Chapter Text
I KNEW I had fucked up when my brother showed up unannounced at my door.
There really aren't a lot of things capable of making the ol’ John Quincy Adams get out of his way to see me, of all people. You see, I am not exactly his favourite brother.
“John...”. I tried to force a smile and look more presentable and less ‘I-drank-the-whole-night.’ “What do I owe the pleasure?”
There is no smile on his face. It’s amazing how he can perfectly imitate my dad’s look of disappointment. They really are similar.
“Save it, Charles. You know very well why I’m here.” He comes in, without even asking for permission. And even with all his rudeness, dad still thinks he is the greatest being on Earth.
“I fear I do not... Sir.” I close the door behind us as it seems like this will take a while.
John looks up and down at my living room. I know he is looking for something, anything that might give me away. But I’m smarter than that and, besides a little mess, there is nothing incriminating or wrong. Not where he can see, at least.
“Well, I heard rumours, Charlie. Serious rumours.”
I tried my best to hide my fear. It couldn’t be about the drinking; he would not act so serious about something that both of us already knew. It was something worse. So much worse.
“It came to my attention that you are surrounding yourself with immoral people.”
Immoral. This could mean anything. I went to parties with rakes and drunks and unmarried ladies who weren’t exactly angels. Maybe it is not so bad. Maybe he had no idea about the other stuff.
“You behave like Dionysus, you drink, you lay beside nymphs and satyrs without any distinction or discretion...”
So, he knows. Shit. I am damned. Quick, think of something. Anything.
“These are all lies. You said it yourself. Rumours.” I did not believe myself nor did he believe in me, but just like good Adams’ boys, we pretended. “Did Father hear it too?”
John sat in a chair. My chair. And once again he did not ask me for permission, as if this was his house and I was the guest. He took a second before answering.
“Obviously not. He would die just from disappointment.” Disappointment. That word seemed to follow me everywhere. “I shall guarantee that these rumours end immediately, and you shall stop giving people what to talk about.”
I am incapable of thinking about who saw what. Maybe I was too drunk and let my guard down? Maybe the neighbours heard me while I had company? I couldn’t know. The men I’ve been with were always discreet.
It seems that no matter where I go, I cannot escape the All-Seeing Eye of the Adams. Even at my own home I must worry about who might see me and tattle to my father as if I was still a kid.
“Charles?” I heard John’s voice, louder than the ones in my head.
“Yes, I understand. It was great to see you, sir.” I get up to open the door. “Send my love to Naddy and little Thomas.”
John took a while to get up and when he did, walked too slowly. God, I hated him. Suddenly I understand Cain’s urge to pick up that damned rock.
“There is still salvation for you, Charlie” he said as he walked through the door. “Just act more like a Christian and less like a pagan.”
“Yes, marvellous advice, brother, congratulations.” I basically had to push him to make him go away. “I bid you adieu.”
I never closed a door so quickly. And after closing the door beside me, I leaned on it to catch my breath.
Father didn’t know. And even though my brother was an arse, I doubt he would say anything. Of course, I would not follow his pitiful advice and just stop behaving like I usually did. I should just be a little more careful next time.
SO HERE I was. At the front of Colonel Alexander Hamilton’s officer, with a letter of recommendation in my hand.
Col. Hamilton himself was the one that opened the door. He was around the same height as me, maybe a bit taller, with tired blued eyes and his hair, perfectly tied behind his back, was of an auburn colour. Even with his age and a few white hairs, he was beautiful, with a youthful vigor. I can only imagine what he looked like a few years younger.
“‘Morning, sir. I am Charles Adams, your obedient servant.” I handed him the letter my father wrote. “I believe my father talked about me being your clerk.”
Col. Hamilton scammed through the content of the letter and then gave me a polite smile.
“Yes, yes, your father explained everything. He told me you’re a hardworking honourable man and I hope you can prove him right, sir.”
“Absolutely, colonel Hamilton.” I offered my hand for him to shake and he accepted.
Col. Hamilton guided me around the place, while explaining all the things I had to do.
“You will find that we have a lot to deal with, all the clients and different cases. I need you to do filing, scribing, running errands, sorting mail and a few other administrative duties.” He says and I fear that the list won’t end. “Do not be scared, as we have other clerks who will help you with everything. And trust me, it was harder being an aide-in-camp to Washington.”
I do my best to keep everything in mind and ignore the little voice in my head that says you will fail, you cannot do this, why are you even trying? I mean, Col. Hamilton had worked directly with the president. He was a prodigy. What would he think of me, the boy who couldn’t impress his own father?
After all the introductions, Col. Hamilton showed me my table and grabbed a coat for himself.
