Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Personal log, Dukat, SG

It has been an eventful 34 hours aboard Deep Space Nine. I boarded the station planning to refuel, restock and get some recuperation.

We have added half a ton of food of various origins, as well as acquired another cook. He wasn’t too pleased with the rather small galley, but he was happy to leave the station after the events that I shall describe later.

The repairs to the aft thruster that sustained damage a few weeks ago have gone splendidly. I’ve never had so many volunteers for working in E.V. suits, haha. I had to stop the engineers from going overboard with unnecessary repairs to the hull and external systems. Yes, I will not deny that it is convenient to do this kind of work while docked at Deep Space Nine rather than out in empty space – or worse, in a nebula or an asteroid field. But we have more important work to do, and the crew must accept a return to our normal routine.

Perhaps I shall order more training exercises to keep their minds off what happened.

Well, I suppose I should get to the… events in question. Hmm.

To begin with, I want to be clear that neither our systems nor the station’s detected anything wrong with the Boslic ship that had just returned from the gamma quadrant. I had gone aboard the station with 10 men; naturally I ordered them to be on their best behaviour before I left them to go have chat with Benj- hmm. Well, I suppose I should be consistent and refer to him as captain Sisko in my logs.

It is an unusual situation, to be sure.

Well, as I was saying, I went to my old office to speak with him, in the hopes that we could exchange useful intelligence. I must confess I would have been more motivated to share information on Klingon troop movements if he had not been so rude. It gets on my nerves when he acts like he doesn’t-

Ah, but those are old complaints.

He led me on with argument after argument for why he wouldn’t share an iota of information with me, but I felt like I was just about to convince him when he was called out into ops. I followed – discreetly of course – and heard his Trill officer say that she was getting strange reports from the Boslic ship.

“Captain, the Boslic captain is not answering our requests for information, but the crew is concerned that a toxin has entered their ship through the docking port. Apparently they have reported feeling strange ever since they arrived.” the science officer said – Dax is her name.

“Strange how? Has the infirmary been alerted?” captain Sisko asked.

“Should I order my men back to the ship and close the hatches?” I asked, very politely, but the look captain Sisko gave me… it was as if I had called his mother ugly and his father degenerate. Completely uncalled for.

They kept chatting back and forth until it became clear that there were reports coming in from that whole section of the docking ring, not just the Boslic ship. The science officer started scanning for toxins and foreign substances – if it had been up to me, the scan would have been performed promptly, but these Federation people… it’s a wonder they get anything done at all. Then captain Sisko spoke with the infirmary and asked them to stand by.

He suggested to me that I return to my ship, but by then I was sure the problem was in the docking ring and did not want my men to get affected. I did order my ship to close the docking port, however, and that was exactly the right decision. Sisko would have done better if he had asked me for advice.

If I had been running the station I would have quarantined the Boslic ship, but these Federation people, they are so reluctant to be efficient and clear in their communication. They don’t want to give orders until they have all the evidence; it doesn’t matter that the evidence is so abundant that anyone can see what has to be done. No, they prefer to give ‘recommendations’ and wait and see.

It really tests my patience sometimes. It’s good that I have such extraordinary discipline and have gotten used to these people. I’ve always said that Cardassians are exceptionally good at handling intercultural relations thanks to our natural ability to lead and our concise and clear way of communicating, though I suppose we can come off as brusque at times. At least to more feeble species.

Well, it didn’t come as any surprise to me when the infirmary started reporting that people were acting strangely – they had examined several Boslics and described symptoms akin to intoxication, lack of impulse control, strong mood swings. They were trying to find a pattern and discover the cause.

That was when I made my first mistake. I ordered those of my men who were aboard the station to get examined too, just to be on the safe side. An hour had passed at that point, I think. I must confess I was somewhat distracted with studying the various decorative objects in the captain’s office and I’d also had a few glasses of kanar while waiting.

Perhaps I should explain that it wasn’t my idea to sit idly by in my old office. No, they rudely asked me to leave ops when I tried to give them helpful suggestions on how to handle the situation. I thought that when the science officer left to go to the science lab, I could have a little chat with the captain, but he asked me to wait until the situation was cleared up or return to my ship.

In any case, he did have quite a number of objects on display. I tried to guess their origins, age and purpose, and I think I got most of them correct, even though I’m neither a historian nor a great enjoyer of art. His couch is quite uncomfortable and not very functional. I can’t imagine he gets many guests. I mostly wandered around the room, thinking that if I asked him about his art, he might loosen up a bit. Be more inclined to talk.

When the station went to yellow alert I put down my glass and went out into ops. Of course I immediately inquired about the well-being of my men, but was quite rudely told that the infirmary was swamped, they were on the wait list but not a priority. I considered, out loud, going down there and having a talk with the doctor, but the captain got quite short with me and told me not to ‘bother’ them.

I smiled back at him, of course. It was around this point that the Trill officer recommended that all civilians and non-essential personnel quarantine in their own quarters. The captain raised the doctor on the comm.

“Doctor, Dax recommends a quarantine until we can isolate the cause of this behaviour. Can you estimate wh-” captain Sisko said, but was interrupted by the doctor, who was shouting and talking very fast.

“Oh captain, I think it will take longer than I initially expected. I suspect that the nurses have been affected by whatever this is, a toxin, a pathogen, some kind of telepathy – I can’t say. No thank you, yes, I’m very flattered. Yes, please take this to bed five. Yes, I’m sure. Mhm, maybe later.”

“Doctor?” the captain asked and raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Can you tell me if this behaviour seems to be transmitted from person to person? Is it airborne? Can you give me anything?”

“Oh I can give you… uh… no, wait a minute. Ah yes, according to my scans, It seems to affect Boslics slightly different than humans and Bajorans.”

“And what about Cardassians?” I asked, very calmly.

“Oh, Cardassians. Yes. I, uh, I will get on that.”

“Doctor-” captain Sisko said and gave me a side-eye. “I would prefer if you focus on finding out what we’re dealing with. I’m quite concerned by how fast this spread from the docking ring to the promenade.”

“Absolutely!” the doctor said. “I mean, yes sir.”

“Sisko to Dax.” he said and started swaying his head from side to side. He was very clearly stressed – I would have offered my advice but it was clear he had something against me personally.

“Dax here.”

“Tell me you found something out by now?”

“Sorry Benjamin. The best I can offer you is a guess that this thing spreads through the air somehow. I am fairly sure that this – whatever it is – came from the Boslic ship, since the reports start there.”

“Should we suit up?”

“It might help, but we have so few environmental suits and most of them are on the docking ring.”

“Gas masks?”

“We still don’t know if this is something inhaled or if it transmits through the skin or…”

“But it can’t hurt, surely?”

“No. You’re right. Perhaps we should all mask up until we know more.”

“Alright.”

He gave the order to put on masks, and his staff scrambled around ops to find this rarely-used equipment. A pitiful sight, truly.

I was offered one, but it was clear it was made for human and Bajoran anatomy, and it sat so uncomfortably on my face that I took it off immediately. When the captain wanted to argue with me – I suppose that was considerate of him, really – I told him simply that I would put it on when we got reports that this strange behaviour was making its way through the central shaft. Since the problem seemed contained to the docking ring and the promenade, it didn’t seem necessary at that time.

Not long after that, there was a call from the doctor, and I shan’t describe the sounds we could overhear.

“Captain, I- I think I’ve been affected too. I could describe the symptoms, but they are similar to what has already been reported.”

The captain furrowed his brow so deeply that I had to suppress a laugh. I was of course also thinking of the well-being of my men at that time, and I didn’t like what I heard either.

“Doctor, what is going on in the infirmary?”

“Oh, uh, how to explain. Well, it seems that this pathogen or substance or- never mind, whatever it is, is making me irresistibly attractive. I’m having to put a lot of effort into fending off my patients.”

“Can you lock yourself in an office or operating room?”

“Can I…? Yes, I suppose, but I’m not in any danger.”

“Doctor, your job is to find out what is causing this and synthesise an antidote or some other means of protecting us from it. It doesn’t seem like you’re doing that job at the moment.”

“Oh, yes. I suppose. Hmm. I could go isolate myself at Garak’s…”

“Lieutenant, you’re an officer – act like it!”

“Yes, sir.”

I was chuckling at the idea of this man’s relationship with Garak – perhaps there was enough there to extort the bastard. I always suspected the two of them had a… perverse relationship. I think the good captain must have misunderstood the source of my mirth, because he scowled at me again.

They look so pathetic when they do that with their weak brows and smooth faces. Humans.

The captain ordered a general quarantine and walked to the lift, and I followed him. He acted like he didn’t want my company but he told me to mask up, which I dutifully did now that we were going down to the promenade.

We had barely exited the lift before we saw the kinds of activities people were up to, spilling out of the infirmary. I saw several of my men involved in lewd acts with Bajoran nurses, and laughed. At least the nurses seemed pleased. The captain was very unhappy, sighing and grunting.

“Benjamin, you must admit that there is a certain humour to the situation?”

“No. If we don’t figure out what’s going on before everyone loses their minds we may never get the chance.” he said and tapped his Starfleet badge.

“Sisko to ops. Notify Bajor that we have a station-wide emergency. Send them all the reports we have and launch a buoy to warn any ships in the area not to approach the station.”

He then contacted Dax while he made his way towards the security office. The doors were closed but when Odo saw that we wore masks he opened them for us.

“I’m sorry captain, but I’ve lost most of my deputies to what is going on in the infirmary. I ordered them to escort people back to their quarters but everyone I sent has failed to report back. And…”

“And?”

“And people come here trying to… trade sexual favours.”

“I see. Well. We need to lock down the people who are affected until we can find a cure.”

“Yes, I’ve been working on that, but I can’t simply send people around to gather up stragglers because they never come back. I also have no way of knowing who isn’t affected.”

“Why aren’t more people wearing masks?” Sisko asked.

“I’ve seen several take them off. I’ve ordered the deputies I have left to keep them on at all costs, but I’m afraid I can’t really do much to enforce it at the moment.”

Odo wasn’t wearing a mask either since he didn’t exactly breathe anyway.

“You haven’t been affected at all?” I asked, and Odo gave me a look of affront.

“I don’t breathe.” he replied and I smiled.

“We don’t know the mechanism by which it affects people.” I pointed out, making sure to note I considered him a person – that was always a sore point with him. “Perhaps the doctor and science officer would be interested to know that you remain unaffected.”

Odo just scoffed at me, and captain Sisko swayed his head from side to side again. I must say that it surprised me how bad he is at keeping his composure in front of his people.

“Has either of them spoken with you, Odo?”

“Not yet.”

“Then contact Dax. She still seems to be-” he said and grunted. “unaffected. Dammit! Did your deputies exhibit symptoms before they took their masks off?”

“It’s hard to say.”

“So if I go to the infirmary to tear doctor Bashir away from his patients and isolate him in the lab, would I end up like them?” captain Sisko said and gestured in the direction of the infirmary and the… well, it could be accurately described as a writhing pile of naked bodies at that point, I suppose.

“I can only tell you that three deputies are currently in there somewhere, not reporting back.” Odo said and crossed his arms.

“And what if I ordered you to go in there?” Sisko suddenly said. I stared at him and then back at Odo, who lost his normal calm. Oh, I’m sure the same thought crossed all our minds. What would it look like if Odo joined one of those groups displaying wanton behaviour? He is a thoroughly sexless man. Well, he isn’t exactly a man, is he? He is something different and unique. Something perverse.

“Come now, captain, surely you wouldn’t subject Odo to that?” I said. He had worked for me, after all, I felt he ought to be shown a little support.

Odo looked from me to the captain and straightened.

“Perhaps it would be prudent for me to don an environmental suit first, just in case.”

“The only free ones are on the docking ring, and I don’t think going there is any safer at the moment. We need to get the doctor working on a solution to this problem, and we also need someone to investigate the Boslic ship. Since you have already tried sending your deputies I don’t see that we have much choice, and if you are indeed immune to this effect then it would be very useful to know that now.”

Odo gave him a deep nod but he still looked concerned.

“I will get right on that then. What will you do?”

“I will wait here for your report. And if you don’t report back… I hope that Dax comes up with something soon.”

Odo looked from him to me, a meaningful look. I smiled back. When the captain didn’t say anything, Odo left.

I took his chair, seeing as we could be waiting a while. The office was much brighter and more colourful than during my time, as with everything on the station. It was as if the Federation had to make everything look aggressively gaudy and even the security office had to feel inviting to their people – at the cost of my poor retinas. They liked to pretend that it wasn’t a military installation, that it wasn’t run by Starfleet.

I didn’t even touch the data padds scattered on the desk, but the captain snapped at me as if I had. It was clear he had strong feelings for me, to take any opportunity to show them like this, no matter how inconsequential his complaint was. He wanted me to get out of the chair. No doubt he liked to admire my magnificent body; it made sense considering all the times he had said he wanted to ‘keep an eye’ on me.

Well, I humoured him. I pretended to check the desk for dust, read the wanted posters and scrolled through the list of rules and regulations while we waited for Odo to report back. I hummed a bit to myself and Sisko showed his great displeasure with it.

“Relax, Benjamin. We’re both safe for the moment and there’s nothing we can do but wait. There’s no reason to get so worked up.”

He was about to argue with me, but unfortunately he was raised on the comm and the only reply I got was a snort.

“Sisko here.”

“I have found the doctor.” Odo’s gravelly voice reported. “It’s difficult to manage him and the crowd, but we are in the medical lab now, I’ve sealed the door. If I don’t report back every fifteen minutes, you can assume I’m not immune.”

“Thank you Odo. Let me know if you… if the doctor makes any progress.”

“I will.”

“Sisko out.” he said and then turned to me. I thought he wanted my advice.

“We could activate the forcefield around security. We will be safe and can coordinate the response from here just as well as ops, if not better, considering we can control access throughout the station.” I suggested.

He sighed and looked displeased with me, but didn’t say why. I can only assume he felt bad for not coming up with this excellent plan himself.

“Sisko to Dax.”

“Dax here.”

“I need some good news about now, old man.”

“I have an idea; I don’t know how useful it is, but we could always try.”

“Yes?”

“Assuming this effect spread from the Boslic ship through the docking ring and to the promenade – that is consistent with the data we have – we could selectively reprogram the environmental systems to create a pressure differential between the far side of the station and the ship. If we increase the pressure above the pressure on the ship, we should be able to slow the spread. We could then see how long this effect lasts.”

“Alright, how long will this take to implement?”

“Not very long, under ideal circumstances. I don’t think it will have much effect on quarantined areas, so if we start with the docking ring and promenade, and someone reprograms the flow from the environmental control room it should be done in half an hour. The first, minor, issue is that the Boslic ship has a quite high atmospheric pressure already and we need to raise ours above theirs by a wide enough margin.”

“Will that cause any problems?”

“None that I can think of at the moment, apart from some discomfort.”

“And the other issue?”

“I still don’t know what kind of substance or pathogen is causing this and whether our filters will catch it. It’s possible that by cycling through air quicker than usual we will increase the spread further. I would recommend that we generate new air instead of recycle it, but that will tax our systems. On the other hand, it will speed up the collection rate of the filters, so we will also gather data quicker.”

“Do it.”

“I would, Benjamin, but…”

“But?”

“Ensign Neyman was in here without a mask and I… had to throw him out. He’s been banging on the door since.”

“He’s no match for you, surely.”

“No, not… ordinarily. But he ripped my mask off for a moment and I think I might… I don’t know. I don’t want to take any risks.”

“Did you put the mask back on?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Well, I have nothing better to do at the moment, I’ll go to environmental controls.”

“Thank you, Benjamin.”

I turned to him and smiled, to put him at ease. All I wanted to do was to offer my support – my men were also affected after all and we all wanted a quick resolution to this problem.

“Stay here.” he said, as if I were a pet to be commanded to wait for his master to return.

Since I’ve gotten to know the captain quite well after all the times we worked together I knew that arguing would not make him change his mind. He is convinced that everything I say is wrong and that because he’s the chosen one, the Emissary, he is always right. I sat down behind the desk and smiled at him.

“Very well. I’ll stay here and keep an eye on things. After all, I am well familiar with this office.”

I stretched my fingers and considered for a moment whether I could actually gain access to any of the more interesting systems.

“On second thought. Come with me. But keep your mask on and your mouth shut.” he said and pointed a warning finger at me. Now, of course this was rude, but back then I felt flattered. He considered me a threat and if that’s not a compliment, what is?

I followed him as he set a fast pace past the infirmary. I must confess that I trailed behind to see if my men were okay. They stood out among the warmbloods, and I counted to 5 who had found themselves a Bajoran woman or two. I chuckled. I still haven’t decided whether to name them in the captain’s log.

“Dukat!” Sisko shouted at me and I enjoyed taking my time catching up with him. That fast walk that he does looks so undignified. You either walk like an officer or you run like a soldier – anything in-between just makes you look incompetent, that’s what I’ve always said. The captain clearly doesn’t share this mindset – or perhaps he has never been told this piece of wisdom, now that I think about it. Perhaps I should inform him next time I see him that his butt wiggles in a lewd way when he walks that fast. That ought to help him to act more dignified in the future.

