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Chapter Text

Gerri is back in one of the GoJo cars after having ended her third out of office meeting of the day. Even thought Lucas had effectively taking over the old Waystar build a lot of the new GoJo department had been set up all over the city. The plan is that most of them will eventually make their way to the main building but, since Logan hadn’t invested in modern or even high speed servers the last 5-10 years the building simply couldn’t house the high tech part of GoJo just yet.

Lukas was contentedly making jokes or remarks about how he had no earthly idea how they had been able to run the company efficiently before he came along, only to turn around with a smug smile and an arrogant “Right, you didn’t”before he continued whatever they had been talking about before. Since Gerri (and Jenny) is the only ones that made the transition from Royco to GoJo, at a top executive level, she is the only one he can make those remarks to. In the beginning she had use it to get a better understanding of what GoJo had that Royco lacked as well as a clearer picture of what legal knowledge she might need to brush up on, but now 6 mounts after she has switched captains, it’s getting a little old and frankly a little rude. 

A few days prier it had finally gotten to Gerri in a way where it crawled under her skin and set up camp in the part of her stomach where she normally carries her guilt. She kept telling herself that she had no reason to feel guilty, but she couldn’t shake it of. So when he once again made a comment the floodgates busted open and she told him in her most stern voice just how incredibly obnoxious he was being. He looked shocked by her outburst at first, but had then apologized irrefutable for his unprofessionalism, siting that he still wasn’t use to how impersonal Americans are at work. Making the floodgates burst even wider for Gerri, but this time it was not anger or guilt that made its way through. Instead she started laughing uncontrollably, because while Americans as a whole didn’t share Norwegians sarcastic and joking approach to their work, claiming that she personally or her previous employment had been impersonal is in and of itself a ridiculous joke. She had after all spend more time on weekend getaways with the Roys then her own family, and most holidays the twins had been dragged away to some Roy estate instead of staying at home or visiting they biological family, not to say anything of the fact that she had slept with the boss’s son and is currently still sort of dating him. Her and Roman hadn’t really talked about what they are doing or what they should call each other, both of them recognizing the elephant in the room but had in silent agreement chosen to ignore it for now. Lucas stood still staring at her before he laughed along apparently understanding why she found it so funny.

“Okay maybe it doesn’t really apply to you, but I am sorry that I overstepped”

“No, it’s fine really. I think I just… I don’t know”

“Still haven’t let go of the Roys?”

“I’m getting there”

“Sure you are – how did Roman like the opera the other night by the way?”

“Oh so that’s how it going to be now?” 

“Absolutely – I got you the tickets, I get to ask”

“Well if you must know… he hated it. Pure and simple… well almost”

“Almost? Gerri, do I need to call Claudia down in PR?”

“Oh stop that now. It’s nothing like that, but there was a specific part that seemed to captivate him”

“Let me guess – the flower duet?”

“How did you…?”

“Roman’s like me… To much energy for one body, can’t sit still, we’re just this ball of energy bouncing of the walls, until we hit something that hits back, and then we’re locked into a weird punching match or we hit nothing and disappear into the stratosphere, never to be seen again. But every now and then something comes along that without hitting back can hold us captive because it’s simply too alluring to be ignored”

“So you’ve seen Lakmé?”

“God no but I know that piece of music and I know a little bit about it. It’s designed to be tranquil and idyllic so that even minds like mine and Roman’s can’t help but give into it”

“That’s very insightful”

“No actually it’s very expensive self knowledge”

He laughs as he turns around to walk back towards his desk. While Lukas is nowhere near as secretive about his private life as Logan is, Gerri is still getting to know him and in this moment she feels that he has not only given her a little hint of advise of how to understand Roman, but also shown who he is outside the unstoppable tech guru. She gives him a sweet smile before turning and walking towards the door, she stops and turns her head back to look at him”

“I think, it was money well spend”

“I could say the same for the money I spend on you”

His big smile quickly disappears as he hears his own words out loud, while Gerri raises an eyebrow at him. 

“That’s not wh… it came out wrong….”

