Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Johnnie Guilbert was fifteen years old when he started working a merch stand. He can’t remember how he found it or got the job, but he’s appreciative he got it anyway. There’s one other kid who works with him, he’s about seventeen years old and failing at being emo. Johnnie thinks he wants to be emo but he can’t because of family based on some of the things he says. Johnnie doesn’t pay him a lot of attention, though. They switch shifts and don’t work with each other much outside of someone needing to man the register and someone needing to stock merch. It was a pretty good gig for Johnnie. And the guy who ran the stand was pretty nice. He seemed pretty fond of Johnnie.

One night, Johnnie was left to man the stand all by himself, the other teen having gotten involved in some kind of accident, he’s not sure. At the start of his shift, he got a call from the older teen telling him he would either be late or unable to make it because he was on his way to the hospital. Johnnie felt bad for him, he had learned that his mom was in critical condition and he wasn’t too good himself. He hadn’t interacted much with him but he liked him nonetheless. 

Johnnie felt a little frazzled. It was the final day of the tour and many people were trying to buy as much merch as possible. He’s pretty sure no one even knows whose merch they’re buying, just wanting something to show off. He’s trying to restock the table while also handling transactions. A few people hadn’t had their payment method ready or didn’t have enough and had to bum off a friend who always seemed to be on the other side of the venue. By the time the venue closes, Johnnie is surrounded by empty boxes, hat askew, and on the verge of a panic attack he had been fighting off. Bryan, the owner of the stand, finally comes to his side after finishing up backstage. Johnnie vaguely remembers what he does and why he has the stand in the first place. Something about interviewing bands.

“Hey, Johnnie boy. How’d the sales do tonight?” He stares directly at the black-haired boy, not helping with his impending panic attack. Johnnie takes a deep breath before responding in a shaky voice.

“They did, um, well. Completely, completely sold out.” His eyes are glued to the table in front of him, his heart is racing and he feels trapped.

“Are you ok, bud? You seem a little stressed. How about we take a step outside, yeah?” Bryan wraps an arm around Johnnie’s shoulder to lead him out the door to their left. Once they're in the fresh air, Johnnie feels the tightness in his chest ease a bit. He tries to shrug off the blonde’s arm but it doesn’t work. They stand side by side for a few more minutes until Bryan breaks it again. “Feeling better?”

Johnnie nods, he does feel better. His lungs don’t feel like they’re completely useless and he can actually look at the man beside him. He manages to give a small smile to him. Bryan returns it with a wide grin of his own. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and offers one to the teen. “Here, this should help calm you down.” Johnnie nervously reaches for one and takes it. He’s not sure if he should but he doesn’t want to tell his boss no. He goes to grab the lighter but instead of letting him take it, Bryan leans forward. “Let me.” He guides Johnnie’s hand to put his cigarette into his mouth before leaning forward to press his cigarette into Johnnie’s, lighting it. It takes a second but it does get there. Johnnie doesn’t know how he feels about the proximity but he shrugs it off. “So, what happened at the stand? Why’d you get so worked up?” He asks the teen.

“Um, I just got a little overwhelmed with all the people. And worrying about Leo. He seemed pretty beat up earlier.” Johnnie shrugs halfheartedly. He doesn’t want to get much into it with the other but he figures he could share a little bit. 

“I’m sure Leo will be fine. He’ll most likely make a full recovery.” Bryan’s voice seems to become a little strained. “Were you two close?” 

“Uh, no. We hardly talked.” Johnnie’s voice is small.

“I bet you’ll be glad to put this job behind you. Y’know, I’ll miss you. You were a pretty great merch man.” He smiles at the other, tension leaving his body at Johnnie’s words. He wraps an arm around Johnnie’s tighter, pulling him more into his side. Johnnie looks away. Bryan continues talking about how great Johnnie was working the stand. Eventually, he notices the parking lot has completely emptied. “Hey, Johnnie do you need a ride home?”

“I was just gonna catch the bus.” 

“Nonsense, I’ll drive you.

“Ok.” He smiles up at the blonde. Bryan drops his cigarette and stomps it out. He pulls the black-haired boy away from the wall and begins the trek to his car. “My car is just over here.” It only takes about five minutes to make it behind the venue to his car. He leads them over to the passenger door, and opening it. Johnnie gets in, Bryan closing the door behind him. He clambers into the driver's side. “Put in your address.” He hands over his phone opened to GPS and Johnnie enters his address as Bryan begins to pull out of the parking lot.

The car ride is filled with music and conversation. Johnnie learns more about Bryan and what he does for work. Johnnie actually starts to feel more comfortable with the man. He finds himself laughing at his jokes and telling more about himself. When they pull into Johnnie’s driveway, he finds himself putting his phone number into Bryan’s phone. “Bye, Johnnie. Feel free to text me whenever about whatever.” He smiles as the teen gets out of the car.

“I will. Goodnight, Bryan.” He smiles back before jogging up to his front door. He waves as the car pulls away. He finds himself sporting a small smile as he closes the front door behind himself. His mom looks at him from the couch. 

“Hi, sweetheart. Who was that?” She asks calmly.

“Oh, it was my boss. He wanted to take me home since it was late and I was gonna be riding the bus.” He says. He walks over and hugs her. “I’m going to bed. Good night, Mom.”

“Good night, baby.” She kisses his cheek and then he’s on his way up the stairs to his room. Once he’s in his room, he leans against his bedroom door smiling. He really thinks that Bryan can be his friend. It’ll be his first friend since before his dad died. He walks over to his bed and sighs contentedly before plugging in his phone. His phone lights up and a good night text from Bryan. He falls asleep with a smile on his face, phone resting beside him, and heart light.

Chapter Text

Johnnie and Bryan’s friendship was blossoming into something great. He had completely taken the teen under his wing. Johnnie was still struggling in school but seemed to be doing slightly better mentally. His mom was so happy for him. She was glad to see that he was socializing and hoped that it meant he’d be getting out of his rut. Bryan convinced the two to let Johnnie start making YouTube videos. It seemed pretty innocent at first. Maybe a few crude jokes here and there but that was the humor.

“Johnnie, I know what we should do for your first video,” Bryan says. Johnnie looks at him from his place on the floor. “We should do a challenge video! There’s a few going around right now that I think would be great. There’s the onion challenge, chubby bunny, and I’m sure we could figure out some more!” He beams. Johnnie thinks it over.

“Ok. That sounds good. We can buy all the stuff for them tomorrow.” He nods. He’s sitting on the floor of his room with Bryan on the bed. Bryan has a notebook in front of him and Johnnie’s laptop is open beside him. They’ve been brainstorming videos for 15 minutes now and Johnnie was getting nowhere. He didn’t know what would do well so he was hoping Bryan could do most of that. The room is once again filled with the clicking of keys and they lapse into silence once more. They heard the front door open and footsteps walk into the house. Johnnie's mom walked into the doorway of the room, leaning against the doorjamb and giving a soft knock.

“How’s it going in here, boys?” She asks sweetly, a soft smile adorning her face. Johnnie smiles up at her.

“It’s going well, we’ve actually figured out a few video ideas,” Bryan speaks for them. Johnnie nods along. The two adults chat for a few minutes before Mary excuses herself to make dinner. “You’re mom is really nice.” Bryan redirects his attention to the emo teen on the floor.

“Yeah, I guess,” Johnnie responds. They lapse back into silence for a few minutes. Suddenly Bryan pushes the notebook and laptop to the side. “You done?” The black-haired boy asks.

“Yeah, come sit up here with me.” Bryan pats the spot beside him on the bed. Johnnie doesn’t waste any time before he’s clambering onto the bed. He settles beside Bryan and the blonde wraps his arm around the other’s shoulders. “Y’know, you’re failing school.” He starts casually. Johnnie tenses. Bryan rubs his shoulder reassuringly. “You can always drop out and come live with me. I can help you.” He says. Johnnie turns his head away, body still tense and arms crossed over his chest. Bryan sighs. “It’s ok, y’know? We can’t all be good at school. If everyone did well in school, then some of the greatest minds wouldn’t have been tested.” Before either can get another word out, Mary calls them to dinner. “Think about it.” Bryan gets up off the bed, grabbing Johnnie’s hand and pulling him along. They make it to the dining room and There are three places set. Johnnie vaguely remembers his siblings telling him they were going to friends’ places. 

He takes his place across from his mother, Bryan sitting beside him. Mary makes quick work of serving dinner. She and Bryan engage in conversation about their days. Johnnie gives his input every so often, cracking jokes with them. Mary feels a since of happiness swell in her chest as she sees  Johnnie slowly coming back to her. She smiles as her baby boy engages in playful fighting with his new friend. Dinner is coming to a close and she knows now is the best time to address some serious topics.

Mary clears her throat, gathering the attention of the two males. “Johnnie, I know I have been lenient these last few years, what with your father’s death, but we need to talk about school. You are nowhere near where you need to be. You are at risk of failing. Your school has called me and given me a few options. Your counselor thinks military school would be the best fit for you.” Johnnie freezes as her words sink in. His heart is hammering in his chest and he feels like he’s drowning. He’s having a panic attack. He recognizes it but no one else does. Bryan sits up straighter in his seat.

“Mary, I was thinking about taking Johnnie in myself. YouTube can make him money and it can be a great career choice, especially since he’s so young and is clearly struggling. If he were to move in with me, I could help him. I know what depression is like and staying with someone who knows the struggle might be beneficial. I can get him into a good therapist, as well. I make more than enough to support both of us. All I need is your permission, and, of course, his.” Bryan flashes a bright smile at the older woman. She looks between the two, eyebrows scrunching up as she thinks it over. 

“Well, you do take great care of my boy when I’m not around. And it could help to eliminate one stressor. If Johnnie wants to, then I suppose I’ll think it over.” She finally settles on. Both sets of eyes bore into Johnnie. He looks between the two. 

“Um, yeah. I wouldn’t mind. It’d help.” He says. Bryan seems pleased with the answer and Mary nods her head.

“I’ll think it over then. For now, let’s move onto dessert, yes?” She claps her hands before standing to get the pie from the kitchen. When she’s gone, Bryan drops his hand on Johnnie’s shoulder. 

“I’m sure it’ll turn out ok.” He says. Johnnie smiles and nods.

It takes two months for Mary to make up her mind. Johnnie and Bryan film a few videos in the meantime and by the time she agrees, Bryan has started paying rent on an apartment in Nebraska. Johnnie is nervous about the move but Bryan reassures him multiple times that it’ll be ok. Once they’ve got everything in the apartment, they start to pick up filming for Johnnie. Bryan makes him promise he won’t share that he’s living with him until he’s a bit older. Johnnie agrees easily.

------------Trigger Scene Ahead---------------

It all came crashing down one night in that Nebraska apartment. Bryan gave Johnnie a drink. Just one bottle of some cheap wine cooler. One bottle was all it took. Johnnie was loopy and out of it. He couldn’t form sentences. He wasn’t coherent. But he could still tell what was going on. Bryan promised to take him to bed. He picked up the fifteen-year-old and carried him to a room. Johnnie’s room. He laid him in the bed. He started to remove Johnnie’s clothes.

Johnnie shoves at the hands trying to tug his shirt off. “Nooo…” He slurs. It earns a chuckle from the blonde. Johnnie is too weak and inebriated to properly fight the adult off. His shirt is pulled off his head and then his jeans are being unbuttoned. He starts to fight more. “Bry, don’ do that…” His words bleed together.

“Shhh, it’s ok, baby. Let me take care of you.” Bryan whispers as he gets the button and fly undone, tugging down his jeans. Johnnie’s socks come off with the skinny jeans. The teen is left laying in his own bed in nothing but his dark blue boxers. He whimpers as the cool air hits his sensitive body. All of his cuts and scars on display. His chest isn’t big, maybe a B cup at most, but his nipples perk up at the cold air. He tries to curl into himself but is stopped by slightly larger hands pulling his away from himself. “Hey, don’t do that. You’re gorgeous, let me see you.” He smiles down at the boy. Johnnie whines as he feels the hands running over his body. Soon enough Bryan is climbing onto the bed with him, whispering compliments about how good his body looks. He presses kisses on his face, along his neck and collarbone before leaning up to kiss Johnnie. Johnnie doesn’t reciprocate, too out of it to properly respond. He weakly pushes at the other’s shoulders to no avail.

The teen feels the hands move to his boxers and gently tug on them. Then they’re off and being tossed to the floor with his jeans and shirt. His fight is back but it isn’t very strong. He whimpers out as he is exposed. Bryan kisses him on the mouth once more before trailing kisses down his cheek to his jaw, down his neck, from his clavicle to his navel. He stops to stare at the teen’s most intimate part. The part that he didn’t want anyone to see or know about. Before Johnnie can protest, Bryan is diving in. He nips at his thighs and licks a stripe up his slit. Johnnie sobs out, body and mind fighting for dominance, feelings of arousal and shame mingling in his gut. Bryan wastes no time in spreading his lips to lick and suck his clit. He begins to alternate between different techniques before he settles on sucking. One hand snakes down to toy with his entrance. Johnnie cries out as one finger slides into his vagina.

He feels the tears falling from his eyes as his body is pleasured by the violation of an adult he trusted. Soon, Johnnie’s body tenses and he cums on two fingers inside of him and a tongue on his clit, neither being what he wanted. He cries out as Bryan pulls away. “Good boy. Such a good boy for me. Took it so well. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He praises gently. He stands and moves to the bathroom, returning with a wet washcloth. He carefully wipes between Johnnie’s legs, praising him the entire time. Soon enough he deems the teen is cleaned up enough to grab a new pair of boxers. He slides them on and tugs on a pair of pajama pants onto the limp boy. He puts a shirt on him and gathers his discarded clothing, throwing them in the hamper before exiting the room. “Goodnight, sunshine.” He says as he turns the lights off and closes the door. 

Johnnie curls into a ball as he sobs. He falls asleep like that. When he awakes the next morning, he’s confused and disoriented. He doesn’t remember anything that happened but recognizes a tenderness below his waist and the change of clothes. He sits up and wipes at his face only to find the dried tears. While he’s trying to piece together what happened, his door is being pushed open and Bryan is entering with a tray of breakfast. “Hey, buddy. You seemed really out of it last night so I brought you to your room. You asked me to help you change so I did. I brought you breakfast.” He sets the tray on the bed. Johnnie smiles.

