Ain’t that the truth. Thankfully for us, the other Avengers are better at cooperation. Laura says it’s the group therapy.

Steve: I’m coming over to you so we can have grilled cheese and strategize.

Morgan’s dad: Perfect. I think we might be able to do this.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Tony Potts: So good news, I had lunch with Capt. Tight Pants. It did not end in bloodshed or one of us running out of the room crying.

Counselor Laura: I consider that excellent progress.

Tony Potts: I also was not tempted to break into the lab liquor supply that Steve locked up.

Counselor Laura: Also, for the best. Have you made any progress with the Simmons notes?

Tony Potts: No. Also, baby girl Friday decided to send everything to your 2018. Apparently, Steve's baby girl Robin told her to because, of course, Robin is calling the shots right now.

Counselor Laura: That makes sense. And let me guess, she didn't make a copy?

Tony Potts: Robin told her not to.

Counselor Laura: Not surprised.

Tony Potts: Although Capt. Tight Pants did have a brilliant idea. When we miraculously manage to drop you off, we also pick up the stone that your team already managed to get out of Vision's head.

Counselor Laura: Which will give you guys a head start on putting the gauntlet back together again.

Tony Potts: Better, the purple one can't put his magical glove together if it's here.

Counselor Laura: Which means he can't wipe out half of the universe.

Tony Potts: He can still fuck things up being his charming self, but it's harder without the gauntlet. Although even one stone by itself can be dangerous.

Counselor Laura: Clint told me. He didn't enjoy getting mind fucked by one of the stones.

Tony Potts: After experiencing the same thing from Wanda, I get it.

Counselor Laura: You don't see her as your daughter-in-law in this timeline, do you?

Tony Potts: Considering what happened to Vision here, it's probably better for my mental health not to. She was also a victim of the decimation.

Counselor Laura: Shit. So much was lost.

Tony Potts: That's not going to happen to you because we are going to play keep away with the stones. The fewer he has, the easier it will be for your Avengers to take care of him.

Counselor Laura: As soon as you figure out how to send me back. Will I even get back in time to make a difference? It's already been a week.

Tony Potts: That doesn't matter. We could just plop you back in your own timeline seconds after you disappeared.

Counselor Laura: So, we have all the time in the universe to plan this, right?

Tony Potts: Exactly. We can even get some reinforcements. Nebula and Rocket may come to join us. Also, if things work with Simmons, maybe you can go to Norway for an intervention. Storm Breaker would be good to have.

Counselor Laura: Why would I be needed for an intervention in Norway?

Tony Potts: So, have you talked to you're not a husband yet? The sooner we get any information he has, the sooner we can begin Operation: Infinite Keep Away.

Counselor Laura: Congratulations, your avoidance is just as apparent as Dr. Tony Stark Rogers.

Tony Potts: I try.

Counselor Laura: Unfortunately, every day I've been here since Clint found out that I'm Laura from alternate 2018, he's been avoiding me. I think Friday has been helping him.

Friday: I have not been helping your not-a-husband avoid you.

Counselor Laura: I don't believe you. If you're anything like my Friday, you're good at meddling in interpersonal relationships. It hasn't got better since she became an LMD. I'm sure she's currently conspiring to get Flash, MJ, and Peter in a poly relationship.

Tony Potts: Flash and Peter??? What the actual fuck!

Tony Potts: I thought you were from the "good" timeline, but now I'm wondering.

Counselor Laura: It turns out Flash's previous behavior was a combination of pulling pigtail syndrome and internalized homophobia.

Tony Potts: That's never a good combination. Do you know about Tiberius?

Counselor Laura: The asshole responsible for the nonconsensual sex tape? Please tell me he was one of the people that were dusted.

Tony Potts: No such luck.

Counselor Laura: It's never the assholes. Afia, or rather Friday as an LMD teenager, helped Flash work through his issues.

Tony Potts: Which is good. Did I end up being Flash's foster parent because he got kicked out for being gay?

Counselor Laura: Something like that. If we successfully bring him back here, you need to get him out of that house. He can't stay there. It's toxic for him. Unfortunately, Flash takes out his issues on other people. Even though he's 18 now, he might feel stuck there coming back from this.

Tony Potts: Okay, that I understand, at least. Your world scares me.

Counselor Laura: Your world scares me.

Tony Potts: Now I'm going to push you into the world and tell you to text message you're not a husband.

Counselor Laura: I'm not sure how to start that conversation.

Tony Potts: Invite him to the all-hands meeting we're doing tomorrow. Steve said he will make brownies, the turtle type.

Counselor Laura: We're doing an all-hands meeting? The last one ended with Simmons throwing up on my shoes.

Tony Potts: We kind of need to. We need to come up with a map of where all the other stones are when we drop you home. It will be fine. We have already hidden most of the liquor.

Counselor Laura: That could make things worse. Withdrawal sucks.

Tony Potts: Especially if you are me and end up doing it during near-death experiences.

Counselor Laura: You must want to change. I don't think Simmons is ready yet.

Tony Potts: You're right, but maybe if this works and we bring back frozen Fitz, she will feel like she has a reason to try. At a minimum, we should get back her grandson.

Counselor Laura: That still confuses me greatly. You're right, I'll go invite Clint to the meeting. We are ordering pizza. That should entice him if the brownies are not enough.

Tony Potts: See, you're making progress already.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Chief Mechanic: According to Ana, you are still working through the files that came over with the grandkid. I would ask how that’s going, but probably badly.

Chief Mechanic: This means that you’re up to check up on why the kids are still in the labs at 2 AM. Ana just had to wake me up after a beautiful night of catching up with my fiancé because it’s 2 AM, and my child hasn’t even attempted a sleep cycle yet.

Chief Monkey Lover: That’s an Ana job.

Chief Monkey Lover: Is there a reason why I can’t access anything regarding Simmons? Along with Deke’s report from yesterday. Ana told me he wrote one.

Chief Mechanic: Ana doesn’t have access to the cameras in lab six because the Princess is blocking her. Which has me worried. I know all the kids are down there, including Flash and MJ. Also, your grandkid is there. Earlier, Ana said they bonded over dysfunctional families.

Chief Monkey Lover: Please do not refer to him as my grandchild.

Chief Mechanic: DNA test don’t lie.

Chief Monkey Lover: Then, at worst, he’s my great-nephew. I am with Hunter. He’s also older than me.

Chief Mechanic: Hunter, did your boy say he was too young to be a grandfather?

Hunter: Yes, more than once. I don’t know why he’s freaking out. I don’t think he’s a bad person to have as a step grandkid. I like him.

Chief Monkey Lover: Grandnephew. I told you about what happened in the other timeline.

Hunter: That you thought he died sending you all back to 2018.

Hunter: For the guy not in the room, Leo just threatened to withhold sex and threw a pillow at me. He is cranky when he only gets three hours of sleep. He was too stressed out to sleep past 1:30 AM.

Chief Mechanic: That threat never works. I don’t think Deke is a horrible person to have as grandkid/grandnephew. The kid is annoying. I’ll give you that, but he has grown on me a little after I read his report.

Chief Mechanic: I still want more details about how he ended up Chief Creative Officer at SI. I think Pepper 2023 might be in Mrs. Robinson mode again after reading between the lines. Although I am quite sure this guy won’t fuck around with an overrated YA actress.

Chief Monkey Lover: Unfortunately, I can’t read that report because Ana will not let me access it. What do you not want me to know?

Chief Monkey Lover: Is Simmons dead in the other timeline? Did she disappear during the Decimation? A lot of my friends were wiped out of existence, including Daisy, Bobbi, and Mack.

Hunter: If you're trying to soften the blow, you maybe could've kept me from reading about my ex-wife disappearing in other me's arms. I didn’t want to read that account from my other-self. That you could’ve blocked.

Chief Mechanic: No, she did not disappear during the Decimation. I didn’t know that there were accounts from Hunter prime in there.

Chief Monkey Lover: Good.

XXXX
Hunter: I’m taking this off of group chat because I know you’re hiding something.

Hunter: What are you not telling my boyfriend? Because he is worried. That’s why he had trouble sleeping and is up reading files at 2 AM, which means I’m up at 2 AM, and not for the right reasons.

Hunter: Locking him out of specific files didn’t help that. You can’t keep the truth from people. I didn’t mean it when I said that I wish you would’ve blocked me from finding out about Bobbi. I’m glad I know the truth. Although I wish I didn’t stumble across it reading another Hunter’s diary. He really should know better than to store that on the Stark server.

Chief Mechanic: I wasn’t trying to keep the truth from Leo. I wanted to have a conversation in person about it. It was going to be tonight until Jeffrey decided we just had to do a bunch of talk shows in the morning. We need the world to love us since we are about to go up against a genocidal purple alien.

Chief Mechanic: I would’ve handed the Hunter diaries to you personally in the morning if I thought that reports from Hunter would be on there. He really should know about the server. I didn’t want Leo to stumble upon it accidentally like you did. Ana already told me about the kids freaking out about finding out all of them were victims of the Decimation.

Hunter: All of them?

Chief Mechanic: Yes. Even BITC and May. Aunt May not Agent Scary.

Chief Mechanic: Agent Scary survived, but lost most of the team, buried Phil again, and married Steve. That May also adopted a bunch of Inhuman kids to keep them out of the system and probably away from whatever evil things Ross was trying to pull off. Who knows what that man could be doing? Perhaps something just this side of super-villainy.

Chief Mechanic: Although I heard my platypus is Vice President. I’m so proud. I hope he's mitigating the damage.

Hunter: Shit. What about me? I know he survived because I read about what happened to Bobbi.

Chief Mechanic: In addition to obviously being alive, the other Hunter is apparently my nanny. I'm not even sure how that happened. That’s probably why his diary was on the Stark server.

Hunter: I'm fantastic with kids. I volunteer at Midtown all the time. The children love me.

Chief Mechanic: Because you’re less terrifying than Agent America. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that I have a biological child. You know, made the old-fashioned way.

Hunter: Not you, other you.

Chief Mechanic: It's still hard wrapping my mind around it. I'm sterile. I've accepted that, or at least I thought I did.

Hunter: So why can't my boyfriend know what happened to Simmons?

Chief Mechanic: I really feel like you should call him husband. You don't wanna slip up in public. Jane would kill you.

Hunter: Stark!

Chief mechanic: That reminds me that Aunt May is going to Malta with Ms. Marvel’s family because things will get dangerous very soon. I would like them out of the blast zone. It won't change things if the snap happens, but Yo-Yo prime died during the battle in the other timeline. I would like to avoid more of those sorts of casualties.

Hunter: Was Simmons one of those casualties? Did she die during the battle or at some other time?

Chief Mechanic: She's still alive in 2023. Although I wouldn’t exactly refer to her as well.

Hunter: What does that even mean?

Ana Jr: Deke inquired about what program Flash utilized to reach the 10-month sobriety mark. He needs advice on how to deal with his Nana’s alcoholism.

Chief Mechanic: Oh, now you talk. Are they really in lab six? Are they doing science without me? Or are they just having an orgy? It feels weird that I prefer the orgy. That means they’re doing standard teenage stuff and not preparing for an apocalypse that I can’t protect them from.

Ana Jr.: They are working on an enhanced communications project. They're trying to get a message to Agent Johnson.

Chief Mechanic: OK, now I know that I want you and the husband to check on the kids.

Hunter: You don’t want Leo to find out that Simmons fell apart without him? That’s why you’re hiding everything from him, including Deke’s notes, that might be extremely useful.

Chief Mechanic: Not hiding but deciding the best way to tell him in person. Obviously, that's not working, so I’m just going to unlock everything. You might want to have one of the therapists on standby for this.

Chief Mechanic: I just didn’t want your husband to second-guess his choice not to go back to the other timeline or at least his decision not to find a way to get back to that timeline.

Hunter: Too late. Leo has been second-guessing his choices since he got here. What do you think led to his extended stay in mental health rehab? Or the fact that he had to take the Stark industries job because it would be less stressful.

Chief Mechanic: I'm still amazed by the fact that a job at SI is considered less stressful. The SI board is worse than Congress. Although I never missed out on fiancé fun time due to having to brief the president.

Hunter: I’m sure he made up for it by now.

Chief Mechanic: Twice, it would’ve been three times, but I’m old.

Hunter: It's not as bad now since most of the worst board members are gone, thanks to the Pride fiasco last summer. However, I don't think needing to prepare for an alien invasion was ever part of your duties at Stark Industries. It is less stressful.

Chief Mechanic: Actually, yes. After the Battle of New York, we wrote a bunch of contingency plans. It's also why we started working on the upstate campus right away, and we never fully moved everybody into the tower like initially planned. I felt like we would be less likely to deal with another alien invasion at the new campus. The board was furious at the time. Not so much now that we're making a lot of money leasing the tower to the federal government for the ATCU.

Hunter: You really are a futurist.

Chief Mechanic: It pays to be prepared.

Hunter: Let me prepare Leo for what's going to happen. Because he's going to have to interact with Deke. They can't keep just glaring at each other from across the room. Simmons invited him to the anniversary party. It's been rescheduled.

Chief Mechanic: Of course, she did. I suggest telling her to reschedule it until after the Apocalypse.

Hunter: To avoid this Apocalypse, we both know that Leo will have to work with the grandkid. At a minimum, we want Laura back.

Chief Mechanic: I hate it when you have a point. You already know about the alcoholism from Ana. We are going to have to look at your protocols about keeping secrets.

Ana Jr: Of course, Sir.

Chief Mechanic: I already must deal with one sassy teenager. I don't need another.

Hunter: I thought it was up to six at last count.

Chief Mechanic: Five, BITC’s not allowed over anymore.

Chief Mechanic: Anyway, Simmons did not handle Leo's apparent death very well or apparently at all, according to Daisy's log entries before the snap. She was in denial about it. She kept saying that as soon as they were done, they would go and get the Fitz in space, and everything would be fine. Especially when she found out about the grandkid.

Hunter: Then, the purple one came?

Chief Mechanic: Yes, and then everything went to shit. Although at least the Earth was still in one piece. I guess that's the timeline that Monkey Lover two was trying to avoid.

Hunter: Yes.

Chief Mechanic: So, after that, Simmons and the grandkid join a group called Guardians of the Galaxy to look for Monkey Lover 3.

Chief Mechanic: That’s a pretentious name for a group of superheroes.

Hunter: They found dust?

Chief Mechanic: Yes. Apparently, she became obsessed with time travel and bringing back Fitz as well as working her way through the compound alcohol supply.

Hunter: Which Fitz was she trying to bring back?

Chief Mechanic: Honestly, either. I don’t think she cared which. The other Avengers were trying to get the stones, and she turned it into a mission to get Fitz back. At least that’s what Deke told Ana. He’s not exactly happy with his Nana.

Hunter: You don't want Leo to know all of that?

Chief Mechanic: I want to tell him myself when we arrive tomorrow or rather later today at this point. Although I'm sure he just read all of this over your shoulder because I would totally be doing that with Stevie bear.

Chief Mechanic: Actually, Stevie bear is reading this over my shoulder completely naked. He may have been the one who made me unlock everything for the Chief Monkey Lover. Not for the kids. I really wish I could be doing things with him instead of having to have this conversation with you.

Hunter: Leo just got into Deke’s report, which is apparently a transcript of the conversation he had with Ana.

Chief Mechanic: You might want to read that yourself.

Hunter: Did you know that other me is sleeping with other Simmons? Apparently, they have an arrangement.

Chief Mechanic: So that’s what arrangement meant.

XX

“You’re mad at me?” Hunter asked Leo after sending his last message to Tony. He was not expecting Leo to lean over their bed and kiss him.

“Not for taking care of her when I couldn’t be there. I’m never going to be mad at you for doing that. I’m just mad at myself.”

“You didn’t know how time travel actually worked. You thought you were just earlier in the timeline.” Hunter placed a reassuring arm around Leo, pulling him closer to him.

“Two days ago, Dr. Strange asked me if I wanted to go back, and I said no. I wanted to stay here with you. I love you.” The words were punctuated with yet another kiss.

“Don’t feel guilty about that. Especially because apparently there is already another you there.” Hunter feels awful for being so happy about that, but there was another Leo, so he could keep his.

“Who was a victim of the decimation,” Leo groaned.

“We’ll fix that. Then the recently undusted you can have a poly relationship with other me and Simmons. It's good that you and Simmons have similar taste in men.” Leo laughed at his words. “And I know you will fix this as soon as you go through the notes.”

“I just wish I could talk to her to explain.”

“Maybe you will,” Hunter kissed Leo once more. “Now, put the Stark pad down and let me relax you so you will sleep for a few more hours.” Before he could successfully push down Leo’s boxers, Hunter’s hand was pushed away.”

“Actually, I think we should go down to check on the kids.”

“It’s almost nearly 3 AM, and I feel like I need to tuck you into bed again. Ana, are they working on anything dangerous down there?” Hunter was hoping the AI would tell them that there was nothing they needed to worry about.

“They are currently trying to create a trans-dimensional communication device.” With those words, Hunter knew there wouldn't be any more sex that night.

“I’ll just go put on a shirt,” Hunter sighed in acquiescence.

“And maybe some pants.”
To be continued...

Chapter Text

Counselor Laura: Hey, we are doing another all-hands meeting tonight. Steve is making turtle brownies, and I’m ordering pizza. Tell me what toppings you want.

Counselor Laura: Yes, from your favorite place. Like I would order pizza from anywhere else.

Counselor Laura: Good news after the awkwardness of two days ago, Steve and Tony managed to have lunch together yesterday. Better yet, they came up with an idea to keep half of my reality from going poof and help your reality undo the damage of the purple one here.

Purple Arrow: I don’t think it’s possible to undo that damage.

Counselor Laura: Trust me, I know. What happened is going to leave many scars that are going to have to be worked through. So much therapy is going to be required for everyone.

Purple Arrow: Someone told you about the kids?

Counselor Laura: Yes. Friday told me.

Purple Arrow: I thought Friday was banned from telling you stuff?

Counselor Laura: Telling me about the kids caused me to pass out.

Purple Arrow: That would do it.

Counselor Laura: You know, I’m personally surprised that you’re still responding. It’s not nice having your husband avoid you for a week. I’m proud this conversation has lasted this long.

Purple Arrow: I’m not actually your husband.

Counselor Laura: You’re a version of him. Just like I’m a version of your Laura. It’s just maybe at some point, I took a different path.

Purple Arrow: Maybe not the best version. Has Friday told you about what I’ve been doing over the last five years?

Counselor Laura: Honestly, I haven’t asked. I figured if you wanted me to know, you would tell me. I’ve been focusing on how to get back to my own timeline and what to do when I get there.

Purple Arrow: How’s that going? Stark and Rogers had a breakthrough?

Counselor Laura: Well, they had a breakthrough on what to do when I get back to keep this from all happening again. Once we figure out how to get me back to my own time, you’re going to take the stones we can access and keep them here until we can take out the purple one.

Purple Arrow: Good plan. Make sure to go for the head.

Counselor Laura: I will remember that. The problem is we need to get me back. That’s not going well at all. Robin convinced Friday to send all of Deke’s notes to the other timeline.

Purple Arrow: Who is Robin?

Counselor Laura: In this timeline, Steve and May’s adoptive daughter. She is an Inhuman that can see the future or at least possible potential futures. In my timeline, she is Bucky’s soon to be stepdaughter. He’s planning to get married in the fall. If we survive that long.

Purple Arrow: I didn’t know about the adoption. I’m not here a lot, and maybe they didn’t want to mention their kid around me.

Counselor Laura: Maybe. The notes that Tony does have don’t make a lot of sense. He can’t ask Simmons because she’s mostly been in the framework since she threw up on my shoes. She’s also mad at us for hiding the liquor.

Purple Arrow: Understandable. So just another day at the Avenger Compound.

Counselor Laura: It feels that way. Look, we need you at the meeting this time. We know that you were with Simmons while she was working on her plan. You can tell us what she was working on.

Purple Arrow: And she can’t? I thought she started talking last time?

Counselor Laura: As I mentioned earlier, Simmons has spent most of her time in the framework, probably because she doesn’t want to answer questions.

Purple Arrow: You already mentioned that most of the notes are missing, and what you do have is not understandable. Really Stark can’t understand it?

Counselor Laura: It’s tough to understand the musings of a drunk scientist even if you’re a recovering alcoholic with multiple Ph. D.s. Ones that are useful, not like the seven that Bruce has. Seriously, pick a lane.

Purple Arrow: You said the same thing before, or rather, my Laura did.

Counselor Laura: Look, I know you’re mad at me because I’m here and she’s not. I get that, but if you help, maybe we can get her and the babies back.

Purple Arrow: I’m not mad for that reason. I’m not mad at you anyway. I’m just angry at the world.

Counselor Laura: As soon as you found out I wasn’t your Laura, you can’t even be in the room with me. I’ve been trying to talk to you for days, and you keep avoiding me. How am I supposed to take that?

Purple Arrow: It’s not about that. You don’t know what I’ve done these last five years. I’m not a good person. I’ve never really been a good person, but now there’s too much blood to even pretend.

Counselor Laura: I’ve never seen you as perfect. I’ve always known who you were, maybe even better now because I’m an agent. You must live in the gray in this job. I don’t know what you did because you haven’t told me. However, your other self served me with divorce papers and then went dark to take out Ross. Therefore, it’s going to be difficult for you to shock me at this point.

Purple arrow: So, my other self took out Ross? I’m surprised I haven’t done that yet. I should’ve done it when I dealt with the Watchdogs.

Counselor Laura: He got his daughter to come clean about his Inhuman racism. In addition to the various extramarital affairs. From there, all the illegal spending came out, and he had no choice but to resign as Secretary of State. OIG is still dealing with all his dirty laundry from his tenure at State.

Counselor Laura: He’s been making a fuss on the various talk shows and podcasts. He’s a regular of JJ Jameson, but he’s mostly neutered at this point. We have more significant problems.

Purple Arrow: Political assassination, not actual assassination. Also, that explains why the POTUS fired the OIG in our timeline before the snap. Thankfully, he was snapped.

Counselor Laura: Yes. What did you think happened? A bullet to the skull?

Purple Arrow: Or cutting his head clean off.

Counselor Laura: That seems like one of Tony’s fantasies, but no one wanted to make him a martyr or get arrested for his execution.

Purple Arrow: This is something that I’ve done, just not to Ross.

Counselor Laura: I’m an agent too now. I’m mostly working with kids, but my hands aren’t clean.

Purple Arrow: When?

Counselor Laura: September.

Purple Arrow: What happened?

Counselor Laura: We have a Watchdog problem in my timeline. You must, too, since you mentioned taking them out. Anyway, they love attacking Midtown because they know that there are powered people there. As well as Inhuman relatives. It’s public knowledge that Daisy’s cousin is a student there; she is a UN Avenger in my timeline. That makes her cousin a prime target. They tried to kill one of my kids again.

Purple Arrow: You took them out first?

Purple Arrow: Daisy has a cousin? That’s May’s daughter? The one that was dusted?

Counselor Laura: Yes, yes, and yes. They found out about Michelle when Tony did an in-depth background on all of Peter’s acquaintances. Too bad we didn’t find out about Flash’s piece of shit dad at the time. We could’ve got him out months earlier.

Counselor Laura: Yes, I did kill someone. I turned his weapon on him. Unfortunately, your other self wasn’t happy and asked me to leave Shield again.

Purple Arrow: You said, no?

Counselor Laura: The kids need me, and I know I’m making a difference. I looked up what happened to a few of my kids here, and I know it was better for them with me there at Midtown. I don’t think my Clint got that. The shouting started because I felt like he was trying to control me, and that’s not going to happen. It ended with him moving to Malibu and filing for legal separation, again.

Purple Arrow: He was angry because he feared losing you.

Counselor Laura: Trust me, I know. I was an agent’s wife for a long time, but my Clint can’t stand to be on the other side. It’s why he served me with divorce papers the time before. In my timeline, Ross kidnapped me to find out where the Secret Avengers were, and my Clint completely blamed himself.

Purple Arrow: That didn’t happen here.

Counselor Laura: Probably because Tony kept his distance.

Purple Arrow: Lila got a cryptic message to me that you were drinking again, and I made a deal with the feds. Or rather Coulson did, not that I knew. I didn’t find out until he was dead again. I didn’t even know he was alive until he was dead again.

Counselor Laura: I’m sure you regret not getting to punch him. Your other self did.

Purple Arrow: Good.

Counselor Laura: Look, I have a plan to fix things here.

Purple Arrow: You already mentioned. Get back to your own timeline and send the stones here to start building our own gauntlet as we prevent your purple monster from doing to you what he did to us.

Counselor Laura: You know, snapping the gauntlet and bringing everybody back isn’t really going to fix things. You said earlier you can’t undo all this damage, but we can start working through it.

Purple Arrow: How?

Counselor Laura: Phase one, group counseling, and apparently, I must be the leader until I leave. I should also find an alcohol counselor for Simmons. Tony had Steve clean out the alcohol in the lab, and it was terrible.

Counselor Laura: We also need a grief counselor. Also, Tony said something about me needing to do an intervention in Norway. Why do I need to do an intervention in Norway?

Purple Arrow: I think that’s where New Asgard is, but I don’t know why an intervention would be necessary. Good luck trying to find a grief counselor with even Tony’s money. Those are hard to come by right now.

Counselor Laura: I’m sure they are in high demand if Steve is working as a counselor. Maybe I could send Suarez from the other timeline over here if we get things working right.

Purple Arrow: Steve is working as a counselor?

Counselor Laura: That’s what Stark told me. You really haven’t been around much?

Purple Arrow: I’ve been terribly busy.

Counselor Laura: Missions? You mentioned taking down the Watchdogs.

Purple Arrow: Not necessarily sanctioned ones.

Counselor Laura: I want to know what happened to you.

Purple Arrow: I’m not ready to tell you yet.

Counselor Laura: When you are, I am willing to listen. I won’t judge. I have no room to.

Purple Arrow: So, what’s the next phase of this grand plan of yours?

Counselor Laura: As we work on getting everyone here emotionally healthy, we start working on how to get me back to my timeline. Which means you come down and tell me what you know.

Purple Arrow: It’s not much.

Counselor Laura: It will give us a place to start. Pizza will be there.

Purple Arrow: Okay. I’ll tell you what I saw and what Simmons told me. I don’t understand, but maybe Stark will.

Counselor Laura: Fingers crossed; we will get me home.

Purple Arrow: You will get those stones to us. Then I’ll be able to bring the kids back?

Counselor Laura: I hope. Although that means we need to get all the stones, it would be easier to do if I knew where they were in 2018.

Genius Princess: We would really like that information as well. We can start getting the stones while we figure out how to get you back. We are trying on our end.

Genius Princess: Although if you’re reading this message, then that means that we’ve at least figured out how to send text messages to 2223 of the original James Leopold timeline. I’m going to see if I can push Deke’s mission report to you as an attachment. I have no idea if I will be successful.

Genius Princess: Deke wants to know if his Nana has drunk herself into a puddle or locked herself in the framework? He’s concerned.

Counselor Laura: Shuri, is this you?

To be continued

OIG stands for the Office of Inspector General. In this case, we’re specifically talking about the Inspector General for the Department of State. I feel like the office was busy during the Ross administration in the MCU. At least they are busy in the timeline of my story.

Chapter Text

Kitty Brother: I have been informed that you are still in your lab at the embassy even though it is 7:42 AM local time. Why have you been working through the night?

Genius Princess: I could’ve just woke up very early because I am not used to the time difference.

Kitty brother: Per multiple sources, you have been in there since 1:08 PM PM EDT. You are not allowed more than 16 hours of continuous lab time.

Genius Princess: That limit was implemented when I was 12. I am no longer 12.

Kitty brother: I am well aware that you’re an adult on a mission, but you still need to rest. At a minimum, please eat something and take a nap.

Genius Princess: I can’t. Not now. Not when we’re this close, we almost have it.

Kitty brother: You could get hurt, again. You almost destroy your lab once due to inventing when sleep deprived. It’s why limitations were imposed on you when you were 12.

Genius Princess: First, I’m not working with any dangerous chemicals. I learned that lesson when I was 12.

Genius Princess: Second, Chief Monkey Lover is with us. Along with teenage mutant ninja spider and the time-traveling R&D guy. Football Hunter just brought me coffee. I’m actually out of the lab drinking it. So technically, I have left the lab.

Kitty brother: Why are you drinking coffee? You hate coffee.

Genius Princess: But this is frozen coffee with whip cream and chocolate sauce. I believe it’s called a frappe. He also brought me a croissant. Technically I’m no longer in the lab while I’m eating. See, I took a break.

Kitty brother: That is not a break. At least take a nap. You don’t have to do this alone. Let Chief Monkey Lover take over whatever you’re working on until you rest.

Genius Princess: I can’t, mostly because Chief Monkey Lover and the time-traveling R&D guy cannot be left in the room alone. Hunter can only keep the peace long enough for me to eat something, and TMNS might just web them up. That would be bad. Besides, we almost have it. Are you back home yet? I know you’re not in Mumbai anymore.

Kitty brother: I’m in Norway working on a special project related to the current situation. However, unlike you, I know that sleep is necessary. I’m planning to return home with the artifact. Stark feels it’s safer with us.

Genius Princess: Because he still doesn’t trust his bosses. Especially the one that made him go to the Rose Garden to make the American people think nothing was wrong. I assume that you are with the team trying to recover the shards of Thor’s hammer?

Kitty brother: Trying is the operative word. They are unable to remove the shards of the hammer.

Genius Princess: The Bulletproof Pacifist should be able to along with Vision. He may even be able to reassemble it. Please secure the object in my lab. I think I’ll be back by next Saturday. I may even bring some guess because their spring break is coming soon.

Kitty brother: I will convey that to the team as well as have guest rooms prepared. Please sleep.

Genius Princess: Sleep is overrated. I know you were part of the briefing, especially because Stark asked for a favor. We have a month until Thanos arrives if things stay the same as they did in the other timeline. We may not have that much time. I promise all rest once we get this done.

Kitty brother: That is not our path. Things have changed. I doubt that we will be battling Thanos as you remove an infinity stone from Vision’s head.

Genius Princess: Because I change them. But did I change things enough? I don’t have an answer. Too much is at stake if I’m wrong.

Kitty brother: How long have you known of my potential death?

Genius Princess: I found out during November of 2016. Of course, you have access to the events from the other timeline.

Kitty brother: Yes, I do. As king, I have access to all our Intel. At least what’s in the files.

Genius Princess: It was something you didn’t need to know.

Kitty brother: I don’t dispute that. It is better to live without a possible expiration date. And your own death?

Genius Princess: A while. The future is fluid. With each choice, I make Robbin’s drawings change. When she first arrived, she was drawing pictures of a cracked earth like you were aware of. Then they switched to a battle that was similar to what happened in the other timeline. You saw those pictures.

Kitty brother: Not the ones of me dying.

Genius Princess: One does not need reminders of their own mortality. But this is not death. You are literally removed from existing, and the only thing that remains is the memory of you.

Kitty brother: If memory exists, then one is never truly
gone. You have merely moved on to the next adventure. One has only ascended to be with the ancestors.

Genius Princess: Dad always believed that.

Kitty brother: But you do not?

Genius Princess: Nothing is written in stone. It can be changed.

Kitty brother: Somethings cannot be changed. We must accept the inevitable.

Genius Princess: All things can be changed through science. Nothing is inevitable. Not if we fight.

Kitty brother: What are you working on? You’re not actually trying to perfect time travel?

Genius Princess: Of course not.

Kitty brother: Good.

Genius Princess: I need to run additional tests on the white monolith before accomplishing that. We also need Pym particles. I could probably reverse engineer them, but I try to respect the intellectual property of my elders.

Kitty brother: You are exhausting, sister. What are you actually working on?

Genius Princess: Transdimensional text messaging.

Kitty brother: I apologize for asking.

Genius Princess: I have my mission, and you have yours.

Genius Princess: Another mission other than keeping alien weapons out of the Norwegian and American governments’ hands.

Kitty brother: What is the other mission sister of mine?

Genius Princess: Prepare world leaders for the inevitable alien invasion.

Kitty brother: I thought we had two alien invasions Friday? I’m at the side of one right now.

Genius Princess: A third invasion. As you can see from yesterday, the American president is too busy prancing the happy couple around the Rose Garden to actually do anything useful. Despite Steve telling the president that the Confederacy told them that Thanos was on his way to destroy the earth.

Kitty brother: Not actually what he does according to the other timeline’s intelligence reports but an action that warrants attention nonetheless.

Genius Princess: You have to be the leader to change things. We need to take the threat seriously.

Kitty brother: I assume I need to schedule a call with the American president sometime this week?

Genius Princess: That would be most prudent.

Kitty brother: Will the fight come to Wakanda this time?

Genius Princess: That’s one thing that has hopefully changed because the stone will not be there.

Kitty brother: But we should be prepared?

Genius Princess: I have to go. Deke just punched his grandfather. I really thought Hunter could keep them under control while I eat something.

Kitty brother: Is that the traveler from the future? Who is his grandfather?

To be continued…

Chapter Text

D FitzSimmons: Hey, it's me, your only grandkid. I am safe in 2018-- not your 2018 but a 2018. That's a long story. Apparently, you manage to make a bridge between timelines using Bobo as an anchor. At least, that's the running hypothesis.

D FitzSimmons: We’re hoping to do that again with these messages. This is why I'm using my phone. We think we are currently in a window, but monoliths are finicky little things and were using their particles for this.

D Fitzsimmons: I'm not sure if this will work, but I'm going to try anyway. This is the perfect time because the Princess is having a frappe in the living room, and grandpa is making out with Hunter in the corner. In between talking shit about me because he still thinks I'm the same guy who sold out Daisy to the Blues. Because they're distracted, this is the best time to send you a bunch of text messages to see how you're doing. They won't be looking over my shoulder to see me asking you how much you drank today. Or if you were drinking while in the lab. I don't like it when you do that.

D FitzSimmons: I hope you don’t actually get that message because I shouldn’t have said it that way. I was just angry typing. I wasn’t really planning to send that message, but not-Friday sent it anyway.

D FitzSimmons: In this timeline, Friday is like Enoch, and Ana runs everything.

D FitzSimmons: You know I'm definitely going to ask you about the drinking because I always ask you about the drinking. I wish you wouldn’t drink so much. I get that you're in pain. I just wish there was a way to not make you hurt so much or at least a way to help you work through your pain that doesn't involve José Cuervo. You didn’t lose Bobo once; you lost him twice. I get why you drink; I just wish I could stop it. I just want you to not be sad. I want you to be the woman that my mom told me about growing up.

D FitzSimmons: I feel like telling you about Bobo and Hunter in this timeline is definitely going to lead to you being further in the bottle. If such a thing were even possible at this point. I don't want that at all. I don’t want you in pain.

D FitzSimmons: Good news. I am in 2018 with your Bobo. The first one. Whatever you did worked. We’re not entirely sure what you did to bridge the two dimensions instead of merely sending me back in time in my own timeline. But the Princess has a working theory that we're going to try out. She’s the smartest person I’ve ever met. She knows everything.

D FitzSimmons: Why didn't you tell me you were planning this? I could've helped, and then I would know how to get home now.

D FitzSimmons: So the fact that I'm with Bobo one means that he didn’t die in the explosion. The monolith sent him back 22 months (?) in time. He sort of made a new timeline. Now I personally would have done something cool like becoming a rockstar super agent. Bobo One decided to become CCO of Stark industries and ended up with Hunter.

D FitzSimmons: This is actually closer to what I really did in our timeline than I would like to acknowledge. Obviously, he made a new timeline where he ends up married to Hunter. You and Bobo have really similar taste in men. I really want to know how that happened, but I am afraid to ask.

Ana Junior: James Leopold, a.k.a. the first Leopold Fitz of your original timeline, believe that he arrived in his own timeline. Just earlier and that his actions erase the original timeline. He felt it was best to move on with his life since the Fitz and Simmons of this timeline were together. However, he did work to get them engaged sooner. The wedding was a year ago.

D FitzSimmons: Well, he was wrong. Also, good on him for getting the wedding moved up. Other Nana invited me to their anniversary party.

D FitzSimmons: These messages aren't going through, are they?

Ana Junior: They are not at this time. I was initially not planning to tell you that until the princess returns from her frappe break and her conversation with her brother. I feel that you need to vent; otherwise, you may end up punching Leo.

D FitzSimmons: I vented. I'm not going to punch Bobo out. I just think he's a bit of a dick. Nana has been working tirelessly to get him back, and he's just been running around fucking Hunter and living his best life as the head of SI.

Ana Junior: Actually, he’s been working with a team to prevent Thanos from wiping out half of the world’s population. As I mentioned earlier, James was unaware that his original timeline even still existed.

D FitzSimmons: While I doubt he's going to leave Hunter now. He shouldn't because if we can get the stones back, then we can bring Bobo 2 back from the snap. Bobo 2 deserves to actually be happy.

Ana Junior: Speaking of Hunter. He also brought you a frappe and bacon cheese croissant.

D FitzSimmons: I think I might not hate this Hunter despite sleeping with Bobo. I really can’t hold that against him because Nana is also sleeping with Hunter.

Ana Junior: Hunter doesn’t hate you. He’s currently defending you.

D FitzSimmons: I don’t want to hear what Bobo one is telling him. Yes, I gave Daisy over to the blues. Do I regret that now that I no longer live in a dystopic hellscape? Yes. In the dystopic hellscape, it was a necessary evil. Well, that dystopic hellscape. I lived through a few.

D FitzSimmons: I'm just frustrated. For these last 22 months, he's been here living this happy life, and I've been dealing with alcoholic Nana for five and a half years. I'm exhausted and angry. I just want her to be okay like the Simmons here. She's just so lovely and sweet and not drunk all the time. That’s the woman my mom told me about.

Ana Junior: She is at present five weeks pregnant. The consumption of alcohol would be ill-advised.

D FitzSimmons: She’s pregnant?

Ana Junior: Yes.

D FitzSimmons: That's good to know. That's earlier than they had my mom, so I guess this will make this baby my aunt or uncle, sort of. Although they'd probably got married sooner in this timeline.

Ana Junior: That is a way to look at it. Leopold Fitzimmons and James Leopold see each other as brothers rather than nearly alternate dimension counterparts.

D FitzSimmons: One big happy multi-verse family.
Xxx
Okay, not that happy of a multi-verse family because, contrary to what Nana says, Bobo is a dick. He didn't finish his conversation with Ana because instead of asking what he was working on. Bobo ripped the phone out of his hands and started berating him. Deke responded by punching him.

Good news, none of the equipment was broken. Peter kept the workstation from crashing to the ground because they kind of knocked it loose. The bad news he's currently being yelled at by the Princess.

"I leave for ten minutes to talk to my brother, and you two start fighting. You're both adults. If it wasn't for Peter, you could've completely wrecked what we were working on." The princes almost yelled.

“I am. I am not sure about him.” Bobo one replied. Hunter was healing his face with something that Bobo came up with. Note to self figure out what it is and see if it's something he could sell to Pepper.

“You’re the one who disrupted my experiment. I’m not the person you know back at the lighthouse. A lot has happened in the last 5 1/2 years. Like me having to take care of the wife you abandoned Just so you can shack up with Hunter." Deke screamed.

“I didn’t abandon anybody. I didn’t choose to end up here.” Bobo, one argued.

“You didn’t try to leave, did you? We've only been working on this for a couple of hours, and we already have a working theory. I bet super genius Princes could've got you back home in a week tops." Although Deke is personally sure, he's going to be stuck here.

“Both of you, take a moment and calm down. We can’t do anything if you are sniping at each other. We have to do this together.” The Princess chastised.

“Or go and talk about this elsewhere. We’re trying to focus on this." Friday said from the side. He knows she has another name here, but he's going to keep calling her Friday because it makes him feel less alone. Like there's at least one person from his other life here.

“What's the point? This isn't going to work, and I'm going to be stuck in another timeline. I'm not going to end up at SI this time because I am not gonna work with him. Although I'm sure Pepper is still as lovely as always.” He really would like to meet this timeline’s Pepper

“She is. Aunt Pepper is also kind of with Happy this time around, so that may not work out for you.” Friday interjected.

“She's a friend," Deke argued.

“Sure." Friday just nodded her head; obviously, she didn't believe him at all.

“What happened?” The Princess asked

“When you were eating, he decided to call his Nana even though we weren’t ready to test the multidimensional messaging device yet." Bobo one explained.

“No, I tried to text message my Nana. I thought that by using my phone, I could create a bridge between the two timelines. It didn't work.”

“Because we're not ready yet. If you could just wait until...” Bobo one stopped speaking when Hunter and Friday glared at him.

“You’re going in the right direction, but I think because we're calling out from this side, we need a device from this timeline to anchor us. So you using your phone wouldn’t work.” The Princess explained. That made sense.

“Which is what I was trying to explain.” Bobo one complained.

“No, you are being a knob to your grandkid. We all make mistakes; get over it." Hunter told his husband. Yep, Deke likes this Hunter.

“Did Laura have her phone on her during the kidnapping?” Friday asked.

“Yes, she was text messaging your father at the time.” Bobo one answered, and the Princess tapped one of the beads on her wrist, and a hologram appeared.

“What are you doing?” Bobo one asked.

“Sending a message to Laura. Ana is letting me see a conversation between her and her husband in real-time I'm trying to intervene."
xxx

Genius Princess: We would really like that information as well. We can start getting the stones while we figure out how to get you back. We are trying on our end.
Genius Princess: Although if you’re reading this message, then that means that we’ve at least figured out how to send text messages to 2223 of the original James Leopold timeline. I’m going to see if I can push Deke’s mission report to you as an attachment. I have no idea if I will be successful.
Genius Princess: Deke wants to know if his Nana has drunk herself into a puddle or locked herself in the framework? He’s concerned.
Counselor Laura: Shuri, is this you?
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Genius Princess: I'm the one typing. I'm trying to push some code to Friday 2023, so she will Change the name of who you're speaking to, even if everything will be coming from the same number. Afia went to get Clint. He is anxious to talk to you.

Genius Princess 2018: We are grateful to establish contact with you after you were missing for 39 hours. We have unfortunately not been as successful with Agent Johnson. We have yet to receive any communications from her.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I'm sure Clint is probably anxious; let him know I'm okay, though. It’s only been two days?

Genius Princess 2018: It is 7:23 AM Sunday morning, New York time. We are currently at the lighthouse facility after the Avenger compound was infiltrated.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I've been here for more than a week. I need to ask Friday exactly how long. I lost consciousness a couple of times. Finding out your kids were snapped out of existence will do that to a person.

Genius Princess 2018: That seems in alignment with Leo and Deke’s theories regarding how these messages will travel to you.

Counselor Laura from 2023: Deke is actually there?

Genius Princess 2018: Yes, I mentioned earlier that he would like to know how his grandmother is doing. Ana said that she's going to push some messages to her through the system. Consultant Fitzsimmons is very concerned with her alcoholism. He asked Flash about his treatment strategy. I'm sure if Dr. Stark was here, Consultant Fitzsimmons would ask him the same questions.

Counselor Laura from 2023: Me and Dr. Potts are also concerned. Tony and Steve moved an entire mini bar out of the lab and had to reinstate the breathalyzer protocol yesterday.

Genius Princess 2018: Who is Dr. Potts?

Counselor Laura from 2023: So, in this timeline, Tony and Steve never worked through their mountain of bullshit. Because of that, Tony and Pepper somehow ended up getting engaged. When Thanos snapped his fingers and wiped out you and me, he restored Tony's sperm count. Which is how he got Morgan. We might go visit her soon to give Pepper and Hunter a break. BTW Hunter is Tony’s nanny.

Genius Princess 2018: That seems out of character from what we know about the purple one from Robin’s drawings. I would like to hear the story of how Hunter became Tony’s nanny.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I don’t even know. Regardless, Tony was really, really apprehensive about helping with the great time heist, which is why Deke got involved. Anyway, Tony and Pepper never actually did get married. However, they both change their name to Potts-Stark so that Morgan will have her own legacy separate from the Stark name. Apparently, this Tony never dealt with his Howard issues. I'm using Dr. Potts to distinguish him from acting Director Stark-Rogers. It's less confusing this way.

Genius Princess 2018: Agree. Also, to help with this, I have introduced code that will add years after our usernames.

Ana 2018: Is Dr. Potts-Stark aware of the circumstances of my name sake‘s death? That was the catalyst that led to Dr. Stark-Rogers reconciling with his past regarding his father.

Friday 2023: According to my database, Ana Jarvis's cause of death is still listed as a Home accident involving a lightbulb. Although Ana 2018 has sent me a file describing her death as Hydra collateral damage.

Counselor Laura from 2023: That’s one way to put it. I guess I’m going to have to schedule two interventions. Friday, do not give that new file to Tony until I can talk to him.

Friday 2023: Of course, Agent Barton.

Genius Princess 2018: Agent Barton? What type of interventions are you planning?

Counselor Laura from 2023: It's how they're differentiating me from the Laura of this timeline. Clint 2023 hasn't been a Shield Agent for a decade at this point.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I know that you’re aware of Simmons 2023's drinking problem. I want to do an intervention before I leave if there's time. Will there be time, or are you texting me to tell me to pack my bags?

Genius Princess 2018: We have yet to build a quantum tunnel, and I think we’re going to need Pym particles in addition to the White monolith. It may take time to negotiate access to the particles.

Counselor Laura from 2023: You need to do that fast. Tony and Steve 2023 think that we can prevent Thanos from completing the gauntlet in your timeline by sending the stones to their timeline.

Genius Princess 2018: Why didn’t I think of that. That could work. It also would help with their mission to complete the gauntlet to undo the purple one’s previous damage.

Counselor Laura from 2023: Exactly, but we need Pym particles. It might be better for you to do it on your side since Dr. Pym is still alive. Your timeline has you, Peter, two Fitzs, a sober Simmons, Deke, Tony, and the inventor of the necessary particles, Dr. Pym himself. He is still alive? In this timeline, there was some business with someone name Ghost. Which apparently was old Shield fuck up related.

Counselor Laura from 2023: Regardless, there's more brainpower on your side. We only have Bruce, Tony, Scott, and not sober Simmons.

Genius Princess 2018: You're right. We have a better chance of completing things on our side, mainly because we have most of the notes. I'm going to have Dr. Fitzsimmons work on it this morning. She's our best chance of understanding the work of her drunk counterpart. Dr. Pym is still alive. However, the record of that incident is incomplete because most details came from someone named Luis. He tends to go on unrelated tangents. The notes from Agent Woo were missing a lot.

Friday 2023: I will conduct an interview with Scott and send you the information

Counselor Laura from 2023: I don't even know why we're here when the AIs can just talk to each other.

Purple Princess 2018: We get things done. Hey, it's me, Afia. The princess just went to call West Coast Division Chief McKenzie and give him a heads up. We might have to send some people his way.

Counselor Laura from 2023: What about Sharon?

Purple Princess 2018: Only Dad can contact her. Since she is deeply undercover at the FBI. She’s already caught a couple of dirty agents. Or I guess maybe Steve can contact her as well, even if the world doesn’t think he’s her stepfather anymore. I'll contact my dad after this and let him know. He's already worried about my all-night science bender, but it worked.

Counselor Laura from 2023: That was a horrible cover.

Purple Princess 2018: I thought it was a good idea at the time. I was a baby AI.

Purple Princess 2018: We will have to do another all-hands meeting to discuss the idea with the stones. Dad and Steve will be back at 2 PM our time, but I'll try to get everyone else on board. I think we can do another meeting then.

Counselor Laura from 2023: And you want me to get the science team here together? We were going to try to do another meeting soon but I think Tony and I are going to have other things that we’re gonna need to talk about first and we might have to postpone.

Purple Princess 2018: Yes. Plus Steve. We need all notes related to Clint 2023 traveling back to this timeline. Again we have a Simmons who can understand them. Also, we need anything about the location of the stones at present.

Counselor Laura 2023: I’m calling him Mr. May-Rogers. I'm guessing Mrs. May-Rogers should probably be there as well unless she is at Peppers visiting her kids.

Purple Princess 2018: Steve really married May there? That's one hell of a reaction to Agent Agent dying.

Counselor Laura from 2023: For custody of children to keep them out of inhuman internment camps.

Purple Princess 2018: That happened?

Counselor Laura from 2023: Yep, at least according to Friday 2023. It's a full dystopic hellscape here because Ross consolidated power. In this timeline, Ross never kidnapped me, so Clint never took him out politically. He was kicked out once elections were able to happen again, but the damage was already done. Inhumans made an easy scapegoat for what happened.

Purple Princess 2018: I’m not even surprised.

Counselor Laura from 2023: Bruce, I can get to attend. Dr. Potts should be there. If he’s not cursing my name in effigy. Do I tell him about Hydra continually trying to kill his family members before or after this meeting?

Purple Princess 2018: If he’s like my dad probably before. Apparently, there are windows where we can talk to you. This one's going to close in about 20 minutes, and then it will be three days your time before there's another one. Ana and Friday are doing the math. Friday will let you know when to be ready to speak to us.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I’ll talk to Dr. Potts. I make no promises about Simmons.

Purple Princess 2018: Is it really that bad?

Counselor Laura from 2023: During our last all-hands Avengers meeting, Simmons drank vodka out of a water bottle. It wasn't even good vodka, just strong vodka. She also has alcohol stashed everywhere. I haven’t seen her not drunk or crying since I’ve been here. Although maybe knowing Deke is okay will help. I'll tell her she can talk to him to get her there.

Purple Princess 2018: That’s a good idea. Will her knowing that her fiancé did not die but sent back in time and created a new timeline help?

Counselor Laura from 2023: I don’t know. I think it might make things worse because he chose to stay and is married to Hunter. He argues otherwise, but we all know better.

Purple Princess 2018: I can tell Friday not to differentiate the label between Leo and Fitz.

Counselor Laura 2013: I don’t know if you need to go that far. Talk to her grandson. I think he would know better than I would. Although we haven’t been telling her anything about Leo. I’ve been afraid to.

Purple Princess 2018: I get that. We'll figure it out over here. Anyway, I have two people who really want to talk to you, and there's not a lot of time left in this window. I’m switching over to Lily bear now.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Lily bear 2018: Mom, is this really you? Are you OK? Are you really in the future? Mr. Fitzsimmons said you were, but Ana let me see the video. You just disappeared.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I'm OK, Lily bear. Although me and Ana are going to have some words when I get back.

Ana 2018: Dir. Stark-Rogers was distracted and did not activate the childproofing protocol for those files until Lily accessed the files. Access locks have firmly been put in place, and she is unable to watch again.

Counselor Laura from 2023: We are definitely going to have to have a conversation about accessing things you shouldn’t even try to access when I get back. Lily bear, I'm fine. I’m not really in our future. I’m in 2023 in a different timeline.

Lily bear 2018: So time travel is definitely more like Star Trek than Back to the Future?

Counselor Laura from 2023: It really is. I know you're worried, but this isn't like what happened with Ross. The Avengers here are taking excellent care of me. I have my own room at the compound with a hot tub.

Lily bear 2018: Is Uncle Tony with you?

Counselor Laura from 2023: Tony is with me but not your Uncle Tony. He's a little different. He has his own daughter [redacted].

Lily bear 2018: That’s different, although I'm sure he's a good dad. He's excellent with Afia, Flash, and [redacted].

Counselor Laura from 2023: Different dimensions, but some things are constant. Are you OK?

Lily bear 2018: Yes, especially now that I can talk to you. This made me remember what happened with Ross. It was days before Uncle Phil and Aunt Melinda got you back. I’m scared this will be like that again.

Counselor Laura from 2023: But your Uncle Tony did get me back. Trust me, this is a lot nicer than the accommodations I had with Ross. Is Uncle Tony the one taking care of you right now?

Lily bear 2018: Dad came to New York with Nate. He got here really early yesterday morning from California. Although before that, Uncle Tony picked us up and brought us to the lighthouse. He stayed with us until dad got here except for when he was in that emergency meeting. Then Simmons stayed with us.

Lily bear 2018: BTW, she threw up on my shoes. I think she’s pregnant.

Counselor Laura from 2023: If she is, it's probably really early. She's not ready to tell people yet, so respect her privacy.

Lily bear 2018: Yes, mom.

Counselor Laura from 2023: It is good to know that Tony came and got you. I’m glad your dad is with you. I’m sure your Uncle Tony, Fitz, James, and the princess will get me home soon.

Lily bear 2016: Connor is mad at you. It’s why he wouldn't come to talk to you when Afia got us. He said he would watch Nate.

Counselor Laura from 2023: He’s a teenager. He’s always going to be mad at me.

Lily bear 2018: He’s mad at Dad too. He blames him for you being missing. He punched dad, and more importantly, dad let him. He doesn’t want Uncle Tony and dad to send us to Malta with the other kids. He says he's not a baby. He’s definitely acting like one right now.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I don’t entirely disagree. It was a version of your father that brought me to this timeline, but that’s because he needed my help. But I’ll be back soon. So that’s still no excuse for Connor hitting your dad. Tell him he’s grounded for at least the next two weeks. Ana, I expect you to institute the grounding protocol.

Ana 2018: Of course, Laura.

Lily bear 2018: Did they need your help because of Thanos?

Counselor Laura from 2023: How do you know about him?

Lily bear 2018: I'm friends with baby bird. She tells me things, or rather, she texts me pictures. She drew a picture of you and Dad hugging at the compound. I thought it meant the two of you would get back together, not that you would end up in another timeline. I should've warned you. I’m sorry.

Counselor Laura from 2023: Sometimes, baby bird’s drawings don't make sense until after the fact. Then sometimes we make different choices, which means her drawings don't come true. [Redacted] sees potential timelines, not the future, as it must be. Nothing is written in stone.

Lily bear 2018: OK. Dad wants to talk to you. But I love you, don't forget that.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I won't, baby. I love you too.

Purple arrow 2018: I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left. I am sorry that I left you there alone. I’m really sorry that you accidentally got kidnapped by some other version of me. He is another version of me?

Counselor Laura from 2023: He's a broken version of you. He is a man who’s wife and children disappeared out of existence when he had his back turned. He blames himself for ignoring the emergency phone calls of Fury, May, and Coulson. Although I totally understand why he ignored Coulson's phone calls because he didn't actually know he was alive again.

Purple arrow 2018: Well, it's nice to know Phil being a dick is a universal constant. He still hasn't called me after his last alien kidnapping Friday. I know his kid is missing, but he could still check-in. 

Counselor Laura from 2023: I thought things were better between you two. Which kid? Do you think you would remember to send a text message if one of your kids were missing? 

Purple arrow 2018: Daisy. She’s with Loki and Thor. And I probably wouldn't remember to do anything. Ana is going to give you a readout of what happened here after you disappeared. It’s been a crazy two days.

Counselor Laura from 2023: Thank you. That would be useful. I feel like I missed a lot.

Purple arrow 2018: Things are better with Phil. We've talked a lot, especially since the separation. He's on your side, by the way. He thinks I'm a fucking moron for leaving, and he's right. I was stupid; I shouldn't have left.

Counselor Laura from 2023: You had your reasons for leaving. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself.

Purple arrow 2018: They weren’t good reasons.

Counselor Laura 2023: I killed somebody. You have the right to be upset about that. It's OK that you needed some space to process. I respect that.

Purple arrow 2018: You killed somebody because you made a deal to protect me, so that's another body on me. It doesn't matter that he was some domestic terrorist trying to hurt little kids. I didn't want you to become me. I'm not a good person, but you are.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I know who you think I am. You always put me on this pedestal of normalcy. You didn’t want me to be a part of your world. But I can’t love you and not be part of this world. I can’t pretend that there aren’t special children that need me, that there are heroes that need me. Maybe it was an accident that I was brought here, but I am needed in this 2023.

Counselor Laura from 2023: At a minimum, I need to do at least two interventions and maybe help Tony Potts work through his Howard issues. It has to be easier the second time around, right?

Purple arrow 2018: Maybe it's good that more time passes in the other timeline between windows than here. I am a little confused about that. I got an explanation from Hunter when he came to get me. But I think that made it worse because it was Hunter. He's married to a genius but still doesn't understand half the things he says, and it gets even more confusing when he repeats it.

Counselor Laura from 2023: I thought Afia got you?

Purple arrow 2018: She got the kids. I was reading through the alternate history of 2023 elsewhere.

Counselor Laura from 2023: It's hard sometimes to understand who you're married to, but it's essential to figure it out.

Purple arrow 2018: Sometimes, it takes longer than it should.

Counselor Laura from 2023: You don’t need to worry about me. I’m OK here. Just concentrate on making sure that what happened here doesn’t happen there.

Purple arrow 2018: Protect the kids?

Counselor Laura from 2023: Protect the kids. Thanos can't happen. He can't get those stones.

Purple arrow 2018: I know. I've been reading through the reports. I actually spent all night going through them. I'm not sure my other self's presence would have made a difference. I just throw arrows. 

Counselor Laura from 2023: We all make a difference by everything we do. Little ripples can become waves. Remember that.

Purple arrow 2018: Hey, we're about to lose the window, but we'll talk soon.

Counselor Laura from 2023: OK. Tell the kids I love them.

Purple arrow 2018: I will. I love you, and I'm sorry. Nate says to bring him chocolate.

Counselor Laura from 2023: It’s OK and no chocolate.

Counselor Laura from 2023: Talk to the Princess about Tony Potts’s plan.

Xxx

Purple arrow 2023: So is this the time to tell you that I somehow ended up with a copy of all of those conversations you just had with your friends and family in the other timeline?

Counselor Laura: I thought that was a possibility. Also, Friday just changed your name in my address book a little.

Purple arrow 2023: Friday also sent them to Stark too because Ana told her to. I can hear the cursing from the air vents. He's not happy.

Counselor Laura: Oh shit. Everything?

Friday 2023: I apologize, but I did not know you would discuss such a sensitive subject. However, I did not show him the detailed file regarding Ana Jarvis's death despite his multiple requests. However, he would like to speak with you in his lab right away.   