“Yeah please don’t ever say anything like that again”

“ I wont… sorry”

They smile at each other one final time before Gerri turns and leaves his office. She can’t help but think about the fact that both Lucas and Roman have now said that they are the same.  While Gerri will agree that there are certain similarities; some of which are easy to see like their wealth and privilege lifestyles, their inability to stay serious or even focus for a longer period of time to name a few. Then there are the sides that are mostly based on rumors that are seemingly founded on few factual events, most of them having to do with their sexual deviations. Gerri knows that a lot of the rumors surrounding Roman have a least some merit of truth to them, after all slime puppy still makes his breathing shallow and his pupils dilate, the few times she has called him that in the last 6 mounts. She’ still figuring out the level of truth to all the rumors about Lucas – both those of a sexual nature and the many many others that she has already encountered. But then there’s the sides of them that apparently everyone to a certain degree know about, but will only acknowledge under pressure, like the fact that they both have a fairly good business sense, even if Roman’s got disregarded in favor of his siblings careers and the ongoing fight to be Logan’s go-to child. But more than that Gerri is starting to see that Lucas, like Roman has a soft and sweet side. A side that desperately needs someone to recognize and praise it – silently and privately of course, because they also share an uncontrollable need to be view as a no bullshit, no fucking around, the sky is the limit kind of man’s man. Something that Gerri would find funny if it wasn’t so fucking sad and just really incredibly exhausting to be around. However as she walks towards her new office, she thinks that maybe their similarities is something she can use – both ways.

----

When she gets back to her office, she pulls out her phone. She knows that Roman will like that Lukas thinks that Americans are impersonal in their work life, but more than that he will love that Lucas knows about them, that Gerri is speaking about him and her openly with someone else. Because while Roman says, he’s okay with the level of secrecy their relationship have always had, she knows that, that little sweet part of him wishes that it could be different. Well he more than wishes it, as it has been a part of every fight they have had since she switched jobs. She starts texting him, but thinks better of it, knowing that the banter between them always works better directly, besides she hasn’t hear his voice since he dropped her of two nights ago after the opera. It rings a few times before going to voicemail. Normally she would leave it at that, but she wants to hear his voice and his laugh. So she calls again, but the same thing happens. She sits back and waits, usually if he’s stuck in a meeting he will texted her so. But five minutes go by and nothing. So she figures that whatever he’s been pulled into, he can’t simply answer her right now. She goes back to work, but only 20 minutes later she picks up her phone again and tries calling him one more time – voicemail again. She’s starting to get annoyed, this is after all the guy that answered her midnight email even though it was barely dawn where he was. Plus the last six mounts they had been in almost constant communication – sometimes up to five calls a day, even though they had no real reason to reach out, and an unnumbered amount of texts that seemed to be growing by the week. She is about to write him when Jenny comes barreling through the door, rushing to find the remote for the television on her office wall. As always it’s on CNBC and the last time Gerri looked at it, it had been the usual four people around a table taking about stock and why people would buy or sell one over the other, but just before Jenny starts flipping though the channels, Gerri sees that there is only one person on the screen an the words breaking news are written in big red letters at the bottom. 

“Shit, you have heard? How would you, I just heard, it’s my job to fucking keep you in the loop, fuck I should have been paying more attention to all of this, but I don’t even know, how I could have done that, it just happened, or maybe it didn’t, I mean we know them, they could have been holding off on saying anything right? Fuck I don’t even know what to think anymore about this and it just happened. It just happened – right?”

“Jenny, slow down. What just happened?”

Jenny finally stops at the channel that she has been searching after: PGM. Because it the only channel anyone around here uses but also it’s the only one Gerri has ever trusted, and Jenny knows this. Before Jenny gets the sound turned up it’s clear to Gerri that this is not the kind of breaking news they’re equipped to handle, something like stocks going up and down because of a presidents mood or some random thing happening to a company, at the same time it’s not something so big that the world as a whole has come to a collective stand still. But Gerri’s world stops moving as soon as she see the letters running across the screen, they move almost too fast for her to comprehend them in one reading but at the same time too slow for this to be real to her.

LOGAN ROY DIES AT 82 LOGAN ROY DIES AT 82 LOGAN ROY DIES AT 82 LOGAN ROY LOGAN ROY DIES AT 82 LOGAN ROY DIES AT 82

Jenny finally gets the sound on. Melvin Guthrie, one of PGM’s longest employed news anchors; by default one of the most trusted in the country, is sitting with a solemn expression on his face as he tells America the story of Logan Roy.

“At 28, Logan Roy had five companies under his belt while building a news operate, no small thing for an Irish boy entering America under less th…”

“Is it confirmed?”

“I – I don’t know?”

“What’s ATN reporting?”

Jenny starts punching the buttons on the remote trying to find ATN.

“Four”

Gerri isn’t even really present in her body as she tells Jenny which button to push, she doesn’t actually need ATN to confirm it, because while the world might not stand still for Logan Roy, everything around her has chanced in a second.