“Thanks, I’m glad to have a friend like you to look out for me.”

Chapter Text

     Something like the incident didn't happen for a while. Bryan did give him alcohol from time to time though. He kept it to mostly wine coolers with the occasional beer. It didn't take long for Johnnie to become mildly dependent on the alcohol. It took months before Bryan finally gave Johnnie something stronger. It came in a pristine brand-new bottle of vodka. It was large and Johnnie didn't actually know the brand or anything. "Johnnie, want to try something new?" Bryan asks the black-haired teen. He's holding the bottle of vodka in his hand and he shakes it a little as if to entice the other.

     "Sure, why not?" Johnnie finally settles on. He watches Bryan smile big and turn to go into the kitchen. Johnnie follows him. He sets the bottle on the counter before pulling out two shot glasses. They get set beside the bottle and he lifts it back up. He opens it, breaking the seal. Johnnie watches with rapt attention as he carefully and skillfully pours. 

    "So, what you're gonna wanna do is lift the shot to your mouth and toss your head back. Let the vodka slide down your throat, don't try to resist it or swallow, just let it slide." He instructs. "I'll show you, then you try." He says, picking up his shot glass carefully. He lifts it to his mouth before pressing it to his lips and tossing his head back. Johnnie watches as his throat stays relaxed and a tiny droplet slides down the corner of his mouth. Bryan sets the shot glass back on the counter and smirks at the teen. "Your turn." He slides the second one across the counter to the teen.

     Johnnie looks at the shot glass for a second before delicately lifting it. He brings it to face level before throwing a hesitant glance to the adult across from him. Bryan nods reassuringly to him and he takes that as his cue. He brings the glass to his lips, tossing his head back just as he saw Bryan do. The bitter taste of the vodka hits his tongue and he tilts forward as he coughs and scrunches his face in discomfort. Bryan rounds the corner and lets his hand fall heavily onto his back. 

     "Good job! You did your first shot!" He praises. Johnnie nods and glances at his friend. He immediately loses the hatred for the bitterness. He gives a small smile of his own and watches Bryan as he looks at him proudly. "Let's do another. We'll do it at the same time." He says before reaching over to pour two more shots. Johnnie doesn't want to do more but he also wants to keep seeing that look of pride and hearing those praises falling from his mentor's lips. He takes the shot from the blonde and once Bryan hits one in his countdown, Johnnie is letting the vodka burn his throat. As he tilts his head, he misses Bryan pouring his shot in the sink beside him. "You're takin' it like a champ." The words give Johnnie a fuzzy feeling in his chest. Bryan makes them do ten more shots, he himself only doing two of those for real. The rest he pours into the sink as Johnnie takes all ten. Soon he deems they've done enough shots and he goes to grab some glasses from the cabinet along with a carton of orange juice. He sets them on the counter. 

     "We're doing screwdrivers." He declares. Johnnie stares blankly. "You did so well with the shots I'm sure you'll do great with this." He pours the glasses about half full with orange juice when he pauses. "Hey, Johnnie? Can you go grab me a spoon?" Johnnie nods and starts to move for the drawer. When he turns his back on the blonde, he pours half of the orange juice from one cup into the other, dumps some powder into it, and then fills both glasses the rest of the way with vodka. Johnnie returns with the spoon and hands it over. Bryan accepts it and thanks him before beginning to stir. 

     Johnnie accepts the screwdriver given to him, unknowingly accepting another awful fate. As the night carried on, Johnnie and Bryan moved to the couch where Bryan continued to make sure Johnnie's cup never got too empty. Johnnie eagerly gulped down the liquid each time it was poured into his glass. After about an hour, Johnnie starts getting really loopy. It was clear before this that he was steadily inching into black-out drunk but by now the drug had time to fully kick in. That paired with the constant stream of strong alcohol left him vulnerable. Bryan wasn't going to take him on the couch but the boy was just too irresistible. He gently pushed his shoulder and Johnnie fell back willingly. There was no fight this time as he leaned over the boy.

-------ASSAULT SCENE AHEAD------

     "You're so good for me." He whispers as his hands find purchase on the other's hips. He rubs circles with his thumbs resulting in the teen's shirt riding up. He smiles as he gently pushes it up. Bryan presses a kiss to the teen's mouth before pulling away to remove the black shirt. Once he's gotten Johnnie's shirt off and thrown on the floor, he looks down to admire his chest. He frowns when he sees ace bandages wrapped around his breasts. He tuts as he begins to unwind them. "Now, Johnnie, you know better than to bind like this. I will buy you a binder if you want one, but you can't go wrapping yourself in bandages." He scolds. The only response is a whine as the pressure is released. Once the bandages are off, he tosses them to the floor. He lets his hands grope the other's breasts and rolls his small nipples between his fingers. This earns another whine from the boy under him. He chuckles. "Seems like you're sensitive." 

     He leans back down to kiss the other, pressing firmly against his mouth. There isn't much response other than the black-haired boy sloppily trying to prevent it. Once Bryan is satisfied with his mouth, he kisses along his jaw down to his tits. He moves to the right one before latching onto it. He sucks on it and laves his tongue over it a few times. He grazes his teeth along the sensitive bud before giving it one last departing kiss to move onto the other nipple where he repeats the process. By now, Johnnie is letting out subconscious moans and whimpers. Bryan is enjoying himself as he kisses down his stomach, stopping above his waistband. He doesn't hesitate to undo the jeans and tug them and the red boxers off. They're removed without a fight and Bryan lets his breath ghost over Johnnie's most sensitive parts for a second. Then he dives in. He eats Johnnie out like a starving man, licking and sucking at him. At one point he grazes his teeth over Johnnie's clit, earning a pathetic whimper. Johnnie is louder this time. More vocal. Bryan suspects it has to do with the drugs and alcohol.

     Soon Bryan is sitting up and undoing his own pants. He tugs them down just enough to let his cock spring free. It's a little over average and is uncut. There's a well-groomed area of pubic hair and he carefully slides his hand down his shaft. He pulls his hand away to spit in it before moving it back to himself. He tugs on his dick a few times to get it slick before moving forward once more. He uses his knees to nudge Johnnie's thighs apart wider. He traces the boy's cunt with his cock earning a whine from him. He takes that as his sign to start pushing in. It takes a surprising amount of willpower to not just force himself all the way in. He's gentle as he breaches the other. The head meets resistance but soon slides in. Once the head is in, the rest is easier to slide in. It only takes a minute for him to be fully seated in the warm heat of Johnnie's virgin pussy. Johnnie is whimpering and whining with discomfort, not used to being touched down there. Bryan hushes him with kisses.

     "Shhh, it's ok, baby. I know it's your first time, you're probably nervous. That's ok. I'll be gentle." He promises as he kisses away the tears. True to his word, he's gentle as he pulls out before sliding back in. It takes a minute for him to find the right pace but once he does it's easy and languid. He takes his time fucking the teen who's going in and out of consciousness. He continues the push and pull for a few more minutes before he feels his own orgasm coming close. He reaches down to rub at Johnnie's clit and then leans in to kiss him. It doesn't take much more time before Johnnie squirts on his dick, pulling Bryan into his own orgasm. He buries himself deep as he paints the teen's walls with stripes of white. He lays down and curls around the boy. "Did so well for me." He whispers to the now-sleeping teen. He stays like that, buried in Johnnie while curled around him, for another hour. He pulls out and cleans him before sliding his boxers onto him. He carries Johnnie to his room and lays him across the Nightmare Before Christmas bedding. Once he's sure the teen won't fall off, he goes to collect his clothes and toss them on the floor. He goes to his room and jerks off thinking about Johnnie's pussy before going to sleep.

    In the morning, Johnnie is confused to find himself in just his boxers with a massive migraine. He looks around his room to see last night's clothes on the floor and just assumes he got too drunk to change. He pulls himself out of bed to dress for the day but freezes when he feels the soreness in his pelvis. He quickly scurries to his mirror where he strips his boxers to look. He sees nothing out of the ordinary and sighs. Maybe he just tripped or something. He's not going to worry about it right now because he smells breakfast. He quickly dresses himself in something casual and comfortable. Once he's dressed, he makes his way to the kitchen where he's greeted by Bryan. He smiles brightly as he waves.  Soon enough, breakfast is ready and he sits at the table where the adult places a plate. He thanks him and they eat in silence. It's a peaceful day and once again, Johnnie doesn't remember a thing from the previous night. When he asks, Bryan confirms he took himself to bed instead of requesting help. He continues on with his day as if it was normal.

Chapter Text

     Johnnie was sitting on the floor in front of his bed, back leaned against the piece of furniture. He was thinking to himself, how much he couldn't remember and how much he hurt when he didn't remember a night. He sighs as he leans his head back. His phone buzzes and he glanced to it. It's Bryan. When isn't it Bryan? He reads the text, ‘b home late, bringing a surprise.’ Johnnie raises his eyebrows in confusion. Instead of asking he sends his affirmative and leaves it at that. He decides he's done waiting around and stands up. He wobbles a little with a groan of pain as his body protests. Currently, he is once again sore between his legs and his hips and thighs feel a little stiff.

     He huffs as he forces himself to move forward anyways. He sends a quick text letting Bryan know he's going to step out for a bit and will be back before the blonde gets home. He decides to take the opportunity to go to the mall near the apartment. He moved to his closet and riffles through it before deciding on a pair of black skinny jeans, a white shirt with Gir on the front, a grey zip up hoodie, and his converses. He throws on a few bracelets to conceal his wrist before heading towards the door. He pauses with his hand on the knob. It's been a little bit since he last left the apartment. He takes a deep breath before exiting. 

     Once he's out of the building, he looks around. The sun is bright and the air feels a little cool. He stands there for a second, suddenly unsure of what he's doing. The sound of the bus passing him draws him out of his frozen state and he rushes towards the bus stop to get on. There's a rush of people exiting and he barely manages to make it to the door. He gets on the bus and finds the first available seat that doesn't have anyone else around.

     He's barely made it to the seat before the bus is moving and he's falling into the seat. He settles in as comfortable as he can. He feels like he's being watched but whenever he looks up, no one's looking at him. He quickly plugs in his headphones and starts some music up. It doesn't feel like it takes long before the bus is stopping by the mall. Johnnie is surprised when he's the only one to get off. He stuffs his hands on his pockets and begins to approach the looming building. He doesn't actually remember the last time he went to the mall. Or anywhere by himself. The last few months he's always had Bryan with him. Bryan is always with him. Johnnie is going to have to convince Bryan to take him here sometime. He smiles as he thinks about going to the mall with his favorite person. Once inside, he's suddenly reminded that he doesn't do well with large crowds. He takes a deep breath to steel his nerves before venturing further.

     It doesn't take long for him to end up at Hot Topic. He almost laughs at the cliche. He doesn't because he actually enjoys the store a lot. He walks in and begins perusing the shelves. Some pop punk song plays on the overhead radio and he's greeted by an employee. He's standing by the t-shirts when he hears it. At first he thinks nothing of it but it just gets louder. He glances to his left and sees a few boys about his age laughing. He tries to convince himself that they're just laughing at a funny joke and not him but it's kind of hard to when they don't look like they belong in here and are clearly looking at him. He tries to ignore them but they keep snickering. Eventually one speaks up.

     “Hey, freak! Find anything for your coffin?” A blonde scoffs and his two friends laugh as if it's the funniest shit they've ever heard. Johnnie turns away to look at a different shelf, trying to distance himself. He hears footsteps approaching him. 

     “He was talkin to you, fag!” There's a hand on his shoulder, roughly turning him around. Johnnie freezes. The three boys continue to taunt him but all he can hear is the blood rushing in his ears. He gets shoved a few times before an employee finally notices what's going on. The others are kicked out with the threat of security and suddenly the person is helping him sit on the floor. He vaguely recognizes them trying to coax him out of his panic attack. He clumsily scrambles for his phone when he feels it buzzing but he can't actually see what he's doing through the tears. 

     “Hey, it looks like someone named Bryan is calling. Want me to answer it for you?” The employee asks. He nods. She answers and calmly explains the situation before the phone is being pressed into his hand and held to his ear. He lets out a whimper and then Bryan's voice is in his ear. 

     “Johnnie, hey, it's ok. I'm on my way.” His voice soothes. Johnnie makes some kind of noise and then the lines dead. It feels like an eternity with the employee sitting beside him before Bryan is rushing to drop in front of him. “Johnnie, I'm right here.” Bryan puts his hands on Johnnie's biceps and gives a small squeeze. He gently moves his hands down to grip Johnnie's. “Hey, bud.” He whispers. Johnnie starts to come back to himself and immediately tugs Bryan forward just enough so he can bury his face in the older man's chest. He takes a shaky breath as he tries to calm himself further. “There he is, there's my Johnnie.” Bryan coos when he notices Johnnie coming back to himself. He carefully extracts himself just enough to stand before helping Johnnie stand as well. He thanks the employee and then they're on their way. 

     Bryan holds Johnnie's hand as they walk, not letting the teen stray too far. They make it to Bryan's car and he helps the black haired teen into the car. He even buckles him up. “You had me worried.” He says once he's in the driver's seat.

    “Sorry….” Johnnie's voice is small as he responds. He sounds pathetic and you can hear the tears still laced in his words. Bryan reaches over and lays a comforting hand on his shoulder.

     “Don't be, you couldn't control it. I'm just happy you're ok.” He reassures. “Now, let's go home and I'll order your favorite.” He smiles and Johnnie smiles back. His stomach feels a bit weird but he ignores it, writing it off as feeling cared for. 

