Chapter Text
Sweeney Todd had no idea how to feel or what to think. He knew how he was supposed to react, how he's normally reacted to such things, but this was different. His beloved Lucy was dead, for real this time, by his own hand. He had no idea it was her, he had no idea she was still alive, not until now. Nellie Lovett knew all along, she knew his Lucy was alive, and she never told him. He felt so deeply betrayed, she was someone he had trusted, someone he had thought so highly of, and she lied to him. She hurt him, even if she didn't mean to. He had no idea how she could've possibly thought what she did was better than just telling him the truth.
He usually harbored such intense anger towards the people who hurt him. Lately, even the smallest slight was enough to provoke him to murder. For a moment, that's where his mind went, but that was when there was nothing on his mind aside from anger. He quickly found himself thinking of so much more, and feeling so many different emotions at once, thankfully coming to his senses before he could do another thing he'd regret. He continued to dance with her, this time leading her away from the oven. He was still so upset, he felt he should've been angrier, but he couldn't bring himself to feel such rage towards Nellie. He could never hurt her.
He wished it didn't have to be so complicated. She lied to him, and he needed to avenge Lucy somehow, but with Nellie, everything was different. This was nothing like the situation with Judge Turpin and Beadle Bamford, they were both awful people that he wanted dead. Nellie, on the other hand, was his closest companion, someone he had known and cared about for a long time. She was the only one he hadn't lost. She was always so kind and caring, she was someone he knew he could count on. She was always there for him, she brought the light back into his life, the light that had been missing for years.
Despite how hard he tried not to, he had fallen in love with her. She was just so easy to love. She was the sweetest, most compassionate person he had ever known, and he adored her sense of humor, her cleverness, her practicality, the passion she showed for the things she loved, how understanding she was. He felt like he could truly be himself around her. He felt safe with her, safe enough to be vulnerable. He hadn't felt that safe in so long. She brought such warmth into his life, she had such a comforting presence. She always seemed to know exactly what to say to make him feel better. He once thought he'd never be happy again, but she reminded him what happiness felt like.
He knew he shouldn't have felt that way anymore, not after such a deep betrayal of trust. He should've came to the conclusion that she was just as bad as the rest of the world, that she hurt him, and so would anybody else that he dared to trust. He wished he could just turn his feelings off and stop caring for her the way he did, but he still thought just as highly of her as he had before. He looked into her eyes, and he still felt such adoration. When he saw her, he still saw the light of his life. He tried to push those thoughts away. Why was he still thinking like this?
They were further away from the oven now, though there was still a faint glow from the flames. The fire illuminated Nellie's face, her eyes sparkling in the light. She was as beautiful as ever, though Sweeney hated himself for thinking that. He hated himself for still feeling this way. Maybe this whole thing hurt so badly because he loved her so much. He had felt so bad about loving someone other than Lucy, but he couldn't help it. He had grown so fond of Nellie, he adored her so much. He trusted her, he had felt so safe with her, he loved her, and she betrayed him. There were secrets behind those beautiful eyes that he often found himself gazing into. Those lips that he had kissed so many times were the ones that spoke that lie.
He was so angry, so sad, he was grieving Lucy, and yet Nellie still had a place in his heart. He couldn't just move on from this. He hadn't been forgiving in the past, he couldn't just forgive her and pretend that nothing ever happened. Usually he was the type to hold grudges and seek revenge, but that wasn't something he could do either. Why did this have to be so complicated? He had loved Lucy so much, he never stopped missing her, and he continued to mourn her loss, yet he also loved Nellie, and was still in love with her even after all of this. Why couldn't those feelings go away? Why did he have to feel this way in the first place? He felt like such a terrible husband to Lucy. He fell in love with another woman, who lied about her being dead, and he couldn't help but still love her even after learning the truth.
He found himself staring into Nellie's eyes again, and had to fight back tears. He hated that he still loved her so much. He was overwhelmed with so many emotions, his mind was racing. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. Nellie had a concerned look on her face. He figured she could probably notice that something was wrong, she was usually quite good at that. He twirled her one last time, and then the two of them just stood there, completely still. Sweeney wasn't sure what to do now. Usually after dancing, he'd pull her close and they'd hold each other for a while. He almost found himself doing that now, but he stopped himself when he realized what he was doing.
