Chapter 1: You’re Safe
Chapter Text
Nellie Lovett couldn't shake this feeling of complete disbelief. For a while, she wondered if maybe she was dreaming. She often dreamed of the day that her beloved Benjamin Barker would finally come home, so she wouldn't have been surprised if she did eventually wake up and discover that none of this was real. She had never stopped hoping that he'd be back, even as it started seeming less likely, but at last, after fifteen agonizing years, he was home again. Despite having fantasized about this very day for years, Nellie hadn't been fully sure how to react. She was overwhelmed with so many emotions, it was difficult for her to comprehend them all. She was beyond happy that he was finally back, she felt like she could spend hours just crying and telling him how much she missed him. She could still feel the heartache of those years without him, but she also felt the joy of him being there again.
Not to mention, no longer being alone was a lot to process. For most of those years, Nellie had no one. She was entirely on her own, and she was barely getting by, for her business had gone completely downhill. While that problem would be a bit harder to solve, life would at least be much more bearable now that she wasn't alone, and it was even better that of all the people who could've entered her shop, it was her dearest friend, the man she had always loved, the one she had been hoping would return. It was clear to see that his years in prison had changed him. He had been so broken and torn apart, that bright look in his eyes that Nellie remembered was no longer there. He was filled with sorrow and rage, and he was set on making Judge Turpin and Beadle Bamford pay for what they did to him, along with what they did to his wife Lucy.
On the outside, it seemed like Benjamin Barker had died and was reborn as Sweeney Todd, as he was now called. He was quite different from the man Nellie had once known, but he was still the same man she had fallen in love with all those years ago. Even with all of these changes, she loved him now just as much as she always had. It hurt to see just how miserable he was though, Nellie wished there was something she could do to take his pain away. Upon first arriving, he was rather distant emotionally, mostly focusing on his razors, lost in thoughts of revenge. She couldn't help but feel sad that her friend was hardly giving her the time of day, though she felt terrible for feeling that way. How could she possibly think like that when he had gone through so much?
She understood why he was distant. He had suffered so much in prison, she could only imagine what he had gone through during those fifteen years. Now he was home again, but his wife was gone, and his daughter, Johanna, had been taken by Judge Turpin. He no longer had the family he had been hoping to return to. Nellie was the only one left waiting for him, and as much as it hurt, she knew she wasn't the one he had been dreaming of seeing again. She hoped that he had at least missed her while he was away. "Damn it, Nellie, get it together!" She thought to herself. "How could you possibly be thinking this while he's in so much pain?"
She sighed, her mind once again filled with concern for her beloved. Though he had only gone upstairs a moment ago, she found herself wanting to check in on him. It wasn't until she had already knocked on his door that she thought that maybe he wanted to be left alone. "What?" She heard him say. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay," She responded. "Can I come in?" There was a moment of silence. Nellie's heart raced, and she felt a strange sense of dread. "What am I thinking, he clearly wanted to be left alone," She thought. To her surprise though, he opened the door. She walked in, and everything remained silent for a little while.
"Is everything alright?" Nellie asked, finally speaking up. "I mean, I can imagine things are quite rough right now, I just..." Her voice trailed off as she lost track of what she was going to say. She knew he was devastated by everything he had just learned about his family, and the torment he faced in prison was likely going to stick with him for a while. What was the point in even asking if he was okay? Nellie sighed sadly. She really wanted to be there for him, to give him all the comfort and support he needed, she felt awful for struggling so much. "I suppose it at least feels nice to be home, doesn't it?" She asked. Sweeney nodded, though he didn't say a word. He was once again staring at his razors, likely contemplating revenge.
"I'm sorry this is what you had to come home to," Nellie said. "I'm sorry for everything you've been through. I know I can't fix anything, but if there's anything I can do to ease the pain a little..." She paused for a moment, once again desperately trying to figure out what to say. She had never struggled to talk to him in the past, but she now found herself worrying about saying even one wrong thing. He still meant the world to her, she didn't want to hurt him, and she didn't want to ruin their friendship. "I'm here for you whenever you need me," She said. "Thanks, I guess," Sweeney replied, his voice sounding rather flat and monotone.