Counselor Laura: I will try texting first but let him know I’ll talk to him in a minute.

Purple arrow 2023: Do you want to talk about it?

Counselor Laura: My marriage is really fucked up, and I really miss my kids. Also, Tony is probably furious at me because, apparently, things are really different in this timeline.

Purple arrow 2023: All good marriages are complicated.

Counselor Laura: This is our second separation. Third, if you count when he sent me divorce papers when he went to go after Ross. I’m willing to tell you about it eventually as long as you don’t keep avoiding me. But not right now; I have a Stark to diffuse.

Purple arrow 2023: I’m done avoiding you.

Counselor Laura: Good because you have some notes to write about everything you know regarding what Simmons did. I need to get back to my kids, and I need your help.

Purple arrow 2023: That is something I will always help you with.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Counselor Laura: Tony, I am sorry that you read that conversation. I don’t think I realized how different this timeline would be.

Tony Potts: You don't have to be sorry. You didn't know that I didn't know. This is a different timeline, so maybe you assumed that I still found out by some other means?

Counselor Laura: Which is stupid because you shouldn’t make assumptions. I should've realized that you wouldn’t have known because your relationship with Steve was how other Tony found out the truth.

Tony Potts: His boy killed another member of my family, and Steve kept it a secret. That seems on brand.

Counselor Laura: No. In my timeline, you and Steve started really talking to each other. During one of these conversations, you told him the story of what you thought happened to Ana. Steve recognized that it didn't quite make sense because of his personal experience with similar childhood lies.

Tony Potts: What were these childhood lies?

Counselor Laura: You’re going to have to ask Steve about that. Ask him if he has any family in Nevada.

Tony Potts: Fair enough.

Counselor Laura: Anyway, Steve didn’t want to be in a position to keep something from you again, so he asked Friday to look into his suspicions. Friday asked Leo, not the original timeline Fitz but the Leo that came from this time to look into it. Because of his time in the framework as Hydra's head, he knew where the bodies were buried.

Tony Potts: I heard about that. It makes sense.

Counselor Laura: That’s when we started to uncover the truth regarding Hydra’s many assassination attempts against your father, Uncle Daniel, and Aunt Peggy. As well as the unfortunate collateral damage. Although we didn’t know the stuff about Daniel for probably another year.

Counselor Laura: Coulson was the one who informed you that Ana was an unfortunate victim of a stray bullet during one of the attempts on your father.

Tony Potts: Uncle Daniel didn't actually die of a heart attack?

Counselor Laura: No, he was poisoned. From what we’ve uncovered so far, that successful attempt was number seven. The first attempt was in 1955 when he and Peggy were on a break. A contact only known as GR told Peggy that the Russians would try to take Daniel out at a hotel. She flew across the country to save him, and that's when they got back together.

Tony Potts: So, it was Hydra, not Russia?

Counselor Laura: Yes. Daniel suspected that SHIELD was infiltrated by Hydra. Unfortunately, instead of going to his ex-girlfriend, he went to his direct supervisor Wilford Malick. That led to near assassinations at hotels.

Tony Potts: That last name seems familiar.

Counselor Laura: His son ordered the nuke that you flew into a portal. Hydra has been the family brand since before the great depression. Per Leo, Wilford Malick handed one of the ingredients for the supersoldier cocktail to Hydra himself in 1931.

Tony Potts: Before the Great Depression?

Counselor Laura: How much do you know about the cult of Hive?

Tony Potts: Not as much as I wish I did right now.

Counselor Laura: Friday, did Ana 2018 send you essential files regarding Hydra’s history from my timeline?

Friday: Yes.

Counselor Laura: Can you put a primer together about what is not known in this timeline?

Friday: Of course, Agent Barton.

Tony Potts: Why do I feel like there’s a lot I don’t know? I hate it when I don't know stuff.

Counselor Laura: Let’s just say my Tony had a very busy two years.

Tony Potts: He’s engaged to the less asshole version of Stevie bear. Also, apparently, he is the director of Shield's replacement organization. He also has three kids. Busy seems like an understatement.

Counselor Laura: Acting director, my Tony can’t get through a confirmation hearing for being too independent and way too gay. Also, Steve is still a bit of an asshole. It’s a universal trait. But he’s getting better at acknowledging that in my timeline.

Tony Potts: That is strangely comforting. Is being engaged to Captain America working for or against him?

Counselor Laura: It's a little mixed, mostly because technically, Captain America is now May. Although she usually uses Agent America, the press still calls her Captain America because she has the shield. Steve is Nomad.
Counselor Laura: [image one attached]

Tony Potts: That is such a better costume. Friday, sweetheart, do you think you can do something with that image?

Friday: Yes, because Ana 2018 passed me tactical uniform specs. Although I will need to contact General Okoye for some resources, I’ve been given an authorization code.

Tony Potts: We probably need to contact her anyway to be on standby.

Friday: I will take care of it.

Tony Potts: I want to know how that happened, but I feel like I need to learn more about Hydra's secret history and the fact that they kept killing off my family members. Also, there is the fact they kept using Steve’s BFF to do it. That’s just really fucked up.

Counselor Laura: It wasn’t the Winter Soldier. It was too much of a risk of triggering his memories and losing the asset. He was the last resort.

Tony Potts: Which if they started in 1955, it took them 36 years to get there.

Counselor Laura: After Daniel survived the attempt in 1955, Hydra didn’t try again for a while with Daniel. Mostly because the agent stopped saying things to his supervisor and faked memory loss because of the information GR gave to him.

Counselor Laura: Daniel didn't want to get Peggy involved, so he went to your father, and they started investigating. At least that’s what we could piece together from the papers we found in the Krazy Kanoe (it was an old Shield safe house).

Counselor Laura: Every time they got close, there would be another attempt that would slow them down. Unfortunately, one of these attempts resulted in your Aunt Ana being collateral damage. Because of that, your father decided to send you off to boarding school.

Tony Potts: How many attempts? You said there were seven for Uncle Daniel.

Counselor Laura: We uncovered 15 so far against your father only. There may have been more, but some of the records were destroyed. That's just Hydra. There were a few assassination attempts from Roxxon and even one from Obadiah on his own in 1989.

Counselor Laura: As I stated earlier, we uncovered at least six against Daniel, not counting when they succeeded, and at least four against your Aunt Peggy. But again, some records were destroyed, so things are inconclusive.

Tony Potts: I’m not even surprised. You know some of those records may not be destroyed here. We could look into it?

Counselor Laura: That's maybe something Friday can look into when I'm not trying to figure out how to avoid an apocalypse. However, they're working on getting me back on their end.

Counselor Laura: The Genius Princess likes your idea, and I think she's going to convince the others to run with it. Although you probably already knew that because you were reading those messages.

Tony Potts: Actually, I stopped when the Ana stuff came out. It is good to know. This will make operation keep away easier. We can put a list of where all the stones were in 2018. They can do all the tech work.

Tony Potts: Although we are still going to have to give them what we have to make it go faster. They’re working on a deadline. We are not.

Counselor Laura: Friday, how many days do we have until they contact us again?

Friday: They will contact us at 2 PM their time, which will be two days and 18 hours from now for us.

Tony Potts: We should probably get busy.

Counselor Laura: Definitely, although I'm not sure if things will work the way we think they are. We don't know when the purple ass hole grabbed some of the stones. The Thanos in my timeline may already have some. Yes, you guys can help us keep him from getting more, but you might need to get some stones from other places to complete your gauntlet.

Tony Potts: You’re right. Oh, I’m going to have to call Build-a-Bear.

Counselor Laura: Who is Build-a-Bear?

Tony Potts: Rocket, he kind of looks like a raccoon but don’t call him a raccoon. It’s offensive.

Counselor Laura: I’ll make a note.

Tony Potts: You don’t seem shocked by that.

Counselor Laura: I've been warned, and I've been a Shield Agent for a little while.

Tony Potts: So, nothing freaks you out anymore?

Counselor Laura: Talking to my daughter made me cry. I didn’t come to you in person because I’m still fixing my makeup. She’s scared and terrified. Connor is angry at everyone, and I want to get home so badly.

Tony Potts: That’s normal. Also, Melinda says teenagers are incredibly moody. I'm not looking forward to Morgan’s teenage years. I don't know why my other self decided to start with teenagers and preteens.

Counselor Laura: They're not great, especially when you're in the middle of a separation/divorce. Connor is also upset because Tony and Clint want to send all the kids to Malta to get them out of the line of fire. At least the ones without superpowers. I doubt Flash and MJ are going anywhere, partially because Flash is 18, and MJ listens to no one except maybe Daisy. She’s still MIA with Thor and Loki.

Tony Potts: If operation keep away does work, then it would be better for the kids to be in Malta or at least away from anywhere with the stones.

Counselor Laura: And if we’re not successful?

Tony Potts: Then, nowhere in your universe is safe. I was on another planet in a completely different solar system. I still watched Peter disappear in my arms.

Tony Potts: No, I don't want to talk about how traumatic that was ever. I just want to undo it.

Counselor Laura: And maybe make sure nobody feels that loss in my time. I don't want you to feel that. You know that even if you undo everything, the trauma is still going to be there?

Tony Potts: So we've been thinking of doing this with a suit, so we would need particles for each person, but what if we could bring a ship. Then maybe we could bring all the kids here while we're dealing with the purple ass hole. Friday did send over Deke's jump drive work, and I think the team in 2018 can work with that.

Counselor Laura: That could work. It’s something to work on before the next call or, rather, text message session. Friday, are they trying to get voice? I really would like to hear my kids.

Friday: Text allows for greater exchange of data through the window. But I will see if video clips can be transferred through.

Tony Potts: We will work with what we have. How did things go with your not a husband?

Counselor Laura: Clint is going to cooperate, but we still need Simmons.

Tony Potts: Who is a drunk mess on a good day. The breathalyzer protocol isn’t helping things. She’s just staying in her room now to drink.

Counselor Laura: Will knowing Deek is OK help?

Tony Potts: I don't know. But I think I know who will. And now that the kids are with Pepper, we can bring him in.

Counselor Laura: Hunter?

Tony Potts: Yes. This will piss off Pepper because I don't think she wants to take care of both kids for an extended period by herself. Although the big sister is supposed to arrive Friday night, which will help.

Counselor Laura: You should go visit the kids with Steve. That way, you can give Pepper a little break so Hunter can come up and maybe get Simmons to stop drinking.

Tony Potts: I should totally go visit the kids with the May-Rogers.

Counselor Laura: While you're doing that, I will talk to Scott and get a readout of what actually happened with somebody named Ghost five years ago.

Tony Potts: I've only known Scott for a few days, but he seems like an excited puppy.

Counselor Laura: I can deal with an excited puppy.
Xxx

Counselor Laura: Hey, this is Laura. If Tony comes to invite you and Steve to go with him to visit the kids, can you please let Steve go alone? I know you probably want to see your daughters, but they need to work out their bullshit for the love of humanity.

Counselor Laura: Also, Friday received a bunch of files from my timeline's Shield. As the director, you probably need to look at them anyway.

Director May Rogers: I agree. I’m tired of Steve using me to avoid his Tony feelings. They’re exhausting.

Counselor Laura: So you’re aware of what’s going on?

Director May Rogers: I’m well aware Steve is in love with Tony and has been for a really long time. Pepper and I have been trying to figure out for the last year how to set them up.

Counselor Laura: This is why you have always been my favorite godmother of my kids. It makes total sense that you two are conspiring.

Director May Rogers: I am glad to have someone else helping.

Counselor Laura: I don't know if you will be so happy when you read the files, but I'm glad to help.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Tony: So, you probably heard by now that Laura from the Good timeline managed to get multiple text messages from home. Because the princess and multiple Leo Fitzes are alive there. Apparently, they managed to perfect trans-dimensional text messaging in under 24 hours.

Steve: I’ve heard. Friday is very chatty.

Tony: She is. It totally makes sense that she is an LMD teenager in the other timeline because she’s such a teenager now.

Friday: I resent that remark.

Tony: It's true, sweetie. You’re my adorable, sassy teenager. You’re training me for Morgan.

Tony: Anyway, in about two days, we will have another text message conversation, but we need to get Simmons on board. To get Simmons on board, we need Hunter. However, I can't leave Pepper with both kids by herself because that would be cruel.

Steve: Kamala could stay over and help. Your driver could take her back to campus in the morning. You still have a driver, right?

Tony: Pepper does. It's five years, and I'm still not used to the non-Happy driver. So I try not to use the service even though Sasha is lovely. But I will float the idea by Pepper. Then you can ask your daughter if she is OK with that.

Steve: I get that. I’ll mention it to Kamala if Pepper is OK with it.

Tony: Today, I found out in the other timeline Happy is kind of with Pepper because the May Parker Riley there ended up with Professor Olivia Octavia.

Steve: OK, how do you know all this? That name is really familiar.

Tony: Because your wife arrested her with the help of Silk and the other Spider-Man two months ago. I think the name Doc Ock is more memorable.

Tony: As for how I knew about this, Friday prepared me a primer on the other timeline. I wanted to know about Hydra-related bullshit, and she decided to give me relationship rundowns. Teenager, I tell you, teenager.

Friday: I wanted you to be prepared if we successfully make it to the other timeline. Understanding interpersonal relationships and team dynamics of the other timeline can aid in that endeavor. That seems more important than learning how Hydra tried to assassinate several of your family members multiple times.

Steve: What?

Tony: So, I assume Friday didn't forward you Laura’s text messages live when she was chatting with the good timeline? How kind of her.

Steve: May got access, but I didn't. She told me she would tell me what I needed to know later.

Tony: Well, then you two can chat on our car ride to see our kids. The whole point of this text message conversation is to ask you to come with me to visit the kids.

Tony: We could take the kids for the night, and Pepper can have a break.

Steve: Or me and May could take the kids back to Brooklyn and let you and Pepper have some quality time.

Tony: OK, confession time because I trust you not to go to the press; Pepper and I aren’t really engaged anymore. We haven’t been since before Morgan was born. However, with the world as unstable as it is and being stuck with the asshole members of the board after the decimation, we kept it quiet.

Steve: I have been doing play dates with you and Pepper for the last three years, and you never said anything before.

Tony: But you never saw me kissing her or anything else. You actually rarely even saw us together.

Steve: She was at the cabin with you when May and I went to ask you to help.

Tony: Because Deke tipped her off that you were coming, and he thought things would go better with her there.

Tony: I think there might be something going on between those two.

Friday: Ana 2018 transmitted Deke Fitzsimmons’ report on how he ended up in 2018. A copy has been sent to your Stark pad for your review. I think you will find it illuminating.

Tony: Well, I will have some late-night reading when the kids are sleeping, and May has her little chat with you. That is if you'll come along?

Steve: I'll come with you to Manhattan. However, May is going to stay here. She doesn't want to leave Simmons unsupervised.

Tony: Hunter is coming to the compound.

Steve: OK, Melinda said she doesn't want to leave Hunter and Simmons together unsupervised. She also has reading from the other timeline.

Tony: I can completely understand that even though I leave Hunter unattended with my children.

Steve: Good. You can tell me about what Friday means by Hydra killing most of your family on the ride down to Manhattan. Was it Bucky?

Tony: I really don't. Although it wasn't your boy. Hydra didn't want to bring out the big guns until they had to because the big gun would break when he's faced with the ghost of his past.

Steve: Please explain, Tony?

Tony: OK, but I don't know all the details because I haven't dug into the Hydra primer yet. In the other timeline, because of my communication with your other self, that Steve figured out that the story of my Aunt Ana dying in a freak lightbulb changing accident was a complete lie. Steve 2.0 asked Friday to investigate, and she got the timeline refugee Fitz to look into it. Because he was ex Hydra in the framework, he knew where to look for the bodies.

Steve: That makes sense. May retained a whole lot of knowledge about Hydra operations because of her time in the framework herself. It’s been useful to her now.

Tony: Fitz definitely found some bodies. My aunt didn't die because of a weird light bulb changing accident, but because Hydra tried to kill Howard. Unfortunately, Ana was collateral damage. Of course, I found all of this out reading the other timeline text messages.

Steve: Oh shit!

Tony: Glad to know you curse.

Steve: We've known each other for over a decade. You know that I do. You were there with me when I tried to put Barbie's dream house together. I cursed like the Army man that I am.

Tony: We weren't speaking to each other for a few of those years. Also, you refuse to look at the instructions or have Friday read you the instructions. You also wouldn't let me design something better. Morgan has the best Barbie dream house. I gave Barbie her own science lab.

Steve: I'm sorry about that. That is something you would do.

Tony: I am too. Laura told me that Steve 2.0 saw through the light bulb story because of something in your own childhood. Laura wouldn't tell me what that was. Although I'm supposed to ask about family in Nevada.

Steve: Since you finally told me about Pepper, I’ll let you know the truth about my family. You know that in the history books it says that my father died in World War I. But did you ever look at my Shield file?

Tony: No, because a lot of that is just complete bullshit, you know, until your wife took over. Also, if you wanted me to know, you would tell me.

Steve: Thank you for that. The dying in World War I thing was what my mom told me and everyone else. When I went down in the ice, that's what I believed. At the same time, I had memories that didn't add up. I remember seeing him hitting my mother.

Tony: I'm sorry.

Steve: She left, or maybe he left her. I don't remember everything. I was so young. Being a single mother was hard, so she told everybody that he died. If you hear a lie enough, you believe it.

Tony: Especially when you're a little kid. I never questioned the light bulb thing. Although knowing the truth in hindsight, I understand why I was shipped off to boarding school. If I was in the same situation, I would send Morgan away. I already have. She's with Pepper in Manhattan while we are working on Operation Keep Away. Laura and I are even trying to come up with a way to bring all the kids from her timeline here just in case the purple one still wins so they won’t get snapped.

Steve: So that's what we're calling this now? That wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Tony: Yes. So how do you have family in Nevada?

Steve: When I woke up, I had a SHIELD dossier with information about all of my friends and associates.

Tony: I bet it was hard finding out that Aunt Peggy ended up with Uncle Daniel.

Steve: I was glad she found somebody even if she lost him to a heart attack nearly 2 decades earlier.

Tony: That was a Hydra induced heart attack per our friends in the other timeline. Although the fact he made it to the 80s was a small miracle. Daniel was suspicious of Hydra contaminating Shield way back in 55. He told the wrong superior and was almost murdered at a hotel. Aunt Peggy saved his Ass. Daniel was told by a mysterious contact named GR to fake amnesia and not tell Aunt Peggy about Hydra. Or at least that's what they can gather from the Krazy Kanoe files. It was a Shield safe house that has existed longer than Shield itself. I really want to read those.

Steve: Also, while reading the files, I found out I have a half-sister in Nevada, or I did before the decimation. My father went out West and had a whole other family but never became a better man. He beat the hell out of them too. He ended up in jail. Even in the 50s, they didn't like wife beaters or people who hurt their children. So he was killed. Your dad and Peggy kept the truth out of the history books.

Tony: Do you want me to comfort you or congratulate you?

Steve: I don't even know.

Tony: These conversations are really hard.

Steve: Extremely. Although maybe that's how our other selves managed to work through everything.

Friday: Ana 2018 actually sent me the transcriptions of their text message conversations that led to their reconciliation and eventual engagement.

Tony: Yep, you are such a teenager. So, sugar cookie, do you want to read how our less idiotic selves managed to work through all their issues?

Steve: No, because they are not our issues.

Tony: Everything was exactly the same up until a month after the Avenger uncivil toddler squabble.

Steve: Since then, a lot has changed. You got back with Pepper and then subsequently broke up and never told me.

Tony: And you got married just to keep two kids out of the inhuman Interment camps without coming to me for help. And I would’ve helped you. Even if I was still furious at you, I would help you protect those kids.

Steve: I know that now, but I didn’t at the time. We have our own issues to work through that are completely different from our other timeline counterparts.

Tony: Point.

Steve: Although I would like to know how the other us worked through their problems. It couldn't just be as simple as actually talking to each other?

Friday: After analyzing their messages, I have determined that the secret to their success was open and honest communication. They played icebreaker games like 20 questions and also answered the 36 questions that lead to love. It was a PR project to appease Jane Barnett.

Tony: The secret really is open communication, which I suck at. Also, I miss Jane so much. She was the best PR person. I’ve fucking hate the snap.

Friday: They were already in love with each other before they began speaking to one another per my analysis of the messages.

Friday: I have sent the list of 36 questions to your Stark pad. I suggest that you ask each other these questions during the drive to Manhattan.

Friday: Actually, Laura just requested that you go through the questions. She wants you two to work through your emotional bullshit for the sake of half of all life in the universe.

Tony: At least we'll have something to do on the drive. Do you want to get burgers first?

Steve: Sure. Let me pack.

Tony: We're going to take the kids to Brooklyn, so there's no need, and I have a bag at Pepper's place. I actually probably have more clothes there than here. I do have my own bedroom there.

Steve: You still have one here. You'll always have a place here, no matter what.

Tony: Good to know.

Steve: And I’m still going to pack a bag just in case we decide not to go to Brooklyn.

Tony: That’s the Boy Scout in you. You’re always prepared.

Steve: I was never a Boy Scout—Way too queer.

Tony: I’m looking forward to you proving that.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

s

Tony Potts Stark seriously questioned his life choices after finishing his second text message conversation with Steve in two days. Although after recent revelations, he could use some quality Morgan cuddle time. It’s just to get Morgan cuddle time. Unfortunately, he would have to drive there with Steve. Which was fine because he had good fries and a milkshake.

However, after 15 minutes on the road and halfway through his milkshake, the awkwardness was getting to him. Sure he can text message Steve, but he doesn't know where to start in person. From what he got from Laura, it took his other self getting totally drunk to begin talking to Steve again. That wasn't an option. So Tony will have to go with the other thing his counterpart used to work through his mountain of Steve Rogers bull shit.

“Friday, pull up those 36 questions that lead to love,” Tony asked Friday in the car.

“You're actually going to ask me these questions?” Steve asked.

“Well, it's better than us talking about our milkshakes for another 10 minutes.” Which did happen.

“They're really good shakes.” If he wasn’t driving, Tony would glare at Steve.

“Because the Captain America still comes with apple pie and hot fudge swirls." And was secretly Tony's favorite, but he’s never ever going to tell Steve that.

“You know it is not called that anymore." After the Accords fallout, they renamed it the American fudge dream. But it would always be the Captain America to Tony.

“The questions have been sent to your Stark phone Mr. May-Rogers," Friday replied.

“I keep telling you to call me Steve," Steve said as he pulled out his phone. Thankfully it was the newer model Stark phone he got Steve for Christmas last year. Thanks to Deke, SI was slowly rolling out new consumer-electronics again.

“She keeps calling me Mr. Stark even though my legal name is Potts Stark. Although I’m a little less mad at Howard now that I know the truth.” As a father, he understands why Howard sent him away. He was doing it right now with Morgan, but Morgan knew what he was doing. At least as much as any four-year-old could understand. Although being his and Pepper’s kid, her understanding is probably 12% greater than most four-year-olds.

“And that you’re able to look at the situation from the perspective of a father." Okay, maybe Steve knows him better than Tony initially thought. Because that was exactly what he was thinking.

“That does change things. Hit me with the first question.” Tony told Steve.

“Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want to have as a dinner guest?” Steve read off the question.

“Alive, dead, or dusted?”

“I will let you say anybody because I would just love to have dinner with Bucky and Sam again.” Tony could pick up the sadness in Steve’s voice.

“Then I want Happy and Peter. If operation keep away works, we are having the world's biggest party afterward. It will be a barbecue at the lake. And it will be glorious.” Tony wants that so badly.

“Agreed. Question two is, ‘would you like to be famous’?

“Obviously, this thing was written by people who have never been famous for reasons outside of their control. I think that’s why I’m trying so hard to keep Morgan from the press. They don’t bother us at the cabin.” Tony explained.

“I agree. Part two is in what way?”

“Well, obviously not for being the merchant of death. I still have nightmares about Morgan finding that stupid sex tape that Tiberius made behind my back after my parents died. That’s going to be a fun conversation.” That’s a conversation he never wants to actually have.

“At least you didn’t accidentally post a pic of your genitalia on Instagram. Kamala didn’t talk to me for a month after that incident. She was so embarrassed because all her friends at school kept asking her about it.” Steve lamented. Tony remembers that social media screw up very well. It was the highlight of last October. Robin was actually sleeping over the night that it happened.

“How did that happen? You’re married to a spy. She should really keep her personal photos better protected.” Tony is not jealous of Steve sexing May. “Also, do you really need to be sexing your wife?" Okay, maybe he was a little jealous.

“Despite the spy wife and the teenage daughter, I’m not that good with technology even if the decimation has slowed things down. I uploaded the wrong picture, and even Avenger Friday couldn’t save me." That blush told Tony he was lying, but he won't push.

“If I could design something to get rid of things like that, the 90s gay sex tape wouldn't exist. Besides, even I have the pictures saved of your Instagram indiscretion. Really you have nothing to be ashamed of. May and other me are very lucky.” Tony joked.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Steve blushing. Maybe that wasn’t his dick that ended up on Instagram. Unlike the rest of the world, Tony knows Steve isn’t hetero, and he could totally have a random dick saved to his phone. Unfortunately, it's been a while since Steve has changed with Tony. So he couldn't say 100% for sure it was Steve's not that little Stevie.

“So obviously, the answer to the second one is no and definitely not for accidental pornography.”

“That’s one way to put it.” Tony opted not to push Steve and let him move on.

“Question three is ‘before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say?’"

“With Pepper, I did right after our reconciliation before Morgan was born. Actually, I kept doing it until Morgan's second birthday.” Tony answered.

“What do you mean by reconciliation?” Of course, Steve was going to ask for clarification on this.

“That she was no longer cursing me out at doctors' appointments. I said some really stupid stuff, including accusing her of sleeping with someone else because I thought I was really sterile. I didn’t want her to completely cut me out of Morgan’s life, so I was very careful for the first two years.” Tony explained. “You?”

“The first few years after arriving in the present, yes. Not as much now, although I am careful when I talk to you.” That confession doesn’t surprise Tony.

“I scare you?” Tony asked.

“Yes, because I don’t want to screw things up as badly as before.” He wasn’t expecting that confession.

“I don’t think that’s possible.” Because Siberia was an absolute cluster fuck. He's willing to acknowledge mistakes were made on all sides seven years after the fact, especially in light of what Ross did after the snap.

“I hope not anyway. Okay, the next question’s easier. What is a perfect day for you?”

“Grilled cheese with Morgan at the cabin.” He loves Morgan time. “You?”

“Sunday breakfast with the kids and May.” Tony smiles at the answer. “It doesn’t always happen because May has missions, and sometimes Kamala stays over at school. It’s just good for us to be a family together. I never thought I would have that.”

"Even if May isn’t the wife you thought you would have?" Tony asked.

“I love her, but it's not that type of love. We are two people who care deeply about one another and are building a family together.” Steve explained.

“Who occasionally have sex.” Thanks to the automatic driving feature, he did check to see if Steve was blushing. He was. It was adorable.

"I have never been a Boy Scout. Again, I am way too queer." Steve remarked.

"I'm glad."

"But I know if May could be with Phil again, she would drop me in a second. I’m okay with that. We are each other’s anchor.”

“So if Peggy came back from the dead, would you totally drop May?” Tony asked.

“She's not on the list anymore." That wasn’t the answer Tony was expecting.

“Who’s on the list?” There is no way Tony could be on that list, no matter how much he wishes he was.

“Okay, the next question is ridiculous," Steve said, avoiding his question. Again Tony let it go because they still had a while before they got to Manhattan.

“What is the question, sugar pie?” Tony asked.

“When was the last time you sang to yourself or someone else?”

“While the first part of that is whenever I'm in the creative zone, and the second part is the last night with the kids. You know that Robin has trouble sleeping because of her visions. But she likes when I sing to her. It relaxes her.” Tony explained.

“I know. I do it sometimes too. Although I'm more likely to sing alone in the shower."

“That I would love to see. Next question, Buttercup.” Steve starts giggling at that point.

“Buttercup is a perfectly acceptable pet name. Although if you prefer, I could go with DILTF.” Tony remarked.

“I was laughing about the question. It’s basically if you could live to 90, would you rather keep a 30-year-old mind or a 30-year-old body. As somebody who turned a hundred and five last July, I am honestly glad I don't have to choose between having the mind of a 30-year-old or the body of a 30-year-old." Okay, that definitely deserved laughter.

"But if you had to choose, would you prefer being a 105-year-old with the best body or keeping your sharp mind but really looking like a 105-year-old?" Tony asked.

“What does DILTF mean? I know that you use that in your address book for me." Steve must be trolling him. He has a teenager with friends. Tony is sure some of them have called him that.

“Dad I like to Fuck," Friday answered before he could come up with a decent alternate definition.

“Traitor," Tony mumbled under breath. Although with super hearing, Steve probably still heard him.

“I should’ve realized you and Pepper were not actually together a while ago.” Steve half mumbled.

“You really should have. Now answer the question, sweetie pie."

“I’d rather keep my mind than my body. You?”

“After watching what happened to Aunt Peggy, I definitely want to keep my mind.” Getting mistaken for Howard multiple times was painful.

“It was so hard seeing her like that. Every time I came to visit her, it was… Peggy has been gone seven years, and it’s still hard to talk about. She was so strong, and then…" Steve couldn’t finish.

"I get it. It was probably even worse for you because you remember how Aunt Peggy was during the war. I knew my aunt was a total badass, but I didn't actually know what she did in DC all day. Not until later."

“That makes sense.”

“In an effort to be honest with each other, I should tell you that other Tony had Aunt Peggy exhumed and found out that it wasn’t really Alzheimer’s but a Hydra drug-induced version of it." That was the only Hydra-related intel that Friday put in his primer, probably because it was family-related.

“I fucking hate Hydra," Steve exclaimed angrily.

“The sentiment is so mutual. Let's get away from this bleak subject. The next question has to be better.” It couldn’t possibly be worse.

“Not at all. I have a 12-year-old who draws visions of the future, some of which have been of my death. So yes, I have a hunch about when I will die.” Steve reply darkly.

“But her visions change, don’t they? It’s not written in stone?” Tony asked.

“Exactly.”

“So, if your 12-year-old draws a picture of me dying wearing a gauntlet, it doesn't mean anything?”

“She’s drawn a picture of you like that?" Steve asked, sounding concerned.

“More than once, but she's also done a picture of us at a wedding. So different pathways, and we will just have to get to the right one.”

“She has also drawn you and me growing old together, so I hope we find that pathway." Steve almost sounded hopeful.

“Let’s just move on to the next question because it has to be safer.

“We could stop asking each other questions," Steve suggested.

“But then we would have to talk to each other without a guide. That could dissolve into yelling and screaming. We have to work together.” Tony wants to find the path that leads to their wedding and the two of them growing old together.

“To get the stones back?”

“Not just that. We need to get Laura back to her kids. Also, we need to keep her kids from dying and get all the other kids back. So, we need to work through everything. I want to work through things with you even if it means asking weird questions from some psychologists that wrote an article for the New York Times.” He wants to fix things. It’s been too long like this.

“Okay, we will continue. The next one might be easier. We need to name three things we have in common.” Tony snorted at that.

“We are stubborn as mules. We're just now working through our issues. I think part of that is because we now know that there is a version of us that actually did fix things and are getting married.” Because the other Steve and Tony gave him hope that maybe things could be fixed.

“That does help in some ways, but it makes things worse. Like why couldn’t they be us? Why did it take seven years to really even try to talk to each other.”

“Because we didn’t have a Leo Fitz from the future trying to fix things. Apparently, his mission was to get us to fix our relationship and then from there make out privileges were added.” Tony remarked.

“That seems plausible. But if things were different, you wouldn’t have Morgan. I wouldn't have Robin and Kamala. I wish the decimation didn't happen, but…”

“But we do love our kids.” Tony finished for Steve. “And without that cataclysmic event, we wouldn't have them."

"Yes, so much. I know we would do anything for our children."

“That’s obviously number two.”

“Agreed.”

“For number three, we are horrible at communicating with each other.” Because if they actually could talk to one another, Tony wouldn't be as desperate to use a checklist created by a newspaper psychologist.

“Yes, we are really bad at this.”

"Apparently, this is true in multiple timelines. I think Laura wants to punch us. Or lock us in a room and let us talk it out.” Tony almost said fuck it out but changed it at the last second.

“That wouldn't surprise me. Laura seems different than the woman we met during the Ultron fiasco.” Steve remarked.

“I don’t think she’s that person anymore. Experiences change you." And apparently, Laura went through some things, including being kidnapped by Ross. “You don’t want to know who I was pre-Afghanistan.”

“I know people change. You’re definitely different than who you were before Morgan was born. You’re calmer now.” Barely, Tony thought.

"Speaking of children, the next question is if you can change anything about how you grew up, what would you change?”

“That’s the question?” Tony asked.

“Actually, no," Friday responded. "Mr. May-Rogers paraphrased it, but that's the sentiment of the question.”

“Okay. You know that I retired after Morgan was born. I did that because I didn’t want to be Howard. He always put Stark Industries first, or at least that’s what I thought at the time. We probably have to go through those files from the other timeline when we're not in the middle of operation keep away. But if I could change anything, it would actually be Howard being around.”

"That's understandable," Steve responded.

“And not being an alcoholic because he was a mean drunk sometimes. Not physically, but emotionally." Tony added.

“That can be worse.”

“What would you change, snuggle monkey?” Tony asked. He did not want to get into a discussion about how Howard's alcoholism completely screwed him up.

“Not being poor. Money doesn't solve all your problems, but…"

“It can provide you with better solutions.” Tony finished for Steve.

"Exactly."

“I could understand that. I read your medical file. Even back then, there were treatments for some of your medical problems that did not require dad tinkering with your DNA.”

“They were outside of my price range. Although because of that, at least I never did anything stupid like asthma cigarettes.” Steve remarked darkly.

“Scientists make a lot of mistakes sometimes. Friday sweetheart, what's the next question on the list?” Tony asked the AI.

“You and Steve are to take four minutes to tell one another about your life." The AI instructed.

"Okay, Friday, set the timer for four minutes," Tony instructed Friday.

"I'll start. I was born in May 1970. My dad brought my mom red roses that she dried because he didn’t actually make it in time for my birth. He wasn’t around that much because work kept him away. Thankfully I had Ana and Jarvis, who were my other parents. At least until Hydra killed Ana. Not that I knew that until we got the data dump from the other timeline. I got sent to boarding school, which I understand now. I could've understood it back then if someone actually told me what the hell was going on. It was fine. I think I did better in smart kid boarding school." Yes, he's extra bitter right now.

“That’s good.”

“Not as much at MIT. I was there under my mom’s maiden name. Actually, I did a lot of stuff under my mom's maiden name.” Tony explained.

“That I knew. You probably give about 80% of your charitable donations under that name.”

“Shush, sweet pea. My turn. Most people thought I was at another school until Obadiah leaked the truth to the press. Which really should’ve told me right then how much of a dick he was, but I didn't see it at the time.”

“Sometimes that’s hard.

“Anyway, I met my first friend at MIT, who I love to pieces. I am forever grateful that he survived the snap. My parents died when I was 21, and I didn’t handle it well. This is how Tiberius talked me into doing a sex tape that he was conveniently not in but sure made a lot of money for his company. Then shortly after that, I also lost Jarvis. Things didn't get better.”

"It rarely does when you're grieving," Steve interjected.

“Actually, the drugs just got harder for a while, which led to my first few trips to rehab. Let's fast-forward to Afghanistan, where I realized how much I funked up by just drinking and designing stuff. My actions got people killed. It almost got me killed. So thanks to the advice of one wise man, I decided not to waste my life. So, I worked on trying to fix my mistakes and a few of Howard's. Then I met you, flew a nuke into a wormhole, and made several more mistakes. I screwed up things so badly that we were in pieces, so we couldn’t stop the purple one. I then got Pepper pregnant and said so many stupid things that she rightfully kicked me out. I’m still shocked Pepper is speaking to me again. Morgan is the best thing ever in my life, and I love her so much. I like being a parent. It's my favorite thing.”

“Times up," Friday interrupted.

“You're a good parent," Steve told him, sounding genuine.

“I’m trying to be. Sometimes that is all you can do. I'm glad I am going to at least see Morgan for a little while because I hate being away from her.”

“I’m sorry I took you from her.” Steve sounded genuinely remorseful.

“I want to be here.” He really does.

“You didn't at first," Steve remarked.

“I blame that on my Howard issues," Tony remarked.

“There are a lot of things that can be blamed on your Howard issues.”

“Because I have a ton of them.” Tony retorted. “Okay, snuggle bear, it is your turn.”

“Are you just going to keep coming up with cute pet names?” Steve asked.

“This is me trying not to be antagonistic. Although I can always go back to DILTF?”

"I prefer that you don't." That made Steve blush again. It was adorable.

"Tell me your story Mr. May-Rogers." Tony requested.

"My story is in the history books."

“But as you already told me a couple of hours ago, the history books are not accurate. Nobody knows about Steve Rogers's half-sister.”

“Who died during the decimation along with my niece and grandniece.” Steve lamented.

“That sucks. That is also another part of your history that is not in any book. Plus, you being bisexual isn’t public knowledge.”

“Kamala knows, and of course, my wife knows. She knows everything.”

“It's very hard to keep things from your life partner. I feel like it would be doubly so when your life partner is a spy.” Tony remarked.

“Yes. Also, Melinda's first husband was a therapist, so I think he taught her things." Steve joked.

“That would not be surprising. So let's do this differently. Tell me things about you that I don't know.” Because Tony has a feeling, Steve isn’t who he thought he was.

“Okay, my first job was at what we would now consider an underground gay bar," Steve explained. This really shouldn’t surprise Tony.

“Okay, definitely interesting. First boyfriend?” Tony asked.

“I guess you would consider Artie that," Steve explained. “We were close friends, maybe more than that. He was the first person I had sex with, at least. I was barely a teenager. But the times didn't allow for us to really be together. He died not that long before I was defrosted. Thankfully he found a life partner, though, which I'm happy about. He was a comic book artist named Grant Roth. He even kinda looks like me, so I guess Roth had a type.” Tony snickered at that. He also made a mental note to look up this Grant Roth. “That wasn't something I thought either of us would find back then.”

“But you found it.” Because he knew Steve was happy with May even if it wasn’t a pure love match.

“I thought I would always end up marrying a friend. I guess I was right.”

“You're bisexual, though, so it wouldn't just be a beard thing. Sure, you're in a marriage with benefits relationship, but sex is still one of the benefits." Tony said, half-joking.

"When it comes to women, I have a type."

“Scary ass brunettes who take no shit from anyone. I prefer snarky blondes, but that's just me.”

"Well, you are also a scary-ass brunette who takes shit from no one. So I can understand you having a different type." That almost sounded like a joke.

“Someday, when I'm not driving, I want your full relationship history, but I don't think you're ready to tell me that yet.” Tony has lots of questions.

“There are a lot of things that I'm not ready to talk about, especially those involving the war. I've barely told May some of that stuff.” Steve explained.

"Have you told the members of your group?" Tony asked.

“They tell me what they’re going through, and I try to help them work through it but sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I haven't worked through my issues. It feels like the blind leading the blind.” Steve confessed.

“At least you’re self-aware. Laura asked me if you ever worked through your adjustment disorder. Apparently, you were formally diagnosed with it a couple of months after the Siberia fuck up. Since both me and other Tony are bipolar, I feel like it's safe to assume the diagnosis also applies to you.” Tony explained. He won’t tell Steve that the formula for other Steve's antidepressants was passed on just in case.

“With the lack of therapists, I haven't really been able to do anything about it. But I have suspected that as a possibility for a while. It kind of stood out during my counselor training. Reading the description in the book, I thought this is exactly what I'm feeling."

“Acknowledgement is the first step. We can stop for now, and I can ask you more questions about your time as a bartender at an underground gay bar. That seems fascinating.” Tony really has so many questions about that.

"It paid well. Let’s finish off the section. We only have one question left."

"Go for it, sugar monkey."

"I think the last question of this section is really weird to ask somebody who already has superpowers," Steve commented.

“Now, I'm intrigued, cuddle leopard.”

“If you can wake up tomorrow with one new power, what would it be?"

“To undo the snap or maybe the ability to travel back in time to get the stones," Tony answered without even thinking.

“The same.”

“However, time travel has consequences even if it seems like all sunshine and roses in Laura’s timeline. Except Flash and Peter might be dating." Tony shivered a little at the thought.

“All powers have consequences. You just don't always realize it at the time.” Steve answered.

“That is true. Okay, we are definitely doing the rest of these questions later.” Tony already felt exhausted. “Maybe we can do the next batch on the ride home?”

"Or maybe in a couple of weeks. Question 13 is about crystal balls and seeing the future."

“That's not all it's cracked up to be. We are skipping that question." Tony is not that big of a masochist.

“Agreed.”

“Music?” Tony suggested.

“Yes.”

“Talking can be a little overrated.”

“Exactly.”

“Friday play my lab mix number two.”

“Yes, boss." Of course, that's when Friday started playing Invisible by Linkin Park. He forgot that song was on that list. It always made him think about Siberia. He did not need that right now.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all absolutely fabulous. You definitely keep me in the writing zone.

We are again in the bad timeline. This makes sense because we will have three days in this timeline before we meet back with the other timeline, only a few hours later.

Warning: This chapter does have some references to information that we discovered in WandaVision. Of course, it's been twisted for this timeline.
I’m going to behave and not put anything from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier for at least a month. However, I have thoughts. I will say, Tony managed to fix things a lot more than he thought he did. Apparently, he fixed more things than I thought he did. More to come as we go forward
Conversation 29: Warning Messages

The boss: I probably should have sent you this text message before I got on the road, but Steve and I are on our way to Pepper’s house. So, you can have the night off.

Hunter: I sincerely doubt I’ll actually have the night off. What do you need me to do?

The boss: Why do you automatically assume I'm asking for a favor?

Hunter: I’ve worked with you for four years.

The boss: Do you know what we’re working on?

Hunter: Simmons sent me several text messages. I’m actually pretty good at understanding her ramblings when she’s pissed. Which is the majority of the time. Although it’s now worse that the grandkid is missing. I told her she should have told him what she was doing. But she was worried he would've said no.

The boss: And you didn’t think to warn me?

Hunter: You didn’t want anything to do with this.

The boss: That’s not accurate. I didn’t want to lose Morgan. I didn’t want her to lose me. I’m not some heartless monster who doesn’t want to bring everyone else back. I know you lost Bobbi. We all lost people; even Carol lost her stepdaughter. Although, does the person count as your stepdaughter if the marriage happened after they were dusted?

Hunter: I know Morgan is your everything. Just like Fitz was Simmons everything. The grandkid was a close second, and now they're both gone. She’s lost because she lost everything. I hate when she’s this lost.

The boss: Deke is not exactly lost. He made contact with us from 2018, the better version. He's safe, and they're working on a plan to get him back to us.

Hunter: That’s good. Did you tell her?

The boss: Actually, that’s what I want you to do.

Hunter: I don’t know why you need me to do that. She’ll be happy. There's something else, isn't there?

The boss: There always is. Contrary to what we thought, the monolith blast didn't kill Fitz 1. It caused him to go back in time. Because he decided to try to stop the impending apocalypse, he created a new timeline.

Hunter: This is still not bad news.

The boss: He’s married to your alternate timeline counterpart. Apparently, he assumed time travel was more like Back to the Future than Star Trek.

Hunter: I need a drink.

The boss: I suggest you hit Pepper’s chocolate stash instead. I know she still has a lot of the good German stuff. You need to be able to drive.

Hunter: Friday can do that for me.

The boss: You need to go in sober.

Hunter: I realize that, but I still want one. Is it weird being jealous of your other self even though you're currently sleeping with his new husband’s widow? Although I guess widow isn’t the right word anymore.

The boss: I understand the feeling, though. My other self is engaged to Steve. Apparently, they got there by playing ridiculous icebreaker games and honest communication.

Hunter: If they’re engaged, obviously, those games weren't ridiculous.

The boss: Especially because the Accords are gone. They're already working on a purple asshole contingency plan. Better than what we did because instead of the Avengers being broken in pieces, they have like four squads working together.

Hunter: I’m surprised you haven’t gone for the bottle yet.

The boss: It was tempting when I found Simmons’ lab stash, but I called Steve to help me get rid of it. I've also gone to an AA meeting a day with Laura and had a few mini therapy sessions with her. But it’s still hard to accept that maybe things are so screwed up right now because I never tried to reach out to Steve before it was too late.

Hunter: You can’t take all of that on yourself. He could’ve reached out to you.

The boss: He made the first step. He sent me the phone. And I did write messages to him. I just never sent any. I think I did in the other timeline or Friday overrode my orders, possibly because the time-traveling Fitz told her to do it for the good of humanity.

Hunter: That’s seems like something he would do.

Hunter: I'm packing a bag. I'll go over in person to break the bad news.

Hunter: The good news depending on one’s perspective. I’m glad Fitz didn’t die.

Friday: I am sending you a primer of what you need to know and what Simmons needs to be informed of.

The boss: Friday, sweetie, since he is an expert at understanding drunk Simmons ramblings, can you please pass him all the notes.

Friday: I did keep a copy when transferring the notes to the other timeline. However, Ana 2018 said that the Simmons of that timeline would begin deciphering and send back her notes.

The boss: We should still work on doing what we can here. I want to do an all-hands meeting tomorrow with everybody.

Friday: I’ll speak to Romanoff. She is the head of the Avengers.

The boss: Right, this is her show now.

Hunter: I speak as your nanny, personal assistant, and bodyguard; you are very bad at retirement. I even know about your side businesses.

The boss: I am aware. My other self ended up the director of Shield or rather the replacement agency.

Hunter: I'm sure he can't be worse than Jeffrey. I heard stories.

The boss: Tell Pepper Pot we’ll be there in 45 minutes.

Hunter: Will do. Lucky for you, I made cookies. I'll even leave some.

The boss: You’re the best nanny/assistant I’ve ever had.

Hunter: And the only one you ever had. Even though I’m sure, Pepper felt like your nanny half the time when she was your assistant.

XXXX

Pepper pot: You know you could have sent me a text message first to let me know that you were taking our nanny away for Avenger business

Tony: It's more like we're swapping places. I am bringing Steve with me. We could take the kids to Queens. that way, you can have a night to yourself. I feel like you need half a glass of wine and some of the good chocolate.

Pepper pot: The wine is an option, but Hunter just ate the last of my chocolate stash.

Tony: I will stop off and get you more. We're almost in the City.

Pepper pot: And who is "we?" Melinda?

Tony: No, our AIs in the two timelines are conspiring with each other and sent May a bunch of work stuff. Although she's going to possibly come up on the weekend.

Pepper pot: Oh, good, we will have brunch.

Tony: You’ll be happy to know that your CCO is healthy and happy in the other timeline.

Tony: Okay, not necessarily happy but healthy. Deke also misses you.

Pepper pot: I miss him too. I could definitely use him right now, balancing work and the kids. Especially because you're taking my nanny away.

Tony: He will be back in the morning.

Pepper pot: I don’t believe you.

Tony: Okay, he probably won’t be back in the morning. I know you want Deke back, but we're working on it. And to do that, we need Hunter.

Pepper pot: Still annoyed, but only enough to put you two in the same room together.

Pepper pot: There’s no point of you going all the way back to Queens. Just stay here. Besides, I would like to go over some work stuff with you since Deke is unavailable.

Tony: Actually, I feel like Deke would like for you to text him some work stuff. Friday could send it to him. Although with the way the time windows works, it's actually better on our side. We have like two more days before we're going to be able to connect again. However, only a few hours have passed on their side.

Pepper pot: I still feel like you need someone to talk to. How are you handling things?

Tony: Ana 2018 sent me a picture of my less idiotic self kissing Steve in the Rose Garden. I only feel like crying a little.

Pepper pot: Now, was that so hard to acknowledge?

Tony: Yes, but we are trying to work through things. I don't know where this will end up, but I told Steve the truth about our relationship.

Pepper pot: How did he not know that already? May knows.

Tony: Nick Fury Junior knows everything. There’s not much you can possibly keep from her. She doesn’t share everything with the husband because he’s an idiot. Steve is a cute, adorable, fluffy idiot but still an idiot.

Tony: Him being an idiot doesn’t change the fact that he is still married to her.

Pepper pot: And if you undo the decimation, then they won’t need to stay married.

Tony: I don’t think the inhuman internment camps will go away. Ross didn't blame the decimation on the Avengers fucking up. He blamed Daisy and created this entire anti-inhuman landscape. That’s not going to go away if we bring everybody back, including the asshole’s daughter and grandkid. He's out of power, and things are still a mess.

Pepper pot: But the other timeline doesn’t have that problem?

Tony: No.

Pepper pot: Maybe you have to ask yourself why that is?

Tony: I don't know, although it seems like my other self is more hands-on.

Pepper pot: It’s something to look at.

Tony: Between everything else. I’m letting Steve drive the rest of the way here to read through reports and send text messages.

Pepper pot: That must be awful for you.

Tony: He’s actually managed to become a decent driver. It’s probably the kids.

Pepper pot: Probably.

Tony: We’re picking up your chocolate now and will be there in 20 minutes.
To be continued …
I am not

Chapter Text

Hunter: Hey, the boss is coming to visit the kids and is bringing the future boyfriend with him. So I have the night free. I'm on my way, and I'm bringing food. What do you want me to get?

Hunter: Actual food. No cocktails to go. Unless they're virginal, and what's the point. I'll mix up some fruit juice for you at the compound myself.

Hunter: I am up to bringing milkshakes. You could use one or several.

Jemma: I know that Deke is safe in 2018 with Fitz, not that he calls himself that anymore. Although I am surprised he’s using the alias he filed his patents under instead of going by Mr. Leo Hunter.

Hunter: That makes this evening slightly less awkward. I am still not bringing alcohol, but I will bring you a double fudge shake. Also, I made your favorite gluten-free chocolate chip cookie.

Hunter: I already made them before Stark called because Robin told me to. She knew you would need them.

Jemma: Cookies can’t help at a time like this. I've been trying to find him for five years, and he just chose to stay.

Hunter: Friday has been reading me the notes from the other timeline on the drive up. It seems like it's more complicated than that.

Jemma: The idiot just assumed that he was overriding the timeline and didn’t even bother to check. I checked.

Hunter: I know you did.

Hunter: Are you mad at him for moving on?

Jemma: I can’t be mad at him for moving on to you. Because that would make me a hypocrite.

Hunter: Everyone is one occasionally. But I mean in general. Are you upset that he chose to move and build a life for himself in the other timeline?

Jemma: I don’t know. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the idea that he is not dead.

Hunter: How did you even find out? Friday’s said that they were purposely keeping the truth about Fitz a secret.

Jemma: Friday has those orders, but Ana does not. She is the AI in the other timeline. Friday is now an LMD.

Jemma: Ana’s orders are to keep Thanos from happening by whatever means necessary. She sent me Deke’s text messages.

Jemma: He’s very annoyed with Bobo one.

Hunter: So that’s what we are calling him.

Jemma: Although Deke still thinks we should try to get the other Fitz back.

Hunter: We will.

Jemma: I am a drunk mess. It's why I wanted us to get Fitz here first. I can’t do this without him. But he moved on.

Hunter: Because he didn’t think he was ever coming back. I know you made some similar choices in the same situation. So you can’t judge him for doing the same thing you did.

Jemma: It wasn’t the same choice. I didn’t love Will.

Hunter: I wasn’t talking about Will.

Jemma: You’re different too. This works between us because you love Fitz too. I know you do.

Hunter: Which is why I’m planning to step aside when you bring him back.

Jemma: I don’t want you to. Considering he’s married to you in another timeline, I don’t think it would be an issue.

Hunter: I'm glad to know you're open to it. We'll talk about that when I get to the compound. I’m still on my way. I’m in the parking lot of the diner texting you.

Jemma: Cheese fries. I know not to ask you for wine.

Hunter: Because I'm not bringing you any alcohol even if you asked.

Jemma: My drinking was what Deke was most worried about. Not coming back home, but my drinking.

Hunter: Deke has a right to be concerned. He loves you. You're his only family here.

Jemma: I’m not really his grandmother. I just share the same DNA with her. I’m never going to be his grandmother.

Hunter: Don't say that. We will fix this.

Jemma: I’m late.

Hunter: And obviously not just for an appointment.

Hunter: Do I need to pick up a pregnancy test?

Jemma: I ran my blood work already.

Jemma: I’m not pregnant.

Hunter: I'm not sure how to respond to that. You know I love kids. Which surprised me because when I was with Bobbi, I was okay with us not having any.

Jemma: I drink too much to be pregnant. Even with us, I'm not even sure if we could handle a child.

Jemma: However, my other timeline counterpart is pregnant with a little Fitzsimmons. Their first anniversary was this weekend.

Hunter: Is that why you’re upset?

Jemma: I don’t know. Reading Deke’s words and knowing that Fitz could move forward hurts. It made me realize that I wasted everything wallowing in my own misery. What have I done? Nothing at all. I am either drunk or in the framework all the time.

Hunter: You managed to make a bridge between two dimensions. Imagine what you could do if you were actually sober.

Jemma: I’m not even sure what I actually did. I don’t remember.

Hunter: I will help you figure it out. You're still brilliant. You just need to come out of the alcohol fog.

Jemma: Do you think I should go with Laura to her next AA meeting?

Hunter: I think you should go when you’re ready.

Jemma: I want to be better. I don’t want to stay like this. I don’t like this person I’ve become.

Hunter: Acknowledgment is the first step. I will help you get to where you want to go. I’ll be there in 20 minutes, with your cheese fries.

Jemma: Okay. I’ll be waiting.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

From: Lily bear
To: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
Time sent: 03/25/2018 09:05:41
Subject: Mom really is in another timeline

Hey, Uncle Tony:

When will you be back from DC? Connor is being an emotionless prick. I know mom is stuck in another timeline, but that’s no excuse. You should know we made contact with her this morning. I got to speak with her. She’s safe. Which is good.

I might get to talk to her again at 2 PM. Ana suggested that I make a video since the other Avengers will have important things to discuss with Mom. Also, this way, Nikki can say hi. He really misses his mom--divorce sucks. They say this is just a separation, but I know better. I know the end is coming.

Dad likes your idea of sending us to Malta. Connor is against it because he doesn’t think you should send him to Malta if you're not sending Benji, MJ, and Flash. He doesn't get that there's a big difference between a normal 13-year-old and a 16-year-old with superpowers. MJ may not have powers, but she does have agent training. Also, Flash is 18 and can do whatever he wants. Again, my brother is a brat. I’m glad my parents decided to have another kid because baby brothers are so much better.

Anyway, I got to go. K is calling. She wants to know what’s going on since she’s now on her way to Malta. She’s not happy about that and is sure something's going on. She wants to stay and fight. How much does she know? What am I allowed to tell my BFF?

Xx
From: Baby Girl Friday
To: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
Time sent: 03/25/2018 09:21:41
Subject: Sorry, I did too much science. Don’t worry, I'm going to bed now.

Hey Dad,

I am sorry we did all night science. We just had to finish the project, but we're done now. Actually, I’m emailing you now because we're all going to go to sleep. Even me because apparently, I do need rest now. I think Wanda is slowly making me a real girl. I have mixed feelings about this. She better not make me have a period. This is her revenge for Obadiah's treachery leading to her parents' death. Never suggest classic Dick Van Dyke for Avenger movie night.

I’m going to sleep in my own room, not in the cuddle pile going on between Benji, MJ, and Flash. See the picture attached. They are in one of the Embassy guest rooms altogether because there are king-size beds here. They remodeled rooms on this level not to look like barracks to ride out the apocalypse. Everybody’s wearing clothing, but they're just the cutest. A sleepy Benji just crawled in between the two. I have video.

Our sleep deprivation was for a good cause. So good news we can now send text messages to Laura in the other timeline. The bad news is we can only do it in certain windows. Plus, time moves faster on their side than on our side. Or rather, more time moves on their side between windows than on our side. The princess is going to see if she can fix that. The AIs are running the numbers as we sleep.

Apparently, I only need to sleep for two hours, which will be enough to override Wanda’s forced sleep requirement. Although if it’s an emergency, really, she should let it go. Ana is going to look into that.

Also, I want to lock the entire Fitzsimmons-Hunter family in a room together until they work out all of their bull shit. It’s either that or send them to the other side of the country because I just can’t deal with them. I want to punch somebody, but that would be inappropriate. I’m going to sleep.

I'll see you at 2 PM. That's when the next window is between the two timelines. Because of that, we are having an all-hands meeting. You will be there by then, right? Ana will give you details because I’m sleepy. Wanda, why did you do this to me?

Anyway, love you.

X
XXX
From: Pepper
To: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
Time sent: 03/25/2018 10:05:04
Subject: If you’re going to go make out with your boyfriend in the Rose Garden, I deserve to know first.

A little warning about the Rose Garden pardon ceremony yesterday would’ve been nice. For PR purposes, if nothing else. I know you don’t work for SI anymore, but I like to know these things as your friend. I know you have a lot going on with Laura being MIA and Steve being back on American soil. However, I expect you to call me, especially when I’m supposed to be providing cover for your kids being out of school. You owe me an explanation of why I am covering your ass.

It is way too early West Coast time for me to be dealing with this. The principal called Kevin on his personal number because apparently, one of Kevin’s kids went to Midtown before the relocation. The principal knows him personally. Kevin covered because he is the best. Again, I would like to know what is happening.

I feel like there’s a lot going on because Ana tried to schedule me on a three-week vacation to Malta in the middle of April. I feel like I’m missing something beyond a missing Laura. Write me back or call me. I deserve an explanation.

Also, why can’t I get a hold of my CCO right now? I’ve called three times and nothing. By this morning, I got desperate and texted Hunter, and still nothing. Aliens are coming, right? Do I have to let the board know that James is actually the head of the UN Avengers and a super-spy secret agent?