Well, in any case, we made it to environmental controls and by that point it was quite clear what this substance was doing to people. We passed people having sexual relations left and right in the corridors, and saw masks scattered on the floor. A few of them threw themselves at us as we passed – Sisko was quite rough and stern with them.

There was a female Bajoran, ah, well I suspect she was one of Odo’s deputies because I noticed a uniform on the floor, but I’m not certain it was hers… well she looked up at me and she was so… expressive. When our eyes first met, hers seemed dead, empty, but just a split second later there was fire in them, as if when she saw me, whatever had overcome her before went out of control. She got up and nearly flew at me. I instinctively drew my disruptor but she didn’t even seem to notice it. I’ve been met with much hate from Bajorans over the years, but this wasn’t that. It was like nothing I’d ever seen.

She wanted me, like an animal in heat, and oh, it was tempting. Her breasts were perky and it has been so long since I slept with a Bajoran woman. I was very tempted to touch her. The captain yelled at me to leave her be and it wasn’t like I was actually going to do anything with her there in the corridor, but I grabbed her chin and looked down into her burning eyes and smiled at her.

With any luck she will remember the lust she felt for me and contact me the next time I visit.

I would rather not think about the men who tried to grab me. After what happened later I can’t help but think they were actually making sexual advances at me. I shudder at the thought. Back then I figured they wanted to keep me away from the Bajoran woman so that they could have her for themselves.

No matter, it was a brief encounter and there’s no use dwelling on it.

The captain sealed the doors to the environmental control room behind us and I quickly searched the place for any other couples or… groups of people. We were alone, and Sisko raised engineering on the comm to help guide him through the procedure. I offered to help and got my instructions from the captain.

Neither of us were overly familiar with that part of the station but the work wasn’t difficult, just tedious. There were multiple switches that needed to be thrown for every function, to ensure that nothing is done to these systems unintentionally. I took off my mask to be better able to see, but when the captain noticed he became furious.

“Dukat, what the HELL do you think you’re doing?!” he shouted at me from across the control station.

“I’m just-” I started to explain when he interrupted me.

“Put. Your mask. Back on!”

“Benjamin, look at me, do you see these marks?” I said and pointed at the sore spots on my face. I assumed they were visibly disturbed; I could at least feel little indentations. “The mask has not fit correctly over my face at any point, I only wore it to humour you and avoid alarming anyone not affected. These were clearly not made for Cardassian anatomy – something you should probably address to prevent similar incidents in the future. If I haven’t been affected yet, I probably never will be. And if I am, well, let me just say this effect is no match for Cardassian discipline.”

“I don’t care! Put the mask back on!”

I have never seen him quite so worked up as he was then. I didn’t understand why. Was he worried I would run out and have sex with all the station’s women? Perhaps he felt some sort of jealousy.

“No.” I said and scowled – briefly – while I kept doing the work I had been given. I was being responsible! Odo interrupted us with a short report, saying he was attempting to get the doctor to put his mind to his tasks and that it was working intermittently. Then I tried to calm Benjamin down.

“Frankly I don’t see why you are so upset. There’s only the two of us in here, and the doors are sealed. If, by any chance, a woman were to break in, I assure you I will be a perfect gentleman. I am not so desperate that I crave the attention of every woman who throws herself at me.” I said and gave him a long look to emphasise that I do, in fact, have lots of sex, and definitely more than he. If he was worried it was only because he knew he was inferior to me.

Well, it didn’t have exactly the effect I had intended. He went for the door.

I ran after him to reason with him, but he drew his phaser and stepped out, closing the door between us. I heard him fight off the people outside and I laughed in my surprise. He got what he deserved for being so unreasonable.

I listened through the door while he spoke to Dax again, just to see if he’d mention where he would go next.

“Dax!”

“Yes, Benjamin?”

“I’m in the corridor outside environmental controls, you’ve got to help me. Dukat removed his mask.”

“What? Why?”

“He said it never fit properly anyway. I can’t stay here. I’m heading to you.”

I almost left the door to get back to work with the controls, but curiosity kept me there. I assume he was being pressed up against the door – or perhaps he was pushing someone against it. I touched the metal to see if I could feel the heat of their warm bodies.

“Don’t!” Dax yelled, clearly distressed. “Do not come here!”

“Old man, I’m being torn apart here! You’ve got to help me!”

There was a pause. A long pause. I pressed my ear to the door with a grin. I have suspected they had some obscene feelings for each other – her having once been a man, his mentor, if I remember correctly, and now a hot young thing. I don’t know why, but it stirred something within me when I thought about how torn Benjamin must feel.

“I can’t… I’ve sealed the door. I don’t trust myself around you. I’m sorry, Benjamin.”

“Old man, perhaps you didn’t hear me. Dukat is right here, without a mask. Someone has to contain him! And all these people… Jim, back off! And you, Sophie, don’t touch me!”

“Did you finish the work?”

“No!” he shouted.

I grinned. I would have laughed so hard if I hadn't been trying to be discreet. To hear him be called out by his own subordinate gave me so much joy.

“Benjamin, you have-”

“What do you want me to do?! I can’t go back in there! Get off me!”

“Just stun him. You can do it, Benjamin.”

There was a brief pause, but I didn’t stay to listen to the rest, just stepped away from the door and readied my disruptor. I placed myself so I could get him from his right when he entered, since he’s right-handed. I still thought the situation was perversely funny, but I should have taken it more seriously. That was my second mistake.

When the door opened I shot his mask – it was a very low setting, but it still burned a hole in the oxygen tubing. He spun around and I shot his phaser out of his hand – it was from very close range, but still, I’m proud of myself for that shot since I hit him while he was moving.

Oh he was so angry, still, but there was something else in his eyes. Fear.

He examined the mask with his hands and noticed that it was broken, and I picked up my discarded mask and held it out towards him. I wiggled my fingers a bit and smiled.

“Say please.” I goaded him, but of course he was busy fighting to hold his breath. He tore it from my hands.

He gave off two tiny gasps before he got the mask on, and then he breathed deeply before he started shouting.

“What the hell. What. THE HELL! Do you think you’re doing, Dukat?”

His gasps almost gave me the impression that he was crying.

The door opened behind him and two naked people looked in, and he spun around and ushered them out before locking the door.

“Can we get back to adjusting the controls now?” I asked, very calmly.

“Why did you shoot my mask?”

I grimaced and brushed off his ridiculous anxiety.

“Because you were going to shoot me and try to force me to wear that dreadful thing. But as you can see, I don’t need it.” I said, then leaned closer over the control panel so that he could see that I was being honest. “Relax, Benjamin. You don’t need to treat every crisis with such seriousness. You must admit, it is a little funny?” I said and smiled.

“It is not!”

“Oh, Benjamin.” I said and groaned, then straightened. “I’ve reset function rows 1A to 5L. Is there anything else I can help with?”

He tapped his forehead and then his badge, called up engineering and got further instructions. Odo reported once again that the doctor was making little progress and he sounded even more exasperated than last time.

“I’m sorry to hear that, constable, but I have my own problems. Dukat shot my mask.”

“I also gave him my own mask afterwards, he’s fine.” I added.

“So, you are both wearing masks again?”

“Not Dukat, no.”

“It seems that I too am immune.” I said and smiled as I kept typing on my console.

“Uh-huh.” Odo replied, audibly sceptical.

“Keep checking in, constable.” Benjamin said and pressed his lips into a thin line. I had never thought about how full some humans’ lips are before, but his really were… full. They looked soft, like so much about humans.

“I will. Odo out.”

“So…” I started. “Lieutenant Dax doesn’t trust herself around you. Are you two romantically involved?” I asked and studied his face. He didn’t look up at me. He was clearly bothered.

“That is none of your business.”

“I thought Starfleet frowned on relationships with subordinates?”

“Why the sudden interest, Dukat?”

“Just passing time.”

“Do it in silence.”

I sighed.

It was easy to make him upset, but not in the way I wanted. It was clear that I have the superior discipline, yet he always struck me as very confident and sure in himself. Perhaps being revered like a god by the entire Bajoran population does that to you. It’s so unfair hat he ended up in that role instead of me; I was clearly the better custodian of their people.

He carries himself like… like other people’s opinions don’t matter to him. He’s lost his hair, yet he doesn’t seem the least bit ashamed. His skull is smooth and gleams in the light; it’s nearly obscene to look at. I’m sure even Federation doctors could help restore his hair but he must have chosen not to for some unfathomable reason. That’s the level of disregard he has for other people’s opinions.

And somehow people revere him anyway.

Well.

I don’t remember why I went to his side of the console, but I’m sure I had good reason. He immediately reached for his phaser – forgetting that I had shot it earlier and that it was in pieces on the floor. I still took offence because his gesture was very evident.

“Oh come on, Benjamin!” I said. “I have been nothing but helpful, and you still treat me like an enemy. I am offended.”

“You shot my mask.” he said.

I shook my head.

“Because you were going to shoot me first. You can’t expect me to sit here and let myself get shot?”

He didn’t apologise, and I started to feel… well, irritated.

“I could leave.” I suggested. “I could… pass the time somewhere else. There seemed to be several women who would enjoy my company out there.” I said and walked towards the door.

“Computer, seal the door to environmental controls, security access code Sisko-7843-alpha.” he said, so fast that I suspected he feared I’d make good on my threat.

I turned to look at him with a smile. He was jealous.

Odo checked in again and reported little progress. The doctor could be overheard chatting loudly about the beautiful samples he had taken.

Now that there were only the two of us in the room, with the door sealed with such high clearance level, I was starting to think we could actually have some meaningful conversation. Perhaps Benjamin wanted to confess something.

It struck me, suddenly, that this… gas, or substance, or whatever it was, seemed to lower inhibitions, and poor Benjamin clearly had many inhibitions. Perhaps he would be more honest with me without them? Since there were no women present, the risks were negligible.

I pretended to walk up towards the console, then with one swift attack I intended to snatch his mask off his face. I thought it would be simple since his head is smooth as an egg, but it didn’t go quite as I had intended.

Perhaps he had been expecting it.

When I couldn’t pull it off in one move, he blocked my other arm and tried to kick me away, but I dodged it and got a hand around his neck – a mistake on my part – which made him back up with a frightened look in his eyes and then fight like a crazed animal. He punched me, but my uniform absorbed most of the impacts and I pushed him into the wall until he realised he could aim for my face. By then I had managed to rip his mask off and fell back. It was only when I paused to take a breath that I realised that he had nearly pulled my disruptor out of its holster. I had been so distracted by what I wanted that I hadn’t paid attention.

Sloppy.

“What. Do you. Want.” he said, softly, clearly out of breath.

I laughed.

“I just want to hear you beg.”

His chin trembled.

“Oh, I’ll give it back. If you kneel.” I said and smiled.

Was it so wrong of me to want him to admit, just once, that I was superior?

He tapped his badge, but his whispered command was so soft that even I couldn’t hear it.

“Hurry up now, Benjamin, you don’t want to get affected, do you?” I said and waved the mask at him. He hadn’t even moved away from the wall. I wondered if it’s possible for humans to hold their breath until they faint, and whether he would do so out of sheer spite.

He sank to the floor and stared at me with wide, crazed eyes.

I licked my lips as I watched how he fought the urge to breathe. I don’t know what he thought he would accomplish. Finally he took a short and sharp gasp and looked even more frightened than before.

“Why are you doing this to yourself Benjamin? You could have the mask if you just kneel.” I asked.

He shook his head. He tapped his badge again.

“Dax.”

“Dax here.”

“Dukat.”

“What? What’s going on?”

“Took. My mask.” he said and then gasped.

“I’m on my way.” she said and I was disappointed, really. But it hardly mattered.

“Well, if you’re sure you don’t want it…” I said and took out my disruptor and aimed at the mask.

“What. Do you want.” he said but then had to gasp again. I laughed.

“I told you. Kneel. It’s a very simple request.” I said, still aiming at the mask.

He shook his head and glared at me. He seemed somewhat more confident now that Dax was on her way. I clicked my tongue.

“You brought this on yourself.” I said and shot the mask to pieces before I put the disruptor back in the holster. “I’m disappointed. I didn’t think you valued your pride so highly that you’d rather refuse to apologise than… live with whatever happens to you now. How long do you think you can hold out? When Dax arrives, what will you do to her, I wonder…”

That put the fear back in his eyes. I leaned closer to see it better and grinned. I thought I had the upper hand, truly.

When Dax came running, Benjamin was already looking significantly weary, and he certainly couldn’t keep his breath as long between his pitiful little gasps. The door chimed.

“Dax to Sisko. Open the door.”

I drew my disruptor and pointed it at the door.

“What will you do if you’re both without masks?” I asked and tapped my fingers playfully on my chin.

Benjamin sighed, then started breathing very shallowly. I watched him with interest.

“Benjamin?” Dax said. “Are you okay?”

“No. Don’t… come in.”

“Benjamin, open the door. It’s sealed. I can’t open it. Let go!” she shouted and I could hear her struggle outside.

“He’s armed. Don’t open it. It’s not worth it.”

“Benjamin, I can’t leave you in there.”

He closed his eyes.

“Dukat, if you harm him – in any way-” she started.

“Oh, I can assure you he’s quite safe, Lieutenant.” I said. “I have no wish to harm him.”

“Then why did you do this?” she shouted, loud enough that I could hear her through the bulkhead.

I smiled. In truth, he had started it, but that was such a childish thing to say.

“Dax” Benjamin said quietly, “keep yourself safe.”

“Open the door!”

“No. I don’t… want to set him loose.”

I roared with laughter. I didn’t even hear what the lieutenant said, the image was so funny; me running naked across the station, only stopping briefly to grab every woman I could find on the way. I still can’t think about it without laughing, haha! What strange ideas he has of me!

When I calmed myself down, she seemed to be gone. Odo tried checking in but Benjamin didn’t respond.

“We still need to finish working.” I said and put the disruptor back in the holster. “Now, how about that apology?”

He rose and took off his uniform jacket. The air was chilly as it always since the warmbloods took over the station and I didn’t think it had gotten any warmer.

“What do you think is going to happen here, Dukat?” he asked, hunched over as if he wasn’t feeling well, which I suppose he wasn’t, after all. He looked up at me. “Do you think us having sex is going to change my opinion of you for the better?”

I shook in disbelief.

“Sex?” I said and stared at him. “What are you babbling about?”

He sighed, clenched his fists, then my eyes fell on his chest. I was quite shocked at what I saw.

I thought for a moment that I had misjudged him deeply, that he had in fact been a woman this whole time. I could see the outline of nipples through the shirt fabric, and it was clear he had… well not breasts as large like any woman I’ve ever slept with, but… I was confused.

“What…” I said, before I could think of something more intelligent to say.

He smirked.

“Very funny.” I said, thinking it was all a practical joke.

“You keep saying that.” he said. “I don’t find it funny at all.”

The shameful thing is that I had to fight quite hard to remain where I stood, because I had this urge to grab his breasts – or whatever I should call them, I don’t know – just to… well I don’t know why. Why does anyone enjoy mammaries? I know it’s a weakness I have. I should not find mammalian women attractive, but I do, and their breasts are just exotic and titillating I suppose.

I didn’t know that men had them too.

“I thought you were a man, Benjamin.”

“I am.” he replied.

“Well, then why are you talking about sex?” I said and looked around me to ensure I had space to retreat; he seemed about to approach me.

“You clearly want me. Well, you’re about to get what you wanted.” he said and pulled his shirt out of his trousers. I had some trouble forming a coherent thought. He looked so soft.

“I don’t understand.” I said. “I want an apology. For… the rude and disrespectful way you treated me.”

“You removed my mask.” he said with a sigh and took his shirt off while staring at me.

“Yes, I did.” I said and nodded.

He stared at my throat and cocked his head from side to side. His eyes had changed. He seemed much more relaxed. It worried me. He came close enough that I pulled my disruptor, just to avoid making the same mistake I had nearly made just before.

He stopped.

“Why don’t you take your uniform off?” he asked.

I scoffed.

“Well, if you say please.” I said, sarcastically.

His eyes lit up, his face was relaxed, he smiled like he was happy, like he had finally realised I was not his enemy. I… he had never looked at me like that before.

“Please.” he said and his smile widened – it looked honest. I must have been in a shock.

I was halfway out of my chest armour when I realised this was probably just a ploy to take my disruptor away from me. I threw my armour off and pre-emptively aimed at him, but he just stared at me.

It seemed that he actually just wanted to admire my body, which I cannot fault him for. I myself was quite intrigued at the differences between us. He watched me as I took off my undershirt, and I watched him for any sudden moves. I removed the holster and belt, and put away my disruptor only long enough for me to take off my trousers. He gave me a warm smile and I picked up the disruptor again.

“Like what you see?” I asked. It wasn’t the most… sophisticated thing to say, but the situation was so bizarre I truly didn’t know what to make of it.

“Ha!” he said and grinned at me.

This didn’t clear anything up for me.

“Turn around.” he asked.

“No.” I replied with a grin. No doubt he would try to disarm me, then he’d shoot me and open the door for Dax. “Why don’t you sit down while I finish adjusting the environmental systems?”

“Okay.”

He hopped up on the control panel in front of me and I frowned.

“Not here.” I said and pointed at the chair. “There.”

