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I'm Begging You To Feel (just a little bit less)

Summary:

Heath has a crush on HooDude. HooDude has a crush on Heath. Neither are ever really ready to deal with that because of their own independent issues.

Title from 'Hot Chocolate' by Bears In Trees.

Chapter 1: I Hide In The Closet (but I'm not a f*gg*t)

Summary:

Heath can't sleep because of HooDude and it's having effects on his health. His friends get worried about him.

Notes:

TW: Internalised homophobia (in the form of words with negative connotations being used around being gay — e.g. being 'accused' of being gay), slurs, collapsing, swearing

Lmk if I missed anything

Chapter name from 'Trees' by McCafferty

Chapter Text

Tired.

 

That was all Heath seemed to feel anymore — he was just tired and sore.

 

'Why?' one may ask.

 

Well, that's all because of a boy: HooDude Voodoo.

 

HooDude was a voodoo doll, meaning that if he was holding something that belonged to someone, the owner of that item would feel what HooDude felt. For most, this wouldn't be an issue but for some reason, Heath constantly felt anything HooDude did.

 

And HooDude was very clumsy.

 

As a result, every time Heath tried to sleep or take a break, he'd be thrown out of bed, drenched, in pain, and wind up completely covered in cuts and bruises. It was exhausting, to say the least.

 

As if that wasn't bad enough, his friends were starting to notice. They'd brought it up a few times but they always dropped it after a few minutes and reassurance that he was fine.

 

But not this time.

 

Heath had collapsed during practice and now he was sat in the corner with a bottle of water while everyone congregated around him.

 

He was too dizzy to look up but he definitely heard recognisable voices.

 

He heard Deuce, "Dude, what happened back there? You okay?"

 

Heath answered and cursed himself when it came out shaky, "It's nothing, I'm fine."

 

"You clearly aren't fine, Heath! You should probably go to the nurse." That was definitely Gill.

 

"Just drop it, okay? Its nothing." Heath didn't think that was unreasonable but they persisted.

 

Clawd spoke next, but he really wished he hadn't, "No, stop that. We aren't going to drop it, Heath. We gotta talk about this at some point. In fact, as captain, you're benched until you tell me what's going on."

 

"Hey! You can't do that!" Heath protested.

 

"Yes, I can. It's, not only detrimental for the team, but also incredibly dangerous for you to have you play on the team when you're in this state, man. You wanna sulk back here for now and talk about it at the end of practice? That's fine, just talk about it." Clawd finalised it and started walking away.

 

"Wait…" Heath hated how weak his voice sounded.

 

Everyone stopped but Clawd gestured for them all to go on without him as he went to Heath's side and sat against the wall next to him.

 

Clawd gestured for him to speak and Heath immediately regretted his decision but he wouldn't go back now.

 

"I've just… I've not been sleeping. It's 'cause of that voodoo doll guy, HooDude." Heath explained.

 

"HooDude's that guy you've been staring at, right?" Clawd responded, as if he knew something or was in on some secret.

 

"Yeah, him." Heath confirmed, obliviously.

 

Clawd seemed slightly awkward when he responded, "Look, man, I don't got a problem with you liking guys but try not to let some guy affect you like this, okay? It isn't healthy losing so much sleep over a guy, especially not a guy who seems as air-headed and unreliable as HooDude."

 

Clawd said those words like he'd said them a thousand times before, but Heath didn't get why he was saying them at all. Why did he think he liked guys? That had nothing to do with his situation! He must be hallucinating him saying stuff he isn't or something, because where would he get the idea of him being gay from?

 

"What do you mean 'you can like guys'? Who said I liked guys?" Heath went red when he processed the words fully and decided he definitely had not hallucinated.

 

"What? You can be gay, man. I'm not homophobic or anything, if that's what you're worried about. You know that Clawdeen's a lesbian, right? If my own sister is gay, it's kinda hard not to be an ally." Clawd continued.

 

Heath slowed down, for once, and said calmly and clearly, "I'm not gay."

 

"Oh, shit, my bad, man. I shouldn't just assume you're gay, if you like guys. Being bi would make more sense in your case, as well since you had that thing for Abbey that one time too." Clawd apologised and then continued making his wild accusations.

 

"Dude, shut up! I'm not a f*g. I- That's not- I'm straight!" Heath got defensive and sure he probably looked more suspicious now, but so what if he got a little frantic and red? Who wouldn't when facing such ludicrous and embarrassing allegations?

 

"Chill, dude. I get it if you're closeted but you don't need to throw around slurs like that. Don't worry, man, I won't tell anyone. Your secret's safe with me." Before Heath could deny anything else, Clawd spoke continued, "Practice is almost over, why don't you just head home for now? You need a break and I doubt you're in a decent enough state to play anyways." Clawd helped pull him to his feet.

 

Heath was too tired to retaliate any further so he just, albeit reluctantly, nodded and accepted his fate, "Fine, see ya tomorrow, man."

 

"Get some rest, Heath. See ya." Clawd officially ended the conversation with those words.