XXXX
From: Kate Carbonell
To: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
Time sent: 03/25/2018 09:59:41
Subject: I need to find a new job

Hi, Uncle Tony:

I really hate my job. Especially because things are going on that I don’t know about. Half the people here are ridiculously incompetent. Jimmy is either an idiot and doesn’t realize half of what's going on, or he’s kind of in love with Scott and ignoring the obvious. I’m trying to decide if I ship it. Regardless, I’m probably going to be spending some quality time at Scott’s place.

Did you buy him that house? It feels like your type of guilt present. There’s no way he can afford a place like that in San Francisco. I know you’re personally paying for my rent here. Cousin Ana told me. Apparently, you didn’t like the housing the agency provided before.

Anyway please call me when you get a chance. I would love to face time with you. Also, you should get to see my new apartment since I’m sure you’re paying for it.

XXXX

From: James_R
To: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
Time sent: 03/25/2018 10:43:41
Subject: I miss the Air Force

You know there are days when I deeply regret leaving the Air Force. Like today when I was forced to make an unscheduled diplomatic visit to Norway. I’m pretty sure I’m the distraction, so the King of Cats and his team can do their thing. The life of a Deputy Assistant Secretary is exhausting.

We’re bringing back a souvenir, but unfortunately, you’ll have to go visit the princess’s lab to see it. Joey is very good at collecting souvenirs, especially rare metals, and Vision is very good at carrying them.

XXXX

From: Principal_Morita_Midtown
To: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
Time sent: 03/25/2018 10:45:41
Subject: Please contact me directly when your children need to be excused from classes

If your children need to be excused for national security reasons, please call me yourself. Do not have your AI call me to give an obvious and laughable explanation for their absence. Please let me know at your earliest convenience why my counselor is unavailable for the unforeseen future.

Xxxxx
“I should’ve never looked at my emails," Tony said, looking up from his phone. They were now on the Zephyr One, heading back to the Lighthouse.

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

“I only showed you the most important ones. I will answer the rest.” Ana replied. That makes sense because he has 285 unread messages between his two accounts.

“You're the best, Ana. Especially because you considered nothing from Talbot as being necessary.”

"I aim to please, sir," Ana replied.

“Please tell Dr. Leopold to go call his boss and explain everything that’s happening.”

“He’s currently asleep.” That makes sense from Afia’s earlier email.

“OK, can you explain to Pepper what’s happening until Dr. Leopold is conscious enough to talk to his boss himself? Also, dust off the strategy to tell the board that he's an Avenger. We might need it soon."

"Of course, sir. Do you want me to tell her what is actually happening or the public consumption version?” Ana asked.

“Tell her what is actually happening. Pepper is already going to be mad at me for having you call her. Also, see if you can convince her to go to Malta? I would like her not to end up collateral damage from the purple one.” He is sure she’ll say no, but he needs to try. He is still surprised May Parker Riley agreed to go. But maybe she’s just going for Miles’s sake.

“I will try, but she may want to speak to you directly," Ana replied.

“That’s understandable. If that happens, tell Pepper I'll talk to her after the 2 PM meeting. She’s a CEO; she understands schedules and not actually having a weekend." Tony lamented.

"I can contact some of these people for you if it would help?" His fiancé offered.

“I don't think Sharon would appreciate you contacting her right now. Also, the protocol dictates it has to be me. Especially because part of her cover is me being her uncle.” Tony wonders what member of the team that creates fake identities he pissed off that week. But since he already had a secret daughter come out of the woodwork, he can have a secret niece.

“I could call off this principal. I am listed now as Afia’s other parent, right?”

“Yes. You’re also an alternate guardian for MJ and Peter.” Ana responded.

“With MJ being targeted because the public now knows that she is Quake's cousin, her mom felt it was a good idea. So we’re both alternate guardians right now.” Tony explained.

“What about Flash?” Steve asked. Which is why he’s the best fiancé ever.

“If you had signed the Mumbai agreement before his 18th birthday last week, you would have also been his guardian. However, since he is legally an adult, it's not necessary anymore. Although, I think I’m still allowed to call in medical excuses and things like that. So maybe ask the principal how that works with Flash being 18 even though I was his legal guardian before then because his parents were trash. I am still his legal next of kin." He is still protective of Flash even though he let him get his own apartment. (That Tony owns, but Flash doesn’t know that.)

“I’ll ask. I’ll go call the principal in the other room so I don’t disturb you.” Steve said as he leaned over to kiss Tony.

“You are the best fiancé.”

Xxx
From: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
To: monkey lover forever
Time sent: 03/25/2018 12:01:13
Subject: Call Pepper Pot. She’s pissed off at all of us

When you get up from quality Hunter time or recovering from last night's science, call Pepper. For the sake of time, I had Ana contact her and give her the basics of what’s happening, but she probably will want to talk to you. Or maybe scream at you. It could be either right now.

Also, even though I'm the boss, apparently we have an all-hands at 2 PM. This means I am still not going to get to spend any quality time with my Fiancé yet. I’ve barely managed to get any kissing in.

Also, congratulations on perfecting trans-dimensional text messaging. We will definitely be talking about that when I get in.

PS: You need to decide how you’re going to tell the board that you’re actually an Avenger and Widow with science skills. We're probably not going to be able to keep that a secret during active apocalypse mode.
Xxx

From: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
To: baby girl Friday
Time sent: 03/25/2018 12:04:41
Subject: I’m happy you’re sleeping

I’m glad you’re resting now. Although I am concerned about that all night science but apparently, it was for a good cause. I heard from Lily bear that she got to text her mom. Which was good because I was very worried about her. I would love a scientific explanation for all of that, but I am sure it’s going to have to wait until I get there.

We are on our way back to the Lighthouse after finishing the morning talk show circuit. Good news, I did not punch out Chuck Todd even though I really want it to. He’s only slightly more tolerable than Everhart. Some of the questions with Steve went a little bit over the line. Apparently, everybody wants him to become Captain America again, probably because they can’t handle Asian Captain America. They couldn’t handle a not White Cap the first time around either. Fuck them all.

Steve is much happier being Nomad and isn’t going back to the old identity even if he’s no longer a fugitive. He misses his shield but doesn’t miss all the pressure that goes along with the shield. The paragon of virtue Captain America can't be gay (I hate "no bisexuals"), but Nomad can have a husband. It’s easier for Steve to find his place this way.

I should probably talk to the princess to see if we can develop a better classic-like shield for Steve. I do agree with her that dad's original design was a waste of a precious resource. There are more economical and technologically advanced ways to get the same result with fewer raw materials. Yes, he has the digital version, but I think he misses the classic. He can’t throw the digital shield.

Xxx
From: Tony_Carbonell-Rogers
To: Lily bear
Time sent: 03/25/2018 12:11:23
Subject: I’m glad you were able to talk to your mom.

Hey sweetie. I’m glad that you got to talk to your mom. I promise that we will work on getting her back as soon as possible. Apparently, there’s a meeting as soon as I get back to discuss that. Unfortunately, for reasons Ana refuses to elaborate on, it's not something that can be moved.

Ms. Marvel knows some of what’s going on but not all of it. She doesn't know what happened to Uncle Phil. Let’s try to keep all information related to alien invasions in house for the moment. Although she does know your mom went missing. She doesn’t know that your mom is in another timeline. If you tell her that, make sure you use the Young Avenger line, not regular text messaging. There’s a reason why you and your BFF have a separate line; use it.

Sorry, I can’t do anything about the brother. 13 is a weird age, and he’s probably not going to come out of it for a while. Hopefully, the stupidity will wear off sooner rather than later. If I could, I would send the other kids to Malta as well. However, I know them too well at this point. Also, at least one of them has field training. The other one has been trained by Pepper which can be just as lethal. Anyway, I’ll be back soon.
PS: I brought chocolate
XXXX
"OK, emails are all done," Tony said after dictating the last message to Ana. "How did your phone call go?”

“Jim’s grandson would like for you to consider Brooklyn Vision Academy for your kids for next semester or possibly private school," Steve replied dryly.

“If it wasn't for the sake of socialization, Peter would be in college next year, and Flash would just finish up via a GED and work with Pepper. But the boys wouldn’t like that. MJ is Ms. Jones’s problem. What did you tell him about Laurel?”

“Not the real reason because his mother and grandmother were there. Jim’s wife wants to know why I’m marrying you.”

“I ask myself that question all the time." Tony joked.

“I told her she can find out at the wedding.”

"Because, of course, the howling commando widows and children will be there." Tony is not surprised, nor is he going to complain.

“Only Ena, she is the only one still alive. I don’t think Daisy could take seeing Dugan’s daughter at the wedding.” Because she was also Agent Triplett’s mother.

"OK, we have 45 minutes before we get to the Lighthouse. So, I say we eat something while I contact platypus and Carter Junior.”

“There are Mozzarella, pesto, and prosciutto sandwiches in the kitchen area. However, I believe you should wait until after the 2 PM meeting to contact Agent Carter Junior. There will be pertinent information revealed at that briefing that you will need to pass on to her.” Ana told him.

"And I rather not have to talk to Sharon twice in the same day. Ana, send her a quick email that says I will call her after my 2 o’clock business meeting.”

"Of course, sir," Ana replied.

“Things will calm down soon," Steve said as he squeezed Tony's hand.

“As soon as we’re not dealing with multiple Apocalypses simultaneously." Because, of course, they are. At least the Confederacy has already been handled. The earth was still in one piece, so that’s a win.

“Although then we will be working on our wedding." Fingers crossed, they both survive this.

“We're taking a two-month honeymoon.” Tony sighed, exhausted.

“Agreed. I will grab you a sandwich while you text message the Deputy Secretary.” Tony responded by leaning over to kiss his fiancée.

“You are the best.”
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Chief mechanic: Hey, sorry I didn’t get back to you immediately, but Jeffrey decided that prancing around Sunday morning TV was necessary for the sake of the Galaxy. I miss the days when I could go on Good Morning America. You know what I think of Chuck Todd. Robin is the best.

D: At least Jeffrey knew better than to force you to go on Everhart’s program.

Chief mechanic: I know I’m part of an administration that loves WHiH and Fox News, but Jeffrey learned his lesson early on. Especially now that I’m making a joint appearance with my fiancé. Besides, you know I don’t like to give any company owned by Tiberius any actual business.

Chief mechanic: Well, beyond the sex tape that I know he is still profiting from.

D: I know.

Chief mechanic: Speaking of business. How is Norway? Did you get any souvenirs? Oh, and if the daughter-in-law is with you, tell her to call baby girl tonight. She’s worried she is becoming a real girl with monthly annoyance included. I would like to know if I need to start making tampon runs.

D: Wanda will text her later. I assume by souvenirs, you mean a reconstructed hammer? Yes. Ana should be pushing you footage now.

Chief mechanic: Joey actually could put the hammer back together? He is very powerful.

D: That’s why I sent you the footage instead of just telling you. Yes. The other agents couldn’t even pick up the pieces, but Joey could put them back together again. The hammer didn’t want to come back together, but Joey told them about Thanos. They want to help.

Chief mechanic: Sentient metal. I’ve always suspected something like that, but I am still surprised. Did the nearly reconstructed hammer let Joey pick it up?

D: No, he’s not worthy. Vision still is, thankfully.

Chief mechanic: This is good because otherwise, I would probably have to ship my daughter off to Norway to see if she could lift it. Although she’s a little bit more mischievous than her older brother. So we may have had ourselves a problem.

D: My niece can probably find out during spring break. We are currently escorting the hammer to Wakanda. The king mentions that his sister was planning to come back Saturday and will be bringing her friends.

Chief mechanic: That’s fine. It would be spring break, and I would actually like to get them out of New York. I would send the high school kids to Malta with the little kids, but I’m already having trouble with our middle school kids. Ms. Marvel thinks that she can be useful and shouldn’t be shipped off. I’ve also heard Connor doesn’t want to leave. Lily bear, bless her heart, is reasonable and baby Nat is too little to know what the fuck is going on. I envy that child sometimes.

D: What about baby spider?

Chief mechanic: He knows better than to argue with May and is looking forward to quality beach time. I might be able to ship Flash off to the West Coast to work with Pepper, but he’s not leaving Ninja spider. I definitely know I can’t send him away. If they’re staying, MJ is staying because they’re all so stubborn. And I’m not even going to try with Afia.

D: You raise very stubborn kids, Stark.

Chief mechanic: You’ve met my co-parent. This should not surprise you.

D: And May PR is actually worse than Steve. Do you realize you have two co-parents?

Chief mechanic: Yes. Are you coming back, or are you taking an extended vacation?

D: I’m coming back after some meetings in Wakanda as part of my day job.

Chief mechanic: Of course, you have to take some meetings with various heads of state, Mr. Deputy Secretary Of State.

Chief mechanic: Do you know that in the other timeline, you’re Vice President? That’s like one of the few nice things going on there.

D: How did that happen?

Chief mechanic: Ross ended up president after the snap because everybody else in the line of succession got snapped. It was a bad few years until they were able to do elections again in 2022.

D: 2022?

Chief mechanic: Yes, they couldn’t have elections in 2020. Things were still too messed up, or at least that’s what Ross argued. The president that they already had before was setting the groundwork anyway for an authoritarian regime.

D: The one that Leo kept the Russian government from installing?

Chief mechanic: Yes. Anyway, your current boss Madeline Rice managed to beat him and made you her VP. After she switched parties, of course. Overthrowing democracy was a dealbreaker for her.

Chief mechanic: Apparently, you’re just now starting to undo the damage and inhuman internment camps, but you’ve only been in office with Rice for seven months.

D: When did you have time to read through that? I haven’t even had time to read anything that came from the other timeline, even though Ann sent me a pre-brief a few hours ago. I’ve managed to get through about a page of the highlights.

Chief mechanic: It’s easier to read things when you’re on standby to be interviewed by people you really don’t like. Or during boring meetings. I just let snuggle bear do the talking. Your big boss was not impressed with Stevie Bear’s tells of the confederacy or their warnings. He thinks it was just an attempt to extort resources.

Chief mechanic: Which, judging by notes from the other timeline, was exactly what they were doing, but they were not entirely lying about the purple one, just manipulating the situation for their own purposes. However, the big boss won’t even let us set up a meeting with the SWORD people.

Chief mechanic: Actually, the POTUS is shocked I even know about SWORD at the moment. Per the notes, the current head might be the key to contacting the mysterious Carol.

Chief mechanic: She may also benefit from Wakanda’s advancements in cancer research. Her successor from the bad timeline is a jackass. I think it would be best for the Wakanda government to make sure he never comes into power. Also, I need to talk to the lawyers about protecting the bodies of my children. That way, in the event of their untimely death, they won’t become government science experiments. They are not sentient weapons, the fucking asshole.

D: Did you sleep last night? You can’t be mad at somebody for something that happened in the other timeline.

Chief mechanic: For about three hours because Steve made me. Orgasms always make me sleepy.

Chief mechanic: Yes, I fucking can be angry about somebody trying to turn a dead Vision into a weapon no matter what timeline it happens in.

D: Take a nap. Also, I didn’t want to know about your sex life when we shared an apartment at MIT. I don’t want to know now.

Chief mechanic: I didn’t have a sex life when we were at MIT. I was too young. Also, Sharon’s mom scared everyone away because she was a very protective pseudo-cousin.

D: So you completely forgot about that time I found your giant purple dildo in the sink?

Chief mechanic: OK, I did not have a sex life at MIT that involved other people. That was a prototype, BTW. I was going to sleep on the flight back to the lighthouse as I snuggled against Stevie bear. However, I was an idiot and checked through my urgent emails first.

D: You could’ve had your deputy respond to me? Who is your deputy right now? McKenzie?

Chief mechanic: Agent Agent, but I think part of that decision was because Phil is on the East Coast. I left him behind in DC to get the president to get his head out of his ass. As well as try to get a meeting with Director Rambeau. It’s good for him to have a distraction. Besides, as my BFF, I always try to return your messages myself.

D: You still haven’t heard anything from Agent Johnson?

Chief mechanic: No. Going by what happened in the other timeline, she’s either on some weird planet with Bruce bear or Asgard. I’m not sure which would be better.

D: You know where Bruce is?

Chief mechanic: He managed to accidentally go through a portal in space. He ended up getting captured and becoming a gladiator for about three years. Somehow Thor and his brother ended up there. The notes are really sketchy after that. I guess that goes on the list of things to ask about.

Ana Junior: It is already on the list. However, my main objective is to acquire the locations of all the stones in 2018.

D: There’s a plan?

Chief mechanic: Of course, there’s a plan.

Chief mechanic: Be ready to conference in at 2 PM eastern time. I don’t think we’re going to be able to do video or even voice. Actually, I’m not sure how that will go since we’re conferencing with our alternate timeline counterparts. It should be fun.

Xxx
Avenger mission report of Agent Daisy Johnson; UN Avengers member
location: Grand Master’s palace, on Sakaar (I finally know how to spell it)
Time: (I still don’t understand the local calendar) 201 hours after arrival

It’s been 201 hours since I first arrived here, and I’m back to wanting to smack Loki upside his damn head. He is sleeping with the grandmaster. I think it’s stupid. He thinks it’s the best way to survive. As well as our best shot of trying to find a way off of this planet. After 201 hours, I’ve concluded that these messages probably aren’t making their way to earth, or they’re taking weeks or months to get there. So I can’t sit around waiting for Robbie to come to rescue us. We’re going to have to save ourselves.

So far, I know that there are lots of portals surrounding Sakaar. I wonder if I can manipulate the portals with my powers? It’s something I can ask Loki about when I’m speaking to him again.

I wonder how Simmons spent an entire summer on the planet of the Damned with just one other person for contact? I hate it here and want to go home. I really miss my girlfriend and my cousin.
To be continued

Chapter Text

Agent Laura: So, you will be happy to know that getting Hunter involved was the right choice. We just had dinner together with May. Simmons acknowledges that she is drinking too much. She wants me to help her get sober.

Tony: Hunter is definitely getting a raise. Not that I’ll ever actually be able to pay him enough for all he does. He’s a child whisper.

Tony: So, am I sending her to Pinecrest or Pleasant Hills?

Agent Laura: I’m not sure either is an option for her. If she tells the psychologist or addiction specialist that the trigger was her fiancé getting swallowed by a monolith that allows people to travel through time, what would happen? Granted, this is a world where half of the people disappeared, but some things are still too weird.

Tony: I see your point.

Agent Laura: Back in my timeline, we have our own addiction program in-house for the ATCU/shield. It was actually your other self’s idea. Your old Florida property is now the rehab house there.

Tony: I could see the advantage of a superhero/super agent rehab center. We don’t have just Simmons; we also have Thor. I think I still have that property. Or maybe I transferred it to Pepper after Morgan was born. I don’t remember right now.

Agent Barton: My Tony can’t remember everything he owns either. Even with everything in the trust until he no longer works for the federal government.

Tony: It’s good to know some things are universal. If we want something closer, I have several places in Jersey, including one in Westview. I helped Vision buy a home for Wanda before it all fell apart. Robin convinced me to finish it. It could make a good rehab place.

Agent Laura: You bought the couple someplace really nice in Europe, although I don’t know where for security reasons. It was a wedding present. We might need a few potential rehab houses or even places for the resurrected Avengers and family to live. I’ll discuss it with Friday. I’ll start things, and then I’ll try to find someone else to turn everything over to you. I think I might have a lead.

Tony: I feel there is a but coming.

Agent Laura: Would you be Simmons AA sponsor?

Tony: I’m not saying no, but why me? I consider it a miracle that I haven’t relapsed for a while.

Agent Laura: Well, unlike most people, you understand her world complete with multiple timeline fiancés and everything else. You also both speak the language of science.

Tony: True.

Agent Laura: Also, her boyfriend is your nanny. I think she needs to stay with Hunter for a while. She’s better when she’s with him. She won’t make it without him.

Tony: Will this change if we bring Fitz back? The snapped version, not the one who is married to Hunter in the other timeline. I think he is staying there for good.

Agent Laura: I don’t think it will. I heard Robin drew a picture of the three together. It seems obvious that there’s a third option on the table here.

Tony: I saw that picture, and it made Hunter very sad.

Agent Laura: It doesn’t anymore.

Tony: Because it means we’re going to succeed?

Agent Laura: Maybe. At least we know there’s a potential timeline where we bring dusted Fitz back, and you will need a place for Wanda to live. To get to that better reality, we have to find the stones in my timeline and bring them here.

Agent Laura: We’re going to work on the timeline tomorrow and have it ready for the princess 2018. The general was really helpful, and she put me in contact with Rocket and Nebula. They’re on their way to help. They bonded with Deke when looking for Fitz. They also want to get their friends back.

Tony: You are good.

Agent Laura: The Guardians probably won’t get here until after our next meeting. But they are going to send me what they have on the stones. Friday and I are working on it.

Tony: Good. What about Scott?

Agent Laura: I outsource that to Natasha. It was Clint’s idea.

Tony: That was brave.

Agent Laura: Natasha is a softy. She’s always liked me. Besides, I need to focus on Simmons and Clint right now. I’ve barely gotten him to the point he’ll eat pizza with me. It was a miraculous first step.

Tony: That is true.

Agent Laura: How are things going with Steve? You didn’t strangle him on the way to Manhattan?

Tony: No strangling of any type, even the safe word variety. I’m not sure either of us would be up to that anyway.

Agent Laura: I think that’s on the hard no list for my Steve and Tony.

Tony: Well, somebody has had a fun separation. I can see it.

Agent Laura: Even though I’ve been part of an open marriage for a long time, even before the separation, I know better than to fuck Dr. and Mr. Stark-Rogers. You two are just way too needy. Some relationships really are platonic.

Agent Laura: I know about the list because although Pepper is still my Tony’s best friend, there are some things you don’t discuss with your ex-girlfriend. So I get all the sex stuff.

Tony: You have a point. Do those boundaries change when you have children together? Because Pepper has decided to force Steve and me to share a room tonight.

Tony: Don’t suggest sleeping in Hunter’s room because I considered that but then found a bottle of KY just sitting on top of the bed, and nope.

Agent Laura: It’s not the first time you’ve shared a bed with Steve. Boundaries disappear once you have children together. Even when you’re dealing with your spouse from another timeline.

Tony: It’s been eight years and the realization that he is married to me in another timeline. That’s a lot of baggage to bring into bed.

Agent Laura: Engaged. The wedding wasn’t supposed to take place until April. I think they’re going to have to get a new date anyway.

Tony: Why?

Agent Laura: Because their original wedding date happens to coincide with when the attack happened here. I think the grooms consider that a bad omen.

Tony: That makes sense. Of course, I would choose the day of the invasion. My original wedding to Pepper was supposed to be the week after the invasion.

Agent Laura: I think the April date got chosen because an algorithm Tony created said it was the day less likely to have an alien invasion.

Tony: The algorithm was wrong or possibly reversed. They should’ve consulted Robin.

Agent Laura: Possibly. So did you actually talk to Steve?

Tony: I now know about his abusive alcoholic father and a half-sister in Nevada. BTW she didn’t survive the decimation.

Agent Laura: That’s horrible. She’s so nice. We’ve visited her a few times. She adores Afia and Miles. She thinks Flash is a prick, but that’s his defense mechanism half the time.

Tony: Understandable.

Tony: Friday also talked us into doing the 36 questions that lead to love. Or rather, she forced us to on your orders.

Agent Laura: I see Friday being a little Emma is a universal constant no matter what form she is in. I wonder if she’s made any progress on Spider Venom.

Tony: I don’t even want to know what ship that is.

Agent Laura: Flash and Peter. You and Steve are Stony.

Tony: That was prophetic. It’s definitely been stony.

Agent Laura: I am glad you and Steve had a real conversation, even if you needed help from the New York Times. How many questions did you get through?

Tony: The first 13 before I turned on the radio. Although when Friday decided to play Linkin Park’s invisible, I felt it was time to let Steve drive so I could send text messages and read through reports. Deke’s interview with Ana 2018 was illuminating. I think I know where I need to start now with fixing things on our side.

Agent Laura: I think Friday has notes on their research and the specs on their multidimensional communications device.

Tony: Which I should probably duplicate on our side when I get home.

Tony: Simmons can stay at the cabin for a while once we get all of this done. And I’ll be her sponsor.

Agent Laura: Good.

Tony: You’re going to have to find a specialist because you’re probably going to need one for Thor as well.

Agent Laura: Why? You mentioned for before, but you didn’t give me any details.

Tony: Thor lost his father, friends, brother, and planet in less than a month. He also went for the heart instead of the head, and therefore he blames himself for Thanos succeeding. It was made worse by Jane being dusted. I think only Dr. Darcy made it. He lost practically everything and didn’t cope in the best way.

Agent Laura: Even gods can become alcoholics?

Tony: Yes. I have Friday keeping an eye on him, and it’s not good.

Agent Laura: So, I guess we are recruiting him for our little project?

Tony: Well, he is the only one who actually knows exactly where the Tesseract was in 2018, so yes. His home planet was a big place. The Valkyries’ report had some missing details.

Agent Laura: OK, I’ll just get the avenger rehab center altogether. Do you think if we can get the dimensional travel thing done, we can bring Dr. Suarez here? It might be better to bring someone else and for my side.

Tony: Who is Dr. Suarez?

Agent Laura: Your former therapist and the head of the ATCU’s psych department. We are a bit more social work than spy agency now. We do more outreach and fewer guns blazing. We are training more counselors like me to be agents. It’s something that your other self pushed for. Thankfully the President agreed with us.

Tony: Really?

Agent Laura: OK, Suarez and I came up with it, but Tony went along and managed to make the President see our point of view. We’re trying to demilitarize and rethink what the agency can do.

Tony: Really?

Agent Laura: Yes. Look, a lot of old Shield’s problems were Hydra-related, but not all of them were. Maybe you shouldn’t send people in with guns to deal with those that suddenly develop superpowers. That is just asking to escalate the situation. Social workers can do more.

Tony: True.

Agent Laura: Hey Friday, can you see if Dr. Suarez survived the decimation and is available? I want to bring her in.

Friday: Unfortunately, she did not.

Agent Laura: What about Dr. Margarita Cruz?

Friday: She actually did survive. She is now a professor of psychology at Empire State. She recently worked as a therapist for SWORD but left two years ago when the new director took over.

Tony: Smart woman.

Agent Laura: This does not surprise me. She still former Shield because she was when the timeline divided?

Friday: Yes.

Agent Laura: OK, that can make things easier. What is Sword?

Tony: Shield replacement agency here. The official one. May’s team is really just an extension of the Avengers at this point. It was founded by Carol’s late wife. Unfortunately, the guy who took over was a Dick, so no wonder Doctor Cruz got the hell out of there.

Agent Laura: I guess I have something else to work on. Although now I want to know who Carol is? Robin 2018 has been telling us we need her for the last year. Coulson doesn’t remember who she is because Nikki messed with his memories.

Tony: That sounds like something patches would do.

Friday: I will prepare a primer for you and the Avengers of 2018.

Tony: I’m available to answer questions. Although I’m going to go to Steve now because I’m exhausted. We are totally going to end up sharing a bed, aren’t we?

Agent Laura: Like you don’t want to.

Tony: I can want to do something and still be fucking terrified. I’m good at that.

Agent Laura: You are, and this is one of those times. However, you are a strong person, and you will get through this.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

“So, I have good news and bad news,” Tony said, walking into the guest room Pepper took Steve to after storytime earlier. He was carrying his overnight bag.

“Does Morgan need another story? She’s already had three.” Morgan didn’t want him to leave. Although he adored Tony’s daughter, he also needed sleep. Which seems weird. He’s gone for days without sleep because of missions. However, a full day around Tony has mentally exhausted him in a completely different way.

“So good news, Simmons has admitted she has a problem, and Laura will help design a treatment game plan. We might have to import a drug counselor from the good timeline. Someone that won’t freak out when we explained her fiancé accidentally time traveled and created a new timeline along with marrying someone else.” Tony sighed as he sat down in the chair across from the bed.

“At least it’s an option now. We made the right choice coming up here if Hunter helped her get to that realization.” Steve rationalized.

“This trip was definitely worth it because I now have like 50 photos of you being cuddled by the kids. You’re adorable when you’re being cuddled by a four-year-old.” Tony remarked. “She will be five soon. She’s getting so big. I’m pretty sure she grew half an inch while I was at the compound.”

“I feel that way every time Kamala comes home for the weekend. Morgan will be a teenager before you know it.”

“Teenage years are overrated. I still don’t get why other me went straight to teenagehood.” Tony sighed. “He has a whole gaggle of teenagers.”

“Because he came across kids that needed him. So what’s your bad news?” Steve asked.

“I considered sleeping in Hunter’s room after I remade the bed, but I found a bottle of KY in the middle of it. I’m just not going to be able to sleep in there. How could he defile my guest room so quickly?” Tony shuddered.

“One, this is Pepper’s house, as you told me earlier. Two, that’s Hunter’s usual room.” Steve said pointedly.

“True, but I do have a room here. Actually, this is my room.” This explains the ridiculously soft sheets on the bed. Also the fact the color scheme was the same as Tony’s room at the compound. Steve never had the heart to give it to someone else. It’s not like they didn’t have the space even with Melinda’s people there. “Robin is in the guestroom. However, I promise that the sheets are clean, and all my sex toys are in the bathroom at the cabin.” Steve instantly thought about Tony lying naked on the most likely $2000 sheets with Steve using one of those toys on him. That was not a thought he needed to have right now. Especially considering what he found in his toiletry bag a few minutes ago.

“It would be in bad taste to do anything like that here.” Steve will not think about Tony using those toys on himself in this bed.

“Thank you for telling me. It’s fine. I’ll sleep on the couch; it wouldn’t be the first time. I don’t want to kick you out of your own bedroom.”

“That’s not happening. You are ridiculously tall now, and you’ll kill Pepper’s couch. She loves that couch. They went out of business after the snap, so I’m never going to be able to find a replacement. Besides, I was reminded by Laura that we shared a bed before.” It happened during the Ultron fiasco. They somehow woke up tangled around each other, fully erect, and agreed never to talk about it. In hindsight, that was probably a mistake.

“Right, she would know that because Ultron happened before the timelines diverged.” This meant it’s an experience that the happy couple also shared. Friday implied that things went quickly because they were already in love with each other. This means seven years ago, he and Tony were already in love with each other, but seven years is a long time.

“I wish it wasn’t something that happened in both timelines. That mess is still my number three regret.” Tony explained.

“What are the first two?” Am I one of your regrets? Steve wanted to ask instead, but he knew better.

“Number two is accusing Pepper of cheating on me when she ended up pregnant with Morgan. That’s the main reason we’re not together anymore.” Steve felt that there was probably another reason, but he chose not to press on that issue at the moment.

“Why did you do that?” Steve chose to ask instead.

“Because before the magic snap, I was sterile. You can’t suffer Palladium poisoning without some long-term side effects. But the purple ass hole fixed my sperm count, so here we are. Which leads us to number one because my biggest regret is us being so in pieces we couldn’t stop the purple ass hole from wiping out half of all life.” Tony confessed.

“That’s also my biggest regret.” Because it’s obvious from the other timeline that they at least have a chance to defeat Thanos because those Avengers are still together.

“It’s weird how the best thing in your life can be connected to the worst thing.” He could hear what Tony was really saying. If they didn’t lose, he would never have had Morgan. That was a heavy thought.

“Some days, I wish they found me sooner, or I never went in the ocean. But then, if things were different, I would not have met you. I wouldn’t have met May or have Robin as my daughter. If Pauly didn’t die, I wouldn’t have Robin either. If the snap didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have Kamala. It feels weird that something so horrible can lead to such good things.” Steve lamented.

“We are professional lemonade makers. At the same time, you feel guilty because you are here enjoying the good stuff when other people are not.” Tony remarked.

“I’m always telling my group not to feel guilty. That we are here for a reason, and we should make the best of the life we have.” Too bad Steve doesn’t always take his own advice.

“It seems you actually know what you’re talking about sometimes.” Tony smiled at him.

“Then you won’t get mad when I suggest we do the rest of the questions.” Because Steve actually enjoyed this conversation with Tony, and he wanted to keep it going.

“Now?” Tony asked.

“Well, after you put some pajamas on. Those pants cannot be comfortable.” Steve didn’t mean to stare at Tony’s crotch area; it just kinda happened. Let’s just say everything was very well-tailored.

“You just want me out of my pants.” Yes.

“I just want you to be comfortable,” Steve responded instead. He’s pretty sure he was blushing, but hopefully, Tony couldn’t see in the bedroom’s low light.

“I’m sure you just want me comfortable. Lucky for you, I stopped sleeping in the nude once I became responsible for a small child.” And that’s the second time Steve thought about a naked Tony in the last 10 minutes. “It seems like every other night, there was a monster under her bed, and she always comes to me after she caught Hunter with his special friend. I banned sleepovers after that. Although now I know that friend was Simmons.”

“They are together?” Steve asked, surprised. But he really shouldn’t be. Steve knows Hunter comes to the compound on his day off most weeks. He just didn’t realize they were more than friends.

“You are so oblivious, pumpkin patch.” Steve was well aware of that at this point.

“I’m going to put on something comfortable and then be prepared to bare your soul to me.” Surprisingly Steve was looking forward to that.

Xxxxx
“OK, we are still skipping question 13 because you’re raising a kid that can see the future, and you really wish she didn’t,” Tony said as he slid under the covers of the bed with a Stark pad in hand. If he was going to share a bed with Steve, he was going to be comfortable. It’s already a little too cold for October, and Pepper hasn’t switched the heat on yet. If he’s been fantasizing about snuggling with Steve for a decade, that’s nobody else’s business. He was too stressed out during the Ultron fiasco to actually enjoy it.

“It’s more like I wish it didn’t hurt her. Besides, I know that she just draws possible futures, and things change. I try not to read too much into it. It’s better not knowing.” Steve remarked.

“True. OK, question 14 is, have you wanted to do something for a really long time? If so, what?” Kissing you. Tony thought as soon as he read the question, but he would not say that one out loud. That would make things awkward. They’re trying to work away from awkwardness, which has been the perpetual state of their relationship since 2012.

“If I say undoing what Thanos did, will you get angry?”

“No, I understand why you want that. I will say fix things with us. The reason why I waited so long was I thought it would be harder than what it actually is,” Tony confessed.

“Is it easier knowing that there’s a version of us that went through Siberia and eventually overcame that?” Steve asked.

“They didn’t overcome it. They dealt with it, and we didn’t.” Tony regrets that so much at the moment.

“They didn’t have to deal with losing half the universe.”

“Not if we can help it,” Tony said with determination in his voice. “OK, next question, and it is apparently the opposite of what we were talking about earlier. Name your greatest accomplishments?”

“Raising the girls. Skinny asthmatic me never thought he would be a father. I had an asthma attack the first time I had a handjob.” Tony was glad he got under the covers because little Tony was excited and a little horrified. “The fact I preferred that over the blind dates that Bucky always set me up with also had me doubtful.”

“I want to know more about this story, but at the same time, I’m horrified for your well-being,” Tony remarked.

“Good to know you worry about my safety. So what’s the greatest thing you accomplished?” Steve asked.

“That would be Morgan. This is saying something because I invented clean energy and discovered a new element.” He looks over to see Steve open his mouth wide in shock. “OK, theoretically Howard discovered it, but I made it.”

“I heard you made a particle accelerator in your garage. Although I didn’t know you made a new element.”

“Basement, although my garage was in the basement. I guess technically, it was true. How did you even know about that?” Tony asked, surprised.

“Coulson told May, and she told me. They were best friends, and they told each other all their secrets.” Steve explained with a sad smile. That told Tony that Steve was well aware his wife was still in love with the fallen agent.

“That leads into the next question, kumquat. What do you value in a friendship?” Tony asked.

“I know you’re going to say honesty.”

“Also not selling my life story to the tabloids. Or making sex tapes behind my back. Which is apparently a whole lot easier now. You can even leak your own dick pics.” Tony joked.

“I’m never going to live that down.” Steve placed his head in his hands.

“Never. Although say the word, and I’ll create a virus that will attack anybody sending those pics around. I can’t get rid of it, but I can make people not want to share it,” Tony said seriously, which made Steve smile.

“That right there is what I value in a friendship.”

“Viciousness in computer skills?” Tony joked because he wasn’t quite sure what Steve meant.

“Someone that will always have my back. You offering to create a computer virus to keep people from looking at that picture I accidentally posted to Instagram tells me you do have my back. I appreciate that. Even if I don’t want you to do anything that would get you in trouble with the Accords.”

“That’s important too. Also, I’m definitely going to have to look at how the other timeline was able to get rid of the old Accords.”

“If you could get rid of the part that requires me to register my children because they have superpowers, that would be nice. I’m afraid they’re going to end up in one of the camps.” He knew Steve was still worried about that even with the new administration. They were dismantling the mechanisms of the Ross administration as quickly as they could but not fast enough.

“I promise to make sure vice president platypus does get rid of that provision. Let’s go to a happier place and name your favorite happy memory.” This had to move them to safer ground.

“The day that May and I officially adopted Robin and Kamala.”

“The whole family looked so happy that day.” Natasha sent him pictures. Tony still has all of them.

“I think it was the happiest day I had since the snap. So what is your most treasured memory?” Steve asked.

“Holding Morgan for the first time.” Tony smiled softly. “She was so perfect, and I knew instantly I would do anything to protect her. I will never love anybody as much as I love her.”

“Although they are not biologically my children, I feel that way about Robin and Kamala. I love them so much.” Steve confessed.

“Biology means very little. Howard wasn’t a good father. The best thing I can say about him is he never hit me. Mom tried her best. However, Jarvis and Ana really raised me along with Aunt Peggy and Uncle Daniel. They were my family. I know they felt the same way about me.”

“You have a point. What’s the next question?” Steve asked.

“OK, we are skipping question 18. I feel like we accidentally covered our terrible memories with our regrets earlier,” Tony said as he showed Steve the pad.

“Agreed. Also, I don’t want to do question 19.”

“Because you’ve seen grisly drawings of my demise?”

“Not all the time, occasionally she draws the opposite. Robin drew a picture of the two of us being old and just hanging out on the couch just last week. I mentioned it before, but I didn’t give you details.”

“I like that possibility. Although in regards to question 19, there was a time I thought I was not going to live much longer.” Tony told him.

“The Palladium poisoning incident?” Steve asked. Thank God he didn’t ask about Afghanistan. It’s been nearly 15 years, and he still can’t really talk about what happened there.

“Yes. I acted so recklessly. I gave my company away to my best friend. Then I got really drunk and wrecked my house. I should’ve gone into rehab after that but didn’t.” Tony regrets that. Maybe if he was sober and working through his Howard issues when he first met Steve, things would have gone a lot better. It couldn’t have gone worse.

“I think there’s a difference when it’s a terminal illness. I always thought I was going to die young, so I wanted to make the most out of every moment so I wouldn’t have any regrets.” Steve confessed. Tony had no idea he felt that way.

“Did you?”

“I had a ton when I put that plane into the water.” Steve acknowledged.

“Aren’t you happy you had a second chance?”

“Yes. I would have hated never meeting you.” There was that soft smile again.

“OK, 20 feels like a rehash of 16, especially the way you answered it, so let’s move on,” Tony suggested.

“It’s a little different,” Steve argued.

“But I still feel like being there is the most critical part,” Tony answered.

“And I wasn’t there when you needed me.” The regret in Steve’s voice almost broke Tony’s heart.

“Because I was an asshole. I thought we covered this? I’m willing to acknowledge that mistakes were made on all of our parts.” Tony made so many mistakes, several related to not getting sober fast enough.

“I think we’re going to have to have this conversation a lot because we have a lot to work through.” Wasn’t that the fucking truth.

“Do you think we will ever get to the same place as other us?” Tony asked.

“Happily engaged with a ton of adopted teenagers?” Steve retorted.

“OK, maybe not that far but in a stable relationship. I mean, you’re already married to someone else.”

“Who promised she would sign the divorce papers the moment I meet somebody and fall in love. She joked about already having a lawyer picked out.” Tony’s not sure how to take that, so he decides to go to the next question. Apparently, the universe, or at least Laura, hates him. God, this was a lot.

“Well, that takes us into question 21. Do love and affection have a role in your life? I kind of want to know this, especially because you’re in a… I don’t want to call it a marriage of convenience.” Because there wasn’t anything really convenient about that relationship.

“I saw those growing up, and this is not that. I love May. I really do, but it’s not the right type of love.” Steve tried to explain.

“The English language really screwed us over with only one word for love. Other languages do better.”

“That’s true.” Steve sighed.

“But I get it. I think I have that type of love with Pepper, especially now that we’ve settled into co-parenthood.” Tony explained.

“I feel stupid for not realizing you guys were not together for the last five years. I should’ve seen it.” Steve was currently sporting his wounded puppy dog expression.

“Don’t beat yourself up about that. We’ve been very good at keeping up the façade.”

“But we do playdates all the time.”

“Where you ignore me and eat like six churros.” Tony shot back.

“I have a fast metabolism.” Tony couldn’t help but snort at that.

“I guess love is playing a big role in our lives right now because we wouldn’t be trying to undo what Thanos did if we didn’t love people.”

“Do you think we’re doing this for humanity or for the people that we love? Because it’s going to be chaos when we bring everybody back at the same time.” Steve pointed out.

“OK, point. We can’t just snap our fingers and undo everything. We are going to have to plan that part. I’ll add it to my problem-solving list.” He will because Steve was right. They can’t just bring half of the universe back. It would be just as chaotic as when they left.

“And I want to pretend I’m all altruistic and I’m in this for humanity, but I’ve always been a selfish prick. I want Morgan to meet Happy and Peter.”

“You’re not a selfish prick for wanting that,” Steve reassured him.

“I know you want Robin to meet your BFF. Did you know that your James is dating Robin’s mom in the other timeline? Now I’m extra sad that she died before the snap. It was another wasted life just like Agent Rodriguez.” Tony never met the woman before Thanos killed her. Apparently, she’s one of other Tony’s best friends per the notes he read from Friday.

“What? How did that happen?” Steve asked.

“They ended up next-door neighbors in Wakanda, and they connected. They are actually engaged, but they’re waiting until after other us tied the knot. I will let you read Friday’s relationship breakdown on the way home tomorrow. Maybe after we take the kids to breakfast?” Tony asked.

“That would be good. I’m also curious about how that happened. I will always want to see Bucky happy, even if it’s not my Bucky.” Steve said sadly.

“We definitely have to make sure the snap doesn’t happen there. I am interested in seeing what a wedding between us would look like. I bet there will be stars and American flags everywhere.” Tony joked.

“Because you would be the one who would put them up,” Steve remarked. “You would turn the wedding into a Fourth of July party even if it was taking place at Christmas.”

“Maybe. I think I like the next question better. We are supposed to alternate sharing positive characteristics of one another.” This one didn’t seem like an emotional landmine waiting to go off unless Steve can’t come up with any positive qualities about him.

“How many are we supposed to share?” Steve asked.

“Five, but let’s just do three.” Because Tony is worried about Steve being able to name five positive qualities about him.

“No, we can do five. My first one for you is you’re a good dad.” Steve even gave him his super sweet smile again.

“And I’m so happy you made that my first good quality because I’m proud of that. Howard was awful, but I had Jarvis and Daniel. You’re also a good dad, and you chose to be a dad. I just got my sperm magically restored.”

“My dad left us and moved to Nevada, so DNA has very little to do with it,” Steve remarked darkly. Tony wished he knew about Steve’s daddy issues a long time ago. It could’ve been a bonding moment.

“OK, definitely a positive quality, but I want more. Tell me what you love about me.” Oh shit, he didn’t mean to say that out loud. “I mean, tell me what’s great about me. I say stupid shit when I’m sleep-deprived. I think I got about six hours in the last three days because of trying to figure out how to do all of this.” When in doubt, blame sleep deprivation.

“Which leads to your second good quality; you’re very mission-oriented,” Steve said, ignoring his Freudian slip. Bless him.

“Which leads to my number one bad quality, which is I forget to do important things like eating and showering when I’m in the zone. Sometimes I think Hunter is more my nanny than Morgan’s. I remember to feed Morgan, but I forget to eat myself.” Tony joked.

“You’re supposed to eat when the kids eat,” Steve remarked.

“Yes, but I’m not always the biggest fan of cheese sticks and orange slices. That was all she wanted to eat for like two weeks back in July.”

“At least she got a lot of vitamin C and calcium. Robin went through that phase. Heaven help you if you accidentally get the wrong cheese stick.” Steve added.

“Good mozzarella must have some salt and the right fat content.” Tony snarked.

“Can we make one of our other good qualities we have excellent taste in food?”

“Yes. Am I allowed to say one of your good qualities is your ass? I regret that wasn’t the body part that ended up on Instagram.” He loves that ass.

“I think it would’ve been less embarrassing. I should’ve never let May talk me into those pictures.” At least he now knows it was Steve. Also, May is a total badass. And he adores her. Tony should be jealous, but he’s not. He deeply respects the woman.

“You did turn it into a PSA against cyberbullying,” Tony said instead of giving his praises for Melinda. “It’s better than those videos you did before. Why did you do those videos?” Tony has been curious about that since the first time Peter mentioned it.

“I may have been blackmailed into it,” Steve said sheepishly.

“How could anybody have blackmail on you back then? Before the Instagram oops incident. It’s also hard to blackmail somebody with something that’s already out there.”

“I slept with a married Congressional staffer. Although I didn’t realize he was married when I slept with him.” OK, that doesn’t match Tony’s Boy Scout image of Steve back then. Although the guy that took dick pics for his wife definitely would’ve made a mistake like that. Maybe it’s best for the world that Steve is currently married-ish.

“OK, we both have made some very bad hook-up decisions and have learned from it,” Tony remarked just as he received a pop-up message on his Stark pad. It was from Friday. She’s communicating through pop-up messages because he has her on silent mode right now. She’s also not completely installed in Pepper’s house because she won’t let him. He wasn’t expecting to read that message.

“Friday just wanted to let me know that apparently my other self was almost murdered by the estranged wife of that poor hook-up choice. She targeted other Tony because the wife assumed he was the Avenger that the staffer screwed, not you because you’re all apple pies and straightness.” Tony couldn’t help but snort at that. “Apparently, she tried to murder me with sunflower seeds at a fundraiser. Your wife was posing as my date, BTW.” Steve started laughing hysterically at that point.

“I should not have laughed at that. The thought of you dying makes me want to throw up, but sunflower seeds? I think I would’ve liked to have seen pictures of you and May on a date.”

“Laughter is necessary. This is one of those too absurd not to laugh situations. Also, I am totally open for a threesome.” Tony remarked.

“What is the next question?” Steve’s blush was telling Tony that he was obviously seriously considering that proposition and did not want to discuss his answer at the moment. That was promising.

“Oh God, I hate this thing,” Tony said as soon as he read the next question. “Do you want to talk about our screwed-up childhoods? Because I don’t want to talk about our screwed-up childhoods. Your dad was an abusive piece of shit. My father was just not there because he was too busy with SI, shield, and everything else.” Along with whatever booze was on-premises, but he doesn’t have the energy to get into Howard’s alcoholism.

“And searching for me was part of everything else,” Steve said sadly.

“I like” love “you, so I made peace with that.” He’s forgiven Howard for that because he doesn’t want to think of a world without Steve.

“I guess if you were to change anything about your childhood, you would want Howard to actually be there?” Steve asked. Tony nodded his head in agreement.

“As well as being sober.” OK, so he is going to get into this a little. “It’s why I tried so hard for Morgan to get clean. It took a few attempts, but I got there.” Now he is going to help Simmons get there, hopefully. He feels like he owes that to the universe.

“And I’m proud of you. I don’t want to talk about my family either. Although I do regret never making it to Nevada to meet my sister,” Steve remarked regretfully.

“When we fix this, that’s the first thing you’re going to do,” Tony said, squeezing his hand. “I’ll plan a big reunion in Vegas. It will be interesting to hit the table sober for once. There is also family-friendly stuff for everyone. I’ve never done any of it before, but there’s a first time for everything.”

“I’ll take you up on that after getting my daughter back to her biological parents.” Steve looked like he wanted to cry when he said that.

“No. That’s going to be Kamala’s choice. Maybe you and her biological family will be splitting custody for a while, but you have to give her a choice. She 16. She gets to choose who she lives with.”

“Even if it breaks me?” Steve asked, almost on the verge of tears.
“Always, unfortunately. OK, this is the last question for tonight because I feel like it will go downhill from here.”

“Oh God, what’s the question?” Steve asked, concerned.

“We are supposed to talk about relationships with our moms. Which is almost something I feel like I can deal with, at least compared to talking about my father. I think it’s the same for you.” There is less baggage and trauma there compared to everything with Howard. But it’s still painful to think about Maria.

“I’m glad. I don’t remember the man that well.”

“It’s better that you don’t remember that shit,” Tony said, squeezing Steve’s hand again. He almost wanted to reach over and hugged the man.

“I definitely have a better relationship with Maria. I’m trying to model my parenting style more on how she treated me than what Howard did. You know, along with all my dad figures. Although I regret that she’ll never get to meet Morgan.” That was his number four regret.

“I was close with my mom. We had to be. We couldn’t survive as long as we did otherwise. However, sometimes I wish she would’ve told me the truth instead of lying to me.” Steve confessed.

“It was necessary though, back then,” Tony remarked.

“I realize that now. You will lie to keep your kids safe.”

“You married someone to keep your kids safe.” Tony completely realizes that was the real point of Steve’s marriage to May, even if they did have sex.

“Robin was May’s daughter first. Pauly made her promise with her last breath that she would take care of Robin.”

“And the same thing happened with Agent Khan?” Tony asked.

“Yes,” Steve answered simply.

“That makes sense because she’s a good mom even if she said no to coming with us,” Tony remarked.

“She’s going to come up after our meeting with the other timeline. She just wanted to go over the Shield reports first.” That makes sense.

“Is your wife going to be OK with us sharing a bed? Because I’m OK going to the couch.” Even if it is a friendship with sex type of marriage, Tony doesn’t want to upset things.

“I think she would be OK with it, but you can ask her.” For some reason, Steve was blushing again. There had to be a story there.

“Friday, sweetie, can you send agent May-Rogers a message asking if she’s OK that I’m sharing a bed with her hubby because Hunter is gross,” Tony asked as he switched her out of silent mode.

“She says it’s fine; just use condoms.” At Friday’s response, Tony deeply regretted switching her out of silent mode. “Also, she told me to tell Mr. May-Rogers that she packed lube, condoms, scarves, and the pleasure seeker 3000 in your toiletry bag for use this evening.”

“Tell her I found everything when unpacking. I’ll text her in the morning.”

“She says she wants details but no pictures because she doesn’t want you to accidentally post them on Instagram again.” Tony couldn’t help but snicker at that. Although if May was packing him toys and condoms, he definitely had May’s permission for a nice snuggle. Even if a part of his brain wanted to test out that toy on Steve, they were nowhere near that yet.

“You have a very interesting marriage,” Tony remarked.

“I’ve been told the best marriages are interesting,” Steve said as he turned the lamp next to his bed off.

“Very true.”

“Although it’s probably a good time for us to actually get some sleep,” Steve suggested, still blushing.

“This is also true,” Tony said, cutting off his own lamp and letting Steve take away his Stark pad. Otherwise, he would keep reading the history of the other timeline. Which was definitely not conducive to sleep. Although accidentally falling into Steve’s chest was. If he woke up wrapped around Steve, nobody needed to know.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Agent L. Barton: I just want to say thank you for helping last night. I don’t think Simmons would’ve agreed to work on her drinking problem if you weren’t so supportive. Now that she’s acknowledged that she has a problem, she really needs everybody’s support.

May: I’m glad I was able to help. I have been worried about her for a while. She’s the only kid I have left from the bus. I want her healthy. Even if it means her being with Hunter.

Agent L. Barton: My May loves her bus kids too. Even if they’re growing up and getting married. Leo says Hunter is a wonderful husband even if Hunter still pretends that they’re only married on paper for an op. There was definitely some damage done to Hunter during his first marriage.

May: I heard your Simmons is pregnant. If we do manage to create a doorway between timelines, I think we should bring her here. It’s not safe for her to be there. I should have Friday send to you what happened to women who had snap-induced miscarriages. It was ugly.

Agent L. Barton: We’ve already been talking about that. I want to bring all the kids. Simmons can be their agent chaperone. She’ll hate doing it, but she’ll do it for the baby.

May: She would.

Agent L. Barton: In the meantime, Simmons and the children are relocating to the Malta compound.

May: It’s a start. Although it won’t help if Thanos can still get all the stones.

Agent L. Barton: I’m aware after it was pointed out by Tony Potts. This is why we’re figuring out how to turn the Zephyr into a time machine instead of the suits. Apparently, your version is ready for space travel.

May: Deke and Simmons, on Steve’s orders, retrofitted it for space travel in an effort to rescue Stark. Carol found him first, though.

Agent L. Barton: I am not surprised at all. We need to pass the schematics to the other team during the window.

Friday: I will add it to the package of material to transfer during the window.

Agent L. Barton: You’re always the best Friday. As for the Simmons here, I talked to Tony, and he’ll be her AA sponsor if she’s willing to have him. She is also allowed at the cabin for sleepovers.

May: I think she’ll accept. She likes Tony. Hunter will like her being able to stay over. Hunter was banned from having overnight guests after Morgan walked in on him and Simmons last year.

Agent L. Barton: It happens to every parent at least once.

May: My kid gets visions of it. She even warned me about the Instagram incident.

Agent L. Barton: I’ve heard.

Agent L. Barton: From my Robin. She knew that her mom and Mr. Barnes were going to get together months before they did. We chose not to tell him because he needed all the help he can get.

Agent L. Barton: I’m not even going to ask about the Instagram incident. I feel like it’s better that I don’t know.

May: That seems like something Robin would do. You are better not knowing about what happened.

May: When will our Simmons be leaving for treatment? She needs to be somewhere else if she really wants to make progress. She will also need to detox.

Agent L. Barton: She’s not. Even though a lot of weird stuff has happened in the last decade, she can’t go to a traditional treatment center. Regardless of the fact that Tony is willing to throw enough money at the institution to get her a spot instantly. Time travel monoliths are still a bridge too far.

May: Point, it’s why Shield always had in-house programs before Hydra, not just for addiction but also PTSD and depression. Andrew tried to get me into treatment after Bahrain, but I wouldn’t go.

Agent L. Barton: New Shield does too. The addiction treatment center is Stark’s old Florida property. Stark industries donated the property to the government.

Agent L. Barton: That’s what I want to do. We have a full medical center here that can help with the withdrawal symptoms. It’s not Florida, but it will do.

May: Unfortunately, we have no one with a medical degree full-time. Banner has seven PhDs and not one MD. That would’ve been fucking useful.

Agent L. Barton: Even an OD would have been helpful.

May: Exactly.

Agent L. Barton: I’ve been talking to Friday about current shield medical/psych personnel from my timeline that might still be here. I think I have a few people we can bring in. At a minimum, we need an actual psychiatrist to help us plan this mission, not just to help with Simmons. I am still working on my degree.

May: It’s good that you’re still working on your degree. I know the Laura here always wanted to go back to school but could never find the time.

Agent L. Barton: Especially after getting pregnant with Nikki by accident. I love my baby, but that was not a planned pregnancy. That was a post “oh God, Hydra didn’t kill you” accident.

Agent L. Barton: However, my Tony is really persistent. The ATCU is paying for me to go back and finish my degree. Despite the separation, Clint offered to be Nikki’s primary caregiver, so I could focus on my doctorate.

May: Why do you think we need a licensed therapist for this mission?

Agent L. Barton: Psychiatrist/psychologist because we could use a medical doctor, especially one for the mine. Honestly, we could use one of each. They can help with treating Simmons and apparently Thor. Why does Thor need my help?

May: I think it would be an understatement to refer to Thor as being extremely depressed right now. He blames himself for what happened. He lost the rest of his family in a matter of days. He also went for the heart instead of the head.

Agent L. Barton: Or the hand, I read the report. So I can see how he is blaming himself for what happened. He needs help. Everybody here does.

May: If we successfully bring people back, Mack and Wanda will need to see a counselor.

Agent L. Barton: Probably Barnes as well. Tony is working on getting him pardoned as a wedding present, and therapy will be a requirement. Which is fine because he’s been in therapy for a while already. Unfortunately, the DOD wants to bring their own person in, instead of letting him keep the team he already has in Wakanda. Tony’s fighting the government about that. Since all of Barnes’s issues happened pre-snap, this Barnes probably needs to work through them too.

May: I think some issues may have popped up. The battle of Wakanda was traumatic for everyone, even those that didn’t survive it.

Agent L. Barton: I read what happened. Wanda had to kill her boyfriend to destroy the stone, and then the purple asshole just brought him back and ripped the stone out of his head in front of her. Yo-Yo tried to get the gauntlet from him, and he ripped her arms off. That’s going to leave long-term scars.

Agent L. Barton: They’re definitely going to need help. Actually, everybody lost is going to need help. Because there are several problems here. One, is getting the stones to bring everybody back. Two, is bringing people back in a way that doesn’t cause extreme chaos. Finally, how do you deal with the trauma of missing five years of your life?

Agent L. Barton: Because if we just undo the snap, it will be chaos. You can’t just bring back 4 billion people and have it be okay. Infrastructure needs to be created or rather re-created because it’s obvious that society has started contracting.

May: I feel like the first is going to be easier. You’re probably not aware of this, but the European countries got hit very hard and opened up immigration to help rebuild. If we bring everyone back, they may kick those people out.

Agent L. Barton: Getting the stones may definitely be the easy part. Especially because you will be able to get most of the stones from my timeline, I hope.

May: Which means you won’t have to deal with this.

Agent L. Barton: No, but we’re going to have to deal with the purple ass hole. He’s a threat no matter what. Let’s say we move the stones here. What if he finds some way to get here? Then it just starts all over again. We have to take him out.

May: With the fewer stones on his fingers, the better.