Chapter Text

     Johnnie wakes up to warmth. He mindlessly burrows into the solid warm under his body, face nuzzling into it. He feels solid weight tightening around his waist. He hums in content. “You awake?” A soft voice asks. He whines a little in response, as if denying. This earns him a chuckle. “We gotta get up. We need to film some today. I know you don't feel well so I thought we could do something simple.” Bryan rubs his back in soothing circles. Johnnie grumbles a bit and Bryan sighs in response. “Come on, we gotta go get a video filmed. It'll be a makeup tutorial so you don't have to do much. Just a simple walkthrough of your stripes. Then we can wash it off and go back to bed.” He reassures gently. The black haired teen groans before sitting up. He rubs at his eyes as he readjusts to the world around him. “There he is! Let's go. I'll set up the camera.” Bryan smiles as he climbs out of the bed and then heads off to the bathroom, leaving Johnnie alone. 

     Johnnie gets off the bed and makes his way to his closet where he pulls out a tshirt and jeans. He dresses and starts to walk out of his room. He stops to grab a panda hat sitting by his door. He exits and walks over to the bathroom. He sees Bryan at the sink fiddling with the camera. He glances up to look at Johnnie through the mirror and smiles. “Hey, I got you a new paint stick thing. The kind you like. And I set everything on the counter.” He says before leaving the bathroom and patting the teen on the shoulder as he passes. Johnnie closes the door once he's gone and takes a deep breath. 

     It helps a little bit to calm his nerves. He turns to the camera and hits record. He waves and begins to walk through the tutorial. Once he has both of the black stripes on his cheeks, he pulls his panda hat on and cleans up the stripes a little more. Once he's done, he turns the camera off and exits the bathroom. He's met by Bryan on the couch, laptop open, bottle of whiskey on the table. A glass sits beside it and he smiles when he notices the other. “Get it done?” He asks. Johnnie nods. 

     He sits beside the blonde and accepts the drink offered. He takes a small sip and tries to hide the face he makes. Bryan seems to ignore it and goes back to his computer. “You're not drinking too?” Johnnie asks.

     “No, I'm editing. I also thought you might want something to loosen you up. I've got a friend coming over I want you to meet. He's a great guy. He's a bit older than you, though.” Bryan responds. Johnnie tenses. He wasn't expecting company and he sinks into the couch. Bryan says a few more things before he goes silent to focus on his editing. 

     Some time passes and Johnnie's not sure how long it is but he's finished four glasses of whiskey and the sky is darkening. He feels drowsy. There's a knock on the door and Bryan shoots up to answer it. The teen can hear some chit chat going on and he pulls his legs up, curling into the corner of the couch in response. Eventually Bryan rounds the corner and there's a teenager behind him. He's got dark brown hair, an all time low shirt, a pair of dark jeans, and a baseball cap. 

     “This is Johnnie. Johnnie, this is Kyle.” Bryan says with a smile, motioning between the two of them. Johnnie gives a halfhearted wave. He feels fuzzy as the night drags on. His eyes droop as Bryan slings and arm around his shoulders. Johnnie lets himself be pulled in, still loving the warmth from this morning. He misses Bryan smirking at him as he nuzzles closer. Bryan carries the conversation with Kyle. 

—TRIGGER WARNING—

     Bryan let's his hand rub at Johnnie’s arm, sliding down to rest on his hip at some point. He reaches over to tug the teen's legs into his lap. Kyle seems to falter a little, anxiety creeping in. Johnnie's clearly out of it now and he doesn't really know what the limits are. “It's ok, Kyle. Johnnie doesn't mind. He likes it.” Bryan reassures with a smile, sensing the other teen's discomfort. Kyle nods and he watches as the blonde rubs a hand up to the black haired boy's thigh. He eventually reached up to undo the jeans. It doesn't take much for him to shove a hand down the black skinny jeans.

    Johnnie whimpers and shifts as he feels fingers prodding at his cunt. Bryan continues to talk as he runs his fingers on Johnnie's clit. He knows Kyle isn't latching onto his words, gaze too focused on the movement in the jeans. He smirks before ruthlessly shoving the jeans down and off the teen. His smooth, pale legs are left on display now. His dark blue boxers hide his crotch away. Bryan seems to get excited. It's not Johnnie's boxers that Johnnie is wearing. They're Bryan's. He just doesn't know it. He didn't realize that he unintentionally is marking himself. Bryan's dick perks up at the sight. It's very easy for their laundry to get mixed, it seems. 

     “He's just the sweetest thing.” Bryan starts. “He's so pliant and needy. Leaving himself for the taking.” He rubs over the fabric of the boxers. Soon he's peeling them away and laying him on his back. He pushes his shirt up and leans down to kiss and nibble the boy's nipples. He feels eyes watching him as he expertly teases the body under him. He pulls off with a pop and looks at the brunette across from him. “He can be responsive sometimes. Not always but sometimes.” He smirks before diving down to lick and suck at the young teen pussy. His tongue flicks at his clit. He sucks at the little bud before shifting his attention lower. He fucks his tongue in. This earns whimpers from the almost asleep teen. He continues to eat the boy out for another few minutes. Eventually he sits up, wipes his mouth and then undoes his pants.

    His dick flops out, hard and leaking precum. He nudges his dick against the teens pussy before plunging in. He fully sheaths himself. He groans lowly as the body under him responds with a squeeze. He carefully pulls in before plunging back in. He starts a slow pace before picking up. He fucks in brutally. Kyle whimpers a little off to the side. “Fuck, Ky, you can jerk off.” The words barely make it out of Bryan's mouth before Kyle is fisting his dick. Bryan moans as he hears the shlick shlick on the other side of the room and the sounds seeping from both teens. “Fuck, gonna cum. Gonna cream this fuckin pussy.” He husks out before he's tensing, shoved all the way in and painting the teens insides. He hears Kyle stutter and a glance tells him that he's made a mess sof himself. Bryan reaches down to thumb at Johnnie's clit and it doesn't take much for him to cum on his dick. He decides that this won't be the only time Kyle gets to play. 

Chapter Text

    Johnnie is tucked into the bathtub as tears crawl down his face. His hands cling to his biceps, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt. His entire body trembles as he stares blankly at the wall in front of him. There's several blades sitting on the floor beside the tub, box ripped opened. It only takes a second of consideration for Johnnie to reach for one. He picks it up with shaky hands, finding some comfort in the small piece of metal. He takes a deep breath before holding it to his arm. He pauses before it reaches his skin and he considers what he's about to do. He's going to have to hide it from Bryan. That's going to be hard. But he needs this. Bryan hasn't said anything about forcing him to stop cutting. Maybe he'll turn a blind eye to it. At least long enough for Johnnie to sort it out. Besides, it's just tonight. It's not like he's going to go back to cutting all the time. It's just a one time thing. A small setback. 
    Johnnie braces himself before he's digging into his arm. His skin splits open as he drags the blade. It's like butter. He forgot how much he loves new blades. He sighs contentedly as he watches the blood pool in the deep cut. He drags the blade again. And again. And again. Soon he's lost count, arm red and mangled. He watches as the blood drips onto his black jeans, staining them invisibly. Tears slow down, no longer falling in quick succession. He stares numbly at the mangled mess that's his arm. He finally has to look away and his eyes land on the underwear sitting on the floor. The item that caused this whole ordeal. He stares at it. Stained. Tainted. 
     There's a dark brown spot with on a pair of light blue boxers. The tears are back. His grip on the blade tightens and then he's dragging it across his arm again. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. He manages to tear his eyes from the bunched up fabric to look at his arm again. He gasps as he notices the gaping wound. He can see a bit of yellow peeking out from behind the red of his blood. He makes the vague connection to fat. He starts to panic. He tries to climb out of the tub but slips a little as he tries to grip the edge of the tub, blood interfering. He manages to get out without falling, using the towel rack to pull himself up. His converse slip a little on the floor, blood coating the bottom of them from where he had been sitting. He makes it to the bathroom sink, weight falling to settle fully on it. He reaches for the mirror and struggles to open it. He sobs as his bloody fingers slide on the cool glass. Somehow, he manages to open it.
    He rifles through it, looking for the bandages he knows are in there. His body shakes from the blood loss and the sobs as he fumbles around. He pulls out a roll of gauze and tries to wrap it around his arm. Johnnie's legs feel weak and soon he's on the ground, pressed into the cabinet. The roll of gauze is bloody, half wrapped loosely around his forearm. He's sobbing uncontrollably. There's a knock on the door. He tilts his head to look at it. "Johnnie? You ok?" Bryan's voice comes from the other side. Johnnie can only whimper in response. Bryan calls out again, trying out the knob. It doesn't turn. Johnnie locked it. He can hear the blonde getting frantic on the other side. There's banging and then Bryan is falling through the broken door. He takes in the sight before him. Bryan feels his heart break as he stares at the teen on the ground. 
    He kneels down to Johnnie's level. "Hey, buddy. I'm gonna pick you up and set you on the counter, ok?" He says softly. Johnnie makes a small sound and Bryan takes that as permission. He puts one arm around the black haired boy's back and the other under his knees before he lifts him. He carefully sets him on the counter before bending down to pull out the first aid kit from the cabinet. He sets it on the counter. He reaches for Johnnie's arm once he has a fresh gauze pad in his hand, ready to clean up and assess the damage. He takes a sharp inhale when he sees the deepness. Johnnie isn't sobbing as hard anymore but he's still clearly in distress. "It looks like a few of these might need stitches. I might have to take you to the hospital." Johnnie reaches out quickly with his good hand to grab Bryan's wrist.
    "No! Wanna stay here!" His eyes are full of fear and panic. "Make it better, Bry...?" He begs in a small voice. His eyes are filled with panic and pleading. Bryan sighs as he nods his head. He rests one hand on top of Johnnie's. 
    "I'll fix it, bud. Make it all better." He reassures. "Now, can you let go of me so I can fix it?" Johnnie reluctantly lets go and Bryan smiles reassuringly. He continues to wipe away blood before turning to grab the stitch supplies from the first aid kit. He thread the needle and then squirts some saline in a syringe onto one of the bigger cuts on Johnnie's arm. He hisses in discomfort and Bryan shushes him. He carefully begins stitching up one wound and the teen whimpers the entire time. Eventually, Bryan ends up slotted between Johnnie's legs with the teen's head buried in his neck. He shushes him and praises him gently as he stitches all of the cuts that need it. Soon he's pressing non stick gauze and wrapping his arm tightly. Once he's done, he packs up the kit and presses a kiss to the top of Johnnie's head. "You did so well. It's ok. Want to go watch a movie? We can cuddle. I'll order take out. Whatever you want." He feels the boy nod and he smiles softly. He starts to step away but is stopped by Johnnie wrapping himself around the blonde. His arms loop around his torso, legs locking around his hips. He makes a distressed sound and Bryan instinctively lets his hands fall to the other's hips. He tugs him forward so he can properly hold him. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere, promise." He gently eases the brunet off the counter and carries him to the couch. He settles down, grabbing his phone to place an order for Johnnie's favorite restaurant before turning the TV on. He turns The Nightmare Before Christmas on and readjusts.
    They're halfway through the movie with Johnnie out cold when the food arrives. Bryan carefully extracts himself to answer the door. He retrieves the food and notices the delivery guy staring at his shirt. He glances down and finally realizes his shirt is stained with Johnnie's blood. He's about to say something when Johnnie emerges behind him. "Bry? Food?" His voice is hoarse and he's clearly just woken up from a good nap. The delivery guy clearly does a doubletake when he notices the extreme bandaging. Bryan makes a mental note to replace the bandages after they eat since they seem to be bleeding through already.
    "Yeah, Johnnie. Thank you, sir. Have a good night!" He forks over fifteen bucks to hopefully ensure the delivery guy won't say anything. He smiles sheepishly before closing the door. He turns to the teen, food in hand. He looks him over, cataloguing everything before leading the way to the dining room table. "C'mon, I got your favorite." Johnnie immediately perks at that and he smiles brightly once Bryan sets it out. He eagerly sits down, barely waiting for Bryan to sit before he's digging in. He scarfs it down pretty quickly and Bryan's glad he got extra. The boy is probably starving after losing so much blood. They eat in silence and Bryan spends most of the meal staring at Johnnie. It's not long before they're both finished. "I'm going to go clean the bathroom." Bryan says once they've finished clearing dinner. Johnnie freezes.
    "I'm sorry....." His voice is meek and small. It breaks Bryan's heart. He reaches out and pulls him into a hug. He presses a kiss to the top of his head as he feels him cling to him and sob. 
    " It's not your fault. Don't apologize. I'll get it cleaned up, then I'll come back in here and we can watch more movies." He promises. Johnnie nods in his chest. Once he pulls away, Bryan sends him to the couch. He makes quick work of cleaning the blood up before putting away the first aid kit and then puts the blades in Johnnie's bathroom drawer. Then he joins him in the living room.

Chapter Text

   Johnnie wakes up with a dull throbbing in his arms. He tries to orient himself with little success. He starts to sit up, but a weight around his waist pulls him back down. He looks down and notices that he's laying on top of Bryan. He looks around the room again, finally registering the living room space. The TV is dark, whatever show had been put on the previous night was timed out. He snuggles back into the warmth underneath him. He's never felt so safe. Bryan's arms tighten around him and he melts into the embrace.

    Bryan traces patterns on Johnnie's back, earning a contented sigh. “Hey, buddy. We need to get some food in you,” He says softly. Johnnie grumbles in response as he tries to burrow deeper. Bryan smiles a little before gently moving to sit up. With no other choice, the teen sits up with the blonde. He grumbles in discontent as he’s forced to move off the other. Bryan stands before he offers a hand to the teen. Johnnie takes the hand and is led to the kitchen. “What’re you in the mood for?” The blonde asks. Johnnie shrugs as he wraps his bandaged arms around himself. Bryan opens the fridge and looks around for a second. “We have eggs, leftover spaghetti, milk, juice, um we really need to go to the store.” He chuckles. 

     “Eggs?” Johnnie asks. Bryan smiles as he grabs the eggs and sets them on the counter. He turns back to the fridge, grabs some bacon that was tucked into the back. He sets it beside the stove before grabbing a bowl.