He did as I asked and that felt very satisfying. Very satisfying, indeed. At that point I could hardly convince myself that it mattered whether he was pretending or not, as long as I got to order him around.

I set up the rest of the functions and asked Benjamin to enter the final command sequence, and the control panel lit up green to indicate that all adjustments had gone through.

“There. See? I’m helping.”

Benjamin wiggled his head. I smiled warily at him. He looked happy with me. I wasn’t used to it.

“Will you let me help you now?” he asked.

“Help me how?” I asked and squinted suspiciously at him. He got out of the chair and walked up to me so fast and with such determination that I forgot to reach for the disruptor before I backed up against another console behind me.

I raised a hand to push him away, but he held my hand flat to his chest as if he wanted my touch. And I…

He was so warm. Just like a Bajoran woman. And I was slightly chilled from the cold air.

And he was so soft. Almost as soft as a Bajoran woman. Certainly softer than the starved ones from the camps.

I felt his chest move under my hand as he breathed, and I was… I was probably affected, actually. There’s no way I would have been so hypnotised otherwise. I put up my other hand too and felt his chest muscles ripple under my fingers. It was confusing.

I was confused.

I can’t explain what possessed me to bend my neck and take one of his nipples into my mouth, other than… my personal fascination with breasts, I suppose. His reminded me enough of Bajoran women that I… I did enjoy it. His nipples were smaller and harder but I thought that could be explained by him being a human.

I ran my tongue over his nipple and noticed the difference in rigidity almost immediately. I sucked lightly on it and he moaned. It was a deep rumble in his chest, not at all like sounds a woman makes. It pulled me out of it, and I straightened. I saw that he was smiling and I… I was weak. I don’t know why his smile affected me so.

I grabbed his chin to turn his head up but we were the same height and I was slightly bent backwards over the console so I ended up tilting his head down towards me. Also… the beard. It was weird. I didn’t know what I was doing. I stared at him for a moment before I realised I had to take back control of the situation.

I sidled away and turned him around so his back was against the console, but he jumped up on it and locked his legs around me.

Now this was something I was more used to with women. It felt much more familiar. It’s because I was still confused, see.

He pulled me in and put a hand behind my neck and I followed along until our faces nearly met. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, I think perhaps a part of my brain was set on sex because he had female characteristics. Or perhaps it was the gas, the substance, the pathogen. Whatever it was.

So when he raised his face to close that distance between us I didn’t pull away. And when his lips – very soft, very full, very warm – met mine, I- I don’t know why, I just opened my mouth for him. And he pulled me tighter to him with his legs, and I- he was so warm, just like a Bajoran woman, if not warmer. He still had his trousers on, I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell. I wasn’t…

His tongue, it was so warm. He seemed to know what he wanted, he was so determined. Not at all like most Bajoran women I’ve been with. His eyes burned with lust, like the woman in the corridor. I noticed it when he let me catch my breath. I found it so attractive, that look. That even though he hated me, he couldn’t help himself, he wanted me too much. Still gives me thrills, thinking about it.

He ran a hand up the back of my neck, into my hair. But he was hairless himself. I didn’t say anything about it – I’m not a mean person.

I ran a finger around his smooth ear instead, and he seemed to like that. He breathed heavily and thrust his hips at me, and I was having some trouble restraining myself. I pushed him back into the console and ran two hands around his eyes and over his smooth forehead. He truly was one of the smoothest people I had ever seen apart from Odo.

I ran a finger over his brow and noted that he had never seemed so relaxed in all the time I’ve known him. I caressed his cheek, feeling the hint of stubble. That was… odd. Not at all womanly.

I licked his nipples and ran my hands around his breasts, but he barely let me, he was pulling me in so hard with his legs, running his hands so roughly through my hair. No doubt he envied me for my amazing hair, though it was getting quite ruffled at that point.

His thrusts against me were starting to make me hard, and I decided to take his trousers off. He smiled at me, and I thought this wasn’t going to be just some casual fuck. He seemed so invested.

I pulled his trousers down and off but immediately noticed the bulge.

“Is this some kind of joke?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“No.” he said, and wiggled out of his underwear.

I can barely… I don’t know how to describe what he looked like. He was clearly a man, like he had said. I can’t explain how I could have deluded myself for so long that he wasn’t.

I can honestly say I’ve never seen a bigger penis. And it was covered with skin, not at all like- I don’t understand why it would look like that. Only the tip of it was smooth flesh like one would expect a penis to be. And it was all… just hanging there, outside him. I stared in disbelief for a while before I came to my senses and straightened.

I cocked my head to the side, but things didn’t make any more sense at that angle.

Now, part of me was frustrated.

I ran my fingers around the centre of my forehead.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, as if it weren’t obvious. He tried to pull me close again but I stepped out of his reach.

“You… gave me the impression that… you wanted to have sex. But clearly you’re a man.”

“Yes.”

Perhaps it was the casualness with which he said it, but something happened in me and while it has waned slightly since, it hasn't gone away. And it pains me.

Perhaps it was some kind of perverse hope.

I was a little horny, I will admit – because I thought that he was like a woman, and that I could treat him like a woman. Have sex with him like a woman.

He reached out towards my waist and I backed up and struck the console behind me.

He jumped down and got on his knees. I suddenly wished I hadn't asked him to kneel. It was what I had wanted to see, but the satisfaction I felt made me uncomfortable. He looked up at me too earnestly, there was too much fire, too much lust, he was too close to my slit with his face. I felt exposed, even though he was the one with his genitalia hanging out for all the world to see.

He grabbed my butt and I could only stare as he leaned in to run his nose around my slit, and then started licking me. I thought – wrongly – that he knew something about Cardassian customs. I thought that perhaps having him suck me off wouldn’t be so bad – I know what warmblood mouth is like, and while it’s not as good as pussy, it is satisfactory. I was starting to get hard again and braced myself against the console.

But then he pushed his tongue inside of me and I shoved his face away reflexively.

“Hey!” I said, not being at my most eloquent in that shocking situation. Had he been anyone else I would have shot him.

“What?” he said and tried to look up at me through my fingers that were splayed over his face.

“I’m not a woman.” I explained. I had thought that I had made that clear already, I couldn’t understand how he’d misunderstood that.

“So?” he said.

“So don’t do that.” I said, dumbfounded.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a man.” I explained.

We stared at each other.

He rose. I felt his erection poke me in the groin and worried he might try to… enter me. I tried to back up further but I would have had to jump up on the console and I didn’t want that. He took my hand and guided me to his penis and I stared at him in shock.

“Then why don’t you get me off?” he asked.

“No!” I exclaimed, but I still had my hand around him, covered by his. He was so warm. His penis throbbed, and I didn’t know what to think.

He leaned in to kiss me and I let him. I can’t explain how I could enjoy it under the circumstances, now that I was no longer under the illusion that we would have sex. He caressed my neck and I felt myself melt under his touch, I leaned back over the console and ran my hands over his back.

Their uniforms are quite deceptive. They make them look soft and weak. He was soft but he had muscle like nothing I’d ever felt. Up until then I had thought that I would easily win a fight against a human in hand-to-hand combat, but when he pushed me further up on the console and all but crawled on top of me I knew I would probably lose if I tried to wrestle him.

He was big.

Perhaps that was where his confidence came from. Knowing that he was stronger than he appeared, whereas we Cardassians, perhaps wrongly, try to seem as intimidating as possible on first impression.

He ground his hips at me and I got hard and finally swelled out of my slit. I thought his grinding might tear me apart, but he slowed down and stopped messing up my hair with his free hand so that he could feel me. His hand was nearly as wide as I am long, I… can’t describe how intimidated I felt.

He just took me in his hand, held our penises together as if it was the most natural thing. I didn’t understand, didn’t have time to think about what was going on.

“I know you want me.” he said and stared down into my eyes with almost Cardassian determination.

“Yeah.” I said, and I want to be clear that I meant that it was obvious that he thought he knew that. He was very sure about it. I didn’t meant to imply I agreed with his assessment.

He kept stroking us together and I just lay there in shame, unable to think of anything to do. Suddenly he got off me, got down from the console, and I didn’t feel so small anymore. He walked up to the replicator, got some lube and returned.

I was still panting on top of the console, and when he got down on his knees I scooted closer to the edge, and neither of us said anything. He just leaned in, looked at me, and I stared back at him, found it so… arousing to see him on his knees, looking up at me with that look in his eyes.

When he leaned in and stuck out his tongue I held my breath. He ran the tip of his tongue down my shaft until he enveloped me with his mouth. He gave me another look and then took me almost whole into his mouth. I gasped.

I fought the urge to look away. I want the picture of him doing this burned into my mind forever, despite the uneasy way it makes me feel now. I laid a hand on his head, displeased that he had no hair. I considered forcing him all the way down until his nose hit my slit, but something held me back. Perhaps it was the feeling that it wouldn’t help the situation. There was something so alluring about him doing this by his own initiative, and the moment I started forcing him I would give him the satisfaction of having been correct in his assessment of my desires.

I simply cannot have him think that I want him more than he wants me.

It’s quite a… different way of looking at it than I usually do.

Have I ever been with a woman who truly wanted me more than I wanted her, in more ways than one?

I’ve always liked knowing that I can get what I want, whether it be through charm or force – it’s a good feeling.

This wasn’t that.

I had completely lost control of the situation – sure, I may have been able to resist the Substance, but evidently that wasn’t the same as being in control.

Benjamin kept paying special attention to the underside of my penis with his tongue. I’m not sure why. What he did with his mouth was decidedly less exciting than the mere thought of

[garbled]

I can’t-

[garbled]

[deleted]

As I was saying, I found the idea of it so perverse, so wrong, and yet so compelling. The Emissary on his knees in front of me, taking me into his mouth. The same mouth he would then use to preach to the Bajorans.

Hmm.

Well, I don’t remember which of us broke it off, but he got up and took the lube and bent over the opposite console, looking back at me over his shoulder. I’m embarrassed to admit that the thought hadn't struck me until then. Ass is of course something I’m familiar with, I just didn’t think about ever doing that with a man.

It’s somewhat distressing how natural that thought seems to me now.

Anyway.

He put some lube around his ass orifice… no that’s not the word for it… it will come to me, I’m sure. He was leaning over the console so seductively I simply couldn't help myself. He wanted me to take him and I could pretend it was like being with a woman. I reached around him to fondle his breasts, but he interrupted me to ask me to lube myself up – something I’ve never had to do before. I was nearly a little offended, but I did as he asked because he seemed genuinely eager.

I had no idea he wanted me this way, but in hindsight, that was clearly why he was always arguing and showing his irritation with me whenever we met. It can’t have been easy for him to hide his feelings for me all these years.

I stroked myself a few times to ensure that the lube was evenly distributed before I pressed myself between his butt cheeks. He spread them for me, so that I only had to hold myself with one hand and could play with one of his nipples with the other.

He was tight, but the moans he gave off were priceless. He seemed to really enjoy the sensation of me pressing myself against his opening, slowly entering him, and while I found this to be a far cry from Bajoran pussy, it was… satisfactory. I took my time entering him, pushing only gently and very slowly, and he kept moaning louder. When I was about halfway in I took my hand off and reached around him to caress his chest.

Truly, he didn’t seem so much like a man then; his chest was so alien to me.

“How do you feel?” I asked, but he only moaned in reply and hung his head. He had stopped spreading his cheeks and they were so soft against me. I decided to withdraw slightly and that made him pant, and it was so nice to see him this way. So overwhelmed with me. I rested a hand on his back just to feel his heavy breathing as I pushed into him again, feeling how he struggled to let me in and not clench too hard around me.

“Does it feel good to have me inside you?” I asked and he whimpered, then nodded. He used one arm to brace himself against the console, and the other to stroke himself. I was okay with that. It would have been preferable if he’d kept spreading his cheeks to help me get deeper, but I felt that I had barely begun and there was no need to rush.

“I could do so much for you, Benjamin. More than anyone else – you know that, don’t you?” I said, regaining some of my confidence.

I grabbed hold of his hips to aid my thrusting and for a while the sounds he produced nearly made me come. I wondered to myself if I could really do it – spill my seed in someone’s ass? I debated with myself whether to break my rule of always coming in the pussy first, before I would do it anywhere else. I was interrupted in my musing by Benjamin, whose moaning increased above the clapping of his cheeks against my hips – he was stroking himself quite furiously – until he seemed to choke on a groan, arched his back and came.

He dripped all over the carpet and I sighed, because I realised there was now concrete evidence of our dirty act.

I waited until he had a chance to calm himself before I pulled out. He seemed about to completely melt off the console and I leaned over him to steady him and ask if he was okay. I held him up with one arm and was slightly concerned at the lack of response.

“Benjamin?” I said. “Are you alright?”

“Yes.” he croaked.

“Is there anything I can do for you? Perhaps you would be more comfortable elsewhere?”

“I just need a minute.”

“Of course.” I said and ran my hand up and down his back, appreciating the contrast between his skin and the scales on my hand. He had a nice colour – good for formal civilian wear. A respectable colour. I envied him, now that I knew how handsome he was without that insipid uniform.

He eventually turned around and I tried to straighten, but he grabbed my neck and pulled me down into a kiss. He ran his hands through my hair and I was quite happy that he showed me such appreciation for once. I kissed him eagerly. Yes, I know, it was wrong of me. It must have been the Substance.

I think it was around this point that I became aware that his badge was beeping incessantly over in his pile of clothes. It was nearly inaudible, and it was only when we were suddenly silent that I could hear it.

I left Benjamin to go take a look and see if I could respond – it could have been about my men, after all.

“Dukat here.” I said after tapping it.

“Dukat. What have you done with captain Sisko?”

It was Odo’s voice.

I laughed when I thought about answering the question honestly.

“Nothing, constable. I assure you he’s in good health, just a little… unfocused, at the moment.”

“Let me speak with him.”

“As you wish.” I said and went back to Benjamin to try to help him sober up, if such a thing was possible.

“Benjamin. Odo wants to speak with you.” I said and took him by the shoulders to help him sit up.

“He’s here?” he asked and smiled.

“No.” Odo said, very clearly impatient. “I’m still in the medical lab with doctor Bashir. I have been trying to contact you for some time.”

“Oh.”

I could hear the doctor giggling in the background.

“What is it now.” Odo asked.

“Sex pollen.” I could hear the doctor say before he started to laugh again. “Of all the crises to befall a space station, I’d never have bet on sex pollen.”

“Doctor, should I give you a sedative again?”

“No, I’m fine. Hahaha, just fine. Though you know what would help?”

“I’m not playing this game with you anymore, doctor. Have you figured out what the problem is? Is it pollen?”

“Well I don’t know if it’s pollen per se, but from the scans Jadzia took of the air filters, I have determined that the likely culprit are these small particles that clearly resemble spores. I need to run more tests to make sure. But I think first of all we should program the computer to filter them out of the air, if possible. And then I’m going to need some test subjects. I need around 250 people.”

“What for?” Odo asked.

“I need 50 people for the control group and then 4 groups of 50 people each to selectively give different amounts of spores to, to measure how fast they develop symptoms and how fast they go away – hopefully they will. Go away.”

“No.” Odo said.

“I think that sounds like a great idea.” Benjamin said.

“That’s because neither of you are thinking straight. Sit down, doctor! Well, I was going to report that we have made some progress, but I’m not sure how useful this information is to you at the moment.”

“Very good, constable.” Benjamin said and I nodded approvingly at him.

“Odo,” I said, “I made the adjustments to the environmental systems about uh… forgive me, I seem to have lost track of time. It must have been about half an hour ago, surely? Shortly after your last report, if I’m not mistaken.”

Odo harrumphed.

“Uh huh.”

“I take it from your tone that the situation in the infirmary hasn’t changed?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“And my men, are they alright?” I said, and glanced at Benjamin, who got up and reached for me.

“Not any worse off than anyone else in the vicinity.”

“I see.” I said and smiled. I hoped they were having fun.

“Captain?” Odo said.

“Yes?” Benjamin replied, though he seemed to be paying much less attention to Odo than to my chest ridge.

“I could leave the doctor here, if you require any help.”

Benjamin smiled widely. I don’t know what kind of help he was imagining and I don’t think I want to know. Worried that he would ask the constable to join us, I shook my head slowly and gave him a soft kiss.

“No, I’m alright here. Thank you, constable.”

“Keep me informed.” Odo said.

I thought it was weird how Benjamin didn’t even seem to notice that Odo had just given him an order. But then, I suppose my body can have that kind of captivating effect on lesser species.

I threw the badge over my shoulder and was interrupted in my attempt to fondle his breasts. He pushed me up on the flat top of the console again and straddled me. I frowned – these workstations were not built to handle grown men rolling around on top of them. It wasn’t terribly comfortable either, but he didn’t seem to mind and I didn’t want to be the first to complain. After all, my formidable physique ought to make that sort of thing easier for me to handle than for him.

I really was uncomfortable.

He had the benefit of being much younger, so that was probably why he didn’t mind the discomfort. And perhaps the substance made it easier for him to ignore it.

I tried not to look at his penis, or the lumps hanging underneath, that just made me disgusted, but he did seem to want my help to insert myself into his ass again.