Nellie walked closer to him, and the whole room was quiet once again. She briefly glanced at the razor in his hand, though her gaze quickly shifted to him. Even after all those years, even with how messy he looked from his time in prison as well as the time he spent at sea, he was as beautiful as ever. She could still hardly believe that he was really standing there before her. She was overcome with joy knowing that she wasn't just lost in a daydream. Her eyes filled with tears, and without even thinking, she reached for his hand, though the moment their hands made even the slightest of contact, he flinched, quickly pulling his hand away. He looked over at her, and rather than being upset, he seemed more scared.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Todd!" Nellie said. "I don't know what I was thinking, I just... I'm sorry!" "It's fine," Sweeney mumbled. "It just caught me by surprise, that's all." Nellie nodded, though she could tell that being caught by surprise was an understatement. For a brief moment, he had been paralyzed with fear. It filled her with such deep concern, she couldn't help but wonder what it was all about? "Are you sure you're alright?" She asked. "I really didn't mean to startle you." "I'll be fine," Sweeney replied, still sounding quite shaken. "I guess it's just been a while since anyone's been kind to me. The way things were in that living hell... Well, people weren't particularly gentle. I've gotten used to expecting pain."
Nellie felt a sharp pain in her chest as she thought of the sheer amount of cruelty Sweeney must've faced in prison. For fifteen years, this pain was all he had known. It hurt to think of all the things he had suffered, she felt sad, horrified, and angry on his behalf. Those emotions only continued to swell within her as she noticed a scar on the side of his face. "You didn't deserve any of this," She said. "I'm so sorry you had to suffer through all of that." She offered him her hand again, this time waiting to see if he'd take it. "You're away from that awful place now, you'll never have to face such pain and cruelty ever again," She reassured. "You're home now, you're safe." Though he seemed reluctant for a moment, Sweeney grabbed her hand. He had such a sad look in his eyes, which only made Nellie's heart ache even more on his behalf.
"You're safe, love," She said softly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "I promise I'll never hurt you, I'll never let anything or anyone hurt you." Sweeney didn't respond, and for a while, the two just stood there in silence, hand in hand. Though he still seemed a little nervous, he was no longer tense. He seemed to actually be aware that he was home now, that he was no longer in prison, and he'd never have to go back there. Nellie knew that her attempt at comforting him wouldn't undo everything he had faced, but at the very least, he seemed a little more calm in the moment. She was glad that she could at least do that much for him. "Mrs. Lovett?" Sweeney spoke up. "Yes?" Nellie replied. "Thank you," Sweeney said. "I, um... I appreciate the kindness." "It's no problem at all," Nellie said with a smile. "You deserve all the kindness in the world."
He glanced away awkwardly, though for the first time since before he was sent away, she saw a smile on his face. Even now, after so many years, and after all that had happened, he was still his adorably awkward and nervous self. She found herself staring at him once again, getting lost in his beautiful eyes. "Welcome home, Mr. T," She said. "I'm so glad you're back." Sweeney looked at her for a moment, though he quickly averted his gaze. Nellie sighed, glancing at the window and noticing how dark it was outside. "It's quite late, you should get some rest," She said. "I have a room downstairs, I wouldn't mind sharing it. I suppose your old room is still here too though." Sweeney nodded, letting go of her hand. Nellie walked towards the door, though she quickly turned to face him again. "Goodnight, Mr. Todd," She said. "Goodnight, Mrs. Lovett," Sweeney replied. Nellie headed downstairs, and for a moment, she stared up at the balcony. She smiled, once again thinking of how happy she was that her one and only was finally home. Soon enough though, she headed to her room to go to sleep.