    “Can you crack the eggs into this? Maybe about four or six?” He looks at Johnnie from over his shoulder. Johnnie moves to grab the bowl and sets it on the counter. He grabs one egg and he taps it on the side of the bowl. Nothing happens. He taps a little harder. Still nothing. Bryan has started to fry bacon at this point and Johnnie hasn’t even managed to crack one egg. He brings the egg down onto the side of the bowl with more force and the shell shatters. Egg drips down the inside of the bowl. It drips down the outside of the bowl too, pooling on the counter, egg shell sliding along both side. Johnnie begins to shake as he watches the mess spread. Bryan turns when he notices the lack of noise behind him. He sees the mess and quickly moves the bacon off the burner and turns it off. He moves beside the teen and gently pulls his hands away from where they subconsciously drifted to his bandages. “Hey, bud. It’s ok. Don’t worry about it, ok?” He tugs him to the sink where he helps him wash his hands. He stands behind the teen and reaches around, his height allowing him to easily look over Johnnie's shoulder. He turns on the faucet and guides Johnnie's hands to the water. He rubs their hands together for a few seconds, trying to dislodge most of the egg before reaching for the soap. He puts some on the teens hands and then repeats the process of rubbing their hands together. 

     Johnnie seems to calm down some as he leans into Bryan's chest. Bryan runs their hands under the water, washing the suds away. Johnnie looks up at the adult behind him, eyes full of trust and adoration. Bryan finds himself leaning down towards the teen. He catches himself and freezes. Johnnie leans up and closes the distance between them. His inexperience is obvious in the way he nervously presses his mouth against the others. Bryan melts into it, comforted by the teen initiating it. He gently leads Johnnie through it, encouraging him to move his lips with his own. Eventually, the boy seems to catch on and their lips glide together easily. Bryan pulls one hand away to touch Johnnie's neck. He gently cradles it, palm against his throat and fingers on his jaw, keeping him tilted just right. His hand is still wet, water dripping down causing the pale boy to shiver. The blonde smirks against his lips. Eventually he pulls his mouth way and kisses the black haired kid on the corner of his mouth. Johnnie whines as he pulls away. Bryan reaches forward to turn off the water and then grabs a towel to dry their hands. Johnnie whimpers a little when Bryan starts to pull away. "Shh, it's ok. I've got you." He spins the kid around by his waist and then moves him to sit him on the counter. 

    Johnnie makes a surprised sound at the sudden movement but quickly settles once Bryan slides between his legs. He leans in and kissed the teen once more. He lets Johnnie try to take the lead. It's sloppy and messy but it's still more than enough for Bryan. The blonde slowly starts to take over again, sliding his tongue to lick across Johnnie's. It seems to confuse him, but Bryan just forces his tongue between the other's lips. Johnnie gasps as a tongue forces itself inside, opening his mouth wider and allowing more room for Bryan to explore. His tongue slides across Johnnie's teeth before probing his tongue. He tries to encourage some movement. Eventually Johnnie starts hesitantly moving alongside. He gently guides Johnnie through the movements before he seems to get a bit more confident. He lets the teen take control once more. They slide together, kiss getting sloppier and wetter. Bryan lets one hand rest on Johnnie's thigh and the other goes to his hip. He rubs circles into his skin, gently pushing his shirt up to expose some flesh. Johnnie whimpers as he feels the hands kneading his skin. One hand pushes his shirt up a little further and he pulls away to kiss at the teen's neck. The hand on Johnnie's hip slides to his stomach, gently rubbing it. He kisses and nibbles on the other's neck. He leaves a trail of marks as he makes it to the brunette's shoulder. Johnnie reaches up to grip the back of Bryan's head with one hand. He drags the blonde closer to him as he continues his assault on his neck and shoulder. There's dark spots forming. Bryan notes in the back of his mind that he'll need to get Johnnie a good concealer later. 

     "Bryan, please..." Johnnie's voice is very breathy. He's shaking and quivering. Bryan smirks against his skin. "Please, please, please," Johnnie chants as the blonde slowly moves his hand to his clothed sex. He smirks as the boy whimpers. Bryan pulls away completely, much to the teen's disappointment. But he doesn't stay away for long before he's tugging at Johnnie's pants. He slides them down his thighs, over his feet, then drops them a few feet away. Johnnie shivers. The blonde leans in, kissing him passionately. He pours his attraction into the kiss, every ounce of emotion possible seeping between their lips. Johnnie has gotten the hang of kissing by now, easily following the adult's lead. They both pour their souls into the kiss, saliva and emotion mingling between their lips and tongues. Bryan pulls away to peel Johnnie's boxers off. They stick to his core just a little bit before they go easily. He carefully sets them to the side. 

    "I'm going to make you feel so good, baby," Bryan whispers as he moves to get on his knees. Johnnie grips the counter tightly with one hand, the other moving to cover his mouth.Bryan's breath ghosts over his cunt as soon as he's on his knees, leaning forward. The teen whimpers as he feels it. Bryan presses a kiss to his thighs, nipping and paying close attention to every inch. There's a few small red dots along his thighs by the time Bryan decides to move to the main course. He presses a kiss to the skin above his sex. Then, he leans in and gives one big swipe across his slit. He lets it slide between the teen's folds. Johnnie tries to hide his whimpers. "Don't hide from me, sweetheart." Bryan purrs into his pussy. 

    When the blonde leans back in and gets back to licking, Johnnie lets out a shaky whimper. The adult finds the teen's clit and begins sucking. Johnnie jolts and the hand covering his mouth flies to Bryan's head. He bucks up into the blonde's mouth as moans and gasps escape his. He releases his clit from his mouth and licks down to his entrance. He teases a little bit before plunging his tongue in. Johnnie gasps loudly at the feeling, head rolling back. He laps at his hole, sliding over his walls. Johnnie lets out moans, feeling the squirming inside him. Bryan pulls away, drawing a whimper from the teen. "You taste so good. Being such a good boy for me," He says into the warm pussy in front of him. "So good," He murmurs as he leans back in. His tongue traces Johnnie's clit, soft circles alternating with firm licks. Then there was a finger probing at his hole. 

    Johnnie gasps as he feels a finger enter him. His back arches at the feeling. The finger probes his walls, rubbing and stroking is interior. The blonde between his thighs starts sucking his clit rather than licking. He alternates between sucking and licking. He slides another finger in alongside his first. He scissors both fingers, searching for something. He seems to catch on a certain spot that makes Johnnie moan louder. Bryan releases his suction on the teen's clit just enough to speak. "Found it." Before he's diving in again to latch onto his clit and continue rubbing that spot inside. It drives Johnnie insane, thighs clenching and trapping the blonde between his thighs further. He squirms as he whimpers and moans at the onslaught. Bryan slides another finger in, filling him with three fingers. It's a stretch and it kind of hurts but the pleasure seems to ease it mildly til it becomes just borderline uncomfortable. Bryan fucks his fingers in and out, making sure to catch them on Johnnie's sweet spot on every thrust in. 

     "I feel funny...." Johnnie manages to breathe out. Bryan chuckles, sending vibrations through Johnnie's clit. The brunette tenses up as his pussy clenches, sudden gush of slick flowing out. His mouth is gaping open, eyes squeezed shut. He's no longer breathing, air halted in his lungs. It's as though he's been pulled taut. His thighs lock around the head between them. Bryan keeps sucking him through it, fingers keeping their pace inside. This earns a pathetic whimper from the kid. He brings both shaky hands up to push at the blonde's head. He whimpers and cries, voice too weak to properly beg. Bryan pulls off with a loud pop, fingers sliding out. He leans back to make eye contact with Johnnie and makes a show of sucking his fingers. 

     "You taste so good, darling. Now, I think it's time I fuck you properly," He says. Johnnie whines in response. He makes grabby hands for the blonde. Bryan stands again, standing between pale thighs. Johnnie reaches up with shaky hands to gently cradle his face. He leans in to kiss the blonde. It's sloppy and he can taste himself on Bryan's mouth, finding it surprisingly arousing. He whimpers as a finger finds it's way back to his core. A finger slides between his lips, tracing from his entrance to his clit. He makes the movement a few times before he retracts his hands entirely from the boy. He reaches for his waistband, easily sliding his pants and boxers down enough for his cock to spring free. He doesn't pull away from Johnnie enough to allow him to see it. He buries the teen's face in his neck so he can line himself up. He lines up, causing him to whimper at the feeling of something touching his sensitive core. 

     Bryan plunges in. He spears the kid on his dick, earning a loud moan. Bryan slowly starts to move back and forth. Johnnie clings to him as he does, and soon the blonde is fucking him in earnest. He thrusts forward quickly, drawing back as fast. Johnnie moans loudly, voice broken as he's ruthlessly fucked. "Fuck, you're taking it so well. Such a good boy for me," Bryan says, voice deep and tight. He plunges in over and over. Johnnie clings to him, lost in the sensation, loving every second. Bryan feels himself reaching his peak so her reaches down to toy with the teen's clit. Johnnie tenses as he's toyed with. Soon he's tumbling over the edge once more, his pussy clenching down on Bryan's dick. It's the final thing Bryan needs and he cums deep inside Johnnie. They both melt in the afterglow, enjoying the feel of each other's embrace. Bryan holds him close as they relish in the moment. They both hopes this lasts more than one morning, both for different reasons.

Chapter Text

Johnnie sits in the kitchen as he watches Bryan make breakfast. His phone digs on the table and he glances down at it. It's a text from Kyle asking to come over. "Hey, can Kyle come over?" He asks. His eyes slide up to look at the blonde who stands at the stove. Bryan stands in nothing but a pair of loose sweatpants. He turns to look at Johnnie over his shoulder. He seems to contemplate the question for a second before he nods.

"Sure, just don't burn down the house. I have to go out today. Spending some time with my family," he says before turning back to the stove. Johnnie chuckles at the joke and smiles fondly. He texts an affirmative to the other teen.

"No promises." He teases. This earns a playful glare from the blonde. Johnnie just sticks out his tongue in response. Bryan rolls his eyes. He begins to plate the food and then makes his way over. He sets one of the plates in front of Johnnie and the teen presses a kiss to his lips in thanks. He still finds it a little weird since it's only been three weeks since they had sex but he really likes kissing his boyfriend. He also really likes calling Bryan his boyfriend. He smiles as the blonde ruffles his hair before sitting down beside him. They eat in silence, occasionally stealing something off each other's plates. Eventually they finish their meal and head to their own rooms to get dressed. They settle on the couch to watch a little bit of TV for a few minutes. 

"Sorry, I have to go now. I'll see you later, baby." Bryan carefully extracts himself from the teen, standing up and stretching. He leans down to kiss Johnnie and then he's heading out the door. The brunette waves to him as he exits. He sits alone, watching the TV for a while before he gets up. He wanders into Bryan's room and snoops through his closet. He finds a hoodie and tugs it on. It's bigger on him, easily sliding down to cover both arms. They're mostly healed by now but he still feels self conscious about them, angry red marks harsh against his pale complexion. A few more minutes pass by when he receives a text from Kyle. He sees that the slightly older teen is on his way and he smiles a little. He stands up and tidies around the apartment a little to pass the time. Eventually there’s a knock on the front door and he moves to let the other in.

“Hey man! It’s been a while. What have you been up to?” Kyle immediately wraps the smaller teen in a hug. Johnnie chuckles at the enthusiasm before breaking away to lead him into the apartment.

“Nothing much. Um, I actually have something to tell you.” He sits on the couch, fidgeting with his sleeves nervously. Kyle takes the spot beside him. He reaches over and grabs both of Johnnie’s hands with his own. He leans forward to catch the brunette’s eyes.

“Whatever it is, I won’t judge you. I’m here for you man.” He smiles reassuringly and Johnnie takes a deep breath. They stare into each other’s eyes for a moment longer while Johnnie msuters up the courage.

“I’m gay and I started seeing someone. I really like him and I don’t want anything to change between me and you just because it’s a guy and I really like him a whole lot. Like he means so much to me, he’s been a great friend for a while. I think I might actually be a little bit in love with him.” Johnnie starts rambling, once the first words are out, they’re hard to keep the rest in. His grip on Kyle’s hands has tightened and it’s clear he’s mildly panicking. 

“Hey! It’s ok. You being gay or whatever doesn’t change anything. I’m happy for you. Whoever you’re dating is a super lucky guy. I can’t wait to meet him.” He smiles softly. It seems to ease Johnnie a little bit. “So, what does Bryan think of him?” He gently prods. If Bryan knows about this, there’s no way he’s ok with it. Kyle knew how possessive of the teen he was. He wasn’t allowed to touch Johnnie when he was invited for Play Time. He could only watch and revel in the memory of even getting to see the other like that. He couldn’t imagine how Bryan would react to Johnnie dating someone.

Johnnie flushes at the mention of the blonde. “Um, it’s actually Bryan….” He trails off. The teen ducks his head, gently pulling his hands away. He fidgets with the hoodie he’s wearing and suddenly Kyle recognizes it as the adult’s upon further inspection. He’s rendered speechless. He wasn’t expectating Bryan to actually start a relationship with him. He just assumed he’d keep it secret and wouldn’t even tell Johnnie.

“Wow. That’s, wow,” he responds. “He treat you well?” Johnnie nods. “As long as he treats you well and you actually want to be with him, that’s all that matters.” He gives a tight smile. Johnnie seems to relax at that and it’s easy to fall into a regular hang out. They watch shitty cable and make shitty jokes. A few hours go by and soon Kyle is asking about dinner. They both agree on take out from a local chinese restaurant. They keep watching TV while they wait for their food. Once it arrives, Kyle is the one who answers the door and pays. He barely sets it on the coffee table before Johnnie is up off the couch, running to the bathroom. Kyle rushes in behind him, holding his hair back and rubbing his back. “Are you ok?” He asks concerned.

“Yeah, just the smell made me nauseous. It’s not the first time this has happened.” Kyle gives him a worried look. “It’s been going on for a couple weeks. Not long and not everything. Just most things.” He tries to reassure the other teen. This just makes Kyle even more concerned. He glances around the bathroom and his eyes land on the tampons by the toilet. He braces himself for an awkward question.

“Hey, um, when was the last time you had, uh, sex?” He feels his face heats up.

“Um, Saturday…” Johnnie’s also lights up.

“Those, um, tampons don’t happen to be yours, do they?

“Yeah, they, uh, are….” 