Agent L. Barton: I get that impression. We need to come up with a timeline of when he got the stones. I’m worried he might have some already. But he won’t be as powerful as he was in Wakanda.

May: We’re going to have a breakfast this morning to start putting that together.

Agent L. Barton: Thank you. Although I might not be there, depending on what you tell me next.

May: What do you need to know?

Agent L. Barton: I mentioned I want to bring in a therapist. One who has an actual MD.

May: You wouldn’t need some with an MD, if I brought Dr. Rio Morales in. Her husband was ex shield. He was lost during the decimation. Which spurred her on to get her MD. Her son is friends with my daughter. When we have a medical emergency, we call her in.

Agent L. Barton: That makes sense because Bruce wasn’t actually part of your group. If she’s willing to help, let’s bring her in. In my timeline, she is the Avengers on-site nurse. Or at least she was before hurricane Maria. She’s actually in charge of the Jarvis foundation’s relief work on the island. Oh, we definitely need her. I’m sure she has the same skill set as her counterpart.

May: I’ll call her in a few minutes. So who’s the therapist you want to bring in?

Agent L. Barton: Dr. Margarita Cruz, she is the number two in the ATCU psych department of my timeline. She was in charge of putting together the rehab center in Florida. It was her own passion project.

May: She’s currently at Empire State after a recent stent at SWORD. She quit because the new guy was a “Xenophobic anti-inhuman ass hole.”

Agent L. Barton: That tells me she’s a good fit if we do get the Avengers back together again. What else do you know about her?

May: She was a friend of my ex-husband. He actually mentored her while at SHIELD before he left. She stayed on until the agency collapse. I tried to get Mace to bring her on when the agency went public again, but he refused. This was for the best since it collapsed so quickly. She was at Sword until Director Rambo died. She couldn’t take the man who took over for her. I can’t either, considering what his agency did to Vision and the Wakandan government in the process.

Agent L. Barton: I read. Are you still trying to get Vision’s body back?

May: Pepper’s lawyers are along with representatives from the Wakandan government. The situation is complex.

Agent L. Barton: I’m sure it would be. How do you know all this?

May: We had lunch last month after I ran into Cruz when Kamala took a campus tour. She’s planning to do dual enrollment for her senior year. Cruz and I talked about the old days.

Agent L. Barton: Ned and Peter are doing that now at Empire State. Afia is not because she wants to keep an eye on Flash.

May: From what I heard about the kid, that’s necessary.

Agent L. Barton: He’s less of a dick now. It took us years of work to get him to that point. However, Afia is afraid that her foster brother will revert without her.

May: I feel like there is a long story there.

Agent L. Barton: Not one I can tell.

May: I respect that.

Agent L. Barton: Do you think if I approach her with a job offer to work with the Avengers, she would agree to it?

May: You’ll have to tell her what we’re trying to do. There’s a reason why Rio is our default for medical care.

Agent L. Barton: Point. Is Cruz somebody I can tell this to?

May: Yes. Her daughter was lost in the decimation. Her marriage didn’t last much longer after that.

Agent L. Barton: Shit. Then she’ll definitely want to help with our plan.

May: Exactly.

Agent L. Barton: Then I’m going to approach her today. We need to get somebody in to help Simmons now. Rio can only do the body part.

May: I agree. You shouldn’t go alone, though.

Agent L. Barton: Who should I bring with me?

May: I should be the one to come with you because she knows me.

Agent L. Barton: Don’t you need to keep reading reports? I know you didn’t get through that many last night because of the Simmons situation.

May: I can read on the ride there. I know you’re actually a good driver. Besides, I don’t think anything in here is mission-critical. I was just using this as an excuse to make my husband confront his Tony issues. I believe our plans worked.

May: [Image one attached]

Agent L. Barton: Tony being a cuddle bug is apparently a universal constant. They look very peaceful curled around one another.

May: Pepper sent that to me while we were talking.

Agent L. Barton: I’m not going to say I’m upset about seeing Steve wrapped around Tony like a blanket. But how are you handling this?

May: Looking at possible divorce attorneys. I think it’s time to move forward. We will always be friends, but this marriage was an arrangement to keep the kids and ourselves from falling apart in the aftermath of the hell that was April 2018. It’s not necessary anymore, especially if he’s ready to be with Tony. I think as long as we’re still married, Steve won’t move forward.

Agent L. Barton: Open marriages are also a possibility. I’ve been in one for a while.

May: You’re separated again.

Agent L. Barton: Because he couldn’t handle me becoming an agent, especially after killing someone in the field. Not anything else.

May: You were going to say occasional hookups with Phil.

Agent L. Barton: I didn’t know if I can say his name around you. I’m sure losing him was hard. It was hard on Clint the first time.

May: It was worse the second time. Because I know Phil is not going to come back. I stood there while they cremated his body and spread his ashes in the ocean. We went to Tahiti. I didn’t want to leave, but Steve brought Robin and me home. Even though he was falling apart because Tony was still MIA. Steve offered to marry me when the government tried to take Robin away from me. The DOD wouldn’t dare take Captain America’s daughter. He helped me keep my family together.

May: Steve deserves to be happy.

Agent L. Barton: I think he’s happy with you.

May: He’s in love with Tony, and I’m in love with a dead man. At least one of us should get what we want.

Agent L. Barton: I get that.

May: We leave in 35 minutes.

Agent L. Barton: I’ll be ready to leave by then.
Xxx
Melinda: I’m not even surprised. I forwarded the picture to Laura.

Melinda: She sees it as an encouraging development.

Virginia: I’m sure she would. I am 99% sure they are going to wake up and pretend it didn’t happen. It’s why I snuck in there and took a picture. Friday said they were being adorable.

Melinda: I think they’re going to need evidence.

Virginia: Because they are stubborn idiots. This is why it could never work with either of them.

Melinda: Possibly. I may try to stop by and see the kids this afternoon. I have to come into the city for a mission. I’ll try to come later in the day so I don’t disrupt Robin’s school work. Is she doing okay with that?

Virginia: She’s doing well. Do I need to tell Steve you’re coming by?

Melinda: No.

Melinda: I’ll text him later.

Virginia: Am I getting my nanny back?

Melinda: No. I’ll make arrangements.

Virginia: I trust you.

Melinda: Thank you.

Virginia: If they ever do get their heads out of their asses, you can stay here for a while.

Melinda: I will consider the offer. I’m looking for a divorce attorney. I think Steve’s head will stay in his ass until we are actually divorced.

Virginia: I will ask Jennifer from legal if she has any recommendations. Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it.

Melinda: Thank you.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Steve: Robin wants me to tell you good morning.

May: She already did that herself because Morgan already has her own phone.

May: Apparently, that picture she drew last week of you and Tony waking up in bed together came true. Pepper sent pictures. You look happy. I think that’s the most peaceful you’ve looked in the morning since we were neighbors in DC.

Steve: Which just tells you how stressful the last few years have been. You knew we were sharing a bed. Tony even asked you if it was okay.

May: I am perfectly fine with the two of you sharing a bed.

Steve: I couldn’t force him to sleep on the couch. I was sleeping in his bed; it was only polite to share.

May: I’m sure you were just being polite when you woke up wrapped around him like a security blanket. We’ve shared a bed for almost five years, and you never wake up curled around me.

Steve: Nothing happened despite what you packed for me. Also, you would kick me in the head if I tried. I know you’re not a cuddler.

May: Thankfully, Tony is not me.

Steve: All we did was talk. Which was good and needed. Maybe the situation isn’t as dire as I first thought it was. Did you know about the actual status of his relationship with Pepper? You’ve implied that it wasn’t what I thought it was, but you never outright said it.

May: What did you talk about?

Steve: I will take that as the spy version of “yes, I knew but wasn’t allowed to tell you.”

May: I’m going to take that as you don’t want to tell me about your deep and meaningful conversations with our daughters’ future stepdad.

Steve: I wouldn’t go that far yet. We did some icebreaker game from the New York Times. 36 questions that lead to love. They’re ridiculous. But apparently, it’s how our other selves worked through their problems.

May: Are you sure the other timeline isn’t pulling a prank on you? I feel like this is something my other self would do with you.

Steve: You’re a prankster?

May: I never told you about the stuff I did at the Academy? I was a legend at Shield Academy. Not that people could prove what I did. Although I regret not doing worse to Garrett.

Steve: You did try to tell me about it before, but then you think of him, and you stop talking to me.

May: I know. I’m sorry about that.

Steve: I should be asking you how you’re doing. It wasn’t just me who found out their other self is married to the love of their life in another timeline. That’s difficult to process under the best circumstances.

May: Because at least Tony is still alive, and you have hope of still getting the guy.

Steve: Yes

May: The other May and Phil are not married. They’re possibly engaged. Nobody could get clear intel.

Steve: They probably went to Vegas and told no one.

May: Virginia would be closer and a better option. Vegas is tacky.

Steve: [Laughing so hard you start crying emoji]

May: In some ways, that makes it easier. At least in one timeline, Phil and I got a happy ending. I’m glad she got that.

Steve: I’m glad that version of you got a happy ending. I just wish you got the happy ending you deserve.

May: I’m not bitter or angry at my other-self. I’m happy with our kids.

Steve: But if we succeed, we’re going to lose Kamala. Tony says that she’s old enough to decide who she wants to live with, but I’m sure she would like to go back to them.

May: We’ll work something out with Kamala’s biological parents. I’m sure they’ll be grateful that we took good care of her while they were gone.

Steve: Or they’ll be upset that she was raised for the last five years by a lapsed Catholic and his nonreligious wife.

May: I think they will have other things to worry about.

Steve: Bringing people back is going to be a mess, isn’t it? Even if they come back, we’re still legally her parents. How will that even work? Tony’s right; we can’t force her to go back. But I’m sure she would want to go back, so we don’t even have to worry about the worst-case scenario.

May: She may not. It is going to be complicated. They’re going to come back thinking she’s the 11-year-old they left behind when she’s a 16-year-old who has lived in a dystopic hellscape for the last five years and barely stayed out of an internment camp.

Steve: I know. I’m just starting to realize how problematic it will be bringing people back after 5 ½ years. Where are the Khans even going to live? We sold their house. We put the money in a trust.

May: If we just bring people back, it would overwhelm the system. We can’t do that. Especially because we’re not planning to rewind the clock five years.

Steve: Because we can’t wipe out all the kids born in the last five years out of existence. We’ve been focusing so much on bringing people back that we didn’t think about what would happen when we did it, did we?

May: Laura has. We talked about it this morning. She and I are on our way to pick up someone who might help us. At a minimum, she will help us with our rehab project. We are also calling Rio in. Who apparently took over the Jarvis foundation’s relief efforts in Puerto Rico in the other timeline. Because of her, it wasn’t a shit show like here.

Steve: She could be very useful. When does Laura even sleep?

May: I’m not sure. Although I did find out that I am her SO in the other timeline. That came out over dinner yesterday.

Steve: That makes complete sense.

May: Clint was disappointed. He swore up and down it would be Natasha. I also found out that in the other timeline, Daisy is dating Natasha.

Steve: How do you feel about that?

May: I am happy that Daisy has finally moved on after Lincoln. More than I did.

Steve: You moved on.

May: I didn’t. I married a man who is completely in love with someone else.

Steve: I’m not going to lie to you and say that I don’t love Tony. We both know better. Even though I now think we can become real friends again, I don’t know if we could ever be like our other timeline counterparts.

May: Except that’s a lie. You know that’s a lie because you wouldn’t be there with him right now if there wasn’t a chance. I want you to have what I couldn’t have. I know you, Steve. You won’t make a move on him if we are still married, even if I pack lube and condoms for your overnight trip. You can’t make this work if we’re still married to one another.

Steve: What are you saying?

May: Once this mission is over and we’ve managed to bring everybody back with some actual planning, I think we should get a divorce.

Steve: I know this has been a possibility for a while when we were both ready for it but are you ready?

May: I hope so. Daisy and Fitz will be back. Mack will be back as well, and I can turn over SHIELD to him if he’s up to it emotionally. We can rebuild the organization the right way.

Steve: We need a better organization. I don’t trust SWORD.

May: I don’t trust them at all. Once Rambo died, the organization became complicit with Ross’s orders. I think I can build something better. Other Tony is making the ATCU less spycraft and more superhero social work. I want that. I can finally make Phil Coulson Academy happen. Pepper even said I could stay with her for a while. I’ll be okay.

Steve: I want to be there with you, helping you do that.

May: You will be. Just not as my husband. I want you to be happy.

Steve: Can we talk about this after we make this work? I think we need to focus on that for now.

May: Okay. You’re right.

Steve: So, I heard from Tony last night that Simmons agree to go into treatment.

May: She did. Apparently, Tony agreed to be her AA sponsor.

Steve: I heard.

Steve: I know you’ve been mostly reading reports, but did you start putting the list together regarding where the stones were in 2018?

May: I’m still reading reports. Although I know we only have to worry about locating five stones because they took care of the mind stone without traumatizing Wanda.

Steve: I know.

May: Clint and Natasha are working on the list. We got the coordinates from Nebula this morning regarding several stones. That arrived just before I left. We are debating whether we should go to Norway now or wait until after the meeting to get specifics from Thor regarding the Tesseract.

Steve: I vote for after. Where are you going with Laura?

May: I mentioned Laura’s trying to bring someone else to help us plan and help with Simmons. And possibly for Thor. This is why we probably should wait until we have her to go to Norway.

Steve: That might be best. Who does she want to bring in? Besides Rio.

May: Dr. Margarita Cruz. She’s the number two of new Shield’s psych department. She’s in charge of the in-house rehab program. Also, she was a protégé of Andrews. I think I can talk her into coming on board. So we are currently on our way to Empire State.

Steve: I hope you’re successful.

May: Piper is on her way to your location.

Steve: Why?

May: Because I need you and Stark at the compound for the mission tonight. But I still want our kids safe.

Xxxxx
Virginia arrived in her kitchen, fully dressed for her 9 AM business meeting. She’s hoping she can convince Tony and Steve to keep the kids until at least 11 AM because she needs Kevin in the meeting with her. She would have mentioned the meeting last night if she knew about it. But it ended up on her calendar overnight.

She was thankful to see Tony at her stove cooking what looks to be an omelet. She’s happy to see him in the kitchen. She was worried she would have to interrupt his Steve time. The picture earlier was enough for her.

“Although that actually smells good, that does not seem to be enough omelets for five people,” Virginia commented.

“This is just for you, Pepper Pot. Your driver will be here in half an hour to take you to the office.”

“Kevin called you?” Pepper asked.

“Course he did. He was my assistant before he took over for his wife.” Who they lost in the decimation along with Kevin’s youngest son. Pepper wanted to promote Kevin for years, but his job with her allows him to spend time with his three remaining children. “You told him I was here for a little while, and he wanted to make sure I had your back for this meeting.”

“Which apparently you do,” Pepper said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. She definitely needed it.

“Before Kevin called, we were already planning to take the kids for pancakes this morning. Now we’re just going to keep them out until 11. Kevin said he could watch them after that.”

“Is this your way of telling me that Hunter isn’t coming back? Because May already told me that earlier. Although she didn’t explain why.” And she would really like to know why.

“Simmons has agreed to undergo treatment for her drinking problem.”

“Thank God.” Deke would be so happy.

“She needs Hunter with her right now because of that, so…” Tony trailed off.

“My nanny is on family leave. I understand.” Too well, really. She’s just thankful Tony has committed to staying clean, unlike her own mother.

“I knew you would. I’m still sorry.” Tony really was sorry.

“I really do understand. It’s important, and Deke would want her to get help. If she needs Hunter there, then he needs to be there. We can make other childcare arrangements.” Apparently, May was already making those arrangements for them.

“Steve mentioned asking Kamala if she would be willing to stay here over the weekend and on nights to help you with the kids. Are you open to that?” Tony asked.

“If she’s okay with that, then I am. I know she’s planning to come tonight. If you could please change the sheets in the room, that would be lovely.”

“I will. I’ll also burn the one in Hunter’s room. Actually, I want to order a whole new mattress.” Tony actually shivered, and Pepper was trying not to laugh.

“I’m the one who dropped the KY bottle in there. I also neglected to mention that the couch in my office is now a convertible. I told you I would make you share a bed with Steve.” Pepper smirked at him.

“You are so devious,” Tony said as he grabbed a plate from the shelf to put her omelet on.

“I think I get at least five more years of doing stuff like this.” She’s forgiven him for accusing her of cheating on him when she showed up pregnant with Morgan. But she deserves some vengeance, especially after watching Tony moon over Steve like a teenager for the last five years. Okay, it was more like 11 years, but she hasn’t had enough coffee yet to acknowledge that.

“This is true.” He said, handing the omelet to Pepper. He’s definitely a much better cook now. He also remembers her food allergies since, unfortunately, Morgan inherited both of their allergies.

“I don’t know if you need to make up Hunter’s room for guests. It depends on if May is staying over tonight. Apparently, she’s in the city for a mission.”

“You already talked to May this morning?” Tony asked.

“I sent her a picture of her husband wrapped around you.”

“Which she is probably cool with because she sent him here with a toiletry bag packed with sex toys, condoms, and lube.” Pepper snickered at that. She covered it up by taking a drink of coffee.

“I assume she probably is.”

“I’m sure Steve is still texting his wife right now. Sugarplum, ask the wife if she is coming over tonight or tomorrow?”

XXXX

Steve: Tony just called me sugarplum again. He wants to know if you’re staying over tonight?

May: Yes. Kamala’s going to be mad that she missed you.

Steve: I would go over to the school to get her for breakfast, but I think her teacher would be mad if she missed chemistry.

May: He would be furious.

Steve: Although I think I’ll come back after the meeting for a couple of days. You and Tony need to focus on the mission. I am more expendable.

May: You’re not. Piper can take care of the kids. Actually, she should be there any minute.

Steve: Do I have time to take Robin and Morgan for breakfast with Tony?

May: You do.

May: Enjoy your time with the kids, and I’ll see if Kamala will be okay if you stop by the school for a few minutes.

Steve: You’re wonderful.

May: I know.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

BFF Ned: I really hate the fact that my mom hates Mr. Stark so much. It’s been a year since the wedding incident. She should just get over it, but now she’s just as controlling as ever.

BFF Ned: I just found out as I was packing to leave to go to my father’s apartment that I was invited to the upstate New York Wakanda compound to hang out with the princess. She said no. She didn’t even bother to consult me; she just said no like she always does. My parents are fighting about it on speakerphone for some reason. I can hear it from my room. My dad thinks it’s good for me to hang out with genius royalty because he’s pragmatic. He is also the only reason I’m still able to take the scholarship from the Jarvis foundation.

BFF Ned: Divorce sucks.

BFF Ned: Why is the princess even in the US? Is this related to the Thor sightings on Twitter Friday?

BFF Ned: Was Thor actually here? Did you get to meet him? Are the muscles real or just like an optical illusion?

BFF Ned: Was that actually his brother? He’s the one that killed Ms. May’s fiancé the first time, right?

BFF Ned: Actually, was it all an optical illusion? He was supposedly in New York Friday, but there are rumors of the hammer being in Norway right now.

BFF Ned: Are you still hanging out with the princess? Or are you on some secret mission? Should I be sending these text messages to the other number?

Peter: You should definitely be using the other phone. I am going to send you a message on the other line. This is MJ, by the way.

BFF Ned: Wait, why are you texting me on Peter’s phone? Did he finally make a move?

Xxxxx
The New Consultant: No

The New Consultant: After a long conversation with my friend, we concluded that I will be the one making a move because he’s an idiot. He is adorable but an idiot. If I want anything to happen before the end of the world, it’s on me.

BITC: He was planning to tell you when we are in Europe. He was saving up to get you a black Dalia necklace.

The New Consultant: I know. Although I didn’t hear about the necklace part.

BITC: He told you?

The New Consultant: Thompson did. He was the friend I consulted with.

BITC: I still can’t believe you’re friends with Flash. He’s an asshole.

BITC: I can’t believe Benji is friends with him to the point that he will actually tell Flash that. Which is obviously a mistake if he told you. He’s probably sabotaging you on purpose.

The New Consultant: The asshole thing is a mask he wears.

The new consultant: You know you don’t have to be jealous of Thompson. He isn’t going to take your place as Benji’s friend. You’re still BFF [redacted] in his address book.

BITC: Then what else does he want from Benji?

Xxxxx

“When do I get to tell Ned that you’re gay and want to climb Peter like a tree?” MJ whispered as she showed her phone to Flash.

They were currently sitting on one of the couches in the guest suite in the embassy. It was a lot nicer than the Shield rooms on the other floors. Around 3 AM, when Dr. Leopold showed up with his husband, Hunter pushed them all to sleep. They were only successful in getting her and Flash to leave. They opted to just sleep in the same room together. Which was a great decision because sometime around 9 AM, Peter just crawled into bed with them. Afia texted her pictures. She wished she could just send them to Ned, but Peter and Flash would kill her.

“Unless I actually start dating Parker, never.” Flash is definitely not ready for that.

“You have to come out sometime. What if you end up with like a boy band member?”

“I have better taste than the ones that are currently in my age bracket. Thank you very much. I’m out to the people that matter.” Flash retorted.

“The only person that matters to you right now is Peter.”

“Shush. Don’t wake up Parker.” Flash admonished.

“He’s wearing his super noise-canceling headphones so he could sleep in the middle of the day. Which was the only reason why we were able to get dressed without waking him up.”

“Why didn’t he wear those Friday night?” Flash asked.

“He didn’t need it curled up in your arms, either time. Look, he’s wrapping himself around the pillow, probably thinking that it’s you. I have pictures of Peter wrapped around you like that from yesterday, actually.” She pulled one up that showed Peter essentially groping Flash in his sleep.

“Sometimes, I really hate you.”

“You adore me. Go cuddle with Parker, and I’ll go deal with Ned in the kitchen. I will bring food.”

“Do you think we have any pizza left?”

“I think we finished that around 1 AM, but before he collapsed into the bed, Peter said that Hunter brought breakfast and left us some stuff in the fridge. If you behave, I’ll bring you a bacon cheese sandwich.”

“I think I’ll go with you and get it myself.”

“Or you could go cuddle with Parker. Your boyfriend misses you.” Flash rolls his eyes at her.

“You know you want to join.”

“Of course, we spoke about this yesterday. I wasn’t kidding when I told Ned I’m done waiting.” MJ said as she walked out of the guest suite towards the kitchens. Flash followed behind her.

“If there’s a good chance we’re going to get snapped out of existence, you might as well go for it.” Flash sounded resigned.

“We are going to do this together. I think this morning went well.”

“That was planned, wasn’t it?” Flash asked as he opened the fridge. There are three bags in the refrigerator with their names on them.

“Not by me, but we do have shippers.”

“The Princess definitely ships us.”
Xxx

The New Consultant: Benji was busy working on a project with the princess and didn’t go to sleep until 9 AM. Benji is still unconscious. I didn’t want your text message ring tone to wake him up. He’s wearing the headphones, but you know he’s a light sleeper now.

BITC: This is true. Our sleepovers aren’t the same anymore. At least when we could still have them before my mom went to zero tolerance.

BITC: Although I think Benji has graduated to a new sleepover partner.

The New Consultant: Actually, he was so exhausted when he got back he crashed next to Flash.

BITC: That is exhausted.

BITC: I would never voluntarily sleep in the same room as Thompson, let alone bed. What was he working on?

The New Consultant: Inter-dimensional communications device.

BITC: Is this related to Thor showing up yesterday?

The New Consultant: Not exactly. It’s complicated. I’m checking with Ana to see how much I can tell you.

BITC: I take that as a yes. This is related to Thor showing up in New York Friday? I saw pictures of your cousin with them. That is so cool. Did she tell you about it?

BITC: Did she get pictures? Did she get his autograph? Did she try lifting the hammer? I bet she could lift it.

BITC: Or, at a minimum, vibrate the thing. She’s really powerful.

BITC: MJ, are you still there?

BITC: Did something happen?

Xxx
“Okay, I love it here. The oven thingy perfectly reheats a breakfast sandwich in 90 seconds. I made yours too.” Flash said as he walked over to the kitchen counter to see MJ, who was now crying. MJ crying just scares the hell out of him. She’s not a crier.

“Why are you crying? What happened?” Flash asked, taking the seat beside her.

“Ned asked about Daisy,” MJ replied.

“Would you like for me to tell him what happened?” Ana asked.

“I’ll do it. You might tell Ned too much. Even on the secure line, we have to be cautious.”

“Of course, Mr. Thompson.” Ana was only slightly annoyed with him. She switches to Eugene when she’s really upset. If they survive this, he is definitely changing his first name. And possibly his last name as well.

“You’re going to talk to Ned voluntarily?” MJ looked at him, shocked. At least she wasn’t crying at the moment. He accomplished something.

“If we’re going to try to convince Parker to date both of us, I should probably work on getting his best friend not to hate me.”

“I believe Peter would still date you even if Ned was against it, but I think he would appreciate not having to choose between his boyfriend and his best friend.”

“Being a good boyfriend means I don’t put him in that position. My last boyfriend hated that I was still friends with Parker. And he didn’t know about the kiss.” Flash explained.

“Neither did you. Silver lining this means that you kissed him before I did.” MJ joked.

“Then he gently rejected me afterward.”

“Because he wanted to be your friend first before he jumped you. Then you had to get the idiot boyfriend in California. Who you should have dropped as soon as he told you who to hang out with,” MJ admonished.

“Take your sandwich and go cuddle with Parker. You’ll feel better after you eat and get a cuddle in. I made his sandwich too because I know the smell of food will wake him up.”

“You’re such a caring boyfriend already.” MJ joked as she left. Flash will not acknowledge that he actually likes it when she refers to him as Peter’s boyfriend. Not that it will ever happen, but it’s a happy thought.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Venom: You just made MJ cry. Which is something I haven’t done for a long time.

BITC: What? Why? How? MJ doesn’t cry.

Venom: Congratulations, you made her cry. The reason why all of us are at the Lighthouse is Daisy is missing.

BITC: What do you mean that Daisy is missing? Also, why are you the one sending me this text message? Where is MJ?

Venom: Probably crying on a still sleeping Benji. I am texting you because she’s my friend, and you need to know what’s going on. That way, you don’t ask her stupid questions in text message form again.

BITC: How am I supposed to know what’s going on? Nobody tells me anything. MJ told you about her missing cousin before me.

Venom: Because you’re not allowed to talk to any of us when you’re at your mom’s.

BITC: I’m still allowed to talk to MJ, yet she didn’t call. And you because my mom hasn’t even thought to ban you.

Venom: Because her cousin is missing. Daisy went on a mission to Norway and didn’t come back. You’re going to have to forgive MJ for not texting you immediately. She planned to tell you once you got to your father’s, and we could all do a video call.

BITC: I understand. Is this related to the reports of the exploding hammer? Apparently, the Norwegian government has a leak.

Venom: Yes. Ana is working on that.

BITC: Oh shit!

Venom: MJ is not OK right now. She’s very worried about her cousin. We don’t know where she is, and it’s approaching 48 hours.

BITC: I’m sorry I said the wrong thing. My dad will be picking me up in an hour, and I think he would let me go to the Lighthouse.

Venom: Will he let you miss school the next day? We are not coming in tomorrow. We are supposed to come back Tuesday, but I don’t know if MJ is ready. If she’s not going, I’m not going.

BITC: Not at all. Why can’t I have cool parents?

Venom: I am not the one to answer that question.

BITC: Because you get to live on your own. I would love to live on my own. I’m tired of moving between my parents.

Venom: It was nice talking to you. I will let Parker know that you texted and for him to text you back once he is conscious again.

BITC: Are you being nice to me because you’re interested in MJ? Because it’s not going to work.

BITC: And you told her about Benji liking her, so it’s obvious you’re trying to sabotage things.

Venom: I’m not. I am actually trying to get Parker to get his head out of his ass. It’s exhausting.

BITC: You expect me to believe you’re not interested in her?

Venom: I’m not at all interested in MJ. It would be impossible for me to be any less interested in her in a romantic capacity.

BITC: That would only be possible if you’re gay or asexual. Since you dated three cheerleaders during sophomore year, I find either possibility hard to believe.

Venom: Well, that would be because the three cheerleaders were my beard, and I’m actually gay. Not that anybody knew that at the time.

BITC: You’re gay?????

XXXX

“Ana, what the fuck? I didn’t mean for that to become a text message.” He yelled at the AI. He may have dictated the message, but he hit the cancel button on his watch. He didn’t want to carry two phones, so he opted for a Stark watch for his Avenger line.

“I didn’t send it. You actually hit the send button instead of the cancel button on your Stark watch. I would’ve made sure that message did not go through. But you opted to use Philip for your watch, and he’s currently searching for Daisy. Therefore, the standard watch AI is currently running your device.” Ana answered him.

“You’re a vindictive AI when you’re not being used?” He asked Ana.

“I learned from my big sister.” The AI replied.

“You consider Afia your sister?” Flash asked. It’s at that moment he starts to really comprehend what his friend being an android actually meant.

“Yes, and you’re her big brother, so I wouldn’t have done that to you. You really did accidentally send the message yourself.” Ana tells him.

“Of course, I did.” Flash just puts his head in his hands.

“What do I do now? Does the entire school know I’m gay yet?” He asked the AI. He doesn’t think Ned would be purposely malicious. However, Peter was keeping the truth about his own orientation from his best friend for a reason.

“Answer the incoming message from Peter. I will monitor all social media channels for you.”

“Thank you. Can you look into getting me one of the regular Avenger secret phones?” He is not making this mistake again.

“I’ll get you one of the new phones that has both channels in one device.”

“Thank you.”

XXXX
TMNS: Why did you send a crying MJ back in here? Why is she crying?

Venom: We came out to the kitchens to text BITC because he kept sending text messages. We didn’t want to wake you up, and we were hungry. We slept through breakfast.

TMNS: Makes sense. Thank you for sending me food.

Venom: You’re welcome. However, BITC just had to ask if Daisy had any cool Thor stories. And MJ started crying.

TMNS: Oh, that’s not good.

TMNS: I will text BITC to explain what’s going on.

TMNS: As soon as I’m sure he’s with his dad.

Venom: I already did.

TMNS: Voluntarily?

Venom: Yes, and I am already deeply regretting that decision. BITC accused me of sabotaging your relationship with MJ. I got a little defensive.

TMNS: You’re my main cheerleader, which seems kind of weird because your Spider-man’s number one fan.

TMNS: Does he know that you know that I am Spidey?

Venom: I managed not to spill that fact. I don’t think I’m you’re number one fan. There’s this woman in Hoboken who wants to have your baby. She has three Spider-Man tattoos. One of which is on her inner thigh. Those pictures made me 100% sure I’m gay.

TMNS: I know who you’re talking about. Tony got her banned from Twitter after DMing me very explicit pics on my official Spider-man Twitter account. They may have been of that tattoo without her wearing any underwear. Tony called Jack personally. He got them to change their TOS.

Venom: Look, this is one of those situations where if the guy you want can’t be with you, you want him to be with the best person possible. In this case, that’s MJ. Of course, this meant me dating the idiot to get over you, which was a mistake.

TMNS: Us being together is not completely impossible. Also, you saying that makes me even feel worse about the idiot boyfriend, like it’s my fault.

Venom: What?

TMNS: When I gave you that speech, both versions, I didn’t know who you were, really. Since we’ve established I am Demisexual, you know I can’t be with somebody I don’t know first. Now we are close friends. Also, I didn’t realize I wasn’t heterosexual until you kissed me.

Venom: Glad I could help.

TMNS: What I’m trying to say is the door isn’t as closed as I thought it was last year. Maybe that’s also why I’m not sure about operation Black Dahlia.

Venom: Beyond the impending apocalypse. I really don’t want to become dust. I hope for us to avoid that.

TMNS: I don’t want you to be dust.

TMNS: Ana just told me to read the idiot’s guide to polyamorous relationships again.

Venom: You should because I’m perfectly OK if you want to date both of us at the same time. Just give me a week or two to recover from the idiot boyfriend.

Venom: I hate Stark watches. They’re so sensitive. No more dictating things I don’t actually mean to send.

Venom: Because Stark watches are evil, BITC now knows I’m not heterosexual. There may have been a voice rec snafu.

TMNS: Or because you opted not to have Avenger Ana be your AI.

Venom: I like Philip. I just didn’t realize he was on Daisy duty.

TMNS: Philip sometimes does things when he feels that you need them.

Venom: I don’t think I needed your BFF to know I’m not straight. If this is all over school Monday, I will punch your best friend out.

Avenger Ana: The boy in the chair has yet to make any posts on social media. However, he has notified me of several posts regarding operations in Norway to recover the hammer. I am taking care of it.

TMNS: If the BITC does tell everybody, you won’t have to hit him because Afia would’ve already taken care of it. He has yet to earn back his autograph Mark Hamill picture.

Venom: I can see that happening.

TMNS: See if there is hot chocolate in the kitchens and make a cup for you and MJ. I will do damage control. I always have your back.

Venom: OK, I will make us hot cocoa. Everything is better with hot chocolate. Even the possibility of accidentally outing yourself to the entire school. It’s not like I can become even more of a pariah.

TMNS: It will be OK. I promise. I’ll even threaten him for you.

Venom: I think I like it when you’re adorable and protective Benjamin.
Xxx

TMNS: Hey, I’m up now. If you’re texting me, I assume it’s safe for me to text you.

BITC: I’m leaving in 45 minutes, so I’m OK with incurring her wrath. Besides, this is an emergency.

TMNS: On multiple fronts.

TMNS: Flash just told me that you know why he is totally 100% not interested in MJ.

BITC: He’s actually gay?

TMNS: Yes. Please don’t tell anyone else at school. Flash isn’t ready to be out publicly yet. Not at our school anyway. Although he is out at work. He kind of told you by accident because voice rec and Stark watches are complicated.

BITC: I kind of assumed it was a voice recognition mistake. How long have you known?

TMNS: For about a year.

BITC: And you didn’t tell me?

TMNS: It wasn’t my secret to tell. It’s against the friend handbook. It would be like you telling everyone my secret identity.

BITC: Point. And he is your friend too.

TMNS: I can have more than one friend. Besides, you should not be jealous of my relationship with Flash. It’s a very different type of relationship.

BITC: How is MJ? Obviously not well if Flash is the one who is telling me that her cousin is missing.

TMNS: MJ is very worried. We all are. Daisy is off-planet, and there’s no way for us to get in contact with her.

BITC: Off planet?

TMNS: She disappeared via the biosphere, and nobody has seen her since then.

BITC: I am not allowed to tell MJ how cool that sounds?

TMNS: No, not at all.

BITC: Noted. I’ll apologize the next time you’re in class because Flash already told me you’re not coming to school tomorrow.

TMNS: Yes. We might even be out longer. It depends on how things go this afternoon. There’s a meeting at 2:30 PM. That’s part of the reason why I’m up now. I have to be there.

BITC: Are you working to find Daisy’s cousin? Also, is there any truth to aliens kidnapping somebody in Mumbai? I’ve seen some interesting chatter in the superhero forums.

TMNS: That would be Phil, but he’s safe now. Or as safe as you can be trying to convince the president to actually do stuff in DC.

BITC: Why do you get to do all the cool stuff?

TMNS: It’s not that cool. It’s stressful and worrying.

BITC: Are you allowed to tell me about any of what’s going on?

TMNS: You are aware that Daisy’s missing. That’s the big problem.

BITC: I feel like there’s more.

TMNS: Counselor Laura is also missing.

TMNS: Well, not missing. We know exactly where she is.

BITC: And where is she?

TMNS: I haven’t been authorized to tell you yet. I have to talk to my SO. He’s currently in Norway.

BITC: Oh shit!

TMNS: Afia might be able to tell you more.

BITC: So am I taking notes for classes Monday?

TMNS: That would be very helpful. Thank you.

BITC: I will not say anything to anyone about Flash being not heterosexual. Besides, it’s not like I have a lot of people to tell. The only person I’m going to be talking to tomorrow is O’Reilly.

TMNS: Actually, you could probably tell her because she knows. She probably knew before I did.

BITC: That completely explains why they are friends now.

TMNS: Yes.

BITC: So how hard is it being on base with Flash not knowing who you and Afia really are? Why is he even at the Lighthouse? He doesn’t live with the mechanic anymore.

TMNS: As of Friday night, he knows. That’s kind of why he’s on base.

BITC: Oh, God. How did that happen? It wasn’t like another voice typo?

TMNS: I accidentally took my mask off in front of him, and it just ballooned from there. I don’t want to talk about it. Some of it I can’t tell you about even over this line.

BITC: You really have to stop doing that. I am so texting Afia.

TMNS: I know. Afia probably can tell you things I can’t.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

“I’m glad the principal let you see Kamala,” Tony said as Steve slid back into the passenger seat of the car. Tony opted not to go in because even though he’s been more of a recluse for the last five years, he could still cause a bit of a scene at a gifted kid school. Even if Brooklyn Academy was less science-focused than Midtown. Kamala has been trying to get him to be a guest speaker since freshman year, but he keeps turning her down. Maybe he should reconsider that.

“I am too. Of course, he knows me because I was friends with his grandfather during the war.” Steve explained.

“That gets you all sorts of privileges,” Tony commented as he started the ignition.

“Principal Morita might know you too. He was principal at Midtown previously. He was moved here because both he and the vice principal of Midtown were not snapped, and…” Steve trailed off.

“Brooklyn Vision Academy was not as lucky.” Tony finished for Steve. It was, unfortunately, a very common story.

“Yes.”

“I never understood why it was so random.” Tony wondered out loud. “From a math perspective, I get it, but from a human perspective, I don’t.”

“Why were we the ones left behind?” Steve voiced the question that he’s been thinking about for a while.

“I don’t know. Maybe the universe knew we could set things right again. Strange said something like that to me before disappearing.” He told Steve.

“Maybe there is something to that,” Steve said just before he turned on the radio. Thankfully, Friday wasn’t piping in songs of heartbreak this time.

“Do you want to finish the rest of the questions?” Tony asked after several minutes of silence. He’s already on the freeway.

“Yes and no. I’m kind of dreading the rest of the set. Apparently, phase 3 is where the real intimacy begins allegedly.” Steve remarked. Tony scoffed.

“Maybe that is the case for complete strangers. That doesn’t apply to us.” Steve smiled softly. “Although I kind of regret we didn’t meet at some sort of Shield mixer where we could’ve played team bonding games. Instead of getting mind fucked by Loki and Agent Agent having to die for our sins.”

“Twice,” Steve said sadly. “May never really recovered from losing Phil. I think that’s the real reason why we are just…”

“Friends, who raise children together that occasionally have sex?” Tony finished for Steve.

“Yes. May wants us to divorce after we bring everybody back. She actually said that to me in a text message this morning.” Okay, Tony wasn’t expecting Steve to say that.

“Oh shit! Are you okay?” Tony asked, concerned.

“I am resigned. It’s not a shock because we always knew the arrangement would end if one of us fell in love with someone else. But she’s convinced I’ll never make a move on that person if I’m still married to her.”

Why did Tony feel like Steve wasn’t saying something? Like maybe Steve already met that person he was in love with. And maybe, just maybe, if there are some universal constants, Tony could be that person. Oh great, now Friday’s playing the Backstreet Boys song Chances. (Every member but Brian survived the snap because it really was that random.) Friday really has it out for him. If she starts playing Siberia, he’s donating her to the nearest community college.

“I can see her point. You are loyal to the people you love. I had the bruises to prove it.” Tony joked. And apparently, it was a bad joke because he could see Steve’s eyes darken.

“That wasn’t just me protecting Bucky. That was me protecting you. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you actually killed him.” Tony can hear the sincerity in Steve’s words.

“I know you’re right about that after a good seven years of reflecting on the horrible choices of Siberia.” Once his doctor got him on the good drugs. “Mistakes were made on all sides.”

“The next question is supposed to be us using we sentences. I guess the first one is we really screwed up in Siberia.” Steve supplied.

“We screwed up so badly in Siberia that it led to us fucking up with the purple one,” Tony added. “We really, really regret the Siberia fuck up along with not taking time to fix it then because maybe if we fixed it, then we wouldn’t be dealing with the mess we have now.”

“We are trying to do our best to make things right even though we have no idea what we’re doing half the time,” Steve added.

“We are absolutely clueless idiots.” So ridiculously clueless, Tony thought at that moment.

“We are stubborn assholes.”

“Language.” Tony joked.

“I only watch what I say around the kids and over the comms. Curse words should be reserved for when things really go FUBAR.”

“I feel like accidentally hitting a building should qualify, but sometimes I think you were trolling me. You feel like a troll sometimes.” Steve smiled at that.

“Okay, I think we covered ‘we’ sentences. We even did bonus sentences. Yay us.”

“Agreed. For the next one, we are supposed to figure out a way to complete the sentence I wish I had someone whom I could share…” Steve explained.

“My burdens with.” Tony finished. “Maybe my life with, all aspects of it. I’m semiretired from the superhero stuff, but if the world needs saving, I’m in. But Morgan is my main priority. I need to find somebody who gets that. Pepper gets Morgan but not the other stuff.” Tony confessed.

“Robin and Kamala are my main priorities. May understands that, but we are never going to have that type of love. I know May is right that we are just staying together as an emotional crutch. We will never move on if we don’t let go.” Okay, that was more self-aware than Tony thought Steve would ever be.

“But our kids need us. I don’t know if we will give them what they need if we are not together. We may not even have to worry about that because if this works, Kamala will get to go back to her parents.” Tony realized that Steve was equally worried about losing his child. Yet Steve was the first one who wanted to try because he wanted to do what was needed for the world.

“You don’t know if that’s what she’s going to choose? Have you talked to Kamala about what you’re planning?

“Yes. I even told Kamala more details while I was in there. She wants to see her parents again.” Tony could hear the sadness in Steve’s voice.

“You and May are her parents. Did she call them her parents or her biological parents?” Tony asked

“Her biological parents,” Steve acknowledged.

“There you go. You are still important to Kamala. I’ll be there for you through this. I’ll help you share this burden. You can even stay at the cabin for a while with Robin. Whatever you need.” Tony wanted Steve there to help him through this. Breakups are hard, even under the best circumstances.

“Thank you.” Steve gave him another soft smile that made Tony’s heart flutter.

“Okay, next question.” Tony really hopes they move to safer ground.

“I’m going to change this wording a little bit since we’re not complete strangers. If you were to become a close friend again with me, what‘s something you would want to tell me.”

“I question the again part of that question because I don’t know if we were really close friends, to begin with. I think we were keeping things from each other. But I want us to get there this time around. That’s what I want to tell you. Which is why I finally told you about Pepper yesterday.”

“I didn’t actually know until I saw the video that Bucky killed your parents. I suspected it was him because I knew Hydra was involved, but I couldn’t find evidence that it was 100% him until that video. I just didn’t know how to explain that to you back then.” Considering what he knows now about Hydra’s multiple attempts to kill his family members, Steve’s uncertainty was 100% warranted.

“Unfortunately, I was too angry to hear your words. I’m sorry I came into our relationship with too many misconceptions and wasn’t willing to hear what you needed to say. Especially in Siberia. That was half the problem.” Tony acknowledged.

“I regret not talking to you before everything blew up. I regret not talking to you after everything blew up.” Steve confessed, and it practically broke Tony’s heart.

“Do you know what the real difference between us and our other selves is?” Tony asked Steve.

“That they figured out how to fix things,” Steve remarked.

“The Friday in the not completely fucked up timeline sent you my drunk text messages where the Friday here didn’t. I texted you all the time during those two years you were on the run. I just never sent them. I was afraid. Now I found out that somewhere in the multi-verse, there is a version where the messages were sent, and we did fix things. I think that’s the hardest thing to accept about our other selves.” Tony confessed.

“I know, and I wish we would’ve fixed things, but we wouldn’t have Morgan or Robin or even Kamala. I hate thinking about us not having them, even if it was at the expense of something so horrible. I don’t want to lose my daughters. I’m terrified that when we undo the decimation, I’m going to lose them both. Kamala because her parents will be back and Robin because of the divorce.” Via the rearview mirror, Tony can see there is a tear falling down Steve’s cheek.

“I’m scared of losing Morgan too,” Tony confessed. “It’s why I said no the first time when you asked. I didn’t even consider that there was a way to bring everybody back but not lose what we’ve gained.”

“Although it’s going to be chaos doing it that way,” Steve remarked.

“Millions of babies have been born in the last five years. Possibly billions if you include the rest of the universe. We can’t wipe them out of existence even if it would be more convenient. Because there are people that love those babies as much as I love Morgan.”

“But what about the people who died by suicide after the snap? Do we bring them back? Or Carol’s wife. They didn’t even get together until after the snap.” Due to some prodding by Deke and Simmons. Tony has no idea what actually happened. “And then three years later, she died of cancer. Do we bring her back too? Can we? Should we? I don’t know the answers to these questions.”

“I don’t have answers either, and you know I hate not knowing stuff.” Steve laughed at his joke. “I think whatever we do, it’s going to be a complete mess, but those people deserve to live. Yes, it’s going to be a mess. It was a mess when they left, and it’s going to be a mess when they get back, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.”

“I know you’re right. I’m just worried everything’s going to blow up in our faces.” Steve acknowledged.

“That feels like most days. Let’s move on to the next question because I don’t want to drive crying.” He was already halfway there.

“That would be bad.”

“Crying while driving is the absolute worse. I try to avoid it whenever possible.” When in doubt, joke.

“I’m now supposed to tell you what I like about you. I’m also supposed to be honest about it and say things I wouldn’t say to a complete stranger.” Steve explained.

“It is a good thing I’m not a stranger. We even cuddled in bed together last night. You are the best blanket ever. All warm and soft. I like that about you. I bet you have always been a cuddler.” Jokes were his best weapon of defense right now.

“May pointed out that I never cuddle her like that. Pepper sent her pictures from this morning.” He’s not even surprised Pepper did that.

“Did May tell you this before or after she asked for a divorce?”

“Before,” Steve answered simply. Oh, that is definitely not good.

“In the old days, before I got sober, I would get you a giant bottle of something very expensive and alcoholic.” Tony joked.

“Not that it would help. Although I do react to edibles. Although I need like three times as much. The thought is appreciated all the same.”

“I’m abstaining because anything can be a slippery slope for me,” and this whole entire mess with that other timeline has been making him crave a drink for a while. “However, one of the good things about the snap is they decriminalized marijuana. I’ll get you a breakup starter kit.” Tony said seriously.

“After we fix things,” Steve said, surprising Tony.

“It’s a date.” Tony couldn’t help but smile at that.

“I like how you try to fix things even when you have no idea where to start. I like that you’re there for me during this when I wasn’t always there for you, and I should’ve been.” Steve acknowledged.

“I’m well aware I am a bit of a prick. At least that’s what came out when Pepper and I were in couples therapy. I wonder if our old therapist would help us?” He and Steve definitely needed couples therapy.

“It wouldn’t hurt to have a possible backup name in case May and Laura can’t get Dr. Cruz. That’s why they‘re in New York right now.”

“They’re getting us a therapist. How lovely.”

“It’s obvious we need one.” Ain’t that the truth.

“Oh, we are both a fucking mess.”

“Is it okay that I like that we’re both screwed up?” Steve asked tentatively.

“As long as we both acknowledge that we are working to fix it. We are working to fix this?” Tony asked. Deep down, Tony wants to fix this. He doesn’t know if they will end up where his other self is, but he wants to be somewhere other than where they are now.

“I wouldn’t be going through these ridiculous questions with you if I didn’t want to fix things. I know answering these 36 questions isn’t going to fix everything, but…”

“We have to start somewhere.” Tony finished for Steve.

“Yes, and if this is where we need to start, then so be it.”

“It beats us eating our feelings over churros.” Tony joked. Again he’s only going to survive this conversation with high amounts of wisecracks and humorous deflecting.

“Those were some good churros, though. I kind of want one now.”

“Well, as you were talking to your daughter, I found the churro lady. Check the bag under your seat.” Tony instructed.

“You are wonderful,” Steve said just before he took one out of the bag and quickly took a bite. “These are so much better.”

“Of course, they’re better. The churro ladies are the best.”

“Okay, what are the other things you like about me?” Steve asked between bites of his churro.

“Is somebody fishing for compliments? Is it okay if I say I like your ass? You know I appreciate your ass. I liked your ass the moment I met you. That’s definitely something you wouldn’t tell a stranger.” Tony quipped.

“I don’t know. A lot of people said I had a nice dick after the Instagram incident.”

“Catcalls on Instagram don’t count,” Tony remarked.

“So interestingly enough, the next question is we‘re supposed to share an embarrassing moment with each other. You go first,

“If I share something extremely embarrassing that has never made it to the tabloids, will you tell me the real story behind the Instagram incident?” Tony asked.

“I will.”

“Okay, Howard caught me using your propaganda poster for personal time when I was a teenager.” Technically he was a preteen, but he wasn’t quite ready for Steve to know that yet. “I’m still shocked he didn’t yell at me. Instead, he had Aunt Peggy give me the Captain America was really bisexual speech. You’re actually the reason why I figured out I was pansexual. You‘re also the reason why I was comfortable being not that heterosexual. Because if Captain America was queer, then it was okay for me to be too.” Tony explained.

“Oh. Is it okay to say that I’m sort of happy that I helped you figure that out even if I kind of always hated those posters? I never liked being a dancing monkey for the government. I still don’t. I despise those posters.”

“Is that why you never asked me for the shield back?” Tony has wondered about that a lot. Even more so after finding out other Steve changed his codename to Nomad and made May the new Captain America. The government wasn’t exactly happy about that and tried to take back the shield more than once. That doesn’t surprise Tony one bit. They’ve tried it with him. However, he’s no longer in the business of passing Stark weapons to the American government, even if they were designed by Howard.

“Partially. But it really didn’t change things. When I accidentally posted my private parts to Instagram, everyone said how un-Captain America that was.”

“Even though you made a dick pic for your wife.” Tony was rolling his eyes at the ridiculousness of it.

“Actually, it wasn’t.” Steve acknowledged.

“Did you have a side piece?” Tony asked, even though he knew it was a ridiculous question.

“No, I haven’t been with anyone else besides May, even though our relationship is technically open. May is right. As long as I’m married to Melinda, I will never feel comfortable moving on to someone else. That picture was for you.” Thank God Friday was doing most of the driving; otherwise, he would hit the car in front of him.

“Okay, I need more details,” Tony said as he put the car into full Friday mode.

“You had the kids that weekend, and there may have been some edibles involved. May suggested that I send you a picture of my privates. When high, this seemed like a good idea.” Tony is now 100% sure Steve’s future ex-wife ships them.

“Those must’ve been some strong edibles,” Tony remarked. Of course, he can’t say anything because if Twitter existed during the worst of his drug addiction, there would’ve been so many pictures of his genitals everywhere. Actually, there already is because screenshots from the infamous sex tape make the rounds every few months. Fuck Tiberius forever.

“Maybe. Deke and May have theorized I react differently to marijuana than a regular person. It makes me more open and less scared to do things I really want to do.”

“And more likely not to know that you’re using Instagram instead of Stark messaging?” Tony asked.

“Yes.” Steve acknowledged. “Not that I’m very good at technology when I’m stone-cold sober.”

“Okay, I’m having Friday put parental locks on your Instagram account before I get you your breakup edibles.” Tony was absolutely serious about that.

“That would be best.”

“Hey, do you want to take over driving? We should be approaching my favorite gas station in the next 20 minutes. I want to text Laura to see how operation get a therapist is going.” Because he probably shouldn’t let Friday keep driving for too long. Technically, AI drivers are a little illegal. They definitely have to get rid of those stupid accords.
“Sure, I hope she succeeds. I could also use a soda after the churro regardless.”

“I could use 3 cups of coffee.” And at least a chocolate bar after that last revelation.

“Do you want to save the rest of these questions until after we switched drivers?” Steve asked.

“That is a great idea.” Because he doesn’t want to accidentally crush the car if there’s another strange revelation.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Tony Potts: So, I just found out Steve accidentally exposed himself to all the world because he tried to sext me while high on edibles.

Tony Potts: Which just a month ago would’ve completely shocked me, but Steve Rogers has never been a Boy Scout. Especially with all the homophobia.

Tony Potts: I also just told him that I figured out that I was not that heterosexual masturbating to his propaganda poster. Remarkably Steve didn’t freak out at all. Although he might still be blushing, and it’s been 45 minutes and a stop for drinks.

Counselor Laura: OK, now I have to ask you if you had any edibles or picked up any drinks of the alcoholic variety. I know my Tony won’t even do NyQuil. Actually, he’s even skeptical of any pain medication higher than Tylenol. He won’t even think about taking the version with codeine.

Tony Potts: It’s an opiate, and we had some problems with the opiate family after our parents died. Which may have led to that fucking sex tape with Tiberius. NyQuil contains our drug of choice, so that is definitely out.

Counselor Laura: I’m aware of the tape and the dark times that led to it. It made a comeback when my Tony “came out.” Not that he’s actually ever been in the closet since that tape came out but apparently, “no bisexuals” is a thing. Whenever a reporter says something about my Tony waiting so long to come out, he tells them to Google the sex tape.

Tony Potts: I look forward to dealing with that if I ever get a boyfriend.

Counselor Laura: My fingers are crossed that you’ll actually get a boyfriend. Potentially Steve, especially if he tried to send you sexually explicit text messages while high.

Tony Potts: But somehow gets Stark messaging and Instagram confused. This honestly makes me grateful that I did not go through my worst drug usage during the age of social media.

Tony Potts: I’m still sober, which is a miracle in itself because I really want a fucking drink right now. Honestly, I wanted one for the last week and a half. Yet while we were at the quick stop, I just got a giant espresso.

Counselor Laura: Do you need a meeting?

Tony Potts: This is my meeting. I would call my sponsor, but he’s probably busy with Pepper right now. So, I decided to call other Tony’s sponsor instead.

Counselor Laura: I’m here if you need me.

Tony Potts: We’re doing the 36 questions. For a pop psychology New York Times icebreaker activity, this thing has been getting a little deep. I need someone else to talk some of this out with. I should probably call my therapist but haven’t called her in about three years, so I probably need a new one. And my sponsor is working right now.

Counselor Laura: What question resulted in you revealing that you used his propaganda poster for personal time? I’m currently texting while we’re driving to meet up with our potential new therapist over coffee. I hope I am successful.

Tony Potts: 29

Counselor Laura: OK, now I’m actually going to look up what other Tony said.

Tony Potts: I don’t want to know. Me and Stevie bear decided that we have a bunch of other bullshit to deal with outside of just Siberia. Therefore our answers would probably be different than theirs. It was seven years later with a couple of failed relationships and a few kids between us. We’re not entirely the same people.

Counselor Laura: Yet occasionally, some moments tell me you are the same people deep down. My Tony also confessed about the poster as well as Howard walking in on him.

Tony Potts: That’s right. Me and other Tony would have shared that trauma since it happened before the dividing point.

Counselor Laura: Although Steve’s obviously happens after the dividing point, which means the answer was different. My Steve won’t sext Tony at all.

Tony Potts: I feel like there’s a story there that may be in the vein of accidentally posting a picture of your dick on Instagram.

Counselor Laura: So other Tony did not trust Ross one little bit. He covered up your communication with Steve by having Friday cover up the messages with essentially porn.

Tony Potts: I would do that.

Counselor Laura: Steve was a little upset about that. Especially because Sharon ended up reading those messages as part of her punishment after you managed to get her back in the good graces of the US government. So Steve will never ever give other you the real thing.

Tony Potts: I feel like there are other reasons.

Counselor Laura: And he knew how traumatized you were by what Tiberius did and didn’t want any of your personal messages to be used like that against you.

Tony Potts: Did Steve of the good timeline ever tell my other self that?

Counselor Laura: Actually, I don’t know. There’s no version of Steve Rogers in the multi-verse that is 100% perfect at sharing his feelings. They’re trying, but they’re not perfect.

Tony Potts: That feels oddly reassuring.

Counselor Laura: So, do you feel less like taking a drink now?

Tony Potts: A little. May and Steve are getting a divorce. They say it will happen when we undo everything. I think it’s going to end regardless, even if we fail miserably. There’s this little part of me that is happy about Steve being single. I feel awful that May’s giving me the green light to climb her soon-to-be ex-husband like a tree.

Tony Potts: Actually, she already did that when she sent him here with me with lube, toys, and condoms.

Counselor Laura: Melinda May has always been direct. From what I gathered, they needed each other after the snap and Phil dying. But maybe they’re ready to move forward without being co-dependent on one another. I also think May wants him to at least be happy. Perhaps she thinks Steve will be happy with you.

Tony Potts: If we bring back their dead friends and children, it’ll be a little easier even if we’re going to bring 1 trillion other complications.

Tony Potts: I’m trying to stay sober, so I’m not even going to touch your comment about Steve being happy with me.

Counselor Laura: Everything worth doing is complicated.

Tony Potts: That is very true. Steve Rogers is very complicated. But maybe if one version of me figured it out, I can too.

Counselor Laura: You might have more things to work through than who I’ll just call Tony 2018, but I know you. You don’t believe in the impossible. You’ll work through it.

Tony Potts: Probably with professional help. Do we have professional help yet?

Counselor Laura: We just parked, and I’m still amazed that there is parking in Manhattan.

Tony Potts: That’s what happens when you lose half your population. There’s been a lot of immigration from other countries, but there’s still a lot of space in Manhattan.

Counselor Laura: However, I’m very good at texting and carrying on a conversation, so feel free to keep texting me.

Tony Potts: OK. Can I ask some questions about us in the other timeline?

Counselor Laura: I thought you didn’t want to know?

Tony Potts: I don’t want to know exactly what Steve told other me because I want this Steve to tell me those things. I don’t want to cheat. I want him to trust me enough to open up.

Counselor Laura: Fair.

Tony Potts: Also, I really don’t want another revelation like finding out Aunt Ana was killed by Hydra. Along with Daniel getting killed by Hydra. Because Hydra killed everybody in my fucking family. They even got Aunt Peggy in the end.