Chapter 2: You Don’t Have To Let Go
Chapter Text
Nellie stared at the ceiling, her mind racing. She had no idea what time it was, though she knew it was late. She often struggled to fall asleep, so this was nothing new, but even so, she wished she could silence her thoughts so she could rest. It had been a few days since Sweeney had returned, and yet she still couldn't believe that he was really back. For fifteen years, she waited for him while the rest of the town seemed to forget that he ever existed. Even as time went on, even as things continued to get worse, she never stopped hoping that he'd be back one day. No matter how unlikely it seemed, she held onto that hope, and to her delight, the impossible happened, he was finally home.
She found herself unable to stop thinking of him, something she was quite used to. She thought of how much she had missed him, and how happy she was that he was home again. She thought of how different he was now, and how bad she felt for him, for she could only imagine what terrible things he had gone through. She thought of how much she wished she could do something to ease his pain, and how much she wished he was there by her side. It didn't surprise her that he chose to stay in the room he once shared with Lucy, she hadn't expected him to share a space with her, but even so, she couldn't help but hope that maybe he'd want to stay with her. She sighed and closed her eyes, imagining that he was right there next to her. How nice and warm it'd feel in his arms, she smiled at the thought.
She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of knocking on her door. "Mr. Todd?" She said. "May I come in?" She heard his voice from outside the door. "Of course," She replied. He opened the door and walked in, and for a moment, he just stood there. "Is everything alright, love?" Nellie asked. "Not really, to be honest," Sweeney responded. "I'm sorry about that, dear," Nellie said. "You wanna come here and talk about it?" Sweeney walked over to the bed and sat down next to her, though he said nothing. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to," She quickly added. She stared at him, and despite how dark it was, she could see that he looked quite distressed. "Whatever it is that's bothering you, I'm really sorry," She said. "It's nothing I'm not used to," Sweeney replied. "Even if you're used to it, I'm sure it must still be rough," Nellie said.
"It was just a nightmare," Sweeney mumbled. "I, um..." He stammered, seemingly unable to decide if he should continue to speak. "I understand how terrible nightmares can be," Nellie said. "They can feel so real, you just gotta make sure to remind yourself that they're not." Sweeney sighed sadly, but said nothing. Without even thinking, Nellie pulled him close. For a brief moment, he was tense, but soon enough, he relaxed. Nellie's eyes widened as she realized what she had done. "I'm so sorry, dear!" She said. "I should've asked you first, I just wanted to comfort you and I wasn't thinking!" "It's alright," Sweeney replied. "Do you, um..." Nellie mumbled nervously. "Do you want me to let go?" "No," Sweeney replied. "I mean, um, you don't have to." Nellie's heart skipped a beat. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. "You're sure?" She asked. Sweeney nodded.
Nellie held him tighter, her heart racing. She was struck with various different emotions at once. She was beyond happy that he was there, both surprised and delighted that he actually wanted her to hold him, though she also felt sad knowing how much he was suffering, and she desperately wanted to make him feel better. "It'll be alright, dear," She said softly. "Whatever it was that you were dreaming of, it's not real. You're safe." "It was real though," Sweeney replied. "I'm not there anymore, but I can still see it all whenever I close my eyes." Nellie felt a sharp pain in her heart. It didn't surprise her that he had nightmares about his time in prison, but it hurt to know just how much pain he was in. "I'm so, so sorry you had to suffer through all of that," She said. "It was cruel, what happened to you. I know none of that will simply go away, but I hope you know that you'll never have to go through any of that ever again. You're home now, and I won't let anything hurt you. You can trust me."
"I haven't trusted anyone in years," Sweeney muttered. "You were my best friend once, I just... I'm so used to getting hurt." "I know you've learned to keep your guard up, and I understand if you don't want to open up about everything. Just know that I'm still your friend, and I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you," Nellie said. "Even if you can't trust anything else, you can trust that." For a moment, everything was silent. Sweeney seemed to be processing her words, still afraid to let his guard down, but at least slightly more at ease. He sighed, glancing away from her. "I'll make them pay, Judge Turpin and the Beadle," He said bitterly. "You can focus on that tomorrow," Nellie responded. "You should get some rest now." Sweeney sighed again, looking back at her. "Could I stay here for the night?" He asked.