“Don’t hit me for suggesting this but, um, could you be pregnant?” He looks Johnnie in the eye. He sees the gears turning and then the color slowly fading from his face.

“You don’t think….” Johnnie is paler than normal as the question sinks in. He covers his mouth with one hand as things start to click together. He kept puking randomly for a few weeks, was getting dizzy more than he ever did before, he seemed to be prone to headaches lately, and the most glaring sign was his period being late. “Holy shit, I might be pregnant.” He begins hyperventilating and Kyle is quick to grab onto his hands. He carefully walks him through a panic attack.

“Breathe with me, Johnnie. In, out, in, out, in, out. Good, you’re doing good. Keep breathing.” Soon Johnnie has been talked down and they’re both sitting on the bathroom floor. 

“Fuck, I need to take a test….” He mutters.

“Hey, we can go get a test together. I’ll be here for you every step of the way,” Kyle reassures him gently. Johnnie nods numbly. The blonde stands up and offers a hand to the brunette. He helps him up before dragging him to the living room. They put their shoes on, then they’re out the door on their way to the convenience store on the corner. They walk in silence, Johnnie still processing and Kyle worried. Once inside, they make a beeline for the pregnancy tests. They stare at the wall of them, confused.

“This ones really good and accurate. Tell your girlfriend I’m sorry if it’s positive.” A random girl walks up and grabs one of the tests off the shelf, holding it out to Kyle. He takes it with a tight smile.

“Thanks.” 

“No problem. Seriously though, you should try condoms and plan B next time,” she says sympathetically. She leaves them in the aisle. Kyle turns back to the other teen and starts to hold the box out to him before thinking better of it. He begins to walk to the cash register, Johnnie following close behind. He sets it on the conveyer belt, not making eye contact with the cashier. The cashier gives him a pitying look as she rings him up. He misses the candy bar she slips into the bag. She rings him up and he pays. Then they’re back on their way to the apartment.

“I’ll be right outside the door for you. Yell if you need anything.” He pats Johnnie on the shoulder before closing the bathroom door.

Johnnie opens the box with shaky hands. He reads the instructions before going through the process of peeing on the stick. He sets it to the side, setting a timer for ten minutes. He sits on the floor, back pressed to the wall facing the sink. He closes his eyes so he isn’t staring at the test on the edge. Subconsciously, one hand slides under his hoodie sleeve to rub his scars. The wait is long, feels too long but he’s jolted back to reality by his sharp alarm. He bolts up to pick up the test. He stares at it for a second before turning to open the door, test still in hand. “So?” Kyle asks anxiously.

“It’s positive.”

Chapter Text

The teenager sits on his bed, staring blankly at the wall. Kyle had left a few hours ago, his mom requesting him home. Bryan still wasn't home and probably wouldn't be until the next day. His phone lit up with a text. It was from Kyle. Just a link to the local Planned Parenthood with a GIF of a cat hanging on a tree branch with the text “hang in there” on it. He scoffed as he looked at it. It gave him an idea and his eyes drifted towards his closet. He sets his phone down and makes his way over. He opens it, shoves a few hangers to the side, then grabs one of his ties he doesn't wear. He ties it in a look then onto the bar inside. He steps into the closet, looping the tie around his neck. He takes a deep breath before dropping to his knees.

His air is cut off for a few seconds before the tie gives out and the knots come undone, letting him fall forward with a thud. He curls up around himself as he begins to softly cry. Suddenly, he thinks he should've stayed with his mom. He shouldn't have dropped out. He shouldn't have let his dad's death affect him so much. It's been a few years now. He shouldn't still be letting it control his life. He sobs as he thinks about what is going on. He's 15. He's been trying to pass as a boy for years. He's on his way to becoming a famous YouTuber. He's just gotten a boyfriend. He has friends now! But he's also pregnant. That will all go away. 

Johnnie cries as he tries to think of what can happen to him as a teen dad. Or would he be a teen mom? Forced to detransition to accommodate a kid? Forced to be a mom he doesn't want to be? He digs his fingernails into his arms. They pierce his skin and he jolts up in shock when he feels the warm sensation of blood. He pulls his arms away, blood under his nails. He looks where he dug into his arms, small crescents steadily seeping red. He sighs in disappointment. 

He wipes at his face before standing up and approaching his bed. He hesitates before clicking on the link. It opens up and he's bombarded with information. He scrolls through, steadily becoming more and more overwhelmed. He clicks on the make an appointment button and is hit with many dates and times. He panics and clicks on one. He sets up a random time, fills out the necessary information, then promptly turns off his phone and throws it across the room. It hits the wall and falls onto a pile of laundry in the corner. He looks over at his desk where the positive test sits and makes his way over to shove it in the bottom of his drawer. 

He sniffles as he reaches for Bryan's hoodie that he tossed on his chair. He tugs it on before making his way towards his door. He pauses when he spots his mirror. He approaches the mirror and raises his tops to look at his stomach. He turns to the side, smoothing a hand over it. There's a very thin layer of fat that could be easily missed and assumed to be from actually eating. Bryan had gotten him to eat more than he had in years. The weight gain wasn't unexpected but it did alarm Johnnie. He always wanted to be super thin, however, Bryan didn't let that slide. He slowly broke down Johnnie's resolve and had him eating more than ever. You couldn't tell with all the loose clothes Johnnie wore. He scoffed as he let go of his clothes. He resumes his journey to the kitchen where he grabs a granola bar. He leans against the counter as he snacks on it.

He contemplates his options as he stands there. He could get an abortion, nip it in the bud. Or he could carry the pregnancy to term and then put the baby up for adoption. Keep it closed so he wouldn't be given constant reminders that he gave up his baby. He could raise it. Let it hang out in his womb for a few months and then bring it into the world and care for it. He doesn't know if he could afford that. He doesn't know if Bryan even wants any kids. Doesn't know how the adult will react. Obviously, it's Bryan's kid, Johnnie hasn't been with anyone else. Bryan was his first everything. He was his everything. He extended a rope and pulled him out of the sea. Let him stay with him. Showed him what he could be. He's helping him out. Johnnie can't stick a kid on him. He's already doing so much for Johnnie! He couldn't ask him to take care of a kid too! He shouldn't ask him to. He could always move back in with his mom. But then she'll want to know who the father is and he shouldn't tell her it's Bryan's and he definitely can't tell her that he doesn't know. She'd be so disappointed. Before Johnnie realizes what he's doing, running on autopilot, he climbs into bed and falls asleep. 

The next morning, he wakes to warmth pressed against him. He looks over his shoulder, being met with a mop of blonde hair. He smiles softly. He lets his eyes close once more, leaning into the embrace. He feels arms around his stomach tighten. His eyes fly open as he's reminded of the previous day's events. Suddenly he has to get out of the hold, what if the other feels something in his uterus? What if he can tell that the weight gain isn’t from eating? What if it’s all over? Johnnie knows it’s all irrational, knows that it’s too early to tell anything from his stomach area alone, but he still panics. He manages to pry the arms away and scramble out of bed. He hears rustling behind him but that’s the least of his concerns. Right now he has to get to the bathroom to puke. And once he’s in there, puke he does. He retches so hard he can feel his entire body convulse. Rushed footsteps approach the bathroom and soon there’s a hand rubbing his back soothingly. “Hey, baby. You ok? What’s wrong?” Bryan’s worried voice carries through the bathroom.

“I’m fine, I think I ate something bad last night.” Johnnie's voice is rough, throat sore now. He coughs a few more times before he collapses against his boyfriend. Bryan coos at him softly, trying to comfort him. He presses a kiss to his forehead before reaching for the toilet handle to flush. He starts to stand, carefully bringing the teen with him.

“C’mon, let’s get you back to bed. I had some appointments today, but I’ll cancel them to be with you today.” He smiles sweetly as he gently guides the other to the bed.

“No, no! Don’t cancel anything for me! I’ll be ok!” The teen protests. They go back and forth, all while Bryan is tucking Johnnie back into bed.

“Fine. I won’t cancel them. But you call me if anything is wrong! Or if you need anything!” Bryan finally relents. Johnnie hastily agrees to the conditions. Bryan sighs before he goes to his room to get ready for the day. He returns after a few minutes, approaching the black-haired boy. “I really hate leaving you by yourself in this state. I’m sorry. If Kyle didn’t have school, I’d ask him to come sit with you. But I guess you’ll be ok. Remember what I said? Call me if you need anything.” He kisses Johnnie’s forehead before he’s out the door. Once he’s gone, Johnnie gets up to grab his phone. He turns it on, seeing that he had accidentally scheduled his appointment for today. He groans as he sees the reminder text. He tries to think of how he could get there, suddenly wishing he could drive or that Kyle wasn’t in school. But he is scared of driving and Kyle really can’t miss any more school right now. He’ll have to take the bus.

Chapter Text

Johnnie sits on the bus, hood pulled up and face concealed. He tries to appear small, go unnoticed. He has his earbuds in, waiting for his stop. He’s listening to My Chemical Romance, their music being what he really needs at the moment. The bus stops a little ways away from the Planned Parenthood. He gets off, tugging his hood up over his face more as he walks towards the clinic. Once inside, he approaches the service desk. A nice looking woman sits on the other side of the glass. Her hair is light brown and pinned back, a pair of wire framed glasses on her nose. She’s wearing a floral scrub like top. “Hello, dear. Is there something I can help you with?” Her voice is honey as it wraps him in a reassuring hug. He feels some of his anxiety die as she smiles at him.

“Um, I had an appointment for Johnnie Oddell…” he trails off. The woman types on her computer, confirms his appointment, and then tells him to sit down and fill out some paperwork. As he’s sitting, he looks around the room. There’s a girl, maybe a few years older than him, crying in a chair as an older woman he assumes to be her mom fills out the papers. The mom looks disappointed in her daughter. There’s another girl, her stomach huge. She’s sitting with an angry expression and there’s a guy beside her who looks very upset. It’s obvious they’ve gotten in a fight. He does his best to focus on his paperwork, barely managing to understand it. He fills it out on autopilot, dissociating as he goes through the motions. Eventually he finishes  it up and goes to give it back to the woman at the desk. She smiles at him as she tells him something he doesn’t catch but nods to anyways. He makes his way back to his seat. The angry woman looks at him and scrunches her face up in obvious displeasure. 

“Aren’t you a little young to be here? What are you doing, getting tested for aids or something?” She calls out to him. He flushes as he sinks further in his seat. She seems to be waiting for an answer and scoffs when he doesn’t respond. “Whatever, fag.” She grumbles. He feels shame rumbling in his gut. He looks down at his feet so he doesn’t have to look at anyone else in the room. He knows she’s just taking her anger out on him as he is obviously an easy target but it still hurts. One by one, everyone leaves the waiting room. The girl with her mom is called back before the angry woman. When the angry woman is called in, the man with her stays behind. Not too long after, the girl and her mom comes back out. The mom appears to be lecturing the girl. Johnnie feels more shame in his gut. It doesn’t take much more time for him to be called back and he hesitates before following the nurse back.

“We just need to get your vitals, then you can collect a urine sample, and once the results are in, the doctor will be in here to discuss it with you.” She’s sweet. Her light brown hair is pulled back into a neat bun, star clips holding her bangs in place around her face. She wears dark blue scrubs, little white hearts decorating the fabric. As she walks through the process of taking his temp, blood pressure, and pulse-ox he notes the perfectly manicured light pink nails. “Ok, everything is looking good. Now, you can take this to the bathroom just down the hall and leave it in the little cuby hole. Someone will grab it and test it then the doctor will come in to tell you the results and any options you have.” She smiles at him, holding out a small sample cup. “There should be a sharpie in there so you can just write your name on it.” And then she leads him to the bathroom. 

He writes his name with shaky hands, anxiety spiking. He could just leave the empty cup and not come back. He could just leave this appointment. But then he’d be plagued with the what ifs. He wouldn’t be able to call complete deniability. He’d have the appointment on his conscience. Unsure if he is actually with child or if he’s just tricked himself into thinking it. He takes a deep breathe and then drops his pants. He squats over the toilet and pees into the cup. Once he’s deemed it enough, he puts the lid on it, pulls his pants up, washes his hands, and then plops it in the cuby hole. He stands there for a moment, listening to the nurses on the other side chatting about their days and asking for the test. He leaves the bathroom after washing his hands a second time, stoppign just outside his exam room to use the hand sanitizer there. He walks in and sits on the bed thing in the center of the room. He picks at his hands as he waits. 

Eventually the door opens and in walks a woman wearing a nice light pink top and black leggings. Her black curly hair is pushed back by a white scarf that compliments her dark complexion nicely. “Hi, I’m Doctor Naomi Lazkin but you can just call me Naomi. You’re Johnnie, correct?” She smiles softly at him. He feels some of his anxiety melt away but he’s still tense. He nods instead of verbally answering. She seems to accept his response, grabbing the stool and pulling it up to sit in front of him. “Ok, well, we got your results back and it was positive. You are pregnant.” She’s obviously trying to break the new softly but he already knew that it would be. Multiple tests kind of told him that. He feels his heart sink because of the medical professional anyways. She pulls out a stack of brochures from her clipboard. “You have a few options. You can carry through with the pregnancy and we can help set up some assistance. Parenting classes, therapy, whatever you need.” She hands him a brochure and the words on front indicate it’s about carrying a baby and caring for said baby. “Or you can go with adoption. There are a few options for adoption. A closed adoption means that you will not be involved with the baby after birth at all. They will go with a family and you won’t be able to keep in touch or get updates. An open adoption allows you to keep in contact. They can send you updates on how the baby is doing and sometimes the families who adopt will even allow the birth parents to be in their lives.” She hands him two brochures, one on closed adoption and the other on open adoption. “And then the third option is abortion. I know that’s a scary word and it is a scary option but it’s not as horrible as it sounds. We can do the procedure and you can go home in the same day.” She hands him a pamphlet with the word in big white letters across the top. 