"Mr. T?" Nellie spoke up. "I, um..." Her voice wavered a little bit, tears beginning to spill out of her eyes. Sweeney couldn't help but want to hold her tightly and comfort her. "Come here, love. It's okay, it'll be okay," He thought, contemplating what he'd say. He tried to push those thoughts away. "I'm so sorry, Mr. T!" Nellie cried. "I'm sorry for everything!" Sweeney didn't know what to say in response. He supposed it was nice that she felt bad about what she did, but that didn't undo anything, that didn't suddenly make everything okay. He couldn't just immediately forgive her, but he also hated seeing her in pain. He really didn't want to hurt her.
Before he could even think of what to say to her, he heard footsteps and the faint sound of voices. He couldn't fully hear what they were saying, but he could tell they were getting closer. "Who's that?" Nellie asked. "I don't know," Sweeney replied. "Whoever it is though, if they see all this, we'll get arrested." He and Nellie rushed out of the room, though he caught a glimpse of who had shown up. It was a few police officers, followed by Anthony and Johanna. He then saw Toby enter as well. "The police are here," He whispered. "We need to leave." "Where should we go?" Nellie asked. "I don't know," Sweeney said. "Let's just get out of here, and then we can figure something out."
Nellie nodded, and without even thinking, he grabbed her hand, and the two began to run through the basement, searching for a way out of the building. Eventually, they found an exit, and they rushed through alleyways, doing their best to remain undetected. "I believe there's an abandoned building somewhere nearby," Nellie said. "Nobody really goes near it. We can stay there for the night, and then tomorrow, we can make plans to leave London." Sweeney nodded, and the two continued to run until they found the place that Nellie had mentioned. "Here we are," She said, trying to catch her breath. "I really wasn't made for all this running." She laughed a little, and Sweeney couldn't help but laugh as well. Even now, she was able to lighten the mood with her humor, and even now, he found it endearing.
He couldn't believe that he was really on the run, and would soon be fleeing London. It felt so unreal. He supposed he should've thought of this being a possibility back when he first decided he was going to seek revenge on the Judge and the Beadle, especially when he then decided to take his anger and pain out on pretty much every unsuspecting customer. Even so, it felt strange, especially knowing that this would likely be the last time he ever got to see his hometown. After everything that had just happened, it should've also felt strange to keep Nellie around, but it really only felt right to have her there with him.
Besides, he wasn't going to leave her to fend for herself. It wasn't that he didn't think she was capable of doing so, he just didn't want to risk her getting caught, or getting hurt in some other way. It was better for them to stick together. He sighed and sat down, leaning against the wall. It was rather late at night, and though he wasn't tired, he figured he should at least try to sleep, for he had a long day ahead of him. "Goodnight, Mr. Todd," He heard Nellie say. "Goodnight, Mrs. Lovett," He replied.
He noticed her walking towards him, but then turning around and walking to the opposite side of the room. It felt so strange, her not being right there next to him. He had gotten so used to falling asleep and waking up in her arms every day. It didn't help that he still had so much on his mind. He was still overwhelmed with all those complicated feelings. He was tormented by the image of Lucy lying there with her throat slashed. He was inconsolable with grief, he was still so upset at Nellie, and yet none of it seemed to rid him of his feelings for her.
He usually turned to her in moments like this. She always seemed to know how to calm him down. He always found comfort within her kind, reassuring words, and her warm embrace, though her presence alone was quite comforting. It felt so awful, not being able to talk to her about his troubles. It felt awful not having her there by his side. His arms felt so empty, he had gotten so used to holding her close every day. He had gotten so used to kissing her goodnight and good morning. It felt so weird, but he had to get used to not having her there with him. He couldn't allow himself to be so close with her anymore. She was still there, of course, but from now on, he had to keep her at arm's length. He had to deal with all of this on his own.