Nellie once again found herself in complete disbelief, wondering if she was hearing him correctly, though her shocked expression was quickly replaced with a smile. "Of course!" She said. "You're always welcome to stay here!" She realized how desperate she sounded the moment she spoke, but she was now at a point in her life where she was, for the most part, no longer bothering to hide her feelings for him. She did still worry a little though, mostly because she didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. "I mean, um... I'm fine with you staying here," She muttered awkwardly. "Thank you," Sweeney said. "I just don't think I can be alone tonight." "Oh love, you'll never have to be alone again," Nellie said. "I mean, unless there's a time when you want to be alone, of course," She quickly added. "I'll always be here whenever you need though." "I appreciate that," Sweeney replied.
"You should really get some rest now," Nellie said. Sweeney nodded. "Goodnight, Mrs. Lovett." "Goodnight, my love," Nellie replied. He turned away from her, though she still held onto him. It felt nice to know that even after all those years, even with his trust issues, he knew he could confide in her. She was glad that she could be there for him, that there was at least something she could do to make things a little easier. Along with that, she was also overwhelmed with happiness to have him there beside her. For years, she had dreamed of holding him. They had hugged before in the past, for they had been friends since childhood, but ever since she married Albert and he married Lucy, that wasn't really something they could do often, and then he had been gone for fifteen years.
She couldn't help but hope that maybe he'd turn over in his sleep and wrap his arms around her, though she was happy to have him there at all. She hoped that every day would be like this, that she'd always get to fall asleep and wake up by his side. She closed her eyes, holding onto him as tightly as she could, just taking in this wonderful moment. She knew that she wasn't the one Sweeney wanted to be next to right now, but she at least hoped that he was glad to not be alone anymore, just as she was. She sighed, and soon enough, she slowly began to fall asleep, losing herself in dreams of the two of them being happy together.
Chapter 3: Gillyflowers Maybe
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Sweeney looked around his shop, taking in just how bare the room was. He had done this a couple of times since returning, and yet it was still such a strange sight to him. The room hadn't been overly decorated in the past, but it once had more life to it. Now it was just as sad and empty as he was. Perhaps he'd keep it that way, for why would he want this place to be lively and cheerful when his whole life had fallen apart? How could anything be lively and cheerful after losing fifteen years of his life, after those long years suffering in prison, after losing Lucy and Johanna? His heart ached the moment he thought of his beloved wife and daughter. He could still hardly believe that they were really gone. For years, he had dreamed of seeing them again and finally having the life with them that he was supposed to have, only for that to be taken away from him.
Never again would he see Lucy's beautiful smile, never again would he hear her adorable laugh after he told a corny joke. She was no longer there to light up the room the way she always had. Everywhere he went, he could feel her absence. It was especially painful at night, being alone with his thoughts, pondering all he had lost, knowing that Lucy wasn't there beside him like she should've been. All these thoughts kept him awake, and even when he eventually did fall asleep, he was haunted by nightmares. As terrible as things were, he had planned on dealing with it alone, though one night, in a moment of vulnerability, he turned to Nellie. He hadn't told her everything that was on his mind, for he was still rather scared to open up, but she seemed to catch on. She talked to him for a little while, and unable to bear being alone, he ended up staying there for the night, falling asleep next to her.
The whole thing felt so strange. He couldn't deny that it was nice to not be alone, and he did appreciate her company. Though he still had so much on his mind, he at least felt a little more at ease after hearing her comforting words. He hated himself for letting his guard down, but even after all those years, she was still his friend, so he supposed he could trust her. Despite their friendship though, it was still so weird to fall asleep in someone else's arms. He was angry with himself for letting her hold him, but as much as he hated to admit it, her embrace was comforting. It was strangely grounding in a way, bringing him back to reality, along with her kind words. It was a reminder that he really was home again.