Counselor Laura: This is going to lead to you really wanting a drink again?

Tony Potts: Possibly, but I feel like Steve won’t let me. He actually stayed close to me in the one-stop when I may have started going a little too close to the little bottles of wine.

Counselor Laura: He won’t. I think this Steve wants to support you as much as the other Steve supports my Tony.

Tony Potts: So, did other Steve ever figure out he can take edibles?

Counselor Laura: I don’t know if Steve 2018 ever tried because it could interact with his antidepressants. His body is not baseline.

Tony Potts: That’s true. Although the fact that Captain America is on antidepressants makes me feel happy in a weird way.

Counselor Laura: Probably because of years of Howard telling you that you could never be as good as Steve.

Tony Potts: Only when he was really drunk. Which is another reason why I need to not pick up the bottle even though it’s tempting. I don’t want to be Howard.

Counselor Laura: You’re not your father.

Tony Potts: Maybe not. I could totally screw up in new ways.

Tony Potts: Are you with the doctor yet?

Tony Potts: Is that why you haven’t texted me in like 15 minutes. I might have to talk to Steve again.

Tony Potts: OK, I just decided to look at the notes on superhero antidepressants and other medications. I am deeply regretting that I never got to meet the Princess. We have to fix that.

Counselor Laura: You’ll get to talk to her when the window opens tomorrow.

Tony Potts: I’m looking forward to it. I have a whole list of questions.

Counselor Laura: Actually, you should write those down now, and then Friday can push them through when the window opens.

Tony Potts: Good idea.

Tony Potts: So, do we have a therapist?

Counselor Laura: She’s going to help us. Thankfully, she’s not teaching actual classes this semester.

Counselor Laura: She also feels fixing the universe is more important. This is what happens when you’re ex shield.

Tony Potts: The saving the world thing never really goes away.

Counselor Laura: Not at all.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Since the snap happened, Steve found driving peaceful. Less traffic, for one thing. Of course, this drive wasn’t peaceful because he was lost in his own thoughts. Although wondering if Tony was freaking out about his Instagram confession was better than contemplating his impending divorce and the implosion of his family. What would the custody arrangement even look like? Polly asked Melinda to take Robin. If they divorce, would she just leave with Robin, and he would never see his daughter again? Would the Khans just take Kamala away as soon as they returned? Would he lose both of his daughters? The thought made him sick.

“Oh, thank God.” Tony’s mumble words broke Steve out of his thoughts.

“Good news, we have a therapist," Tony said, smiling at him.

“That’s good. We definitely need help. Maybe we got too focus on fixing things to realize that…" Steve trailed off, not sure how to articulate everything he's been thinking about for the last half an hour.

“Snapping our fingers won’t fix things. We’ll just be broken with more people.” Tony finished.

“Exactly. So we just have to fix ourselves.” The problem is Steve doesn’t know where to even start.

“I don’t know if ‘fix’ is exactly the right word. Regardless, it will take a lot of work, including answering invasive icebreaker questions," Tony replied. “And maybe some medication.”

“I know. Before we switched, I looked at my file.” Steve remarked.

“You mean the file of other you.”

“Apparently, the Princess's team managed to create antidepressants for me. He’s been on them for almost 2 years.” Steve wonders if his other self is as big of a mess as he is. Because he is a mess.

"Actually, I was just looking that data over. I wanted to see if the formula could be tweaked for others.”

“Thor?” Steve asked.

“It was a possibility I considered. Sometimes you need a little help. Or potentially a lot of help."

“True.”

“And I think we’re going to need him because we know that the blue bobble was stolen from the refugee ship and Loki was the one that brought it there but not much else. That's what Laura's team on the other side needs. Especially because apparently, May's daughter is with Thor."

It took Steve a moment to realize exactly who Tony was talking about. He meant Daisy. The one May watched disappear right in front of her. The child that she called out for in the middle of the night.

“And we need to help make sure she gets Daisy back safely.”

"We do, but that’s something to work out when we get back to the compound.” He knows Tony's right. Steve just hates being useless.

“Do you want to finish the last six questions?” Steve suggested.

“We should. We managed to get this far. I hate leaving things unfinished.”

"So do I," Steve replied back.

"Question 30 is about the last time you cried. It asked in front of other people or privately but let's just go with crying in general. Besides, I think we both started to tear up earlier with some of the questions, which is why I decided we should take a break." Tony's babbling, but Steve finds it endearing.

“This morning when May asked for a divorce. I'm glad you interrupted me to ask me a question because otherwise, I might still be in that room crying.” Steve might actually start crying while driving if he keeps thinking about everything that will change with the end of his marriage.

“Glad I could help. And, of course, you are going to cry at a moment like that. Anyone would start crying at the end of their marriage. Even if it was a friendship marriage. Maybe even more because it’s a friendship marriage.”

“We were happy. Now everything’s going to change. What if May takes Robin with her? Polly left Robin to her. I'm going to end up alone, and I don't want to be alone again.”

“Changes are not always bad. You're not going to be alone. You'll be at the cabin with me.” Tony said, placing a reassuring hand on Steve's shoulder.

“That’s true.”

"Also, I know you're scared. I was terrified that Pepper would keep me away from Morgan because of how badly I screwed up. However, we were able to work out an amicable custody arrangement. May will not cheat Robin out of quality Morgan time. She definitely won’t cheat you out of quality Robin time. Your name is on that adoption certificate. If you need them, my lawyers are there for you.”

“Thank you. I hope you're right, but I still cried.” Steve acknowledged.

“It’s okay that you cried. It means you are just as human as the rest of us. I cried when I found out that Hydra murdered my Aunt Ana and Uncle Daniel. That they've been trying to kill my family for decades. Literally decades. Your friend was just another tool to them. Maybe I also cried because Howard lied to me for so long." Steve could hear the hitch in Tony's voice. As if he was trying not to cry again.

“Finding out the truth was a lot?" Steve asked, genuinely concerned.

“Yes. So many moments of my childhood make sense now. I'm also a little less angry at Howard for sending me to boarding school. If one of our super villains tried to kill me, and Hunter accidentally got killed instead, I would've done the same thing. I would be dropping Morgan off at boarding school the next morning to keep her safe. I would've told her, but…" Tony trailed off.

“I get it. When I discovered the truth about my dad in the shield dossier, I destroyed a punching bag. Then I cried. It probably should’ve been the other way around." Steve explained.

“Probably, but you are not the best at processing your emotions.”

“I think I’m getting better. I did have to go through some training to become a counselor.” Steve realizes that maybe he should apply some of his training to his own life and have an actual conversation with May before he keeps panicking.

“Do you like your job?”

“I feel useful, that it is something I need to be doing. However, I'm grateful that Laura is bringing in someone more qualified than me. I'm aware we need help." Not even just Simmons or Thor. He is worried about Natasha. Sometimes he’s afraid she wouldn’t even eat if he didn’t come to the compound.

“We are going to need professional help."

“Especially me because apparently, I had an untreated adjustment disorder.” And his reaction to the divorce request is making him realize that he probably still has an untreated adjustment disorder.

“It’s possible you develop coping strategies,” Tony suggested.

“My coping strategy was marrying May. She thinks that as long as I'm married to her, I will never completely move forward." Steve is starting to think she might be right. But how does he move forward? How does he do it without losing what he's already gained?

“So, the next question feels like something we already did with question 28. We are supposed to tell each other something we like about one another already.” Tony said, and Steve is grateful that he is moving them onto safer ground.

“I’m sure they mean something other than my ass.” Steve joked. He doesn’t want to think about his impending divorce.

“You have a nice ass. It's America's ass." Remarked Tony.

“Tony!” Steve admonished.

“Look, I’ve already confessed to what I did to your propaganda poster as a preteen. And you know what your name was in my address book.”

“Was?” Steve arched an eyebrow.

“I think I'm using cuddle bunny currently. Although you haven't texted me since I changed it last. I may change it again. My point is there's no reason for me to pretend I'm not sexually attracted to you. You’re either aware or ridiculously oblivious.”

“It’s hard to stay oblivious when there’s a version of us in another timeline that are engaged," Steve remarked.

“I'm good at lying to myself, but even I have my limits," Tony laughed.

“I'm also good at lying to myself, but I think I need to stop." Although in Steve's defense, he didn't think Tony would ever forgive him or want to be with him was a lie at the time.

“Maybe we could list things we want to work on instead? I definitely want us to have a better relationship.” Tony suggested.

"Especially because I am apparently moving in post-divorce."

“I went through the breakup with Pepper alone every time, and it sucked. I don’t want you to go through that.” Tony turned to smile at him. “The last time was even worse because I was barely talking to anybody, and Rhody took Pepper’s side. He said I was a jackass for thinking she cheated on me."

“You were.”

“I will never argue against that point. I don’t want you to go through all of this alone. But, hey, there's always rebound sex." Tony joked, and Steve could almost tell he's a little defensive. Steve is now aware enough that Tony joked when he was scared. Which was fine because Steve was terrified. But maybe he needs to stop lying.

“I don’t want you to be my rebound." Steve acknowledged, shocked he said that out loud.

“I mean, I can understand…" Tony started to stammer, and Steve realizes that the man didn't understand the truth of his last statement. He doesn't want any more miscommunications between them.

“I want Robin's prediction of Morgan being her sister to become true, so that means you can't be a rebound. I want more than that."

“Which definitely means no friends with benefits.” Because that was essentially his marriage and its ending because they were in love with other people.

“Exactly. I’m not doing that again,” Steve expressed.

“Which means we have to work through our mountain of bull shit. Yeah, we definitely need an Avenger therapist. Maybe we should do couples therapy?” Tony suggested.

“You’re serious about that?” Steve asked.

“Yes, which actually goes to the next question, which is, is there anything too serious to joke about? Even though it should be obvious at this point that I use humor as a defense mechanism. However, joking about my desire to work things through with you is not something I would do. I want to fix us, and I have for the last seven years.

“I would say Siberia is too serious to joke about, but I think you've made some Siberia jokes," Steve remarked.

“I usually refer to that whole episode as the uncivil avenger toddler squabble. Apparently, my other self calls it something similar.”

“I’m not surprised. I don’t joke about your death. That would just be too much." Steve answered.

“Joking about your death is also on the list. Also, the kids. That is definitely a line I won’t cross.” Tony replied sternly.

“Agreed.”

"At this point, I want to know what my other self did to have Jane force him to do these questions. Friday, sweetie pie, do you have an answer?” Tony asked the AI.

“Jane wanted to publicly announce Peter as an Avenger after the Vulture incident. Unfortunately, that still happened in the other timeline. Happy was upset about your relationship with Steve and ignored the ATCU sanction plan to move the weapons upstate away from the kids.

“Did other me not sell the tower?” Tony asked

“It’s currently being leased to the federal government for the temporary headquarters of the ATCU. Your other self lives in Queens though in a townhouse.”, the AI answered, and Steve found he liked the idea of Tony living in Queens.

“Not quite the Woods but not horrible,” Tony remarked.

“Friday, could you continue explaining.” Steve prompted, otherwise they were going to get very sidetracked.

“The situation with Ross was a bit more volatile at that point compared to here. That Mr. Stark refused to announce Spidey’s identity. His penance was to do these questions as part of a profile for the New York Times. However, after reading your responses, Jane felt it was inappropriate and scrapped the idea." The AI responded.

"That makes sense. I would've done a lot for that kid, including trying to come up with an answer for question 33.”

“You would,” Steve answered simply.

“Also, I feel like pre-parent me was an idiot. At the time, I did want to publicly acknowledge Peter as an Avenger. I even threw a press conference. Thankfully Peter was smarter than me and said no. But as Morgan's dad, I realize that was stupid. I'm glad other Tony figured that out sooner. Incidentally, that's how Pepper and I got engaged because Happy always carried an engagement ring.

“How bad is the question? I'm concerned that you're babbling. Wait, he always carried an engagement ring? You know he's with Pepper in the other timeline?”

“Yes. A lot of things make a hell of a lot more sense now. Obviously, he was living vicariously through me. However, I think that ship has sailed. Happy was happy with May before the snap messed everything up. At this point, I think Morgan's going to get a Fitzsimmons for a step-daddy. That’s definitely going to break the half your age +7 rule since I don’t even think Deke was born for another 30 years in his own timeline.”

"You scare me when you babble like this,” Steve remarked.

“Well, considering we both had multiple near-death experiences asking us what we would regret not saying before we go, would be a really bad question to discuss. It’s not something I want to think about.” Tony finally acknowledged.

“We can skip this question.” Steve offered because he doesn’t want to think about Tony dying again.

“Or we can talk about our last near-death experience and our biggest regret at the time. I'm sure you're going to say not getting that dance with Peggy." Tony remarked.

"Artie, actually. We had a big fight before we last parted, and I regret never fixing things. Grant, Artie’s husband, said that he forgave me, but I could not believe him. Maybe before May, I would've said Peggy, but she helped me make peace with her. I have seen Melinda in so much pain because of Phil. I don't want to stay in that place. I realize I have to let go of what I never really had. Peggy was something I just built up in my head. It wasn't real. But I had Artie once upon a time, and I regret we never made peace." Steve confessed.

“Do you think that maybe by divorcing you, May is letting go of agent once and for all? You won’t be her buffer anymore?” Tony asked.

“Maybe, but I think I'm also using her as a buffer.”

“To protect you from what?” Tony asked. Surprisingly at that moment, the radio (Friday) started playing robot boy by Linkin Park.

“You. How I feel about you. As long as I was married to Melinda, and you thought it was a real marriage, I could keep you at arm’s length.” Steve confessed. “I don’t want to do that anymore.”

"I don't think I ever actually saw it as a real marriage because I always knew it was for custody of the kids. But I was furious at you for not coming to me to help with lawyers so you wouldn’t have to get married. Now I realize it was more nuanced than that."

"It was, but you're right. We should have come to you. But you were so mad at me for my various mistakes, and I was afraid to face you. But I can't just keep running away." Steve acknowledged.

"Because then that will be another regret to have during the next near-death experience."

"Exactly," Steve replied.

"Unfortunately, I probably have a more recent near-death experience than my other self. That would be almost starving to death on the flight back before Carol saved my ass.”

“I’m grateful that she saved you. We were trying to retrofit The Zephyr to come to get you with stolen Hydra/alien technology. Unfortunately, we were not going fast enough for me," Steve acknowledged.

"Good to know you had another plan. Anyway, I made recordings for all the important people in my life. Sort of a last confession. I made one for Pepper, but I made one for you too.” Tony acknowledged

“What did you tell me?” Steve asked.

“That I was sorry I never sent any of the text messages that I've been writing you for the last two years. That I was so mad at you for choosing Bucky because I was in love with you.” Maybe Steve should be surprised about that love confession. But he’s not. It took him a while to realize it, but the other Tony and Steve were in love with each other before the timelines split. That means that he and Tony have been in love with each other since, at least before Siberia, possibly longer. Steve isn't sure when he fell in love with Tony. He just knows that he is in love with him. They are hopeless.

“I didn’t choose him. I chose you. I didn’t want you doing something you would regret." Steve confessed.

“I know that now. But I think if I died on that ship, my regret would be not working things out. And I got a second chance. Then I wasted five years not working on this with you.” Tony sounded regretful.

“Because binge-eating churros was easier.” Steve joked.

“That was so much easier than being in a car and trying to talk to you. I don't even think I would even try if I didn't know…" Tony trailed off, not sure what to say next.

“That we're getting married in another timeline." Steve supplied for him.

“Yes, because if they can work through everything, then so can we. I want to try now.”

“I want to try it as well. I was so happy when I saw you on that ship. I was terrified that I lost you too, and…” Steve stopped so he could wipe the tears starting to fall. He really doesn't want to be driving and crying, but he is.

“Well, it looks like we are getting a new answer to the crying question," Tony remarked. “Which is not surprising because I think these questions are designed to make everyone cry. I hope the other Tony sent Jane a really nice apology cookie basket.”

“I hope you did too," Steve remarked.

“We also need to get Laura an even better gift basket considering the next three questions.” Tony sounded concerned.

“Hit me with them.” It can’t be that bad.

“See, this question is weird for me since this is pretty much what happened when I was an idiot and got my Malibu house blown up."

“What’s the question?” Steve asked tentatively.

“Basically, after you manage to get your loved ones and pets out of the house, if you had time to go back and get one more thing, what would that thing be? I feel like this question was written before everyone found out how Jack died on This Is Us." Tony joked.

“Definitely.”

“Because obviously, the answer is once everybody you love is out, you don’t go back in. Nothing is worth risking your life. They are just things. It can be replaced." Tony answered.

"Although there are some pictures of my mom that I don't think I have anywhere else. I still wouldn't go back for them.”

“See now I wish you what had told me that when we were closer to Brooklyn. Text your…” Steve is sure Tony was going to say your wife but stopped himself. “Text May and tell her to scan them, and I'll upload them to Friday. That way, you won't have to risk dying to get them. I really don’t want you dead.”

“I will. I don’t want you dead either.”

“That is good to know. I don’t know how we managed to piss off Laura so quickly, but I think I’m going to have to get her a shoe basket. Normally wine would be next, but that would be an inappropriate present for Laura.”

“This is true. I think I know what question this is. The one about what death hurt the most?” Steve asked.

“Yes," Tony answered quickly. “We’re skipping this question.”

“I completely agree. We've seen too many people die, and they've all hurt.”

“I watched Peter die in my arms. That was the second time something like that has happened to me and it didn’t make it any less awful.”

“It hurts. Even if we actually undo it our pain isn't going to leave us.” Steve responded.

“I think we were lying to ourselves before thinking that if we just undid the snap, everything would be fixed, but…”

“We have to fix ourselves. The stones are not going to do that. We have to do that.” Steve acknowledged.

“That is so true. This brings us to question 36. We are supposed to share a problem with each other and come up with a solution. I don't think they were talking about time travel when this question was written.” Tony joked.

“Or what’s the most ethical way to bring back half the life in the universe.” Steve has also been thinking about that since their conversation that morning.

“Is it really ethical to bring everybody back without any planning?” Tony asked.

“Do we just bring back the people who were snapped, or do we bring back everybody who died from other complications? Should we bring back Yo-Yo or Vision?” Steve added to their list of ethical dilemmas.

“Vision had a will. He didn’t want to be resurrected or get turned into a science experiment.” Tony explained. “I think he knew about what happened to Agent. Vision didn't want that to happen to him. This is why we're suing the hell out of Sword for the stunt they pulled in Wakanda. They were essentially grave robbing." Tony sounded furious.

“Stuff like that is why May had Phil cremated.”

“Did she keep his ashes?” Tony asked.

“We scattered them in the ocean in Tahiti together," Steve explained.

“Good. And there's another ethical question. Should we bring Phil back?”

“He would hate us if we did." Although May would love for him to be back, she would respect his wishes.

“I don't think there are answers to these questions," Tony added after a quiet moment of reflection.

“We sold the Khan’s house. So, if we bring them back, where are they going to live?" Steve lamented.

“This is actually one I can answer. You did sell the house, but you sold it to me. The house is empty right now after the last renter left. I still have people that can get the house ready. You put their stuff in storage, right?” Tony answered.

“Yes. It didn’t feel right throwing it away.” Steve answered.

“Good. Give Friday the information, and we will move all their stuff back into the house. See, I helped.”

“But what about others like Peter and his aunt?” Steve asked.

“Okay, so your daughter may have convinced me that real estate was where I should make some major investments, especially because things were so cheap post-snap. I might have acquired about 15% of the greater New York area. I should probably tell my people to make places habitable because we're going to need shelter if we're bringing everyone back soon."

“Yes. You bought up real estate because Robin told you to?” Steve asked incredulously.

“She put forth a solid case." Steve really shouldn't glare at Tony when he is driving, but he does anyway. "Plus, you know I hate seeing things abandoned and dilapidated. I had to do something during my retirement, and real estate seemed like a good idea. Although I'm going to give a lot of it to the Jarvis foundation. Homelessness is going to be a big problem. We can turn a lot of those places into shelters."

“We’re just going to have to take it one thing at a time. And you can’t fix everything." Steve reminded him. "But knowing you, you’re going to still try.” Tony snorted.

“I’m working on that.”

To be continued.

Chapter Text

BITC: I owe you 20 bucks. You were right about Flash not being that heterosexual. I bet you already know that you were right. Actually, since Flash is your best friend, you probably knew the truth when you made that bet. Which is so unfair.

Purple Princess: Actually, I didn’t know the truth at that point. I just suspected it. This was kind of how Flash and I became friends.

Purple Princess: I was kind of planning never to collect anyway. It’s a little unfair.

BITC: Because you’re the heir to Stark industries and a future billionaire.

Purple Princess: All of that money is in a trust right now since dad is slumming it in the private sector for the good of humanity. But it was unfair because I knew the truth, and I wasn’t actually sure when Flash would tell you. Although I’m just thankful he finally did.

BITC: It wasn’t intentional. Benji said it was a voice recognition typo.

Purple Princess: OK, now I owe MJ $30 and a pair of shoes. Very expensive shoes at that.

Purple Princess: Ana just confirmed it was a combination of voice recognition typo and Stark watch sensitivity. Although she let it go through because she was mad at him. I’ll figure that out later. When we’re not in the middle of multiple crises.

BITC: I heard Daisy is missing.

Purple Princess: We’re pretty sure she’s with the Asgardians, and we have an idea of what planet they’re on now. However, we are still working on establishing contact. Which is actually what I’m working on in the lab right now.

BITC: How much sleep have you gotten in the last 24 hours.

Purple Princess: I don’t actually need sleep. Wanda just made it, so I feel like I do. I can override it in an emergency, and this qualifies.

Purple Princess: OK, sometimes I think this is her vengeance on the family line for killing her parents. Which is justified. Although I’m pretty sure it was Obi responsible for the bomb that ruined English night, a.k.a. killed her parents. But again, she’s entitled to vengeance because our name was on the missile. I feel guilty, so I watch old episodes of Malcolm with her in the middle of the night over secure video chat, and I let her make me get sleepy sometimes. I owe her.

BITC: I think you need more sleep. And maybe a therapist.

Purple Princess: I’m fine. It’s not like I lost consciousness again.

BITC: You what? Is this how Flash figured out who you actually are?

Purple Princess: Yes, which is also kind of how Flash figured out that Benji has a spider side. He took it surprisingly well, all things considered. He just passed out for a few hours, but he’s fine now.

BITC: Holy shit! What happened Friday? Benji just said he accidentally took his mask off in front of Flash.

Purple Princess: Because he was worried about me. I’m glad you did this on the secure line. Friday, we had two different alien invasions. One you’ve probably seen parts of on Twitter involving the Asgardians contingent.

BITC: That I know about. Good to know what actually happened.

Purple Princess: What we kept off of social media was they went to Norway and got their asses handed to them by someone who may or may not be Thor and Loki’s long-lost sister. Then they disappeared into the biosphere.

BITC: That explains so much. Actually, I’ve been monitoring superhero chatter. Apparently, there are pictures of Joey reassembling Thor’s hammer in Norway that are starting to crop up on social media platforms. And your big brother lifting it.

Purple Princess: Did you get rid of them?

BITC: Of course, I did. Ana may have helped. See, she likes me and hates Flash because she has taste.

Purple Princess: You guys really need to work through your bullshit. Flash isn’t going anywhere.

BITC: Even though I really wish he would disappear. I still don’t trust the guy even though he obviously isn’t trying to keep Peter from MJ.

Purple Princess: He’s like their biggest shipper. I mean, at most, it’s going to be an OT3.

BITC: Wait! What?
XXXX
Purple Princess: You just accidentally told the boy in the chair you are gay? Not that you and MJ are trying to get Benji to date both of you simultaneously?

Venom: Yes. I was a little annoyed with BITC, and I forgot the watch screen is sensitive. A few minutes later, I made a similar mistake. I accidentally told Benji that I would be OK if he dated me and MJ simultaneously. So I just picked up my new Stark phone. But I now know Benji is interested. I’ll freak out about that tonight.

Purple Princess: Good choice. Write up your experiences for R&D. I’ll forward them to the right person. I need to do damage control. I may have made a joke about you, MJ, and Benji becoming an OT3.

Venom: I hope so after we avoid half of us disappearing.

Purple Princess: Look, we managed to make an inner dimensional communication device overnight. I’m currently modifying it to see if we can pick up a signal to where Daisy is. At least we know what part of the galaxy she is in now.

Venom: I hope so. I’m currently bringing MJ ice cream because she started crying about Daisy again. I would give her hot chocolate, but we were out.

Purple Princess: I’m working on it. Maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll have it together before our meeting in 45 minutes.

Venom: I hope so
Xxx
.
Purple Princess: Sorry, Ana is working on a big project, so the lab computers are being overseen by an AI that doesn’t know my voice very well.

BITC: It’s OK. The idea of MJ, Benji, and Flash being in a relationship together is just ridiculous. I mean, Benji is straight.

Purple Princess: OK, so alien invasion two Friday was Coulson getting abducted by aliens at the signing of the Mumbai agreement. Don’t worry, it’s been handled. They are absolutely terrified of my badass sister-in-law. Because she is awesome.

Purple Princess: Although FYI, dad’s Deputy Director did not die in a car accident. She did have her daughter chained up, though, and Suarez is currently dealing with that mess. Also, Coulson’s back but dealing with stuff in DC.

BITC: So, I need to ask my best friend if he’s actually heterosexual? That is what I’m getting from you deciding to talk about an alien invasion instead of addressing that. Although I always knew Ruby’s mom was screwed up. I just got that vibe from her. Plus, Ruby was the only one who really got how controlling my mom is.

BITC: Benji told me some of that earlier. Along with telling me that I shouldn’t be jealous of his relationship with Flash because it was different. I just realized Benji used relationship and not friendship. So that means something, doesn’t it?

Purple Princess: This is definitely a conversation for you to have with Benji when all of this stuff is not going down. We have too many alien invasions to deal with this at the moment.

BITC: That is a very obvious point. Because of my overprotective mom, I’m stuck here doing nothing. Trust me, I would rather be helping you guys than thinking about Flash and Benji dating.

Purple Princess: You got rid of the images of Joey putting the hammer back together. That was a valuable contribution.

BITC: Ana could’ve done that.

Purple Princess: It works better when there’s a human with her. AI’s are great at what we do, but the human brain is different. You see things we don’t.

BITC: I feel like you’re slowly falling into the human category.

Purple Princess: Again, I think this might be Wanda’s plan for her ultimate revenge against the Stark line. And we did some really shitty things, so I’m not mad at her.

BITC: You have a guilt complex. That is why you let Clara throw red paint on you and call you the merchant of death Jr.

Purple Princess: Her mom died in the battle of New York, so I’m going to let her be mad at me. We have other classmates whose parents have been killed by Stark weapons. That means I have their blood on my hands. I’m the merchant of death Junior, or maybe it’s the third. So yes, I’m going to let people be mad and hurl insults at me. Actually, one of our classmates hates me because her family got expelled from Wakonda. So I have a lot of people mad at me for a lot of reasons.

BITC: I really worry about you sometimes.

Purple Princess: I’m OK.

BITC: So how can I help? Because I feel like we’re going into active apocalypse mode, and I still don’t know why you lost consciousness.

Purple Princess: Time travel and my alternate timeline self, who is still a normal AI pushing large amounts of data to me. Unfortunately, she was unaware I’m not an AI anymore. Not a normal one anyway. My body fried, and I think daddy wants Wanda to come to visit.

BITC: Did you just say time travel?

Purple Princess: I’ll have Ana send you the BRIEFR packet. Just make sure you read it in a secure location.

BITC: My dad thinks most of the stuff you send me is Avenger fanfiction.

Purple Princess: That’s because you are Ms. Marvel’s beta, and you make sure she doesn’t post things she shouldn’t.

BITC: I was nowhere near that good of a writer at her age. I’m just being encouraging.

BITC: Oh shit!

BITC: Laura got kidnapped by an alternate version of her husband and is trapped in an alternate version of 2023. Half of us disappeared because we lost to somebody named Thanos? Who is he?

Purple Princess: An asshole. Also, the mastermind behind the battle of New York. This is why we’re busy. It’s all hands on deck.

BITC: So, what are you actually working on?

Purple Princess: A really long-range communication device that can also pick up signals in pocket dimensions and other timelines. Dad already started on something a few months ago, but we had to work out some bugs on the receiving end. We got the other timeline part down. The other part is tricky.

BITC: We are going to have so much to talk about Tuesday.

Purple Princess: Not at school because it’s not secure. Your house is also out because it’s not secure. But, unfortunately, your dad won’t let you come to my house because he doesn’t want to make your mom mad.

BITC: Because she threatened to take him back to court if he did. I know they won’t listen to me when I tell them that I would rather live with my dad full time. They didn’t last time.

Purple Princess: I have to get your dad a better lawyer.

BITC: Please, yes. I don’t like this arrangement. I want to live with my dad. What about MJ’s apartment?

Purple Princess: Not secure.

BITC: I can’t even believe I’m suggesting this but Flash’s apartment? I don’t think that’s on my banned list.

Purple Princess: Because your mom would never think you would voluntarily go there.

BITC: True.

Purple Princess: Actually, it is secure. Dad owns the entire building, and it’s mostly ATCU agents with the occasional SI employee for flavor. We also put in the princess’s soundproof technology.

BITC: Emergency hiding place?

Purple Princess: It doesn’t hurt when your dad is the head of a spy agency.

BITC: As well as the fact that the watchdogs keep going after Flash.

Purple Princess: You think they would have stopped after I kick their ass, but no. There are idiots. Oh shit.

BITC: What?

Purple Princess: I’m getting reports from Daisy.

Purple Princess: A bunch all at once covering about a two-week period which doesn’t make sense because she’s only been MIA for two days.

BITC: Well, time travel exists, apparently. So maybe the rainbow bridge sent her back in time?

Purple Princess: That is not a horrible hypothesis. I’ve got to show these to MJ.

BITC: Go. I know she’s worried. Give her the good news.

BITC: You will keep me updated on what’s happening now that I’m not with my mom?

Purple Princess: Yes. We’re not trying to keep you out of the loop. It’s just we’re trying to respect your mom’s wishes. I would like her to eventually lift these bans, and if we communicate behind her back, she never will.

BITC: Even though I hate it.

Purple Princess: You’ll be 18 soon, and then you won’t have to deal with this anymore.

BITC: Finally, just another year.

BITC: I still can’t believe she’s letting me go to Europe

Purple Princess: Because it’s a school trip, not a Stark family trip.

BITC: Even though I am pretty sure your family subsidized it.

Purple Princess: Actually, Leo did. He’s pretty wealthy. He made a lot of money in the stock market outside of SI.

BITC: Did Leo use time travel for fun and profit?

Purple Princess: I cannot confirm or deny that.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Avenger mission report of Agent Daisy Johnson; UN Avengers member
Location: Grand Master’s palace, on Sakaar
Time: (I still don’t understand the local calendar even with Ana trying to translate it for me. She said it’s like five days before I left. That can’t be right?) 245 hours after arrival

Conditions are improving between Loki and me. It helps that he brought me chocolate. I think Ana helped because he never actually had chocolate before. Apparently, the Asgardian version of candy is essentially trail mix. No wonder he’s so cranky.

We are back to working together even though I do not like what’s going on with the Grand Master. The room upgrade feels dirty. I cannot enjoy the hot tub at all. Especially because Ana told me there were cameras in there, probably for the Grand Master’s viewing pleasure. She’s working on getting into the system and creating a false loop. After she does that, I will consider using the hot tub.

We also got a new wardrobe. I was tired of being dependent on Loki’s magic for a fresh outfit each day. Thankfully the new outfits are quite comfortable. Unfortunately, they do show way too much cleavage. They remind me of the pictures Natasha showed me from her time posing as Tony’s assistant. We all should’ve realized that undercover wardrobe was Hydra and not just misogynistic as fuck.

I really shouldn’t be surprised at the wardrobe choices since I just received my invitation to the Grand Master’s bimonthly orgy. I’m going because I’m not letting Loki go there alone. I don’t quite trust him that much yet.

OK, I don’t trust the Grand Master at all. I’ve heard he sends “toys” to the gladiator ring that he is no longer fond of. That’s the preferred option. He has a weapon that disintegrates a person on contact. I saw it in action yesterday. We are trying to avoid that by whatever means necessary. This doesn’t entirely mean I am fond of Loki. I just do not want to be on this planet alone.

Loki is fine with going because he’s a hedonist at heart and will never turn down a good orgy. I remind myself that every agent ends up undercover at an orgy at least once in their career. At least I’m not on a deserted alien planet with only strange squid pieces to eat. At a minimum, the orgy will have good food, and I could use a drink. It’s been a very long 245 hours.
Xxx

Personal message to Red Spider from Quake
time: 250 hours after arrival

Hey, I’m not sure if you’re going to get this, but I thought I should write you about the upcoming mission. Especially because it’s going to involve something that we’ve discussed regarding how far we were allowed to go on missions. However, I still want to discuss it again, even though I know I won’t get a response from you before the mission starts.

I know I have a mission free pass. You told me multiple times that you won’t consider it cheating if I needed to have sex on a mission to stay alive or for the sake of national security. I know you’ve had to do it before and you’ve told me it’s OK. Of course, you said that because you know neither the Chief mechanic nor chief monkey lover would put me in that type of position. Not intentionally anyway. Yet, I got caught in the magical rainbow and ended up stranded on an alien planet with Loki, of all people. We are currently picking out the best outfits to wear to an orgy.

I’m wearing glitter and what can probably be described as a purple leather bikini. Loki magicked my shoes, so it looks like I’m wearing heels, but they’re actually boots. They did the same. Just in case we need to make a run for it.

I will be ingratiating myself with various guests to try to figure out which portal to take. Loki will be getting the codes for the ships. You won’t hate me if I have to have sex with somebody to get back home, right? I hope I don’t. The thought of doing something like that reminds me too much of when I was on the streets.

I really do not like where this mission could go, but I’m going to survive by whatever means necessary. I will come back to you. I promise.

XXXX
Avenger mission report of Agent Daisy Johnson; UN Avengers member
Location: Grand Master’s palace, on Sakaar
Time: (Ana still says it is earlier than when I left.) 285 hours after arrival

Operation orgy went well. We now have the codes to the Grand Master’s fleet of pleasure ships. I think it’s in everyone’s best interest that I do not outline exactly how we got those codes. On the official form, just list this mission as code honeypot, and let’s leave it at that.

Unfortunately, we still don’t know which portal to take. Trying to discuss how to get the hell off this place when most people are extremely high on something referred to as a puff is a little difficult. Loki wouldn’t allow me to have any because apparently, they’re pretty much ecstasy to humans. I did get the name of someone that could help, another Asgardian who goes by Scrapper 142. She’s another pet of the Grand Master’s, but she’s the type that does his dirty work instead of just warming his bed.

Did I mention that we’re passing me off as Asgardian? Humans tend to end up in the gladiator arena as the warm-up kills. I can use my quake powers to fake some stuff, and illusions are doing the rest. We made very good use of illusions.

I’m going to try to follow up on my lead. I’ll send another message when I have more. Ana is working on a different way to transmit these messages. We figured out a way to plug her into the main network last night. I’m hoping maybe she’ll find something useful so I won’t have to keep barhopping.

XXXX
Personal message to Red Spider from Quake
time: 286 hours after arrival
Hey, separate message for you again. I did not want the details of the mission to go into the report to preserve Loki’s privacy, but you should know. Yesterday, I found out why the Grand Master hasn’t hit on me excessively because Loki told him I am a lesbian and not interested in men. This is why Loki stays in their female form with me but switches into his male form with the Grand Master. I have been upgraded from travel companion to lover. And Loki doesn’t share their toys, but watching is allowed. The Grand Master was intrigued, and we used that.

So good news: I did not have to make out with random men or women at the orgy. I did make out with one gender-fluid individual in front of the Grand Master as a distraction.

We convinced the man that we were putting on a show for him. While he was watching us make out, Loki used their magic and knocked him out for the rest of the night. We then use that time to go through his mind and get the codes. Ana already told us nothing would be in the files. Loki has more powers than we thought they did.
Anyway, the Grand Master woke up completely hungover with the adequate amount of bite marks to make him think he had one hell of a night. It helped that there was an illusion running of various sex noises. Ana helped with that. Apparently, the porn cover-up protocol is still a thing. The camera in the room had a little “accident,” so it collected audio only for the evening. An audio track created by Ana.

Of course, to sell it we had to stay in the room all night. Also, I had to wake up sleeping in the same bed as the Grand Master. Loki and I ended up playing 20 questions to pass the time. I answered more questions about past relationships than I ever wanted to. He knows about Lincoln now. That came out when I found out he feels personally responsible for his mother’s death.

Is it weird to find out that we have a lot in common? He wiped his father’s mind after his mother’s death and put him in a nursing home in Manhattan. I wiped my father’s mind after he killed my mother to save me, and now he is a veterinarian in Bethesda. I don’t exactly have the moral high ground here.

Although at least I know I wasn’t actually abandoned by my birth parents now. I did think for most of my life that no one wanted me. I may have done some destructive things because of that. I didn’t try to take over the world, but you know I hacked the Pentagon a couple of times. Also, I did leak what actually happened to Obadiah. I think Jarvis may have let me, but Vision refuses to confirm that.

When I have free time (and hopefully back on earth), I will look into the board members that are being pricks to Leo. I wish I still had earth Internet capabilities because I would be working on it right now. Although Ana is now hooked up to the galactic net and trying to find out everything about the planet we’re currently on. Still, nothing about the portals, but now I have access to the Grand Master’s dossier. He has a brother who likes to collect things. Things that might be of interest to our current situation. Ana is working on getting details.

The grandmaster completely believed he had a night of pure indulgence. He also tried to grab my ass during breakfast. Thankfully Loki swatted him away for me. It works with the cover. I did get a wonderful breakfast out of it. Somehow, this is not the worst mission I’ve ever been on, but I once got superpowers because of a shiny rock. And lost my best friend. It’s pretty hard for a mission to be worse than that.

It was easier to be able to treat it as a mission when working with someone else that knew what was going on than kissing random strangers. Although at least it would only be female strangers. When I was on the streets, I never had to have sex with women. Therefore, I can disassociate it from that time.

Also, this is not the first time I’ve pretended to put on a show for a guy and then knock him out and steal his wallet. Although this time it’s his ships or will be as soon as we know what portal to take. I’m going barhopping tonight to find the elusive Scrapper 142. I really hope I can find something out and get out of this place.

PS: I didn’t tell Loki that you were my girlfriend until after our mission. He is pretty sure you’re going to try to kill him. Also, they apologized for calling you an inappropriate medieval slur.

Xxxxxx

Avenger mission report of Agent Daisy Johnson; UN Avengers member
Location: Grand Master’s palace, on Sakaar
Time: (Ana still says it is earlier than when I left.) 320 hours after arrival

I did not find the Asgardian alcoholic in question. I’ve gone to the bar two nights in a row and nothing. Apparently, she’s been working. Although I do now have a list of portals, we’re not supposed to take. It’s amazing what you find out at the pub. If we don’t find the right portal, it will take about a year to get to earth. And that’s with jumps. This completely explains why nobody has received my messages. I am probably way too far away. That being said, Ana is now completely hooked up to the local system. I think she has a way to get a message to earth quickly. Ana is going to try to resend my messages to earth through this new network. She’s just working on the encryption now.

Unfortunately, I watched another one of the Grand Master’s playthings get vaporized today, so we definitely want to get out of this place sooner rather than later. The guy is enjoying Loki’s shapeshifting abilities, but that’s only going to last so long. We have to get out of here. We’re working on it.

We’ve been invited by the Grand Master to watch a gladiator event in his private box two days from today. That’s not what they call it, but I’m still getting a handle on reading the local language. I hope I’m not here long enough to actually need it.

We’ve also been invited to court again. That’s probably going to be miserable.
Xxx
To the heart from Quake
Time: 343 hours after arrival
Hey AC, I miss you and May. I hope that you will get this latest message. Ana hasn’t received a bounce-back on what she sent earlier. If you read all my work messages, you’re aware I am with Loki. The good news he is significantly less homicidal without the scepter. Also, possibly less mindfucked.

Well, under the control of someone else, but he doesn’t see it that way. He won’t even tell me who. I understand. It’s kind of like the fact I still accept responsibility for everything I did while under Hive’s control. Loki tried to take over New York, and I almost turned most of Europe into mind-control zombies. The only reason why it didn’t happen is my boyfriend sacrificed himself in my place. Lincoln’s blood is still on my hands the same way your death is on Loki’s. The difference is you’re still here. I’m happy about that.

He apologized for killing my dad. Yes, he calls you my dad. He introduced me to the grandmaster as Daisy Philipdottir. He was really, really drunk and possibly high when he apologized, but I think he meant it. I want to believe that maybe people can change. If my mother can change for the worse, perhaps some people can change for the better. I know you would give him the benefit of the doubt even though he killed you. I want to be more like you. You believed in me when I needed it the most. I want to pay that forward

That being said, I promise to be careful. I grew up on the streets. I’m willing to move forward if you’re OK with that, but I’m not an idiot.

PS: Loki said that he was sent to check on the temple in Puerto Rico in the 90s. He never actually made it to the temple because he met a guy at a bar. He got really quiet then drank more after telling me that. Which led to him apologizing. He also said something about Odin possibly having his boyfriend disappear or perhaps killed. I have to get more details about that later. I think his father was a piece of shit.

PSS: Loki told Ana about this boutique called The Collectors Collection. She thinks that you might be able to find the perfect engagement ring there for May. I am sending you the address.
To be continued.

Chapter Text

Purple Arrow: Hey, when exactly are you getting here?

Red Spider: We’re landing in five. Agent America is with me. However, the boyfriend is staying behind to get POTUS to pull his head out of his ass on this. We don’t think agent will be successful, but he’s also looking for the Director of SWORD.

Purple Arrow: Good. We just got messages from your girlfriend. You need to read them.

Red Spider: Ana won’t push them to me until I’m at the compound. Security concerns.

Purple Arrow: Daisy is fine. She stuck with Loki and keeps vacillating between wanting to quake him and needing him to survive, but she’s fine. It’s just been a really long 340 hours for her.

Red Spider: Wait, what? It’s been two days, not nearly two weeks? Was that a typo? 34 hours is less, but I assume it would take a while for a message to get to us from wherever she is.

Purple Arrow: Not a typo.

Red Spider: ???

Purple Arrow: I’m not a super genius, but the science team consensus is she was thrown back in time about two weeks. We’re just now getting her messages.

Red Spider: Your wife is currently stuck in October 2023. Daisy ending up in the past does not surprise me but shouldn’t that cause a timeline branch?

Purple Arrow: I've been listening to Fitzsimmons Junior, Purple Princess, the Genius Princess, and the monkey lovers argue for the last 20 minutes about the elasticity of time. The working theory is neither Daisy nor her travel companion did anything to cause the timeline to branch. Fitzsimmons Junior believes that time is more elastic than we think. Leo argued that he managed to create a new timeline just by landing in Hunter’s lap.

Purple Arrow: The term stable time loop has been thrown about multiple times. So much that I’m about 30 seconds from getting my knockout arrows and shooting people. I’m starting with Fitzsimmons Junior.

Red Spider: I think Dr. Leopold landing in Hunter’s lap is what caused the branching timeline.

Red Spider: Or at least Bobbi says that’s the moment that ended her and Hunter for good.

Purple Arrow: From what I read in the other timeline, they were together when Bobbi disappeared.

Red Spider: That is definitely a departure from how things went here. Hunter and Bobbi were already falling apart when they dropped in on me. Leo was only back for about two weeks at that point. I didn’t even know Steve successfully got all of you out of the Raft. I thought I was mounting a rescue mission, and Mason brought me help. Agent 13 and Hunter were freelance mercenaries at that point.

Purple Arrow: That makes sense.

Red Spider: Instead, Leo told me I had loose ends to clean up from Dreykov. Although I didn’t find out Leo was a time traveler for a while.

Purple Arrow: And the Superior was a loose end?

Red Spider: That and preventing us from having the worst president possible. Dreykov had his hands in everything. Some things were still in motion even after destroying The Red Room permanently. I would’ve preferred the other person to have won, but it could’ve been so much worse.

Purple Arrow: I read. Thankfully he was snapped. Unfortunately, that resulted in Ross as president, which led to inhuman internment camps. Ross blamed Thanos winning on Daisy and Yo-Yo to get his way.

Red Spider: Fucking asshole. Now I want to go over to the other timeline to punch Ross out for disrespecting my girlfriend’s memory.

Purple Arrow: Eventually, you need to tell me the story of how you ended up with Daisy. Seriously, how did that happen?

Red Spider: May sent me a letter through Bobbi asking for my help.

Red Spider: Philip just informed me that I have two personal emails from Daisy. I will try to read them before the meeting.

Red Spider: We just landed, by the way. Which means I now have access to what Daisy sent.

Purple Arrow: Good luck. I think the meeting is starting the moment the Chief Mechanic arrives.
Xxx
Agent America: We just arrived at the compound.

Deputy Director Hart: Good to know.

Agent America: Did you read the messages from Daisy? I’ve barely had time to glance.

Deputy Director Hart: Yes, at least she’s safe.

Agent America: With the person who stabbed you.

Deputy Director Hart: Who Daisy thinks may have been under the influence of the scepter. Considering Stark made murder bots when mind fucked, I am slightly less inclined to hate him. People change, even Asgardians.

Agent America: You read the report from Bruce 2023?

Deputy Director Hart: Valkyrie, actually. Although she wasn’t there. She only heard it from Thor. Apparently, he couldn’t stop crying when he told her about his brother getting murdered in front of him, trying to protect him from Thanos. I am at least willing to give Loki the benefit of the doubt. It helps that I didn’t stay dead.

Agent America: You’re too good. In the other timeline, your injuries from New York eventually killed you permanently.

Deputy Director Hart: I am going to blame that on AIDA and Radcliffe. I am really grateful that Leo kept that from happening.

Agent America: Are we still sending Robbie to get Daisy?

Deputy Director Hart: Possibly. We might need him to help retrieve some of the stones. I think Daisy sent us a possible lead on another one. Given that she’s relatively safe for the moment, we need to prioritize getting the stones.

Deputy Director Hart: Besides, we know that they do get off the planet eventually. It might be more efficient to just send her that information and let her rescue herself. She’s good at that.

Agent America: I taught her well. Is this a different stone than the one that should be on [Redacted]?

Agent America: Philip ???

Philip: It was decided that in case transmissions are intercepted, all locations of the stones will be redacted. This information will only be given to the leadership circle. However, I will confirm that Daisy did pass a potential location for another stone. After the meeting, the leadership circle will decide if Robbie should go there.

Agent America: Which I’m not a member of.

Deputy Director Hart: By choice, I wanted to make you Director of SHIELD. You are in another timeline. I’m so glad we dodged a bullet with Jeffrey.

Agent America: Because of Leo. Also, because my other self had no choice. You were gone.

Deputy Director Hart: Daisy wrote me a separate message. Actually, that’s where she placed the code about the other stone.

Agent America: Did she explain exactly what she had to do to get the codes to the grandmaster ships? I’m concerned with her labeling it a code honeypot. Even if Loki is the honeypot.

Deputy Director Hart: No, although I assume lots of alcohol was involved.

Agent America: Probably. Also, are you aware that Stark changed your call sign to Deputy Director Hart?

Deputy Director Hart: I’ll have Philip fix it later. Still slightly better than Agent Agent.

Agent America: Marginally.
Xxx
BITC: I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have fanboyed the way I did. I sometimes forget that even though Quake is a superhero, she is still your cousin first. You love her and worry about her when she’s doing really cool things. I know the superhero thing freaks you out. Every time [redacted] and Aifa go to save the world, we’re constantly texting each other the entire time, so I can calm you down. Except when they’re saving our asses. But you get what I mean.

BITC: Afia said that you got messages from Daisy. Is she OK?

The New Consultant: Yes. Or as OK as you can be on a strange alien planet with the person who killed your father figure as your only ally. There’s probably fanfic about Quake and the God of Lies teaming up.

BITC: Currently on Freaking Cool, there are 35 Daisy/Loki stories. 21 of them have been written since Friday. Half are rated E. There were also an additional 45 Loki & Daisy stories. 35 of those have been written since Friday.

BITC: In contrast, spiderquake has about a thousand. Most of those have been written after people found out that Quake is your cousin. Actually, you are in some of the stories. You keep setting up your cousin with Spider-Man. It’s weird. Also, in half of the stories, Spider-Man is Tony’s secret love child or lab-created clone.

The New Consultant: I really don’t want people writing RPF stories about me. What’s the most popular spider ship?

BITC: You don’t want to know.

The New Consultant: I just looked. I was really better off not knowing. This is really weird considering how many people have Spider-Man as Tony’s kid.

BITC: There are usually different groups. Also, everybody assumes that Spider-Man is actually an adult. I don’t ship shame, at least when it comes to fictional character ships. For my sanity, I am going to consider the characters in the story as 100% fictional. Especially the ones starring Billy, the 25-year-old blonde model by day, Spider-Man by night.

The New Consultant: That’s probably for the best.

BITC: It is weird when they are writing about people I know in real life. Especially when they get it so wrong. I think this is why Ana has such strict parental controls regarding the site, especially for Ms. Marvel.

The New Consultant: Probably. I accept your apology. I should have called you Friday. I just don’t want to cause more problems with your mom.

BITC: You’re not on the banned list.

The New Consultant: Because she told me directly not to call you.

BITC: I am so exhausted right now. Can’t she just let me live my life? Afia promised to find me a good custody lawyer. I want to live with my dad full time.

The New Consultant: I’m sure she will. Hey, I have to go. We’re doing a group meeting in like two minutes.

BITC: Am I allowed to be at that meeting?

The New Consultant: Avenger/Shield/Wakanda government personnel only. I think they’re only allowing me in the room because Daisy was involved.

BITC: I can accept that. But you will tell me everything Tuesday though? Apparently, we’re supposed to meet at Flash’s apartment after class.

The New Consultant: Actually, we might be able to do it after class Monday. It depends on when we get back to the city. I’ll know more later. It might be sooner now that we know where Daisy is.

BITC: That makes sense.

The New Consultant: Sorry, I really have to go. Afia says I have to get Flash to behave. Apparently, sitting on Peter's lap is only doing so much.

BITC: ????
To be continued.

Chapter Text

Genius Princess 2018: A few notes to everybody else reading this conversation in real-time. First, we’re going to try to limit discussion to the leadership circle. You know who you are. Everyone else will be muted.

The heart 2018: That’s probably for the best with this group.

Genius Princess: We are tired of referring to the other timeline as the other timeline. After negotiations among the science team, we have developed an alphanumerical naming system. We are now timeline LF052016.

Venom 2018: At least you didn’t go with something like earth 52 or zero. This is so comic book. Can’t we go with something like the Kelvin timeline? Your naming convention is not dyslexic-friendly.

Chief mechanic 2018: Now I’m 100% sure your nickname came from the comic book character. I always knew you were holding out on movie nights.

Football Hunter 2018: I wanted to call this the Leo timeline, but I was overruled.

Chief monkey lover 2018: Would you like to sleep on the couch for the next month?

Purple Princess 2018: I think we should still go with the Leo timeline. We can call the other timeline the prime timeline since that’s what we branched from. It’s easier to remember.

Deke Fitzsimmons of 2023 via 2091: But we don’t know if it is the prime timeline. It could be a branch of a branch. My timeline was.

Purple Princess 2018: What about the snap timeline?

Monkey lover 1 2018: No. Because we can become the snap timeline too.

Genius Princess 2018: This is why we finally agreed on an alphanumerical system. We want something neutral.

TMNS 2018: Except it’s still the year and the month that the timeline branched.

Purple Princess 2018: I’m perfectly okay with this being called the dad and cap dad have their ship together timeline.

Chief mechanic 2018: Let’s just go with the system they came up with but dropped the LF part. Please, universe, don’t let us encounter more timelines.

Deke Fitzsimmons of 2023 via 2091: You know there’s more. An infinite amount of timelines. I came from one.

Chief mechanic 2018: I’m aware. I just don’t have the energy to meet more personally right now.

Chief monkey lover 2018: What if timelines are labeled by the dividing point? Then for each variant timeline, we use a letter of the Greek alphabet. So the original timeline would be timeline 052016 alpha, and we would be timeline 052016 beta.

Chief mechanic 2018: Can we go to gamma? Let Fitzsimmons Junior be the beta timeline.

Deke Fitzsimmons of 2023 via 2091: Actually, we should be the alpha timeline. By going into the future and bringing me back, the current 2023 I came from was created. It is still horrible, but at least the Earth is not in pieces. Also, we’re not in subjugation to the Kree.

Purple Princess 2018: Let’s just go with this. And no arguments about having a different branch day because we do not have time for that. Can we move forward? Otherwise, I’m muting everybody now.

Chief mechanic 2018: Fine, we are the gamma line for short. We should refer to our other selves as variants as well. This other you stuff is weird. Let’s take a scientific approach to this.

Genius Princess 2018: I agree. That was actually my next note. Moving on, theoretically, the window between the two timelines should open up, and we will be able to establish a connection in 5.6 minutes. During this time, Ana will transmit all relevant data we have relayed through the device to 052016 beta. This contains information about what is different in timeline gamma and our translation of the notes from Simmons of timeline 052016 beta.

Doctor Fitzsimmons 2018: It wasn’t that hard. I wrote worse notes during finals week my first semester at the Academy after living on Tea and red bull for three weeks.

Football Hunter 2018: I don’t even want to imagine that. It’s bad enough when the hubby does it.

Nomad 2018: Let’s keep the unnecessary chatter down, especially once we’re connected, even among the leadership group that won’t be muted. I assume we’re only going to have a limited window?

Genius Princess 2018: Yes, although we’re not exactly sure how long that window will last. So we’re going to transmit all necessary files first before starting the conversation. Director Stark will take the lead. Everyone else, please stay silent unless needed, or I will mute you all.

Chief mechanic 2018: Why do I get to take the lead? You’re doing a good job so far, Princess. You also have at least half a clue what’s going on. I didn’t even get to completely read the pre-brief because I had to read through agent Johnson’s reports. Apparently, the rainbow bridge can do time travel. We should contact Dr. Foster.

Purple Princess: Dad, you are the Director of Shield. It’s time to lead. Also, I tried. Dr. Foster wants nothing to do with us. Darcy agreed to be on call because it might help with her doctoral thesis. Apparently, her professors don’t take her seriously half the time because she started out in political science.

Chief mechanic 2018: Acting Director, and I feel like Patches could come back anytime he wants. Actually, that would be useful right now. The Princess should lead because she is a head of state. She’s also briefed, unlike me. I’m not going to suggest Chief monkey lover because I don’t think the other timeline is ready to talk to him yet.

Chief monkey lover 2018: Agree. My presence could possibly derail the entire conversation. I’m planning to stay mostly silent. If I have any comments, I will direct them through acting Deputy Director Coulson. He can assist you, but you should lead Stark.

Genius Princess 2018: My brother is a head of state. I’m not. He’s not on this call because he’s dealing with the Norwegian government right now for you. So you’re leading this.

Nomad 2018: Stark, you are leading.

Chief mechanic 2018: It’s never a good thing when you revert to last names Pookie Bear.

Purple arrow 2018: Are we only sending work-related stuff through to the beta timeline? Lily bear made a video of Nikki. She also wrote a letter. Can we send that through?

Avenger Ana 2018: I have already added that information to the data bundle in addition to the reports and emails from Agent Johnson. Is there anything I need to add?

Purple Princess 2018: You are the best.

Avenger Ana 2018: The window is opening in now between us and timeline 052016 beta.

Football Hunter: Are we sure we can’t go with Stark and Rogers are morons timeline for the other one?

Purple Princess 2018: Yes. I’m muting everybody other than dad and Coulson now. You are all toddlers.
Xxx
Timeline 052016 beta
Steve sat in the Avengers’ ready room next to Tony. He wasn’t quite prepared to sit next to his future ex-wife. Thankfully she realized that and was sitting across from him with Natasha. It made sense they were the leaders of the Avengers and shield now. Honestly, they’ve been avoiding each other since she came back with Doctor Cruz earlier. He had already moved into Wanda’s old room before Melinda arrived back at the compound.

“Friday will open the portal between the two timelines. The first order of business will be to send all the information we collected.” Natasha explained.

“We successfully put together a timeline of where all stones were located in 2018. We also included all the data we have so far on time travel.” Melinda added.

“Please tell me you encrypted the hell out of that list?” Tony asked. “Let’s just not hand the keys to the Kingdom to the purple one.”

“I’m going to have to go with Stark on that one,” Clint added. “I hate saying that.”

“It’s Potts now. Or if you must, Potts-Stark. I’m always right.” Natasha rolled her eyes at Tony’s comment.

“Obviously, we encrypted the message. I’m not an idiot.” Natasha responded.

“Romanoff and I will do most of the communication with our counterparts in the other timeline for the sake of simplicity which is apparently Stark and Fitz,” Melinda added. She seemed proud that one of her bus kids was in charge.

“Stark really is director over there? How did that happen?” Scott asked.

“Tony is still technically acting Director of SHIELD, but he is in charge. He agreed to it in exchange for getting the accords renegotiated and getting all of the Avengers pardoned or put on probation. Mostly Steve. And he was about 30 seconds from blasting Baker with a repulser.” Laura explained.

“That makes sense. Honestly, I want to do that on most days. It’s why I’m not allowed to bring weapons into board meetings. Or have anything that I can quickly turn into a weapon anywhere near me. Baker called me twice today because Deke is still MIA. He refuses to actually talk to the CEO because she doesn’t have a dick. Princess, please tell me that you are sending Deke all of Baker’s asinine emails and text messages. He can deal with that. I’m not. Seriously, why couldn’t he be snapped?” Tony complained. Steve placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I would like to inform you that the window is opening, and I have established contact with Avengers in 2018.” Friday interrupted. “We are currently transmitting all relevant data, including the emails from Baker.”