He stares at the pamphlets in his hands. This makes it real. He has to make a decision. He can’t just pretend it’s not happening. He’s pregnant. With Bryan’s baby. Subconsciously, his hand shifts to press against his stomach. He’s scared. He doesn’t know what to do. “You don’t have to decide right now. We’ll need to do an ultrasound to see about how far along you are and we can get that out of the way.” Naomi seems to pick up his apprehension. She smiles at him again. “I’m going to go get the ultrasound tech so that you can get that out of the way then you’ll need to stop by the front desk to make another appointment.” And with that she’s leaving the room to get a third person. Johnnie stares numbly at the pamphlets in his hands. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He really should get an abortion. There’s no way he and Bryan can bring a child into the picture without any questions. Maybe they could say Bryan had a fling with a girl who didn’t want anything to do with either. But Johnnie would feel bad about not owning up to being the other dad. They could say Johnnie messed around with someone and ended up with a kid but that’d probably cause some concern too. He feels like he’s going to cry by the time the ultrasound tech comes in.

“Hi, I’m Larissa. I’m going to be doing your ultrasound today. If you’ll just lay back and pull up your shirt some we can begin.” He does as she says, a little intimidated by the all black clothes she wears and the thick eyeliner. She’s wearing a coffin necklace and her black hair is pulled into a tight french braid. He gulps as she positions the machine beside him. She grabs a bottle of something, “This will be a little cold.” And then there’s a squirt and he flinches at the cold gel on his stomach. She smiles apologetically as she grabs the wand. She presses it against his stomach and slides it around. She starts to smile big when she seems to get the results she was hoping for. “Would you like to see?” She turns to look at him. He hesitates before nodding. She turns the screen towards him and points to a blob. “Here’s your baby. Looks about 6 weeks along. Appears healthy, are you ready to hear the heartbeat?” He nods again. She hits a few buttons and suddenly the room is filled with a rhythmic thump-thump-thump. He’s amazed. She seems to pick up on that. “Would you like a copy of the sonogram?” He nods. A few more buttons and then it’s being printed. She makes a few notes before handing him a paper towel. “You can go ahead and get that gunk off.” He does and she hands him the sonogram. He takes it with shaky hands before she tells him he is free to go. He walks on autopilot to the front desk. He barely manages to schedule another appointment, too amazed by the picture in his hand.

He walks to the bus stop with the picture shoved in his pocket and earbuds playing music. He doesn’t even know what he’s listening to, mind preoccupied with the image of his baby. Of Bryan’s baby. Of their baby. He smiles on the bus ride home, eyes locked on the sonogram. He almost misses his stop, so absorbed in his own world. When he gets home, he’s greeted by an empty apartment. He sighs, heading to his room. He stuffs the brochures and the sonogram in a random book on his desk before diving into his bed. He falls asleep pretty quickly, not even getting the chance to plug in his phone. He dreams about a life with him and Bryan and their baby.

“Hey, baby.” He’s woken by gentle fingers in his hair a few hours later. He looks up sleepily at his boyfriend. He smiles as he starts to sit up. “How’d you sleep? Good I hope?” Johnnie nods. Bryan laughs before leaning down to kiss him. Johnnie eagerly responds to the kiss, leaning into him. “I brough dinner.” He says softly. He helps Johnnie stand before leading him to the dining room. On the table there’s two steaks, mashed potatoes, and a bottle of wine. It’s obvious he went to the steakhouse Johnnie loves. He smiles at his boyfriend, leaning up to kiss him. Bryan steers him to the table, pulling out a chair for him. Once Johnnie is situated, he sits himself across from the other. He pours them both wine. “Go on, dig in.” He smiles at Johnnie. He eagerly digs in.

“How was your day?” Johnnie asks, happy to see Bryan talking excitedly about his day. He nods where it’s appropriate, giving his input when necessary. He doesn’t touch his wine. Bryan doesn’t notice. He’s finished his meal when Bryan has completely abandoned his own in exchange for wildly gesticulating with his hands through a story. Johnnie watches him with rapt attention. He finds himself imagining what their baby would look like. Would it have Bryan’s curly hair or Johnnie’s straight hair? Would it have Bryan’s icy blue eyes or Johnnie’s bright blue eyes? Would it get dark blonde or bright blonde hair?

“Ok, what’s up? You stopped paying attention to my story and seem very distracted. Did something happen?” Bryan’s voice cuts into his thoughts and he feels his face burn.

“Oh, sorry. It’s nothing.” He says. He sees Bryan about to protest but he cuts him off when a sudden burst of confidence hits him. “Actually, I want to show you something. Stay here.” He gets up and moves to his room. He grabs the sonogram, looking at it with a smile before hiding it behind his back and approaching the dining room again. “Surprise!” He says as he holds out the picture. Bryan takes it and stares at it in confusion for a second. 

“Johnnie, what is this?” He says, face and voice blank.

“It’s a sonogram. I went to the doctor today and I’m pregnant.” He says nervously.

“You have to get an abortion.” Bryan turns his gaze to the teenager in front of him.

“Can’t we talk about the other options?” Johnnie feels small under the scrutinizing gaze of his boyfriend.

“Johnnie, I am older than you. And while you are mature for your age, not everyone agrees with that. If anyone finds out that you’re pregnant with my kid, I could go to jail. No one else understands our love. And what will you tell your mom? That you’re having sex outside of marriage? You know how she is. She loves you, yes, but she also believes it’s a marital act.” Bryan reasons. Johnnie feels tears in his eyes.

“I thought we could at least talk about other options. I can hide it and then we can say that one of us accidentally got someone pregnant and she didn’t want anything to do with us or the kid. We can, we can put them up for adoption.” Johnnie’s lip wobbles.

“No! You are getting an abortion. End of discussion.” Bryan yells, slamming his fist on the table. Johnnies starts to sob. 

“Please don’t make me.” He cries out. Bryan sighs as he stands to wrap Johnnie up in his arms. 

“I’m sorry, baby. But we can’t have a kid together. It’s too risky. You have to get rid of it before it gets us in trouble. I love you so much, I can’t lose you. When you’re older we can revisit this.” He says softly, kissing his forehead. Johnnie clings to him. He knows that Bryan is right but he wants to pretend he isn’t. He wants to keep the baby. He wants to raise them with Bryan. But he supposes he’ll wait.

“I love you.” He mumbles into Bryan’s chest.

Chapter Text

Johnnie sits in the office by himself as he waits. He’d been given a hospital gown and some painkillers. Now he was just waiting for the ultrasound tech and the doctor to come in to go through with the abortion. He was nervous. He could feel the anxiety bubbling under his skin. Eventually, the two come in along with a nurse. The tech is nice as she explains how she just needs to confirm location and make sure he’s good to have the procedure. She talks him through the entire time. He asks for a final sonogram. The three women all give him sad smiles but she prints it for him anyways. Once she’s done, she gives the all clear to the doctor and nurse. The nurse grabs a tray, pushing it towards the doctor. “Ok, you’re just going to feel a little bit of pressure as I use this speculum to open your vaginal canal.” His face scrunches up in discomfort as she inserts the speculum and opens it. “And now a small pinch as I inject the local anesthetic.” He tries not to flinch as he feels the needle stab into his walls. He takes a deep breathe as she praises him. “Ok, we’re going to give that about five minutes to kick in, then we will make sure you’re numb and proceed with the procedure.” He looks at the sonogram in his hands, a longing settling deep in his chest. “Ok, now tell me if you feel this.” She does something but all he feels is a dull sensation. It’s not really there so he shakes his head. “Perfect. Now I will begin the procedure.” The nurse hands off a tool and the doctor starts to go in.

“Wait!” Johnnie yells out in panic. He starts to sit up as the tools are quickly moved away from his vagina. “I don't want to do it.” He says, voice panicked and tears threatening to fall. Immediately the tools are discarded on the table and his legs are being lowered from the stirrups as the nurse helps him sit up fully.

“That's ok. We don't have to do this.” The doctor soothes. She starts to remove her gloves. “You can take a breather for now, and then you can redress and wait for the anesthesia to wear off. Then you'll be safe to leave.” She says in an understanding tone. She stands up. “It's totally normal to change your mind. I'll go get you some water and then we'll leave you for a few minutes unless you want one of us to sit with you.” 

“I'll be ok by myself.” He says. She nods and then leaves before returning with some cold water. She and the nurse leave and he's left alone to sit. He wipes at his eyes as he feels the tears start to fall. He sniffles. “Fuck, I can't keep it. But I can't get rid of it.” He says to himself. He places a hand on his stomach and looks down at it. He can't actually picture himself growing bigger but he can definitely picture himself holding his baby. He smiles. “I'm going to keep you. Everyone else can just deal with it.” He tells the lump of cells in his uterus. After some time, he manages to get up to put his clothes back on. It's not much hassle to leave and get another checkup scheduled.

On the way home he thinks about things to tell his family. He really needs to tell his mom. She'd understand if he told her who the dad is, right? And Kyle would be understanding. He hadn't reacted super negative to the news of his relationship with Bryan. He also didn't react negatively to the pregnancy either. He could raise a kid. He'd be a good dad. Bryan would be a good dad. He smiles at the thought, idly rubbing his stomach. He almost misses his stop due to his daydream. He decides to text Kyle. 

J: hey i decided to keep it

K: rlly? r u sure that's a good idea?

J: it's fine:)

K: wat if ppl find out it's bryans? you'll have lots of rape allegations 

Johnnie pauses. He hadn't thought about that. He frowns. 

J: it's fine ill just let ppl know it was consensual. 

J: besides, we've been dating for 2 weeks already.

K: oh yea 

K: 2 weeks

That gives Johnnie an uneasy feeling. They had only been together a week. And he was already seven weeks along. How could that be? Kyle's earlier statement rings in his head. He ignores Kyle's message. It's fine. Nothing happened. If something happened, he'd remember it. Besides, he was only ever around Bryan and he wouldn't do something like that. He cares about Johnnie too much.

He waits for Bryan to get home. As he's scrolling through Instagram, he's stopped by a series of photos. It's a girl sitting with a piece of paper held out. She's not much older than he is. He reads it.

‘When I was 13, I had an older boyfriend.’

Swipe.

‘He was 23.’

Swipe.

‘He told me I was the best thing ever. I thought he was too.’

Swipe.

‘He gave me beer. He said it's because I was mature. I never remembered what happened after.’

Swipe. 

‘He wanted to have sex but I told him I wanted to wait.’

Swipe.

‘A year later my period was late.’

Swipe.

‘My mom made me take a pregnancy test.’

Swipe.

‘It was positive.’

Swipe. 

‘My mom ended up kicking me out and I moved in with a friend. I told my boyfriend.’

Swipe.

‘He blew up at me. Said it was my fault because I wouldn't give it up.’

Swipe.

‘He had been drugging me when he gave me alcohol and raped me while I was unconscious. He left me and I couldn't afford an abortion.’

Swipe.

‘This is my baby girl, Nova. She's two years old now and I still haven't heard from her father. The cops wouldn't let me press charges because there was no evidence despite a baby growing in me.’

Swipe.

The last image is of her with her baby. They look happy but it's obvious she wasn't much older than him. He feels his gut sinking. Had that been happening to him? Had Bryan been drugging him? It would match the timeline better. They had only just had sex two weeks ago and he was already seven weeks pregnant. The math didn't add up. But if he had been drugging Johnnie, it did. He covers his mouth as he shoots up off the couch and to the bathroom where he pukes. 

That's where Bryan finds him. Hunched over the toilet, puking. “Hey, baby. How'd the appointment go?” He asks as he crouches beside him and runs his fingers through his hair. 

“I…I couldn't get the….a-abortion…..” he says. “I kept puking and the….anesthesia didn't work….” He mumbles. He hadn't thought he'd have to lie but here he is. The fingers in his hair tighten for a second and Johnnie notes a flash of anger in Bryan's eyes before he schools his expression and smiles sweetly. 

“It's ok. We can always get you in later.” He says reassuringly. “We’ll schedule another appointment. Right now, let's get you cleaned up and in bed.” He stands up, gently helping Johnnie to his feet. He sits him on the counter and grabs a washcloth. He wets it then works on wiping Johnnie's face. The teen is paler than normal, Bryan brushing it off as an after effect of what happened at his appointment. “There's my pretty boy.” He mumbles softly as he smiles. He helps him down and they go to the couch where Bryan sits Johnnie down. “You pick the movie and I'll go order us something to eat.” Johnnie watches as Bryan leaves, eventually turning his attention to the TV. He settles on The Nightmare Before Christmas, desperately needing the comfort of something safe and familiar.

Soon, the adult is settling in beside him. Johnnie tries not to tense up or let any discomfort show. He wants to be wrong. But something clicks into place. He’d felt off for a while now. He’d brushed it off, saying it was his new inclination to alcohol. He normally spent time with his head in the toilet after drinking. He feels sick. Had he unintentionally harmed his baby with all his drinking? Did he cause damage? Is his baby going to be ok? He covers his mouth as a wave of nausea hits him. He stands up to rush to the bathroom where he barely makes it to the toilet to empty his stomach’s contents. Bryan approaches and sits beside him, pushing his hair out of his face. “Maybe you should lay down, baby.” He says softly. “And if you feel this bad, you really should get that abortion.” He adds, almost as if an afterthought. Johnnie feels his stomach lurch again and he’s puking once more.

Once he’s calmed down, he tells Bryan he’s going to bed. He stands on shaky legs as he leaves for his room. Once in there, he drags his trashcan to sit beside his bed so he doesn’t have to leave his room. He settles into his bed, blankets wrapped around himself. He pulls out his laptop and opens google. He types in “abortion laws nebraska” and hesitates. He stares at it, not hitting enter. He takes a deep breathe before hitting enter. He’s greeted with article after article. He knew he lied about his age for his appointment but that had been a panicked response. Now he knows he was right to do so. If he’d been truthful, then they’d have turned him down. He reads as much as he can, learning horror stories of abortions gone wrong and women being lied to. Of women dying when they turned to unsafe alternatives. He learns he can’t get an abortion at the twelve week mark. His hand moves to rub his stomach idly. He’s scared. He wants to keep the baby, knows it’s wrong, but if his thoughts are true then it’ll help him. He just needs to prolong the appointment another five weeks. If he tells Bryan he’s only two weeks along and that the next available appointment is five or six weeks out that should give him time. He just needs to plan his next move very carefully. He pulls out the sonogram from his pocket, staring at it lovingly.

