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The bell jingled as the door opened, signalling the entry of a customer. Lucien looked up from the coffee he was brewing as he smiled, hiding his disappointment. How many days had it been since he had seen a specific blonde-haired regular customer of his? He glanced once more at the door, trying to search for a similar face.
It had been almost a year since Lucien had moved to this neighbourhood and set up his coffee shop, right below his apartment. It was a relatively quiet place, with the busy period mainly being the evenings when workers would return home. The only regular customer he had during his morning was the one he was currently missing a lot. He didn't want to admit it initially, but now it had become evident that he was drawn towards the attractive and charming bartender.
Zander had been visiting his coffee shop since the day Lucien had opened it. At first, he was just another customer, slightly more attractive than the others. However, once he started visiting daily, Lucien became more interested in him. He slowly learned that Zander was a bartender and would come by his cafe after closing his bar, which would be open all night. He would also visit the cafe occasionally during the evening when he was on his way to open the bar, but he would make sure to come every morning.
Sometimes, during the mornings, it would be just the two in the cafe, so naturally they would fall into conversation. They would talk about their lives before meeting each other, and the various cities they had travelled to. They would have in-depth discussions about different coffee types. On such occasions, Lucien would make sure to brew a special coffee just for Zander to taste. Zander would often rant about the various happenings in his club – one day it would be some rowdy customer, on another it would be someone trying to flirt with him. Stories like this would remind Lucien how different yet similar their lives were.
Lucien would often wonder about being flirted with by a customer. He had never had such an experience, and upon further thinking, he concluded that he probably wouldn't mind some innocent pursuit of romance. Oftentimes, he wished his regular customer would take some initiative, but it was never fruitful.
Lucien chuckled at the memory. Then he sighed. It had been almost two weeks since Zander had visited his cafe at all. At first, Lucien thought he might be busy, but as more days passed, he grew more concerned.
‘Was he alright? Did he get into an accident? Is he tired of coming here? Did he find someone more interesting?’
As negative thoughts invaded Lucien’s head, he would try to keep himself busy. However, during the cafe’s slow period, he would be listless, overthinking different scenarios. He had soon realised how they had not even exchanged numbers. That thought had never crossed their minds as they met every day. Lucien was filled with an emptiness as he missed the bartender.
Thus, one day, he made up his mind to visit the bar. It was within walking distance of his cafe, so one evening, after closing it, he made his way towards the bar. It was situated in the basement of a commercial building. There were many people outside the club, and the more he looked at them, the more he felt out of place. As he made his way inside, the loud music deafened him. He was more used to the sense of calmness and tranquillity, and that’s why he had opened a cafe in the first place. He never liked such loud and crowded places, and so the atmosphere in the bar was not to his liking.
Amongst all the crowd, Lucien’s eyes searched for Zander. All he knew about him was that he owned the pub and some days acted as a bartender. He slowly approached the bar through dancing bodies, still searching for Zander. As he got nearer, he finally got to see the blond-haired guy, all smiles, entertaining his patrons. At that sight, something within Lucien’s heart hurt, but he still made his way to the bar. Zander had not yet noticed Lucien, who also didn’t feel like making himself noticeable and greeting him.
The familiarity with which Zander spoke with the people made Lucien feel like he was just another person in the sea of people Zander interacted with. It suddenly made him feel sad, which made him feel isolated in such a lively place. Just as he was about to get up and leave, their eyes met. Zander’s eyes lit up as he noticed Lucien, although the very next moment, Lucien bolted out of the pub, leaving him very confused.
Lucien couldn’t sleep that night. The way Zander’s eyes lit up had not gone unnoticed by him, but he was second-guessing himself and thought it didn’t mean anything. However, a part of him was still hopeful and wanted to feel like he meant more in Zander’s heart. As he mulled over it, a new day had started, and it was time to open his cafe.
As Lucien slowly set up the cafe, he heard the bell at the door jingle, even though he had set the closed sign. Coming out of the store room, he started saying, "Sorry, but we are not yet —". Lucien stopped talking as he took in the person who had entered the cafe. It was Zander, who looked quite dishevelled.
Words got caught in Lucien's throat before he managed to say, "What are you doing here at such a time?"
"I've been waiting for you the whole night." Zander let out a big sigh, as if he was relieved to see Lucien in front of him.
