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Done with the recordings for the day, tiredness and relief fill the building. Minhee is saving his stuff to leave soon. He's exhausted, everyone is. It's been such a long day, he has no idea for how long he's been awake, and hardly anything matters over the will to go home.
“Long time no see,” Eunsang approaches an immerse-in-his-thoughts Minhee with hesitation.
“I guess,” Minhee responds. It's awkward, he didn't expect Eunsang to find bravery to talk to him after all that time, thus he didn't plan any conversation in his mind in advance. He had found Eunsang dialoguing with Hyeongjun during the first days of preparation, calm and friendly, never had he tried to get the same energy from him until that day.
Eunsang has seen Minhee being left alone by the members, that’s why he's approached him — Jungmo has gone to find Eunchan, Hyeongjun was attempting to calm Serim last time he saw him, Wonjin had walked out of the dressing room right after greeting him, the rest are together on the couch, at the other side of the room.
“You did good, you always do,” there's a soft tone in the praise.
“You aren't mad anymore, then?” Minhee raises his brow, teasingly. Only a few hours ago, while recording Eunsang was showing solely his fierce side when talking, gone off character only by a bad joke of his.
“I wasn't serious, like, at all,” Eunsang clarifies, shyly laughing. “I have to make up shit for the show, you know how these things work.”
Yes, he does know — they had learnt the reality of it together five years ago. Minhee doesn't want to dig into the past, but having Eunsang in front of him in the context of a recording set, amidst a competition, makes it hard not to.
Five years ago, they were seventeen. They found themselves standing right next to each other after coming out as winners together, they were bound to be big. In the present, that won't happen again. Now they're one against the other, and Minhee keeps biting his cheek, not enjoying the bittersweetness every time the past gets brought up.
“I feel like you know better, though.” He's genuine about it. “You're good at this, getting the audience's attention,” Minhee can't help but notice how much he stands out. Just like five years ago, his hair shines in a bright shade of red, and although his aura is very different, his gaze remains captivating.
“What about your attention?”
Eunsang leaves Minhee disoriented in the course of the conversation. He had assumed a strictly professional relationship, a more serious and respectful attitude coming from him after years of intermittently avoiding each other. The depth of Eunsang's mischievous eyes suggests otherwise.
“I–” He doesn't end the sentence, he pants and crosses his arms with mixed emotions.
Minhee's unsure of what to answer. He doesn't want to make it easy for Eunsang to suddenly pop up in his life again. Instead, he pretends to keep a distance, at least, until the show ends. No distractions allowed. Eunsang is a distraction.
“You stopped answering my messages,” suddenly, Eunsang brings up the one topic Minhee had in mind, which he wished could've stayed there.
“It's complicated."
“We are complicated, Mini," Minhee's pulsations double. “But after everything we lived together I was expecting you to contact me again.”
“I guess I have a talent to leave people behind,” as cold as he sounds, his heart beats like a drum, deep inside he feels guilty for ruining it all.
Eunsang looks at him with ingenuity. He doesn't reply, instead he searches for a lighter in his pocket and shows it to Minhee. “Let's continue this outside,” he requests, then walking towards the door while taking out a cigarette box. Minhee follows in disbelief.
Once outside, after a silent pause, Minhee has to bring Eunsang’s smoking habit up, “I didn't know you smoke. You didn't last time we met.”
“Things haven't been smooth lately,” Eunsang doesn't go deep on reasons for his addiction. All Minhee can extract from his attitude is evident mental fatigue and some carelessness.
“Why have you chosen to talk to me now?” He needs to know before they go back to their dorms, time's limited.
“You made me laugh before,” Eunsang refers to the bad pun while in the set. “You looked relaxed, I thought it was safe to do because that shows you don't hate me.” He knows Minhee would never hate him, he only needed to know if he was be ready to have the needed conversation.
“Last time you only talked to Hyeongjun. You avoided me."
“So did you,” accuses him back. They've greeted each other, even with a smile on their faces, and out of courtesy they did hug and congratulate each other —of course, with Hyeongjun around—, but that's the only exchange they've shared. “You've been avoiding me for two years.” It’s not exactly true, yet for that time period avoidance has been more frequent than willingful interaction.
The conversation almost makes Eunsang forget what he was doing. The cigarette gets consumed almost untouched by his lips while they talk, because his focus is on Minhee. He inhales through it one last time before letting it die against the bin.
“It's getting cold,” Minhee comments, seeing they have no reason to be outside once the cigarette has been lit off.
“One last thing,” Minhee is about to walk away when Eunsang holds his wrist, dragging him back to where he was. “I don't wanna go home today without you explaining to me why you gave up on me.”
Eunsang's shield breaks. The grip on Minhee's arm gets tighter and his eyes sparkle with a different tone. Minhee sighs. Whatever they have is confusing to the point he can't bring himself to explain what's in his mind.
Truth is, Minhee is scared of reciprocity. Their relationship was on a roll until he got a hint that Eunsang liked him. It didn't lead to bad terms, but every single time it felt awkward to be face to face.
“I should've kissed you that night,” he pronounces quickly, as if he was not supposed to do it or saying it for too long was going to be worse. He finds himself unable to properly word how he feels.
Eunsang knows what night he's referring to, because that was the last one they met. One of those times when Minhee felt like calling him for some late night snacks, and they went to his company to have them at the rooftop.
“You dumped me because we didn't kiss?” Eunsang looks at him in disbelief. There was never a major reason, a problem, just a hit-or-miss situation.
Minhee can't even excuse himself —looking past he can't even explain it to his current self—. All he can do is almost apologise, words not coming easily. He takes a deep breath before proceeding, “it was already hard to face the reality of liking you when I had just come out of a relationship with a girl. I thought–”
“You had missed your only chance.” Minhee is predictable and Eunsang finds no struggle in finishing the sentence. In fact, both of them are easy to read for the other, Minhee is fully aware of Eunsang’s feelings and vice versa.
Minhee nods, shoulders relaxing from having finally said it out loud. He still plays with the buttons on his clothes, avoiding eye contact.
“That's crazy, Minhee.” You will always have a chance, he wants to add. Maybe meeting again, despite the circumstances, is a signal he should try to get them together, but mouthing a confession isn't easy.
“At least we are on good terms, aren't we?”
The little smile on Minhee, with his eyes adopting a moon shape, make it impossible for Eunsang not to smile back. The atmosphere has relaxed, yet he feels nervous, his heart is pounding at 220. When he looks at his surroundings, Eunsang realises how short the distance between them has become, unconsciously; he can almost feel Minhee's breath against his skin.
“I'm too weak to be on bad terms with you,” Eunsang holds Minhee's face, “unfortunately for me.”
From this distance, Minhee can appreciate every detail of Eunsang's face. He stops at his chin mole for a few seconds, then looks a bit upper, at his lips.
He doesn't look away, instead, his eyes follow his instincts. Minhee lets it happen, he lets Eunsang kiss him for a brief moment. They smile before the kiss ends, shyly, not wanting to break the silence, now comfortable.
After separating, Eunsang takes out his phone to look at the hour — there's no time for more. “Let's leave this as a pending task, shall we?”
Minhee nods. He knows his cheeks are rosy, and so are Eunsang’s, even though he can't tell. They're seeing each other soon, it's fine, he allows himself to blush. Eunsang walks inside followed by him, at a fast pace, and that's the last word exchange for the day, a victorious one.
They both hope they're going somewhere good with their relationship, now that what was left unsaid has been aired. It's the competitiveness of the show that forces them to slow the process down, but they've waited months to talk, waiting until it's over won't be hard when they've seen worse.