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Pentagon’s been putting out so much content lately. It’s impossible to keep up with it all, but Changyoon happens to be awake and scrolling through his phone when Hongseok begins talking. He clicks on the video, idly wondering if Hongseok will say anything about him. After all, their conversations have been going rather well, relatively speaking.
He watches, knowing that Hongseok is kidding around and of course, he’s going to promote his own song. Promoting yourself and your group first is the unspoken rule of idoldom. It’s what everyone is supposed to do when they’re communicating with their own fans. But by the third time Hongseok compares their two songs by the same name, Changyoon puts the phone down, his stomach knotting uneasily as insecurities flood his mind.
It’s bad enough that he has a crush on a man who’s been on the cover of magazines for his admittedly hot body, who shows it off on a regular basis, making Changyoon’s heart quicken as his pants tighten. It’s worse when that man asks him to talk about the fruits of his many years of labor and Changyoon agonizes over which songs to send before finally narrowing it down to three. It’s the absolute worst when that stupid, stupid man decides to make those three songs a joke on the Internet forever.
Right after the broadcast is over, Changyoon sees the fans responding, laughing mostly and praising the fact that an interaction was mentioned at all, and he knows Hongseok didn’t mean to be cruel. He knows how to take a joke, or he thought he did, but his heart is wounded and he doesn’t know how to talk about it.
But Minkyun does. He storms into Changyoon’s room and announces, “I’m gonna kill him.”
Changyoon knows that he’s seen it and he immediately goes into mediation mode. “No, no, there’s no need for violence. He didn’t know. He couldn’t have known.”
Minkyun will not be that easily pacified. “‘Couldn’t have known’, my ass. He has eyes. He can see the way you look at him. You spent hours on that list, hyung. You must’ve asked me if it was the best we had at least four times. You deserve better.”
“It was a joke. It’s harmless. Nobody took it seriously.” Changyoon is rationalizing to himself as much as anyone else. He’s met with narrowed eyes.
“Yeah, you look like you’ve been laughing real hard.” The deadpan attempt at humor is met with silence, a further indication that Changyoon is deep in his own thoughts. Minkyun sits on the bed and puts his arm around his hyung. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. We have one more filming left for this show. Use it to tell him how you feel and how that felt. He was a dick there, but he’s not an asshole. He’ll be kind either way.”
Changyoon’s voice is small when he replies. “But what if he’s not? What if the next time he films himself, he talks about how pathetic I was as I confessed?”
Minkyun doesn’t usually get angry, but hearing Changyoon’s fear and knowing that this could’ve all been easily avoided makes him wish he could punch a pillow. He knows that would just scare his hyung even more, so he saves that energy and channels it into reassurance instead. “He won’t. He would never do that. He wouldn’t dare unleash the combined wrath of our members and his.”
“What did I say about violence?” The hint of laughter creeping into his question means that Changyoon’s getting back to normal. The hurt’s still there and it will be for a while, but it’s not the end of the story.
Hongseok comes to the ONF dressing room before they start the live taping for the finale. He looks nervous as he asks to talk to Changyoon alone and Changyoon sends Minkyun a worried glance as he accepts.
Minkyun flashes him five fingers three times. He’ll come find them in fifteen minutes just in case something goes wrong. Changyoon nods and musters up a smile. Either way, he’ll be out of misery soon.
When they find an empty dressing room, a surprisingly difficult task, Hongseok starts, his words rushing out as if he’s afraid that he might forget them. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I’ve watched it over and over and over again. And every time, I’ve come to the same conclusion: I was an idiot and I owe you an apology. I don’t know if you know what I’m talking about, but I said that our song “Asteroid” was better than yours, making light of something that was clearly precious to you. That was wrong of me. You don’t have to forgive me, but I want you to know that I’m sorry.”
For the immediate seconds after the apology, Changyoon stands speechless, his mouth hanging open in shock. Never in a million years did he expect to hear someone apologize first for hurting his feelings. He’s always had to be the one pointing out the problem and now, Hongseok looks like he’s expecting to be sent away.
After about half a minute of awkward silence, Hongseok breaks the tension with an offer of quiet. “I’ll just show myself out-” but Changyoon reaches out to grab his hand and pull him back.
“No, wait! Stay...please. I have something to say.”
Hongseok gives him a small smile and waits for him to continue.
This time, it’s Changyoon’s turn to rush through words. “What you said hurt and I need you to know that. It hurt because I spent time trying to figure out which of our songs were the very best and I asked my members for their opinions and ran statistics and listened to our entire discography three times before sending you my list. And you didn’t know that and couldn’t have known that, but it still hurt to see you make fun of it, of me on broadcast. I...I like you, really like you. And now, I’m scared because if you did that with a little thing, I don’t know if I can trust you with something bigger. Your apology was fine, but I’m still not sure. I need you to hear that before this is all over. I need to be honest.”
Hongseok flinches as if he’s been hit. “I didn’t know,” he breathes, as if saying anything in his full voice will hurt Changyoon further. “You trusted me and I broke that. Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy.” There’s a pause as he works up the courage to say the next part. “I know I’m not worthy of asking for another chance, but you deserve honesty in return. I also like you, really like you, and I would love to take you out on a date. You don’t have to trust me right away. You don’t ever have to trust me again. But at least, it’s a free meal and some...halfway decent company. Take all the time you want to think it over. You have my number.”
This decision takes no agonizing, no second-guessing. “Yes,” Changyoon says. “Absolutely. You owe me some delicious food after all this. I hope your wallet’s ready for my appetite, and as for the rest...we can take it slow and see.”
Hongseok smiles bright for the first time since Changyoon’s seen him today. “Sounds good to me.” He holds the door for Changyoon, who almost bumps directly into a waiting Minkyun.
“Ah, Shinwon said he was looking for you.” Hongseok calls back at him, while reaching for Changyoon’s hand. Changyoon gives it to him and glances back to watch Minkyun’s mouth fall open before he turns on his heel and runs to find Shinwon.