He sighed, thinking of Lucy and Johanna once again. Johanna was only a year old when he had been sent away. He had no idea what she looked like now, though he imagined that she'd resemble her mother. If only she were there with him now. He wasn't quite sure what he'd say to her if he saw her again? He was only in her life for a year, he hardly got to be a father, would he know how to be a good father to her now? He supposed he'd at least be a better father than Judge Turpin. He had no idea how that man had been raising Johanna, but he certainly didn't trust that he'd treat her well. Sweeney's blood boiled as he thought of the Judge and the Beadle. He'd make them pay for everything someday. He hoped that day would come soon. Beadle Bamford had said that he'd visit the shop towards the end of the week, but Sweeney already found himself feeling impatient and restless. He couldn't wait to finally slit the Beadle's throat, and the Judge's too. He grabbed one of his razors and began to pace, thinking of the moment he'd finally get rid of Judge Turpin and Beadle Bamford for good.
The door opened, briefly pulling him out of his thoughts. He saw Nellie walk in, holding a chair. "It's not much of a chair, but it'll do til you get your fancy new one," She said, setting the chair down. "It was my poor Albert's chair, sat in it all day long after his leg give out from the dropsy." Sweeney sat down in the chair, and once again lost himself in thoughts of revenge. "Kinda bare, isn't it?" Nellie said as she looked around the room. "Never did like a bare room. Oh well, we'll get you some nice little knickknacks!" "Why doesn't the Beadle come?" He asked. "Before the week is out, that's what he said!" "Who says the week is out yet?" Nellie replied. "It's only Tuesday." Sweeney sighed and rolled his eyes. "Hush, love, hush," Nellie said softly. She placed her hands on his shoulders, gently messaging him. "The week will be out before you know it, you just gotta wait a little."
Sweeney sighed. He had already spent years wanting some form of revenge, he had waited so long, he was tired of waiting. Even so though, he found himself relaxing a little. How did Nellie somehow always seem to know exactly what to do to calm him down? She walked away from him for a moment, once again looking around the room. "You know, maybe some flowers could brighten up the room," She said. "Maybe daisies, daisies are quite lovely." Sweeney glanced at her for a moment, then glanced back at the razor in his hand, his stress and impatience coming back to him. "And the Judge? When will I get him?" He asked. Nellie sighed. "Can't you think of nothing else?" She said. "Always brooding away on your wrongs what happened heaven knows how many years ago..." Her voice trailed off, and she began to hum quietly. Sweeney once again found himself growing calmer as he listened to her.
"You know, half the fun is to plan the plan," Nellie said. "All good things come to those who can wait." She stared at the wall for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. Sweeney glanced at her again, and he couldn't help but smile, though he quickly looked away the moment she looked back at him. "Gillyflowers maybe, 'stead of daisies," She said. "I don't know though, what do you think?" Sweeney found it rather amusing, the way she seemed to have so many different things running through her head, how she could easily switch from trying to calm him down to talking about flowers. He wasn't really sure if he wanted to decorate the room, but he supposed it wouldn't be bad to do so. After all, it might be better for business in the long run. Gillyflowers could be nice. "Yes," He said softly. "Gillyflowers, I'd say," Nellie said with a smile. "Nothing like a nice bowl of gillies."
She gently took the razor out of his hand and set it down, and he hardly even noticed, for he was in a much more calm state of mind. He stood up, and without even thinking, he pulled her close. Nellie seemed surprised for a moment, though she quickly wrapped her arms around him. Sweeney was rather shocked himself, unable to fully process what he had done, but he felt far too nervous to say anything, so he remained silent. He closed his eyes for a moment, just taking everything in. He was so grateful for his dear friend. As terrible as things were in his life, she truly knew how to make things at least a little better. He couldn't find the right words to say, but he hoped she knew that even if he wasn't the best at expressing it, he really did appreciate her. He held onto her even tighter, as if she'd somehow disappear if he let go.
She was the only one he hadn't lost. Almost everything he once knew was gone, but she was still there, and he was very thankful for that. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he lost her as well? He didn't even want to think of it. He had already dealt with so much pain, he couldn't bear to think of the many ways in which his life could get worse. He pushed those thoughts away, and he relaxed a little more as he thought of Nellie's calming presence, and all the little things she did to make his life a bit more bearable. Though his mind was still far from easy, in this moment, he was at ease.