Hole! Asshole, that’s what they say, that’s the word I was looking for! Incidentally, it’s also something they’ve called me a couple of times, it’s apparently an insult. Funny.

Where was I?

Yes, well, he had to squat above me for this to work and I got a better view of his… well everything, than I really wanted. I tried to keep my eyes on his chest. His breasts were too small to bounce like a woman’s, which was a shame. I always enjoy a good bouncy breast. The look on his face though – he seemed very happy. I can’t recall ever seeing him like that before. Had he been secretly wanting to be close to me all this time? That could explain a lot – now that he finally had a chance to be intimate with me, he was the happiest he’d ever been.

He was in surprisingly good shape. I don’t know if it was the Substance that caused it, but thinking back, it must have been. I know my men are well trained but I question whether they would have kept having sex for hours without external influence.

It didn’t seem to affect me that way – I thought.

I wanted to say something encouraging to him, but I wasn’t sure what. It’s easy with women – experience has taught me that they really like hearing things like ‘you feel so good’ or, ‘you are incredibly beautiful’. But what could I possibly say to Benjamin Sisko? ‘You have adequate fighting skills, though I question your priorities and strategic competence’? Or perhaps ‘your smile is the least off-putting thing about you’?

I wasn’t paying attention to what Benjamin was doing. It felt okay, but the full-frontal view put me off too much to really want to think about what we were doing. That was another mistake on my part. While I was thinking of other things, I didn’t notice that he put his knees down on either side of me – I thought he was just adjusting himself for better… enjoyment, or something.

It was only when I felt an intense heat and pressure in my abdomen that I looked down at him and saw-

This is hard to talk about.

[cough]

I looked up at him, and he leaned over me on all fours and smiled. I had no control over my face. I knew he had the head of his penis stuck in my slit, he was only putting a little pressure on it, but his smile told me that at any second he might tear me apart.

I was mortified.

I thought I would die, impaled on his massive member.

He caressed the sides of my slit with two fingers and then stuck them in his mouth. I had to close my eyes. I thought I would die just from seeing it. He pulled out his penis only to stick his fingers in me and wiggle them a bit – I truly do not know what he was thinking – rubbed them up his shaft, and then entered me again.

I cannot describe how warm he was and how profoundly wrong it felt to have that kind of heat inside of me.

“You can’t do that.” I said, but much too late. He was already halfway in.

“I can.” he said and smiled, then leaned in to kiss me. I don’t think I even kissed back, I think my mouth was just open in shock. “And I will.” he added, wide-eyed and eyebrows waggling.

I stared at him while I felt my insides give room for him, and I suppose I should be grateful that he was taking it slow, but at the time it mostly felt like some sort of perverse torture. Not painful, exactly, just wrong.

“You’re so wet for me.” he said.

I trembled in horror.

“What?” I whispered.

“You’re so wet. Here, feel it.” he said and took one of my hands and guided it to my own slit, as if I didn’t know where it was. As if I-

He acted like I was a woman. I didn’t know what to do.

In all my life I never thought something like that would happen to me. I wouldn’t have been able to imagine it if I had tried.

Of course I was wet, I’d been having sex, how else would I have gotten slick enough to penetrate someone?

That didn’t mean I was wet so that someone could ram their penis into me.

That’s not how men work. That’s not what it’s for.

He kissed me, but I was still shaken by what was going on. He noticed.

“Relax, it’s fine.” he said.

“I’m not a woman.” I protested.

“I know.”

He reached for my hand again, wrapped it around my penis and held it up against his. He thrust into me and those lumps – his testicles, I assume – brushed against my shaft.

“Hold it like that.” he said, and I thought I might go crazy.

He let go of me, only to lean in to kiss me, and held my head down to do so. It was overwhelming. He pulled out only to push deeper inside me with each thrust, and soon he started to just thrust rhythmically. I could no longer ignore how it felt when he was inside me – I could feel how his slightly flared head moved, how it brushed against my walls, how my muscles involuntarily tightened and relaxed and how that changed the sensations.

I couldn’t help but feel that he had somehow made me his woman. I didn’t know what to do about it. I wondered if I’d forever think of myself as his mistress.

He noticed my confusion when he tried to kiss me and I didn’t do anything to return his attention.

“You destroyed my mask because you wanted me to fuck you.” he said.

“No.” I said.

“You want me to shoot a load inside you, hm?”

“Must you be so crude?” I said.

Why did I say that? It was something a woman might say. Why would I have a problem with crudeness? I was a low-ranking officer once, I know how men talk.

I swallowed.

He grinned and stopped.

“You are incredible.” he said and suppressed a laugh.

I frowned. It didn’t seem like a genuine compliment.

He pulled out of me and I gasped. He got down from the console and I breathed a sigh of relief, before he grabbed me behind the knees and pulled me towards the edge. He got down on his knees and pressed his face towards my slit, and I could feel him enter me with his tongue, wiggling it around, rubbing it against each side in turn. Just like you would with a woman.

I couldn’t breathe.

I don’t know why I locked my legs around him.

My penis was somehow hard despite the horrors and was pressed uncomfortably against his chin, and he reached up a hand to stroke me as he continued to work his tongue inside me.

I have never felt anything like it. I can only assume every woman I’ve lain with has felt pleasure at least as good as this. He looked up at me at one point and when our eyes met it felt like a jolt of electricity went through me.

I don’t know how I came from it – fucking his ass had been much better for me but that had not made me come.

He rose. I thought it was finally over. I didn’t understand what I had gotten myself into. Couldn’t remember how I’d ended up in this situation.

But he took his hard penis and tapped it against my slit, and I thought: I can’t handle this. I’ve never fainted once in my life but I wondered if now might not be the first time.

“You have zero self-awareness.” he said.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said and swallowed. I was starting to shrink back into my slit, which made his size seem even more disproportionate to mine. Still, I wrapped my legs around him. His warmth was comforting in the chill air of the room.

Without a word from either of us he entered me again, and I closed my eyes. I felt myself expand around him, felt how snugly he fit.

“You’re obsessed with me.” he said.

I flung my eyes open and glared at him.

“You’re obsessed with me!”

But he started thrusting in and out of me and I could not continue to glare.

“And you still don’t understand that you want me sexually, because you still haven’t realised that men can have sex with men. You removed my mask so that I would have sex with you. And still you don’t understand that you want me.” he panted.

“I don’t… know what you’re talking about.” I said. “Men don’t…”

“What are we doing, Dukat?” he said and kissed me.

“I don’t…” I started. He quickly grabbed my chin and turned my head down to watch him push inside me. And pull out, my wet slit making the same noise a woman’s would. And push back in.

I moaned.

“Yes you do.” he said. His voice was so commanding. “Say it.”

He pushed my chin up and forced me took look into his eyes. I shook my head.

“I want you.” he said. I started hyperventilating. I don’t know why. He sped up his thrusting. “Say it.”

I didn’t understand what he wanted me to say.

“You can do it. Come on.” he said. It just felt unfair. I was busy trying to brace myself against his thrusts, I could do nothing else. Could think of nothing else.

He ran a hand down the side of my neck, down to my shoulder, and it was so pleasant that I moaned. I let go of the console with one hand to show him where and how to caress me, and he did it eagerly. I groaned and had to fight to stay upright instead of falling over backwards from the sensation.

“Say it, Dukat.”

“Say what, dammit?”

“Say that you love having sex with me.”

It made my brain short-circuit. I knew I would orgasm; I could feel it build inside me.

“Skrain.” I croaked as I held on for dear life.

“What?”

“My name. Skrain.” I said and fell apart.

It took a few minutes for my senses to return.

He was holding me up while I couldn’t control my body.

“You okay?”

I could neither speak nor nod; I could barely keep my eyes open to begin with.

“Do you need to lie down?”

I started by taking a deep breath. I felt Benjamin pull out of me but it was a distant sensation. I just felt empty.

“Yeah.” I finally managed to say.

I thought he’d help me to my feet, but instead he picked me up in his arms with a loud grunt.

I am an adult man. And a gul. No one should pick me up like that.

Once again I thought that he was stronger than I had assumed. He set me down very gently on the floor – not an easy task even for men as strong as us.

I laid down and breathed with my eyes closed for a moment.

He laid down beside me and caressed my slit.

“Too much.” I said – something women have said to me on multiple occasions.

“I want you to fuck me.” he said.

“I’m…” I started and opened my eyes. “I’m going to need a moment.”

“I’ll get the lube.” he said and got up. I missed his warmth.

I wondered if my men were still fucking those nurses. I wondered if we would all die from this. I didn’t think I could take much more. How many hours until I broke from exhaustion? One?

Benjamin came back and laid down beside me to caress my slit again. I realised he wanted to get me hard. I sighed.

“Fine.” I said and laboriously got to my knees.

“Do it.” he said. It sounded like an order. I was still trying to catch my breath.

As I rubbed myself to get hard, I noticed that I was sore. It took a little longer this time before I swelled up and everted. I stroked myself a few times and saw that Benjamin was already handing me the lube. I sighed and nodded.

He lifted his legs and my mind wasn’t entirely present when I entered him this time, I thought it would feel mostly like a chore – that I had been so desensitised by the soreness and the aching that I wouldn’t enjoy it much. It wasn’t until I instinctively leaned forward against his legs that I saw the look on his face and changed my mind.

He was happy.

I thrust into him at a moderate pace at first, motivated by his look of bliss, his mouth partially open, framed by his full lips that I had kissed several times without even thinking about it. The way he shook and trembled beneath me.

I picked up the pace and it felt just as good as the first time, except he wasn’t clenching as tightly around me so I could feel more of his insides.

“I want you to come inside me, like I came inside you.” he said and I already felt close to coming. It was fast.

I leaned as close as his legs would let me.

“Look at me.” I said.

He looked up at me, and I let myself go inside him. I groaned and gasped for breath, but didn’t lose control completely like before.

I set his legs down and crawled on top of him, kissed his nipples and pressed myself against him to feel his heat.

At first I didn’t even think about how wrong it was that he had come inside me, and I in him. It didn’t seem to matter. I just laid there, and he kissed my neck while I tried to recover. I tried to come to terms with the fact that his seed had ended up inside me, and I wondered what this made me. How could I still see myself as a man? Would my men notice that I was somehow different?

At some point he forced me to roll off him.

“Did you hear the comm badge?” he asked.

“No.” I said.

He tried to get up but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back down to the floor. He landed clumsily on top of me and I grunted. He struggled to free himself and I struggled to keep him close, and I found it quite enjoyable.

“Let go, I’m just getting my badge.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” I said and tried to pin him down, but it was as I had suspected – he clearly matched my strength.

The door chimed and I jerked in surprise. Benjamin got up and asked who it was.

“Dax.” she said. “Are you okay, Benjamin?”

“Yes.” he said. He didn’t look at me, and I figured I’d better get up off the floor too. “And you?”

“I’m good. We’ve come up with a plan. It seems the adjustments you made to the atmospheric controls helped, but I think we could see much faster clearance if we simply pumped out more air, now that we know that the spores get caught by the filters.”

“Um, okay.” Benjamin said, and rubbed the sides of his head.

“Oh, and I decided to send Odo to the Boslic ship, since Julian wasn’t making much progress. I hope that was alright. I couldn’t reach you. We’ve isolated the source of the spores.”

“That’s great.” he said, but without much conviction. It seemed clear where this was headed.

“If you let me in I can adjust the controls.”

I walked over to my uniform and started putting it on. My disruptor still lay where I had put it. I glanced at Benjamin. He hadn't seemed to notice it.

“Ah, yes. I uh. Yeah.” Benjamin said. I watched him as I pulled on my trousers.

“I’m armed.” she said.

“That’s great.” he said, then shook his head. “I mean – I’m having a little trouble thinking straight.”

“Odo says people have calmed down considerably on the promenade, so you should also start to feel better. But if you want, I can wait.”

Benjamin looked at me for the first time since Dax showed up, and frowned. He spotted the disruptor. I put on my belt and put the disruptor in its holster.

“If you prefer, you can tell me which adjustments to make and I can get started while you wait.” I suggested to Dax.

Benjamin was starting to look tense. I resented that.

“Alright. First, can you read off the values for systems IG5 to KL2?” Dax said. I glanced at Benjamin as he went to his clothes and looked at them with a frown.

I went to the control panel and realised what a mess we had made. There were semi-dried traces of various fluids that had run down the panels.

“Just a moment.” I said and replicated a towel to wipe it down with so I could actually see something. While I read off the values I put on the rest of my uniform.

Benjamin got dressed with his back towards me while I worked, but every so often I would catch a glimpse of the grimace on his face. After no more than fifteen minutes he unsealed the door and before Dax could say anything he took off down the corridor.

“Benjamin!” she called after him. It was the last I saw of him.

Dax entered and glared at me, then saw the mess, the stains on the floor, and scrunched up her nose. No doubt it smelled. I realised the container of lube was still lying on the floor. I shrugged.

She glared at me and when she opened her mouth to no doubt accuse me of something, I interrupted her.

“You’re lucky I’m such a tolerant man, lieutenant, or I would be pressing charges once this is over.”

Chapter Text

Personal log, Dukat, SG

I’ve spent every cycle since the incident thinking about it. Not all the time, of course, but when my schedule allows I’ve returned to my quarters to think. Part of me has tried to trick my better judgement to plan future missions in the Bajoran sector instead of the more vulnerable territories, just to give me more opportunities to dock at Deep Space Nine.

I can’t help but feel that there is now an unbreakable bond between me and Benjamin, one that transcends space and time. I must speak with him about it.

I’m sure he feels the same way.

It pained me that he simply left when his lieutenant arrived and then refused to see me. No doubt he felt similar shame as I do, he just doesn’t have the discipline to manage it. But we are in this together now, we feel the same kind of confusion and… I’m having trouble putting my feelings into words. I feel a need to speak about the unspeakable things we did. And I cannot deny that I want him to look at me with such desire again.

Personal log, Dukat, SG

We went to Deep Space Nine to procure more provisions, allow the men to stretch their legs and for me to visit Ziyal. I was so happy that she was away during the Boslic ship incident – I don’t trust that these Federation people wouldn’t have corrupted her irreparably.

I spent some time with her in the replimat and then we went to her quarters so she could show me the art she’s been working on – I am truly very proud of her. When she mentioned being interested in learning tailoring from Garak it felt like getting shot in the stomach. The thought of her working for him, learning anything from him or being influenced by him in any way is so offensive it bears no comparison. I explained to her – not for the first time – what he did to my father, but also that he is a very sick man.

It may be my fault that she cannot benefit from the high social status I was born with, but she must have something far better than a man from the servant class. Even if he hadn’t been a deviant and an exile he would have been beneath her.

I told her I’d rather see her with a Bajoran man than Garak, and I hope that got my sentiment across without giving her any ideas.

We dined together and I felt much better for having spoken with her. She is such a sweet girl.

Now, during this whole day I hadn’t gotten a single message from Benjamin, which I found most peculiar. I spoke with major Kira as soon as we decloaked, and I suggested that I would be willing to share some intelligence with them, but she told me that they were ‘too busy’ and that the captain had his schedule full with important meetings.

This was clearly a lie, and I spent much time trying to figure out why he would avoid me like this. I realised the most likely explanation was that he was too embarrassed to be seen with me publicly, both because he is the Emissary and because he would have to admit that the Federation and Bajorans have been treating me unfairly for years. Perhaps he even fears he’d be unable to hide his true feeling around me.

Still, I expected him to send me a private message. The fact that he didn’t probably meant he expected me to contact him first.

Well.

I went back to my ship quite late by station time and downloaded some intelligence on the captain and his family, picked up a codebreaker and then went back to the habitat ring. Getting to my old quarters undetected is something I could do in my sleep, but I assumed they had changed the access code since I let myself in with my old code that one time. The look on Benjamin’s face when he found me sitting on his couch, ah, it had been very enjoyable.

I tried the old code first, just in case, but they had indeed changed it. After a combination of fifteen different codes of significance to his family I found a code that worked – Jake’s birthday. I didn’t even have to use the code breaker.

The state of Starfleet’s security truly is appalling. Well, it was fortunate for me that I didn’t have to stand around in the corridor long enough for someone to run into me.

I went inside and took off my boots – I wouldn’t want to wake his son – and tip-toed to the master bedroom, boots in hand. When the door opened it took me less than a second to realise that this couldn’t possibly be Benjamin’s room – there were so many things crammed in there.

“Dad?” his son muttered and sat up. I quickly left and looked around the living room, and had just enough time to dive behind the couch before Jake exited his room to stand in the doorway.

“Dad?”

I held my breath until he went away, then patiently waited about fifteen minutes before getting up and going to the other bedroom.

Why would anyone give the largest bedroom to their child? I could understand if he’d had many children and limited number of bedrooms, it would have been more convenient to cram them all in there and take a smaller room for yourself, but Jake was his only child!

Anyway, I tip-toed my way to the second bedroom and saw Benjamin's outline against the bed in the dark. It tickled me that he slept with his window shutters open. Anyone could be looking in, especially someone from a cloaked ship – he’d never know. Perhaps he liked to imagine me sitting out there, watching over him as he slept.

I smiled.