“We’ll get through this.”

Chapter Text

Hey guys. I know most of you probably don't really care what's going on in my life. But what's going on will be affecting this story. I hate updating fics with author notes instead of actual chapters, I like to put them in the notes sections of the chapters but I don't have a new chapter. And I might not ever have a new chapter for this. At this moment I am unsure. It has been brought to my attention that this story makes it seem like I am glorifying childhoood sexual abuse and abusive relationships and sexualizing trans men. In no way does this intend to do any of that. I started this based off just a silly little thought I had from rewatching some of Johnnie's older videos. This wasn't meant to go far or turn into much but it has grown so much. At first it was just me seeing how far I could push my own boundaries and then it turned into my coping mechanism and now it's just a way for me to try and shine some light on the harder topics of life. In no way was this meant to sexualize or glorify anything. It has and will always be my way of showing the dark sides of the internet and society.

This fanfiction is fucked up. I have addressed that many times. Right now, I am unsure if I want to continue this story. I have gotten some hate for it over the last few months and while the love and support has mostly overshadowed that it's just too much right now. My mental health is terrible right now. And I have been attacked. I'm not going to play the victim card because some of it was deserved but it could have been worded differently. I am deeply sorry to anyone this has triggered and I am deeply sorry to those expecting an update.

I might not finish this. And if I decide to no longer update, I will be completely deleting the story. I won't leave it up on Archive Of Our Own. If I do decide to delete it, I will give everyone 48 hour notice so they can download it if they want before I remove it. If I do delete it, that doesn't mean it's gone forever and maybe one day I will reupload it and return to it. But that is not to be worried about right now. Right now I am putting this on hiatus for an unknown amount of time. Currently my mental health is the most important thing for me and because of the problems that have arisen in the last few hours I don't even want to write anything. Good chance I might drop all of my stories after this. I might never write anything and share it again. That's unclear.

I am so sorry.

SceneKing69 signing off.

Chapter Text

Johnnie had managed to get the appointment prolonged. Bryan had gotten swept up with work. Johnnie had been in charge of a lot of his recordings. Even Kyle had come around more for some videos. It was a good few weeks. He’d managed to convince Bryan that it wasn’t a pressing matter. Now he’s sitting in the waiting room with Bryan beside him. He’s anxious, knee-bouncing. He knows what’s going to come. He knows he’s going to be turned down for an abortion. He will have to tell Bryan he’s farther along than he thought. He will have to face the wrath of lying to his boyfriend. He takes a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. He can tell Bryan wants to reach out and comfort him but won’t because they’re not the only ones in the waiting room. 

There are two couples across from them and what appears to be a mother and her two kids. The mother looks suspiciously at Johnnie and Bryan. She appears to be studying them carefully. Johnnie pulls his hood tighter around his head before stuffing his hands in his hoodie pockets. He looks down at the floor, feeling her eyes boring into him. He tries to ignore it. It’s not working. He looks up at her and sees a reflection of himself. She looks exhausted. A hand rests on her flat stomach. She’s clearly uncomfortable with her reason for being here. She looks worse for wear. One of her kids is sleeping beside her and the other is scribbling in a sketchbook. 

He looks away, trying to shake the shame he can feel bubbling up. He’s saved by his name being called. He quickly makes his way over to the nurse, Bryan trailing behind him. “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t come back. It’s against patient-doctor confidentiality.” The nurse says. She smiles apologetically at the adult. Bryan looks at Johnnie for a second before nodding.

“Of course. I’ll be out here if you need me.” He gives a tight smile. Johnnie nods before following the nurse to the back. He sits down on the bed and answers her questions while she takes his vitals. It feels redundant as he sits there. He’s noticing the feelings of dissociation inching into the edges of his mind. He runs through the rest of the checkup on autopilot. It seems she notices before she bids him farewell. He can hear her leave and then he’s alone with his thoughts. What if it goes wrong? What if they can do an abortion after all? What if Bryan figures out he’d lied? His hands move to his hair to tug at the strands. He’s trying to ground himself, trying to pull the thoughts out of his head. It does little to help. 

That’s when the doctor walks in. It’s the same doctor as last time he was here. He feels a bit ashamed as he looks at her. She pauses as she looks him over, her lips pulling into a frown. “It says you are here for an abortion.” She says as she looks down at the clipboard in her hands. Johnnie nods. She flips the page as she reads more information. “You were just here and we said you were seven weeks. I know we didn’t discuss abortion laws but I’m sure you did your research.” She says softly. “We legally cannot provide the procedure seeing as you are now fourteen weeks along.” 

“I know, " he admits quietly, looking down at his hands. I lied to someone.” He feels so small sitting here, admitting his intentions to the medical professional. He feels bad. He hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but he wants to keep this baby. He wants them to grow up.

“Johnnie, is someone forcing you to get an abortion?” Her face softens as she looks at him. He tenses but says nothing. “If someone is forcing you we can help. We can give you resources. You just need to talk.” She tries.

“I’m sorry for wasting your time. It's nothing like that. I just told someone I would, but time got out of hand, " he says. She looks at him, even more heartbroken. She sighs before pulling up her stool to sit by him.

"Listen, you're young. Your paperwork says you just turned 19 but I can tell that's not entirely true, is it?" She asks. He hesitates before shaking his head. "If you are in a dangerous situation, we can help. I know someone in a clinic close to the Nebraska border who can legally do an abortion for you if you need that. Or I can get you in touch with a therapist and a case worker to get you out of a bad situation." Johnnie tenses, fight or flight response ringing loud. "I have to ask, are you being forced into prostitution?"

"No! It's not like that! I only have sex with one person. He loves me!" Johnnie can feel the tears in his eyes. "He would never hurt me." He whispers, tears starting to fall. He hears the stool roll away and then back before a box of tissues is being held in his eyesight. He accepts one to wipe his face.

"I'm going to give you a number to a friend of mine. She helps people get out of abusive and toxic environments. And I will also give you mine. Don't hesitate to call, Johnnie. I want you to be safe. You deserve to be ok. If whoever you're with is a danger to you, you deserve to get out." She says softly. He hears her write something down before a small slip of paper is handed to him. On it is two numbers, one with Naomi written beside it and the other with Dakota beside it. He takes it. "Would you like me to send in an ultrasound tech to give you another sonogram? I can sit in here with you as well." He nods eagerly. He knows it's a bad idea but he wants it anyway. 

"Yes please." He asks softly. She smiles sadly at him before leaving the room. He waits patiently, staring intently at the numbers he'd been given. Surely he won't need them. Will he? Bryan doesn't hurt him. If he was being abused then he'd know. Obviously, he would. But what about all the times he woke up after a night of drinking to his body hurting? How many times as he found blood in his underwear when his period wasn't due yet? If he was being knocked unconscious somehow, would he actually know? His spiral is cut short by the same woman from his last appointment coming in. She smiles sweetly at him as she rolls the cart into place.

"Hey, I'm going to have you roll up your shirt and then I will put the gel on and begin the ultrasound." She says. Johnnie gulps but lifts his shirt anyway. His stomach has started to extend, a baby bump forming. He's honestly shocked Bryan hasn't noticed or called him out on it. He guesses that's a good thing. The tech smiles before tilting the screen to face him. "Here's baby." She points to a spot on the screen. His jaw drops. He can actually see his baby now. It's starting to look like a real baby. It is a real baby. He actually has a baby in his stomach. "Looks like baby is doing well in there. Baby appears to be on track, growing normally and normal size. A little bit of movement, not much which isn't shocking for how early we are." She takes a few pictures, writes down a few things, and then hits some buttons. This time she prints two sonograms for him. "And here you are! Baby looks perfectly healthy and everything appears to be going well. I hope the best for you guys." She hands him a paper towel and he wipes off his stomach, staring at the sonograms in his lap the entire time. She's leaving the room and Naomi rejoins him soon after. He's still staring at the sonograms.

"Looks like a healthy baby to me," Naomi says, glancing down. "Have you started thinking of names?" She asks.

"Not really. It didn't feel real until now." He admits sheepishly. He looks up at her a little embarrassed.

"Well, you will need to keep coming in for regular checkups. You can tell me all about your thoughts next time. You're free to go to the front, schedule another appointment, and go home." She smiles at him reassuringly. Suddenly Johnnie remembers he has to tell Bryan. He smiles weakly at her before doing as she says. The walk to the front feels long and scheduling a check-up feels longer. Going to the waiting room feels like a walk of shame. Bryan smiles at him when he exits the back. He manages a weak smile.

"Ready to go home?" Bryan asks. Johnnie nods. They head to the car, and the ride is filled with random music Bryan plays. When they're stopped at a red light, Johnnie sees a mom playing with her kid. He feels a pang in his chest.

He starts to talk but the words won't come up. Instead, he closes his eyes and tries to act like he's taking a nap. "I think I'm going to bed." He mumbles as he takes off his shoes once they're home. Bryan doesn't say anything, just lets him go. He closes the door and locks it for good measure. Once he's safely in his bed, he pulls out his phone to text Kyle. 

Johnnie: hey ky can we talk

Kyle: for sure dude
Kyle: want me to stop by tomorrow?

Johnnie: yea come by around 11 bryan will be out

Kyle: k see u then

Johnnie turns off his phone before rolling over to stare at his wall. He tugs one of the sonograms out of his pocket to stare at it. He supposes it's not that far-fetched to believe Bryan could've done something. Maybe it was just a one-time thing. Maybe they both got really drunk and don't remember it. He has no choice now, he has to carry to term. He wants to carry to term anyway. He doesn't care. He loves this baby so much already. His hand rests on his stomach as he falls asleep.

Chapter Text

The next morning when Johnnie woke up, it was sunlight shining in through his curtains. He squints before rolling over and closing his eyes again. He groans loudly, shoving his head into his pillow when he hears a knock on his door. Another knock makes him stand up to open the door. He pauses in hesitation when he sees it's unlocked but shakes it off. He probably didn't actually lock his door last night. He opens it and stares at Bryan standing there. He's holding a tray of various breakfast items and is smiling at him. "Hey, baby. I brought you breakfast." Johnnie just blinks in confusion before Bryan walks past him into the room. "I figured since I won't be here for the day and you had a big procedure done I could bring you breakfast in bed. Let you rest for the day." He explains as he sets the tray on the nightstand. He glances around the room before moving to close the curtains.

"Thanks." Johnnie musters up. He sits on his bed and stares at the food on his nightstand. He zeroes in on the orange juice and feels sick. There is a small travel-sized bottle of vodka sitting beside it and he can tell the seal hasn't been broken but it still makes him uneasy. Bryan walks over and presses a kiss to the top of his head.

"I'll be home late so feel free to order takeout. There's enough money on the counter for lunch and dinner." He says. "I have to get going now. I'll see you in the morning, love." And then he's gone. Johnnie sits on his bed as he listens to Bryan walk through the house and then out the door. He curls up in his bed as he stares at the meal left for him. He really doesn't trust it. What if Bryan knew somehow and left something in it for him? What if there are drugs in the orange juice and Bryan is going to be bringing more guys home? He shakes his head to try and clear that thought before standing up. He grabs the tray, ready to throw it all out. While he's in the kitchen washing the dishes from the breakfast he didn't eat, he hears his phone going off. He finishes the glass he's washing and walks back into his room. The screen is lit up with Kyle's contact. 

"Johnnie! Thank God you answered. I was getting worried. I'm literally coming up the stairs. I should be at your door in about a minute," Kyle says over the phone.

"Ok, I'll leave the door unlocked; just come in," Johnnie replies, getting an affirmative from the blonde. Once he's hung up, he goes to unlock the door. He curls up on the couch, checking his phone to see lots of texts from his friend. He turns the screen off and sets it to the side. He stares at the black screen of the TV as he waits. 

"Hey, man. How are you?" Kyle says as he walks through the front door. Johnnie looks at him with tears in his eyes. Kyle looks happy and Johnnie feels angry at that. He quickly pushes that away, there's no way Kyle wouldn't be happy. He has everything in life. He doesn't know what's going on in Johnnie's life. He's totally oblivious. Johnnie didn't even know what was going on until recently. He was doing good to just block it all out but his appointment yesterday sent it all to hell. Johnnie is still dressed in the same jeans and shirt from yesterday. "You don't look too good. Did you not sleep well?" Kyle asks, not even allowing Johnnie to answer his first question when he takes the younger teen's appearance in.

"I had an abortion scheduled for yesterday. Bryan took me. They told me I was too far along. I haven't told Bryan yet." Johnnie says quietly. Kyle immediately comes to sit beside him. He reaches out to pull Johnnie into his side.

"Hey, it's ok. I'm sure Bryan would understand. He can probably get it sorted out." He reassures softly. Johnnie feels his world crumbling. He starts crying suddenly, his dam bursting and letting all his emotions from the last few weeks bubble over. Kyle hugs him tightly. "Shh, it's ok, I've got you." Johnnie clings to the blonde. He wants to spill everything, tell him what he suspects. Kyle continues uttering reassurances as Johnnie continues to break down. He sobs and clings, trying to put himself back together.

"I think Bryan's been raping me." He sobs out. Kyle tenses. 

"W-what makes you say that?" Kyle stutters out. Johnnie thinks it's odd but doesn't focus too much.

"I saw someone, she, she said her boyfriend dru-drugged her and, and raped her," Johnnie sobs out. Kyle takes a shaky breath.

"Is that the only thing you have?" He asks.

"No, I never, never remember a night after drinking and everything hurts all the time and, and how could I be fourteen weeks pregnant if we only had sex eight weeks ago?" He sobs out. He starts to sit up. "How could he do this to me? He said he loved me!" Johnnie is a mess. Kyle looks uncomfortable.

"Well, is there anything else?" Kyle swallows nervously.

"No." Johnnie wipes at his face aggressively. He notices that Kyle is avoiding eye contact and picking at his sleeves. "Wait, did, did you know?" He asks incredulously. Kyle looks away. Johnnie stands up. "What the fuck, Kyle? You didn't think to tell me that my boyfriend was raping me? What the fuck is wrong with you?" He yells. 