"What?"
"Yeah. It really bothered me that you left the club that way last night, and I've been trying to search for you the whole time. I didn't know where you lived or what your number is, so I thought of staying near your cafe, to get a hold of you whenever you opened it."
Lucien couldn't believe that Zander had spent the whole time searching and waiting for him, while he had his doubts about his feelings.
"Why would you go through such lengths to find me?" He managed to ask through all the shock.
"I don't know…it just really bothered me to see you leave like that. You didn't even talk to me yesterday, and it hurt."
Zander probably felt the exhaustion of the whole night suddenly come over, and he squatted down, hiding his face in his palms. Concerned, Lucien grabbed him by the shoulders, stood him back up and took him to the back lounge room. He made him lie down on the sofa.
"Get some rest here, while I close down everything. I probably won't open the cafe today because we need to talk."
With that, Lucien left the room as he shut off all the coffee machines and closed the doors and the windows. It took him a little over an hour as he called his employees to give them a holiday. By the time Lucien was finished, he saw that Zander was peacefully sleeping. His beautiful face had dark circles under his eyes. Even his sleeping face looked tired, as if it had been days before he got appropriate rest. Lucien crouched down on the sofa as he brushed his fingers lightly over Zander's cheek, and even then, he never flinched at the sensation. Watching him sleep so soundly, even Lucien felt sleepy, given that he too had not slept yesterday.
When Zander woke up, it took him some time to realise where he was. He looked at his surroundings before noticing the sleeping face lying next to him. Lucien had fallen asleep in a sitting position, supporting his neck on the sofa, as he sat on the rug on the floor. He slowly recalled their morning interaction. He felt bashful — he had become vulnerable in front of another person. He had purposefully avoided meeting Lucien for the past few days as he was very busy with his club and didn't want to show his tired and haggard self to him. Facepalming, he realised, he showed a worse picture of himself to Lucien instead.
Amidst his mild panicking, Lucien stirred awake. He smiled softly as he looked at Zander.
"What's wrong?" he managed to ask, prying away the hands that covered Zander's face.
Zander squeezed his eyes shut, as if doing so would prevent the other one from seeing him either. Lucien then began prodding Zander's face and lazily squeezing his cheeks to elicit a reaction. Zander finally took hold of Lucien's hands and opened his eyes to look at him.
He finally spoke up in a small voice, "I didn't want to show you all this."
Lucien got up from the floor and sat on the sofa, while still holding his hand.
"Also, not to say, I was very hurt when you left the club last night without even talking with me", Zander continued.
Looking away, Lucien replied, "I just didn't feel welcome there. It felt like I had entered somewhere I didn't belong." Sighing, he continued, "Seeing you there made it feel like you were someone different, a distant person from the one I knew."
He tightened his grip on Zander's hands. "I didn't like the emotions I was feeling, so the only thing I could think of doing at that moment was to run away from there. I didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying something that I didn't mean."
They sat in silence for a while as they fiddled with each other's hands. Zander traced the length of Lucien's fingers before interlocking them with his. They sat like that for some time, staring at their joined hands. A soft blush had formed on their cheeks as Zander tried to pry his hands away, but Lucien held onto them tightly.
"These past few days, when you didn't come, I felt alone and distracted. I wanted to see you every day and have long conversations like usual. I hated to admit that I missed you. That meant admitting that I liked you and your presence in my life."
Lucien spoke softly, but his eyes looked scared. He was afraid to hear Zander's reply, afraid that his feelings would not be reciprocated, afraid that the dynamics of their relationship were no longer going to be the same.
"We really are a bunch of idiots, aren't we?" Zander asked rhetorically. He continued, "I'll be honest, I missed you a lot too. Also, we should've probably exchanged our numbers once I started showing up every day."
They both chuckled at that, as they quickly exchanged numbers.
"So want to go out somewhere tonight? I did close my cafe for the day after all", Lucien asked.
"I could take you to my place so that we both know where the other one lives, for days when we miss each other a lot."
"Just say you want to go home to change your clothes."
"Hey, forgive me for trying to be a romantic."
Laughter filled the room as they slowly felt the calmness return in their lives, having expressed their emotions.
"Why don't I brew a cup of coffee for you first?" Lucien asked, standing up, "What do you want to try out today?"