My plan had been to speak with him about our situation, but the sight of him changed my mind and I undressed instead. I worried that he might wake up from the noise I made – I tried to be quiet but the damn Klingon trophies clinked against the sash as I took it off – but he slept soundly and I even got into the bed and under the cover before he so much as stirred.

I wrapped an arm around him and laid my head down on the second pillow. He must have been thinking of me, to put an extra pillow down on the bed. I kissed him on the shoulder and pressed myself towards his back. He was so warm. Even though he smelled like warmbloods do, I didn’t mind – the warmth more than made up for it.

He pressed himself towards me and then froze. He shot up with a jerk.

“What the hell-” he yelped before I clasped a hand over his mouth.

“There’s no need to wake Jake.” I whispered.

“Mumam” was all I could hear him utter.

“Shh.”

I pushed him firmly back down on the pillow while he stared at me, and I carefully took my hand off his mouth, to see if he would have any more outbursts. His lips were just as I remembered them, thanks to my excellent memory. I leaned over to kiss him but he scooted away from me.

“What do you want, Dukat?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“So you broke into my home?”

I snorted. These were my old quarters after all, and guessing such an obvious code hardly counted as breaking in.

“Major Kira said your schedule was very full. I deduced that if you had no other opportunity to see me, it must mean you wanted to see me now.”

His eyes were wide and he drew the cover up to his chin when I looked down at his breasts. I reached out under the cover to fondle him and play with one of his nipples but instead of smiling he looked mortified.

“Benjamin, this is nothing to be anxious about – you taught me that.”

I crawled over him and kissed him on his collar bones.

“I don’t want to see you, Dukat.”

“Skrain.” I corrected him and kissed him on the mouth. He tried to resist. I pulled the cover back, straddled him and started grinding my hips against him. “Besides, I came all the way from the Dorvan sector.”

“You should have spared yourself the trouble. If you’d asked first, I would have told you that I want nothing to do with you.” he said and freed his hands.

“That’s not true, Benjamin. You know as well as I do that there’s no undoing what happened between us. We share a deep connection.”

He tried to push me off and I pressed myself flat against him and held him as tight as I could.

“You can’t break into my home and assault me, this is-”

“Assault you?!” I said and raised my head only high enough to look into his dark eyes. “Benjamin, I would never do that! Is that how you see me? All I want is to see you smile – I’ve never seen you so relaxed and happy as last time we met. You said it yourself; you want me. And I’m here to give myself to you.”

“Dukat, I do not-” he said and the way he wiggled beneath me was quickly making me aroused, and I sat up. I grabbed his wrists, surprised that he was struggling so, but without putting enough effort into it to actually gain control. I knew he would have been able to if he’d only tried. I pressed his hands to my chest.

“Benjamin, look into my eyes.”

He stilled for a moment as his eyes met mine.

“You’re insane.” he whispered.

“Perhaps. I have been unable to stop thinking about you. The things you said to me. How you were willing to break the laws of nature, just to do that with me.”

“Dukat, we’re not a couple.”

“Of course not. Why do you think I sneaked in here? I know you value your privacy. I saw how embarrassed you were. No one needs to know.”

“No.” he wiggled his head on the pillow. “No, Dukat. Just go. Just leave. Don’t come back.”

That hurt. I hung my head for a moment. This wasn’t at all what I had expected. I tried to come up with a way to fix it.

“I see.” I said, meanwhile, and sighed. “Will you at least listen while I tell you what I found while scouting the Torgan system?”

“You can tell major Kira. Now get off my bed.”

“Benjamin. Whence comes this hostility towards me? You seemed so happy with me last time.”

“You broke in! Into my bedroom! While I was sleeping!” he said and took a deep breath. “And you… I don’t know what you think is going on between us but I have nothing but contempt for you.”

I grit my teeth for a moment. I had a hard time believing what I heard. There must have been something else keeping him from telling me what he really felt.

“Only… contempt?” I said and pinned his hands to the mattress as I bent down to kiss him. His mouth was so warm, his lips so soft, and he stopped struggling. I gently pried his lips apart with my tongue and he let me in – oh how lovely that was. He kissed me back and I intertwined my fingers with his. It was a moment to remember.

I rolled over beside him and sighed.

“All I really want is to once again see the beautiful smile you gave me that day.” I said and caressed his cheek. He still glared at me, but without much intensity. “What must I do to deserve it? Tell me, and I will do it.”

“What.” he groaned and sat up with a sigh.

I sat up too and reached to massage his shoulder. He sighed again.

“Is that so surprising to you? Your opinion has always mattered to me.” I said while trying to make him relax, something he seemed wont to refuse to do. When he didn’t say anything for a while, I scooted closer and wrapped my arms around him, felt his warm skin against my scales. I put my lips against his ear. “Help me become the man you want me to be.” I whispered. I kissed his neck softly. “And in return I’ll give myself to you.”

He removed my hands and freed himself from my embrace.

“Dukat… you can’t come here unannounced and expect me to humour you. I don’t even- I don’t even know what you want from me. There’s nothing going on between us. We’re not friends. We had sex, and only because of the damn spores. It was nothing more than that.” he said and finally faced me.

I cupped his chin and he glanced away awkwardly.

“I don’t know what I find more offensive – that you lie to me or that you lie to yourself.” I said. “You never struck me as a delusional man. Quite the contrary. You always seemed so clear-headed and wise.”

“I find you offensive. Despicable. You have no respect for other people, no respect for boundaries. You-” he stopped suddenly and removed my hand from his chin and I looked at him from under my ridges.

“Tell me how you really feel.”

“I hate you.”

I laughed. If he’d said something believable – that he felt anxious or embarrassed about what we had done – I might have taken him at his word. But hate? No.

“Is that so?” I said, and he looked at me in shock. He shook his head and I took his chin, his entire lower jaw, in a firm grip. I kissed him, hard, and felt how he breathed in sharply. He pushed me away and I looked at him, and licked my lips. I was so horny. It isn’t often that I get to feel like I know him better than he knows himself. “Do what you want with me then.” I whispered and grinned.

He closed his eyes for a moment, breathed in… then glared at me. I laid back down onto the pillow while locked in this stare.

His first punch was so well telegraphed it couldn’t have been sincere. I had no trouble redirecting it, but I didn’t want to use too much force. I know most species are more fragile than Cardassians, and I might easily break his arm while swatting it out of the way of my face.

I kept blocking most of his punches, while fighting to get my legs around his waist. We were soon both panting, trying to be quiet in our struggles. When he rammed my head into the headboard with a loud thunk we both stopped to listen for signs that we had woken anyone. I decided after a little while that we didn’t both need to keep an ear out for stirs or the sound of a door opening, and pulled him down so I could kiss his shoulder.

He answered by biting my neck and I tried to make my moans quiet. I had been holding on to him with my legs and he finally gave in and pinned me underneath him with his weight. He was so warm against me that I would have done anything for him in that moment. While the pain of his bite shot into my shoulder and throat I caressed his head and whispered encouraging words to him. I am no stranger to biting after all, but no Bajoran woman ever bit me like she wanted to devour me whole.

When he let go of me I clung to him, and we struggled while he tried to unwrap my arms and legs. It was only when he started to grind against me that I dared to let go, and even then I felt an urge to keep him tight against me that was so strong I could hardly resist it. He reached over the side of the bed and took out a small container from a drawer. He looked at me while he opened it to pour out a small amount of gel on his hand and stroked himself with it, then he violently shifted my legs to the side and straddled me. I just laid back and braced myself.

He wasn’t gentle, like the first time. This hurt. I wasn’t entirely ready for his aggressive thrusts – if a man truly can be ready for something so unnatural – but his grunts and moans, the way he looked so furious and horny at the same time, more than made up for the pain. I refused to shy away from it, even though I realised what I really had wanted was that delighted smile he’d given me last time. The fact that he held my legs down with his meant he wanted me badly, he was probably just too ashamed to admit it.

“We destroyed a Klingon outpost.” I said, panting. I wasn’t sure why I’d blurted it out like that. Benjamin’s eyes darted around as if he tried to get me into focus. He was putting much of his weight on his fists as he pumped into me, and he looked magnificent. And angry. “We found plans to place mines… around Bajoran space. I thought you would like to know. I-”

“Shut up.” he hissed.

“I could help. I have… location data.”

He looked conflicted. I wasn’t sure if that was an improvement.

“Why are you telling me this now?” he hissed.

I tried to take a deep breath, but it was difficult with him inside me.

“I wasn’t sure… when I’d get the opportunity… to tell you.”

He paused and sat up, panting.

“How old were these plans?”

I rolled my eyes and tried to think.

“We found them two days ago, I came straight here. The plans seemed to be a few days old when we found them.”

“So the mines could already be in place?”

“I doubt they’d send the information around several sectors before they’d finished mining.” I said.

He shook his head and clicked his tongue.

“Dammit!”

He made a move to get out of bed and I sat up to hold him back.

“I’m not done.”

“I need to inform major Kira.”

“It can wait a few more minutes.” I said and scowled.

He tried to jerk his arm free of me and I flung myself at him, forcing his face down into the mattress.

“It can wait.” I growled, and realised just how good it made me feel to force him down like this. “I don’t leave lovers unfinished.”

I had one of his arms locked behind his back and scrambled to get the other one. I have no doubt that it would have been much more difficult if he hadn’t wanted me to do this. I ground my hips against his ass.

“Do it.” he hissed.

I chuckled softly and kept pressing him down into the bed. Truth be told, a few seconds more of that and I might have lost all self-control. Instead, I reached for the lube.

“Just do it.”

“No.” I said, while making sure I was well lubed-up, and applied some of the gel around his asshole with my thumb.

“I can take it.”

He stayed still even though I had let go of him and I felt the urge to subdue him, to really feel him struggle against me, to hear him finally admit that I had won. However, I had promised to please him, and entering him was probably a better use of the little time he was willing to give me.

“I don’t doubt it.” I said and growled as I spread his cheeks and pressed myself against him. “But I have no wish to hurt you.”

He took a few deep breaths and shuddered. I wondered if he was cold – I was. I pulled out slightly, and gently pushed into him again. I noticed he had his arms outstretched by his sides now, and I reached to press his writs into the mattress. He moaned so deliciously I felt I might come before he did.

I increased the pace once I was confident that he liked what I was doing, and only paused briefly to apply some more lube. When I let go of his wrists he bucked his hips and used one hand to stroke himself, like last time. Once I resumed my thrusting he closed his eyes and grit his teeth. It wasn’t like his smile, but I enjoyed seeing him this affected by my movements nonetheless. His breath soon hitched and he gave off a soft groan – I slowed down a moment, then forced him flat against the bed and pressed my chest against his back before resuming.

He let me take his hands and I held him down until I felt I would come. It didn’t take long. I moved his hands up further towards his head and intertwined my fingers with his, and it felt very intimate.

The sensation was too much for me.

His fingers were so warm and soft against mine, I was so cold and his body – so tightly pressed against mine – was the only thing providing me with any warmth. After I came inside him I rested my face against his muscular shoulder and kissed him.

I didn’t lie there for nearly as long as I would have wished – I just didn’t want to hear him tell me to leave again. I felt sore, and vulnerable. I rolled off him, but I was sluggish from the cold and sleepy from the release, so I remained sitting on the edge of the bed for a few moments to catch my breath, and when Benjamin got up on one elbow I turned around to kiss him, and he let me.

“I just wish I could have made you smile once more.” I said. I probably shouldn’t have. I heard him sigh and start to wiggle his head like he always did when stressed and bothered. I grabbed his chin. “You should relax more, Benjamin.”

“I can assure you I am much more relaxed when you’re not around.” he said.

“We’ll have to change that, then.” I said and got off the bed. “You should also change the code for your door. It’s a dumb code.”

“I will. Don’t come back, Dukat.”

I was half-way to my clothes when he said that, and I spun around and put one knee on the bed and reached for his face. I clawed lightly at his cheek.

“Nothing.” I said. “Nothing is going to keep me away from you.”

He raised his eyebrows at me with a defiant grimace.

“Then I hope you look forward to spending the rest of your life in a human penal colony.”

I smiled and dressed.

“I’ll send the data to you once I’m back on my ship. If you have any questions, just ask. It’ll be a few hours before I depart.”

He gave me an irritated sigh and got up, wrapped himself in a robe and – when he caught me looking at him – gestured for me to get out. I smiled at him and left. I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been thinking about him since.

Chapter Text

The two and a half weeks since my last visit have seemed unusually long. I’ve felt cold, probably because I’ve been reminded of the benefits of having a warm-blooded lover and how dreary life is without one. Every time I go to bed to sleep I think about how much better it would be to sleep in my old quarters, and have Benjamin there to warm my bed for me.

I had promised Ziyal I’d come and see her as soon as I docked, but I was caught off guard by the commotion on the promenade and stopped to watch for a while. Benjamin was conducting some sort of ceremony outside the temple, and I wondered if my daughter was anywhere among the onlookers.

As far as I could tell he spoke some garbled version of Bajoran, but the Bajorans seemed very impressed with him nonetheless and cheered and clapped. I couldn’t help but think that the Federation were a cruel people for playing along with their backwards superstitions. Had I been a lesser man, I could have done the same – think what power I would have had over them if I’d taken on the role as their religious leader. They never knew how lucky they were to have me as their caretaker, and now they worshipped a man who didn’t share their faith but nonetheless pretended that it had merit, just to strengthen his own faction. Not that I would criticise Benjamin for it. He was a clever man. Charismatic, even, when he wanted to be. At least, the Bajorans seemed to think so.

The people around me kept turning and giving me irritated looks, as if my mere presence offended them. I smiled but said nothing about it. Benjamin pretended that I wasn’t there – he may have been too focused on whatever ceremony he was performing to notice me, but after a while I started wondering why I was watching this farce, and left.

Ziyal had hinted that she had news for me, but she didn’t have much of importance to say when I met her in her quarters. We spent some time chatting and she asked me to accompany her to a play being performed by a troupe of Bajoran actors. It was all part of the festival of… no, I can’t recall, it was either love or grace or… whatever. Anyway, it made me happy that she suggested it – it gave me an opportunity to show that I supported her exploration of her Bajoran heritage. Perhaps the Bajorans on the station would see that I supported them too.

After a long dinner we we entered the hall and looked for seats. I suggested we go to one of the front rows, but she didn’t follow, and simply stood there, scanning the crowd.

“Whom are you looking for?” I asked.

“Oh, no one in particular.” she said.

“Ziyal.” I said, sternly.

“If you must know, I’ve made a new friend.” she said.

“Oh, and what is her name?”

“Oh, uh… there he is!” she said and pointed to one of the middle rows, and she started to walk very fast but I gracefully inserted myself into the row before she could, and sat down between her and her intended target – Jake Sisko. She immediately leaned forward around me to give him one of her sweet smiles.

“Hi!”

I glanced at the gangly young man on my other side and frowned. Fancied himself a writer but hadn’t actually produced anything yet, spent his days as a layabout and troublemaker – I’ve read up on all of Sisko’s tiny family. And now he was getting friendly with my daughter?

He replied to her with a nervous smile that lasted about 300 milliseconds and which then quickly turned into a grimace of poorly contained fear. My daughter valiantly tried to have a conversation with him but when he wasn’t stammering he didn’t say much, and the conversation died down minutes before the curtain call. People kept asking him if the seat next to him was free and he said he was holding it for someone. If he had another girlfriend while courting my daughter I might just-

The lights went off and as the music started I observed someone apologetically make their way through the row – I knew that outline well.

Perhaps Jake wasn’t so bad for my daughter after all. It frustrated me that he was sitting between me and Benjamin though.

During the pause Ziyal went to make conversation with Jake and I had planned to speak to Benjamin but he had managed to vanish. Ziyal tried to pull me into the conversation, asking my opinion on the story, the acting, the costumes – and when Garak’s name was mentioned I watched her carefully for any hint that she still clung to her interest in that despicable man.

I can’t even say what the play was about; the plot had something to do with Bajoran superstition and that might explain Benjamin’s presence. I had been busy trying to figure out if it was dark enough by warmblood standards to sneak a hand into Benjamin’s lap and perhaps do unspeakable things to him in the cover of darkness, should the opportunity present itself. It didn’t seem all that dark to me. And if Garak was there, somewhere… he’d no doubt be watching me.

As we returned to our seats Ziyal asked me to switch places with her and I told her this was a very poor idea, since the man in front of me was so tall she’d not see much of the stage, which left me with the perfect opportunity to get what I wanted as well.

“Mister Sisko.” I said and Jake tried to hide his nervousness with a smile. “I believe my daughter would appreciate your company. Switch seats with me.”

“O-kay.” he said and I adjusted my uniform as I sat down in his seat.

They whispered to each other well past what was socially acceptable, and when the actors started speaking I gave them a sideways glance. I shook my head at their poor etiquette and wondered if Benjamin was not going to come back. This whole manoeuvre would have been completely unnecessary if all I got for it was an empty seat. I would have much rather sat next to my daughter than Benjamin’s son.

A few minutes later Benjamin arrived, apologising his way through the row until he saw me, froze, then continued. For the rest of the play I pretended not to notice him, and he pretended not to notice me.

I did extend my leg towards his until we were touching each other and I could feel that delicious warmth. It made me very happy that he didn’t pull away – we had never shared any sort of intimacy in public, and this felt very exciting despite being so chaste.