She knew this day was coming, but like so many others that had spend a considerable amount of time in Logan’s presents it’s hard to fathom that he is no longer here. There’s just something utterly wrong about the mere motion that she will never hear his voice, his grunts or even his laughter again. However scarce they were, she remembers them clearly – both the wicked once and those of pure joy. But she can’t allow herself a second to be devastated for her own loss; too many things have to happen all at once. Especially when she sees that ATN are also breaking the news. She focuses her attention back on the television and Jenny, trying to comprehend what they’re saying, but her mind is having a hard time simply understanding the words that are spilling out from the screen.

“What are they saying happened?”

“They’re not really saying anything other then he was on a plane from New York to LA. Why would he be going to LA?”

”Really Jenny?”

“I’m just saying what business does he have in LA?”

“Plenty – the film studio is under ATN”

“Oh… Shit how did I not know that?”

 “Jenny, please keep focus”

“But that’s all they’re saying”

“Okay, call Frank, Karolina and Karl… in that order”

“Gerri… We’re not a part of this… I mean I can call and ask for an old friend but other than that we can’t really get involved… And we have other things to do right?”

As if Lucas had read the script and understood his role, he walks into Gerri’s office with a serious but also concerned look on his face. 

“So, you know?” 

“Uhm yes, just seeing it now” 

“Can you give us a minute?”

Lucas looks between the two women before addressing Jenny. Jenny throws the remote, she has been holding on the table before starting to hastily walking to the door, before it closes, Gerri looks at her.

“Use your connections - Find out what you can”

Jenny simply nods in understanding and closes the door behind her.

“How’s Roman?”

“Wha – I don’t know”

”You haven’t talked to him?”

“Ehm…no I haven’t been able to get a hold of him all morning”

“Oh okay. Look I do truly need you here for this, but if you need to go and be with your boyfriend, I understand”

“He’s not my boyfriend”

The second the words are out of her mouth, she feels ridiculous for pointing out something as trivial as her own definition of her relationship with Roman. Even more so because all she want to do is go find him, make sure that he is at least his own version of okay in this situation. But she knows that she can’t come storming over to ATN looking for him, it would make it all to obvious, besides she would need Roman to clear her access to make it by the security at ATN, and since he is not picking up his phone that’s not going to happen.

“I mean I don’t need to go anywhere”

“Gerri, this is a one time kind of an offer – so are you sure?”

“A-Absolutely”

“Okay, fine but then the moment we have it confirmed I want a statement out. Logan was an amazing businessman, we’re proud to fuck I don’t know… proud to… uhm… continue the legacy he leave here at Waystar. And we know that his children will continue leading ATM in his spirit? Or it’s that too much should it be more traditional, you know our thoughts and prayers are with his family??” 

“Well yes it too much, but maybe also something we should say” 

“Why not?”

“Uhm, well certainly this could have changed since I left, but the last thing I did, was…uhm well, Logan didn’t want…uhm”

“Are you shitting me? The last thing he does is screw over his kids?” 

“Yes – maybe…”

“Damn! I don’t even know if I should be impressed or sad by the old guy… but okay so call Claudia and get the statement together, you know the spiel; Amazing businessman yada yada… he leaves behind many things to be proud of. And something about our condolences goes to his family and friends that are feeling this immense loss – yes?”

“I’ll uhm get the wording together with Claudia”

He looks at her a few seconds longer than normal before he turns around to go back to his office. She knows that she should call Claudia immediately, because even if both her and Lucas wants it confirmed from the horse’s mouth, she understands that it’s confirm because ATN is running the story, and she knows that they would only do that if the kids had agreed to it, something they would only do when the saw the truth with their own eyes.

But all she can think about is Roman; what he’s going through right now, where he is at this moment, who’s there with him and what he might need that nobody is giving him. She calls him again, but it the same result as before. She figures that he’s with his siblings and that they’re all still too stunned for him to pick up his phone. But she want him to know that she knows and that she’s thinking of him, so writes him.

I just heard. I’m so sorry honey. Please call me when you can.

She figures that he’ll reach out within the next few hours, but when she leaves the Waystar building eight hours later, she still hasn’t heard anything from him. She considers going to his apartment, but doesn’t because she knows that he has read her text and so he clearly doesn’t want or maybe even needs her right now.