"I'm sorry. He said you knew." Kyle admits quietly. "And he told me you wouldn't mind an audience." He mumbles. Johnnie's jaw drops. 

"You watched? What kind of fucking friend are you? How long have you known?" Fresh tears are falling, these more angry than scared. Kyle stays silent. "Since August? Since March? Huh? How long, Kyle!" He screams. Kyle mumbles something Johnnie doesn't catch. "Louder, I can't hear you!"

"Since we met! Bryan told me he had a friend with benefits who wanted to try an audience!" Kyle yells back. Johnnie glares at the blonde before grabbing him by the shirt. He drags him up off the couch.

"You piece of shit! You didn't think to tell me this at any point? You just let me get repeatedly raped because you got to see it happening? At no point did you think it was odd? What the fuck is wrong with you!" Johnnie is so done. He's pissed. "Get the fuck out. I don't ever want to see you again. Don't text me or call. Stay out of my fucking life." Kyle starts to say something but Johnnie cuts him off. "Out! Now!" He screams. Kyle looks at him with pain written on his face before he walks out. Johnnie falls to the floor when the door closes. He cries and sobs and screams. 

Johnnie doesn't know how long he's there on the floor. His voice is shot, throat raw and face covered in snot and tears. He curls up as he lays there. He eventually runs out of tears to cry and just lays there numb. He eventually sits up when his stomach starts to grumble. He looks around the apartment for a second. He stands and stretches. He walks over to the couch to grab his phone. He walks to the counter and counts the money left for him. He counts it out, it's more than enough for him to get some food. He checks the time. He'd been on the floor for approximately two hours. He sighs before going to his room to change. 

Once in his room, he picks out a new outfit. As he removes his jeans, he watches a slip of paper fall out of his pocket. He picks it up and looks it over. It's the phone numbers Dr. Naomi gave him. He looks at it carefully before walking over to his desk. He pulls out the book with his sonogram and opens it. His breath hitches as he stares at his baby. He tucks the paper carefully alongside them and closes it. He doesn't need to look too long. He has to get out of the apartment. He pulls on a new pair of jeans and reaches for a long-sleeved shirt. He walks to the bathroom where he hunts for his blades.

Once he finds it, he holds it to his arm. He tries to drag it across his arm but he can't bring himself to do it. He has another life he needs to worry about. He can't be that careless. He needs to do things for the baby he has on the way. He curses as he throws his blade in the sink. He glares at it before turning the glare to his reflection. He looks tired. He is tired. Bone-deep exhaustion settled over him. He pulls on his shirt before putting the blade in his stuff again. He storms out, deciding to leave the apartment. He makes his way to a random restaurant. He walks the streets, not sure where he's going but content to just wander. Eventually, he stops outside a diner. It seems cozy and welcoming so he walks inside. 

"Hello, dear! Take a seat anywhere and someone will be with you shortly!" A nice young woman calls out to him while carrying a tray around the front room. He scans the room before spotting an empty booth towards the back. He walks over and sits down, picking up the menu on the table. He looks it over, suddenly realizing how starving he was but the menu is completely overwhelming. He feels the panic rising. Bryan normally orders for him. The waiter walks up to him. 

"Hello, do you know what you'd like to order?" His voice breaks through the fog creeping in. Johnnie looks up at him. His hair is black and looks like a shaggy mullet. His eyes are a warm brown complemented by a little bit of black eyeliner lining them. He wears a red and white uniform, the kind you see in movies. "Do you need some more time with the menu? Do you know what you want to drink?" He asks, breaking the trance Johnnie was in. He points to water on the menu, the waiter writes it down and looks at him again. Johnnie just points to something random on the menu. Jake leans over to read it. "Ok, I will get that out to you soon. Let me know if you need anything else." He smiles and then he's off. Johnnie feels a lot better already. He supposes being out in public isn't always awful. He makes a mental note to come to this diner more often. He just needs to make sure that Bryan doesn't come with him or catch on.

Chapter Text

Johnnie wasn’t having a good day. His check up was today and Bryan wouldn’t leave him alone. He’d noticed that the teen had been distancing himself lately. Even going as far as to ignore the adult. Bryan was upset. Johnnie knew he had to go see his family and he couldn’t miss it, something about a nephew’s birthday party. Bryan was trying to get ready and Johnnie had once again locked himself in his room. “Johnnie, I’m going to head out now. I’m leaving cash for dinner and lunch. I should be back sometime late tonight so don’t wait up.” He calls out as he grabs a jacket from his bedroom. Johnnie yells out a quick affirmative, no emotion in his voice as he does it. He hears Bryan sigh before he’s closing the door behind him. The teenager quickly changes out of his pajamas, struggling to button his jeans over his belly. He groans in frustration before looking around his room for a loose hair tie he knows is somewhere. He finds it and quickly loops it over his jeans button, successfully securing his jeans. He knows he’s approximately fourteen weeks now. He’s already falling in love with his bump. It doesn’t make him as dysphoric as he thought it would. He grabs an oversized t-shirt from his closet and slips it on. It’s a black Bring Me The Horizon shirt. He slips a grey striped zip up hoodie on and then is heading out the door after putting his converse on.

He hums to himself as he waits for the bus. He feels a little less weird about being in public. He’s been visiting the diner more often and finds himself enjoying the staff there. They’ve come to know him as one of their regulars and Jake, the waiter he met on his first trip has seemingly taken a liking to him. Johnnie loves the attention of it. He thinks Jake is awesome and loves the idea that they might be considered friends by now. He smiles at the thought. As he continued coming to the diner, he’d met the other two waitstaff. The girl he had seen at first was named Tara and another waiter who wasn’t there his first day but had been the last few visits was named Barry. They were all pretty cool and shared interests with him. He hadn’t told any of them about Bryan or his pregnancy, scared to lose the relationships they’ve built. 

The bus lurches to a stop and he’s getting off. He makes the short walk to the Planned Parenthood, gets himself checked in and waits in the lobby. He idly scrolls instagram as he waits. It’s not long before a nurse is calling him back. He follows her and they run through all his vitals. The nurse leaves the room and it doesn’t take long for Naomi to come in. “Johnnie, it’s so good to see you again. Your vitals all look good. Now, lets talk about your symptoms. Any changes? I know last time you came in you were dealing with some nausea, has that cleared up at all? Gotten worse?” She asks. 

“The nausea has gone down some but I have noticed some swelling starting in my feet and calves. There’s been a handful of dizzy spells but they weren’t bad and they didn’t last long and they’re not frequent. Everything else is pretty normal.” Johnnie explains.

“Ok, great. I love to hear that. So, you’re in your second trimester now. You’ll probably want to start doing some pelvic exercises. I’ll let the receptionist know to give you some informational pamphlets about those when you’re scheduling your next appointment. And you will also need to start doing some light excercising as well. I recommend just going for walks and maybe doing some squats here and there. You can find some great pregnancy workouts on youtube.” She says as she writes something down. “And I recommend starting to take some parenting classes. Like I told you a few weeks ago, the clinic does have connections to help with that. There are a few churches that offer these classes as well as support groups. You do not have to be religious to attend most of them. I can provide you with a list of LGBT friendly groups as well. I will also let the receptionist know to give you a pamphlet about diet. No shellfish, no raw meat, no alcohol, no drugs, all that good stuff. Do you have any questions for me?” Johnnie shakes his head.  “Ok, perfect. I’m going to go get the ultrasound tech and I will sit in with you.” 

Johnnie is left alone with his thoughts when Naomi leaves. She was just as kind as last time and so eager to help. He feels bad lying to her. It’s not long before the door is being opened again and in comes two women. Naomi is holding the door open for another woman, someone he doesn’t recocgnize. She has a blonde buzzcut, dark grey scrubs, several piercings in her ear, and a she/her badge pinned to her scrubs. She looks a little scary but Johnnie pushes that away as she settles the ultrasound machine beside him. “Hi, my name is Gloria. I’m going to be doing your ultrasound. Could you please lay back for me? Perfect. Ok, lift your shirt then I’m going to squirt this gel on your stomach, apologies in advance as it will be a little cold.” She methodically starts the process. Naomi stands on the other side of him, watching the screen. 

“Have you thought of any names yet?” She asks kindly. 

“No, I haven’t. It’s still processing but I’m coming to terms with it.” Johnnie says softly, eyes trained on the ultrasound. Gloria takes this as her cue to show him the baby and point out how healthy they look. Naomi agrees. The three of them chat a little bit more about names and stuff. When Johnnie reveals he’s still unsure how he’s going to afford an entire nursery, the two ladies are quick to start sharing resources and different charities who will help him with it. Once the ultrasound is down and he’s got a sonogram in his hand, they send him on his way.  When he makes it to the counter, the receptionist has two pamphlets for him as well as a handwritten note. The note has several resources written on it. He takes them gratefully and schedules his next appointment. He leaves the clinic and makes his way to the diner. 

“Welcome in, go ahead and take a seat and someone will be with you soon!” He hears Tara’s voice carry across the room. He makes his way towards Jake’s section, sitting in the booth at the back. He looks over the menu trying to decide what he wants. Jake approaches the table. “Hey, Johnnie! What can I get for you today?” He asks happily.

“A milkshake, half chocolate, half strawberry and some fries. That’s it.” He says softly. Jake nods as he writes it down. He’s quick to give the order to the kitchen. It doesn’t take long for it to be made and when Jake brings it out, he plops in the seat across from Johnnie. “How have you been?” He asks the other boy. Jake has bleached his hair blonde since the last time Johnnie has seen him. 

“I’ve been good. School has been kicking my ass, though.” He starts. “My history teacher literally refuses to let me take a test that I missed because I was sick so now my grade is in the ground. My mom is pissed.” He continues to ramble about the test before he slips onto another topic, something about an english paper he has due that can’t be turned in early. He keeps talking, slipping through different topics effortlessly. He starts one topic and then gets sidetracked with another before either falling into a different topic again or circling back to the previous one. Johnnie lets him ramble, glad to have this small moment of teenage normalcy. He eats his fries, occasionally dipping one into his shake. He hums where it’s appropriate and nods along to the other talking animatedly. It doesn’t take long before Tara is slipping into the booth beside Jake, two burgers in her hand. She slides one in front of Jake who automatically begins eating it, not once breaking from his mostly one sided conversation. Tara eats her burger more gracefully than Jake and even slips in her own commentary. Johnnie watches with fondness. The two are halfway through their food when the doors open. Johnnie instinctively looks towards it, freezing when he sees who’s there. He sinks down into his seat but it’s too late, he’s been spotted. Bryan waltzes right over. 

“Hey, Johnnie. I didn’t realize you were here.” His smile is fake and Johnnie can tell he’s silently fuming. His sharp gaze turns to the two sitting at the table with Johnnie. “Who are your friends?” He asks, not a single bit of warmth in his tone. Jake and Tara introduce themselves and it’s clear they can sense something is off. Jake looks ready to bolt over the table at any point and Barry is standing nearby, ready to intervene as well. “It’s nice to meet you guys. I hate to cut this short but I do need to get going. I’m only here to pick up something for my sister. I’ll see you at home, Johnnie.” He says, no room for argument. Johnnie nods silently and then Bryan is gone again. He approaches Barry who has moved to the register and says something to him. Barry nods before turning to grab a bag and hands it over. Bryan waves at Johnnie before he leaves the diner. Johnnie doesn’t relax until Bryan is out of sight. 

“Who was that?” Tara asks immediately. He can see that both of his friends are alarmed and it isn’t long before Barry is at the table too. “He didn’t seem very nice.” She says.

“He’s….” Johnnie pauses. He’s not actually sure what to call Bryan. Should he say friend or guardian? He can’t say boyfriend. Is Bryan even his boyfriend anymore? Johnnie has basically already decided he doesn’t want to be Bryan’s boyfriend anymore. He has come to terms with the fact that Bryan has been raping him for months. He knows he needs to get out but he doesn’t know how yet. He realizes he’s taken too long to respond when Tara reaches out to grab his hand. 

“Are you safe?” She asks in a hushed voice. Johnnie feels tears in his eyes. He gulps nervously. He wants to say yes but he knows that’s a lie. He’s so tired of lying to everyone. He knows the three won’t judge him. He knows they’re genuine. He shakes his head, looking down as tears start to fall freely now. Tara is quick to move to sit beside him and hug him. “It’s ok, we’re here for you. Tell us what you need.” She lets him cling to her and sob. He doesn’t know what he needs. He just needs to get out. They sit there like that for a while. Barry and Jake are forced to go back to work but they are quick to tell Tara they’ll cover her tables too so she can sit here with Johnnie. He’s grateful for them. He doesn’t feel as alone anymore. 

Johnnie’s phone starts buzzing aggressively in his pocket and he’s scared to look. There’s only three people with his number. His mom, Kyle, and Bryan. He doesn’t want to talk to any of them. He hesitantly pulls away to check his phone. It’s a series of texts from Bryan telling him that they need to talk but he won’t be home until tomorrow. Johnnie feels relief and then fear. “I need to go.” He whispers. Tara doesn’t look to keen on that but Johnnie gives her a weak smile. “I’ll be ok.”

“Let me give you our numbers.” She says immediately. Johnnie nods and hands her his phone. She puts in three new contacts: her, Jake, and Barry. She hugs him one last time before getting up. Jake walks over, a to-go cup in his hand. He holds it out and Johnnie can tell it’s another milkshake. He manahes a weak smile for him as well as he takes it. “Call us if you need anything at all.” Tara says sternly. 

“I will. Thank you. For everything.” He says. Jake seems to consider something before he’s wrapping Johnnie up in a hug. Johnnie eagerly returns it. He starts for the door once he’s released and Barry stops him for a fist bump and a soft smile. He makes the lonely walk home, sipping his milkshake. Once he’s home, he locks himself in his room. He cries as he curls up in his bed. He's so scared to stay here. He wants to run but he can't. He knows that he has to stay here for now. Bryan has already isolated him. Bryan has made him entirely dependent. He has nowhere to go. It wouldn't be easy to go back to his mom now and he doesn't even have access to any money he makes off youtube.

He's trapped. Completely and utterly trapped.