I imagined what would happen if the Bajorans saw him. How they would react if I pulled him into my lap, or kissed him? Would they change their minds about me once they saw that their precious Emissary was mine, and mine alone? Probably not. Their hatred of me was irrational.

I have no idea what the play was about and couldn’t even say how it ended. By the time the curtain fell I was already planning my attack on Benjamin’s quarters, and now that I knew that he slept with his shutters open I entertained the idea of watching him from my ship until I was sure that he was alone, but that was of course impossible. Everyone on the crew and everyone in the station’s operations department would know what was going on.

No, if I am ever going to do that it would have to be right before docking. It was quite useless to think about it then. What I needed was a personal shuttle with cloaking technology, and there is no such thing as far as I’m aware.

I said good night to Ziyal and spent an obscene amount of time getting ready to visit Benjamin. There wasn’t much to do, I couldn’t busy myself with my appearance because I always look good, so I spent most of the time reading and pacing. I’ve never been prone to pacing – I have always had better discipline than this – but something has changed me, deeply.

Perhaps this is why men do not have relations with other men, because it changes them irreparably. Makes us weak. Women and men complement each other, there is a balance there, we give each other what the other is missing. Perhaps Benjamin had somehow infected me with his tension. Perhaps when men lie together they just intensify each other’s impulsiveness and ambitions. He didn’t make me feel calm like a woman always does.

I must be onto some deeper truth – it’s a shame I can never share it with anyone, or they would ask me how I achieved this insight.

I briefly entertained the idea of getting myself a civilian suit, something that showed off my shoulders and hips. Something that would make Benjamin look at me and immediately want to tear my clothes off. But I recognised that I would feel very ridiculous if spotted on the way to or from his quarters.

No, we are both military men and we both understand necessity. We make the best out of what’s available to us, we do not need luxuries.

Ah, but Benjamin is a collector of artefacts, and perhaps next time I ought to bring him some. No doubt I could procure something suitable to gift him, to put him in a better mood.

I challenged my impatience and visited him later than last time, just to ensure that he wasn’t still entertaining guests when I arrived – one never knew with these festivals. He had indeed changed his door code; it took me forty minutes to get in and I was surprised that there were no patrols in that time. Lax security always puts me in such a bad mood, but I suppose I should be thankful for it.

I sneaked into his bedroom and repeated the procedure from last time. I thought he was sleeping soundly, but when I put down my belt and it made the tiniest clink against the Klingon trophies he shot up and stared at me.

I smiled at him.

He scowled.

I took off my chest armour and approached his side of the bed. I was hoping he might tear my uniform off, but he was much too restrained. Or perhaps just too strained by his duties to be in the mood.

“I told you not to come back.”

“I needed to perform maintenance and visit my daughter…” I said.

“That does not necessitate you breaking into my bedroom, and you know it.”

He had drawn his shoulders up and I knew something was wrong, so I sat down next to him on the edge of the bed. He wiggled his head as I reached out to caress his face, but he didn’t pull away very far.

“I worry about you, Benjamin. You are still young and you think you can keep this up forever, but let me tell you, from my experience, commanders who are this tense all the time don’t get to grow old.”

“I would relax if you just left me alone.”

“No, it’s more than that. But I can help you. Here.” I said and turned him away from me so that I could massage his shoulders. He sighed. It took considerable time before I felt him relax, and then I pulled him towards my chest, let him lean against me and massaged his temples.

“Everyone is celebrating but you. Are you ever able to just have fun and relax?”

“Yes.” he said.

“When was the last time you did that?”

“Last week.”

“Benjamin.” I said and tutted at him. “Lie down.”

He laid on his stomach and I straddled him to continue massaging his back. I dug the balls of my hands down deep into his muscles and smiled every time he groaned. Every now and then I kissed his neck, wishing that I could see his face. I hoped he was smiling.

I was starting to regret not undressing before committing to this; now I was stuck performing a massage with his naked ass so tempting underneath me, but separated from me by my uniform. I wanted to grind against him, wanted him to feel how horny I was for him.

His ass was just there for me to do what I wanted with – he trusted me. I knew it.

I threw off my undershirt and laid down on top of him, held him and felt his warmth against my scales. I wished that he’d had hair for me to nuzzle, but instead I kissed his neck and hoped it would earn me some reaction.

He didn’t so much as turn his head towards me. His breathing was slow and heavy. He seemed relaxed. I did not understand why he wasn’t more… aroused. The Bajoran women I have fucked would have been close to orgasm after such a massage.

“Benjamin?” I whispered. He only grunted in response and I got off the bed to remove my trousers. He finally turned around, but didn’t look at me. His eyelids seemed heavy. This was not what I had planned.

“Are you not feeling alright?” I asked, and he drew in a deep breath and stretched. I loved the way he moved, loved seeing his muscles work under that smooth, dark skin of his.

“I would like to sleep, Dukat. This would be a good time for you to leave.”

I was taken aback by that.

“But we’re not finished!” I said, then realised I should have said something else. Made him a tempting offer instead.

He opened one eye and gave me a cold look.

“You thought I’d fuck you in exchange for a massage? After you broke into my home, again?”

“Benjamin…” I started, then bit my tongue. “Is it so wrong for me to hope that you would share a bit of warmth with me?”

“Under these circumstances, yes.” he said and gave me an insincere smile.

I cocked my head to the side.

“I want to give you pleasure – is that so bad?” I continued, trying to make my voice soft and not betray the disappointment and frustration I felt.

“No, you want to have sex. You want to feel good. All this other stuff is just pretend. At heart you’re an egoist and you care about no one but yourself.” he said and pointed at me accusingly.

He hadn’t even finished his sentence before I started seeing red. I threw myself at him and dug my nails into his cheeks.

“Egoist?” I hissed. “Me?”

“Yes.” he said with a grin and crazed eyes.

I ground my teeth and glared at him for a moment, before I realised what he was doing.

“You’re trying to rile me up.” I said and released him.

“Just stating the truth.”

“There is no need, Benjamin. Just say what you want me to do.”

“Fine, you want to please me, then please me.” he said with a shrug.

“Then roll over on your-”

“No.”

He stared up at me and I gave him a questioning look.

“This would be much more convenient if-”

“Use your mouth.” he said and I looked down at his penis. He wasn’t even hard. “Or was this not about pleasing me? Was it about your pleasure all along?”

I frowned. I didn’t like this. It didn’t seem like a good idea to let him boss me around like I was his servant girl – perhaps this was some sort of test. He would lose respect for me if I acted like I was less than his equal.

But then, he had just accused me of being an egoist and I felt the need to prove him wrong.

“What’s the matter, Dukat?”

“Skrain.”

“Go on, or get out.”

I opened my mouth and ran my tongue over my teeth while I considered my options. I could always try to hold him down and fuck him anyway, but if this was some sort of test, then…

He scooted up a bit towards the headboard and leaned back with his arms behind his head. I bent my head down and looked at his soft member, just hanging sadly from his groin. He had already come inside me once, perhaps I was already a woman in his eyes. Perhaps I didn’t have much dignity left to lose.

I couldn’t find a comfortable position, and I hoped this wouldn’t take very long. First I licked just the tip and looked up at him. He gave me a slight smile and a nod. Encouraged, I licked more of his shaft and took him into my mouth to apply some light suction. He was getting hard, and gradually swelled up to a frightening size. I could not possibly fit much more than the head in my mouth, but still he smiled at me when I looked up at him.

“Use your hands too.” he said, surprisingly softly. He could have made it sound like an order, but chose not to. I don’t know if that made it better or worse.

I curled my fingers around his shaft but it was covered with dry skin, and I didn’t know how good that could possibly feel for him. The tip of his penis was the only part that seemed normal, though I noticed he was leaking some clear and salty fluid. I wasn’t sure whether I should point this out to him, or what I was supposed to do with it once it was in my mouth.

It was difficult for me to keep working my mouth up and down without spilling anything, but after a while I realised it made the rest of his shaft much slicker, and I tentatively started stroking him.

“Better.” he said. He sounded happier. He even smirked.

The whole thing felt so demeaning. I growled before getting back at it.

“Run your tongue around the edge. Like this.” he said and I looked up at him again. He moved his finger in a circle, and I did the same with my tongue along where the head of his penis met the shaft. He moaned, and I suddenly felt better, though the position was getting very uncomfortable. I laid down on my stomach instead of standing on all fours.

He put one of his hands around the lumps between his legs and I wondered if I had made him uncomfortable in some way, but when I looked up at him he just asked me to continue. He asked me to go faster and I did my best, and noticed that he was staring at me as his breath quickened.

“I might just… come soon.” he said. I frowned. “You don’t… want it in your mouth?” he asked.

I parted my lips and let him fall out.

“No.” I said sourly, but just as I was about to let him into my mouth again I thought better of it. “Unless you could manage to call me by my name.”

I didn’t get the chance to continue, he started stroking himself and soon came, groaning with his eyes shut.

I sighed and got up. My jaw and cheeks were remarkably sore. I had no idea there was so much work involved in sucking a man off. I had always assumed it was much easier than eating out a woman. Of course, I vastly preferred the latter, now that I could compare the two. I rolled off the bed and looked around his night stand where I knew he kept the lube, and eventually found some tissues for him.

“Here.”

“Thank you.”

I waited until he was done wiping off the semen from his hand, then pulled up the blanket that had gotten kicked down to the foot of the bed and threw it over him, before crawling into bed next to him. He squinted at me, but said nothing. Seeking his warmth, I rolled him over to the side and crept up towards his back.

This made me feel so much better. I wrapped an arm around him, fondled his breasts for a while in silence and pressed my face into the back of his neck.

“Benjamin, why won’t you call me by my name?”

“We’re not friends.”

“We’re more than that.”

“No. We’re not.”

“Why do you deny the bond that exists between us?”

“Because there is no bond, Dukat. We had sex. That’s all.”

“Yes, and that means that there’s now a bond between us. But more than that, we are… the same.”

“We are not. We are nothing alike.”

“Come on, Benjamin! You can’t expect me to believe that. We understand each other. We both know the burdens of command – we do things differently, but we understand.” I said and kissed his back.

“You are arrogant – you only think you know me. You assume that I share your values. You assume that I’m lying when I say that we are different because you can’t believe that someone would act altruistically. You assume that everyone has an ulterior motive that benefits themselves, because that’s how you are.”

“How little you understand me. I serve Cardassia, and I put the needs of my people first. Everything else is just a benefit that comes with the job, just as it is for you. Oh, you could be eating slop every day and send the station’s replicators to help the Bajoran war orphans, but you don’t. It serves you. You have to draw a line somewhere.”

He sighed.

“I think it’s time for you to leave now.”

“Once you are asleep, I will leave. I want to make sure that you are nicely relaxed.”

I scooted away from him a little so that I could caress his back.

“Dukat, I really do not want you coming here.”

“You need to pretend that I’m a monster – I understand. It hurts, you know that, surely? But I know that you know me better than that. You know that I care about you. That I can give you pleasure. That I can help you. You want me, and you wanted me even before you knew that I could do this for you.” I whispered. “No one else needs to know. Just relax and let me help you; it’s better for both of us that way.”

“I really-” he started, but I shushed him.

“Shh. It’s alright. Go to sleep.”

“I don’t like you Dukat. I don’t want to wake up and find you’re still here. And I don’t want you groping me while I sleep.”

“Benjamin!” I cried. “You cannot seriously believe I would do such a thing to you?”

In truth, the thought of him waking up when I was already halfway inside him was very arousing, but I’m no animal. I caressed his smooth chest.

“You already did that, last time.”

“I wasn’t groping you. But I understand. It’s difficult for you to come to terms with this situation, because your position hinges on opposing me.” I said, and softened my voice. “You don’t want to disappoint the Bajorans. That’s as it should be. But there is such a thing as caring too much, Benjamin. You won’t help them by refusing to rest, to never release this pressure you’re under. I know what that’s like, Benjamin. I know it better than you think.”

He grunted every now and then in reply, but I think my caresses were making him too sleepy to argue. I continued in a whisper.

“I want Bajor to thrive just as much as you do, but more than that, I want you to thrive. Your presence here gives me confidence in the future of the sector. We are alike, you and I. You are a good steward, if a bit naïve. Don’t refuse my support just because you can’t accept it openly. I will be discreet. Our interests are perfectly aligned in this. And if I need to work to earn your trust, I will.”

He had stopped grunting and I continued caressing him for maybe half an hour more before quietly getting up, and immediately missing the warmth of his body as I gathered up my clothes in the cold air. I stepped out into the living room and dressed there, to avoid waking him with the clinking of all the trophies from my many victories over the savage Klingons.

It was a shame I had not gotten the opportunity to come, but I’m a selfless man and I know that patience and tolerance is an approach that gives very good results with women – after the initial period of low rewards, where trust has to be established.

It wasn’t my fault that he didn’t trust me, so all I had to do was follow my own advice and go slow.

Perhaps coming to his bedroom at night wasn’t… no, he had approached me in environmental controls, he had already wanted me. We had already established intimacy. This was the natural progression. I had good reasons for all my actions, and he will see that, eventually.

Chapter Text

My latest visit didn’t go as planned. He had changed the code on his door again – well, I had anticipated that and brought the code breaker, this time with a small upgrade that allowed me to get notified when it found the correct code, so I didn’t have to stay in the corridor while it worked. I think it took about 50 minutes this time, plus the time it took for me to walk back to the door. Miserable work, and so unnecessary.

Still, I was looking forward to climbing into bed next to his sleeping body. I had thought about his warm skin all day, and there is nothing quite like coming back to a lover after a long day’s work (or in this case, weeks of work) and finding them naked and ready. It was out of care for him and his sleep that I took off my boots and armour in the living room and carried them to his bedroom – I even started taking off my shirt as I went through the door, eager to lie down with him.

He shot up in bed. He was much quicker than I had expected, and I could feel the atmosphere shift before I even saw the phaser in his hand – not that I had much time to look at it before I hit the floor.

It was impressive that I awoke at all – I was so infernally cold that it’s a wonder I regained consciousness. I couldn’t move a muscle, and the ceiling lights were turned on to full strength, blasting me in the face. There was nothing I could do about it – closing my eyes still didn’t protect me from that torturous light. My right arm was stuck at a weird angle, entangled in my shirt, and – as I discovered later – my left hand was stuck between my back and the unforgiving floor. I had lost all feeling in it, and at the time I wondered if I had been severely injured.

Needless to say, I was uncomfortable.

Perhaps it was a mercy that my mind shut down from the cold, because having to endure all that for who knows how long before Benjamin returned… it would surely have broken a lesser man. I heard the doors to his bedroom open, but could not make sense of the sound, nor was there anything I could do when he approached me but to slowly try to open my eyes, feeling that searing light threaten to burn my brain in a fire that provided no warmth at all.

“Wake up!” he barked, apparently not noticing that my tired gaze was evidence of my wakefulness.

The phaser in his hand shifted in and out of focus for me, and for a while I simply looked at it as if my eyes would be able to stop its beam from hitting me.

“Get up!”

I could do little more than sigh. I would have loved to get up and get into his bed, turn on the bed heat and just soak up the warmth.

But I couldn’t. Instead, I only managed a dry whisper.

“Cold.”

“That’s too bad. You still need to get up, or I’ll have security carry you out.”

I closed my eyes, a slight relief from the brightness of the room.

I know he squatted next to me – I felt the warmth of his hand on my neck like one might feel a Klingon pain stick to the groin (one imagines, anyway).

“You are cold.” he said. “Get dressed, and I’ll help you to the infirmary.”

“Heat.”

“Uh, yes. After you put your clothes back on.”

I tried to open my eyes again, but he evidently grew impatient with me, because he pulled me into a sitting position, though I had no control over my body and could no more support myself than I could do cartwheels around the room. It was all quite embarrassing.

He first pulled me up by my wrist, but then tried to keep me sitting up by supporting my back with his arm, and I felt some of his warmth through his uniform. I thought it was a shame that he was dressed. I couldn’t keep my head up, but I did try to rest it against his shoulder. In that moment I would have given up my ship to be able to bury my face in the crook of his neck, where his warm and beautiful skin was exposed.

He growled at me, but there wasn’t much body to the sound since humans don’t have the chest cavity to produce the necessary hum – not even males. I don’t mind, I like that he’s more like a woman than a man. It was just an observation I made at that point. Anyway, where was I…

Ah, yes, he lifted me into bed but didn’t turn on the heat – I thought, at first, that he must be very tired to make such an oversight – because surely he is not an entirely unintelligent man, despite being human – and he started rubbing his hands over my arms and neck. I suppose he was trying to warm me up, and doing it in possibly the least effective way possible. He soon seemed to tire of this – and, truly, I had tired of it as soon as he had started but lacked the energy to communicate it.

“What do you need?” he asked, after his efforts failed to rouse me.

“Bed-”

“You are in bed.” he said and I rolled my eyes, though he may not have noticed since I couldn’t do it very fast.

“Heat.” I continued.

He sighed in frustration and took off his uniform and laid down beside me to warm me up, so I will not complain about his intellectual capabilities. It would have been far simpler to turn on the bed heat, but I can’t deny that I appreciated this gesture. I waited a little longer than necessary before speaking, not knowing how long he would let me bask before chasing me out under threat of calling security.