So she goes to her own apartment, were she as if on autopilot goes to her office. Even though it is her office in every meaning of the word, it is the one place in the apartment that always reminds her of Baird, and she need to feel him right now, to be able to truly grieve the loss of an old friend. She sits down in her chair, looks over the room trying to remember her husband and one of his best friends. She remembers their first meeting, the first handshake and the first kiss, between her and two men that without a doubt shaped her future. Two men she had trusted, even when she shouldn’t have, and two men that trusted her, when they could, and yet she debates whether or not she should break that trust now that both of them are gone, leaving her alone to figure out what matters. She feels conflicted on who she would really want to answer her questions – Baird or Logan. Baird would trust her endlessly but have a need to protect her, while Logan would never need to protect her and thus tell her a truth that Baird never would, but again Logan’s truth would always only serve him. Both of them being liars; serving their own interest. Both of them being her teachers; serving their own interest. Both of them gone now, letting her figure out her own interest, relying only on her own trust to divide her knowledge and loyalty.

She instinctively knows that they would both say that she should trust her knowledge. She knows enough to know that Royco will not survive without Logan, with or without the kids taking over, but the bomb that the Roy kids are going to get hit with, will mean that the Titanic went down slower. She knows that her professional interest led her in the right direction. She knows that she will stand on the ship not sinking, but she also knows that the man she loves will go down with a sinking one, because he wont realizes that the water is at his neck before its too late. She can’t stop him, because it’s who he is and whom she fell in love with, so how could she ask him to be less.

It’s past midnight when her door phone buzzes. Still on autopilot she gets up, walks to her door, already knowing why George is calling up, so she picks up the phone and without waiting for George to talk she gives him an answer for the question he never gets to ask.

“Send him up”

She opens her door and stands in the doorway waiting for Roman, readying herself for whatever state of mind he might be in. Maybe she’ll simply need to calm him down, make him stop bouncing of the walls or he’ll need for her to explain to him that people die and you can’t whish it away not matter how much you plead. Or he’ll pretend that everything is fine, that he doesn’t desperately need his dad or anyone to tell him that he will survive this as well. The doors open, and he takes the few steps he needs to, to stand outside of it. He doesn’t look up, he doesn’t speak, and he just stands there, waiting for her. Letting her know that he’s broken beyond anything he’s ever tried. She takes two fast steps towards him, wrapping one arm around him and leading him to her apartment.

“I got you honey”

Chapter Text

“It’s too fast! Why do we have to do this now? I mean we haven’t even talked about his… Fuck Ken, are we going private or do we want to broadcast the whole fucking thing?”

 Roman is quiet for a few seconds as he listen to his brother’s answer, before he erupts in a new line of almost screaming words. 

“Jesus fuck Ken, I’m talking about dad’s funeral not whatever the fuck wanking you need right now. Like who’s even giving the fucking eulogy?”

It’s almost 6 a.m. and Gerri is sitting in her bed watching Roman pace from one end to the other while arguing with Kendal on the phone about the reading of the will. Kendal wants it to happen today, citing that it’ll calm the stock marked and that people need to know who’s taking over Logan’s chair.

Gerri’s eyes follow Roman as he walks back and fort. She’s trying to figure out if he really just needs time to devourer Logan’s death or if he thinks that by pulling time on the will, he can win it or maybe he knows that he has already lost and is just stubbornly holding on to a power he never had. She thinks of telling him the one thing he needs to know now, but she knows that she can’t do that, because she wants this time with Roman, she wants to be there for him, and she knows that the truth of Logan’s last clause of testament will make that impossible.

“Fuck you. I need to go”

Roman hangs up the phone, gets dress in a hurry as she simply wraps herself in a silk gown following him to the door. His hand is resting on the handle as he puts on his shoes before she stops him.

“Roman”

“It’s fine, I just need to get to Shiv before he does”

“No, stop honey. Is this even a fight you want?”

“Of course. He doesn’t just get to crown himself”

“No of course not, but do you really think that your…” 

“Fuck that… Shiv and I will fight him for it…” 

“Okay Roman stop! And listen to me”

“What – I have to go and stop this”

“Do you really think that your dad left this up in the air?”

He finally stops his frantic movement and need to get out of the door, only to look back at her with well-known surprise and chock.

“Dad already picked between us? That’s why Frank has been going on about the will – right? And you’ve known all this time– it’s not me or Shiv. It’s always fucking Kendal”

“Yes – but no, I-I’ve”

“I don’t give a shit”

He turns around and walks out the door, she wants to walk after him. To stop him and try to explain what’s happening, but she knows that she can’t, that he’ll never understand her choice or even hear her words. He’s in a state of mind where she can follow or even try to be something that he needs. All she can do is stand back and hope, that he feels their connection as he moves away from her; eventually he will make his way back.