“Please tell me that you’re getting Deke’s notes back?” Tony asked. “I may be able to understand those.”

“Yes, along with a translation of Dr. Simmons notes provided by Dr. Fitz Simmons.” Simmons wasn’t there. She was in medical working with Doctor Cruz and Morales, going through detox. It’s good that they have her notes since she wouldn’t be able to help for a while or possibly at all.

“Of course, Deke can understand his Nana’s logic,” Tony mumbled under his breath.

“Dr. Jemma FitzSimmons did the translating,” Friday answered.
XXXX
Chief mechanic 2018: Is this thing on? Greetings, old earth 52. Laura, how are they treating you there?

Counselor Laura from 2018: Relatively well. Although I want this to go well because I want to get home.

Chief mechanic 2018: We want to get you home.

Counselor Laura from 2018: Which might be a little easier to figure out on your side.

Chief mechanic 2018: Apparently, you only have other me, Brucie bear, and Simmons. Granted, Simmons scares me on a good day, but we have the Princess and two Fitzs. If we can get our hands on Pym particles, we might be able to get you by the end of the week.

Scott 2023: Good luck; he hates you. You’ll see that in my notes. Not just because you’re a Stark but also because you’re Director of Shield, and they were responsible for the mess with Ghost. And his wife disappearing for decades. Nick Fury also tried to recruit Hope, his daughter, but thankfully, she said no.

Chief mechanic 2018: My entire tenure as Director of Shield has been fixing other directors’ fuck ups. What’s one more. Mackenzie, call me after so we can come up with a game plan.

The heart 2018: You are not cleaning up my mistakes. I’m taking care of that myself.

Chief mechanic 2018: If you didn’t suffocate the guy who murdered your girlfriend on the planet of the dead, Hive wouldn’t have had a vessel to come to this planet. Then you would’ve never had to resign.

Genius Princess 2018: Obviously, I did not mute enough people. We don’t have time for this. Let’s go over the plan. For the sake of simplicity, we have come up with a naming convention for timelines. We are timeline 052016 gamma. You are timeline 05216 beta. However, for simplicity’s sake, we will refer to each other by years. We will work on using the quantum realm to travel to you. Team 2023 will provide technical assistance.

Purple Princess 2018: This might be easier now that Ana and Philip have figured out how to even out the time difference between timeline windows.

Genius Princess 2018. However, the next window is going to be about three days from now for both timelines. They are working on calculating the exact time as we speak.

Chief mechanic 2018: We’re going to assume that the science team will be able to figure interdimensional time travel. The next priority is securing the stones. Do we have all of their locations?

Director May Rogers 2023: Approximately. Nebula believes Thanos could already have the stone being kept by Nova Core. If the timelines run parallel. Or he might get it very soon. We cannot get an exact date, but it happens before the invasion of Earth on April 23rd.

Chief mechanic 2018: Which stone?

Director May Rogers 2023: The one that makes you near invincible.

Chief mechanic 2018: Shit!

The heart 2018: That’s what we need to secure first. I’ll get in touch with the flamethrower. We need to put a team together. Should we send the big guns?

Director May Rogers 2023: Yes, if it’s not already gone. Phil, is that you?

The heart 2018: Yes. We use codenames over here because Ross is a Dick. Good to see that you’re the director. I know you will make a good one.

The heart 2018: Do you have a timeline of when the stones were taken?

Romanoff 2023: May needed to leave. I’m taking over. We have an approximate timeline, but the last few stones were gathered within a few minutes of each other. Five disappeared in about a day and ½.

The heart 2018: was it a coordinated attack? Is it possible that he’s had the locations for several of the stones for a while?

Romanoff 2023: In our timeline, he knew of the locations of everything but the soul stone. Keep in mind things might already be different in your timeline. But it seems that Thanos attacked [redacted] only after the death of the All-Father.

Romanoff 2023: You really take security seriously.

Chief mechanic 2018: Which happened Friday. Steve, I want you with Robbie’s team. We’ll talk offline about who else we’re sending. Although I’ll take suggestions. Apparently, Agent America has several.

Nomad 2018: I agree with Melinda. Natasha should go as mission leader. I think you’re going to need me to secure one of the other stones.

Natasha 2023: You need to send Wanda. She was the only one who really stood up against him in our time. I agree my other self would be better suited to lead the mission.

Chief mechanic 2018: We are you guys’ variants now. If Wanda is going, her husband is going with her. This may actually keep the purple one from attacking Earth.

Chief mechanic 2018: Our first priority is to secure the stones. Our second priority is to get them to the other timeline. The third priority is to keep casualties down to a minimum.

Romanoff 2023: Yes.

Chief mechanic 2018: I think we maybe should change the plan. Obviously, we have more technical know-how on this side, but we’re going to be busy securing the stones.

Chief mechanic 2018: This is made more difficult because we can’t just fly off to another planet. Not quickly. Right now, we will have to use the flamethrower and portals to get to the purple stone. Zephyr three is space-ready, but we’re still trying to figure out what [redacted] calls jump technology.

Romanoff 2023: Check the plans we sent. You should be able to modify Zepher three for long-range space travel by midweek.

Tony Potts 2023: Good thing you have another way to get there because the power stone may really be in Thanos’s hands by then. If the shiny bobble isn’t already on his gauntlet.

Rocket 2023: Have you perfected your long-range transmission capabilities? Your planet is so primitive.

Chief mechanic 2018: Yes. Who are you?

Rocket 2023: I’m Rocket. One of two of the remaining members of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Although we did adopt Fitzsimmons for a little while. He is an honorary member.

Deke Fitzsimmons of 2023 via 2091: Good to hear from you, Rocket. I miss you guys.

Purple princess 2018: I thought I muted you.

Deke Fitzsimmons of 2023 via 2091: I undid it.

Rocket 2023: I’m glad you’re there in the past. Look, you guys are busy enough. Just have the other team deal with the off-planet stones. Have Fitzsimmons call them. He knows the codes.

Chief mechanic 2018 The Fitzsimmons grandbaby can do that.

Rocket 2023: Okay, maybe not the one on [redacted]. You’re going to need Red’s firepower if Thanos is already there. But they can pay a visit to the Collector. That’s one less thing for your team to deal with.

The heart 2018: I think that was the one Daisy was referring to in her letter. We have to get there as well.

Chief mechanic 2018: Grandbaby Fitzsimmons, will they actually help?

Deke Fitzsimmons of 2223 via 2091: Possibly, especially because Ana just informed me I have a letter for Gamora from Nebula. I’m sure she put a code in there to verify her identity and the note’s authenticity. But we might need to pay.

Rocket 2023: Yes, she did. Gamora needs to be protected. Thanos will go after her.

Chief mechanic 2018: Why?

Rocket 2023: You didn’t read what happened to her, did you?

Chief mechanic 2018: I have been doing various morning talk show interviews to make the president happy. I, unfortunately, did not get through all of the files.

Rocket 2023: The purple fucker had to kill her to get the soul stone. How we’re not sure. Also, in the original timeline, she was the only one who knew where it was. He may have tortured her to death.

Chief mechanic 2018: Now I have that information on my server. Heavily encrypted, but it’s still there.

Romanoff 2023: Actually, we didn’t send you that location, only a note to ask Fitzsimmons Junior. He knows where it is.

Chief mechanic 2018: Okay, slightly better. At least the purple one won’t be looking for a time traveler with information. Ana, activate protective protocols for junior.

Romanoff 2023: I recommend that you take a team there once you have the Zepher ready. Less critical but still something to watch.

Chief mechanic 2018: I agree with that. We’ll figure out the specifics. We might have to bring some of the reserves in from Puerto Rico. I am sure Dr. Asshole probably needs a protection detail too.

Romanoff 2023: Potts says yes to the detail. Read his report about what happened next.

Genius Princess 2018: Puerto Rico should stay on the reserve. I’ll arrange for protection from my own people.

Avenger Ana 2018:: We’re losing the window in an estimated 290 seconds.

Chief mechanic 2018: Last call for comments. Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Natasha 2023: Once we’re able, we’re coming to you to help get the stones.

Chief mechanic 2018: And then secure them in your time.

Natasha 2023: Exactly.

Chief mechanic 2018: Okay, one final question. Do we still need Carol, and how do we get in contact with her?

Natasha 2023: Maria Rambo. Yes, you will need her. I assume Fury is not an option?

Chief mechanic 2018: Unfortunately, no. I haven’t seen him since he crashed Thanksgiving 2016. It would be really nice if Patches showed up now.

Natasha 2023: He rarely shows up when you need him.

Chief mechanic 2018: We’ll talk again in three days. Maybe by then, we will have a ship that’s working.

Natasha 2023: One can hope.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Steve: Just, so you know, Natasha finished up the conversation with the gamma timeline. It feels weird to call it that. We are going through the files now, including Deke’s report on what actually happened.

May: It’s better than us calling it the good timeline. Anything I need to know?

Steve: Tony wants to keep working on the time travel on our side too. There’s too much for the Avenger and Shield teams to handle, even though they have significantly more personnel. That’s why we are already going through the Simmons notes.

Steve: Also, Rocket sent instructions and codes to get the Guardians of the gamma timeline involved. That way, the Gamma timeline Avengers can outsource some of the cosmic stuff. At least until we can get there to help.

May: That’s probably for the best. If I remember correctly, we didn’t exactly have a ship that could go that far yet. Not until we repurpose the tech we got from the general. Were the schematics for the Zephyr modifications sent to the other timeline?

Steve: Yes, Natasha even pointed that out during the conversation.

May: Good. Friday, can I have a transcript of the rest of the conversation?

Friday: A copy has already been sent to your Stark pad. Also, I flagged several files from the other timeline that need your immediate review, including personal letters from Agent Johnson. Agent Romanoff began cursing when reading them. In the gamma timeline, Agent Johnson is currently on Sakaar with Loki. Ana added a note requesting any information on what happened. What we have so far is minimal beyond what portal they should take.

May: We’re going to need more details of what happened on Asgard and with Thanos afterward. I want Daisy to have everything we can give her. Unfortunately, the person who has most of the details is Thor.

May: Also, is there any way to get that to them sooner than when the next window opens?

Friday: Possibly. We have theorized that we might be able to push data one way before next Thursday.

May: Good. Daisy will need anything we get sooner rather than later.

Steve: So, we’re going to Norway?

May: I am, at least. I am not sure about you. Are you ready to be on a plane with me for several hours?

Steve: We can work together.

May: You moved out. I’m surprised you are the one text messaging me. I thought it would be Laura.

Steve: You asked for a divorce. It makes sense that I move into another room. Tony told me to text message you. He’s worried about you too.

May: If it was a room with Stark, I would say go for it. But you didn’t have to move out yet if you’re just going to end up in Wanda’s old room.

Steve: I need space to adjust. You’re the one that wants this. You can’t be upset that I did exactly what you asked.

May: I want you to move forward. I don’t want to keep using you as a crutch. I feel like I am keeping you away from who you’re supposed to be with. One of us should get their happy ending.

Steve: You’re not holding me back. You never were. And I never felt like you used me as a crutch.

May: It feels that way to me. I couldn’t even have a conversation with Phil of the gamma line. I ran away. I don’t run away from things. I was expecting to deal with Fitz. I wanted to actually talk to him. To confirm he was actually alive and not dead like I thought he was for the last five years.

Friday: If I can interject, Ana also sent me the pre-meeting conversation. As he’s known in the gamma timeline, James Leopold felt it was best if he was silent. He opted to send any necessary comments through Acting Deputy Director Coulson. He was worried his presence would derail the conversation. However, his spouse felt that you would need a proof of life video and included one.

May: Of course, Hunter did. I will watch the video later. Do I have that conversation as well?

Friday: Yes. James Leopold also wrote a personal letter to Simmons, but he authorized you and Hunter to read it. That’s also on your Stark pad.

May: Were any other personal correspondence sent through the connection?

Friday: Yes. As Director of Shield, you have permission to read all of them if needed. However, they are addressed to Mr. Potts and Agent Barton. She also received a video from her children.

May: They can decide if I need to read those letters. However, I will let Hunter know about the James Leopold letter and proof of life video. I’m actually near medical.

Steve: Read through the emails and the reports from Daisy. Then come back, and we’ll talk about Norway. I’ve really think I should go to Norway. In addition to Thor knowing me, I do have grief counselor training. I think you’re going to need that.

May: You’re not wrong about that. The conversation we need to have is going to bring back a lot of grief. I can’t even deal with my own, let alone someone else’s.

Steve: You’re not weak for having to step away. I don’t know if I could’ve handled talking to Bucky. Part of me is glad he wasn’t on the call.

May: Because he’s living his best life in Wakanda right now.

Steve: With his fiancé and stepdaughter.

May: Who is our daughter.

Steve: A healthy and alive Bucky would be on the top of my list of people to raise Robin if anything were to happen to us.

May: Right under Tony.

Steve: And Pepper as well. Tony adores Robin. I have to send you all the pictures I took when we were in Manhattan.

May: Friday already sent them all to me. And possibly more. Pepper too. You and Tony already make an adorable family.

Steve: Are we going to be OK?

May: Eventually, but maybe not today. Mission first, we will figure out each other afterward.

Steve: I’m going to help Tony go through the notes from Simmons and Deke. I may not understand scientific jargon, but I am a great summarizer.

May: You’re the one K goes to for homework help. You’re better at it than you think you are.

Steve: Yes, but I usually text Deke.

May: Now you can text Tony.
Xxx
“How did the conversation go with the not-so-dead Fitz?” Hunter asked the moment he stepped outside of the door of medical and closed it behind him. He would tell Simmons everything later when she’s not dealing with the worst of detox.

“It didn’t. Fitz, a.k.a James Leopold, felt that it would be better if Phil spoke instead.” He could tell May was not happy with that.

“How did that go?” Hunter asked, concerned.

“How is Simmons doing?” May asked, obviously trying to redirect the conversation.

“Wow, that badly. You’re never one for avoidance. Usually.” She won’t talk about Coulson’s last days. Don’t even think about asking her about the battle of Wakanda. He believes that Yo-Yo died in front of her, but no one has ever gotten confirmation regarding that fact.

“What did the doctor say?” May asked again. Obviously, today was an avoidance day. For the sake of his sanity, Hunter was just going to go with it.

“She’s doing OK. The next few days are the worst part. Jemma is a fighter. I know she will get through it.” Although he hates seeing her suffer.

“The boss came by this morning to check on her. Tony says it’s better that she’s doing this here and not in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan or on a ship in the middle of space with hardly any food and air running out.”

“He would know. Are you up for reading some of the reports from the other timeline?” May asked.

“We are at what Doctor Suarez refers to as the ‘hurry up and wait’ stage of the process. I want to be close by, but I can analyze reports as long as I can stay here. Although despite either being married to, dating, or working for people with masters or doctoral degrees in the various sciences for the last decade, I’ve picked up nothing.”

“I doubt that. I should warn you that your other self sent a proof of life video of James Leopold. You may want to watch that before you begin reading the reports.” May suggested

“I’m trying to decide if I wanted to be a porno or not.” That got a glare from May.

“I’m sure whatever myself sent is tasteful. But I’ll watch it first.” He doesn’t want to stress out Simmons, not during her first few days of trying to get sober.

“I would talk to Cruz first.” Involving the therapist probably isn’t a bad idea.

“I’ll consider it.”

“And the letter?” May asked.

“You and I are the only ones who are going to read it. At least for now. Friday is it on my Stark pad?” Hunter asked the AI.

“Yes, with extra encryption, and you’ll need to do a biometric scan to access it,” Friday answered. This means he doesn’t have to worry about Jemma getting into it before he’s ready to show it to her.

“Thank you, Friday.”

“I’m going to have to go to Norway for a couple of days. We need Thor, and I think it’s best if I retrieve him.” May explained.

“To be in the treatment bed next to Simmons?” He knows that the boss has been keeping tabs on Thor, and it wasn’t good.

“In a perfect world, yes.”

“But we live in a world with half of the population missing, so obviously nothing is perfect,” Hunter remarked darkly.

“Exactly. You’re in charge while I’m gone. Make sure Stark doesn’t burn the place down.”

“I’m just the nanny. I’ve been completely disavowed from any intelligence agency. Also, Natasha is still here unless she’s going with you.”

“She has her own Avengers to look after. Which is honestly what we are now. You are Stark’s nanny so keeping him from burning the compound down is in your normal job description.” May remarked.

“This is true, and I’m actually quite good at it. However, I don’t think it’s necessary. You should stay here. Besides, I don’t think you want to be on a Quinn jet with your future ex-husband right now.”

“How do you know that?” May asked.

“I’m in the room next to him now. As a man who survived his own divorce, I know that face all too well. Besides, Simmons needs you here. Let Steve go with Stark.”

“Simmons also needs him, too, since Stark is her AA sponsor. He also needs to go through the translations of Simmons’s notes. We need to be able to reproduce what she did to get Deke to the gamma timeline. It’s obvious we need to get over there. They need help protecting and securing the stones.”

“And since we know what we did wrong last time, we actually have a shot in hell of keeping it from happening again,” Hunter remarked.

“Hopefully.”

“You’re planning to bring Laura with you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then let her and Steve go without you. I have heard from the other boss that delegation is the key to successful management. I learned she is usually right.”

“I’ve learned that too.”

XXXX

May: I just spoke to Hunter. I think it’s better that I stay here. Besides, I need to go through a lot of the data sent from the other timeline. Stark can’t do everything. Although I’ll have to figure out who is flying you because I know you hate flying.

Steve: That’s true. I don’t hate flying; I can do it. I just prefer not to. Who else is going?

May: Laura, if she agrees. Actually, it might be better if it’s just you two. He knows you.

Steve: He knows you too.

May: From Coulson’s second memorial service. He disappeared to Norway after that.

Steve: I think maybe it was good for him. Gave him a chance to morn.

May: Into a bottle.

Steve: We should’ve done a funeral for his brother.

May: It was too much. We didn’t do anything for anyone else.

Steve: But Loki and Yo-Yo are not coming back. We should’ve made time to say goodbye.

May: I know. I was there with Yo-Yo, at least.

Steve: OK, Laura is with me. She agrees that it’s better that you stay here with Simmons. She will also take care of getting us a pilot.

May: She’s going to ask Clint, isn’t she?

Steve: Or Natasha.

May: I will leave the choice to her.
To be continued

Chapter Text

Uncle Antonio: When I agreed to take this job, I thought I could avoid long meetings with the PR department. Now I feel like I have twice as many. I’m getting lectured for telling Chuck Todd to fuck off without using language that would get me in trouble with the FCC. At 11 o’clock at night.

Uncle Antonio: But at least this gives me time to text you. How have you been, Butterfly? You haven’t shot any of your coworkers yet?

Butterfly K: Not yet, but it’s a near thing. I am also re-evaluating my career choices. I would love to tell most of them to go fuck themselves. I haven’t yet because I am not a billionaire and therefore need to be employed. I regret not taping the Sunday morning talk shows. No wonder you’re dealing with Jeffrey.

Uncle Antonio: I said not in a way that would get the FCC after me. I will have my assistant send you a clip.

Butterfly K: I just got the email from Ana.

Uncle Antonio: Also, Jeffrey is no Jane. Her scoldings were much more concise and useful. How do I get her to switch back to the public sector?

Butterfly K: I don’t think you can afford her. I thought we were doing a video chat, Uncle Tony? I wanted to show you the new apartment that I know you paid for and maybe introduce you to my new neighbor. He should be here in a few minutes. Without you, I would be sharing a garage apartment with three other colleagues. And I thought DC rent was expensive. It’s a whole nother level here.

Uncle Antonio: You would get the garage apartment all to yourself. You know I can’t let my niece live in squalor. I’m a benevolent billionaire, even if everything is in a trust right now. Besides this way, I know Ana is looking out for you.

Butterfly K: She gave me the green light to text you.
Because she knows your schedule so well.

Uncle Antonio: Hey, go ahead and switch to camera and show your apartment to me.

xxxxx
Chief mechanic: Ana has taken over your civilian phone and will be streaming images for us. That should make a nice distraction in case anybody’s actually monitoring our conversation. Can we actually talk?

Agent 13: I have a few minutes. We have to anyway. I just got several highly classified files from Ana, and I think someone will be dropping off more. Apparently, some were too sensitive to even go through the network. How much reading do I have?

Chief mechanic: A lot. I would read the executive summary first and then have Ana delete all traces of it on your iPad. Anything being dropped off, do not read it on an iPad for the love of humanity. I hate inferior technology.

Agent 13: Unfortunately, the FBI doesn’t use Stark tech because they’re still mad at you for no longer making guns.

Chief mechanic: If they love my guns so much, they should trust my tablets.

Agent 13: They are better. Besides, I don’t actually have a real iPad. It’s something that Fitzsimmons created for me that just looks like one. None of my coworkers have realized that I don’t actually need to charge it.

Chief mechanic: Which is good.

Chief mechanic: OK bottom line, time travel is real. And aliens really did show up to Mumbai, but they’re gone now. Wanda terrified them into running away.

Agent 13: I’m not even surprised about the aliens in Mumbai. I already knew about time travel. Even though I wasn’t invited to the Fitzsimmons wedding, I did see pictures.

Chief mechanic: Now we know that Leopold did not override the original timeline. He just made a new one. We are referring to ourselves as the gamma timeline to help things make sense. All of that is explained in your pre-brief, along with what happened the first time around with Scott. Actually, you should read that next after the executive summary. Several of your colleagues are dirty, and you should know exactly who you’re dealing with.

Agent 13: I figured that out on my own. McKenzie is working on it.

Chief mechanic: I’m sending you back up in addition to McKenzie’s team.

Agent 13: Who?

Chief mechanic: Hunter and the princess.

Agent 13: Why?

Chief mechanic: The current situation you’re dealing with is essentially a Shield fuck up. So despite the fact you need scientific help, I can’t send anybody with ties to shield or SI. Apparently, my father may have screwed over a few people involved in this as well.

Agent 13: You’re sending Hunter. He is married to the CCO of SI.

Chief mechanic: Technically, they’re not married. It’s just a remarkable forgery on file.

Agent 13: Because it’s hard to legally marry someone that doesn’t actually exist.

Chief mechanic: The genius princess will be there under the pretense of visiting the Wakanda youth center in Oakland. The Jarvis foundation is a cosponsor. A few others will be coming. Not Fitzsimmons Junior or Hunter’s husband because we’re going to need them but others. Probably members of the Wakandan science team. I wouldn’t have asked the princess to come if it wasn’t so important.

Agent 13: And McKenzie is OK with this?

Chief mechanic: Yep. Yo-Yo will be coming to assist as well. She’s already in the neighborhood. She might be the one dropping things off to you.

Agent 13: Why do we need so many people to deal with this? How is this important?

Chief mechanic: Read the report and text me if you have questions. I’m probably not gonna sleep tonight. I have to put teams together to defend the world from a purple genocidal maniac.

Agent 13: That’s what this mission is really about?

Chief mechanic: We need Pym particles. And I have to send people who might get them for us by one means or another. That’s all I’ll say. Read the report.

Agent 13: Fine, but it won’t be for a couple of hours. I told you earlier my neighbor’s coming over. We’re having pizza together tonight. It would be suspicious if I canceled.

Chief mechanic: Nice to see that you’ve moved on from my future husband. Although do I get to bed the guy?

Chief mechanic: I mean, do I get to verify that the guy is not evil. The voice rec is having trouble with the other term. When we’re not in the middle of multiple apocalypses, I’ll ask Leopold to have his team work on it.

Agent 13: You already bedded the last one. Besides, Grant Roth is almost 100 and gay.

Agent 13: Which is your type, but he actually looks 100.

Chief mechanic: Whatever works for you, Butterfly. 100 and bi is wonderful.

Agent 13: He is the Captain America comic book writer. The good one. He did the ones that didn’t make Aunt Peggy cry or throw things.

Agent 13: OK, according to aunt J, she wasn’t exactly happy that sensitive mission-critical details regarding Isaiah Bradley managed to get into one of his miniseries. Apparently, she broke a stove.

Chief mechanic: Honestly, she broke a couple. Aunt Peggy’s strong suit wasn’t cooking. That was Uncle Daniel. Although it was best for everybody that the truth is out there. Not that I was aware it was not a fictional story until I took this job. It’s just another reason why I’m still worried about the possibility of inhuman internment camps. Also, why the Mumbai agreement has a provision against re-creating the super-soldier serum. Our government has done some fucked up things to people with powers in the name of national security.

Agent 13: They’ve done some pretty fucked up things in the name of national security.

Agent 13: I barely remember Uncle Daniel. He died when I was little.

Chief mechanic: Because Hydra is evil, and your uncle was so smart he figured it out back in 55. Daniel was the best person, and I adored him. I’m still not entirely sure it was him or aunt Peggy that made your biological father disappear after what he did.

Agent 13: They were probably working together.

Chief mechanic: That’s highly probable. Daniel always had a strong protective streak. He was another one of the people who protected me from Howard. I didn’t take his death that well either. I showed up completely wasted to the funeral despite being really underage. I did that a lot.

Chief mechanic: I am the first to acknowledge I should’ve gone into rehab a lot sooner. OK, I did, but I should’ve made a real commitment to it before the Avengers uncivil toddler squabble. That’s why all the earlier attempts failed miserably.

Agent 13: Aunt J is happy you’re sober. She also expects an invite to the wedding. I, however, will be washing my hair that weekend. I will send you a blender, though.

Chief mechanic: We can never have enough blenders. Mostly because I keep trying to take them apart to make battle robots when I’m bored. You’re still mad at my future husband.

Agent 13: At him, not you. You can do better.

Chief mechanic: I don’t think I can. Not that many people will put up with my bull shit.

Agent 13: Just don’t put up with all of his. I’ll read the reports and text you if I have questions. But in the morning so you can sleep.

Chief mechanic: Bless you. Can you get your poor uncle a selfie and an autographed copy of Captain America: the truth about Isaiah Bradley?

Agent 13: I’ll see what I can do. Grant just got here, and he brought pie. I’ll talk to you later.

Chief mechanic: Be safe.

Agent 13: I will.

Chief mechanic: Your Aunt J will hunt me down if anything happens to you.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Tosha 2023: I’m going to do a grocery run and pick up dinner. Scott wants tacos again. What do you want?

Laura: I am going into the city with Steve in a little bit. He has his group tonight, and I’m coming as a special guest. Although please pick up more good chocolate as well as more ingredients for Hunter’s cookies

Tosha 2023: That’s probably good. Will do.

Laura: Did May tell you that we’re leaving for Norway in the morning? We need to know things about Asgard to help Daisy that we will only get from Thor.

Tosha 2023: Then it’s a good thing you’re going there.

Laura: We still need a pilot, by the way.

Tosha 2023: Ask your husband. I am mad at you.

Laura: Why are you mad at me?

Tosha 2023: You let me find out that I have a girlfriend in the gamma timeline by reading her apology for making out with Loki. It was to fool the mark so they could get the codes to his ships to get the hell out of wherever they are right now.

Laura: Wait, what? None of that was in the official report that I read.

Tosha 2023: It was a separate note. She addressed it to Natasha, which means only a Natasha can read it.

Laura: Those AIs really do love loophole abuse.

Laura: I’m sorry. I didn’t think to mention it once I found out you and Daisy were never together here. There was so much other stuff that needed to be addressed first.

Tosha 2023: I only met Daisy once on the battlefield of Wakanda because we were fighting together as a team. We were surprisingly good at it. I also saw her disappear.

Laura: I’m sorry. I should’ve said something, especially once I read Daisy’s reports myself.

Tosha 2023: How did they get together? I’ve never dated a woman before. I had a few hookups, mostly mission-related but never a relationship.

Laura: You haven’t had that many relationships, period. Unless there has been someone over the last seven years.

Tosha 2023: A couple of dates, but the last one started crying in his soup. I don’t really have the time or energy for it.

Laura: And yet your other self –sorry, variant did find somebody when she was technically on the run.

Tosha 2023: I feel like her life on the run was very different than mine. She had access to Stark resources and was renegotiating the accords on behalf of the Wakandan government. They had a base in Malta with the approval of the local government. We had nothing like that.

Laura: The secret Avengers team was trying to defuse all of Dreykov’s surprises and associates.

Tosha 2023: You got a different President out of it, so obviously, they were successful.

Laura: Extremely successful. I’ll ask Clint to fly us to Norway.

Tosha 2023: Good, you guys need to talk more. He’s been better these last few days.

Laura: This is better?

Tosha 2023: He actually sat through the entire meeting and did not go hide in the vents. I didn’t even have to bribe him with Hunter’s cookies.

Laura: That is definitely an improvement from the last group meeting. This was also more productive. I got a video from my kids. Nikki is adorable and [redacted] is being a brat. He’s really mad at me for not being there right now and being forced to go to Malta with the other little kids. Lily bear is just done with him.

Tosha 2023: Your phone is set to Redact your children’s names if you actually use them?

Laura: Yes

Tosha 2023: What happened in the other timeline?

Laura: Ross kidnapped me and held me hostage for several days because he couldn’t get to you guys. I know now that Leo made it significantly harder for Ross to track the Avengers. Ross got desperate long before Clint and Lane made a deal in your timeline. When I didn’t crack, he tried to go after the kids, but Tony made sure he couldn’t get to them. Coulson and his team had to rescue me. We became very protective of the children after that.

Tosha 2023: That is very understandable. Things went differently here.

Laura: I know. Some things are better, some things are worse. That’s life.

Tasha 2023: I’m just not quite sure what those things are just yet.

Laura: If you are going to be staying here, there is something that you could do. However, I don’t know if you would want to. Especially if you’re still mad about the Daisy thing.

Tosha 2023: I am, but I forgive you because you’re balancing a lot. You also don’t know what we don’t know.

Laura: I am. Thor isn’t the only one there that we still have access to. We need to get Daisy anything we can so there’s a better outcome. Not just for her but for the Asgardians. From what Friday told me, there were not a lot of survivors.

Tosha 2023: There’s Valkyrie. She pretty much runs New Asgard. She was the one who got the survivors to safety. You should talk to her as well.

Laura: I will add her to the list. However, Bruce is right here, and I know he was there for some of what happened. I am not sure if you want to talk to him. I don’t know what the state of your relationship is like right now. He is still MIA in my time, and the two of you never had a chance to resolve what happened.

Tosha 2023: We are mostly ignoring each other’s existence. Getting him to work on this project was the first time I’ve spoken to him in at least three years. However, I am a professional. I feel like I owe it to myself to help get Daisy back safe and sound.

Laura: Thank you.

Laura: I have a question before you go, two actually. I tried to ask earlier, but you distracted me with questions of Ross. One, do you want to see the video of the kids?

Tosha 2023: Yes, I do. I miss them.

Laura: We’re going to get them back. But I can tell you that the kids have missed their Aunt Natasha as well. And I bet they are crawling all over her now that she’s back in the US. Baby Nikki anyway. The others are too cool for that.

Tosha 2023: I’m sure they are.

Laura: Question two, should I let Clint see it?

Tosha 2023: I think you should let him make that choice. But I think he would like to see the video.

Laura: OK. I’m going to text him now. Wish me luck

Tosha 2023: You don’t need it. I might, though.

Xxxxx
Romanoff: I’m doing a grocery run this afternoon as well as picking up dinner. Let me know your preferences.

Bruce: I already started a list with Friday, but I will have her send it to you. I apologize now for how much is on the list. Actually, you might consider going to Costco.

Romanoff: Maybe I’ll have Friday arrange for delivery for that part. I’ll just get pizza instead. Scott can have tacos another night.

Bruce: Good idea.

Romanoff: Steve and Laura are going to Norway tomorrow to talk to Thor and Valkyrie about what actually happened on Asgard and afterward. Laura wants me to speak with you about it. Is there anything missing from your initial report that you would like to add?

Bruce: Is that going to help? Things are different. There wasn’t an Agent Johnson there with Loki. I don’t think we should make Thor talk about that if we don’t have to. He’s not doing very well. Unfortunately, they don’t make antidepressants for Asgardians.

Romanoff: In our timeline. Although the gamma timeline does make them for super soldiers. I think Tony might be tinkering with the formula.

Bruce: Interesting.

Romanoff: Agent Johnson is May’s adopted daughter in both timelines. She didn’t survive the decimation. I would really like for her to survive Asgard and Thanos this time. Maybe we can come up with a way for him not to target that Asgardian ship.

Bruce: She’s also your girlfriend.

Bruce: Or rather, Daisy was your girlfriend. Because she didn’t survive the decimation, which you just mentioned. I’m sorry for your loss.

Romanoff: She wasn’t my girlfriend. Her variant is the girlfriend of my variant in the gamma timeline. I didn’t meet her until Wakanda. In this timeline, I went directly to Steve and the others. My gamma variant did not. I don’t know why she made a different choice. But apparently, it resulted in a different president. Obviously, she made the right one.

Bruce: Hopefully, one that actually respects the sciences.

Bruce: I think the ship was targeted because Loki had the Tesseract with him.

Romanoff: Then the question is, did Thanos know the stone was there? Or was he targeting Loki because he knew he would know the location? Unfortunately, he just happened to be on that ship.

Romanoff: Or could Thanos have been targeting Asgardians in general. If that’s the case, it’s not going to make a difference if Loki and the Tesseract are not on the ship.

Bruce: I’m not sure it wouldn’t matter if Loki wasn’t there. Asgard was the last known location. At the same time, Thanos didn’t go after the ship with those we sent away with Valkyrie.

Bruce: I don’t know exactly what happened during those last few minutes. I was sent away to warn everybody. Not that it did a lot of good. Although at least their Avengers are still together. Maybe that will make a difference.

Romanoff: Do you think the best course of action is for Daisy to get the Tesseract and run?

Bruce: The best course is for us to bring the Tesseract here and hope Thanos really was just going after Loki. Although, for Thor’s sake, I don’t think we should use him as bait.

Romanoff: We shouldn’t. So protecting Loki is also on the list of things that needs to be done. This is becoming a really long list.

Bruce: If you know when Steve and Laura are arriving, let me know. I’ll call Valkyrie.

Romanoff: You’re still in contact?

Bruce: Yes. She was one of my few friends when I was on Sakaar.

Romanoff: I’m glad you made friends there.

Bruce: I’m grateful to have friends. Also, I will try to find out if it’s a good day for Thor. He doesn’t have many of those.

Romanoff: I don’t think there is a way to make tomorrow a good day for him. Not unless Stark perfects that formula. Although maybe having the chance to keep one version of his brother alive will help Thor make peace.

Bruce: Even if it doesn’t bring back this one?

Romanoff: You’re going to want to help your siblings no matter what.

Bruce:?

Romanoff: Well, you found a friend. I found a sister. More accurately rediscovered I had one.

Bruce: That’s good. I hope to meet her someday.

Romanoff: You will if we can get all the stones.
Xxxxx

Agent Barton: So, because I forgot to tell Natasha that she had a girlfriend in the gamma timeline, she refuses to fly Steve and me to Norway. She found out reading some of the files.

Clint: I can see her being mad about that. I bet you’re really regretting never taking the flying lessons I offered.

Agent Barton: I will never have you teach me anything else after you tried to teach me how to shoot and failed miserably. I do regret not letting May teach me how to fly.

Clint: I’ll fly you to Norway.

Agent Barton: Thank you.

Clint: You really should’ve told her about the girlfriend.

Agent Barton: Especially because even though they weren’t together, she watched Daisy die in this timeline.

Clint: Shit!

Agent Barton: This has happened a few times. In my timeline, Tony and Yo-Yo are best friends. Here they never met before Thanos killed her.

Clint: Friday told me that you got a letter from your kids.

Agent Barton: And a video. I sent it to Natasha but do you want to see it too?

Clint: Maybe tomorrow before we leave. When do we leave?

Agent Barton: It depends on if you want to pick us up in Brooklyn tomorrow. We’re actually leaving in 15 minutes for Steve’s survivors’ support group.

Clint: He’s in a support group?

Agent Barton: He leads a support group.

Clint: I want to see this.

Agent Barton: You can come. We can stop off and get milkshakes on the way.

Clint: Forget driving. We should just fly in and leave from Brooklyn in the morning. Does Steve have somewhere we can park the Quinn jet?

Agent Barton: I have no idea. Apparently, Tony owns half of the five boroughs now, so he probably has somewhere we could park the Quinn jet.

Clint: I’m not even surprised.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Chief mechanic: How the hell can Jeffrey still be talking about this? Has he realized I’m not actually paying attention to him yet? It is too late for this conversation, especially in the middle of an apocalypse. Yes, we’re currently in the early stages of an apocalypse, but still, I would like to get some sleep and maybe a handjob. Probably in that order.

Ana Junior: Agent America has, but she’s already texting Coulson. She also wants Jeffrey to stop talking.

Ana Junior: They took this time to plan the retrieval of the green Stone.
She’s decided that she’s going with the team to retrieve it. Steve and Leo are going with her as soon as Zephyr 3 is ready. Coulson will not try to talk her out of flying a barely tested spacecraft.

Chief mechanic: Well, that’s one less thing for me to plan. Agent knows not to get in the way of his girlfriend’s bucket list. ETA?

Ana Junior: Tuesday afternoon. It would have been tomorrow, but the Princess will be leaving for San Francisco in the morning. However, she expects to make significant progress overnight. Doctors Leopold and Fitzsimmons should be able to finish up with the rest of her team. They will arrive in the morning before her departure to brief them. Also, at least one member will be coming with her to San Francisco. They’re bringing her mobile lab.

Chief mechanic: She’s not going to sleep again tonight, is she?

Ana Junior: That seems highly probable. Especially because she made it so her brother can’t lock her out.

Chief mechanic: I wish I could be playing with her. Instead, I am sitting through this horrible meeting. Seriously, Jeffrey, this is not the time. Why the hell is he still talking about Chuck Todd? He’s lucky I didn’t punch the guy. How much longer do I have to stay here? I regret that he doesn’t know how dangerous the situation really is. Unfortunately, baby bird said we need to keep his knowledge to a minimum, and I trust her on this.

Ana Junior: I plan to make an excuse to call you away in 8.3 minutes. Unless something genuine happens first.

Chief mechanic: Considering what’s going on right now, that is entirely plausible. I stopped paying attention like 40 minutes ago.

Ana Junior: Which is why you began texting Sharon. Everyone in the room is aware. You’re less discreet than Agent May.

Chief mechanic: Her smile is anything but discreet. I would ask for a transcript of her text messages, but I feel like she’s sexing up the agent in addition to the strategizing.

Ana Junior: She says that you can see them.

Chief mechanic: Honey Bear says it’s okay for me to text during meetings when it’s technically work-related. I’ve also been texting flame thrower. He will be arriving in the morning. When will my son and daughter-in-law get here?

Ana Junior: They are also scheduled to arrive in the morning. Although Wanda is disappointed that she will not spend the night in Denmark like originally planned.

Chief mechanic: What TV show do I need to get her a box set of to make up for it?

Ana Junior: She is still missing seasons four and five of the Muppet show.

Chief mechanic: Because Disney has yet to release them. Make a phone call. Although in the meantime, find something that’s actually available and send it to her on my behalf.

Chief mechanic: Not Dick Van Dyke. Let’s not make that mistake again. Fuck Obadiah forever.

Ana Junior: Of course, sir.

Ana Junior: Your daughter would like to know if she can go to San Francisco with her cousin and Hunter. Also, a message has been sent to the Guardians, but no response has been received. Apparently, we don’t have real-time capabilities yet, but Fitzsimmons Junior is working on it.

Chief mechanic: No, she cannot go to San Francisco. If she wants to go somewhere, she can go to Malta with the other kids. Otherwise, she’s heading back to New York tomorrow evening after everyone else leaves for their missions.

Chief Mechanic: We’re relocating to the house lab anyway since it will be easier for us to keep up appearances with SI and the ATCU, respectively. I really wish we didn’t have to keep up appearances, but we have no choice. But at least working out of the Queens townhouse will give us more time to work on the time travel GPS. We need it ready to roll by the time they get the particles.

Ana Junior: Afia says no to going to Malta. Also, Flash is not going to Malibu to be with Pepper. Afia said something about him not being in the same state as his ex-boyfriend.

Chief mechanic: That seems fair. Especially when it’s obvious Flash is making progress with Benji. I saw them practically snuggling during the briefing. MJ gave him a thumbs up. I need to make time to talk to him about all of that. I’m worried about the kid.

Ana Junior: Afia says progress has been made but only in the sense that BITC knows Flash is gay. Flash told me I could tell you that. He also really wants somebody to fix the voice recognition software on the Stark watch.

Chief mechanic: That is still progress, even if it’s caused by voice rec mishap. Please tell them to go to sleep. It’s almost midnight our time.

Ana Junior: Flash says he will try to get Afia, MJ, and Benji to sleep, but he makes no promises.

Chief mechanic: Tell him good luck. That reminds me, Ana, can you please do a complete background check on Sharon’s neighbor. I would like to ensure that her next-door neighbor isn’t a geriatric Ross plant.

Ana Junior: Already completed, sir. He is the late husband of Steve’s former boyfriend, Arnie Roth. I sent this file complete with images to your Stark pad.

Chief mechanic: I would say that’s an interesting coincidence, but I don’t believe in coincidences. He kind of looks familiar, but I can’t place the face.

Ana Junior: Maybe you met him at a comic book convention, sir? You did go to a lot of them when you were younger.

Chief mechanic: No. This feels like something else.

Ana Junior: Agent Rodriguez is trying to message you.

Chief mechanic: You know Yo-Yo is on the list. I always want to talk to her. Actually, can we use this as an excuse to drop the call with Jeffrey?

Ana Junior: I have just cut your feed and notified him that you have an urgent call from the West Coast facility that you need to take.

Chief mechanic: Bless you, Ana. Put Yo-Yo up on the screen.

Ana Junior: However, Agent Rodriguez is in a place where text messaging is preferable to video.
XXXX
Ana provided translations of text messages from the original Spanish

Slingshot: You could’ve told me yourself that you were sending Hunter. Seriously Hunter???

Chief mechanic: And the princess. Look, the current situation in San Francisco is 100% because of a past Shield fuck up. Although we need to be the ones to clean it up, it can’t look like we are the ones cleaning it up. All parties involved do not trust us at all except maybe Scott.

Slingshot: Bobbi is not happy. If you’re sending the princess, she doesn’t get why Hunter needs to be there. Mack is okay with the situation because he actually misses Hunter a lot.

Chief mechanic: Bobbi should just be happy that the Russian government members responsible for her getting burned are no longer alive. Therefore she can spend time with Mack. She’s supposed to be starting a new job in the research and development department at SI, far away on the other side of California.

Slingshot: Pepper said that she can begin her new job after your wedding. She’s with me. Besides, she wanted to see Sharon’s new apartment anyway. You bought the building, didn’t you?

Chief mechanic: Maybe. By the way, the wedding is not happening until at least June now because of apocalypses. Look, Hunter is there for a reason. It could be worse. I could be sending her ex-husband with his new husband.

Slingshot: One of those apocalypses resulted in Mack dying in the other timeline.

Chief mechanic: I see you read the reports. Which means you realize how important all of this is.

Slingshot: Even though our relationship is complicated, I don’t want him to be gone.

Chief mechanic: I’m not even going to ask if you guys are on or off at the moment. I’m just going to keep your relationship status as “it’s complicated.” Did you also read what else happened?

Slingshot: Yes. I would want to go down fighting. Mack wants to pull me off of this mission because of it. Thankfully your orders supersede his.

Chief mechanic: We discussed the situation earlier. I pointed out that you are necessary for this mission. You might actually be able to go up against Ghost because of your powers. And if this goes really badly well, you can get the Pym particles through plan B.

Slingshot: Mack argued they might see me as another powered person being used by Shield.

Chief mechanic: They’re not wrong to assume that. I know some of Talbot’s bosses see you that way. Of course, that’s because they are idiots.

Slingshot: I allow no one to use me.

Chief mechanic: With you being there, they can see that for themselves. Besides, you might be more useful in breaking Scott out.

Slingshot: I already have. West Coast Ana is mimicking his tracking bracelet. We’ve also retrieved his old suit.

Chief mechanic: Does my niece know about this?

Slingshot: Yes, I just passed her a note along with the other files regarding the Beta timeline. I posed as the pizza delivery person.

Chief mechanic: I adore you.

Slingshot: I met her neighbor. He looks like an older version of your husband. Steve doesn’t have any long-lost half-brothers to go along with the sister in Nevada?

Chief mechanic: Not that I am aware of, but the drunken prick was prolific. I can totally see sweetie bear’s ex-boyfriend falling for his half-brother. Could you run back in there and get me a DNA sample without anybody realizing it?

Slingshot: Already done. West Coast Ana is running the results now.

Chief mechanic: Perfect. You just got me out of an excruciatingly long meeting with Jeffrey and PR. Now I’m going to go cuddle with my boyfriend and maybe sleep for a couple of hours. Let me know if anything comes up.

Slingshot: I will. We’ll get the particles no matter what.

Chief mechanic: I trust you. Although let’s avoid using Plan B unless there’s no other option.

Slingshot: Can I tell Scott about what happened in the beta timeline? He’s already curious about us helping him get the suit back.

Chief mechanic: If you have to. The same goes for Pym Senior. Especially if it will help us get the particles.

Slingshot: I will take care of it.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Message to UN Avenger member Agent Daisy Johnson from Wakanda/Malta Avenger Natasha Romanoff

So good news, your messages have made it to earth. Unfortunately, we’re kind of in the middle of multiple Apocalypses. Avenger Ana has put together an executive summary of what’s going on. It’s a mess. However, there are some things I want you to find out for me. Even though I know Ana will put together the most well-written and comprehensive summary possible.

You should probably know that you haven’t gotten any messages back from us until now because you landed two weeks in the past. That’s why Ana’s calendar translation didn’t make sense to you. Fitzsimmons Junior believes you didn’t cause a branch because time is a stream. Considering this is his third timeline, I am inclined to trust him on this.

Did you meet Fitzsimmons’s kid from the future before getting bounced? Check out page 3 of the executive summary for more details on that. It’s a long executive summary. Sorry, it’s been a weird two days.

Anyway, his theory is time is more like a river, and it’s okay to throw a twig in occasionally. Just don’t create a dam. You just didn’t do enough to cause the river of time to shift. The princess believes that you were in a stable time loop. I got to listen to these theories over dinner with the kids. They miss you too. Especially with their mom MIA. (Read page 1 of the executive summary for details on that.)

Despite the time travel, I’m glad you’re safe. Or as safe as you can be with Loki as your travel companion. I regret you’re not there with Thor because I don’t trust Loki. I can’t trust him, not after what he did to Purple Arrow. If you’re willing to forgive him for killing your dad, you’re probably a better person than I will ever be. You already knew that coming into this relationship. Just be careful. Also, please look at page 4 of the executive summary.

As I mentioned before, we’re dealing with multiple apocalypses. Complete with numerous alien invasions, time travel refugees, and data from other timelines. Including what happened in Leo’s original timeline on the planet you’re currently on. Again see page 4 of the executive summary, which includes another reason I don’t trust your travel companion. Loki wanted to leave Asgard to fry the first time around while he and big brother took over for the Grandmaster.

Unlike you, Leo did create a timeline branch. But thanks to our time-traveling guests and AIs, we now know for certain that if you want to make it to Asgard, you’re going to need to go through the portal referred to as the anus. From what you told me of the Grandmaster, that name doesn’t surprise me at all. He seems to be that creepy.

We got a lot of information from the other timeline, as you’ll see in the executive summary. I only attached the relevant information so you can get yourself home. Or at least to Asgard. Because we’re Dealing with multiple Apocalypses, we can’t come to get you no matter how much I really want to. Basically, you need to pick up your own ring.

Actually, we need to follow up on your jewelry store suggestion. We now know two locations where we can find the rings we need. Robbie and I will check out one of them with the newlyweds. Wanda has finally agreed to let Stark pay for a wedding set. Something to match her husband’s birthstone. We think we can find something from the same designer. If not, some of Fitzsimmons Jr.’s friends will check another location for us. The one you recommended.

I’m not mad that you had to kiss another person, even if it is Loki. Although I’m sure that them being in a different body makes it a little easier. I have done much worse on a mission. You do what you have to do to complete the mission and stay alive. That’s all I ask of you. I need you to come back to me. I’m going to do the same.

Although if you can quake Loki a little bit, I would appreciate it. I am still mad at him for mindfucking Purple Arrow. If he was mind-controlled too, I am somewhat inclined to forgive him eventually, just not today. I understand that too well. You know where I came from.

Just be careful and come back to me. You already did the hard part and got the codes. Now you just have to get off the planet.

PS: If things are the same as they were in the other timeline, you’re going to have to pick up some extra guests soon. You will need them.

PSS: Your real dad misses you. Unfortunately, due to the events covered on page 2 of your executive summary, he’s Acting Deputy Director and really busy. Basically, the general is dead, and your number one fan girl is free.
XXXX
Goddess of stories: It looks like your friends managed to get a message to you after all. Although please ignore most of page 4 of the executive summary. I have no desire for the Grandmaster to have an accident and take over this place. Well, I have no desire to take over anyway. I wouldn’t say no to an accident or three.

Quake: How are you texting me? You don’t have a phone. Unless you just got one from your sugar daddy. You already read the executive summary? How? I barely had time to read the message from Nat.

Goddess of stories: Magic. Also, please don’t call him that.

Quake: We are currently at court drinking champagne and eating the local equivalent of caviar. I feel like sugar daddy is the best thing I can call him. As long as he likes you, we won’t end up in the chair. He’s going to kill someone again today, isn’t he?

Goddess of stories: But hopefully not us. The local equivalent of caviar would be the slugs. You don’t want to eat the slugs.

Quake: I’ll take your word on that.

Goddess of stories: Per one of the more chatty members of the court, the execution just happened. It was his cousin.

Quake: We live another day.

Goddess of stories: What did your girlfriend say?

Quake: Shouldn’t you already know since you read the executive summary? I haven’t even read that yet.

Goddess of stories: Ana wouldn’t let me read the letter from your girlfriend. I’m sure that would contain the plan for your rescue.

Quake: They’re not coming to get us. They are following up on the tip I sent along with another potential location. Although they did send some info.

Goddess of stories: Which is good if the visions of your seer do come to pass. Maybe your seer knows which portal to take to get out of this place. I don’t want to be in the service of the purple one again.

Quake: They do come to pass, in one timeline at least. You should know that, considering you read the executive summary. I need to read that now, especially page 4.

Goddess of stories: Page 4 is completely unimportant. Besides, I only read that page because Ana wanted to know my intentions. You’re little AI is very protective of you.

Quake: Do not call Ana little.

Goddess of stories: The Grandmaster just arrived from his latest execution. He seems in high spirits. Which might mean we will get the good spirits. At least something better than the champagne.

Quake: And apparently has someone trapped in the chair. You know that usually means we will get a second execution today. Go flirt with your sugar daddy, so I can figure out how to free the prisoner.

Goddess of stories: He is not my sugar daddy. Try not to free any prisoners until we know which portal to take.

Quake: I have the info from Nat now. He is definitely your sugar daddy. We are wearing something quite expensive and made of silk despite it being ridiculously low cut.

Goddess of stories: It is a nanotech synthetic.

Quake: Oh, fuck. Is that your brother? Why is he tied to a chair?

Goddess of stories: The Grandmaster is really into bondage. So is Thor, actually.

Quake: It was definitely easier to knock him out with him tied to the headboard.

Quake: The Grandmaster, not your brother. I’m not going to ask how you know the God of Thunder likes bondage. We have to get Thor out of here.

Goddess of stories: This isn’t the time yet. You need to at least read through everything your friend sent you. If you use your earthquake powers now, we are just going to end up fighting in this contest of champions ourselves. You are a spy; act like one.

Quake: I hate when you have a point. Your brother is calling my name.

Goddess of stories: Why does he recognize you and not me? Good thing I introduced you as daughter of Philip.

Quake: Because you’re Lady Loki of Asgard right now. He got it when I told him that I was dating his less evil sister. Also, we got confirmation of this weird time loop thingy here.

Goddess of stories: I didn’t want the Grandmaster to know that. I can’t believe I’m the less evil sibling. The Allfather always had his secrets.

Quake: Sorry. I think it just made things worse by saying he’s a champion on our planet.

Goddess of stories: At least none of us got melted. Did you have time to explain what’s going on?

Quake: Not much. I couldn’t exactly tell your brother that we have a plan to get out of here that doesn’t involve him fighting. None of us feel like getting melted today. Maybe Ana can help us get to where he is. We have the master codes now. Perhaps we can sneak in there and talk to him while Ana disrupts the security feed?

Avenger Ana Remote: I can find that information and will help.

Goddess of stories: We can’t use the master codes just yet. We need to save that for the ships. I’ll just convince the Grandmaster to free him before facing the champion. We will be fine. You know I can.

Quake: Normally, I wouldn’t want you to have sex with the guy again. However, per the court, nobody has actually survived the champion. Doug, the last guy who tried, is now really, really dead. I don’t think you want more dead family members.

Avenger Ana remote: Per the history of the other timeline, Thor survives his encounter with the champion.

Quake: Okay, good to know. See, you don’t have to have sex with the Grandmaster again.

Goddess of stories: He’s not the worst person I had sex with. I’ve done much worse for less altruistic reasons.

Quake: I prefer it if you didn’t. We won’t use the codes, but I really would feel better if we could check on your brother. Since obviously, we’re going to have to wait and formulate a plan. It might be easier to do so if he doesn’t do something stupid in the meantime.

Goddess of stories: How am I going to do that?

Avenger Ana remote: You used your magic to cast a projection of yourself in the other timeline. It seems reasonable that you can do the same.

Goddess of stories: I can do that. Besides, I’d rather not go to a dirty dungeon in person. This is a new dress, after all.

Quake: See, Ana has a plan. I’m going back to our room to read.
Xxx
Quake: Bruce is here, and he’s the champion?

Avenger Ana remote: Yes.

Quake: That’s just lovely. I really did not plan to run into my girlfriend’s almost ex-boyfriend. Thor will have to fight him so we can rescue him too? Without using the master code.

Avenger Ana remote: Most likely yes.

Quake: Lovely.

Quake: What else do I need to know?

Avenger Ana remote: To defeat Hella, Asgard had to be destroyed.

Quake: And there’s not another way for us to be able to do that? I really don’t want to destroy a whole planet. Could my being there provide a different option?

Avenger Ana remote: It does not appear so. Her power source is directly connected to Asgard.

Quake: So we basically have to destroy the power source to destroy her?

Avenger Ana remote: Yes.

Quake: Wonderful. Apparently, in what you’re referring to as the beta timeline, they sent Loki to do that. He couldn’t leave without taking the Tesseract. Which honestly doesn’t surprise me. Robin drew something similar. So is he supposed to still take it, or do I let it be destroyed?

Avenger Ana remote: It can’t be destroyed that way. Actually, you need to retrieve it and then take it to the planet where your sister spent her summer vacation three years ago.

Quake: That’s not going to be hard at all. Do I have to do this on my own? I really wish Simmons was here right now.

Avenger Ana remote: You’ll have those with you but no outside assistance. However, the team on earth is trying to get you more details on what happened from the other timeline. Also, Dr. Fitzsimmons is on light duty due to her pregnancy.

Quake: I’m going to be an aunt?

Avenger Ana remote: Yes, and I have been authorized to tell you this.

Quake: Okay, I definitely have to get back home. What is the team trying to get more details on?

Avenger Ana remote: The team is trying to determine if Thanos followed the Asgardian ship because the Tesseract was there, or Loki was there, or if he was just following the Asgardian survivors.

Quake: Which is going to impact our strategy. What happened to the ship?

Avenger Ana remote: Half of the refugees on board were able to escape. Loki was killed by Thanos as he protected his brother. Thor survived because of Loki’s actions.

Quake: Ana, restrict access to that file and delete mention of it from the executive summary. No one else but me reads that. Not Loki and definitely not Thor. That’s not going to happen this time.

Avenger Ana remote: Of course, Agent Johnson.
Xxx

Goddess of stories: My brother is an idiot. He doesn’t want me to sleep with the Grandmaster to free him either. He would rather face the champion, so he can get back to Asgard.

Quake: We’re planning to go back to Asgard.

Goddess of stories: Yes, to get the stone. Which we will do without getting the attention of psycho sister. I’m only doing that to ensure I don’t end up subjugated to the man who tortured me again. But my big brother just had to run in headfirst, always being a hero. He doesn’t have a self-preserving bone in his body.

Quake: You’re more like that than you think you are.

Goddess of stories: No, I’m not. I’d rather not die.

Quake: I would also prefer that. Ana will give you a rundown of what happened in the other timeline.

Goddess of stories: Beyond page four of the executive summary?

Quake: Yes. You need to know what we’re getting into.
To be continued

Chapter Text

March 25, 2018, 6:43 AM Gamma timeline

BITC: Let me just say I’m so jealous that you don’t have to wake up at 6 AM to go to class today. I hate Mondays. It’s worse today because I’m going to be all alone with just O’Reilly.

Purple Princess: I’m sorry that apocalypse hit on a mommy weekend. You could not deal with our hours. I’m only not waking up at 6 AM because I didn’t really sleep last night.

BITC: You were dead on your feet yesterday when we talked. You were practically incoherent. How can you be so much better now if you didn’t sleep last night?

Purple Princess: I had a three-hour power nap after the meeting when the dads got back to base. Then we began working on the special project.

BITC: Which is too classified for you to even discuss in these text messages? I don’t get that because your cousin makes the best encryption. Even Ana’s briefing packet was 70% redacted.

Purple Princess: It’s Zephyr 3 related, but that’s all I can say for now. Thankfully we made excellent progress. It helps that we were almost there and only missing the special piece, so the project will be ready to roll tomorrow.

BITC: OK, I think I know what you’re talking about, and I was supposed to be there for the launch. :-(. When will I get to know all the details?