“Why are you so violent, Benjamin?” I asked.

He lifted his head and drew away from me slightly.

“You would call me violent?”

“You shot me.” I said and slowly felt around my chest where he’d hit me with the phaser. It hurt.

“I stunned you, because you broke into my home, again.”

“Did you try to kill me?”

“No.”

“Feels like you did.”

“It was just setting 8, it’s a moderate intensity. It might injure a child or elderly person, but not you.”

“You are always so aggressive.”

“I told you not to come back.”

“I want…” I started, and tried to lift my hand to his face but I still felt very stiff. It took me long enough that he seemed to lose patience. “We can be good for each other.”

“I don’t like you, Dukat. You’re violent, egoistic.”

“You need me. Don’t deny it.”

“I don’t need you and I never will.”

“You do.” I said and sighed. “You need someone to look after you, so you don’t destroy yourself.”

“I already have someone.”

It was such an unpleasant thing to hear that my whole body jerked.

“What do you mean?”

“I have a partner already, Dukat. And I love her.”

“Who?” I asked, and thought about his file. “Not that Maquis woman, surely?”

“What Maquis woman?”

“Kasidy Yates, captain of the freighter Xhosa.”

“I’m sick of you inserting yourself in my private life, Dukat.” he snapped and rolled away even further.

“She’s Maquis.” I insisted, trying my best to be tolerant with him, even though he can be so slow.

“She’s not.”

“She’s a smuggler. Her runs are… infrequent, but I have evidence.”

“I have a hard time believing that you would just sit on this information rather than confiscate her ship and kill the crew.”

“I can’t fight the Klingons and Maquis at the same time.”

“Show me the evidence, then.” he said.

“Yes.” I said with a sigh. “I only wish… to help you.”

“No, you came here thinking that you could get a quick shag.”

I shook my head in disgust at the idea, and the choice of words.

“I want to help you. I am a generous man. Some say that I’m too generous… but I would do that for you, Benjamin. Even though you hurt me.”

“Dukat, you’re a vile, disrespectful man with no care for anything but your own ambitions. If you really want to help me you need to pass this information on through official channels. Instead you keep coming here, after I told you very clearly not to.”

I must admit it was extremely poor timing of my eyes to start thawing out at that moment, it must have looked like I was crying.

“This is all I want from you.” I said and pulled his arm tighter around me as I turned away from him – it would just confuse him if he saw my face. I don’t care what he calls me, he’s just a human, they don’t share our ideals, our culture. And how could they? We’re too good for them. “Surely you can’t call this violence?”

There were many things you could call two men lying together like we were at that moment, but violent wasn’t one of those.

He heaved a deep sigh.

“You seem alert enough. Get up and get dressed.”

He tried to tear his arm away from me but I held on to it tightly – my mind was clearly still addled from the cold and the phaser shot, I would never have acted so needy otherwise.

He pushed himself off from the bed with his one hand and tried to wrestle me for control over the other, but then, as he loomed over me, he suddenly stopped.

“Are you crying?”

“No.” I said, with a very calm and steady voice.

“These are tears.”

“Cardassians don’t cry. It’s just a reaction to the cold.”

I closed my eyes but I imagine he did his usual head-wiggle as he sighed.

“Are you going to leave on your own or am I going to have to call security?”

I gritted my teeth as I considered the options. I should never have allowed myself to get so compromised, but the situation being what it was, there was only one thing to do.

“No.” I said. “You shot me. It’s only fair that you turn off the lights and let me stay here until I’ve recovered.”

“That’s it, I’m calling-”

“No, you’re not. It would embarrass both of us and you will have to explain many things you would much rather keep secret. If you had been willing to do that you would have done it while I was unconscious.”

He was quiet for a while.

“Okay, fine. You can stay a while longer, but you need to get dressed first.”

“So you can stun me and be less embarrassed about security finding me here? No.”

“I think you’re forgetting who’s in charge of this station. If you want to be able to dock here in the future, you need to follow my rules.”

I discreetly wiped my cheeks and rolled over towards him to give him a smile.

“Oh, I know.” I said and showed him my teeth so he’d know I was sincere. Mostly. “But I’m afraid your threats leave a lot to be desired, Benjamin. I’m used to Cardassian discipline and your soft Federation touch means nothing to me.” I said, and stopped myself. “Why is it that you’re so violent in matters of… intimacy, and so pathetically pacifist in judicial and military matters?”

He remained silent.

“Is it because, deep down, you know that violence is the most effective remedy in a conflict, regardless of what your Federation dogma prescribes?”

His eyes grew large.

“Violence is a last resort.” he said.

“Is it?” I asked and cupped his cheek. “Is that why you’ve hit me and shot me as soon as I’ve stepped foot in your bedroom? Or is it because in here, with me, you feel safe from prying Federation eyes?”

“It was self defence.”

“Was it? I came only to share your bed. Surely even your precious laws don’t recognise that as violence.”

“Our laws say you can’t come into my home, or my bed, uninvited. They do recognise that as a form of violence.”

I scoffed – I thought he was joking. He narrowed his eyes at me.

“You’re serious?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I scoffed again.

“Well, then, give me permission! Isn’t that a much simpler solution to your problem?”

“I can’t.” he said. “You’ve already violated my… boundaries, and you’ve repeatedly shown that you don’t respect them. I can’t give you my permission because it means nothing to you whether you have it or not.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” I replied, and tried to figure out how he could have come to such an obviously illogical conclusion. Notice how my mind was still handicapped from the ordeal I’d just been through and still it was more reliable than his. “Why would I need your permission to offer myself to you? I come here to give you pleasure and help you relax, and in return I ask only for your warmth, which you produce anyway, nothing more. I am not taking anything from you, nor am I hurting you.”

“On this station you need to follow our rules. And the rules say that you can’t come here unless I invite you.”

“But you enjoyed our nights together!”

I was incensed. He had the decency to look away.

“Whether I did or not is not the point. You have to wait for an invitation. Or ask for my permission.” he said, then looked at me again, and now there was some renewed determination that I would have found attractive if it hadn’t been for the insipid topic. “And you have to ask before you enter my quarters.”

I clicked my tongue.

“And this will make you happy?” I asked. “Making a bureaucratic exercise out of a bond that transcends such things? Very well. As irritating and useless as this rule is, I suppose it will not kill me to follow it, as long as no one else gets hold of the paperwork.” I said and rolled over on my back. It was such a pointless thing to concede to, but I know well that a tactical retreat is sometimes necessary to win a strategic victory.

“Paperwork?”

“I assume there’s a standard Federation form I need to fill out every time I wish to visit you?”

He scoffed.

“If you’d prefer to do it in writing I’m sure I can accommodate that, but for now, I’d prefer if you wait until I invite you.” he said and then his voice dropped: “Actually, it’s not just a preference, it’s a rule you need to follow.”

“Fine.” I replied, with some annoyance.

“Huh.”

“What?” I hissed.

“Are you really going to stop coming here uninvited?”

“That’s what I just said!”

“I… huh.”

“What?”

“Do you see how we managed to solve this conflict without violence, in the end?”

“You shot me.”

“Yes, but it was the talking that made you change your mind.”

“The talking that was preceded by violence.”

“Was it really the phaser that finally made you agree with me?”

“No.” I spat out. There was such an obvious undertone of glee in his words that I took offence. “It takes more than that to subdue me.”

“Then why are you so convinced that violence is the more effective way to resolve our problems?”

I looked at him sceptically. He seemed happier than usual. No doubt he liked making me follow meaningless rules, like I was beneath him. I would have to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

“Isn’t it obvious? The core of any conflict is a perceived threat.” I said and held up my fingers to demonstrate. “I say perceived because you perceive a threat from me that isn’t real. But it doesn’t matter, it still leads to conflict. And the most effective, most fundamental way to resolve any conflict is violence, or threat of violence. The involved parties measure their strengths against each other, and often one admits defeat simply by observing that the other party is stronger. Sometimes one manages to deceive the other that they have the superior strength. But the basis of that analysis is always a calculation of violence.”

“Those are not the only options.”

“But they are the most effective, because they draw on base instincts in every living thing. Yes, you Federation people like to talk about intercultural understanding and other such vapid things, but you can only afford to do so because you possess technologically advanced military power.”

“Really.” he said, dryly. “Then why is it that violence doesn’t work half as well on you as talking does?”

“Benjamin.” I said and sighed. It was as if he hadn’t learnt anything from the years we’d known each other. “I’m Cardassian. Your sweet little threats mean nothing to me. You have no idea what it would take to make me cower.”

He smiled and scooted a little closer, and I was happy that I had managed to catch his interest again. All this talk about how terrible I am for him all the time isn’t good for me, or, indeed, for us.

“Tell me.”

I smiled and anticipated that he’d be very impressed.

“Did you learn anything else about the Cardassian mind-training programs since last we spoke about them?”

“Not really, no.”

I laughed.

“Well this will interest you then, I expect. In my youth, I was much more timid than my older brothers, prone to rumination. My father, who was a very wise man, successfully helped me grow out of that. He used a combination of neurostimulation, psychotropics and regular choking so I could get used to and overcome the fear of death and pain, and remain calm even under intense fear. Oh, I dreaded it the first few months, but just before I passed out I always experienced a moment of pure clarity. I knew that I was going to die, and I knew exactly how much my life was worth.”

Benjamin lay perfectly still and stared at me with bulging eyes. He didn’t seem as impressed as I had expected. I frowned.

“That would have broken anyone.” he said, softly.

“Well it didn’t break me, and that’s exactly the point. My father taught me that I can endure such things, and culled my fear. I can’t be intimidated by violence or threats of pain. And I certainly can’t be moved by whatever you peace-loving humans would be willing to do. Not even the Maquis could do more than amuse me.”

He shook his head, and it almost seemed like he was distressed. I was bemused.

“I’m… sorry.” he said, finally.

“What for? It was a gift – one which he gave me out of love, and one I appreciate.”

He shook his head again.

“How old were you?”

“About five when we started, and seven when we were done. I quickly surpassed my brothers thanks to the training, because I had learnt what I was capable of and had a very accurate sense of my own worth.”

His sigh blew a lungful of air straight in my face and I recoiled from the smell.

“I’m sorry for you.” he said again.

“Why?”

He shook his head again and looked away from me.

“Because we would consider that extremely abusive. I can’t… I can’t imagine torturing a child, or to choke them until they pass out… It’s horrifying.”

“It horrifies you? Even though I’m a better man for it? Even though I didn’t suffer any harm?”

“Yes! And I’m not so sure you didn’t suffer any harm. You said you dreaded it.”

“At first, yes. The whole point was to push my limits.”

He looked out the window for a while.

“Would you put your children through that?”

I frowned.

“Ziyal already knows what she is capable of enduring. She doesn’t need to be taught.”

“And your other children?”

I don’t like talking about my estranged family. They were well in their rights to leave me, of course, but I can’t help but feel… a little betrayed. Yes, I knew full well what I was doing when I had Ziyal, but I can hardly be blamed for falling in love with Naprem, can I? Her beauty and charm was like an oasis to me at a time when my every day involved so much brutality, so much violence. She gave me hope that I could make the Bajorans – all Bajorans – see reason, and put an end to their obstinate resistance.

I still hope that with time, as their shock subsides, that my children will forgive my… misstep. That they will return to me.

I cleared my throat.

“I’ve always been conscious of their needs, but it hasn’t been easy to serve them when I’ve barely been on Cardassia. I wouldn’t have risked their lives by bringing them with me to Terok Nor when it was under constant threat from the Bajorans, and… my oldest children have done well for themselves despite my absence. And my youngest… well, it’s incumbent on their mother to educate them now.”

“But if they were living with you… you would do things like that to them?”

I suppose he was trying to judge me by Federation moral principles again. It’s tiresome when he does that.

“I’m happy to say that none of them have had the same problem I had when I was a boy, so no. It would just take time from other important things.”

After an uncomfortable silence he sat up.

“Are you, uh, feeling any better?”

I appreciated that he had chosen to be polite instead of just ordering me to get out, like last time, so I pushed myself up on my elbows and looked over at my clothes that were still scattered on the floor.

“Yes.” I sighed, and swung my legs over the side. “I’m sorry to leave you with such bad news. I will send the data to you once I get back to my ship.”

“What data?”

He stopped awkwardly at the foot of the bed and I frowned at him.

“About your Maquis lover, Kasidy Yates?”

He gave me a pained expression and then hid his face in his hands.

“Shit!” he swore under his breath.

I walked over to him and he turned his back towards me so I could embrace him from behind, though he was remarkably tense all of a sudden.

I spoke softly by his ear.

“I know a little bit about what it’s like to be betrayed. There is nothing worse. Call me, if you need me.”

“Just… send me the data. I will look into it.” he said and tore himself away from me, no doubt ashamed of his poor judgement. I won’t deny that it gives me some pleasure to see him humbled, but since I want him to trust me I chose not to rub his nose in it.

“Benjamin,” I said and caressed his cheek before I left, “you aren’t the first man to be tricked by a woman’s charm. Don’t let it destroy you; just deal with her and move on.”

Chapter Text

Personal log, Dukat, SG

It. has been. SEVEN. FUCKING. WEEKS since I last saw Benjamin! He hasn’t invited me even once, and I have even degraded myself enough to ask for pErMissIoN to visit him and he DECLINED.

The ONE time he reached out it was only to ask for more information about that Maquis woman of his – as if I hadn’t already been overly generous and shared all of it!

I need to do something about him. He needs to understand that he can’t treat me this way.

I should have realised what he was doing when he made me agree to wait until he was ready. He never intended to invite me, it was all just a trick. A joke at my expense. He’s sitting in his quarters right now, laughing about how gullible I am – well, he doesn’t know me very well at all if he thinks he will get away with it.

Who’s to stop me from taking him to my ship, gagging him and keeping him tied to my bed? Well, except nature, I suppose. Those warmbloods eat such a mind-boggling amount of food and they shit proportionately to their intake – keeping him chained to my bed would turn into a disaster after mere hours. Certainly not long enough to make it more gruelling for him than for me.

He should have been grateful for everything I’ve offered him – I could have helped him reach heights he can’t even conceive of, but he has no appreciation of my advice, he has no gratitude for what I’ve already done for him and what I have repeatedly offered to do.

He treats me with disrespect and expects me to ignore it? No, that’s not how this works, and he needs to be taught a lesson. I will spend some time to think of a fitting punishment.

Personal log, Dukat, SG

Benjamin has contacted me. finally. It was about that damn woman of his. Again. He seems quite distraught by her betrayal, and it surprises me that it took him this long to accept the facts. I gave him that evidence two months ago, how could it possibly have taken him this long to verify it?

No matter. I can tell that he’s upset, as anyone would be to find out that their mistress is secretly plotting against them. And not just plotting, providing significant aid to terrorists! I would have expected him to be more grateful to me, since we’ve worked together to keep the demilitarised zone safe.

Anyway, he has suggested that maybe we should talk next time I visit the station. I confess that now that it’s already been weeks, my desire has waned somewhat and been replaced by resentment. Perhaps this was a mere temporary madness. Perhaps the spores that incited this whole affair had a long-lasting effect on me that I have now managed to shake off.

At least I still have Ziyal, my treasured daughter. It will be good for me to see her again, regardless how things turn out with Benjamin.

Chapter Text

Most people would probably say that I love too much for my own good, and that I am too generous to my daughter. Such people fail to understand what it truly means to love someone. Is there anything I wouldn’t do for Ziyal? No, I would go to great lengths to make her happy.

Take today as an example: Ziyal told me she had plans with Jake, and that she didn’t want me to interfere. When I responded that I would respect her wishes and keep a discreet eye on her, she took my hand and was silent for a moment.

“Father, I think it would be best if you left this for me to deal with, alone.”

“Nonsense, it’s no trouble at all. You are all I have, Ziyal.”

“I know you would never let anything bad happen to me, father, but…”

“But?”

“You can be very intimidating to people sometimes.”

“As I should be!”

“Yes, but I want to know how Jake would treat me without… fearing what you would do to him. If he’s worth knowing, I’ll have to know what he’s like when he’s not trying to impress you.”

I was taken aback by this.

“I suppose… there is some merit to what you are saying. But let me accompany you – discreetly – this time, since I’m here any-” I started, but she interrupted me!

“Father, I love you, but you must let me learn to fend for myself in this world. If anything happens, I will call you. I promise.”

“Well.” I said and felt quite at a loss. None of my other children have ever requested my absence this way – I still feel like she ought to appreciate my presence in her life more, but perhaps it is her Bajoran heritage. They do not have as strong familial bonds as we do. “Tell me where you will be going, and I will stay away from there.” I said.

She smiled then, and made me promise to stay off the entire promenade. I can only shake my head at how easily persuaded I was. But her beautiful face expressed such joy as I gave her my promise that it made it all worthwhile.

Well, one person’s loss is another’s gain; seeing as my daughter would be keeping Jake Sisko company, I assumed Benjamin would be alone for the evening. Since he had indicated that he needed to speak to me after his shift, I made my way to his quarters to wait there. He hadn’t changed his code since last time I was on the station, when I had asked for his permission to visit and been denied, so instead of wasting time waiting for the code breaker to finish I could just enter.