“Make yourself comfortable, sir. I fear that I shall go now, or else I might be late for a meeting. While I am out, John Mulligan will help you with any doubt you may have.”
“And John Mulligan is...”
“One of my other clerks. He is... somewhere here?” He looked around, as to make sure. “I am positive that he will show up soon or later. Now if you excuse me, Mr. Adams...”
“Of course, it was a pleasure, sir.”
Col. Hamilton went away and I sat on the chair, tapping a song on my new table.
“The Temple of Minerva” said someone behind me.
I almost jumped with the sudden presence of someone else. I turned to see a young man with dark hair and maybe 5’10” which made him a few inches taller than me. He was slender, had good posture and an undeniable handsome face.
“I am sorry, sir, I did not mean to scare you. But the song... Tis from The Temple of Minerva, correct? I knew I recognized it from somewhere.”
I found it quite impressive that he recognized with nothing but the tapping of my fingers.
“Oh, yes, sir. I watched it with my father, many seasons ago.”
“Well, he is a man of good taste then, Mr...”
I hesitated as he extended his hand for a handshake.
“Mr. Charles Adams.”
“Adams as in... John Adams?” He arched his eyebrows, worried... or maybe surprised? I couldn’t tell.
There it was. Every time my father’s name is mentioned there is some reaction. They will either think him the greatest man in the world or the worst. In either case, I am the one who gets punished.
“Please do not. I swear he is nothing like whatever image you have in your mind right now, sir.”
And I am more than just John Adams’ second son and John Quincy Adams’ little and inferior brother. But I do not add that since it would just seem petty. I prefer to talk about my traumas only after a couple of beers and some intense intercourse.
“I beg your pardon then. My name is John Mulligan. I’ve been working for Col. Hamilton for a while now...”
He sat on the table next to mine and put his chair closer. There was something about Mr. Mulligan that it made me want to hear him keep talking and talking.
“And what is it like? Working here, I mean.”
He hesitated, looking up. Oh, no, that was a bad sign.
“Well... It is a good job to have had.”
“What does that mean?”
“Col. Hamilton can be quite a tyrant when necessary. You will find that we have a lot of work and not very much time... But it pays off in the future. It will grant you experience and popularity.”
He started to help me with my table, organizing papers and documents.
“You do not need to...”
“I do insist.” He moved one small pot of ink just a few inches. I saw nothing wrong from where it was before. “I like being useful and organizing things.”
I tried to get out of his way, but then he tried to reach something far away and I ended up locked.
I could feel his body pressed against mine and suddenly all the air in my lungs got sucked away. I tried to continue the conversation after he pushed away:
“D-do you have plans, sir? For when you leave?”
“Oh, yes, sir!” He smiled, probably excited to talk about it. “I have always wanted to travel around Europe. Meet new people, learn new things...”
He went back to his chair. His foot touching my ankle. I was sure it was not on purpose, but it seemed like my brain could not focus on anything else.
“Oh, I lived in Europe for a while, to study. But it did not go well. I didn’t adapt as well as my brother so Father sent me back to America.”
“Alone, sir?”
“Yes. It was quite scary; I was just a child having to cross the ocean by myself.”
“Oh, I feel so sorry.” Mr. Mulligan rubbed his hand on my shoulder. It felt somewhat familiar, like he was an old friend from lost times.
“No need, I am fine now. And I would still love to visit Europe one day.”
“Who knows, maybe in a few years we could find each other.”
I felt the pressure of his hand on my shoulder going away and almost wished he put it back.
“I think I would really like that, sir.”
I WOKE UP surrounded by piles of paper. Shit. I must have fell asleep while working. This is bad. Really bad. Col. Hamilton would tell my dad how I’m not trying enough and simply am not cut for the job. Then, of course, I would receive a letter from my dad saying how disappointed he was and how my brother was so much better than me. It was college all over again.
As the thoughts spiralled in my head, suddenly I couldn’t breathe correctly. My hands were sweating and my surroundings blurry.
“Not this again” I murmured to myself.
I was so focused on containing my panic that I didn’t even notice the young man behind me, tapping my shoulder.
“Do you feel well, sir?”
“Excuse me?” I turned to see a very worried Mr. Mulligan. “Oh, yes, I am well, just tired, sir. I fear that I might have fallen behind in all this work.”
“Do not worry, my friend. I have finished it for you.”
I looked down to see that he was telling the truth. Most of the letters were already transcribed.
“Mr. Mulligan! You shouldn’t have!”
“’Tis nothing, believe me. I had time in my hands.”