Purple Princess: It’s either going to be really late tonight or extremely early in the morning tomorrow. I promise to bring coffee. We definitely are going back to class tomorrow no matter what.

BITC: Why?

Purple Princess: We have to keep up appearances. I don’t know when we’re going to actually get to leave the compound. Dad has more meetings, and he has to look over the projects before heading back.

BITC: Your dad has to keep up appearances, so the world doesn’t realize that we’re on the brink of an apocalypse?

Purple Princess: We are always on the brink of an apocalypse. Most people don’t realize that we had an alien invasion Friday.

BITC: There is still some chatter on the dark web and a few rumors. However, even the conspiracy groups are more focused on the suspicious death of the Deputy Director of the ATCU. Also, the fact that an acting Deputy Director wasn’t announced publicly.

Purple Princess: Because the acting is technically still legally dead. It was a good distraction. They’re going in the right direction since aliens actually killed the general. They’re not wrong. Her death was suspicious. Jeffrey really should’ve gone with something less obvious than a car accident.

BITC: Is Ruby OK? Losing your mom has to be tough, even if she was actually a terrorist. Seriously Hydra? Ana was at least able to give me that much.

Purple Princess: They call it Hydra for a reason besides the squid monster mascot. Ruby was never OK ever. But she’s safe right now. After we’re done with the purple monster, I think Natasha will spend some time with her. Maybe get her in contact with her sister. This is some Black Widow program level shit. Before being at Midtown, Ruby went to Hydra Academy. Also, we don’t think she’s actually 16. We don’t know how old she really is.

BITC: The Black Widow has a sister?

Purple Princess: Quake has a cousin. Superheroes have families too. There’s a whole family of Black Widows.

Purple Princess: Of course, having an actual family can be a bad thing when you’re a superhero. For example, my dad is making me sleep now. He wants me to be halfway coherent by the time the sister-in-law gets here. Small confession, Ana corrected the grammar on most of these messages.

BITC: Wanda is coming? I absolutely hate that my dad wouldn’t let me come to the compound today.

BITC: Also, MJ discovers a new relative like every week. I still can’t believe Leo’s assistant Ms. Watson is her aunt.

Purple Princess: Yes. Wanda is supposed to give me a little check-up before leaving on her next mission. It’s only happened twice. It’s quite common to find long-lost relatives when your family members change their names to avoid toxic people. Oh, I need to make sure Ms. Watson knows about operation Popper switch this week.

BITC: I’m sure this is something else you can’t talk about. I didn’t understand most of that text message.

Purple Princess: We can talk in person tomorrow morning. I don’t think your dad will let you come over to Flash’s apartment at midnight. Per Ana, that now seems to be our ETA. Both of my dads have meetings all day. Dad is sulking because he can’t spend time in the labs with the team.

BITC: I would be sad too. Actually, I am sad because I missing all the fun. My dad is the cool parent, but that is still a no on a school night. Especially because he’ll just assume it’s an excuse to go to Peter’s. Mom is already trying to take him back to court because he lets me text message Peter when I’m here. Even Lola can’t talk her out of it. I think mom knows I broke protocol yesterday.

Purple Princess: Considering how much your grandmother terrifies me, I’m kind of shocked that she is not effective in this case. Ana will take care of that. My dad’s custody lawyer Vanessa is going to call your dad today. She helped us get Flash away from his parents.

BITC: You had to bring in a custody lawyer for that?

Purple Princess: How else would he have become my foster brother?

BITC: You have strange siblings and in-laws. Wait, why does the sister-in-law need to give you a check-up? Is this related to you fainting Friday? I think you mentioned your dad was concerned.

Purple Princess: Kind of. Remember I was incoherent due to sleep deprivation yesterday?

BITC: And apparently, you’re still sleep-deprived, but you’re using Ana to cover.

Purple Princess: The thing is, I shouldn’t be suffering the effects of sleep deprivation.

BITC: Everybody gets incoherent without any sleep. That’s just human.

Purple Princess: I’m not human. LMDs don’t need sleep or a bacon cheese waffle sandwich with real Vermont syrup. I need both. Thankfully the kitchens at the lighthouse are now fully stocked, and Hunter is making breakfast. He is the best. I wonder if I can talk him into chocolate chip pancakes too? I also need some of his cookies.

BITC: But are you just Friday in an LMD suit? I think you’re more than that. Especially now that you can enjoy good chocolate chip pancakes. If you’re making me meet you before sunrise, please bring food.

Purple Princess: I don’t know anymore. I shouldn’t have passed out Friday if I was just an LMD. I wouldn’t have been overwhelmed by all the information. Leo is 100% sure I should have been able to process it just as well as Ana.

BITC: Instead, you lost consciousness. Now Flash knows who you are. How did he take that? Other than him losing consciousness.

Purple Princess: Pretty well, actually once he was conscious again. Although he was more focused on the Benji truth.

BITC: I’m really gonna have to have a conversation about that with Benji. I feel like I’m missing all the good stuff. I mean, how exactly do you ask your best friend if they’re actually bisexual and are interested in Flash Thompson, of all people?

Purple Princess: That’s definitely a conversation to have with Benji. You could text him. Unfortunately, I have to go sleep now.

BITC: Go. I think Ana just sent that to [redacted] on my behalf via normal channels.

Purple princess: That seems like something my little sister would do.

Xxx
March 25, 2018, 10:33 AM gamma timeline
BITC: Class is boring. I know you’re asleep, but I’m just going to send random text messages. I’m sure Ana will make sure you’re not disturbed.

BITC: At least until the principal takes my phone again. BTW he doesn’t at all believe that you guys are doing something for Stark industries.

BITC: Cecily says I’m an idiot. Also, apparently the entire Midtown LGBTQA community knew about Flash.

XXXX
March 25, 2018, 11:03 AM gamma timeline
BITC: They also know about Benji, for that matter. Per Cecily, they think that Benji and Flash are not there today because they’ve run away together.

BITC: With MJ because apparently, they are OT3. I now know that wasn’t a voice recognition mistake last time. I don’t want to think about that right now.

BITC: Especially because [redacted] hasn’t texted me back yet.

BITC: I’m just going to assume that your father has forced him to sleep. Because I can definitely see him in the lab with you all night.

XXXX
March 25, 2018, 12:43 PM gamma timeline
BITC: OK, also the decathlon group thinks this. I sent you screenshots. Don’t show MJ. Otherwise, she might throttle Betty.

BITC: Honestly, I can see it too. Why did I not notice this earlier? They are always stealing each other’s food in the cafeteria. Cecily thinks it’s cute, and I think it’s weird.

BITC: The rest of the school is split between actually believing me when I say they’re doing a project for Stark Industries and thinking Peter just ran away with MJ for the weekend.

BITC: Except for our principal who really wants your dad to transfer us all to private school next year. Yes, he told me that. I just got out of his office. He really thought he was done with this when he retired.

BITC: But hey, I’m allowed to keep text messaging you in class since we’re in active apocalypse mode.

BITC: The theories are not completely ridiculous since you guys are in an upstate New York community known for its bed-and-breakfasts and its beautiful lighthouse. Not that they actually know that the lighthouse is a super-secret spy instillation run by two countries.

BITC: Except for maybe Coach Wilson. He’s also 100% sure aliens attacked Mumbai Friday.
XXXX
March 25, 2018, 1:28 PM gamma timeline

BITC: Oh, I’m 99% sure Cecily knows that you and Benji are really Purple Princess and Spidey. [Redacted] definitely knows.

BITC: [redacted] also wants to know if she needs to be called up from reserves and if her outfit is ready?

BITC: Hey, did you change the redaction rules? I can type O’Reilly’s first name, but I can’t put down Moon’s first name. That’s weird.

XXXX
March 25, 2018, 2:32 PM gamma timeline
Purple Princess: I am so sorry I did not return any of your messages. It’s been crazy. Plus, as you know, your handler is on a mission. I think you’re being reassigned to Simmons right now. She’s coming with us to New York. She might be subbing in our science class again. This is great because our current teacher is horrible. I’m so mad my dad won’t let me take classes at Empire State until next year.

Spidey too: Do I even want to know what mission Laura is on? Is it related to Ruby? I’ve felt like something was wrong. I didn’t see her in class today. This is entirely understandable since her mom died over the weekend, but I know they weren’t close.

Purple Princess: Because she was a monster. However, the other monster was bigger.

Spidey too: I knew the car accident thing was too convenient. So watchdogs, superpowered villains, or aliens?

Purple Princess: Things are messy, and I will brief you later. Not now because I’m not putting this in writing. I can’t even respond to your joke. Do you think you can convince your mom to do a sleepover at my house for the week?

Spidey too: Do I need to tell them it’s part of my internship at the ATCU? I think they’ll agree to it under those circumstances.

Purple Princess: Do what you have to do. It’s not entirely a lie.

Purple Princess: You’re not being called in yet, but you may need to be on standby. You also need to decide if you want to go to Malta. Dad is sending all the little kids to that base along with Ms. Marvel’s parents. He wants me to go there, but he won’t make me. He won’t make you either, but it’s an option.

Spidey too: Do you need someone to protect the kids?

Purple Princess: Not right now. Purple Arrow is going along with Benji’s aunt and a bunch of Shield agents. Actually, I think the girlfriend is going too. That’s going to be an interesting conversation, considering what happened in the other timeline. But we don’t judge people by what they do in other timelines, only what they do now.

Spidey too: Other timeline? How much do I not know?

Purple Princess: Way too much. Ana put together a 14-page executive summary. You get the non-redacted version if you read it at the house.

Spidey too: Oh, that’s not good. I’ll decide after you tell me everything.

Purple Princess: Ana will fill you in tonight. You can head to the Queen’s house after class. I would say bring the boy in the chair with you, but his dad cannot agree to that.

Spidey too: Custody issues?

Purple Princess Yes. Also, I am starting to think the real reason she doesn’t want her baby hanging out with Benji and me is that our parents are LGBTPQ. She was friends with May until she started dating Olivia. You don’t want to know what stunt she just pulled. Lawyers are involved again. Even her mom is on our side.

Spidey too: I am not surprised.

Purple Princess: Hey, is it OK if I tell Ned you’re one of Laura’s kids?

Spidey too: Yes. But just that.

Purple Princess: Thank you. I promise that’s all I’ll say.
XXXX
Purple Princess: Hey, sorry I didn’t text you back immediately. You reminded me that I needed to let CM know what’s going on. She’s one of Laura‘s kids. That’s why her name gets redacted, but CO doesn’t. That’s all I can say.

BITC: That makes way too much sense. I’m glad that’s the reason for the redaction. Originally, I thought that might be because CO is still changing her legal name. Therefore, it’s kind of a nickname at the moment.

Purple Princess: Actually, if you typed/dictated her dead name to any Stark AI, they will refuse to type it and then kindly remind you why you shouldn’t use it. Ana actually offered to help her with the name change, but she won’t agree to it.

BITC: That makes sense. Looking back, it seemed kind of obvious in gym class. It felt like CM was holding back like Benji. Is she like Quake or like Benji?

Purple Princess: I can’t answer that. You’ll have to ask her yourself later. I only got permission to tell you that she’s a Laura kid.

Purple Princess: Also, only ask her questions in a secure location.

BITC: Will do.

Purple Princess: I haven’t told CO that I’m Purple Princess, but she’s not stupid. We all know Benji keeps letting it slip.

BITC: Yet not a hint at all about Flash or himself. I still feel like an idiot. How did I not get that Flash’s special Malibu friend from his internship was his boyfriend? He looks a hell of a lot like Benji.

Purple Princess: You did point out he looked like Benji.

Purple Princess: BTW, they broke up over the weekend because the Malibu boyfriend was fucking around with a girl. Do not mention this in front of Flash.

BITC: I’m not heartless. I won’t say anything. CM just showed me the Instagram post, and even Flash doesn’t deserve that.

Purple Princess: Not at all. Hey, I have to go. The Wakanda delegation is here, which means my cousin is leaving in like five minutes. I need to say hi to everyone and figure out what we need to finalize tonight before going back to New York

BITC: She’s going back home, and I didn’t even get to see her. That sucks.

BITC: I was hoping she would be stopping by tomorrow.

Purple Princess: She’s going to the bay area for work. I think she’ll be making a brief stop at the youth center there. But she will probably be back in the New York Metro by Thursday.

Purple Princess: I want to go with her, but I can’t. My dad never lets me do anything fun.

BITC: Your dad let you be a superhero. That seems like fun.

Purple Princess: Only because he knows I would just do it behind his back if he said no. This way, he can supervise me. I think I will be under training wheels until I’m 25.

BITC: I feel your pain. I’m pretty sure my mom monitors my phone calls.

Purple Princess: I can confirm that she does that. It’s best for your sanity that you don’t know how I know that. I just pushed a version of Ana to your personal phone. She will make sure your mom won’t see your actual text messages. Although, just in case, you should probably only message us on your Avenger line. And don’t even think about calling us because she’s probably listening to your room through the baby monitor.

BITC: Is Ana covering them up with porn?

BITC: I think that would make things worse.

Purple Princess: I was the AI that came up with that brilliant idea, and I now know better. I promise your phone is not doing that. OK, I really got to go this time.

Purple Princess: Wanda is here. I haven’t seen her since Christmas.

BITC: Flash of all people just sent me a picture of your happy family reunion. You had a Malcolm in the middle late-night virtual viewing party last week. Sometimes I think you’re overly dramatic.

Purple Princess: That doesn’t count.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Cuddle bunny: Hey, just letting you know that we landed safely in Brooklyn.

Tony: Good to know.

Cuddle bunny: I can’t believe you actually have a place where we can park the Quinn jet. It is only a block and a half from my apartment. That seems weird for somebody who’s retired.

Tony: I’ve always believed in being pragmatic. It’s not a bad thing to have a Quinn jet/helicopter pad near the current Director of Shield’s home.

Cuddle bunny: It would if you weren’t retired from being a superhero. Apparently, you’re a real estate mogul now.

Tony: OK, the real reason is so we can take the Quinn jet to play dates. I even put in a car seat. Did you ever question why we could be there so often even though we’re like a four-hour car ride away at the cabin?

Cuddle bunny: So that’s the real cover for your real estate buying.

Tony: There’s a 50-50 chance I might own your apartment building. I’ll have to ask Hunter.

Cuddle bunny: Why Hunter?

Tony: I haven’t had an assistant since Kevin switched over to the Pepper side after losing his wife. Since I am mostly retired except for the real estate stuff and the occasional consulting, Hunter handles keeping track of things for me.

Cuddle bunny: Like reminding you when you have a play date with us.

Tony: I always remember when I get to see you, buttercup. Pepper always said that I needed a nanny more than an assistant. I just proved her right.

Cuddle bunny: Glad to know you enjoy the pleasure of my company. Which you love so much that you bought somewhere near me where you could land Quinn jet so you could see me more often. Really?

Tony: Of course.

Tony: Hey, I have to go eat dinner. Natasha brought pizza. Then Brucie bear and I will go through more of the Simmons notes. Well, the translations. She’s quite brilliant when she’s not spending quality time with José Cuervo.

Cuddle bunny: She is.

Tony: Oh, before I leave, please call Pepper Pot. I think she wants you to stay at the house because the baby misses you.

Cuddle bunny: Will do.
XXXX
Four hours later.
Agent Barton: You know, I think it’s best for humanity that Virginia Potts never became a supervillain.

Agent Barton: She is forcing me to share a room with a variant of my estranged husband.

Agent Barton: Today has been awkward enough without that. There was a lot of crying at therapy. Clint needed it, but still lots of crying.

Agent Barton: I got to see baby bird. Steve and Melinda are doing a good job. However, I think the baby bird in my timeline is doing better, probably because they found a way to lessen the visions.

Agent Barton: I know that your relationship with the Wakanda government isn’t as good as in my timeline, but they have some specialists that can really help the baby bird. I asked the princess to send some recommendations next time the window opens. Whenever that will be.

Agent Barton: Ana, is Tony in the creative zone?

Agent Barton: I mean Friday. Sorry, I’m not used to you not being a teenager here.

Friday: That’s OK. I understand that you’re used to a different AI.

Agent Barton: Ana thinks of herself as your little sister even though she’s more like a child. The Princess, Fitz, and Leo modeled some of her programming after you, but they changed some things. She also has a Wakondan accent. Although so does Afia. Or it’s more of a blend between your current accent and a Wakondan accent.

Friday: Do I like being an LMD?

Agent Barton: I think that’s a question you have to ask Afia. But I believe that you do.

Friday: I will when the window opens Thursday afternoon.

Agent Barton: I thought they said it would be three days.

Friday: We had to recalibrate. We are still trying to determine if we can send one-sided messages outside of the main window.

Agent Barton: That makes sense. So I assume Tony is busy?

Friday: Mr. Stark thinks he found the key to re-creating what Dr. Simmons did to bring Deke to your timeline.

Agent Barton: That makes sense. Can I talk to him?

Friday: I’m sorry. Outside of an emergency, I am only to put Steve’s text messages through to him.

Agent Barton: I am not the least bit surprised. Please tell me there’s a protocol that pulls him out of there if he exceeds 12 hours?

Friday: Yes.

Agent Barton: Good.
XXXX
eight hours later
Cuddle bunny: Hey, I just wanted to let you know that we’re leaving for Norway in half an hour. We are just having breakfast with the kids first. Pepper ordered pancakes.

Tony: Wait, it’s morning already? Although I am glad that you got over to see the kids.

Cuddle bunny: You fell asleep in the lab, didn’t you?

Tony: Yes. Hunter is busy with the girlfriend, so he wasn’t around to drag me out when I hit the 12-hour mark.

Cuddle bunny: You went back there right after eating?

Tony: Actually, we may have eaten the pizza in the lab. But away from all the sensitive equipment because we don’t want to damage any of that.

Cuddle bunny: Of course not.

Tony: Scott and Bruce left at some point, but I don’t remember when.

Cuddle bunny: You really need to sleep, Tony. It’s not good for you to push yourself this much.

Tony: I promise I’ll sleep soon. I just had a breakthrough last night and had to see it through until I got somewhere where I could stop. Which I just did. BTW, How was the group last night?

Cuddle bunny: More productive than I thought it would be. Clint actually shared with the group. The last five years have been horrible for him. There was a lot of crying.

Tony: I’m sure they have been, but he opted not to come to us. We were always here for him.

Cuddle bunny: We didn’t reach out.

Tony: Maybe you didn’t, but I know Natasha did. So did I.

Cuddle bunny: When was that?

Tony: At least once a year for the last five years.

Tony: Friday figured out a pattern to who he took out over the years. At least once a year, I usually crash one of his missions and try to talk him into coming with me. It almost worked once until he found out about Morgan.

Tony: But I get it. He’s lost everything. Seeing my happy child would just make it worse. Is Laura being there helping things or making it worse?

Cuddle bunny: I think helping. Although they shared a room last night, and she doesn’t want to talk about it.

Cuddle bunny: I understand the Morgan thing. Last night, Clint wasn’t comfortable around Robin until she showed him a picture of him back with his kids.

Cuddle bunny: Has Laura texted you? I feel like she would be more likely to share with you than me.

Tony: Possibly, but I may have been in the science zone, and only your messages are getting through right now.

Cuddle bunny: Good to know.

Tony: Let me know when you get to Norway. I’m going to bed.

Cuddle bunny: Who’s dragging you off? I have $50 on Natasha.

Tony: You owe somebody money. Dr. Morales. It’s hard to push back on a mom and a doctor.

Cuddle bunny: I’ll pay Pepper later. Please sleep for at least six hours.

Tony: I’ll try for you, sugarplum.

Cuddle bunny: That’s all I ask.

Xxxxx
11 hours later

Tony: OK, you’ll be happy to know that I managed to sleep for a full 10 hours.

Tony: That never happens. I thought someone may have given me a sleeping pill, but Friday promises no one did. Apparently, I was just really sleep-deprived.

Tony: I’m back in the lab now and ready to test my theory. Although we may have had to send somebody over to the lighthouse for more monolith particles. It’s been mothballed since the confederacy blew a hole through the roof, looking for a certain element. I’m really glad I managed to blow up Talbot before he went completely off the deep end. Although I just love the fact I went from one alien invasion to the other.

Tony: BTW, Pepper postponed the wedding the first time because I went to help Coulson out after he lost Fitz 1.0.

Steve: May told me about the helping, not about the delayed wedding.

Steve: It was easier to run everything out of the compound afterward. Coulson was in charge until he got too bad.

Tony: I think he was still in charge when Carol brought me back. My hospital bed was next to his until he went to Tahiti. I don’t remember much from those days except yelling at you. Sorry.

Steve: I forgive you. He left for Tahiti with May and Robin when we came back from killing Thanos. Sometimes I think he was just holding on long enough for us to get the stones and bring everyone back. He didn’t live that much longer after telling him it was impossible.

Tony: That makes sense.

Tony: Are you in Norway now?

Steve: Yeah, but it’s late here. We’re waiting until morning to head over to New Asgard. Bruce arranged for Valkyrie to meet us for breakfast.

Tony: It would probably be best to talk to her before approaching Thor.

Tony: Besides, I don’t think today is a good Thor day. He’s currently getting in a fight with Friday. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Steve:???

Tony: She plays Fortnite against him sometimes. He doesn’t know it’s her. Actually, he kind of hates her. But at least I have an idea of how he’s doing due to Friday being his arch-nemesis.

Steve: I don’t want to go and bring all the stuff back for him, but I also want May to have her daughter back.

Tony: Even if it’s not your May?

Steve: Neither one of them is really my May right now. Melinda has probably had as many nightmares about losing Daisy as she has about losing Phil.

Tony: Breakups are always hard. Especially breakups where you have children and still need to be in each other’s lives, no matter what.

Steve: And you understand that.

Tony: All too well. Pepper wasn’t speaking to me for most of her pregnancy with Morgan. Actually, that’s kind of how she got Kevin in the breakup. He took her side.

Steve: As he should have.

Tony: As I’ve said before, I was completely wrong. Have you and May talked at all since she said she wanted a divorce?

Steve: A little. I know I need to move on. I do want to move forward and build something with you. It’s just I don’t want to completely lose everything else. I cried on the way back to the Quinn jet after breakfast.

Tony: You still want that even though I’ve been scienceing hard for like the last day and forgot to eat? I’m a mess.

Steve: So am I, but I’m trying to do better for you.

Tony: That’s all I really asked for. I will be by your side the entire time.

Steve: Thank you. It’s easier knowing that I won’t be alone.

Steve: Oh, Laura says to return one of her text messages as soon as you’re done

Steve: Yeah, I’m not repeating the rest of that sentence.

Tony: She accused us of having text message sex?

Steve: Something along those lines.

Tony: Laura told me that your gamma timeline counterpart will not sext Tony.

Steve: Is this because he accidentally ended up posting his privates to Instagram?

Tony: No. Apparently, one of the reasons is that Steve realized how much the Tiberias incident traumatized me and never wants to accidentally put me in such a position again. Even though they are in a timeline where they have access to Wakanda-level encryption. Actually, we will too as soon as I finish reverse-engineering the software on Laura’s phone.

Steve: Seriously, Tony? Shouldn’t you be focusing on your time travel GPS or whatever you’re calling it?

Tony: Friday’s making me do it. Apparently, gamma baby bird said this was necessary, especially for Nebula. She sent me pictures and letters.

Steve: What? Why?

Tony: If we can’t get all the stones in gamma 2018, we’re going to have to go to other timelines. Without the encryption, the Nebula of that time could apparently pick up things. I’m hoping gamma 2018 will be a one-stop shop, but I doubt this is going to be that easy.

Steve: I don’t think that’s going to be necessary.

Steve: However, you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t planning for all possible outcomes

Tony: I wouldn’t have even thought of this without the picture the gamma timeline sent over. Gamma Robin has been prolific. Actually, so is your daughter. Agent Piper has been sending me a lot of pictures since this morning.

Tony: We’re at a crossroads. May said the last time this happened was after I killed Talbot. That resulted in Deke’s timeline not happening.

Tony: Well, it happened, but we’re not in that time branch.

Steve: I’m grateful for this.

Tony: I’m sending you a couple of pictures. I think they might be of you guys in Norway. The first one is from gamma, and the other one is from your daughter. That’s the one I want hanging up in my study. Your drawing lessons have been paying off.

Tony: What do you think the picture of Thor and Clint drinking beers means?

Steve: That Clint should be the one to talk to Thor. Laura agrees with me, but Clint doesn’t.

Tony: I’m going to trust you on interpreting your child’s artistic skills. You’re just gonna have to talk him into it.

Steve: Laura is trying. She says to text her tomorrow.

Tony: I will. I’m going to go science. I’ll let you know if my theory works out.

Steve: Laura says you better. I’ll talk to you later.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

XXXXX
March 25, 2018 4:43 PM
The new consultant: Thank you for emailing the homework. At least I now have something to do while we wait for Afia’s dads to get out of meetings.

BITC: No one is thankful for homework.

The new consultant: I know, but I don’t wanna get behind. Even though I hate most of our classes.

BITC: You should take classes at Empire State next year with us. I’m not even sure I will be taking any courses at Midtown next year other than maybe history.

The new consultant: I’m thinking about it. You know I only stayed behind so that Flash wouldn’t be alone. Flash is thinking about testing out and then going to SI full time. But Pepper wants him to go to Business School. So, that might not be an option. She has sent him the name of every university with a business program within three hours of MIT.

BITC: Of course, this is all dependent on the end of the world not happening.

The new consultant: It wasn’t the end of the world. We were just erased from existence.

BITC: I’m sure that will make more sense tomorrow. Ana refuses to tell me who was among those taken out by the purple one. It is still tomorrow, right? You’re not waiting for me at Flash’s apartment.

The new consultant: We’re still at the lighthouse. Afia is still with Wanda right now.

BITC: How long does a magical checkup take?
I
The new consultant: Awhile. But I’m sure it will be over soon.

BITC: Have you heard anything else from your cousin?

The new consultant: Not yet. Also, Natasha was voted as the one to message her.

BITC: They should let you talk to your cousin. That’s so unfair.

The new consultant: Completely unfair. Although Robbie said he would pass a message on for me as soon as he’s able to.

BITC: How is he going to do that?

The new consultant: It’s better that you don’t know.

BITC: It’s probably once again too classified for this conversation. My packet contains a lot of redacted information. I’m still really confused.

The new consultant: Yes.

BITC: Hey, is there a reason why Peter hasn’t responded to any of my text messages today. I also emailed him the homework assignments. CO and CM said they would send Flash his homework.

The new consultant: I will let him know. Your mom contacted Mr. Stark via her attorney because you texted Peter yesterday while you were still at her house.

BITC: I’m not even surprised she is monitoring my phone again. Lola made her promise that she would stop doing that.

The new consultant: I don’t think she cares. Peter promised not to contact you to keep her calm and not realize that Vanessa is getting ready to pounce on her. At least not until Vanessa does her thing. So don’t message Peter with your regular cell phone. Regular communications can return after the paperwork is filed.

BITC: That completely explains what Afia told me earlier. Also, why she’s only texting me on the Avenger line.

The new consultant: She loves loophole abuse.

BITC: Dad just told me about Vanessa. She’s coming to meet with us in 10 minutes, so I’ll talk to you later.

The new consultant: Good luck. I hope you get the custody arrangement you want. Or at least at a minimum, your mom will stop spying on you.

BITC: So do I.
Xx
March 25, 2018 6:08 PM
Spidey too: Hey, I am at your house. My counterpart’s aunt let me in. I’m surprised she is still here.

Purple Princess: She had to turn over her Jarvis Foundation projects before moving onto the Malta project. I’m pretty sure a Quinn jet will be picking up her and the girlfriend any minute.

Spidey too: Is the Malta project a euphemism for taking care of the little kids with superpowers for an indefinite amount of time as we wait for a purple genocidal maniac to come kill us all?

Purple Princess: Not all of us. Just half of us. I guess you read the executive summary?

Spidey too: I still don’t get half of it. I'm not joining Ms. Parker-Riley, so consider that a good thing.

Purple Princess: I will explain more later. Although silver lining, you weren’t one of those that died.

Spidey too: No, but I was kidnapped by Ross and held hostage for four years. They were trying to re-create my superpowers.

Purple Princess: Oh fuck. Ana, why didn’t I know about that?

Ana: I was cleared only to share that information with Spidey Too herself, per the instructions I received from Friday. The Avengers in the beta timeline do not know who Silk is. However, Spidey Junior felt that you needed to be warned. He is friends with beta Friday.

Purple Princess: Yep, Spidey Junior would do that. At least you have a cool code name.

Spidey too: Actually, I think I want to go with Silk. I like it.

Purple Princess: Silk it is.

Silk: I tried to text you earlier, but Ana said you were busy with your sister-in-law. Apparently, they were running a bunch of tests. By tests, does she mean my monthly visits to Dr. Fitzsimmons?

Purple Princess: Similar, and she was there. But this was a little more “magic” than science. My powers have been weird lately.

Silk: Weird, how?

Purple Princess: I need sleep and food now. Along with a gallon of coconut water. I get dehydrated quickly.

Silk: So you’re essentially becoming human.

Purple Princess: Yes.

Silk: After developing spider powers overnight, that doesn’t surprise me. I’ll get you a chocolate sundae when you get your first period.

Purple Princess: Bless you.

Purple Princess: Dad is still in meetings, but I think we’ll get there around midnight tonight. We can talk in the morning when we pick up BITC to take him to the safe house to talk.

Silk: I know that he knows that I’m one of Laura’s kids. How much does he know?

Purple Princess: Just that as requested. Although if you do tell him that you were bitten by the same spider that bit Spidey, please make sure I’m there.

Silk: Of course
XXXX
March 25, 2018 9:58 PM
Purple Princess: Hey, are you in San Francisco yet?

Genius Princess: Yes, we landed about 15 minutes ago.

Purple Princess: That’s good.

Genius Princess: Has the other team left?

Purple Princess: They are resting and finalizing the attack plan. Apparently, if they leave now, it will be the middle of the night where they’re going.

Purple Princess: Thankfully, my future self had the good sense to send the time zone along with the coordinates. We still haven’t heard back from the Guardians yet. They would make great backup, but it looks like the team is going alone.

Genius Princess: You’ve always been pragmatic.

Genius Princess: Do you know why you now need sleep? Nothing showed up in my diagnostics yesterday.

Purple Princess: Did you know that Wanda wants to have a baby with my big brother? The natural way or as natural as possible when you have the powers of an infinity stone at your disposal.

Genius Princess: I know they want to have kids, but I thought they were just adopting.

Purple Princess: Wanda thinks that her powers can allow her to create a child. She's using me as her test subject.

Purple Princess: Or she decided since she lost her brother, she would make a sister-in-law instead.

Genius Princess: You’re becoming organic?

Purple Princess: Thank you for not saying becoming human.

Genius Princess: I think you’re already human.

Purple Princess: I think that might be the plan eventually.

Genius Princess: Is this what you want?

Purple Princess: I think it’s what I need.

Genius Princess: Are you back in Queens yet?

Purple Princess: We were about to hop on the Quinn jet, but then dad got an emergency call from Yo-Yo and Bobbi. So the dads are dealing with that. I don’t think it’s good because Cap Dad broke a wall. Dad is making him go to medical.

Genius Princess: That’s not good.

Purple Princess: Not at all. Also, dad needs to talk to you. Immediately. Work stuff. He probably needs to brief you on whatever is happening in San Francisco that he won’t tell me about.

Purple Princess: Actually, he’s texting you now. I will leave you guys to talk.
Xxx

Chief mechanic: So, baby girl told me that you’re in San Francisco.

Purple Princess: Yes. We’re inviting Dr. Bill Foster to an event at the center tomorrow. We’re hoping that Pym will show up.

Chief mechanic: And if not, at least you can help him with his daughter. You can help him with his daughter?

Genius Princess: Yes. We just need the particles from the quantum realm. I've developed a device that will allow for enhanced collection.

Chief mechanic: Good. While you’re doing that, I need you to send one of your underlings that you trust to gather another DNA sample from Sharon’s neighbor. I would say do it yourself, but you don’t have time. Just make sure there’s not a chance that the sample can be corrupted by my honey bear.

Genius Princess: Why?

Chief mechanic: I’m sending you the results of the DNA test from the sample Yo-Yo got last night.

Genius Princess: I understand why you want me to rerun the test. Although the DNA is slightly different. Almost the same as with Dr. Fitzsimmons and Dr. Leopold.

Chief mechanic: Yes, and we know that Dr. Leopold is a Dr. Fitzsimmons variant.

Genius Princess: You think that Sharon’s neighbor is a Steve variant?

Chief mechanic: That’s better than thinking he’s a geriatric Steve clone raised by Hydra. That was honey bear’s theory. Which is why you’re going to have to have a wall fixed.

Chief Mechanic: Okay, he actually broke his hand. So no space adventures for him. Which will make Agent May happy because she didn't want him to go anyway for reasons only known to her. I will have to call Helen to see if she can speed up the healing process.

Genius Princess: Have him visit the infirmary on the Wakanda level. We can have him fully recovered in less than a week.

Chief mechanic: If you really think about it, a variant makes the most sense. It is a little suspicious that he just knew the truth about what the US government did to Isaiah Bradley.

Genius Princess: If he is a variant, that means he had some means of getting here.

Chief mechanic: Bingo. I don’t think it’s the monolith in his case. Now that we have a working understanding of beta Simmons’ work, we might have a prototype working at the end of the week. However, anything will help. We don’t know how much time we have.

Genius Princess: I will take care of it.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Tuesday, March 26, 2018, 5:03 AM
Purple Princess: We’re coming to pick you up in 15 to go over to the safe house. We’re bringing bagels and Benji. He misses you.

BITC: I miss him too. Are you bringing coffee? It’s 5:03 AM. I only get up this early for cons.

Purple Princess: You didn’t last time.

BITC: Because I’m now friends with Afia Stark and Starks don’t wait in lines like everyone else.

Purple Princess: For security reasons. Besides, SI is one of the sponsors of the NYC convention. I should have some perks. Yes, we’re bringing you an extra-large ice latte.

Purple Princess: [Insert image 1]

BITC: Yeah, I’m going to need two of those. Also, are Benji and Flash holding hands?

Purple Princess: Yes. You couldn’t see it in that picture, but MJ is sleeping on top of them. It’s now why I’m upfront with Simmons. She’s our chaperone/agent in charge. Probably because she refuses to go to Malta.

Purple Princess: Dad has to stay at the lighthouse because Cap dad is in a healing pod for a few more hours. They may be going to San Francisco for reasons not disclosed to me. Nobody is telling me anything.

BITC: Now, you know how I feel. Are any of those spiked with alcohol? Healing pod?

Purple Princess: Cap dad had a fight with the wall, but no one will tell me why he had a fight with a wall. Although Wakanda medical technology is the best. When I get my immune system, I’m getting all my vaccines from them. That’s going to suck.

BITC: Please bring alcohol.

Purple Princess: Sorry, I can’t bring alcohol into a situation where you and Flash are in close contact, especially if we’re going to his apartment. It’s an alcohol-free zone.

BITC: I accept that. Shouldn’t he actually be already at his apartment and not all over my BFF?

Purple Princess: We didn’t get back to Queens until midnight, and it just made sense for him to crash in his room at the townhouse.

BITC: Alone?

Purple Princess: Benji and MJ may have been with him. This is much easier now that I’m not hiding this from you. Especially now that Benji is gradually coming out of denial. Thank Thor.

Purple Princess: Okay, maybe this is a Loki situation.

BITC: This feels like something the god of mischief would be responsible for. This also explains why Ana asked me to read the Idiots Guide to Polyamorous Relationships yesterday. I assume this is not going to be an either-or proposition?

Purple Princess: Well, Flash is really, really gay, so there won’t be anything happening between him and MJ.

Purple Princess: Oh, CM is with us too.

BITC: Why? Is this related to her being a Laura kid?

Purple Princess: She’ll explain it to you in the car.

BITC: I’m assuming this goes in the category of too classified to discuss on this line. This concerns me because the Princess’s encryption is top-notch.

Purple Princess: Even the cousin agrees that this is not a normal situation. We can’t have any leaks, and we’re dealing with somebody that has technology far greater than ours.

BITC: Greater than the Wakandan?

Purple Princess: Yes. The cousin was very sad to acknowledge that. She got her hands on jump technology Sunday night and was very disappointed she didn’t come up with it first. She was almost there but needed to look at the original to tweak Zephyr 3.

BITC: Zephyr 3 is ready to launch, and I’m not there to see it? This is my mom’s fault. I am so embarrassed that she got her lawyer to call your dad again.

Purple Princess: I think it’s going to happen when you’re supposed to be at Empire State for your class with Dr. Olivia.

BITC: Which was canceled because Dr. Olivia has a family emergency. I didn’t even know she had family.

Purple Princess: Oh, good. Ana can stream it for you when you’re supposed to be in class.

Purple Princess: The family emergency is her going to Malta. Besides, I’m pretty sure at this point she considers May her family. Maybe, Professor Liv will keep making better life choices with May in her life.

BITC: I think it’s best I do not ask questions.

Purple Princess: Good call.

Purple Princess: Hey, we’re here. I’m crawling into the back with CM so you can sit up front.

BITC: You are the best.

BITC: BTW, there is a rumor floating around campus that counselor Laura was MIA because aliens kidnapped her.

BITC: And another version about her being kidnapped by Ross. The evil one, not the ambassador.

Purple Princess: Not this time. Obviously, we’re damage control today. Also, Ana needs to find a leak at the ATCU. Or possibly Damage Control.

Purple Princess: The agency, not us.
XXXX
In the car a few minutes later.

BITC: I’m so sorry that my mom did what she did yesterday. Vanessa thinks she can stop stuff like that.

TMNS: I hope she can help. What your mom is doing is weird and creepy.

BITC: So very much. It’s never a good thing when Lola takes my dad’s side. Apparently, you weren’t the only one bit by a spider during that field trip? I thought you were the only one. You said the spider died.

BITC: That can’t be right because of Spidey Junior. Although he is inhuman too.

TMNS: He has the gene. This might be why he gets the invisibility power, but the bite was still the trigger. Let’s just say there was more than one radioactive spider.

BITC: Okay, now I’m really mad my mom refused to sign the permission slip for that trip. I want superpowers. I’m like the only one who doesn’t have superpowers.

TMNS: MJ and Flash do not have powers, and they are absolutely perfect the way they are.

TMNS: Also, why are you texting me when you’re sitting in the same car?

BITC: Because I’m all the way up front, and you’re now in the back so you can snuggle with your boyfriend. I don’t want to yell over Silk and Purple Princess. Her code name is so cool.

TMNS: You know, just because Flash is gay doesn’t mean he’s into me.

BITC: In the last 48 hours, I’ve read through Flash’s Spider-Man fan page. I’m disappointed I didn’t see his crush on you earlier. Like half of his tweets are pictures of your butt. I have no idea your pre-nano tech costume was that tight.

TMNS: Some of the older stuff was a little ridiculous, but the new stuff has been very demure.

BITC: Only because the Princess made adjustments to the costume.

TMNS: So, he had a crush on my alter ego. It’s still better than that incident that led to Twitter’s TOS being changed.

BITC: If I turn around, I’m going to see your cuddle pile in the back. Please don’t lie to me. It’s okay that you like guys. I wish they were different guys. However, I once kissed Betty. Therefore, I’ve been informed that I’m not allowed to criticize anybody else’s taste in significant others.

BITC: As long as they are not abusive.

TMNS: Betty did sell Afia out for clout.

BITC: Which as much as I dislike Flash, that is something that he never did. Our classmates didn’t even find out he was Tony Stark’s foster son.

TMNS: He can keep a secret. This is why I’m not worried about him knowing that I’m also Spidey.

BITC: I get why you couldn’t tell me the truth about Flash. It definitely wasn’t your secret to tell.

TMNS: Exactly.

BITC: But you could have told me about you. This is kind of something you tell your best friend, but you didn’t tell me. All the others knew, but I didn’t. I just feel like, over the last year, we’ve been drifting apart.

TMNS: We haven’t been.

BITC: You didn’t tell me you were bisexual. That feels like a sign that we’re not as close as we used to be. If I suddenly realized I thought boys were cute in that way, I would definitely tell you.

TMNS: Would it make you feel better to know I didn’t actually tell MJ and Afia? They just kind of figured it out.

BITC: No. That makes it worse. I should’ve seen it.

TMNS: I wasn’t ready yet for you to see it. I’m still not entirely ready, but I can’t hide things from you.

BITC: Yet you did. How exactly did Flash find out before me? Or did he just know? Is the radar thing actually a thing?

TMNS: We may have kissed at the Fitzsimmons wedding last year after Spidey saved him. Although he didn’t know it was me until Friday.

TMNS: I think you were watching Quake and Agent America beat up watchdog members.

TMNS: That kiss was kind of how I figured things out. But it took me a few months to reconcile that because the bisexual label alone really didn’t represent me. MJ got me a book which made me realize there were more options. I consider myself now demisexual with no gender preference.

BITC: That explains that other book on the on a reading list.

XXXX
“You kissed Flash? A year ago at the wedding?” Ned screamed from the front of the vehicle. Obviously, Peter made a mistake telling him that.

“Yes,” Peter acknowledged reluctantly.

“Why the fuck did you not tell me? Seriously? How did I miss that at the wedding?” Peter could tell Ned was upset.

“Really, did you have to tell him that now?” Flash asked, annoyed. “We have at least two more hours together.”

“This stuff could’ve waited until we tell him about everything happening in the Beta timeline. I don’t need you guys yelling at each other about this.” Afia said just as Simmons pulled into the underground parking lot of the building.

“I didn’t tell you what I figured out about myself because some of it was nearly impossible to explain without telling you about Flash’s involvement. It was also a little bit hard to do since we’re barely able to see each other outside of school now. This is not a phone conversation.” Peter explained.

“Agreed.”

“I’m definitely not ready for most of Midtown to know about me. I definitely don’t want to have this conversation. Can we have this conversation later? Like possibly after we no longer have to worry about the purple one?” Flash sighed.

“Half of the school does know about you. At least, according to Cecilie.” Ned added.

“No, half of the school thinks they know what’s going on. But I haven’t confirmed it. Honestly, I’m not planning to until at least the 10-year reunion when I show up with my super hot husband.”

“Which hopefully will be Peter. But we won’t actually need that. Half of us know you’re gay. We’re just being really polite and waiting for you to tell us. I figured it out after that dance where you didn’t even try to kiss me when we were alone.” Peter forgot that Cindy was one of Flash’s former beards.

“I’m sorry I used you as my beard, and I owe you chocolates.” Flash apologized.

“You really do,” Cindy said with a half-smile. “My money is on upside down kissing Peter in his costume in the rain and the whole thing ending up on Twitter.”

“Instagram,” MJ added. “I may be the one taking the picture.”

“I’m thinking YouTube. There probably will be video. Lots of videos. Although please don’t follow my father’s footsteps and end up with a sex tape. I’m really, really tired of screenshots of that ending up taped to my locker.” Afia joked.

“What is wrong with your school?” Dr. Fitzsimmons asked from the driver’s seat.

“We still have homophobic assholes. Which is again why I didn’t want you to know about me.” Flash acknowledged.

“I really wasn’t ready to tell other people outside of the bubble. I was planning to add you to the bubble, just not until I had a boyfriend,” Peter explained.

“Considering Flash is the potential boyfriend, I think it would’ve been better to do it in two phases.” Peter felt it was in his best interest not to say that he wasn’t quite in the boyfriend place with Flash yet, but he also didn’t want to deny out loud it was a possibility. Because obviously, it was at this point.

“I’m not going to tell people.” Flash scoffed at Ned’s words.

“Peter and I have a right to be wary. How many things about Afia ended up all over Twitter because of you? You’re the reason why people figured out that MJ is related to Daisy.”

“I’ve apologized many times for dating Betty. It was a bad judgment call on my part, and I’m sorry. But I hadn’t told her anything since the incident last spring. I think that should show you that you can trust me.” Ned argued.

“We can all acknowledge that mistakes were made in the past. Ned is working on that.” Afia said, defending Ned.

“I have been. I even deleted my main Twitter account after the wedding video incident.”

“If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t be taking you upstairs for a more top-secret briefing than what the president got,” Afia tells the group.

“If her father didn’t trust you, then I wouldn’t allow her to brief you.” Dr. Fitzsimmons added. “Actually, I will do the briefing to make sure you don’t find out anything you shouldn’t.”

“What is left to tell me? We’ve had two alien invasions. Our secret agent guidance counselor was kidnapped by her estranged husband from another timeline. Also, apparently, there is a time travel refugee squatting in your guest room. Also, half the World disappeared. I think I know the worst parts.”

“My grandson is still at the compound.” Dr. Fitzsimmons answered. “Although I’m sure he’ll be leaving soon. Because Nomad is incapacitated, my grandson and brother-in-law will assist Agent America on the soul stone retrieval mission.”

“Okay, what could you possibly have to tell me that is worse than that?” Ned asked.

“You’re really going to regret saying that,” Afia said as they exited the car.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

BITC: I’ve received my unredacted briefing. Things are going to get really bad?

TMNS: Yes.

BITC: I’m sorry I freaked out when I heard about the kiss. I promise I’ll do better with accepting your boyfriend. I just need time to adjust. I promise it’s a Flash thing, not a boyfriend thing.

BITC: I was still working on him being your friend. This is just another level.

TMNS: Good to know. He’s not quite my boyfriend yet. I know you know about the ex. Flash needs time to recover after that. It’s not just you that needs to adjust.

BITC: Regardless, you guys can stop hiding now because I really need someone to talk about what I just read. Why did you let Simmons and Ana give me the briefing without you there? I need a hug right now. Simmons tried, but she’s not you.

TMNS: We’re not hiding. We’re showing Silk her new uniform.

BITC: See, that would’ve been preferable to finding out I died and what my mom did after I died. That’s a lot to process with the custody situation going on.

TMNS: Not dead. Just turned into dust. But that can be fixed if we get all the stones. Bonus, the purple guy won’t have them, which means whatever your mom did won’t happen here.

BITC: Which would be good considering she swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills and never woke up.

TMNS: Oh God, I didn’t know that. Why didn’t I know that?

Ana: You were not cleared to have that information.

BITC: I think I would have preferred not knowing.

BITC: Simmons told me a little bit about the plan to fix things after I started crying. Is it actually going to work? Sure, there are still Infinity stones, but they’re not the Infinity stones that were destroyed. Can they actually undo what happened there? Or are our stones nothing more than pretty paperweights in that timeline? And they won’t be able to fix my mom, right?

TMNS: Asked Simmons that question.

BITC: She and the Princess theorized that they should still work because we are a branching timeline from the original timeline. We’re just at a different point in time, not a completely different universe. As for my other question, that’s an ethical dilemma for the other Avengers.

BITC: We are just the timeline that went off the rails for the better. I hope.

BITC: I don’t wanna die. I really don’t wanna die. I am mad at my mom for what she’s been doing, but I don’t want her dead either.

TMNS: We don’t want you to die. Or your mom, for that matter, even though I don’t think she likes me anymore because I am not straight.

BITC: I am so sorry.

TMNS: We will do everything possible to ensure it doesn't happen.

BITC: I believe that. Are we forming our own little group of Avengers?

TMNS: That’s the plan. We’re going to need a man in the chair. Especially because the grown-ups want to keep us out of this.

BITC: Which is just something parents do, and I hate it.

TMNS: We’re not going to let that happen.

BITC: At all.

TMNS: Are we OK?

BITC: Better but don’t hide things from me. Even if you think I’m going to freak out, I still want you to tell me. I feel like that’s the other reason that you kept your Flash crush from me.

TMNS: I mean, it’s not really a crush. Also, until Friday, Flash had a boyfriend. He was a complete asshole, but I wasn’t going to break that up.

BITC: Even when you should have. O’Reilly showed me some stuff on Facebook, and even I’m upset on Flash’s behalf.

TMNS: Which is why we’re not really together right now. MJ says that we’re just taking comfort in one another. It’s been a weird few days.

BITC: That makes sense when we are at the edge of an apocalypse. She’s the smart one in our group.

TMNS: Exactly.

TMNS: MJ will appreciate that. She’s coming to talk to you.

BITC: Oh, good. I’ll be in the breakfast nook, having a second bagel. I need it.

TMNS: You deserve two bagels today.

BITC: Absolutely.

BITC: Please don't tell her what my mom did in the Beta timeline. I don’t want to talk about that.

TMNS: I am very good at not telling friends other friends’ secrets.

XXXX
As he put his phone down, MJ walked into the apartment's kitchen. It was huge. He would be very jealous if it wasn't really a safe house.

“How are you doing? We really didn’t get to talk in the car.” Ned asked as she sat down on the stool next to him. He would much rather talk about MJ and her cousin.

“Because you found out about Cindy, and then Peter was an idiot and told you about the kiss,” MJ said as she grabbed a bagel. "Although, in his defense, I think he’s wanted to tell you about it for the last year, and now he can.”

“That weirdly makes sense. So really, both Peter and Thompson?”

“No, just Peter. I can handle dating just Peter by myself. Being Spider-Man’s significant other is too much for one person. So, Flash and I have decided to change it to a group project.” MJ explained, and Ned had no choice but to chuckle.

“Being Spider-Man’s BFF is exhausting, so that makes sense. This day has already been a mess, and we need to leave for classes soon.” He really hates that he found all of this out on a Tuesday. He's blaming his mom for that. He could've found all the stuff out Saturday and had time to adjust if she would just let him go with the Princess. He has way too many conflicting emotions about her right now, and he has to process them on a school day. Worst of all, Laura was in another timeline, and he really could use her right now.

“It is, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, neither would he.”

“I know. I’m just worried about getting locked out. We’ve always just had each other, and now there are other people, and it’s weird.”

“I promise I won’t let that happen. But you have other friends too. I’m one of them.” MJ pointed out.

“I know.”

“This is a chance to prove that you're really a friend. Ana, activate blackout protocol.” All of a sudden, they were encapsulated in a holographic force field.

“Oh, this is not good,” Ned said as MJ handed him a Stark pad. Ned really hopes this isn’t more details regarding his mom. He can’t deal with that.

"Do you know about Robin?" MJ asked.

"Yes. Robin emailed me a picture of Peter holding hands with you and someone with blonde hair I didn't recognize about six months ago. The third person was Flash?" Ned asked.

"Probably. A lot of Robin’s drawings don’t make sense until after the fact.”

“They also don’t always come true. I know about her earlier drawings of the world cracking apart.”

“That happened in Deke Fitzsimmons’ original timeline,” MJ explained.

“But not here because we make different choices?” If they make better choices, then he can save his mom. He may not want to talk to her right now, but he wants her to live.

“Or in the Beta timeline because they called in Mr. Stark in the end. Basically, if we make different choices, things don’t happen. I want you to help me make sure that the pictures I’m about to show you don’t come true.” MJ said just as one of Robin’s drawings showed up on the screen.

“Is that a picture of Mr. Stark dying?” Ned asked. He does not need to see that right now.

“Yes, although we don’t know if that is our Tony or the other beta timeline’s Tony. Ana, show Ned the picture we got from the other timeline.” MJ ordered the AI.

"That's two different Tonys in that picture, and thankfully only one is dying,” Ned remarked, concerned. “Also, that Robin is a better drawer.”

“She’s also five years older.”

“This time travel stuff is giving me a headache.” Like coming to terms with the fact that his mother is dead in another timeline.

“I’ll give you Tylenol once we’re done. This is going to get worse because Robin’s been drawing pictures like this since Christmas 2016.”

“Shit. Does Afia know?” Ned really hopes she doesn’t. Ned really wished he didn’t know about his own mom.

“She knows, and so does the Princess. I didn’t know until Saturday because our friend doesn’t tell us stuff because she doesn’t want to burden anyone. She gets it from her dad. However, it was decided by the Princess that I needed to know. She wanted to tell you but couldn’t because your mom wouldn’t let her talk to you.” MJ explained.

“Which is why she had to bring you in even though you’re dealing with Daisy.” The Daisy situation was the other reason why he didn’t want MJ to know what happened in the beta timeline.

“I’m good at multitasking,” MJ remarked. “It doesn’t matter which version of Mr. Stark is in the pictures because it’s going to devastate a lot of people. That’s also not a chance I’m willing to take.”

“So, what’s the plan?” He didn’t want his friends to deal with this.

“We are forming our own Young Avengers group.”

“I am the boy in the chair, and you are a spy liaison. What is Flash?"

“Keeping Peter and Afia calm and possibly media relations,” MJ answered.

"Useful skills."

“We are bringing in other people, too.”

“Who?” Ned asked.

“Ms. Marvel.”

“She’s 11.”

“Only in our timeline.” It was the last thing MJ said before lifting the blackout protocol. Unfortunately, it was time to leave for class. Ned really hates high school.
xxxxx
Earlier, in the beta timeline

Friday: Your father has safely arrived in Norway.

KKMR: Good. Is he going to try to get Thor tonight? Are they planning to bring him back here? I don’t think I ever met him. I was still in foster care the last time he was around. I hadn’t even moved in with my cousin yet.

Friday: They’re waiting until morning to visit.

KKMR: Good plan.

KKMR: So, are you going to tell me more about what’s actually going on? Mom and dad explained some things, but I feel like it’s more than going to another timeline to get the stones and then bring everybody back.

Friday: Unfortunately, I cannot share those details with you.

KKMR: Friday, come on. You know I need to know what’s happening. Dad looked so sad last night.

Friday: He’s worried about you going back to your biological parents.

KKMR: I don’t know if I’m going to move back with them right away or at all. May and Steve are my parents too. We will always be a family even if they divorce and dad marries Uncle Tony. Which, according to mom, happened in another timeline.

Friday: They are just currently engaged. They’re looking for a new wedding date after discovering the current one corresponds with the day Thanos attacks New York in our timeline.

KKMR: They should definitely consider a different wedding date. If they actually succeed in having the wedding, I want to be there.

Friday: I will make arrangements.

KKMR: So, you can tell me that, but not what else is going on? This is entirely unfair, Friday.

Friday: I apologize, Ms. May-Rogers.

KKMR: It’s never good when you use that last name.

Friday: Although I cannot give you details, I can pass along a message sent to you from the other timeline.

KKMR: Who sent me a message? Mom? The one in the other timeline. Although I guess she wouldn’t be my mom yet. I would still be in Jersey City, right?

Friday: In the other timeline, your parents moved to the Avenger compound after the Watchdogs attacked again. Your family has been there since.

KKMR: That makes sense. The cousin used his contacts to get us into protective custody for a little while. We were able to go back to the house eventually. Then the decimation happened.

Friday: The message is from ATCU consultant Michelle Jones.

KKMR: I do not know who that is. Why is she contacting me? What’s the ATCU?

Friday: The US replacement agency for SHIELD. Michelle Johnson is a student at midtown high and a friend of Peter Parker in both timelines. She was lost to the decimation in this timeline.

KKMR: So she was at least connected to an Avenger here.

Friday: Yes. She is also the cousin of Agent Daisy Johnson. However, that fact was unknown in our timeline.

KKMR: She is the cousin of mom’s other daughter?

Friday: Yes.

KKMR: Is she reaching out to me about mom?

Friday: I think you should read her letter.

XXXXX
From: ATCU consultant Michelle Jones
Codename: The New Consultant
To: Kamala Khan May-Rogers

Subject: We need your help

My name is Michelle Jones, and I am a consultant for ATCU’s Superhuman, Inhuman, and enhanced liaison division. Better known as New Shield.

I don’t know if we met in your timeline. In my timeline, I’m one of your primary babysitters. Your brother decided he didn’t want to be in protective custody anymore, especially when the merchant of death was involved. I’ve also betaed some of your fan fiction stories. Although that’s mostly Ned. He’s one of my other friends. Do you still do that?

It’s weird writing you this knowing that you’re my age when in my time you’re 11. You’re also on your way to Malta because the adults have decided that the kids do not need to be around when the purple one comes to get the stones. You know that’s not going to matter. If he wins, half of us are gone regardless, and other people might die in the process. Maybe they could have saved Yo-Yo if the Princess wasn’t taken away. She would have come up with the best prosthetics.

By now, I’m sure you know what your parents are trying to do. They’re going to help our timeline by helping us get the stones before the purple one. We’re going to give them to not necessarily fix your timeline but bring everyone back.

At least I hope you know that much. My friend Afia has Steve Rogers as her other father, and he usually tells her stuff. However, he’s also ridiculously protective and leaves out the details. This is why you’re getting an executive summary of what we know so far. It wouldn’t hurt for you to have this since the purple one is really dead where you are. There’s no risk of him getting his hands on our battle plan.

I think we will be successful. But at what cost? Because there’s always a cost. I know you know Robin. She’s your sister in your timeline. Here she lives in Wakanda, and Bucky Barnes will be her stepdad soon. Yes, I know, but we’re all happy that Polly will get a happy ending. Sorry, you don’t need those details.

I’ve attached some images to this letter from our Robin. My friend Afia, Tony's daughter, is convinced they are pictures of her dad dying in my timeline. I think they are pictures of Morgan's dad dying. This would be worse for you because I believe it would destroy your dad if he lost him.

Here’s the situation, the parents don’t want us to be involved. Actually, we’re pretty sure they're going to send us to Malta, but we’re going to tell them no. Instead, we want to form our own Young Avengers group. We want you to join us as well as any other young superheroes. We need your help.
Will you help us?
XXXX

Miss Marvelous: Friday is sending you something via the special email account. Let me know if you’re in?

Spidey pink: Is this related to time travel being a thing? Because I already know. I may have had Friday send a message to the other side. They needed to know what Ross did to S.

Miss Marvelous: Of course you did, and you didn’t tell me.

Spidey pink: You know my mom is at the compound. That’s why I had to stay with Ganke this weekend.

Miss Marvelous: Read the message, Spider-boy.

Spidey pink: Spider-Man

Spidey pink: Reading now.

Miss Marvelous: Are you in?