I took off my chest armour and made myself comfortable on his couch with a glass of replicated kanar. It had been a long time since I last sat in his quarters and just looked at the way he’s chosen to decorate them, though I can’t say it was an enjoyable experience; it felt more like intelligence gathering than a pleasant sensory exercise.

Why did the man have so many cooking appliances on display? Did he actually use them often enough to warrant their constant presence? He had a number of ancient-looking artefacts, which were surely only decorative, and I was reminded of my earlier plans to gift him something of the kind. It was a good idea; I have no doubt it would placate him. Something Bajoran – he seemed to collect those.

He came back much earlier than I had expected, and after the door closed he spun around, made a few hopping steps from side to side and seemed generally jubilant.

“Computer, musi-” he said and stopped himself as he saw me and yelped.

I smiled widely at him.

“Unrecognised command. Please repeat.” the computer said.

“I assume you heard the news?” he said, with his smile faded.

“Which news?” I asked. Ziyal and Jake were not exactly ‘news’, and if this was about the long-drawn trial of that Maquis captain of his I hoped to hear that she’d been executed, finally.

“You don’t know?” he said and started grinning, which irritated me. I hate being kept out of the loop, as if I were some common soldier who didn’t need to know. He approached me, and I glared at him. “Oh come now, Dukat, I thought you would be the first to celebrate!”

“I might have been if I knew what you were referring to.”

He knelt down on the couch next to me and smiled.

“I’m not the Emissary! Ha!”

I couldn’t help but smile back at him while I tried to process this. Why would I want to celebrate this? What had he done? Had the Bajorans finally rejected him? Had he resigned? Could one even resign from such a position?

He suddenly dove at me and I recoiled in reflex before I realised he meant to kiss me.

“What’s wrong, Dukat? I thought you’d be happy.” he said and laughed. “Or can’t you manage it because you see that it’s made me happy?”

“I must confess that I am confused.” I said, slowly.

He tried to kiss me again and this time I let him, but didn’t return his affection. I was still trying to figure out what was going on.

He leaned back and gave me a quirky smile.

“You don’t seem like yourself.” he said. “Are you no longer interested now that I’m not the Emissary? Was this all it took?”

“It would help if you explained what this is. What happened, Benjamin?”

“The prophets have sent another, or should I say, the original emissary to us. I have given him my support and he will take over the position and its responsibilities.” he said and threw himself down next to me. “I feel like I’m on vacation for the first time in years.”

“I see.” I said, carefully. It made little sense to me that he would willingly give up such power, but he did seem much more relaxed. I bent over and placed a kiss on his smooth forehead. “And you don’t foresee this vacation ending any time soon?”

“No, I’m done. It was always too complicated managing my duties to Starfleet while being the Emissary, those two roles don’t go well together. I didn’t realise just what a heavy burden it was, but now that I’m free, I feel so light!” he said, got up and started dancing.

I watched him with a smile and reached for my glass. While I didn’t recognise the figures he made, I could appreciate the smoothness of his movement, the way his hips rolled, and the way he radiated joy. The ridiculous uniform ruined the impression, and I leaned back and wondered if he’d take it off if I asked nicely, or if I’d have to remove it myself.

He gestured for me to get up, but I enjoyed the picture of us like this too much to indulge him at that point; here was the man the Bajorans considered the holiest of all, entertaining me with a private dance in my old quarters.

When he stopped on his own accord, I motioned for him to come closer and put down my glass before pulling him down into my lap. He straddled me, then pinned me with his weight and I reached to unzip his uniform. He stopped me.

“No, not here, not now.”

“Are you expecting someone?”

He wiggled his head.

“Jake could come home…” he said and sighed, and I snorted.

“He’s with Ziyal. We have time.” I said and reached for the zipper.

“He can come and go as he pleases, and I don’t want this to be the first thing he sees when he comes through the door if he comes back early.”

I rolled my eyes. If that truly was such a concern for him he should have kept better control of his wayward son. I didn’t want to argue with him, but I do find it perverse that they are so tolerant of degenerate sexual acts but he couldn’t permit himself to have sex if there was even a possibility that his son might see him. It is a wonder that humans manage to procreate at all. But, I had no wish for anyone to see me with Benjamin, so I let it slide, and just growled to show my displeasure before I got distracted by his soft and inviting hips.

“What do you propose we do instead?” I asked and dug my fingers into the ample flesh.

“I’m in the mood to dance.” he said and grinned widely.

I ordered the computer to play “Five Dances” by Gilora Pranell, and we rose. As the music started, I took him in my arms and asked him to follow my lead. He had rhythm, but I had to coach him through the steps and count them for him. On the second dance he had grasped the basics and we could at least go back and forth.

Since the pace quickened for each dance we didn’t exchange many words – he was not used to this form and I didn’t want to distract him. Of course, he didn’t know that the third dance would be even quicker. I tried to finish the second dance by spinning him but he was evidently not used to this and when he finally understood what I wanted him to do he did not know how to do it. No matter.

When the next one started, he lit up once he realised how quick the tempo was. Every one of these dances expressed a different kind of joy; I thought them quite fitting for this occasion. He tore off his uniform jacket, I tightened my hold on him and led him through the dance, and he laughed as he stumbled a few times, and I got the satisfaction of catching him and guiding him. It made me very happy.

We said nothing more to each other before the final dance was over; we were both panting – he more than I, of course. His gray shirt was warm and damp under my fingers and still I was reluctant to let him go to get a glass of water from the replicator. On his back, the shirt had taken on a much darker gray.

“I had no idea you danced.” he said, after satisfying his thirst. I scowled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He arched an eyebrow at me.

“Was I supposed to know?” he asked.

I scoffed. I wasn’t sure whether he was feigning ignorance or if he truly knew so little about me. I assume that he’s read a summary of my background at the very least, where my family’s status would no doubt have been mentioned. It was scarcely an unimportant fact. No, he was probably trying to rile me up again. He did it so well.

I waited until he set down his glass before I lunged at him, and caught a glimpse of his shocked expression before I knocked him over my shoulder and lifted him up. He groaned and grunted, but I ignored his protestations until I could set him down on his bed. He was heavy.

I licked my lips and took off my belt.

“What’s so bad about me not knowing that you can dance, Dukat?”

“Skrain.”

He sighed and held up a hand when I leaned over him to kiss him. I growled.

“It’s an honest question, Dukat. Just answer it.”

I could almost feel the pulse beating in my eyes; I was so insulted I forgot to even blink.

“Take off your clothes.” I ordered him, and when he opened his mouth to say something I interrupted him with a gesture. “I will tell you, afterwards.”

“You are in a bad mood today.” he said with a grin and took off his shirt. “It’s almost like…” he said and pretended to think, while looking insufferably smug all the while, “you didn’t mean a word you said about me needing to relax. Now that I am relaxed and happy, you are annoyed.”

I growled and tore off my own clothes while trying to wipe that grin off his face with a stare. It somehow wasn’t working on him.

“That has nothing to do with my mood. You know that.”

“I think…” he said and laid down on the bed, “that you’ve built a whole case based on me needing you to help me wind down. And now it’s clear that I don’t. And that make-”

I threw myself over him and held his head down onto the pillow as I stared deep into his eyes.

“Your mockery is dangerously close to crossing the line, Benjamin.” I growled, and kissed him to shut him up. When I pulled back he still looked smug, and I felt my eye twitch. I pressed my hips hard into his, he wasn’t struggling at all and yet I couldn’t hold back. I needed to flatten him into the mattress.

He was making me look stupid by forcing me to defend my honour and then declining to respond. I hated it. I hated his smugness. He had the capacity to be sincere and passionate, but he was withholding it on purpose. The question was what he hoped to gain from this.

I tried to calm down. It would not do to appear as if I wanted him more than he wanted me. I smelled his neck – damp from the dancing, but nicely scented with some perfume. I took a deep breath. Yes. This was an act, and he did want me. I kissed him from his ear down to his shoulder, while tightening my hold on him with my legs.

He was so warm. It has a very calming effect on me, the warmblood heat. The way his body moves, how I could spread myself out over him and feel the heat come off him, his soft flesh that I could just grab – no scales to protect him, just smooth skin. It was impossible to stay irritated, I thought.

“You seem… tense.” he said and I could hear the stupid grin on his face. I froze. “Do you need me to help youm refmnmgh-”

I put my hand over his mouth and hissed.

“Not another word from you.” I warned him. His eyes were smiling at me.

“Ohm mwad?” he mumbled into my hand. I turned my face towards the ceiling with my eyes closed. “youm kim me?” he continued. It was absolutely ridiculous. Impossible to deal with. Undignified. Off-putting, even.

How was I supposed to teach him a lesson – how had I thought I could make him respect me when this was the level he was willing to stoop to, just to spite me? The proverb “the one who tries to teach an idiot ends up looking the fool” came to mind.

I took a few deep breaths and reached for the lube in the night stand, and drew up one of his legs so he was lying on his side. I wasn’t too particular about where the lube ended up, I just wanted to get this part over with before he started talking again, and then I pressed my hard cock up between his cheeks and glowered at him.

Before I could pull back he reached out to ruffle my hair, and it lost most of its cohesion and ended up hanging around my face. I growled and pushed into him, despite the rather strong resistance from his tight asshole.

“Why so tense?” he goaded me and chuckled to himself.

I jerked my head and tried to fling my hair back, but it fell forward again and I started thrusting into him. He wasn’t ready and his eyes widened in surprise and he drew in sharp gasp, but unfortunately quickly recovered.

I leaned over him and stared into his brown eyes.

“You act like you don’t know who I am.” I slowly hissed.

His smile returned.

“You want to hold one of your monologues, don't you? Well, we don’t have time for it. Let’s get this over with before Jake returns.”

“Did you lose your sense of self-preservation together with your role as emissary?” I asked out loud, though I hadn’t meant to; I had just been thinking that it was the only reasonable explanation for his continued rudeness. “A year ago you wouldn’t have dared to insinuate that I lost my skills just because I lost my family.”

“A year ago I still wouldn’t have cared about your family, but I haven’t insinuated anything about your skills. On the contrary, I think I have been quite – ugh – explicit with my statements.”

I grit my teeth and pounded him as hard as I could – I loved the sound his cheeks made as I thrust into him, but it wasn’t as pleasing as it should have been. I’ve often thought it would be better if he would smile more, but I could find no pleasure in his mocking grin. I leaned forward over him, tried to find comfort in his warm and soft chest, and that worked for a while. He ran a hand through my hair. I thought it might be enough for me.

He had to ruin it all with a tight grip on my hair, turning my face towards him so I had to watch as he heckled me.

“You act like a man who’s got something to prove. If there’s something you want to tell me, just tell me.”

I jerked my head away and he released me. It was an exceedingly irritating situation. I swept my hair out of my eyes but it fell back in my face almost immediately.

“Have you noticed that your hair has migrated to places it shouldn’t be?” I hissed. “You really should get that looked at.”

He laughed, and I pulled away in disgust.

“That’s what’s been bothering you?”

I made a grimace to show him how stupid that question was and then rolled my legs over the edge of the bed and sat up.

“It’s never bothered you before.” he said.

I sighed.

“It doesn’t bother me. It was friendly advice, nothing more.”

“And your bad mood?”

He wasn’t laughing anymore.

It was difficult to accept that he had ended up commanding this station without making any effort to learn about its past. Indeed, it’s even more difficult to accept that he had done no reading at all about my background. He is a man of paradoxes; I had assumed that since he cares so deeply about things of little importance, that he would care all the more about the things that mattered in this sector. Perhaps that’s why he has not broken under the stress yet. Or perhaps the Federation were more skilled at deception than I thought, and this situation was more tenuous for them than they let on.

He had said that his superiors weren’t pleased about his role as a religious figure, and now he was happy that he no longer held that role. I struggle to make sense of it. I can sympathise with not wanting to deal with the Bajoran religion, but the power he held made that relationship with them so much easier than it had ever been for me. Part of me wished to see him crash and burn like he deserved for being so impulsive, but I had the presence of mind to realise that I would not derive much satisfaction from it happening this way – far better to be his ally. Far better to take him down when he least expected it, when I could actually make him feel the terrifying hopelessness he deserved.

If only he could treat me with respect this relationship needn’t have been so difficult.

“Dukat?”

He sat next to me, and I swatted his arm away as he tried to put it around my shoulder.

“I’m not in the mood.”

As soon as I said it I realised with horror that I sounded like my wife.

He had truly made me into his woman.

And without his religious role, he was just a man. A man who’d had strong influence over Bajor and found it worthless.

I shuddered, and heard his mouth open. He’d keep nagging me until I spelled everything out to him, my feelings, my life, everything. Desperate to avoid a situation where he angered me so much I’d choke him to death, I launched a pre-emptive strike.

“This man, this “original emissary”, who is he? Where did he come from?”

“His name is Akorem Laan, he was a poet who disappeared into the wormhole three centuries ago.”

I scoffed and scratched my temples. My hair was messy and I disliked being in this situation.

“Sure he is. Good with words, is he? Charismatic, even? And three centuries behind the times.”

“It’s not all bad, I’m sure he can provide context to a lot of history that the Bajorans lost during the occupation. A window into a forgotten past.”

“Are you really this naïve? Do you think this man will sit idly by, content to be a window?”

“No-”

“Do think the Bajorans – already a stubbornly backwards people – won’t rush head-first into some regnar-brained scheme of his that will end up weakening their position even further?”

“It’s not up to us to decide-”

“He has no understanding of the political system he’s become a part of. Do you think they’re better off with him than with you?”

He took my arm in a tight grip.

“It’s not our business, Dukat. It surprises me that you care so much about the Bajorans – in fact, I suspect you are worried that they will become too powerful and start making demands you can’t dismiss any longer.”

“I have a Bajoran daughter!” I hissed. “This man, this relic, he will undoubtedly appeal to the worst parts of their nature. Their childish longing for simpler times and independence.”

“I think, if those are the worst traits you can come up with, they’ll do alright for themselves.”

“Ah, yes. Of course. Their “Bajor alone” policy will certainly serve them once the Dominion have shattered every alliance in the quadrant. When we have fended off the Klingons and they search for easier prey, what will happen to Bajor? When we seek to recoup our losses and rebuild our fleets, will we not look to the neighbour whose mineral deposits we have already charted? The planet that is now alone, so far away from any substantial support?”

“What makes you so sure you’ll succeed this time?” he said, darkly, as if he thought I’d share some strategic secret with him.

“Because-” I started, absolutely exasperated. “what made them so easy to conquer in the first place?”

“You didn’t manage to conquer them at all.”

“It was their blind faith in the protection of their gods, their pride making them think they didn’t need a military to defend themselves, and their subservient nature. The occupation hardened them, made them see how wrong they were – but this man, he will tell them that it was all better 300 years ago. He will speak to them with eloquence and use his newfound authority to blame whatever new ideas he doesn’t understand for any failures of the recent past. I know their kind, Benjamin. They aren’t pragmatic and forward-looking like you.”

In the silence that followed I put on my clothes and cast around for a mirror and found none. Benjamin rose and stared out the window, no trace of mirth remaining. I supposed that was progress.

“It’s their right to make those decisions for themselves. I won’t interfere.” he said, slowly.

He put a leg up on the edge of the window and my eyes were drawn to his free-hanging genitals. I regretted that I had put my clothes on in that moment – every part of him seemed so grabbable, from his ankles to his neck. I walked over and put my nose in the crook of his neck, let my fingers glide over the vaguely convex shape of his breasts.

“You should interfere.”

“Wouldn’t you rather conquer Bajor?” he asked, sceptically.

I chuckled.

“I was a different man twenty years ago, Benjamin. The occupation gave me a… thorough lesson in the complexities of managing a military project under civilian supervision. It’s not an experience I care to repeat.”

He tapped a finger to his forehead.

“Ah, so you’re saying if central command had the power to carry this out on their own… you would?”

“No. I wouldn’t want my daughter to witness it. That won’t stop some ambitious legate, however.”

“Do you have the name of this legate?”

“I could give you a list of names, but it would make no difference since you won’t stop the Bajorans from throwing themselves into the jaws of the Cardassian war machine.”

He clicked his tongue.

“What does major Kira think about this?” I asked.

“She approves.”

I hummed in surprise. I thought she liked him. Perhaps she is scheming against him out of old habit. He tore himself free of my embrace.

“I should get dressed and uh, get back to work.”

“I thought your shift was over?”

“Well, there’s always work to be done.”

His ass extended temptingly in my direction as he bent over to pick up his discarded uniform, but I found it easy to resist.

“Would you like me to replicate a hair brush for you?” he asked, suddenly.

My hand flew to my head before I could control myself. I really did look terrible, and I couldn’t exactly waltz back to my ship during station daytime looking like this. I used his bathroom mirror, cognisant that his son might return and find me there unless I was quick, and afterwards he said he’d keep it in the night stand, in case I need it again in the future.

I… I just nodded, when he said that. But it was the first time, I think, that he didn’t tell me to stay away. It was the first time he had admitted that he wanted me to come back. I have to fix his nonchalant attitude towards the Bajorans, before they send him back to Earth, or worse, kill him.