He started to organize my table, even though I tried to stop him. I grabbed his hand before he could reach for a letter. He looked at me, my hand still touching his. I suddenly felt my face getting red. Great, Charles, ruin this like you ruined everything else.
“Well, sir, then I must repay you somehow.”
I looked into his eyes as I spoke and that seemed to surprise him. Mr. Mulligan looked flustered and pulled his hand.
“I wish not, sir. As I said, it was a favour from a friend.”
He turned back to his own table. I thought I saw him blush but it was probably my imagination.
“I insist! How about lunch? I’d be more than happy to pay for it.”
He gave me the kindest of smiles. It almost made me regret having asked. How could I curse such a beautiful creature with my existence?
“Only if you accompany me, sir.”
“It would be my pleasure.”
TURNED OUT THAT dinner with John Mulligan was more fun than I could possibly have thought.
We were totally opposites. On the subject of appearance, he was tall and thin, I was small and round. His eyes were blue like the most beautiful sky, mine were of a simple brown, like my mother’s. His hair was of a light strawberry blond, while mine were of a burnt brown.
In the subject of psyche, it was the same. Mr. Mulligan was calm, a bit shy and talked too little. I had always preferred disturbance, noise and a tad of attention.
“‘Tis fine silverware.” He touched the cutlery. “I’m impressed.”
Usually, I would make no deal out of silverware, but the appreciation on his face made me curious.
“I suppose so. This is a great tavern after all.”
“You made a great choice, sir.” Mulligan smiled. “It’s clean and organized, better than a lot of places around here.”
“It would be my pleasure to come here with you again, sir.”
I ordered food and we begin to talk. Everything simply felt natural and, on that day, I did not meet him. Instead, I recognized him from many lives ago.
My college’s stories were met with surprise, showing that even our pasts were different. Mr. Mulligan was the perfect student and I... Well, I was in trouble for most of the time.
“Are you telling me you ran across Harvard’s yard totally indecent?” He covered his mouth with his hands, trying hard not to laugh.
“Indeed, sir, I am telling you exactly that.”
“You jest!”
“I do not! Me and some friends lost a bet and were already... fishy, as some might say. It did not look like a big deal at the time.”
Of course, it was a big deal when Father found out, but until then I was already doing other dangerous stuff.
“How did you not get expelled?”
“I am afraid that only my principal can answer this question. And believe me, I really tried. These were some wild times.”
John looked at me with amusement. I can’t remember the last time someone paid that much attention to anything I was saying. It was a bit scary. I had to watch everything I said or else I could be in trouble. I couldn’t let escape that, in these wild times, I kissed as many boys as I had girls. Maybe more.
“Tell me, Mr. Adams, what more did you do?” He leaned closer to me.
“I got on top of a statue and might have done some damage property.” I did the same and leaned over the table, with us both being dangerously close now. “I paid to get it fixed of course.”
From this position, I could see all the details in his face. His blue eyes looked like a painting of the sky made with God’s brush.
“You certainly were a rascal in college, sir.” He laughed and his whole body laughed with him, making me laugh too.
“And how about you, my friend?”
Mr. Mulligan leaned back against his chair.
“I fear my experiences were not quite as thrilling. Even now, I am too much of a rule’s follower.”
“You tell you never broke a rule?” I crossed my arms, doubting him.
“I do not think so, no.”
A pause. I tapped my fingers on the table and with my best alluring voice, I said:
“But do you want to?”
His eyes glared at me with shock and curiosity.
“Sir... What are you planning on?”
“I dare you to keep the silverware.”
“Sir!” He let out a half surprised, half offended gasp.
“No one will notice!”
“That’s theft!”
“Alright, then. Forget I said anything.”
I raised my palms in defeat. I was only jesting anyway. Besides, I could never push him to do something like this, I would not want Mulligan’s vision of me to be tainted in any way.
We kept talking about trivial matters even after we had finished eating. It was a special thing really, talking with him was easy and natural and before I could see it one conversation simply turned into another. And then another. Until it got too late and both of us needed to go.
“Mind if I walk with you, sir?”
Mulligan beamed at my request. We split the bill — he even asked to pay for all of it, but I couldn’t in good conscience allow that — and got out of the tavern.
Just as we were a few steps away, he stopped.
“Sir…” Mr. Mulligan pinched my arm. He opened his coat to show me his pocket.
I saw a silver fork in his coat pocket. When I looked at his face, Mulligan was laughing out loud.
“I cannot believe you!” I joined the laughing. “You did it!”
“I did it! I’m officially a bad boy.”
“Oh, no… I’m afraid I’m already becoming a bad influence on you, sir.”
His laugh transitioned to a simple smile:
“I like it, though.”
And I thought of that for the rest of the night.