Spidey pink: I am in. I’m sure S will join.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Angry girl: You could have told me that your friends were planning an intervention. I wouldn’t have come otherwise. I don’t want to be part of this.

Angry girl: They don’t work anyway.

Bruce: You stopped drinking.

Angry girl: My people need someone to lead them, which requires at least one of us to be sober. Unfortunately, it had to be me.

Angry girl: I’m older anyway.

Bruce: How is it going?

Angry girl: Nobody has tried to take his beer away yet. So it is going better than I thought it would. I expected everybody to be kicked out by now.

Bruce: They didn’t take Simmons’s bottle of vodka away, so I assume the beer would be no different. Also, how much beer does an Asgardian need to drink to not be sober? I can now drink a jumbo size Margarita with extra tequila and not feel anything.

Angry girl: Constantly, to be honest. At least that was my experience, but the liquor was more potent elsewhere. So who are these people really? They are not all actually Avengers. I don’t think you ever had a therapist on call.

Bruce: Clint and Steve are. They fought with Thor before. Laura is Clint’s wife. Steve is now a trained grief counselor, and Laura is working on her doctorate in clinical psychology. But she’s already a high school guidance counselor. Her specialization is children and young adolescents with superpowers.

Angry girl: They seem like the best people to be here.

Angry girl: The man of purple just said his wife died during the decimation. So how is she here now?

Bruce: This is a Laura Barton from a different timeline. Dr. Simmons may have figured out time travel. Unfortunately, she was a little inebriated at the time. We have not been able to re-create her work yet.

Bruce: Although Tony had a breakthrough last night, so we almost have it. Maybe. Natasha won’t let us try until everybody is back. We might even wait until our next update from the other timeline.

Angry girl: It seems that the warrior Natasha is as intelligent as she is fierce. I wish to make her acquaintance.

Bruce: Yes. No, I will not introduce you.

Angry girl: I’m sure the Lady Barton will in your absence. You’re in communication with the other timeline?

Bruce: Yes, but the windows are sporadic. Friday believes the next window will be sometime Thursday afternoon.

Angry girl: I’m sure they’ll be back by then.

Bruce: Why are you not surprised at the mention of time travel and the ability to communicate with the other timeline?

Angry girl: I’ve lived for millennia. I’ve heard many tales of those that have come from other dimensions and times. Legend had it that some could communicate with other worlds. Before Hel killed them all.

Angry girl: Also, many believe that Sakaar wasn’t just a dimensional pocket outside of time, but you could travel back in time when you arrived there.

Bruce: Interesting theory.

Angry girl: People are crying now.

Bruce: Good crying or bad crying?

Angry girl: I’m not sure. Thor is now hugging Clint. He just asked Thor to help him bring his family back.

Angry girl: And then save the Loki in the other timeline???

Bruce: In the other timeline, it’s still 2018, and we are still on Sakaar. Of course, things are different there this time because Daisy is there.

Angry girl: That explains why they asked so many questions on the drive to Thor’s house.

Bruce: Did you answer any of them?

Angry girl: No, but I might now. At least about the battle and Asgard. Maybe they can save more people.

Bruce: We are trying to figure out why the Steadman was attacked.

Angry girl: Because Loki brought the tesseract aboard. It should have burned in Asgard.

Bruce: Not possible, even if we didn’t need it. Unfortunately, we do need that stone.

Angry girl: You’re really going to try to bring everybody back?

Bruce: We’re going to try at least.

Angry girl: I wish you luck on your foolish quest. I want no part of it.

Bruce: That’s fair.
XXXX
Tony Potts: Hey, we think we have something, but Natasha doesn’t want us to try until everybody’s back, at least.

Tony Potts: Bruce and I think we should wait until after our conversation with the other timeline to coordinate things. I don’t think I want to materialize in my other self’s bedroom.

Laura: This might not be a bad idea. I think we will be back Wednesday evening. Thor is going to be with us along with his friend Korg. I invited him to come as I believe it would help Thor. Do we have any beds at the compound that will support someone that is essentially a rock creature and 8 feet tall?

Laura: Sorry, he’s actually eight-foot-one.

Tony Potts: We do, but Bruce is in that room. I will order something, possibly custom. I'll have a whole suite set up for you before you get back.

Tony Potts: Actually, Friday believes we might be able to make a frame in the lab. But I will order a mattress. The fabricator don’t do well with memory foam.

Laura: I’ve witnessed one of those experiments, so yes, definitely order something online.

Tony Potts: So, did you do your Laura magic to convince him to visit the Avenger rehabilitation center for superhero mental health and substance abuse?

Laura: You’re still horrible at naming things. I’m grateful Afia named herself. Granted, it means a daughter born on Friday.

Tony Potts: Which is precisely the name I would have given her. I named Morgan. I think I’m getting better.

Laura: You still have a satellite network named Edith, don’t you?

Tony Potts: Yes. Obviously, I don’t in the other timeline. What’s it called there?

Laura: Screw Thanos, every villain’s end, a.k.a. STEVE. You changed it from the original after Steve found out what the previous acronym meant. He made you change it.

Tony Potts: That definitely sounds like a name chosen by a man who didn't get his ass handed to him by the purple one. Although I still like it. I've already asked Friday to change the name designation.

Laura: Name aside, I didn’t do anything to get Thor to come with us. That was all Clint.

Tony Potts: Just like the picture?

Laura: Yes. But I think this is less about healing and more about vengeance or fixing things in the other timeline.

Laura: He’s not ready for recovery yet. I believe Thor wants to help us mostly to make sure gamma timeline Loki doesn’t die. They were just starting to fix their relationship when he was killed.

Tony Potts: I get that. At least they were starting to fix things. It would be much worse otherwise.

Laura:?

Tony Potts: The last conversation I had with my father was a fight. I didn’t exactly want him to spend Christmas elsewhere. He said he had to go. After reading the truth about Hydra and watching that fucking video again, I wonder if he knew the end was at hand. That in the end, Hydra was going to get him. But if he knew that, why didn’t Howard leave mom behind.

Laura: I never met Maria, but I’ve worked with many people who knew her at the foundation. She doesn't seem like the type of person who would want to be left behind. Do you think Steve would let you leave him behind if you were in danger?

Tony Potts: Not at all.

Laura: From what everybody told me about your mom, she was that person. I wish I didn’t drop this on you. You don’t need to be dealing with old Howard stuff right now.

Tony Potts: I needed to know. I can’t move forward without knowing the whole truth. If we’re going to bring Steve’s BFF back, it’s probably best to get myself to a space emotionally where I won’t punch him on sight.

Laura: I don’t think you would do that.

Tony Potts: I thought you knew me well.

Laura: That’s why I think you won’t. At least not now that the anger is not as raw.

Tony Potts: Maybe you do know me. Sorry, I was in the science zone and couldn’t text you back after Pepper’s little stunt. Only Steve’s messages were getting through. Did I tell you that Pepper Pot purposely placed a bottle of KY jelly on Hunter’s bed just so I would spend the night with Steve? I think she ships us, which is weird.

Laura: I started laughing so hard everybody is staring at me right now, especially Valkyrie. Pepper definitely ships you and Steve. Now at least.

Laura: That is such a Pepper thing to do. It’s fine. Sharing a bed with an alternate timeline version of my estranged husband is not the worst person I’ve had to share a bed with. It was still better than that time I got kidnapped by Ross.

Tony Potts: Did you get a bed?

Laura: No, just the stone floor and a very thin blanket. He was hoping it would break me faster. I’m pretty sure Phil punched him with the robotic hand for that.

Tony Potts: That seems like something Agent would do.

Laura: I think footage of that is the only reason why Clint ever forgave Phil.

Tony Potts: Understandable. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about Agent only telling me the truth because he needed me to keep the world from cracking apart. Especially considering he was terminally ill. It wasn’t the best experience.

Laura: I’m sure it wouldn’t be.

Laura: So, do you want to talk about the fact that even though you’re in the science zone, Steve can still contact you?

Tony Potts: Bruce needs me. I need to go.

Laura: You are so predictable. I’ll have Stevie bear text you when we’re on our way back.
To be continued…

Chapter Text

Afternoon March 26, 2018
Agent America: I just wanted to check on you before we leave. Have you made contact with Rambo yet?

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Not yet. I know where she is, and it is not in DC. Since Falcon is visiting his sister in the area, he will check for me since I can’t leave.

Agent America: I understand. I know if you could leave, you would be here.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: I would prefer to be with you, especially if you are flying an untested aircraft to an unknown planet.

Agent America: I trust the Princess and the crew. Most of them anyway.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Who’s going with you besides Leopold and Fitzsimmons Junior?

Agent America: Davis, Khan, and Chen. I wanted Piper, but she is busy elsewhere. Like you. Unfortunately, the president actually listens to you occasionally. You’re where you need to be.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Not very well. I’m hoping the phone call with the King this afternoon goes better.

Agent America: It probably won’t.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: I assume that will be the case. I’ve accepted that the real problem is he doesn’t know how to deal withdo this, so he is just pretending it’s not happening. This is completely out of scope for him.

Agent America: It usually makes it easier for us.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Usually. I’m not sure this time. The least he can do is acknowledge that Sword actually exists and connect me with the director via standard channels.

Agent America: I’m sure Falcon will make contact before Thursday.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: I hope so. This would be so much easier if Fury just showed up.

Agent America: It would be. Unfortunately, I don’t have a direct channel to the man anymore.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: You’re also going to be in deep space in about two hours. Hopefully.

Agent America: Deke promises we will still be able to pick up at least text-based messages once we get farther out. However, if I’m not able to attend Thursday’s call, be easy on my counterpart.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: It’s obvious you ran away from me.

Agent America: She ran away from you. She’s not me. To her, you’ve been gone for a very long time. Being confronted with another version of you is hard for her to process. You know I’m horrible at processing my emotions.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: You prefer to punch them. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I find it cute.

Agent America: You find everything I do cute. It’s annoying.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Usually, I find the things you do badass.

Agent America: You know who I am. But she’s a version of me that didn’t just lose you. She lost Daisy, Yo-Yo, Mack, Fitz, and even Bobbi. Not all of them will come back if this plan actually works.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: I promise to not take it personally when she runs away from me.

Agent America: Thank you.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Are you going to be able to go this entire mission without strangling Fitzsimmons Junior? I know you don’t want him there.

Agent America: I would prefer if he was in San Francisco or any mission without me. But we can’t put the location of this stone in writing. It’s our one advantage right now.

Agent America: Although if they start arguing again, I am Icing both of them.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: That seems fair. You do owe Leo for knocking you out that time.

Agent America: Exactly.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Is Fitzsimmons Junior going to try to contact his guardian friends again?

Agent America: After we make the first jump. Apparently, he’ll get a better signal away from Earth. Our technology is too primitive.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: He didn’t say that in front of Stark?

Agent America: No, because he’s on the Wakanda floor fawning over his boyfriend.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: I can feel you rolling your eyes in text message form. Hey, you marry that guy in another timeline. I’m sure you did your own fawning.

Agent America: Only because you weren’t there. Also, I don’t think I would ever fawn over anyone like that.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: I’m not mad. If something were to happen to Tony and me, I would be okay if you ended up together.

Agent America: I’m not planning to outlive you again.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Duly noted. I will make sure we go at the same time.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Do you wonder what their wedding was like? I wonder if they’re using the red and blue color scheme that Tony and Steve will use. Ana said they did not send any wedding pictures. I kinda want to see them.

Agent America: You’re really curious about this?

Acting Deputy Director Agent: I want to make sure our wedding in Tahiti was better. I thought you would too. You’re the competitive one of the two of us.

Agent America: It was everything I wanted, even if it was just us. I don’t want Steve; I just want you. I love you. I would do anything for you.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: You know the same goes for me. Have a safe trip, and don’t die out there.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: Or kill anybody on your team.

Agent America: I can only promise I won’t strangle Fitzsimmons junior. But icing is still on the table.

Acting Deputy Director Agent: I’ll take it.
XXXX
A few hours later

Purple Princess: Why did I want to be a teenager again? High school sucks, and I will have to do it all over again tomorrow, even though we’re in the middle of an apocalypse.

Purple Princess: Betty did a story today about how much of a psychopath Ruby’s mom is. All true, but the whole school doesn’t need to know this.

Purple Princess: At least she doesn’t know about the Hydra stuff, and I am not telling her.

Genius Princess: You ask that question at least once a month. I do not have a better answer than I did last time.

Genius Princess: Also, you really need to stop paying attention to Betty.

Purple Princess: Yes, but last time I wasn’t stuck in class instead of watching the launch of Zepar 3. Even Ned got to watch. Or I could be in San Francisco with you at the foundation right now. There’s so much going on right now. I feel like I’m being useless when I’m in class.

Genius Princess: I’m sure you’re not being useless. You were probably reading over the notes from the other timeline.

Purple Princess: I had Ana disguise it as Avengers fanfiction so I could read in class safely. She even added future fic tags. Although only the lower-level stuff.

Genius Princess: Smart.

Purple Princess: Did Dr. Pym show up? Shield really screwed that up the first time around.

Genius Princess: Yes. He is still looking over my research. As predicted by Scott of the beta timeline, he is reluctant to accept our help, even if it means rescuing his wife from the quantum realm. Most likely because of the many sins of old Shield.

Purple Princess: Not just Shield. Pym also hates us Starks in general.

Genius Princess: What did your grandfather do to him? I was forced to listen to a 20-minute lecture on how working with Starks never leads to anything good.

Purple Princess: Howard possibly stole Grandma Maria from him. The diaries were ambiguous. I’ll send you the passages because everything's been digitized. But hey, it worked out for the best because he wouldn't have met Janet otherwise.

Genius Princess: [six rolling eyes emojis]

Purple Princess: We know for sure that Howard was the one who ordered the Pyms to go on the mission where Janet Pym disappeared. They were business competitors for a while. That rivalry actually outlived Howard. He wasn’t a fan of Obadiah.

Genius Princess: Rightfully so.

Purple Princess: I’m sorry. Starks have fucked a lot of things up. Whatever Howard did is probably making this mission 100 times harder.

Genius Princess: Regional dDirector McKenzie believes he can get Pym to come around.

Purple Princess: It’s possible. Mack is really good at inspirational speeches. Also, as somebody who has quit Shield multiple times, he might be the best person to get through to Pym.

Genius Princess: It’s not the worst strategy. He already convinced Dr. Foster to work with us.

Purple Princess: That’s good, at least. I assume he wants help getting his daughter healthy.

Genius Princess: Yes. He also wants Shield to make reparations for their past sins.

Purple Princess: That seems fair.

Genius princess: What happened to Ava in the other timeline? I’m sure you read that part.

Purple Princess: She survived the decimation, but I don’t have anything else.

Genius Princess: They couldn’t send over everything.

Purple Princess: No, I really could. Before, I was in this body anyway. She just chose not to.

Genius Princess: Maybe she just sent what she thought we would actually use.

Purple Princess: Or, more likely, what Robin told her what to send. It would be what I would do.

Genius Princess: She’s you.

Purple Princess: Yes and no.

Genius Princess:?

Purple Princess: I was Friday, but I wasn’t that Friday. I’m not Friday now. I’m sure you have read the report from Wanda by now.

Genius Princess: Yes. Apparently, it’s a multiple-month process. Do you want to be human? I forgot to ask you that last time. If you don’t, I’m sure I can figure out some way to stop what Wanda is doing. She shouldn’t have turned you into her guinea pig without talking to you first.

Purple Princess: Yes. I want to grow old with my friends. I don’t want to outlive everybody I love.

Genius Princess: That could happen even if you are human. I have already lost my father.

Purple Princess: I know that. With what’s to come, I know we will lose more people. The beta timeline lost Yo-Yo and Coulson. Robin keeps drawing pictures of my people dying. But losing one or two is different than watching everybody die. That’s what’s going to happen if I stay an LMD.

Genius Princess: Who else do you see in the pictures?

Purple Princess: Natasha. She fell off a cliff. Also, Red Skull is in the background. I don’t get that part.

Genius Princess: I’ve seen this drawing. Robin did another version of it recently, but it’s not Natasha down there anymore.

Purple Princess: How can you tell?

Genius Princess: The hair isn’t red anymore. Although I’m not sure who is in the picture now. I think I made out a Shield patch.

Purple Princess: What does that mean?

Genius Princess: I don’t know.

Genius Princess: I have to go. Bobbi and Hunter are fighting. Could you have warned me that Hunter and his ex-wife act like 3-year-olds when they are in the same room together? I deeply regret asking them to get Hope on our side.

Purple Princess: I knew I forgot to mention something.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Late evening March 26, 2018, the gamma timeline

Mr. Leopold: It’s missions like this that remind me why we got divorced in the first place. I’m glad she’s going to be on the West Coast permanently.

Ana Junior: Because you fell in love with Leo?

Mr. Leopold: No, that’s why we didn’t get remarried. My other self really dodged a bullet with those ninjas. I feel like alcoholic Simmons would be an upgrade.

Mr. Leopold: Ana, could you delete that so my cuddle monkey doesn’t see it before he gets back.

Ana Junior: That is not possible.

Mr. Leopold: In that case, cuddle monkey, just ignore me. I’m texting you so I don’t stab the ex of a banshee with a salad fork. She did not need to talk smack about you working for SI even if it will ingratiate us with the Pyms.

Mr. Leopold: Although Hope likes us, so it isn’t all pointless.

Mr. Leopold: I hope the Princess’s tech works, and Robbie doesn’t have to portal to rescue your ass.

Chief monkey lover: We just survived our first jump, and we’re still intact. I’m also still getting communications from Earth. I do like your new code name.

Mr. Leopold: I thought you would. I picked it out mostly to annoy Bobbi.

Chief monkey lover: Sometimes it feels like you’re 12. Please tell me you didn’t actually tell Bobbi most of the stuff you just ranted about. Referring to her as a banshee doesn’t actually help anything. Especially if you’re 100% over her.

Mr. Leopold: I am 150% over her. I didn't tell her I would rather be with a depressed, still mourning you version of Simmons. Although, I did mention to Bobbi that my new and improved “fake” marriage is 1000 times better than the “real” one I had with her. And at least 50% more real because you don’t lie to me.

Chief monkey lover: This is why Aifa or Laura usually go with you when you do fundraising for the foundation. You have no filter or people skills.

Mr. Leopold: That might have been about when Yo-Yo pointed out that it’s not fake if we’re actually sleeping together and completely in love with one another.

Chief monkey lover: Especially when I really don’t exist, and all my documents are forgeries. Our marriage license is as real as anything else.

Mr. Leopold: You exist to me. I really hate that you’re going to be so far away, and I’m stuck trying to convince Hope Pym to work with us for the sake of humanity. With Bobbi as my backup. We haven’t actually worked together on a mission since you and I got together.

Chief monkey lover: Not Hope’s father?

Mr. Leopold: That’s Mack’s problem. Pym really hates Stark and, by extension, SI. He doesn’t exactly want to break bread with the husband of a guy working for the enemy. Or one of SI’s new sciences.

Chief monkey lover: What did Tony do to him?

Mr. Leopold: Howard, not Tony. We’re trying to point out we’re not Howard Stark. However, Ava being in her current predicament due to Shield fuckery is not helping things. Especially since Tony is the new head of Shield. You read what happened the first time.

Chief monkey lover: Yes. Shield really screwed up, and we can’t blame Hydra for everything. The organization was flawed from the beginning.

Mr. Leopold: Because it was always corrupt.

Chief monkey lover: Yes, honestly, this is why I am happier at SI. The ATCU is trying to improve, but I’m not sure if that’s possible. Being more social work focused is a start. I’m not sure if it’s enough.

Mr. Leopold: Yet you’re technically on a mission right now. Fitzsimmons could have gone on the retrieval mission instead of masquerading as you for the next couple of days. I feel like there’s a stronger chance he won’t strangle the nephew or the other way around.

Chief monkey lover: Simmons is pregnant. I know this mission will go well, but if it doesn’t, I don’t want baby Fitzsimmons to grow up without a dad. He should stay on Earth.

Chief monkey lover: Deke is a mess because he lost his mother early. Let’s avoid that.

Mr. Leopold: He lost your daughter at a young age. I feel like that’s something we should talk about.

Chief monkey lover: Not mine, some variant of mine’s child. I’m not going to have children. Besides, you don’t want them, and I’ve accepted that. Therefore Deke is not my grandson.

Mr. Leopold: I specifically said I didn’t want kids with Bobbi. I didn’t say anything about you. So that’s the real reason you’re refusing to acknowledge your relationship with Deke? Not that you hate him?

Chief monkey lover: He took care of Simmons while I was gone, so I can’t hate him. I think he hates me.

Mr. Leopold: I’m glad you’re willing to acknowledge that.

Chief monkey lover: I let you call him my nephew. I didn’t correct you earlier. But I’m not his grandfather.

Mr. Leopold: Okay, not his grandfather, but you could be a grandfather.

Chief monkey lover: You have to have a kid first to be a grandfather.

Mr. Leopold: We could have kids. They wouldn’t be a baby Fitzsimmons, but they would be ours. You have excellent health insurance that covers surrogacy. Even if you didn't, we could afford it out of pocket. You have invested very wisely over the last year and a half. We also have half of the patent money. If you don’t want to do that, there’s always adoption. We could take in a special needs child. I don’t think child welfare services hate us as much as they hated Tony. So, we probably wouldn’t need Wanda’s intervention, but that’s an option too.

Chief monkey lover: By special needs, you mean an inhuman child?

Mr. Leopold: Yes. Many inhuman children have turned up in the system. We would actually be equipped to deal with a child that can turn themselves invisible when they’re scared. If we can deal with the purple guy, we can deal with that.

Chief monkey lover: Maybe. I still don’t know how Tony deals with the Spiders and Purple Princess. The times we babysat have been exhausting enough.

Mr. Leopold: May helps some. It’s easier with two people, and we are two people.

Mr. Leopold: May Parker, not our May.

Chief monkey lover: You want to raise a kid with me, yet you don’t want to acknowledge that we’re married?

Mr. Leopold: Marriage is temporary. Children are forever. And I want forever with you.

Chief monkey lover: I’m going to need you to explain your logic.

Mr. Leopold: My first marriage fell apart spectacularly, multiple times. It wasn't because we didn't love each other enough because I loved Bobbi. A part of me still does because I cried when I found out she was dusted in the Beta timeline. One of my reasons for being here is to make sure we bring her back. As well as make sure we don’t lose gamma Bobbi. I say silly shite about her, but I don’t want her dead.

Chief monkey lover: I know.

Mr. Leopold: But Bobbi and I together does not work. Not long-term. Not like you and me. You can’t build a relationship on lies. I didn’t actually know who Bobbi was until after the wedding. Let’s just say technically, I could’ve got an annulment instead of the divorce, but I didn’t for her safety.

Chief monkey lover: You didn’t know she was a Shield agent until after you got married? That doesn’t seem right. I thought you said you knew.

Mr. Leopold: I knew that much, but I didn’t know our entire first meeting was a mission. Our first hook-up was a mission. I feel like you would’ve told me the truth before you kissed me for the first time.

Chief monkey lover: Yes, because I’m horrible at undercover work. There would’ve been a 50-50 chance I threw up on you before the first kiss.

Mr. Leopold: Says the guy who’s been living as James Leopold for a year and a half.

Chief monkey lover: Being at Stark industries is not undercover. It is a new identity. I am James Leopold. I’m not even sure if I can really be Leo Fitz again, even if there wasn’t already one here. I feel too different, especially with all of the Doctor’s memories in my mind. I’ve lived a different life. Two of them.

Mr. Leopold: And I know about all those lives. Our relationship isn’t built on lies. I know things about you that no one else does.

Chief monkey lover: I’m sure Simmons knows most of it. And possibly Daisy. Actually, she knows a few things Simmons doesn’t.

Mr. Leopold: Mostly about our sex life. Neither of them knows about the Doctor, though. At least not beyond the superficial. He’s a part of you.

Chief monkey lover: The worst part.

Mr. Leopold: But he’s not. He’s the one who gets stuff done. He is the leader. The one who set in motion this entire plan to save the world.

Chief monkey lover: Which may or may not work.

Mr. Leopold: It will work. I have complete faith in you.

Chief monkey lover: Have you made any progress with the Pyms?

Mr. Leopold: Yes, with Junior, but I’m not sure because Bobbi just kicked me out. At least this makes it easier for me to text you.

Chief monkey lover: This is not shocking at all.

Mr. Leopold: The dinner probably would’ve gone better if she didn’t call me a Stepford husband in a fake relationship. Thankfully she did that in the car, not in front of Hope and Scott.

Mr. Leopold: BTW, Sharon is doing a great job keeping the feds away from us.

Chief monkey lover: You call our marriage fake all the time.

Mr. Leopold: Our marriage, not our relationship. Our relationship is real. Our marriage is fake because we didn’t even have a ceremony. Just that photoshoot.

Chief monkey lover: Because you didn’t want one. I wanted one.

Mr. Leopold: Your dad showed up at your brother’s wedding and shot you. So that turns a guy off of the wedding concept. But I wouldn’t be against exchanging some vows once this apocalypse is over. Then we can move on to deciding between surrogacy and adoption.

Chief monkey lover: That just gives me more incentive to come back to you. Despite the fact, I’m worried about becoming Alistair.

Mr. Leopold: Impossible. We’ve babysat Miles enough for me to know better.

Chief monkey lover: Hey, we have another jump soon, so I need to help with that. We’re taking the roundabout route in case we are being tracked. We haven’t gotten an update from the other team about the purple man, so we are being cautious.

Mr. Leopold: That makes sense. Do you think you’ll get a message after the next jump?

Chief monkey lover: Possibly, and then we will forward it to Earth. Keep me updated on your progress. If we get something on the soul planet, I will feel better if it’s in the other timeline.

Mr. Leopold: We are working on it. I promise to keep you updated.

Chief monkey lover: Although maybe things will go better if you apologize to Bobbi.

Mr. Leopold: I’m not the one that needs to apologize.

Chief monkey lover: So, I just got a video from Yo-Yo. I now know why you got kicked out of dinner. I don’t blame her because you were an absolute prat. I would’ve thrown the wine on you too.

Mr. Leopold: I’m willing to acknowledge inappropriate things were said on both sides. We shouldn't be in the same country, let alone working on the same mission.

Chief monkey lover: The potential loss of half the life in the universe is coming. We no longer have the luxury of keeping both of you separate. If I have to be on Zephyr 3 with Deke, who absolutely despises me for abandoning Simmons for the next who knows how many days, you can work through your Bobbi issues. Preferably without more wine being tossed at one another.

Mr. Leopold: I hate when you are logical. Fine, I will apologize to Bobbi, but you and Deke need to work on everything.

Chief monkey lover: You just had to turn that around on me?

Mr. Leopold: Someone has to. Love you. Don’t die out there.

Chief monkey lover: I love you too. I won’t. Don’t die either.

Mr. Leopold: I’ll try not to.
XXXX

“Hope is going to talk to her father,” Bobbi said as she slid into the seat next to him. He’s been waiting in the van for her for the last 20 minutes.

“Thank God.”

“So we probably need to be prepared to do the rescue tomorrow.”

“The Princess will be ready,” Hunter replied. “It’s what we’re here for. We were planning to do that with or without full cooperation.”

“Yes, but now Yo-Yo doesn’t have to steal the particles first.”

“That’s true.” Hunter was glad they would not have to do that because he was sure it would backfire spectacularly.

“Did you get ahold of your boyfriend?” Bobbi asked.

“Actually, yes. The first jump was successful. Also, Deke is still alive, so at least they still have the info they need to complete the mission.”

“Good. We were all worried about that.” Bobbi remarked.

“I’m well aware I have a better relationship with my step-grandson than my husband.” Hunter side. “I feel like Deke is more likely to punch out Leo than the other way around. Mistakes were made on both sides. However, it's May we usually have to worry about.”

“You finally acknowledge that you’re married to Leo.” He looked over to see Bobbi smile.

“Do you want me to acknowledge it? It seems like you’ve been angry at me for moving on. You said my relationship was fake barely half an hour ago.” Hunter tried very hard to keep the anger out of his voice, but it was impossible.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m not angry you’re with someone else. I just prefer not to be around you. At least until I can fully accept that it’s truly over. Apparently, we were still together in the Beta timeline when the snap happened." At this moment, Hunter is really happy Bobbi knows nothing about his variant's relationship with Beta timeline Simmons. That would make things even more awkward. All of that was omitted from the reports she had access to; thank you, Friday 2023.

“I don’t necessarily think that was for the best. Maybe it’s all the quality time with Dr. Margarita, but I don’t think the back and forth hate sex was good for either of us. I want you to be happy, and I don’t think I ever made you happy.” Hunter confessed reluctantly.

“Sometimes you did.”

“But not like you needed me too. You deserve better.” Hunter acknowledged.

“So do you. I think I eventually realized I wasn’t who you needed, so I left.” Bobbi told him.

“So it wasn’t you leaving because you no longer believed in the mission?” Hunter asked.

“I always believed in the mission. However, the mission is now making sure we bring my other self back so beta timeline Bobbi can have a happy ending.”

“So I should let you know that my counterpart is dating Simmons in the other timeline.” Why did he just blurt that out?

“I am not even surprised. Poly relationship after we bring everyone back?” Bobbi smirked again.

“I am hopeful, but I suck at relationships. So who knows.”

“I feel like you’re getting better.”

“If we successfully survive this, Leo and I plan to renew our vows. Hopefully, there will be no ninjas or terrorist groups attacking.”

“I don’t think it counts as a renewal if you never made it down the aisle in the first place.”

“True.”

“Am I invited?”

“Only if you want to be there. Although I promise to put you at the good table.”

“Good, I’ll be there.”

“I’m sorry for being a wanker earlier.”

“Your husband made you apologize?” Bobbi asked.

“Yes.”

“This is why I like him.”

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Beta timeline October 17, 2023, late evening in Norway

Cuddle bunny: Hey, I just thought I should let you know that we’re planning to leave around 7 AM local time. I already have my alarm set.

Tony: Which means you’ll probably get here around 5 or 6 AM local time. I love when I pick up time.

Cuddle bunny: I’m not a fan. I think the trip was beneficial. We did get a lot of stuff already from Thor. He even stopped drinking long enough to write everything down to avoid missing details. Did Friday ever figure out if there is actually a way for us to send messages to the gamma timeline before Thursday? As Melinda predicted, what we have is very time-sensitive.

Tony: Of course, it’s time-sensitive. He wants to save his brother. This means the sooner the other timeline gets it, the more time they have to act on it.

Cuddle bunny: I think saving Loki is the only reason Thor is helping us. He wrote a letter to the other Thor, but Friday won’t let us read it.

Tony: Yep, she has very strict instructions. I can’t read James Leopold’s letter to Simmons. Although I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even had time to read my own letter until today. I forget to do things when I’m in the science zone.

Cuddle bunny: I’m still amazed you had time to talk to me.

Tony: You are more important. Although if I realized he was giving me love and life advice, I might have looked at it earlier.

Cuddle bunny: What did he say?

Tony: Raising teenagers is hard, and even he doesn’t know how he managed to get with you. Gamma timeline Tony is just grateful. Hey, Friday, am I allowed to send the letter to Steve?

Friday: Yes, but only to Captain Rogers. We can send/receive messages periodically from the other timeline but cannot communicate continuously until Thursday to answer your previous question. Lila Barton has sent a new letter to her mother.

Cuddle bunny: I will tell Laura to check her mail.

Tony: Friday, sweetie, can you push the Thor notes to the other timeline as soon as possible.

Cuddle bunny: I also have some notes from my interviews with Korg and Valkyrie that should be added.

Tony: I think Brucie bear also made some addendums to his account.

Friday: I will transfer all relevant data files as soon as feasible. There should be a three-second transmission window within the next hour.

Tony: You’re the best baby girl.

Friday: I also forwarded your letter to Captain Rogers.

Cuddle bunny: You know it’s still May-Rogers. Although I’d prefer you just call me Steve. Or, at a minimum, Mr. May-Rogers.

Tony: So, you’re not dropping your married name?

Cuddle bunny: I think I want to keep it for the kids. I don’t know what May is planning to do. Also, this cuts down on the Mr. Rogers jokes.

Tony: lol. I understand. Have you guys talked since leaving Sunday?

Cuddle bunny: A little. We have exchanged a couple of text messages. Mostly to let Melinda know where I am and how the mission has been going. I know we need to talk because of work, but it’s complicated. I realize she’s right, but I’m not ready to acknowledge what that means.

Tony: Unfortunately, it will be awkward for a while. There is no magical cure for this.

Cuddle bunny: I figured.

Tony: It does get better. Despite how badly I fucked up, Pepper and I are in a good place now.

Tony: Which reminds me, Friday, can you send Steve all of the pictures Pepper sent me of the kids.

Cuddle bunny: They are adorable. I hope May and I get to a place where we can co-parent like that.

Tony: You and I are getting married in the gamma timeline. That proves anything is possible in the relationship department.

Cuddle bunny: I still wonder how that happened.

Tony: As I said earlier, gamma timeline Tony is still mystified, but I think it might’ve been talking to one another.

Tony: And therapy. Lots of therapy.

Cuddle bunny: It really was all relationship stuff? Not anything mission-related?

Tony: That was what our original Fitz sent. That was essentially a step-by-step account of everything he did in the other timeline. He was actually keeping a journal. We had a long-distance mentor-mentee type of relationship in this timeline before his disappearance. However, he’s much closer to me now in the gamma timeline. I read that Sunday night while you were helping me go through the Simmons time travel notes. Although maybe I neglected to read the letter from myself because I was afraid of what gamma timeline Tony would tell me.

Tony: Although I feel that if it was actually mission-related, Friday would have forced me to read it Sunday.

Friday: I would have, Sir. However, I was informed it was not mission-critical. You could read the letter from Acting Director Stark-Rogers at your leisure.

Tony: That is so strange.

Cuddle bunny: Our names together?

Tony: No, that looks perfectly normal. It just seems so strange that I left SI behind to be the director of Shield. Granted, it was to get you a pardon, but still, I can’t believe somebody made me the head of a government agency. Even with Damage Control, I stayed on the sidelines. It was more of a public-private partnership.

Cuddle bunny: I’m not. You’re good at what you do. Friday, did we get anything new?

Friday: Not at this time.

Cuddle bunny: I am not surprised. I’m going to read the letter now.

Tony: You do that, my kumquat.

XXXXX
Dear other me:

I’ve been “acting” director of the ATCU/Shield for about a year, and I didn’t think I would be writing that. (Note to self come up with something better like maybe variant.) Really, I should know better. Of course, time travel is a thing. Apparently, we need each other to make sure our timeline doesn’t lose half of the population. I would write more about that plan, but I just know the basics. I should be reading the background briefer. However, I’d prefer to reach out to you since I’ve just been informed that we can communicate. As soon as we’re not in the middle of multiple apocalypses, I’m looking over the schematics.

I’m sure by now you know I got the man. (I am well aware that’s a miracle.) Although I heard your path led you to Morgan, who is adorable. I always wondered what a baby Pepperony would look like. None of the artists on Freaking Cool got it quite right. I think they would love to find out that their ship ended up with a kid at least in one timeline.

I don’t regret the path I took, and neither should you. It took us to different places, but I think we both needed to get there. I wouldn’t give Afia up for anything. I think Wanda is turning her into a “real girl,” not that she isn’t one already. She is to me. I believe Wanda sees giving me a teenage daughter as a punishment for my many sins. Or maybe she decided that she just wants a sister-in-law, and me
getting a kid is just a byproduct? I don’t know, and I know better than to ask too many questions.

I’m happy with how things are, even if teenagers are exhausting. Especially Flash. He broke up with his asshole boyfriend last Friday, and I am concerned. We are so busy I can’t even talk to him about it. That would be great if you could get Flash out of his house. He’s 18, so it might be easier.

You’re going to have to look to everybody else’s notes for guidance on what’s going on because I don’t even know what’s going on. Ana suggested that I write to you, and Steve backed her up. My fiancé and my AI are in league together.

I have questions. But I won’t ask any questions that I think I can find the answers to in the data dump. How exactly did Deke end up your chief creative officer? I found that more unbelievable than the kid despite still being sterile in this timeline. I think I pieced together how that happened, and despite the personal cost, I don’t want that to happen here. I’m not going to ask about Pepper. Apparently, we’re both sober, and let’s keep it that way.

You’re probably wondering how Steve and I got together. That’s OK. I still wonder how we managed to get over all our bullshit. I will say sobriety helped, so you’re already halfway there. It also took a lot of open communication and a lot of therapy. We even do couples therapy now. We’re still a fucking mess, but we are a fucking mess that’s together.

So talk to each other. Don’t keep things in your head because that leads to fuckups like Siberia. Especially with what we’re going into. But no matter how hard it was to get to this point, it was worth it.

Also, accept that the past is the past, and you can’t change it. You can make a new timeline, apparently, but the old one is still there. The only thing you can change is what happens next. So, let’s try to make a better future for both timelines.

I’ve just been informed by May that we are landing. So I have to cut this short.
XXXX
Cuddle bunny: You’re right. It mainly was relationship advice. Although I think he’s also telling us not to regret how things turned out.

Tony: Also, I have to figure out how to get Flash out of an obviously abusive home. Although his parents divorced after the decimation, so he might not be going back to the same abusive home.

Cuddle bunny: You’re planning to get Morgan a foster brother?

Tony: He’s 18, so not that but possibly another paid intern. From what Peter has told me, I think he’s enough of an asshole that he can bug the hell out of Baker.

Cuddle bunny: Was Peter actually getting paid?

Tony: OK, that’s on my list of things to fix.

Tony: This is becoming a very long list.

Cuddle bunny: I will help you.

Tony: Good to know.
XXXX
Hey mom:

I still miss you. I hate that you’re not here. But I know what you’re doing is really important.

We are in Malta now and will be here until the current crisis is over, whenever that might be. Dad came with us. Aunt Natasha wanted him to go with Aunt May on her space adventure, but Aunt May said no. She didn’t want Dr. Leopold to go either, but he’s her boss now, so he overruled her.

It’s for the best that dad is here because otherwise, I would strangle Connor. He’s still being an ass because he thinks he’s too old to be here. Are you sure that we’re actually related? He’s an idiot.

BTW Connor lost Nikki at the airport. May PR found Nikki hiding in the ventilation shaft. She says it’s easy because at least he doesn’t turn invisible. Spidey II says he doesn’t do that anymore.

Dad and Ms. Parker-Riley may have spent the entire flight to Malta sharing stories and getting into the good wine. Apparently, this was not the sober jet. We took a normal private plane instead of the quinjet.

Although I don’t know if you can really consider it normal when there’s a 3D printer that can make uniforms. Ana let us design a possible uniform for K and Spidey II, but we couldn’t print them. All uniforms must be approved by our liaison. Even though you’re in a different universe right now, is that still you?

I may have designed something for myself, just in case. It’s purple. Also, I may have developed my own trick arrows. Something involving purple goo. Dad is not using them anymore, and who knows what we will need.

Right now, it’s just the core group of “baby avengers,” but I think Spidey II’s mom will send some of the little kids from Puerto Rico as well. At a minimum, his cousin. This is why I’m in Afia’s room instead of one of the guest rooms. Uncle Tony said we could stay in the family section.

Anyway, I miss you, and I hope you get back soon. I know things are going to get worse. We wouldn’t be sent away otherwise. I’m not happy about it either, but I understand. It’s easier for aunts Natasha and May to go off to save the world when they don’t have to worry about us kids being collateral damage. I’m aware of what Ross tried to do with us.

PS: Can I please make this outfit? I would feel safer having my own outfit.

PSS: Nikki misses you and is very bored. Afia may have lost a stuffed animal.
XXXX
Agent Laura: Hey, I got another letter from Lila. I’m sending it to you if you want to read it, along with her mockup for her new superhero outfit. I want to say no, but the practical side of me would rather have her in Stark armor just in case. The same for the other kids

Agent Laura: I just realized that because I’m using a regular Stark phone, the kids’ names are not being automatically redacted if I slip up. Although maybe the code isn’t as necessary here.

Clint: I just read and saw the pictures. It’s weird seeing Stark referred to as Uncle Tony. Also, I should have never given her archery lessons. That looks like my old Shield uniform with more purple. It won’t protect her from the purple menace, but it can keep her safe from some of his henchmen.

Agent Laura: It’s Afia’s color scheme. Her code name is Purple Princess. Stark’s daughter is Lila’s role model. It’s not all your fault. Your gamma timeline variant also gave her his old Shield arrow bag since he is “permanently retired.” [Six rolling eyes emojis followed by two frustrated emojis]

Clint: That seems like a mistake. I only told her the fun stories, and now she wants to be a superhero. I should've told her about hiding in a ceiling vent for three days with just protein bars, the bad ones.

Agent Laura: I think it’s more likely Natasha’s self-defense lessons. It’s only gotten more intense since May took over. All the kids are in self-defense training. There’s also the fact that we now live at the Avengers compound. She also hangs out with Piper a lot.

Clint: I assume the self-defense lessons became more of a necessity after Ross kidnapped you?

Agent Laura: Yes, especially because the kids became a target. It’s part of the reason why we live on the compound, and I commute to Midtown when I’m working there. Although Cooper wants to go to Midtown next year instead of dealing with the tutors.

Clint: I love our child, but I’m not sure Cooper qualifies for a science magnet school.

Agent Laura: Tony would just need to donate the right amount of money, but I’m still against it. It would also paint another target on his back. We can’t prove it, but we think the multiple attacks on Midtown have not all been watchdog-related. Ross’s fingerprints are everywhere. The principal wants Tony to pull his kids and put them in private school/tutoring next year. He’s the only one that doesn’t think the money is worth it. He is former Shield from the Academy.

Friday: It is possible that then-President Ross was responsible for the attempted kidnapping of Morgan Stark at age 6 months. Unfortunately, it could not be proven.

Agent Laura: Now I am thankful May took over self-defense training with all the kids. Which might’ve been why Nate knows how to hide in the vents.

Clint: So am I. I deeply regret not adding Ross to my list.

Agent Laura: Did you read the first letter as well? What list?

Clint: I don’t know if the first message counts as a letter since it mostly tells you to watch the video.

Agent Laura: She also complained about Cooper a lot. Sometimes I feel like I should’ve kept the baby and sent Cooper to Malibu instead. Did you watch the video?

Clint: Yes. They look the same as how I remember them, but they are different simultaneously. More designer labels. Cooper seems angrier.

Agent Laura: Probably because he is. It’s been a difficult two years. Ross kidnapping me left scars. I don’t think this separation has been easy on anybody. Lila understands what’s going on and is pragmatic about it. Although I know she wants us to work things out and get back together.

Clint: Do you think you will work everything out?

Agent Laura: I don’t know. There are things that the gamma timeline Clint needs to deal with.

Clint: I think this experience will be the kick in the head that he needs.

Agent Laura: I hope you’re right.
XXXX

Dear asshole:

It's your older but not necessarily wiser self. I would be smacking you upside the head if I was actually there. Please get your head out of your ass and work things out with Laura. Being without her and our children is worse than anything you can imagine. This includes getting mind fucked by Loki and finding out that longtime colleagues are actually working for Hydra. I wouldn’t want to go through it voluntarily.

Yet you are being a fucking moron hiding out in Malibu at Stark’s other house for reasons I don’t understand. If you’re that upset about Laura killing a member of the watchdogs, you will hate me since I killed most of them. I enjoyed stabbing them through their hearts. That was just the beginning. I’ve done worse things than killing a terrorist to protect young children. Many of them were before the timeline split, which means you’ve done worse things.

Let’s get to the heart of the issue. You are upset that Laura had to make a deal with the devil to free you, a.k.a. going back to Shield after dropping out of the Academy years ago. I’ve known this version of Laura for less than two weeks, and I know she did what she had to do to protect your children. It wasn’t all about you. Not everything is.

Do you blame yourself for Ross kidnapping her? For coming after the children? Is that why you’re staying away? Because I’m going to tell you that won’t change things. In this timeline, he went after a baby Morgan because Tony took a stand against the inhuman Internment camps. Friday doesn’t have proof, but I can find it.

I don’t want you to become me. More importantly, you don’t want to become me. Get your shit together before it’s too late.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Dear Jemma:

I’m sorry. I don’t know any other way to start this letter than with an apology. I really am sorry. Although I'm sure, those words seemed empty to you. I should’ve checked to see if I caused a timeline branch. I just assumed I was overwriting the original timeline. That there was no way for me to go home. In hindsight, obviously, I was wrong.

You always said to make the best of the situation you find yourself in. That’s what I tried to do. That meant preventing this world from breaking apart and then stopping the purple monster from snapping us out of existence. We are still working on that. Although at least we have help, and we know what not to do.

I hope my choices make things better. The accords are gone. I also don’t think inhuman internment camps will happen here. Coulson is still alive and with May. Our other selves are married and just celebrated their first wedding anniversary today. Alastair attempted to crash that and try to kill me. Don’t worry, he’s dead now.

I’m very thankful Alastair will never get to meet his brand-new grandbaby on the way. I found out yesterday that Simmons is pregnant. I’m pleased about becoming an uncle. I don’t think Hunter and I will ever have children. So this is the closest I will get to having a kid. It’s for the best anyway, with me being the CCO of Stark industries and running the UN Avengers in my spare time. How would I make time? I don’t want to be an absentee parent.

Plus, Hunter never wanted to have kids with Bobbi. He even offered to have a vasectomy. So, we’re just going to be the best uncles. It will be enough. Hunter is enough.

I’m not sorry for Hunter. Not for being with him and not for falling in love with him. I don't think you'll hold that part against me. It makes it easier knowing that you're with him too in the other timeline. That you understand what I see in him. We always had very similar taste in men. It makes complete sense that we’re with the same man.

The fact that I moved forward doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Because I always will. You are part of me. But I love Hunter too. I’m hoping that you really understand that. His charm grows on a person.

That being said, I miss you. I adore the Simmons here. She is my dear friend and sister-in-law, but I don’t see her as you. She may be a variant of you, but she is not you. Our experiences make us who we are. I never did propose to her on a Space station in the future. You and gamma timeline Simmons are definitely not the same. I always call her Simmons, but you are my Jemma.

As much as I miss you, I know I need to stay here in this timeline. More importantly, I don’t want to go back, not permanently at least. I know I am hurting you by saying that. I don’t want to, but I know I will. I can’t leave Hunter. Again, I’m sorry.

I take solace in the fact that there is another version of me in your timeline. I’m going to do everything in my power to bring him back to you and Hunter. I owe you that much. Maybe together, you can have the happy ending that you deserve. I want you and your Hunter to have that.

PS:  Hunter, I trust you completely. I always have. Don’t worry about my other self coming back. The feelings were there before I was frozen. I just didn’t contemplate there was an option where I could be with both of you. Prove other me wrong.

Xxx

Evening October 17, 2023, Avenger Compound

beta timeline

“Why didn’t you give this to me when it arrived?” Simmons asked, looking up from her Stark pad. They were sitting in her room in the medical wing. Dr. Cruz wasn’t ready for her to move back into her old room. Neither was Jemma, if she was honest with herself. She might just stay with Hunter once she’s released. She’s happier there in his room.

“Because I wanted you to at least make it to two days sober. And even I wanted a drink after reading this Sunday night.” Hunter told her.

“You can. I don’t expect you to abstain as well.”

“No, we’re in this together. I even got rid of my emergency glass.” Hunter wrapped his fingers around hers.

“Because I already got rid of your emergency alcohol. You haven’t restocked it in at least a year.” Jemma pointed out.

“I may have gotten tired of you nicking the good stuff. Also, I realized it’s probably best not to have alcohol around when your boss is a recovering alcoholic. He has bad days too.”

“I know. I’m glad Tony decided not to go to Norway. I rather he be here so I could talk to him instead of dealing with the Thor issue.” Simmons is well aware she’s not the only one in this group with problems. But she wants Tony to herself right now.

“It’s still something we have to deal with just here instead of in Norway. He’ll be here in the morning.” Hunter explained.

“Probably in the bed next to mine.”

“I don’t know if he’s ready for that yet. I think he’s coming more to help prevent his brother’s death in the other timeline than to get well.”

“It doesn’t work if you’re not ready to commit. You think that if you fix the thing that went wrong, you’ll be OK, but it doesn’t work that way.” She realizes that now after going through the hell that is detox.

“Don’t think about that. Just focus on you.”

“I became obsessed with fixing what happened. If I got Fitz back, then everything would be OK. I didn't consider that maybe he wouldn't want to come back.”

He chose Hunter over her. Maybe if it was someone else, she would be furious. But she can’t be angry that he fell in love with Hunter because that would make her a hypocrite.

“I think he would’ve come back if there wasn’t the other Fitz.” Hunter started rubbing gentle circles on her back.

“No, he loves you too much to leave you. I understand that.” Jemma whispered.

“Would you feel different if it was someone else?” Hunter asked.

“He would come back if it was anybody else. But it is you that he fell in love with. I love you, so I understand. I don’t want to leave you either. Not when we get our Fitz back.” She told him as much before but not sober.

“You love me?” Hunter asked, confused. Jemma honestly doesn’t remember if she’s told him that before. If she did, he obviously didn’t believe her because she was inebriated at the time. That’s another consequence of her alcoholism.

“I have for a while. It’s just taken me a while to reconcile that. How could I love you if I still love Fitz? How can I have feelings for both of you? Does that mean I'm letting him go or giving up hope of ever getting him back? Every time I started to feel something for you, I would feel guilty. Then I would just throw myself harder into the project.” She confessed.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s OK.” Hunter pulled her into a hug.

“I’m starting to realize that. Working with Dr. Cruz is helping.” Her father was wrong. It helped to actually deal with problems, not lock them away.

“Is knowing that he’s alive in the other timeline helping?” Hunter asked.

“It does. It’s better for him to be happy with someone else in another timeline than be dead.”

“True,” Hunter placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Dr. Cruz thinks I should write to him. She made the suggestion before you even showed me the letter. She believes it will give me closure.” She makes a face at the word closure. Just saying the word makes her think of Ward even though it’s been years since he died.

“Do you want to write to him?” Hunter asked.

“Not yet. I need a little more time, but I think you should write Fitz.” Jemma suggested.

“Why? I’m a little annoyed at him. He didn’t even write a letter to me, just added a postscript to your letter. I feel like I should have my own letter.” Jemma laughed at his words.

“You should tell him that. You should also tell him that you didn’t want to have kids with Bobbi, but that was because of Bobbi. You actually do want children because you love children.”

“How do you know that?” Hunter asked, surprised.

“In addition to not freaking out when I told you about my pregnancy scare, you never offered to get a vasectomy. Maybe you should have because I’m a drunk mess.”

“You’re in recovery.”

“I am still a mess. I’m still a drunk. I’m just a sober drunk right now.”

“You’re trying. That’s what matters to me. I’m not leaving you behind. I’ll support you any way you need me to.” He pulled her closer to him again.

“I believe that. OK, I need you to write to Fitz because I’m not ready yet. I’m not even ready to write to Deke, let alone Fitz. However, I want him to have a response from us even if it’s not from me,” Jemma explained.

“I will write to him for you.” Hunter leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips this time. “Just so you know, there’s a video too.”

“I’m not ready to watch that yet." She's not ready to see him happy and in love with someone else, even if she loves the same person. “Maybe before I write my letter but not yet.”

“I understand.”

Xxx

Dear Fitz:

Be grateful the letter didn’t start with “dear arsehole.” I should have got my own letter. You’re probably disappointed it’s me writing this instead of Simmons, but she’s not ready to talk to you yet. She's not even prepared to write to Deke yet. Neither I nor her therapist Dr. Cruz will force her to do something she's not ready for yet.

She just got out of detox because Jemma finally agreed to get help for her drinking problem. I’m sure Deke told you how bad it’s gotten. We’re focusing on that right now. Although knowing that you’re alive in the other timeline is helping her move forward. I know it’s helping me.

I was told to specifically let you know that Jemma accepts your apology. I accept it, too, although I’m still a little annoyed. You really should have checked, but I’m not angry at you for that, not entirely. I'm just upset that Simmons was in pain for so long.

Even if you’re not coming back, knowing that you're not dead is helping. We both grieved you. Jemma because she lost the love of her life. In my case, I lost the love that could’ve been. In some ways, that's a more complex loss to process. You’re always grieving what could’ve been.

I had feelings for you before you froze yourself to go to the future. There was a reason I got you out of jail. You probably thought I was joking when I told you I loved you, but I wasn’t. I think that’s going to be the first thing I say to your variant once we undo the snap and defrost him. Or maybe Jemma and I will kiss him at the same time. How are we going to go about convincing Fitz 3 to join us?         

You might want to have the kids talk with gamma timeline me again without making assumptions or reading more into what the other party is saying. I did not want to have kids with Bobbi, but that doesn't mean I didn't want kids. I think I realized back then already that our dynamic was toxic. I am sure you know I came from a broken home, and I wouldn’t want to put my own children through that. Marriage is temporary; children are forever. I always knew Bobbi and I would not last forever. I think you and my counterpart have better odds.

The fact you are worried about how your schedule would impact the child tells me that you would make an effort to be there. Stark industries is much more family-friendly than you think it is. Or at least I know Pepper would make it family-friendly. Of course, she might be that way because she has a child. The board are dicks, unfortunately. Although you have the non-evil members still alive. I’m sure they would help with keeping Baker under control. Unfortunately, he survived the snap. I heard Friday’s sent Deke all of Baker's complaints. He hates dealing with Pepper or really strong women in general.

I could be in a completely different place psychologically than my other self when it comes to kids after being the Stark nanny for the last four years. I wasn’t planning on being a nanny, but I needed something to keep me tethered. After the first nanny barely survived a kidnapping attempt, it was decided that a former spy/mercenary was a better nanny choice. May recommended me, and here I am.

Morgan has made my biological clock tick a little faster, but I think it’s always been ticking. I just knew better than to bring a baby into the universe with Bobbi. I don’t have that same apprehension with you or Simmons, for that matter. I do hope treatment works. Pepper has a lot of scars from her mother’s alcoholism. I would like for my own child to avoid those.

PS: Please let the grandkid know that Nana is getting clean. She also misses him a lot. So he better get back here. Detox took a lot out of her, so she’s not really ready to talk right now.

XXXX

Evening Wednesday, March 21, 2018 gamma timeline

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Hey, just sending a text because I don’t want to interrupt you since you are working in the lab, but I finally heard from the guardians.

Chief monkey lover: And?

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Only Quill actually believes us completely. However, G knows her father too well. She finds it plausible that he would kill her to get the “ring pop.” Therefore she’s willing to help us keep them away from him. Rocket just wants us to pay. Most of the others are indifferent.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: OK, I think Groot told me to go fuck myself in Groot speak, but it's hard to know in text-based communication. Tone and facial gestures are significant components of the language.

Chief monkey lover: Does this surprise you?

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Even though Rocket is the only one I’ve actually spent any time with, I’m not. It’s actually why we arranged for payment.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I feel like I’m getting condescending eyes from here. They are helping. That’s what matters. Look, some people save the world out of the goodness of their hearts because they can. Others do it because it puts food on the table. Honestly, I can respect that more because goodness is fleeting.

Chief Monkey lover: I get that.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I don’t think you do. They’re going to check the Collector’s fortress for us. Don’t be so concerned with why they’re doing it.

Chief: I’ll send a note to Earth.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: We should still be able to do that after the next jump.

Chief monkey lover: We got another message from the beta timeline.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: That’s weird. I thought that wasn’t supposed to happen until Thursday?

Chief monkey lover: The AIs discovered that files can be sent one way. However, we cannot connect with the beta timeline for two-way communication until Thursday.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: That makes sense. What did they send us?

Chief monkey lover: More notes about what happened to Asgard. I’m already forwarded those to Daisy.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Good. Did we get anything from Nana? All I got was about 300 emails from Baker last time. He is still being a dick even though I’m allegedly looking for grad schools like he’s been asking me to for the last three years. It looks bad if the CCO doesn’t have a doctorate. Good thing he doesn’t know I didn’t even go to high school.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I don’t get why he doesn’t have an entire former employee group dedicated to hating him. Yet Tony does. Ana, remind me to tell you about that later.

Chief monkey lover: I’m surprised Baker doesn’t either. Him being a Dick is a universal constant. I hate him. He never got over the fact I have a husband. He’s also a controlling dick. He keeps trying to oust Pepper.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Not you?

Chief monkey lover: He keeps trying to set me up with his daughter. This is even worse, considering the board thinks I’m gay, not bisexual. That was a purposeful choice considering what they did to Tony.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: He forced Tony out because of Steve, didn’t he?

Chief monkey lover: And being bipolar. They don’t know about my mental problems. Just the husband was enough.

 Consultant Fitzsimmons: Ana, do you have any dirt on that guy? I know a few things from when I helped take down Quentin's "we hate Tony" club. But we couldn’t find proof to back it up because those that could died.

Chief monkey lover: They would be alive in this timeline, though. I would love to take him down. Also, I feel like I need to know about this Quinton person.

Chief monkey lover: You do. Disgruntled employee. He tried to get me to join his “we hate Tony club” because they bought my startup. It didn’t work the way they thought it would.

Ana: Please provide me with what you know, and I will find the information desired. I think this Quinton might be the same person that Aifa has flagged as a person to watch.

Consultant: Fitzsimmons: You are the best. I like you.

Chief monkey lover: I got a letter from beta timeline Hunter. He wants you to know that Simmons is in treatment, and she misses you. The detox is just taking a lot out of her, and she’s not able to write.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: In treatment?

Chief monkey lover: She’s decided to get sober. I don’t know the exact details, but she’s working with Doctor Cruz. She took over my treatment from Dr. Suarez because she’s based in New York.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I’ve wanted that for so long, and I’m not even there to see it. I wish I was there to help.

Chief monkey lover: We’ll get you back.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I hope you’re right.

 To be continued.

We are dealing with Quinton Becks now. None of my spider babies are going through that shit. We have enough trauma coming as it is.